Lucifer

2010-02-04T04:37:00.002+08:00

别打开礼物的缎带

最初充满期待最后都腐败

别打开午夜的电台

别让情歌反复再愚弄

而爱并没有教给我生存

只教我交易虚荣给天真

可是爱让我们变成陌生人

却变不了更高尚的灵魂

不要吻我只要抱着我

不要爱我做我的亲人

把手借我一天一分钟

做我最亲密的亲人

不是谁的情人谁的莫莫莫

就算我全身湿透透

我也不再被谁牵着鼻子走

如果我还握住拳头

可能我怕我的梦想飞走

而爱并不如你想的万能

不能让我们不再战争

可是爱连慈悲也没多慈悲

谁爱越深越容易被牺牲

让我还敢做我的梦

做我梦中伟大的微笑的英雄

Stupid blogger dun let me copy paste chinese words.. =.=" Made me type so many chinese words.. Though i used to blog chinese in my chinese blog... Haha.. Time to go lala land..

MRT

2010-02-02T19:27:00.000+08:00

Parked my car and walked to mrt and took train to Bugis.. Exit Bugis and seems so lost.. Too long no go public liao.. And its not cab.. Haha.. Listening to my music on psp and see pretty OLs everywhere.. So...fresh... The feelings.. I had to get used to public soon... =)

broken wings

2010-02-02T03:58:00.000+08:00

Wings with scars... Quite a lot of them... Shoulders with bruises, rocks are heavy... I'm so incomplete yet felt so enough for life..

Why do ppl strive for higher stats yet without that mindset, they are still nothing...? Gotta be rich in mind then can be real rich in status.. If given a million dollars, it will not save one but harm one... Give a man a fish, it will save him for a day. Give more save more days but not forever.. Learning to fish is the way to survive, not talking abt fishing.. Everyone knows how to talk..

Shld i jump into traps again? The wings are weak and might not be able to fly anymore thereafter.. Headaches sia.. Nabeiz..

There's no waiting list, only rejection list. Waiting to grow up is impossible. I'm not stupidly awaiting 10yrs.. =.= Wat the hell i'm toking abt.. =.="

2010-01-29T03:38:00.002+08:00

I may not know ur little movements, i may not know how to be ti tie to send u up to ur doorstep without fail, i may not know how to read ur mind without u saying so, i may not know how to open my car door for u, i may not know what u really like to eat and what u dun like to eat, but well becoz i'm not you.. Since i hated myself all along, i would not try to think of u as myself.. I would not go after u juz like how i would give up when i felt i got the chance.. I would rather run away than to even 'try'.. Ex-bitch hated that word 'try' when i said it.. Well, i never wanted to try anything.. Once decided, i would want it for eternity till impossible.. Side dishes aren't essential and i always dun want side dishes coz all along i knew that Starter & Main Course & Desert are all i needed. I dun need additional colours nor special toppings.. Haha.. I'm juz traditional. I'm sorry for not being myself.. I always believe in letting go.. One of them is married and blissfully living. Another is also married with next gen though 'cracked' but i still believe in her abandoning me for a good reason. The other is still single but well, i can feel the happiness in them. =) Running away is not a choice and everyone knows that running away is painful as well.. It's an option to learn to be stronger not to fall back..

Many asked me if i'm already attached.. Lolx.. Reality is cruelty. Virtuality is beautiful. What's fake and what's real? I myself do not know the answer and how am i gonna give an answer..? I only yearn for time. I may be juz a temp or she may be juz a temp.. Mere words and sound.. Karen Sia, what do u think i shld do...? You would be the only one in my life who would understand me the best in my current situation now...

So many things seems to be coming to my mind juz becoz time is little.. Lolx.. I'm such a bad boy all along... Regretting is not the way out but think for the future is the way out no matter what the future may brings.. One don't focus on the 'problems' to solve the problems but focus on the 'solutions' to solve the problems..

Watched 下一站，幸福 till ep 6.. Well, why her hairstyle so like her.. Eyes not so big only but also the demure type, shy type.. Nabeiz.. =.=" She really becoz of him and his condition then gave up..? That would mean i selfishly trying to 'own' her when everyone dissuade me to leave her then she cannot breathe and run away alone.. Even when talking to me is so damn strong and firm on the last day.. =.=" I would not forget her everything..

2010-01-20T03:05:00.002+08:00

This "strong" little gal is still like a little gal.. She can hide so well and present herself always at her best no matter wat.. Though temper can be real short at times.. =.=" Well, no matter how strong she is.. A sudden sms from her "i broke off with him already.." and was like in the middle of the night.. Immediate action would be calling her.. Listen to her crying and complaining, with a little useless speeches from me..

Why i'm always like a pillar support for so many.. Haha.. Yet none is a suitable pillar support to me when i'm needy.. 'suitable' as in, i would really call/ask for it rather than avoiding one after another.. Maybe blog is my only pillar support.. Haha..

Accompany her till late almost like as if i belonged to her and allowed her to be like a morning glory and cling on to me as a support.. Then when attraction on the other side occurs, i would force down everything heartlessly, or almost heartlessly.. Well, i'm not needed anymore though still acting like a morning glory still needing and angry me for abandoning.. I dun really walk the path together for forever..

My nature is to back off when felt a little not really needed liao.. I said before, i'm like a stupid acting bf to whoever close to me. I can do stupid things that even friends can kpkb me and ask me why am i so good to another when she's not even my gf. The extra miles are personal and i'm not answerable to any of what i did or what i gonna do. That's my freedom so dun restrict it.. Birds do not like to be caged.

Wat if i were to say that i'm gonna book the air tix to bkk on the 8th Feb and coming back on the 11th Feb, going there juz to meet a FRIEND and i'm going ALONE, yes a gal friend juz a friend only, as her bday is on the 31st Jan while mine on the 27th Jan so i wanted to celebrate a belated with her. Well, already got one kpkb and pester me bring her go liao as she dun wan me to be owned nor wan me to go alone..

PS: This thai gal is not those two in the pic i taken in my FB. =.="

Almost everyday i'm on blackberry messenger with her.. Well, i dunno.. Juz like Rebecca's post of that article and my comment on her shoutbox.. Gals are to be protected not otherwise.. Naturally, instincts told me what to do..

HOWEVER, there are some disgusting pests. Looked so ugly and i'm fine with it but then still like want every piece of me. FUCK YOU. Juz like a gal seeing a guy and can read his mind "I juz wanna bed you". That's juz an example. Hello. =.="

"I feel like going genting for holiday..."
"Why not come bkk?"
"Why bkk when i got bday treat free hotel room for a day at genting? I go bkk stay ur place? haha.."
"Go hotel lah!"
"I also know... But i scared sleeping alone in a hotel.."
"I accompany u slp. ^^"

It's not the "accompanying" that makes me wanna go there.. =.=" It's her thoughts that attracted me to wanting to go.. Nabeiz i kept attracting and getting attracted to gals older than me.. =.=" I mean those slightly older lah not very much older de.. My max till 31 now and min till 25.. I'm not interested in "kids" though some are not lah.. Reality bites. =) Grow up and i can consider.. What do i want, what's my aim, what am i looking forward to, what i hate, what i enjoy the most.

Some can be like dumbfolded by the crazy things that i would do and things that i would not do.. I'm not easy to be read afterall.. It's a self-defence system.. Be true to me and u might not get the same answer.. Be fake to me and u will get an almost immediate answer. I might not be clever but i'm not stupid. I'm a bad guy not worth anything.. Unless i decided u are my everything..

Keith is a smart guy. =) But dun try to understand me too much or guessed me too much.. It's tough trying to act stupid and releasing confusion gas. =.="

I made myself confused what's real and what's fake.. Living in such new divide of life is torturous but reality is cruel. Matrix system had to be activated.. Complications.. But i dun care.. Coz afterall 'forever' lies in me, myself and i..

Xuehui used to insist that i'm her best friend. Well, impossible.. Dun decide things for me.. My 'best friend group' is the only group that we all been thru fun, sorrow, happiness, laughter, tears, loves, hates, and many many things that bond us together.. Multiple ways and not juz one-sided, most impt is naturally..

The rest is mainly i'm the one who is forking out and withdrew when i'm the one needing.. Even being showered with care, i would refrained and withdrawal occurs... I juz dun feel comfy with anyone else other than that group... Unless it's someone special and i decided on her then her burden would be so huge... Haha.. I would shamelessly juz fall and let go without withdrawing.. It's a two-way-traffic anyway.. If no trust in ur partner then no point le.. Juz like dancing, would u really go on and jump onto the person when he/she is supposed to catch u and break ur fall..?

Nevertheless, new home might be on the way already.. I can visualize it.. Looking forward to it.. Maybe no need to count the days anymore.. =) A broken home can be a great home too..

New Divide (Oh yeah! =D )

2010-01-17T23:20:00.002+08:00

I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me
I remembered each flash as time began to blur
Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide

There was nothing in sight but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide, the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes across this new divide

In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny
And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide
Across this new divide, across this new divide

Stupid..

2010-01-14T03:36:00.002+08:00

Really shld not have.. Pain pain pain.. Now listening to 我的回忆不是我的 while i type this entry. NABEIZ..

Juz finished my ep 11 of HPTX.. Super ouch.. Fark man.. The inability to get the actual answer or izzit it's already the actual answer..? A knot that forever left a secret, forever unable to reveal..

The memories.. The moments.. The joy and sorrow.. So, am i juz a life buoy or izzit becoz particular reason juz to protect me..? Again...? Not again...? For my own good...? Izzit really good to me.. Is that really what goddamn good i always wanted..?

Ever since that day i had forbid myself to recall, to think, to ponder for.. Ever since that drunken day.. Thot the other day at martin even though freaking drunk and my forbidden still strong enuff to stop it...? THEN WHAT THE FARK AM I FEELING INSIDE RIGHT NOW..?!

I always controlled myself not really post watever fark shit juz becoz there are ppl around who surely got influenced by my emotions.. I only wanna share fun things, happy moments, craps and stupid things.. But this time i really can't stop myself liao.. Beyond control.. Raining already.. Thot all had been begone..?

Trying hard to try harder but it juz doesn't seems to wanna go away.. Pain.. She did not left entirely... Unable to.. Or maybe i still dun wan her to leave juz yet without undoing that knot.. I can only drive past there, drive around where she stays.. Tried my chance to get her to come on the 26th... But seems failed miserably.. Total lost like in the wide ocean..........

I already dunno how to use life buoy.. I wanna struggle all this thru myself.. Even though i might get drown but doesn't matter.. Had drown so many times anyway... In fact i dread of care and concern.. So, please dun ask me wat's wrong.. It's not my type to go around telling ppl full details.. Even if asked, merely bits and pieces.. So wat's the point..

Damn my eyes are tired already.. Argh...

Nevermind, when i sign-out from here, i'll be back the mischievous and irritating Rick/Xing.. Anyway no friends had truly called me by my right name.. Coz this is what i wanted them to call me...

"我叫伟兴”
“哦，伟兴啊”
“你叫我伟星就好了”
“好啊，伟星。可是为设么不让我叫你伟兴呢？”
“习惯了，呵呵”
“小猪宝宝。我在我的电话簿改了！呵！ =P”

To face memories is so freaking difficult! NABEIZ! Shit lah.. Tml how to go work sia... haha.. hahaha... lolx.. rofl.. rofl.. lmao.. roflmao...

I shld not carry on that show.. Neither for the rest of any shows.. Neither for any gals.. Full focus on my game and work. Waste time waste water.

Omg i'm hungry.. And.. I felt like going ECP eat.. Alone of coz.. I wun allow the sober me in this state to be shown. Never.. If drunk then maybe bo bian lor.. HAHaha.h.ah..aa...ha..a.a.aa.

Sometimes not that i do not wanna go after another.. No point deceiving myself going for another.. Maybe i shld really stick on to my plan and order a wife sua lah.... 1yr and 2mths left liao.. Even though we are over but i'm still counting... Maybe this is my only timeline bah.. The only timeline that i really live for..

Dun feel like staying at home now.. Really feel like running out now but i'm so tired already.. Maybe tml nite bah.. Need some silence to relax... By the sea? Or by shall i by the cliff? Shld i bring our tent to the beach? Or behind vivo where the 1st affection occurs? I still yearn for that shy face... darn..

Tired liao.. Need rest le..

Drive..

2009-12-05T04:21:00.002+08:00

Someone said i wun have the drive if i were to go somewhere familiar to work.. Well, the truth is i dun even have any drive for anything regardless where and when.. Can see and feel a few opportunities but i juz dun have the drive.. Lifeless.. Not in terms of finding gals or something.. I've got no interest in those.. Spare me..

Maybe monday meeting ex gf karen coz it's her bday. Tue meeting old close friend Celena. 18th meeting Estee as promised her to accompany her whole day since it's her bday. After 20th meeting huiying, been trying to get her to go out. Dawn as usual, on and off meeting her. Planning for a trip down to Celine's pub one fine night for a drink. Movie with Jocelin still pending as she claimed she's too busy with sch..

Like so many events and Desmond gonna say me happening, though i'm not as happening as him with SO MANY pretty XMMs around him meeting him. =x But then, i still feel lifeless, so empty and mindless...

Juz like today went bukit timah to take stock then when going back to wdl i took a long route via cashew road... The road i used to always take whenever i sent her home on my bike last time.. In fact, wanted to turn in into her block area somemore... This is so ouch... Till now her phone still can't get thru so i think she lost her phone or something then change number to a free in-coming post-paid instead of the one she using prepaid.. Bah.. I'm so full of her..

Dawn said me and kel same like her.. Feeling a bit of 'wen xing' will withdraw almost entirely.. Wrong leh.. In fact only me and kel is like that lor.. The fear of love-trap.. Coz we dunno how to hit-and-run? =.= Never crossed my mind..

Need to find back my soul.... Where are all my missing pieces???

Her..

2009-12-03T04:07:00.002+08:00

When being asked, "Do u still have her photos?"

Well, yes... Even after shit happens i still kept those.. After all, those are juz memories.. =) That doesn't mean anything at all..

Drift and drift..

Cold and warm then warm and cold..

This doesn't mean anything.. I'm still me afterall and i'm not leaving no matter what happen.. Juz i will definitely draw line and be back myself.. When i intend to go shopping, i will still intend to go alone.. When i intend to go ktv, i still intend to go alone though i nv tried.. Mr bay got more experience in this.. Haha.. Well, i juz wish to be alone.. Afterall, i'm not "owned" by anyone and no one controls me. So if i dun feel like going out means no..

I'm not giving out my game for anyone. No way, man.. My virtual world is more impt than anything else except for work, i still need to eat.. lolx.. I'm not inviting jealousy or being biased.. =.= At least i feel certain ppl deserved a little better from me. It's not as if i din give in to whatever u feel like it.. U think i'm the best but that doesn't mean i'm the best coz i'm the one to decide what am i.

So if i regards her as my best friend then she will be my best friend. Not juz anyhow nia.. Xuehui used to keep pestering me to regard her as one juz becoz she felt something diff between me and my bff. Well, puppy eyes dun work when the heart matters.. Juz friends will do, i do not wish to demote somemore..

Some things when it's gone, it fade away gradually.. What a man chases in life, runs away. Even if it's a woman.. Haha..

The feeling of wanting to get drunk is back... But somehow, something is holding me back.. But i yearn for the feeling of crowded places with loud music when drunk.. The last was Sing Thai Disco... That was great but dangerous.. So dangerous but so great the feeling of drunk.. I'm sorry but not feeling of gals. Ya she's working that nite at there but nothing liao.. Never started, no need for ending.. Anyway, nothing actually happened.. =.=" This ironical phrase came to me suddenly and it's from an unexpected someone, "Sex, it either enhance the relationship or it worsen it." It's juz like "more than a handful is wasteful" then become "Nothing is perfect, Perfect is nothing." Wtf am i spouting? o.O I'm tired i guess..

A fruitful day

2009-11-19T06:07:00.000+08:00

Wat a long day today.. Early morning went buy stocks then delivery to west coast then boss went lunch haven't sign cheque yet thus proceed to tua for another delivery then back again for cheque..

Report timely even got time to clean car a bit.. Lolx.. Dropped my nokia and now cannot "talk".. =.=

After work pick up dawn from vivo then go golden cafe to eat.. Headed to whale to support cindy a little.. Quite a normal place but why so many waitress sia..

Before sending dawn home, met up celine for a smoke.. Reached home ard 5.30am and realised i'm so damn hungry.. Maggied then now blog a little ba.. Haha.. Tired..

In fact, thought of sending celine home also as she work till 6am and no need to slp liao coz have to go work almost immediately... But she said she can handle.. Silly.. I working 4pm lor....

While at golden cafe seeing xiao ling from afar, her new style really made her look like her... Can't help kept looking at her while she talking to cust at outside... Sigh.. Missing piece.. Nothing but a memory..

Quite stun by cindy also.. Think she's a bit drunk liao..

So that's the place... Last time sassy bar... Memories.. Haiz.. So familiar yet so unfamiliar.. Mixed feelings..

Shit lah its the beer effect... Sorry it's not that i wanna emo de.. Today too much memories like adrenline rush.. Okok if u dun emo i will not emo ok.. =)

She's like last time karen, strive so hard becoz of a future.. =) I'm always a pillar support for independent.. I'm looking towards 2012 ok? A little break and i'll try to make it fulfilling to mark ur day ok? =)

Heard this song 我的回忆不是回忆。。。I think so bah.. Will try host it when i wakey.. =)

礼物

2009-11-17T02:53:00.000+08:00

I damn like that song. Freak. So darn emo. Or rather it's more of comforting of giving up than emo-ing.. Somehow or rather, connected.. =.= ironic..

Has it started? Different views already?Dun think it's the paranormal effect.. Hmm.. Anyway, doesn't really matters anymore. New lease. Time to let go.. =) anyway, it's juz another footprint. Lolx

Shocked by her today.. =.= Despite that, the smile is there.. =) Not once but twice... Haha.. Looking forward to the day. If really take leave ah, i die die also will take even if its gonna be a wkend.. =D

Wings are no longer needed. Perhaps another direction bah.. Nabeiz this is so Aion. Lolx kinda addictive haha..

Sometimes telling the truth is so fake, telling the fake is so true.

Therefore,
The truth has to be fake.
The fake has to be true.

Ya, i love you. =)

刘力扬 - 礼物

2009-11-11T06:18:00.001+08:00

终于可以在今天划上句点

一整夜翻阅过去画面

快想不起我们为何会诀别

只看到那双你送的鞋

走一步又一步

我才发现绕了个圈

走了好几年

又回到原点

你送的礼物会不会太特别

毫不避讳那不安的传言

但渐行渐远习惯到没感觉

难道你早想要我走远

你送的礼物在此刻好体贴

陪我回忆把过往走一遍

穿了这些年难免会有污点

就像每段爱总会有终点

世上最残酷的恐怕是时间

困住人一切却还向前

干涸的眼再挤不出一点咸

爱到如此可悲的境界

走一步又一步

却跟不上你的脚步

你满意了

为什么我却只想要哭

你送的礼物会不会太特别

毫不避讳那不安的传言

但渐行渐远习惯到没感觉

难道你早想要我走远

你送的礼物在此刻好体贴

陪我回忆把过往走一遍

穿了这些年难免会有污点

就像每段爱总会有终点

你说做自己吧

我们都做回自己

不要再为爱受委屈

你送的礼物原来是一场劫

终于分别夙命一样准确

可笑到想要你赔给我时间

爱情有时廉价得可怜

光著脚我一路奔跑

鲜血泪水一路狂飙

收起我的骄傲

承认曾经备受煎熬

鞋上那记号

只有你能明了

过了这一夜

我就全忘掉

Simply love this song.. Juz dunno why.. Love means love, there's no why.. How the hell do i know why i love..

migraine

2009-11-10T04:42:00.000+08:00

Early in the morning wanna go fetch dawn for work.. Woke up 9.30am and its mission impossible for her not to be late.. Hence, she "pronten" from work.. =.=

Today's sales sucky only managed to close 2 sets plus 1 external set.. =.= wan to jump liao like that..

Picked dawn up from boatquay then we went katojian for curry rice.. Thereafter, sent her back and we had a drink downstairs her place till abt 3am before i walked her upstairs.. Then i reached home around 3.30.. The pain doesn't go off.. Nabeiz... Head damn pain..

We can be as close as whoever can imagine but there's nothing between us juz like how i would with any gals.. =.= Juz like how i can fetch jocelyn up from rebel sent her home to woodlands and let her slp in my car till 5.30am and accompany her up to her doorsteps before heading home despite working morning..

In the meantime i juz do not wan anything to do with relationships. For i do not have the time for it.. Hands are like so full and schedules unpredictable... I can be like a part-time temp bf/fling to anyone juz to fill emptiness but not yet to fully commit.. And i'm not even a fling to anyone yet. Somehow or rather juz an acting bf feeling, or maybe i need some gf feelings sometimes..

Juz like how 2 person came back.. How warming though those are juz memories... Talking abt the past.. Sweet.. Yea but i'm not juz that capable to every..

I can be still be as close to u as before but u gotta know me.. I like the feeling of ppl knowing me without me telling yet hitting the "g-spot".. I'm cunning enuff to send so much fakes and yet if u able to catch the real me, the better i'm gonna treasure friendship.. And not always by assuming.. I may seems complicated but well in complications there bound to be truth.. Get to know a person is not by reading and seeing. It's the feel.. As if however good i'm treating my gals i'm not gonna treat u that way.. That's not true.. I care for every single soul even as a passerby. The amount is determine by that person not me. Actions, words, everything means something.. Not juz calling sweetie will means i'll have to go all out to treat u like a princess.. Gotta earn that credit and respect.. Well, tat's me.

Only her can still make me comfortable even after like so many yrs not much in contact... Even after marriage, we can be like so close. I feel i can tell her everything that can takes up to few yrs to finish talking.. I love to talk in nature but gals always love to talk more which always no chance to talk more.. Otherwise will be so many comments.. I juz need ppl to listen not comment or debate..

I'm tired liao.. More and more pain already my head..

PSPs

2009-11-06T11:41:00.001+08:00

29 sets of PSP 2006. All ready and charged. =)

Another 4 sets being ordered by same client yest. =.= Rush like mad, racing with time. Haha..

Anyone got suggestions for xmas special and valentine special?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tiring yet fruitful night.

2009-11-05T02:49:00.002+08:00

Reported work early so that i can go off early to settle my stuffs.. Early in the morning trying to get the season parking but failed coz i do not have the logcard for the car to prove i'm the owner, well, i'm not. =.=" It's under my aunt's, cheaper insurance.. Lolx.. So they charged me $140 for parking then offered me $90 for another place for parking. Damn far. =.=" Damn dulan so headed work immediately.

Bad day but luckily still managed to close 3 sets before i went off to serangoon. Do all the way till 1am then settle everything. =.=" Shag out.. Surprisingly they had trust in me. Though it's no big deal of goods worth close to $8k lah.. But, hell i'm amused. That makes me wanna contribute more and do my part better.

Tml will be a long day.. Need to settle for my bike then need to go bendemeer then maybe bugis. After that meeting partner to deliver the goods in my car as well as taking some stocks from bukit batok and fortune then have to put the new goods back to my partner's house. Kelvin jio at night go Lavender siam diu, to see my ex thai gal. Well, i dun really interested to see. lolx.. Arbo long ago when i learnt she's back i would have chiong go see her liao.. Aiyo business more impt lah.. =.="

Thus, lately i kept discriminating love and r/s. Knn waste time and money only. It's not the time yet to say much now coz i'm not yet officially in the listing but a few of my colleagues and friends already knew. Everything starts from small. No way for one foot up heaven. Therefore, when jessie ask me to go ngee an work, i'm unwillingly so. 1st, it's not becoz of anyone. 2nd, hp/compaq no longer a 'house brand' for this giant company. 3rd, pay is miserable and i only use it to cover my monthly stuffs. My perspective goal is not that small even if to give me a SUPER A STORE i also dun need. Will only make me busy nia. Not as if they gonna give me $5k for that. $5k comm would mean at least $500k worth of sales and i'm like getting 1%. =.=" I'm aiming $250k for my company, at least i can see the fruits for even better prospect in expanding even more till auto-run. That's the ultimate goal for the 4 of us.

Anyway, reveal a bit lah not as if i would jeopadise my job. Anyone who's looking for games and/or consoles can look for me. Even blackberry high capacity batteries at great price compared to a regular batt sold in store. We've got 2500mAH. Light-weight somemore. =.=" Made in USA and warranty still stands officially by us. Games and consoles prices may be steep but FREE delivery to doorstep. We accept COD & paypal. Already got alot of pre-orders for the two hottest titles, Dragon Age & L4D2. This mth sales damn good.. Lolx. And would be pretty busy out of my working hours.. For more info, www.dexcube.com or on pricing and availabilty can email/text/msn/call me direct. My GM got the pricing listing direct from distributors. More services coming in also in the coming year. National Library sat event starting on 14th Nov, we are one of the co-partners. =) Next year, many interesting events upcoming also. Sneak hint, the 'new' building beside cineleisure, we might be involve as well. Exciting events..

Heard of a bad news as well.. My friend from sim lim square juz passed away.. If u guys read the news, Newlywed groom found dead at hotel driveway.. Jackie, big boss and co-founder of his company, Renova.. Sad.. The company is big and well-known. Boss is happily married. Tragedy happened.. Unexpectedly.. Sad...

Today was on msn with karen almost the whole day thru-out work.. She's my ex gf when we are in poly till i enlisted in army.. We really chat like bosom friends.. Abt her bf, her ex bf, my ex gf, our work, our trips, etc. She's so fave of aussie and her ex is aussie, sydney i believe or maybe brisbane. She din mentioned. Anyway, she love travelling.. Been to so many of the European countries.. >.< Greece, Italy, Australia, etc. Many many more untold.. But i've been to Melbourne and she's not, only to Sydney, Brisbane and Gold Coast.. =.=" Then she actually mentioned that i'm sweet.. Lolx.. Juz becoz i helping her ex bf to look for a multimedia harddisk player. Lolx.. She mentioned twice not one, on two occasions. =.=" Then she want me to promise her that i will NEVER go back to my ex even though she were to come back to me.. Well, sweetie. Among so many so many gals, u are the 2nd longest known gal who is close to me and it's kinda sad that u do not know that i will never turn my head to eat the grass behind me.. Even if i were to bite my lips to bleed and walk away in pain, i would never return.. So, don't worry ya? =)

Weihong seems weird juz now on msn.. =.=" He's been T-ing me up when i'm juz nothing really.. Bro, i'm juz like you and in fact far worst. I'm on downhill, at least u are on even ground.. My mindset is not what i wanted but is what i desired. Career and future are to work smart for, not work hard for.. Some things can never be taught, can only be influenced. Like how i always pull ppl up by infuencing and not teaching.. Give a man a fish and he lives for a day, teach a man to fish and he can live much longer even till old..

If ppl around u are gamblers, u might go into gambling.
If ppl around u are slackers, u might go into slacking.
If ppl around u are rich, u might go into building wealth.
If ppl around u are playful, u might go into childish.

Fit in and blend into the right environment, let environment influence u to become better. However, really 'strong' ppl would change themselves to adapt to the environment and make full use of the environment to their own advantages. Juz like "So what i siam all the netbooks and nab all the nabsters? I still have the last laugh despite ppl behind scolding LaSap." Wah i realised i machiam toking abt myself... LOLX! Well fark, his pay is way FEW TIMES higher than mine. Though he still got nothing but he is still strong. Got the resource and system to make that money so why not. Juz like 1427 worth $70, i will also chiong like mad till everyone is a foe. Juz like if A600 worth $100, i will also do that. My company sux and they will never release such incentives. Cheapo. Even Gateway can earn more.

So how is ngee an better than cwp? =.=" Even vivo. So what sia. Still peanuts to me. Lolx.. I rather have great friends and colleagues, and earn my survivable pay. Afterall, one year odd liao.. When i focus, rarely i would divert..

How the hell she knows abt lullaby? Nabeiz.. I dun rmb mentioning it here lor.. Even if i did, that was eons ago. =.=" So not only she does read my blog, she read my facebook as well! Think she got my account.. Surprisingly, she does login FB when she dun have a FB acc. =.=" Points are hard to redemn.. Try harder.. I'm allergic to players. =)

Don't 'fall down', i will not entertain much.. If u gonna be opposite my block drinking beer alone emo-ing and wan me to cross over to accompany u, high chances i will not go.. Not everyone got the ability to get me spread my wings.. Unfortunately, yes i'm that eccentric.. Gan x2 doesn't work on me. Lolx..

When i'm with loose gals, ppl feel gao wei.
When i'm with attached/married gals, ppl feel i'm foul.
When i'm alone, ppl wants me to get hitched.

So if i wanna hit-and-run, ppl comment.
So if i wanna hit-and-dun-run, ppl comment.
So if i wanna dun-hit-and-run, ppl coment.
So if i wanna dun-hit-and-dun-run, ppl comment.

Come on, i know u ppl do care coz i'm a friend.. But please in an aggressive mode lah. So ppl think that i cannot go vivo juz becoz someone else would distract me, so be it. But i will stand firm that i dun wanna leave cwp. My mind ain't made up of love. Wtf. Can i juz get married next yr with an ordered bride juz to put at home so that everyone shut up? o.O Get to know a person by learning and asking. Not assuming and criticizing and sarcastic. I dun hold grudges so dun make me do. Juz like what desmond says. Friends nia mah, one gone another will come. The cycle goes on. Maybe i shld reorganise my "best friends" listings in my msn though in real life i only got two guys and a gal.. Yes a gal, named jasmine. Now, below 25 all out. =.=" At most is "close", wun be "best"..

Tired.. Maybe becoz tired lately thus spout so much nonsense. =.=" Blog is not me and i'm not a blog, i wun let anyone read me like a book. If u think u know me, think again. Agree, Manster? =)

BQ

2009-11-04T04:16:00.000+08:00

Another day at BQ despite no one really wish to drink.. At least now cfm got 2 known stalkers. =.= One stalk blog, one stalk fb. Lolx..

I know there are silencers out there too.. "the one" i used to mention long time ago, also one of it.. =) But too bad, forever unable to reveal this 'scandal' or rather 'mysterious' since there's really nothing going on between us.. Juz like how close i am to all my gals like cel, jessie, dawn, xuehui, jasmine, huiwen, connie, etc etc. Too many to mention all..

I mean, no matter how close i am to anyone, i always get frustrated when ppl trying to fix an 'item'. =.=

The more u know a person, the more u wun accept her.. O.o No? But u will love her when u can see her flaws as nothing. =.=

When i'm in a r/s, ppl ask me to break up. When i'm not in a r/s, ppl ask me to like machiam accept anything around me. Wat's the world becoming to?

I'm stubborn, when i'm in, i'm in. When i'm out, i'm out. I had said a million times that i would never get dawn to be the one. Never. So what, hold hands? Yes we did ever before. So what, kiss before or rather LC? Yes. So what, hug before? Yes ever. So what, slept before? Hell NO! Fark. I'm not a freaking gigglo. Wah every thai/viet i ever did any of the above will be gf? Then wun i be super busy sia. LOLX!

Wings refer to any gals, in general. Gals are meant to be protected, aren't they? Or to be played with? Like toys?

So, when i protect and u kept inviting troubles then watever for am i doing this? Snap and release, fell and burnt. End of story. If u can find another, go ahead and dun waste my time. I only have a pair, of hands. Even birds have a limit to how long they can fly..

Cold? Not really.. Need to breathe a bit.. By all means and be as secretive as u can, i'll pull out not pull back.

Since meet and can be so busy then ok lor, i need not be around at all. Becoz i say so. I beg to differ from ur thinking. Coz i can feel 'starhub' and when with me others no need to feel 'starhub'. That's splendid. Thanks.

Minus points always by 10%.
Increase points always by 1%.

There's nothing such as negative, 0 means zero.

Fark the love thingy. It's irritating. And ppl irritates me with their broken love life. Nabeiz. Nothing but spelt troubles.

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Weird..

2009-11-03T02:45:00.001+08:00

I'm sure she's fine le.. I only scared no news coz there's no means in any forms of communications.. But from her blog i can see her updates in her board.. Juz that she's still back there haven't come back sg..

Think there isn't a need to let her know of my callings bah even though she's back.. Well, i dunno when back coz i had stopped calling long time ago ever since i saw her pics updates.. =)

Today again i ventured there unknowingly.. Haha.. Love is blind indeed.. No idea why i did that also.. Well, its dead already.. Felt nothing.. If now she were to ask me the same qn as at east coast whether would i accept my ex back, the ans will be a direct no in an instant. Haha..

Finally clubbed at Rebel last sat.. Wasn't really in the mood coz i had to drive.. Nabei.. Never liked drink driving.. And being controlled. Freak. Even my sis is there and reduced me to one glass of vodka... Foul leh..

Wkend jasmine going St James, Jocelyn also.. =.= Wondering.. Haha.. Not really aiming but kinda yearning for clubbings.. So long no freaking long queues that let me sweat before going in can liao. I hate that, that's y i ban zouk.. Dbl-o still okay.. Coz there are memories there, or rather devil's bar or newsroom.. Haha...

Clubbing is fun. Dun mentioned the "being grinded" lah.. That's unexpectedly unusual encounter.. =.= Surprised, hell yes i am.

Tml meeting, and i think i would be going back to work bah.. Damn i can't let my sales go down somemore.. Sometimes it's not becoz i'm weak in doing sales or lazy.. Sat and sun i'm extremely tired, despite that i'm so damn aggressive..

Coz i cannot concentrate well bah thus i use focus.. =.= If serve more than 10min i will be darn shagout so close fast and spot fast bah...

So tiring everyday.. Losing more and more points day after day.. I guess i do mind afterall but i would still doing my best to suppress bah.. New directions to fake away.. Need more of those.. But hell, i'm so surprised that the eye contact is so comforting.. And i 'dare' to look into her eyes.. Nabei..

Afterall i'm a shy guy leh.. I would only do that to my customers due to professionalism.. =.= Mainly gals around me i wun do that.. Another gal would be that one in whiskey last time, a customer that is..

When it starts kicking, i think will gonna be a better time manager bah.. If not then i'm not gonna be up to it bah.. Haiz.. Sacrifices are a must when it comes to biz.. Haiz.. Money more impt..

Nabeiz she still dun wanna wakey.. Ya still in my car boringly blogging. Tired, yes i am.. Haiz.. Some ppl finds it a sore eye when i'm being this good to certain ppl when i'm not like aftering or asking for something in return like bedding. o.O Ya i'm stupid, show me the light like DTB? Wtf =.=

Duh.. Its a guys world. =.= Mindset all similar bah.. Except for a few i known would be like me myself and i.. Haha.. Hard to find such though..

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O.o

2009-10-30T05:18:00.001+08:00

It's how amazing u can score points from an impossible 3-pointer. =.= And i never even say anything neither hint, and u 'chop'. In it goes. =.="

How do i let go? I mean i'm juz tired.. Forgotten how to emo, how to enjoy, how to happy, how to sad. Numbness got me. "emotionless" she said. That's bad, utter suffering..

Staying focus is wat i wanted now... Not in my job, not in love, not in family. Well then, guess it already..? Sometimes its not i dun share but no point to.. It will not affect others so why not bottled it up? This way, no one else will get infectious by the troubled virus.. Anyway i dun need help nor do i seek help.. So be it..

I never needed love, juz maybe there's someone there beside. Dun even have to talk, dun even have to touch me.. Serenity is wat i love best. At somewhere quiet all by myself or maybe with another, enjoy the quietness and calmness when midnight falls..

All i need is simplicity though i shown complications to confuse and yet acting blur like a bloody bastard.

Yet to find that feeling back..

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o.O

2009-10-27T04:11:00.002+08:00

Nabei the feeling of feel like getting drunk is back again.. ccb.. So pissed with this feel coz it juz came out of the blue knn.. No emo-ing somemore can get this urge to get drunk. Nabeiz..

Juz came back from malaysia with dawn and weihong. He 1st time eating lok lok and like so happy and fascinated like that.. Juz like leon that time.. -.-" Well, i'm not worried abt this guy DTB thus i can trust him. In fact not only i dun trust gals, i dun trust guys as well.. But somehow or rather, i feel i can trust him. =.=" But die die i wun trust that dawn.

A week before i mentioned i would take thurs off then can go sentosa with her and juz now she's happily arranging for programmes on thurs. "silence".. Well, i shall meet up dessy then...

Too many situations too many points lost will deteriorate the in-between... Well, points are easy to lose but hard to gain..

That night at the chalet was msn-ing celine for few hrs i think.. Then mentioned that despite she slept for only 2 hrs and still wanna go chalet with me.. =.=" Juz wanna find things to do and stick to me only.. And she said, "That's so sweet of her.." Well, that do shaken a little.. Nabeiz... Heng i did not fall down right in sia.. =.= Despite me saying i will not accept any sg, that's afterall juz a strong front.. Nabeiz.. Nabeiz.. Nabeiz.. No matter what i will find one hundred and one reasons to suppress that! Though she always tickle by saying it only needs one reason to... Nabeiz. No way.

Stopped all the unnecessary words and actions, or rather i can only lessen.. I dun wanna invite unwanted stupid things. All i wan is only for the plan to be executed and worked.. That's my main source of life not love. Fark, like hell i would die without it. But i juz dun understand majority would die for it. Thus, i shall get married soon.. LOLX ironic..? Not really, coz i juz need one to buy a flat. =.=" The government says so.

"Sg gals are so material. Wan more money, wan be taitai, dun wan simple life, dun wan get married, dun wan babies."

Well, many foreigners would comply otherwise. Now i know why so many guys go outsource.. It isn't a bad thing afterall..

New lease

2009-10-24T01:38:00.002+08:00

Shocking news from rebecca. =.=" She said everyone also know and she's the last to know, then if she's the last then i will be the last last. =.=" Lolx.. Jokes aside on that day, dun take it seriously ah, manster. =x

Late night went over to kovan to meet up the guys and chat all the way till almost 2am.. =.=" In fact, it's very brief and overall of everything.. The plans, the kicks-in, the resolutions, the problems, the activities, the foreseen upcomings, etc..

Things gonna get busy... The passion is on, the blood is boiling like an adrenline rush.. I hope i'm not too positive till they are scared of me.. =.=" When one objective is clear, one will work towards the objective no matter what are the hurdles ahead. Slacking off is not a question, i'm only scared nothing to do.. I dun mind everything caught me till i got not enuff slp every now and then or till my both hands are so full.. I only scared i got nothing to do.. All i'm left is time and time is not enuff, it's short.. If wanna strive, i wanna strive high. Arbo pull down. I dun like to waste time and effort doing fruitless thing. Believe in it and strike. Now or never, we had all came halfway of lifetime.

A lot of brain cells burnt.. Scared gonna no time to do my own things and for friends.. But if fruits are what i wanted, sacrifices are must-do. I love gaming, i give up. I love pool and drink, i give up. I love relaxing, i give up. Mind must be in a state 24/7 thinking how to get the 200 grands. Nabeiz.. Even if the rest hack care and nua, i would also wanna carry on and head to that goal..

Quote from her again..

2009-10-21T11:45:00.001+08:00

"To love someone who will never love you back is like trying to get a perfect score in a non-recorded exam."

Nabeiz... Isn't it like u would live in fairytale and live happily ever after..? =.="

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Back from supper

2009-10-21T02:11:00.002+08:00

Mum went CWP to find me.. =.=" She went out with her friends so drop by cwp.

Supposed to send her home 1st before meeting dawn and her friend to geylang to eat supper.. Asked mum if she wanna go and she said she's fine with it so we went lor..

Ordered fu kin min and yee min.. AKA hokkien mee and yee mee. Wtf afterall i'm a cantonese kia ok! I juz dun feel like speaking in cantonese.. And i juz sang a bit chen xiao chun song wo bu shi wei ren two days back in martin.. Long time no sing liao..

After food, dawn's friend walk back home as he stays nearby then i send her home before heading home with my mum.. indeed whole day like no mood like that.. Well, i really not emo-ing lah nor am i sad.. Dessy asked me in msn why i sound so sad like that, as in thru words he could actually 'feel' it! Nabei... No wonder he got so many gals friends... Oops! =x Well, actually i also not less but much lesser than him and i mean much much lesser than him.. Lolx..

In fact, after my these two ex, i had drift away from a lot of gals liao.... When i'm attached, there's no point in having so many close gals to me what.. No fair to partner.. And yet, things can happen despite a little commitment.. =.=" I cannot promise that i will not anyhow eat but i can guarantee i will not anyhow eat.. Promises are meant to be broken.. At least, that's wat i believed..

Time is running out and there's no ways and also no point to draw in more gals into my circle.. Tired.. Shag.. So dead..

Next wk i supposed, everything will be up and running.. The plan will be put into action and execute.. Time will never be enuff.. Pls make it fruitful.. Even though it may not turn out fruitful, i dun wan to regret.. Living in regrets..

I'm so into her words/phrases.. It's been a long time since i last felt someone who can really catch my attention in her mind rather than look.. The undisclosed "the one" was the one whom i admire her chinese phrases.. Lately gotten back in contact with her liao but that feeling no more le.. =.=" A shadow is what that's left..

I think when we two really comes into contact, there might be lots to share between life and experiences.. It's been long time since i can find someone whom i can comfortably talk to.. Usually i merely talks a little.. No one really break my ice and let me speak my mind freely without the barrier being the devil.. Like what celena did? o.O But that feeling is long gone.. Sorry sweetie, not that i dun wanna find u.. =( I miss the esplanade days...

Tired sia.. Seems like always not enuff slp..

If u wan me to close my wings, i'm afraid they might not open anymore.. Every single little thing can close the wings by certain percentage.. The max is 100%.. Every single little thing can open the wings by certain percentage too.. Closing is easier than opening... I'll leave it to fate and ur own doings.. It's not every single gals i'll do that for her..

Ever since last wk, i realised that she never deleted my sms.. =.=" If not how come my singtel keep on beeping instead of my m1? o.O Or was it becoz i mentioned only dawn msg me on my singtel that's y i was being beep on that fone also? Lolx.. Shi wo xiang tai duo.. Ni zhong zhe yang shuo... Lolx.. Time to slp. =.="

2009-10-20T00:23:00.002+08:00

A broken vase can never be perfect again no matter how hard u tried to fix it back.. All that's left are memories for us to keep. There's no turning back nor a need to turn back..

My principle as usual.. No matter the pain, i shall embrace it with a smile, not tears.

I'm glad u still keep my tweety bird.. I've lived my life for you, now i shall live on for myself..

Loved ya, XL. =)

Alcohol and beer are no longer my best friends. =)

Clarification: I'm not only into MIT or MIV or MIM or watever u could think of. I'm a simple guy who NEEDS a simple life with anyone, though life itself is not simple as it can be.. Juz that, pure sorrows that brought no confi in the future..

Every step could mean something.. I dun juz drift for no reason.. Instincts are sharpen so naturally that i could feel as if i'm a mimosa.. Someone said that's the so-called "walls".. Nevertheless, i believe 'it' will stay strong and long-lasting enuff as a protective layer..

Wu hua bu ying feng. No flower doesn't attracts bees. I said to her before in my chinese blog and she knew the hint.. Wu feng bu tou mi, she countered. =.=" I'm not juz the typical mammal or beast or animal..

I've felt it again.. The non turning on of msn.. The 'starhub effect'.. It's all becoz of certain situations or maybe someone or maybe some ppl.. I'm sensitive to little changes in reactions.. Falling back is not a choice but an alternative reality. Yup, the truth is ugly though it doesn't concern me at all.. When i spread my wings, that doesn't mean will spread for eternity.. There's no such thing as forever..

Twilight is afterall a fairytale, it's reality that we are living in and facing against..

It's been more than 24hrs since i last slept in.. Tired and shag out...

Drinking nite

2009-10-19T00:54:00.001+08:00

Juz reached martin after mr lin zehuan cedric wedding dinner at Swissotel The Stamford.. Half a glass of beer and half a glass of red wine at there...

Adam came with me to Martin... Hmmm dunno if i can post this here lolx.. Anyway he only come a while to relax..

Dawn's at Zouk now.. =.= She said she coming over later. Dun feel like getting drunk nor did she..

Roadshow at cwp starts mon. Need to reach 888 at 9am for breakfast.. 9.30am to be at cwp to do setup..

As predicted, booth is expected to be late again... The last roadshow was late for one and half day... =.=

Dun think will be drunk tonight.. Sense something unusual today... Hope i'm wrong.. I dun wan anything..

Saw her 'blog' few days back.. It was posted on the 10th this mth.. I long time no go there liao.. Anyway she's fine at there.. Holidays with her husband.. =)

So, it wasn't love afterall anymore.. 'worry' is not love, someone told me..

Time to let go fully.. Memories are all that's gonna left inside... =)

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Shag out

2009-10-17T09:50:00.001+08:00

Super tired sia.... Now still at toh guan road... She's happily sleeping in my car.. And i can't slp coz its dangerous. =.=

Now its like almost 10am and the sunlight is so bright and the weather so hot and she can still slp so soundly.. =.=

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stupid iphone

2009-10-16T11:29:00.001+08:00

Nabeiz lah all contacts gone.. Sibei tulan.. Shitty iphone can i smash u?

2009-10-16T01:55:00.002+08:00

Since the day i said i will not accept u for u are so much like her, the agreement had been verified..

But why does it still bothers me when i am the one who said that and swore on that..?

Contradicting as usual...

Juz like how 10yrs ago how i rejected the gal that i like yet i denied the fact so firmly juz becoz i felt i'm not good enuff for her despite her not even minding anything...

Status is juz a material fact, if not how the hell would i have had accept a wife as my gf.. Initial still thot it's juz a game, afterall it's all my fault that i dunno how to hit-and-run... Always hit and dun run... That's why i'm afraid of these games and wun even dare to play with fire and remain cold-blooded..

Everyone are talking abt her and me.. Well, really nothing between us... I really treat every single as my own and i dun see any wrong in those.. If such meant something, wouldn't every single gal are my targets? Then wouldn't i have been super duper busy?

Maybe i'm not juz cut-out to be the typical guy-next-door or guy-sure-like-that or guy-only-want-one-thing. I'm juz an abnormal guy. So naturally will be outcast bah..

Aquarius, the air of mystery. Why the heck i fall onto that. =.=" Maybe it's juz me..

Sick..

2009-09-13T03:36:00.000+08:00

Sick.. Having flu and bad cough.. Dunno wats wrong.. So suddenly..

Feeling emo outta sudden tonite.. Wth.. So its not sick but really love sick? lolx..

Yup i really miss her.. =( Miss her voice, her smell and her touch.. Haiz... World apart.. I thot death shall do us apart.. Guess not..

Going in real soon.. Was it gonna be chalet or hell..? Afterall its ATEC this yr... Seems like its genting trip again.. I would prefer bkk though.. Really wan me to fly alone meh.... Haiz haiz..

Long time no drink liao.. Really headache.. Need to concuss le..

A so warm voice that warm the heart..

2009-09-05T00:00:00.000+08:00

Today called her all the way and we like chatted for around 15min.. So happy to hear her voice.. Straight away tell her "Kit Teng Mak Mak"... Haha.. Asked me abt my sales, well, it was rather bad... Then she said it's becoz she's not by my side that's why got no luck.. Lolx.. I told her i agreed that's why i love her.. Lolx.. Melt her a little i guess. =D Really can't wait to go all the way to bkk to find her and relax my days.. =( The feeling of yearning is back.. Haiz.. Dawn said marry her lor so that she can stay in sg.. Well, the point is not that but rather she dun wanna come sg.. Lolx.. So even though i do really had that thought also no use mah.. It takes two hands to clap. =) Afterall, i only left with 1yr 6mths..

Been real hectic lately.. Like so busy and tired and no time to slp.. Gotta packed my baggy for genting and army together.. FULL SHIFTS all the way till reservist starts sia coz when come back from genting gotta go PCSHOW then after PCSHOW gotta go reservist liao... Haiz..

Roadshow..

2009-09-01T00:51:00.002+08:00

Always dun really like roadshows... Haiz.. Makes me so free.. Craving for bubbletea everyday for honeydew de sago.. =(

One day after she left, nothing but an emptiness. Funny, no craving for alcohol at all.. Never thot of making myself numb.. She ended her sufferings here already, shld be happy for her instead.. Haiz.. Juz wished her by my side nia..

"Proposed to her lah so that she can stay in sg liao lor.."
"Duh... Not as if i dun wan.."
"Then go lah!"
"=.=' It takes two hands to clap.. Sian lah 1yr 6mths more to go..."
"Huh..? So u really thot of that ah...?"
"Well, yeah.. Coz she's not MIS!! Lolx.."
"Fark euu! Eat shit!"
"Lolx.. At least when i sick she knows how to cook porridge, u only know maggie.."
"I also know. Maggie Porridge!"
"Nabeiz.."
"She's not ur gf in the 1st place lor!!"
"Maybe.. But she regards me as her teerak even among my friends, like jinshen trying to take me away from her, she would scold him and say i'm her teerak.."

Short memories but somehow, good enuff.. I dun need a super chio gf, i dun need a big bust gf, i dun need a super caring gf, i dun need a chef gf.. All i always wanted is juz owned. Lolx.. Yeah i'm fan jian but i'm not like that to all gals wat.. That MIC is out liao ah, the MIM also out but she got chance, all MIS are definitely outted. =.="

Wah i really wanna go bkk now!! Damn!!

But i really dun understand one thing.. Guys going to those thai discos aren't really nice ppl.. Mainly 'butterflies' lor.. =.=" Why do i deserved tears from her..? Haiz.. Think i'm really too easy liao bah... Somemore dun have any hit-and-run. =.="

It's been so long..

2009-08-31T03:12:00.000+08:00

Actually i'm not that busy at all.. Juz dun have the urge to post.. Lolx.. Too many things to handle le bah... My hands are too full.. Fark.. Ownself find troubles. =.=" Gals will only spelt troubles.. Even though she din do anything wrong to me but she caused me to miss already..

Wtf.. Suddenly feel like time is so short.. Only if the time would stop forever at that moment she lie on my leg in my car.. Drunk, sleepy, tired and crying... Juz kept saying she hate singapore and she dun like singapore men... =.=" Nothing i can do but a shoulder to lean on, a companionship to accompany her and stay by her silently.. Kiss her to make her feel that it's not all men are like that, maybe i'm juz the exceptional abnormal one who gives and never ask for a return.. =.="

Sh!t man the oysters do work miracles. Knn. But i got my self-control lor.. Damn.

Life's a mess. Dunno what to do anymore.. Seems so tired.. 1yr and 6mths more to go.. Probably very soon bah will settle down already.. Haiz... She dun wanna come back singapore anymore le.. Will be her 1st time in sg and also her last time, she said.. Thus most probably will fly over in oct bah.. She's older than me. O.o Now then i realised.. Wtf..

Seems anyone younger no longer attracts the true me other than the wolf-eyed me if she wear scandalously... Tat's bad.. Duh, who cares... Dawn kept saying me, "Dun keep acting as if u care lor.." Well, maybe at times i do maybe at times i dun... I can't rmb the real feeling liao.. Too many fakes plus truths leads to ultimate confusion..

I juz want my new home.. Damn.

This coming mth is so full of schedules and packed until that i feel that i cannot breathe.. This wk roadshow at cwp from mon-sat then sun go genting liao till wed then thurs go pcshow at comex till sun then mon report camp at jurong till 13days later then most prob thailand trip thereafter.. Felt exhausted.. Were these really the life i wanted? Thot all along i juz wan a simple life like wakey liao go work then homed after work then slp then repeat.. No movies, no clubbings, no pubbings, no poolings, no ktv-ings, no spinnings, no companionships, no friends.. Duh.. Maybe the joining of IR is indeed the job for me.. Shift works plus no hp allowed, cut away everything, take away my life..

Here in sg is really a hectic world to live in.. No wonder my teerak dun like sg..

This sept pay jialat liao somemore got reservist.. Haiz... Sianz..

Weird

2009-08-14T12:13:00.000+08:00

Sometimes juz dun understand how things work. =.= Maybe diff perspectives bah..

"Why do u want to set up ur own biz?"
"Well, interest is there mah.. Who dun wanna be own boss?"
"Do u know that u need to have a yr's capital to ensure everything running smooth, WITHOUT PROFITS?"
"Ah?"
"Do u know that the 1st 5yrs of biz is juz like a hobby with no spectacular earnings?"
"Hmmm..."
"So u still wan to go ahead?"
"Maybe not...."

That's so weak!! So damn freaking weak!! All in the mind is money, money and money. =.= Well, it's all juz like gambling, either u win or u lose. Anyway, if u are not ready to even commit and kept thinking on how to get money, the lesser money u will get.. What u focus will expand. Focusing on how poor u are, the more poorer u will get. Focusing on how bad u are, the worse u get.. Timeline and targets are more impt. Someone driving a BMW Z4 once told me, "The more u chase money, the more likely u wun get it. Instead, let money chase u. Do things right and do the right things."

Enuff of rambling of biz. Knn my phone got prob! Major prob that sms and calls not coming in. Then batt not charging!! =.= Trying to restore it back despite late for work... lolx....

Sianz.. Been bored with life lately.. Nothing much interesting except for an exceptional siam bu.. =.= But nothing much also coz she's going back soon for good, saying dun like singapore due to those guys that she saw, except for me lah of coz.. Hohoho.. But anyway, no future de lah, somemore not really gonna advancing somemore even though there's absolutely nothing going on between us.

Maybe getting an OPC instead of a normal plate. I rather have the extra cash every month and spend it on branded. LOLX! Quite big diff lor and anyway night is my life not day..

Word

2009-08-05T04:39:00.000+08:00

How come that word juz spurred out from her? o.O She got read my blog de? O.o Thot all in her mind are juz the two, angel and devil. =.="

Been not drinking lately despite going down to BQ almost daily.. =.=" It's good and healthy.. Alcohol is evil!! =x Tml morning gotta wakey early to give that charbo a morning call.. Hope she did cried enuff liao bah.. Knn all gals think that all guys are craps while i still think all gals as gf are craps. Maybe i'm really a crab... Duh.. Anyway, dun really care much since not close at all.. She and dawn may be somehow getting closer but well, maybe juz for the time being bah.. Shed for wat sia... Waste water only.. Haiz..

Still lost..

2009-08-04T06:45:00.000+08:00

Some things i juz simply dun understand no matter how.. I juz dun get it how i look at it.. Izzit really already dead..? I dun get it.. Coz it still hurts! Looking at her contact number aimlessly and mindlessly.. Call or not? Msg or not? See or not? Damn.. It's juz so messy.. I envy how everyone had a life buoy, something to hang on to, at least something till he/she reaches the shore... I know, there are some for me but i juz wan to be left alone.. Juz me myself and i.. I dun need anything nor anybody despite i really need it.. Can still drink sing play laugh smile like as if nothing happens.. Can even accompany ppl who were falling down one after another.. Juz trying to make sure everyone around me stands up but me.. Exhausting myself to the extreme as if me myself is not impt at all.. Well, maybe i'm juz fan jian.. Afterall, it's me myself and i who will walk the very path till the end of time.. Friends come and go like traffic, some stay for a while and some juz pass by.. Doesn't even care who is that michelle who born in 1985 still studying, though slight interest is there.. Info are all from gred. None of my business, as usual.. I believe the so-called 'walls' are so tough so high up and never to be crumble for anyone.. Thus, i'm 'complicated'. No point knowing too much of me, coz really no point.. Can't help much anyway.. Even when hit-on, i'll still smile my way thru.. How fake.. Damn weixing.. Damn rick.. Damn nemo.. Afterall, it's still me myself and i.. Shag.. Tired.. Exhausted.. Still got 1yr 7mths more to go.....

Silence

2009-07-30T21:47:00.000+08:00

Nothing mentioned, nothing said, nothing to hint. He knew i'm clever and i could have guessed it long ago.. Not bad.. Can read my mind and actions. Lolx. If not would i juz simply fly away like a butterfly to another gal.. Well, since i'm not needed as much as that time several weeks ago, my job is done as a temp life buoy.. Though still dun wanna let go of this life buoy but well, sooner or later it will still drift away.. That's life. =) Juz that this little buoy is a bit disappointed without learning the light directly despite throwing a few tricky questions here and there.. Well, to be frank. This is LIGHT. Not like my past, she's married. Not as if i can tell the whole world.. We can only hide wherever and whenever we can.. It's miserable without status. Relax, i'm toking abt myself.. =) So long both are alright, i'm cool abt it. Coz i'm sandwiched, I've never liked to be sandwiched especially when things turned sour or bitter. It's neither left nor right for me. Thus i would never intro friends to friends unless u all help urself.. Both willing parties then no one can blamed me!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! =P =D =X

Life buoy 3 times in a mth.. Wtf.. And that time when the dark wings fell, there's nothing for me to seek on to.. Afterall, it's still me myself and i who will stand up all by myself me and i.. The alcohol doesn't helps. The singing doesn't helps. The games doesn't help. Only the mask that helps, as if the world is still spinning while inside the time had stopped.. Well, i'm already up and standing anyway. No point dwelling in the past. Locked it within me. Thanks for the happy moments though.. You wun be able to know that i posted this but still thanks for those days. I will keep those memories for good..

Been feeling sick lately.. =.=" That time also almost every night go.. But how come now is accompany her then become like that..? It's not her fault at all, i know.. Ppl kept telling me not to spend so much on her. wtf. Shld i rather spent on cyndi then? That one more worst. Like i said, she's like my ex. There's no way i would allow myself to fall back into the net thus i will not accept her at all. This one is different. She's not the type who would spend off guys. Rather, she is the one who had been supporting her bf. Duh.. I was juz abt to badmouth her bf but i guess i had backspaced it all.. No point toking abt him since she's the one involved and not me.. Haiz.. It's a TRAP!! But she's enjoying it. Bobian.. She's always okay with all guys and not okay with most gals.. =.=" My ex used to forbid me to even talk to her despite her being working juz opposite my shop.. Even her name and sms and calls were not allowed in my fone.. Luckily her number easy to rmb juz like mine..

Dun get me wrong.. I dun love her at all juz that i treat all the same despite anyone or everyone disapprove of my doings.. I'm like every gal's acting bf knn.. Dunno good or bad. =.=" But dun worry lah, i got my limit..

Tue whole day slack at home feeling sick.. Sleep a while wake up then sleep then wake up.. Suddenly dunno what to do at home... Play game also not right, go drink also not right, msn chat also not right, watch anime also not right, sleep also not right. Totally lost.. Feel like going up mount faber.. Long time no go there liao.. But i tio raped there, so dark... LOLX...

Sometimes do things according to mood might lead to some unexpected findings... Juz like that time went to bukit batok vicom for bike inspection then head back to cwp.. By right i go on the direct route.. Somehow or rather with a blank mind can turn to dairy farm then to bukit panjang then after Pending LRT turn right to move past the coffeeshop we used to have breakfast together then past her block on the right side.. Why did i take such a long way..? No idea.. I wasn't even thinking abt her at all.. Contradicting actions.. Juz like that day cyndi jio me out to far east.. Met her there and shopped for perfume then head to bugis to get a guess bag for her mommy then to boatquay.. The whole day she juz simply treat me like her bf. =.=" Take her bag, makan together, use tissue to help me clean my mouth, hold my hands to bring me cross the road, lying on my shoulder while in arcade, hold my waist while on my bike, bring her for supper and tabao for her mommy also, lastly send her home. =.="

I think i'm a bit too much.. I should not be treating all gals equally.. Lolx... Dawn and Celena are exceptional though.. And needless to say, Jasmine also coz since that 1st chalet she's on my top list of protect list.. =) Jasmine is inside my best friends group of almost 2 decade. Almost... Jennifer also, my biao mei. Of all biao meis, this one is the most prettiest and also the one i dote most coz she's the most guai and sensible one while others only know how to pick on me. Of coz she also dote on me lah, arbo kept nagging me telling me not to always go boatquay and mixed around with those ah lians like cyndi.. =.=" That noon met her for lunch she even took my fone and checked on me.. Not sure if she got took cyndi's number or not and scold her upside down for asking me go drink drink drink.. =X Fierce.. But IMO, hainanese gals are good wife-makers.. Juz like my ex, alicia.. She really go all out to take care of her partner.. Jennifer also half-hainanese.. =)

Ah... Nose is like a running tap! Juz now riding kept wanting to sneeze sneeze and sneeze! So dangerous! KNN! If tml morning not okay gotta see doctor liao..

Snapped

2009-07-27T14:39:00.000+08:00

That day really snapped thus was being 'rude' to almost everyone. Total shutdown. No one tells me what to do and i will do what i like to do. Rebellious as usual, even if words are true, meant to be good, that's me. Take it or leave it..

Yest at work everyone was saying i'm so different. Not much smile not much laugh not much words not much joke, so not like me. Still shutdown.. There's no need for smile, laugh, words, jokes. Those are juz extras. Juz leave me alone if u dun like it. But well, i juz happen to forget to bring my mask out.

Suddenly aimless and lost again.. Nabeizzz.....

Complicated?

2009-07-25T05:12:00.002+08:00

Maybe i am.. Juz dun wan anyone to really know me that well bah.. Like adam saying me cunning, well perhaps i am.. Only when with dawn, i'm purely the weixing she knew.. And only when she's with me alone, she's purely the dawn i knew.. That's why i'm her left-hand. Whenever got the chance, i will never allow her to walk alone.. As long she's single, there's no way i can get attached.. Anyway, that's not the point coz i need nobody for now.

Juz how newspapers of rumors here and there, toking abt dawn cyndi jessie jennifer jennifer lady-in-white or whoever. I may be single but absolutely not available to anyone. I juz need nobody. I'm still me myself and i. Love is the least thing i ever needed now.

Knn i'm like a companion to every heart-brokes. Lolx.. Need to drink, i go. Need to club, i go. Need someone alone, i go. Need shopping, i go. Need movie, i go. Need makan, i go. But all that i did is like never enuff to please every single soul and when things get so packed together till it seems like the whole world needs me, i am a lan jiao lang. Wtf. I got my farking own life and i do what i wanted to do and accompany whoever who truely need me the most lor. Wat a complicated world that force me no choice but to fall behind the mask. Dun think u know me when u dun even know the real me. Corrupted. Piss.

Maybe i had a little drink too much. Maybe i'm juz tired. Been thinking so much whenever i'm with her lately.. She really grew up and i'm still watching over her.. There's totally nothing between us before and she's not the kind that will really like takes me as a bridge. And most impt, i dun yearn for anything so dun bloody hell put me into those corrupted mindset. Like i said, i might be fan jian but i'm jolly well not shui bian.

Anyone would think that i would anyhow spend on gals juz becoz they act pity or watever fark. I'm no longer the old weixing. Then that time Taiwan trip i paid full for 2 tix means wat? Me and jason gay ah? Got beard is my grandpa ah? I'm now the freaking leraning-to-be-NCB asshole now.

NCB means niao chee bye. I cannot afford a car meh? Why must take van? Knn the different liability can allow me to save more. I got a farking house upcoming for me to hold. I got no farking parents to turn and rely on. I never live in comfort zone, i never had the chance to relax and tok freaking love life that always gonna destroy my freaking swee swee plannings.

Love is the sweetest little thing to keep a person moving on, for a moment, a reason in life to keep breathing. Love is also the freaking little thing that can destroy a person entirely. His/her life, career, reputation, everything single fark thing. Even friendships. Fuck, that sux. There's no such thing as beautiful endings. I've seen too much..

There might be eternity but i chose not to believe and guess will never will. Effort, time, money, feelings. In the end? Lost everything LOLX. Eating a chocolate is easy, making is not. Up and down, up and down. Not tired meh? Though i'm being influenced by the 21st Century dawn, i'm still careful or rather cunning. I can still accept anyone. Contradicting yet true. Reality is cruelty.

Some things are not meant to be messed with. I mean messy mess. Watever.

It juz hurt me to see friends one after another falling down standing up again and again. Tears dried then rolled again then dried again. But this is the reality.

Relationships never last, true friendships do. Thus i treasured every single friend. At least i had trust in some friendships but i had nearly no trust in love. Lmao.

Feverish...

2009-07-21T03:06:00.003+08:00

Wat a tough day.. Woke up coughing, and i knew going to be sick liao.. Indeed slight fever came and made me energyless... Intend to see doc and go home early.. Due to too many patients and too busy, in the end 10pm finish work.. =.="

Hopefully next really can get to meet up Celly!! Super duper long time no see my sweetie liao!! It's my bad.. That time only my best female friends num are saved to my pixon with pics on and those numbers are gone when i format my pixon.. Luckily many i got retrieved back like my ex's, dawn, jess, etc.. =.="

I need more vitamin M liao.. Need to recover all my loans out there.. Coz when sold my bike, my expenses will surely go up due to liability of my car and can't afford to anyhow spend... Drinking shld be cut.. Dating shld be up.. =x

Feel like going swimming and gym.. Juz so suddenly got the urge.. Well, cali fitness is definitely out.. I juz can't stand gays.. Maybe true yoga from vivo.. Or budget, safra club.. Lolx.. I miss Fort Canning Club.. Swimming, sauna and jaccuzi.. OMG!!

Why am i always looking back at the closed doors..? Haiz.. They cause so much misery.. I need my happy pills too.. Torn wings i have had.. Anyone out there to fix me up..? Izzit really so hard to let go...? Merely more than a yr together.. No status no commitment no nothing juz pure companionship to her.. Why am i still so upset..? So i do loved her though initially only needed someone...?

I'm not emo today.. Juz feel empty and still aimless, still directionless..

华丽的房间
孤独在旁边
唱不出快乐
伤悲是附赠的
歌词字里行间
弥漫着思念
眼眶是防线
强忍决堤崩溃

敬失恋一杯
就把回忆灌醉
点点滴滴过去
还在歌里徘徊
勇气再多一点
就能潇洒一些
笑说我无所谓

敬昨夜一杯
今晚独自过夜
怎么我的视线
还有你的画面
既然爱要不回
在情歌里找一点安慰

分手有多快乐
我努力体会
在ktv过夜
算不算是起点
没有你的世界
是如此乏味
我声嘶力竭
你有没有听见

敬失恋一杯
就把回忆灌醉
点点滴滴过去
还在歌里徘徊
勇气再多一点
就能潇洒一些
笑说我无所谓

敬昨夜一杯
今晚独自过夜
怎么我的视线
还有你的画面
既然爱要不回
在情歌里找一点安慰

The day when i drank alone..

2009-07-20T03:49:00.002+08:00

Suddenly feel tired again.. Lolx.. Alone in the pub drinking beer till 3am+.. Wah if i carry on like that drinking, sooner or later sure gana scolded by my biao mei jennifer again.. Lolx.. She kept nagging at me liao.. Still wanna tag along somemore.. =.=" Haiz.. Juz now msg her and told her i unable to meet her for dinner on tue.. Due to my RT in the evening.. And tue also my off day.. Whole day juz like that burnt..? Sian.. Then upon finishing msg, gana a good nite kiss from her. =.=" I was like, wtf.. Lolx.

Think not only i drunk, she also drunk liao.. Lolx.. Anyway, among all my 9 biao mei, she's the only one closest to me and also the prettiest of all.. My ex did saw her during CNY and she also said jenn very pretty. Lolx.. Well, definitely she is. And somemore she already taking care of the family by sharing burden with her older sis Amy.. Such gal hard to find.. If anyone were to bully her, i sure go all out. Same goes for all my close friends.. I treat everyone else juz like my family members.. Of coz, especially gals.

There'll be some exceptions lah.. Juz like how i dare to allow carol to follow my group of not so close friends to go for supper after drinking.. Juz like how i allow a drunk cyndi to go alone to meet her own friends after work despite knowing she totally drunk.. Juz like how i allow a friend to 'dance' with Jasmine at club when they dun even know each other.. Anyway, not impt lah.. Those who i really protect, i will. Play is play, some things are not meant to be played with. Juz like my samsung promotor, though not very close but i will still protect her. Needless to say for those who i'm very close to.

Suddenly cyndi called me and told me she at vivo this noon.. Said she's shopping alone.. Disturb her and asked how come dun ask other guys to accompany her since she got so many around her.. Said scared i dun like and also she dun usually ask guys to accompany her for shopping.. =.=" I mean, i dun even bother if u gonna ask another guy or not, watever for telling me all these.. There was once when i was toking to her on the fone, somehow or another i felt she's so much like nickole.. =.=" Except that figure totally not comparable lah.. But either way, anything that brings back bad memories are all outta of my league.. Mainly childish youngsters and married women and also wu-fa-zhang-wo.. Erm, though my biao mei is 19 but she's different.. Lolx.. =P And i'm especially attracted to gals who smell nice and/or nice eye contacts which can makes me feel comfortable when i look into their eyes and dun feel shy.. Lolx! I sound like a perv.. =X

Think will be having a wishlist coming out when i changing my blogskin.. Those things will be what i need to go shopping for, alone.. I dun really enjoy shopping with ppl coz i always dunno what i want and indecisive which always make ppl uneasy, so i rather walk alone..

Tired.. I need some sleep already.. Gotta settle for my bike tml..

2009-07-19T00:26:00.002+08:00

The end is near.. The dream is near.. I hope i hope.. I pray i pray.. Class 3 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ =D

Posted for my bike, trying to get it out of my hand so that i can move on to getting my 4-wheels.. I dun wanna pay both at the same time.. Will die lor with this kind of pay i'm getting... Though i'm still better off some of my friends lah.. Study more doesn't mean u will confirm earn more. Duh.. That time when did a 1-time pass on my class 3, somehow happy somehow not very.. Happy coz no need to take again and waste money.. Not coz sibei sian, always 1-time passes.. LOLX! Really mah.. PSLE, N-Level, O-Level, Poly tests, basic theory, final theory, riding theory, class 2b, class 2a, class 3, army class 3. =.=" But it's a story that u can brag for life.. lolx..

All thanks to pay delay, mountain getting higher and higher.. All thanks to pay delay, savings going up and up... All thanks to pay delay, loan-outs more and more.. =.=" My life is indeed a mess. Damn when will i ever get my house..?

Leaving for good? Maybe soon.. Preparation in progress.. Suffer now and enjoy later.. Maybe i shld? Ya, maybe i shld..

Drinking is not evil, i am evil.. =.="

Clarifications:
1. I do have a little interest in her in the past but somehow got turn off really bad by her attitude and behaviour at work. I know everyone told me she's not very good-looking but well, i'm an anything guy so long i feel comfortable.. But well, i'm not comfy anymore.

2. There's nothing between me and samsung, that's why i blew up and got heated. Not that i cannot take jokes but i cannot take it when ppl disturb others juz becoz of me. Simple. Wanna disturb me all the way, i'm fine but leave her alone.

3. I go drinking place is not entirely becoz of her. That place the other boss is my good brother, mr chris. We used to brave the front together and faced the storm. I told leon, if i dunno the boss at all i dun even intend to go for even once.

4. There's nothing going on between me and her. Though i'm an anything guy but i dun really anyhow eat fish whether fresh or rotten. I got my own taste bud. Whatever i dun like, i will never eat even if it's been forcible to my mouth. I may be a wolf but absolutely not a hungry wolf.

5. There's nothing going on between me and her whether got many many soft toys or not. I can treat each and every gals juz like my own gf but doesn't mean they ARE my gf. =.=" I'm all along like that to everyone. Even my best friend's gf last time when we go clubbing.

6. It's not that i always wan to be late for work.. I'm not taking things for granted.. I think i really had a bit too much inside me or maybe i'm really getting old already.. Maybe i really shld...

Saw that gal twice and somehow she seems to know me at the 1st time we met.. o.O Again, many said she's a flop and cannot make it. But the eye contact is mutual.. Since dunno when i last came across a gal whom i can look her into her eyes and i dun feel shy yet comfortable.. Wtf.. Wat's going on with me..? Maybe i'm destined to walk alone..?

Long time never woo gals liao, like machiam dunno how to woo le.. Lolx.. Previous and previous both also no need to woo de coz it's the other way round... Then with this two rs already past 4yrs liao.. Really rusty le.. So, whenever i feel that i'm getting it, i will refrain.. I'm a happy pill to many but hard to be a longevity pill.. Layman term, i can make many ppl happy as a happy pill, but i also made myself a longevity pill to certain special someone but always got walked out and abandoned.. So, watever for to be a longevity...?

Human are very funny creatures... When ppl treat u good, u 'might' not really appreciate nor even really rmb it.. But when u treat ppl good, u will always feel better more shiok.. This is call fan jian. =.=" Juz like how good nickole that time treat me, i always wanna treat huiwen, connie and raine better than i treat nickole.. =.=" Of coz got many more gals name no mention lah.. Then when she treat me bad, however good dawn wanna treat me i longing to treat nickole good..

(女)白茫茫的星光
洒在长长路上
想念的冰凉
你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑
深似海的眼光
都能掀起我
滔天的巨浪

(男)你相信吗
这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗
哪怕拥抱
在身上
画下深深的伤

(合)只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点

(女)白茫茫的星光
洒在长长路上
想念的冰凉
你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑
深似海的眼光
都能掀起我
滔天的巨浪

(男)你相信吗
这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗
哪怕拥抱
在身上
画下深深的伤

(合)只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点

(女)如果相爱是错
(男)错过又算什么
(合)这一次我们
宁死不放手
往彼此的心里跳
跳过天荒地老
wo oh ...
只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前

我们要一起

好好迎接那句点

2009-07-18T05:04:00.001+08:00

累了照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例想你了
好怕一放心睡了
心跳在梦中不听话的就停止了

听着呼吸像浪潮拍动着
越没力越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏都难掌握

如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心

如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白著头发蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你我不怪你

快乐什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的最舍不得

如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心

如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你

如果我变成回忆最怕我太不争气
顽固的赖在空气霸占你心里每一寸缝隙
原来依然爱我的你痛苦承受失去
这样不公平请你尽力把我忘记

Thanks for the song. I love it.. Din really notice this song till u posted it..

Another nite of drinking..

2009-06-18T13:47:00.003+08:00

Supposed to meet up with colleagues to Nana, so he jio all to go. Got ah qiang, keith and weihong too. Told them to call me when reaching. Around 10.15pm odd, Qiang called and ask me where am i. He said that they are on the way already, so ok lor i also juz stepped out of the bathroom only.. So in abt 20min i reached nana, called keith but weihong answered saying keith driving home 1st almost reaching home. =.= Call Qiang and he said he still at Serangoon, on the way liao. Wtf. I was still excited abt having such a large group of ppl coming out together. Knn. Told Qiang i gave both group 15min. Either one came and i will be cool. If not u all can slowly take ur time liao..

So, time's up and off i'm gone. Got 2 choices either go home straight or go boat quay. Called up jes and she said she also feel like going boat quay, then ok lor off to boat quay. Ken and Qiang called, told them to slowly no need to rush since i'm in the cab liao. Reached whiskey and at there almost quarrel with ken. I insist i dun wan go back nana and told them to carry on themselves and he insist that if i'm not going back then they aren't gonna carry on. Here and there, here and there. In the end, they are coming down to boat quay. At 1st jes dun wanna come liao when i told her my colleagues joining. lolx.. But she's already at Istana there liao..

Think we drank till abt 3+.. Can't really rmb.. I only know jes sent me home de.. Ya i was super drunk already.. Also dunno why i drink so much.. =.=" Now still feeling alcohol in me..

Zombie Brain

2009-06-17T00:50:00.002+08:00

Been so brain-dead the whole day.. Did so many wrong things and said so many wrong things..

Yest Jasline's sms i saw too late so no reply coz dun wanna disturb her beauty sleep. Yet today morning told her i slept liao. Wrong reply. Mentioned my compaq lappy is for my poly, in fact its my acer for my poly, compaq is after ns. Wrong words.

Today met Jason for sentosa. Discussing abt our company, mentioned each taking 20% rest goes to company to build up. Thinking of it now, 20% of 30k GP will yields $600. Eat grass ah? Talk without using brain.

Today sms-chat with karen. She mentioned quitting her 5-days-work sales job then going for a long break.. Replied jokingly asking if she's gonna get married.. =.= What an under statement from the foolish me..

Slept 2hrs only and so many things to do today makes me cockup.. =.=" So unprofessional being the usual me..

Yest went whiskey with jes, adrain and panasonic promotor. Drank till 6am.. =.=" Went for prata before heading home.. Slight rain when leaving.. Reached home around 7am.. Slept and got woke up by jason's call. Oh yeah sentosa.. Extremely tired and exhausted but still i am a sucker for tanning, relaxation, pool, singing and games.. Dragged myself to wash up then proceed to vivo when we take tram. No sun at the Palawan Beach!!! Told jason that since no sun as well go soak water.. I love swimming.. Last time always went Gordon's condo for swim at the pool weekly with zhiqian.. Jason doesn't like to swim but still cannot resist seeing me having fun relaxing with the waves.. Haha.. Think he got bitten by something. Damn suay.. His arm pain and a bit reddish.. Laze around till abt 2pm+ then we washed up and returned to vivo.. Nothing much to see at beach anywhere.. Lolx..

Went for subway.. Both of us 1st time eating.. 6-inch or footlong, we dunno which is smaller... Lolx so went for footlong! BIG!! >.< And jason managed to stuff it all in. =.=" While i left with one or two bites.. At there i switched on my HP MINI MAC and watched Drag Me To Hell trailer.. Power... A pity Jasline dun watched horror shows.. Jason jio go watch Transformer. Great.

Returned home thereafter to get my bike then back to vivo to meet up with Jasline. =) Went see see what shows available, and decided on AVM 3D. Both of us never watched 3D before anyway.. Haha.. Jessie suggested we should watch Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.. =.=" 1st time come out with such an innocent gal, ask me watch (PG/Sexual References) show. ZzZzZzZz.. After buying tix, headed for swensen. Realised both of us love vanilla.. Lolx.. Was kinda slight late for show after dessert but still managed to be on time before the show starts. Nice show except for the pain in neck for both of us due to 1st row seats.. Lolx.. After show went shopping a little since i'm looking for a watch and time is not due yet for my practical also.. Both of us actually aim the same watch by Nautica.. Quite expensive and not advisible to get as my job can be quite rough at times.. If i doing office job then i might buy coz really nice and unique..

Headed for my practical and completed my stage 3 finally. Last 2 stages liao.. Shld be able to make it in time.. Headed home thereafter but kinda drizzling so went very slow on the road even on AYE.. Scared.. Lolx.. Tired.

Suddenly recalled that time when the chapter closed and when i'm on my way to bbdc, i shouted and screamed while riding on that long stretch of road to let off the emo inside.. =.=" I'm fine liao.. No need to do that anymore..

Yest at whiskey, vicky suddenly asked for my name. =.=" Jessie said my eyes kept on glued onto her whenever she walked past our table.. Erm, did i..? Lolx.. I was admiring her tattoo on her arm lah...

Pay was delayed for Apr.. =.=" Count wrong move and lent out some money.. Lolx.. Luckily i dun spent much nowadays.. Think shld be able to tahan another one and a half mth.. Seems like everyone is owing me money.. Usually its always the other way round.. All my best buds and close friends knew what kind of situations i'm in ever since i finished army.. Debts and more bad debts.. Always me to borrow from ppl and advance pay taking from bosses... Every mth always not enuff use de.. I wonder why now is the other way round while i'm still inside the hole yet to really recup everything.. But no matter what i had to build up for that needy in 1yr 8mths.. Need tons of cash while levelling my hole at the same time.. Tough but have to be ongoing... Tough times dun last, tough ppl do.. I believe i can do it.. Xiong though..

PcShow..

2009-06-12T23:25:00.002+08:00

Tired... 10days of road show at cwp then head direct to suntec.. Xiong.. 1st day totally no mood to chiong... At least 2nd day better... But overall sales still bad... Sigh..

Today evening she called me, too busy talking to cust and also dun really feel like picking up lah.. Last time i will never missed to ans her calls whether busy or not.. When i'm free in abt an hr time, went smoke and called her back.. Asked her she called me for what, then she said nothing much. Juz here and there trying to show some friendship concern like dinner eat liao mah then i said no time to eat then asked me to see if i can quickly go grab a bite or something.. Din care much by replying no time.. Actually there's nothing to talk abt.. I wonder she called for what.. As if i so free like that.. I admit i was cold but well, there's a limit to how much one can endure and further more there's nothing to talk abt. Want to tell me how blissful she and he are going on? Heck. I never even thought of giving her any calls since the 4D thingy.

Simple, when i felt that whatever i do and not being appreciated, i will juz snapped. Even though friends. I'm saying whoever and not juz abt her. She's not my world. Everyone are my world.

Saw Rebecca Wong at the pcshow.. That time at Expo she working as cylon promotor and bought a F2235 from me, we still in contact though. This time she's working for standard chart and ask me to sign up for her.. =.=" Already got liao leh.. Lolx.. Cute and pretty as usual.. =D 1st day i walked past her and din see her then she msg me and scold me say din go over to say hi.. lolx.. Really din see mah.. =P

Jasline also working at the pcshow.. That time in march she bought a DV3605TX from me, still in contact. 1st day called her liao to check on her.. =X She's working 6th floor as a Cylon promotor.. O.O Today before 12 she came over to my booth to say hi then i saw her eating so i disturb her and opened my mouth instantly.. Lolx.. Cute as before.. =P

Yest nite before going back home, headed over to boat quay 7-11 to buy cigarettes and milk. When i came out, saw two gals coming in and all 3 of us stopped... She said i'm very 'shou' to her then i told her not to eat me up.. lolx.. Then we all laughed.. Both of us said forgot already so we smiled and walked our way.. How come got chio bu but i can dun rmb de?? o.O That's so weird of me.. Maybe customer.. Haha..

Suddenly felt so tired again after receiving that call.. Maybe becoz i uploaded those 'scandalous' pic up in my QQ and she saw? But well, it's too late. Even though she still got high chance, nothing's gonna bring me back.. It's all over..

On tue evening on msn saw karen's msn pic which shows her doggie.. Msg her and disturb her why she steal my dog.. Lolx.. Almost the same breed.. Then i put mine up and we compared.. Yup, they are different coz mine is botak.. =X Chat a little more then i logout and go home liao.. Wed morning when i login my msn, saw her msg on msn calling my name weixing.. Sms her and said explained yest no reply.. She replied, "nothing much just all of sudden when talking with u yesterday reminds me of u." "like how weird is that. Like somehow feel close with u but i dunno u anymore like so vague." Memories of the past. Not memories of the bad but memories of the good.. When was that...? 9 yrs back..? Wow... 5days after her bday i was enlisted into army.. Today had a little chat with her too.. But she called me Xing.. (O.O)

Close the book..

2009-06-10T00:34:00.002+08:00

The story had reached its final chapter.. If i say no pain, i'm lying.. Two instances.. One, with a little alcohol on day 1 and juz one song, i almost cannot hold back.. Sec, also with a little alcohol and several songs till that song came.. 1st one is more obvious coz before that instance, eyes itchy somemore and have to keep rubbing it till its watery.. =.=

Ppl had been trying to learn the whole story while i keep mum and stuffed everything inside where no one really knows wat's going on.. Still laughing smiling joking at work even after work at BQ.. Only when i spoke to xiaoling, i'm more emotional.. But gotta scolded for being fan jian by her. =.=" Wah lao not as if i woo her de mah.. I long time no woo gals liao lor. Diao.

"I will never leave him.." This sentence set the crack the glass.. Anyway, not impt.. On sat, my new post was being viewed by her. Before that we already had a little row.. I knew she viewed coz i can track who's viewing me de.. Nothing heard from her all the way till i finished work.. Zoom towards SLE, into SLE all the way towards CTE, after Bradell exit PIE, went thru Sim Ave then exited GL on the left, lane change all the way to the rightmost lane and turned into lor 11, rode all the way till the end and stopped outside the temple.. Saw her idling at work, sent a sms but no reply. Smoked one stick, called her.. Ask her if she's angry, she said not really coz the fault lies in her but sure got a little angry due to some untrue statements. Went on and on she yap and yap.. As usual, i dun get to talk much.. Talking abt herself, her own life, her online stuffs, her hometown, her dad, then lastly abt him..

Near the end of the conversation, she told me to take good care and asked if we still can be friends coz i'm a nice guy.. Leaving me doesn't mean i'm of no good but rather unfair to me if she not intending to leave him.. Dragging any further as well ends it now, before things really got worst where we unable to even be friends.. Speechless, i told her.. Then she said then we hang up lor.. She said she did not do me wrong so she will not say 'sorry', coz by saying 'sorry' will mean she's sorry to me..

What else can i say..? Rode silently and fastly home though only 120km/h.. Upon reaching my block, dun really feel like going up... But next day early 6am need wakey for car so no choice.. Went straight for shower.. Water running down my hair for quite a moment.. The water is so cold despite the heater is on yet whole body is so hot.. No breakdown, no sound. I'm still fine and under control.. Lay on my bed trying to slp... After a few min, took up my phone and started msging her a sms of abt 4 pages and sent to her before falling asleep..

Next day, everything seems so pointless with an empty heart and no aim in life.. Colourless, they called it.. Plain and vain with no directions.. Do wat also not right... No mood.. After work went down to BQ with jes they all.. In fact, dun really wanna go coz i know alcohol is evil.. It will bring down all my defences.. I also got msg her joking abt my HP num last 4 digit opened in 4D, "我们才刚分手第一天就开我的号码，如果我有买的话，分手了还有钱分呢。。哈哈。" No reply at all.. So, this is called friends after rs ends? It's meant to be a joke to break the ice by changing the bond into friendship bond.. Now it's wed liao, no reply at all..

I dun really hate her, juz that i hate myself.. Why can't i be playful all the while..? 感情专一的人容易受伤害。。。

Let go bah.. It's not the end but a new begining.. A new chapter of life.. Embrace the sunlight after rain, maybe there's rainbow.. Deep inside, the scar is still there..

Being freedom is good... Back into singular motion.. Home is still on the list.. Car is still on the list.. Wah i feel like spending off brandeds.. KNN i must be crazy..

Extreme Pain in dark

2009-06-07T00:43:00.002+08:00

Damn it. Damn it. Damn Rick.

I hate u. I hate u. I hate Rick.

Pain. Pain. Pain Rick.

The light had diminished. Dun really want to talk abt it. Pain is evil.

Unable to shed, nothing outta it.

Unable to scream, nothing outta it.

Unable to hate, nothing outta it.

Unable to love, nothing outta it.

Unable to eat, nothing outta it.

Unable to sleep, nothing outta it.

Unable to play, nothing outta it.

Unable to do things, nothing outta it.

What a mess of life u had there, Rick. Nothing but a failure.

I see no light, i feel no warmth, i smell no smell, i hear no sound, i taste blend.

Happy in disguise.. Keep it that way..
Happy-go-lucky to everyone.. Keep it that way..
Sorrow in darkness.. Keep it that way..

Many said i was like an angel to them.. Well, i'm juz a fell angel, a fallen angel.. I hate myself as much as those who hate me.. Really... 爱太痛。。。除了你我还能爱谁...？我像个残废。。。

Pain..

2009-06-01T04:16:00.002+08:00

It's like 4.17am NOW and i had to wakey at 7am later! Damn! Tired! Juz now had a little chat with her and made her gan jiong liao coz machiam i had found out something fishy. After the chat, i still go out and buy her the phonecard... Back home msg her the code and pw.. Awhile later she called back.. Nothing much to say. Nothing much to explain coz nothing goes in.. Went into my QQ blog and type so much in there... All in chinese yes.. Knn now is like machiam everything is my fault. My fault in getting jealous izzit? WTF. Wat the farking world had come to? None of the gals can be trusted. Yes now i meant NONE. All have to be for FUN only. Damn.

In fact, i'm not really getting much worked up. Juz maybe the words i said were quite harsh. Well, not really pissed. Maybe i'm juz finding fault. Finding fault to force myself let go. Finding fault to make her useless and worthless in me. Finding fault to end these. Maybe i'm juz selfish but well, that's me. Take it or leave it. All along my temper was no good at all. So many yrs liao.. Occasionally of coz still will erupt lah.

Jason said i've fallen into the trap again. Girls only mah, scared no have meh? I'm juz lazy.. Build up, stablised, collapsed. Again and again and again. Even Keith also same prob.. So he's back into smoking.. No more commitments so he buy what he want to buy now and do what he used to not do when hitched.. Knn am i going back to my shadow again? Where's my life buoy? I had no one to turn to. Unlike last time liao... Got celena, got carisa, got xuehui, got shan, got jenny, got huiwen, got connie, got dawn. Even Erica is my life buoy even though she only accompany me watch movie.. I know there are some that i din mentioned or missed out. But what's the point of having so many when i dun have one that i can really talk to? When facing them be it in person or on the fone or on sms or in msn, nothing comes out of me.. That's why this blog is still alive and its still opened to public.. Unspoken words that are stucked inside are out in here...

Advices here and there been on going since dunno how many months ago.. Nothing heed. Nothing done. No future? Doesn't give a damn. Two-time? Wastage of time and money, somemore that's not my cup of tea. I'm bad at two-timing. Find FL and release stress? Cure for the time being but not entirely cured. I can go thai/viet with the guys, i can go disco with the guys, i can go pubs with the gang, it's only curing for the time being..

Look for Cyndi, Wendy, Xiaoling, Pamela, Ella? Frankly i will only consider Wendy.. Not our Epson promotor, it's one of the waitress. But who knows, maybe in 1yr 9mths time she's not the intended wife? Anyway, a wife is juz a part and parcel of life. So long she can start my next gen, i dun give a damn. That's what a wife is for, IMO. There's no such thing as love... Love is not blind, i am blind.

Tired..

2009-05-14T13:54:00.002+08:00

Yest went down boat quay with jessie and jason.. Supposed to report work earlier today to help out richard.. Too tired unable to wakey.. =.=" Yest drank a bit too much liao... Headache..

Yest saw pamela, she no more working pub liao she said.. But suddenly she promised raymond that she will help out on tue, thurs and sat.. =.=" She actually came boat quay to find her 'auntie' de.. The white colour ah lian.. Lolx.. When outside whiskey smoking saw them. Then her 'auntie' drunk liao put her head on pamela's shoulder.. Then when pamela turn her head to look at her, they kissed! (O.O) Then i gave them the astonishing look but that gal looked at me and smile then sticked out her tongue. =.=" Think her age almost similar to pamela but slightly older. Pam called her auntie is becoz of the generation different, related in blood i guess.. But she vomit until sibei jialat. Ended up pam had to take care of her. =.="

Then Cyndi working yest also at whiskey.. Then wanting me to open bottle. ZzZzZzZzZz.. Seems like she got prob with her bf liao. All ask me to go ahead. =.=" But frankly my mind is full of the white gal.. She also got come in whiskey bar to take water, still can give me a 'V' sign.. Lolx.. I showed her a thumbs-up then she showed she's ok.. Well, that was before she vomit. =.="

The big spec guy beside us kept wanting to talk to my jessie.. Lolx.. Then i write in my iphone to ask her to go ahead lolx.. Cute mah. =P Wah Jessie's pool skills getting better and better.. Especially her double.. Lost so much to her yest.. Power..

Yest got a lot of randoms in mind.. Abt work abt gals abt life abt game. =.=" Jason is right. It's all becoz i dun have a home to bring gals home to, tat's why i always restrain.. Got the signal to go forward but when seeing the fish is bitting the bait, i reel back.. Actually it's not really becoz of a home but more of a commitment or rather a reason to back off.. Days back i juz scolded jessica.. Sigh.. It was a mistake.. Becoz my msn said i divorcing my 'wife', she thot i was married.. Then she asked when i said since the time in ST where jessica working too.. Then scolded me that i'm married but still play around.. Then i scold her back saying that me and her got nothing at all so why bother so much whether i'm married or not.. She said she thot there's something between us that's why she mind that i'm married. Actually it's complicated, in actually fact we truely clean juz went out once to bugis village walk walk nia.. She pissed off and away. =.="

Well, another reeling back in place.. Cyndi's reel also back liao.. Xiaoling's reel also back liao. Xiaocui and Amy also back liao coz they went back china le.. No need reels at all lah.. Anyway, put liao also always not wanting to get any fishes... I'm bad at many-timings. =.="

Genting trip this month end before my roadshow.. Looking forward to this getaway for relaxation..

吴克群-爱太痛

2009-05-07T07:33:00.002+08:00

吃不能吃睡不能睡

没有了你全都不对

我都学不会把爱敷衍

用笑容来把眼泪催眠

笑不能笑哭不敢哭人

不像人鬼不像鬼

朋友都说这不过失恋

但我却连呼吸都胆怯

能不能不爱了

因为爱太痛了

我痛得快死了

却无法把你忘了

能不能不爱了

爱情它太痛了

我痛得快死了

却无法把爱割舍

...我不能睡...

我不能够不能够不爱了

226 posts...

2009-05-01T00:57:00.002+08:00

Now then i know i had blogged this much already.. =.=" Back from Taiwan days back. Still haven't adapt to the hot weather.. Lolx.. It's like so humid and warm here.. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz.. Half naked also no use. Got alot photos incl jason's total more than 200+.. =.= All had been updated onto my photobucket but kinda lazy to post here.. Maybe after i back from my EXPO bah.. YES EXPO! KNN! =.=" In fact i dun like doing shows.. Shag leh... Always not enuff water.. Sigh!

Fri, Sat & Sun full shift at da show at expo. Arbo will be full shift at cwp. Though i seem rusty liao but i need to buck up somemore to pick up my momentum.. Not enuff work time.. Haiz.. Then bike gives me problem again.. No headlights and signal lights.. ZzZzZz.. On and off lah not totally gone.. Really cannot take it liao.. Monday off day will go BBDC register class 3 then head to cwp for my invoices then do my report then after that will meet weihao go see bike.. If see got like one i think i will proposed to change it.. Waste time and effort and money..

Wed flew Taiwan and reached evening then after we eaten our mee sua, darling called me and did many complains.. Ya her usual rants.. Actually i'm more than glad to be there for her and i'm delighted to hear her complaining.. She's so cute.. Haha.. Then she doesn't seems to believe i'm at taiwan liao coz when she called me the ringing sounds local.. Lolx.. Then on sat morning she called me early in the morning 8am when she reached home. Haha.. Trying to catch if i'm sleeping with another gal bah... Really happy that i received her calls.. ^.^

When back at sg liao, one fine day jio go drinking.. Instead of BQ, went Nana.. Never really like nana though i dun mind the music there.. In fact such clubs i would prefer St James.. But nana liq is cheaper lah... Sigh.. Inside there noticed a siam bu named Coco.. Knew her since abt 2yrs ago when i was still in ST. There was once kelvin toh jio me and david go Parklane there drink then from there i got to know her de.. Ya, she's the one who took off my ring from my finger, that time the other one still on my neck.. The duo of roman time engraved were gotten by me to remind me that time will take away all the unwanted memories.. Still rmb when i with my darling during the 'honeymoon period', she ever asked me how come only got one.. =.=" I kept silence but she guessed it was with my ex, so she confiscated it then buy a new pair of another design.. She's so cute.. ^.^

Back to topic, saw that coco at nana but i din call out to her coz i did saw her but not really sure if it was her.. Then kelvin toh saw her and asked me.... I said ya.. Then she turned and saw me, immediately jumped table and grabbed me by my arms.. =.=" Then the whole nite became so complicated.. Yeah dawn always said nightlife were always complicated.. When the drinking session ending, left with only jason devin and jessie and me with that coco outside da club smoking, the 3 of them ditched me.. =.=" Smoked outside with her then after that she pulled me in again.. At the hallway saw the other gal lor and she's going back already.. Ya the one who looked like my ex.. =.=" The mole near her mouth and the face shape.. Actually i'm more interested in this one.. Lolx.. Then coco talked to her liao, the gal left then coco said she still gotta worked till 6am so told me to go home 1st, next day wan go my workplace find me.. =.=" So i went out and head home then saw the gal board a dark blue Subaru. Diao.. Taken liao.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. Kept thinking of her until i reached home then after bath i realised i forgot to buy cigarettes. Went down to buy since dad pester me to buy him some beer. Knn he already drank enuff still wan to drink somemore. Saw my money in my wallet then everyday also like that. Next day still gotta alot of things to do. Duh..

Afternoon went down vivo meet jason for lunch then get the invoices for the past wk from jessie then at vivo IT counter rush my report. =.=" Reported work at 5pm+.. At nite qiang jio go down BQ to drink then richard maybe going also.. Cannot decide coz called darling and she's not working. Playing game at home whole day.. Then asked if she wanted to meet later so that i can pass her the things i bought for her at Taiwan.. Quite indecisive so unable to promise qiang for BQ also.. At the end of the day, decided go her place find her. Met her and pass her the things.. Bought her 3 pairs of earrings, a necklace, a hp strap blink blink hello kitty, and 3 clothings.. 1st time buy clothing for someone without her trying before buying.. Coz i always scared buy wrong size or something.. Come to think of it, i shld be familiar mah. =.=" Anyway, she still looks great as usual.. No wonder i can't bear to let go.. Sigh.. Then i showed her the watch i bought from batam. She saw and loved it at the 1st sight.. Lolx.. I took down and let her wear. Wow the size is juz right! So...she confiscated it and said will buy a new one for me.. Lolx.. Well, i'm that anything de.. I juz dunno how to reject ppl.. Especially gals.. Haha.

Kiss her goodbye liao then i carry on my way to AYE.. On the road i kept thinking where to go.. Ride and ride and ride, ended up at Geylang. Lolx.. 1am+ we at lor 28 there.. Not really fun lah but quite ok the dancers.. Got a few quite nice they danced.. Nothing much there, also that i'm not interested.. Only wanted a few sip and listened to the techno.. Ended at 2.30am then the gang go eat with two of the gals. Jason went back on cab while i go to my bike.. Went on the BQ to find qiang coz i'm hungry.. He's at Whiskey.. Met up liao went for prata then go back to the pub.. Sit there tok cock, play games with amy and xiao cui, smoke, drink, sing. All the way till 6am. =.=" Lucky next day no work..

When wakey liao meet up with Jason at SLS as he going there to take the AION client from Leon. Then i learn how to top up my account for my AION so that i can get to play.. My account expired liao. =.=" After that we met up with brandon, joan and jess for steamboat at shaw there.. Ate quite alot but doesn't seems to get my stomach filled fully.. =.=" Thereafter, we went boatquay to relax.. I solo there 1st.. Then saw xiao cui and she immediately grab me over.. =.=" Told her i'm not the boss today but can help her a bit by sitting outside whiskey lah but in the end still gotta use her own strength to persuade the rest.. Lolx.. In the end, we are in. Pool almost all the way.. Then got something happened.. Got a xiaoqiang went up brandon's pants... Lolx.. Disgusting lor.. In the end we did not ordered another bottle though for me jess and jason, it's still early.. We went back early.

Wed nothing much. Morning bought concert tix on behalf of cousin then went work. Went makan with wendy then she followed me to basement to buy the birdnest, help my cousin buy de also. After work went back home and played my Aion.. Jason did called and asked me to go down Lips but kinda no mood to go.. So simply stayed at home..

Today bz day sia.. Went over to pay for my bike installment then go Bugis to pick up the concert tix then the sistic said their printer broke down, told me to go Bras Basah or Cityhall to collect.. =.=" Went on to Bras Basah to get the tix then straight to work.. Today working quite flop.. =.=" Got biten by a few customers though they really wanted to buy com de.. All also served so long.. But bo bian lah.. Need sales.. In the end only gotten 4sets. =.=" Dad called and said he din cook, told me to buy my own food.. At 1st qiang tempt me with BQ de.. But think think, dun wanna go.. Coz i wanna go down Geylang.. Lolx... Not to go to those places lah... But went to darling's workplace and ordered two packets of chicken chop takeaway.. Wah see her from afar i melt liao.. Lolx.. She saw me and was smiling. Made a funny face but still smiling.. ^.^ When i ordering food, she straightaway intro me to her aunt, as ex-colleague. As well as the person who intro yanyan to best denki. Yanyan is her lovely daughter. Thus, i was able to tabao the food for free.. =.=" Walao biz is biz leh.. Arbo i would look like someone who's trying to earn credit or rather favour.. But darling insist that she will not take my money. =.=" Thanked both of them then head to my bike and head back home.. Wah their store really busy.. =.= Biz is so good..

On my way back home, at Lavender there my fone rang. Since i at traffic light red, took out my fone and saw darling calling. Immediately stopped by the bus-stop and called her back. 4 missed calls to me.. =.=" Thought she called me becoz wan to find me to smoke.. Lolx.. Actually she's doing her delivery and was on her bicycle.. Said she unable to really tok to me coz gotta work.. Tok abt some usual stuffs of work and personal then she gotta get bz with work liao. Thus, i carry on my way home then eat my chicken chop. Yummy.. So full of love.. Lolx..

Msn with jessie and she sent me alot of songs. Wah all i dun have de.. O.O Think i really getting old and rusty liao.. Lolx.. Showed the casing that i wanna ordered from hongkong.. Nice lor.. Dunno shld i get it or not.. I always liked things that are unique and not easily available.. Shag.. At 1st thot wanna blog a little then go slp liao coz tml expo 10am muz reach.. Now then i know i rant so much.. Lolx..

But really, i really regret what i did.. =.=" Wtf.. Think i'm going back to the times that i shld reject all siam/viet clubs/pubs..

A change finally

2009-04-21T02:33:00.002+08:00

Shag out.. Slept at 7.30am and yet wakey at 11am then tahan until now still do my blog.. =.=" I muz be siao or wat.. lol..

Yest went down to qb with BD group however switched over to Martin instead since xiaobudian asked... But brandon and his wife left first then followed by jason. Left me and jessie.. Later steven and qiang came down to look for me as they haven't got enuff alcohol in them.. Chatted a while and played a few games of pool then found something amusing.. Lolx.. That pinky guy seems interested in knowing Jessie but not sure who am i to her so dare not really approach but rather kept toking to me.. Then after the match between him and jessie they shaked hand. While shaking jessie's hand he looked at me for a while lolx.. Confirm leh.. =D When told jessie she still dun believe.. When i played pool with him, he already kept beo-ing liao lor.. Lolx.. Anyway, cyndi also there with her bf. Said she not working for a wk liao. =.=" If i'm the boss i also will not hire u lah. ZzZzZzZz.. Anyway, jess left early while i sent her down to take cab then as we sms-ing she complaining a bit on the uncle driving her a big round via orchard shaw.. Lolx.. That uncle sleepy lah mind not functioning well..

Left with the 3 of us.. Drink, sing, tok. All the way until 7am then the boss says he really need to close liao... LOLX! When we came down from Martin and down to the road, the whole sky is damn bright liao.. 1st time for all of us to be drinking till this EARLY! =.="

Went home wash up and did some sms. Then on my mininote and check mail then realised something... She posted a new photo.. Juz now after my work reached home and again another photo. She's not the usual cam-whore. Maybe less than 5 pics a year. =.="

Anyway, did some postings the other day on the QQ group asking ppl inside a question. Interesting...

"Hi ppl, may i know how can i remove my qq or rather entire account? Anyway, someone register for me last time but i din really use it. Then nowadays i've been online in this chat for like several mths liao, but i've never seen her online. Even though she's online, i'm juz a 'transparent', anyway i'm not important. I'm tired."

These were posted in chinese while i direct convert.. I knew she will see it. I posted it on sun morning 6am before i slept.. Sun evening 5pm she called, trying to tok abt it but i act busy trying to rush her with my words here and there.. Then she spur out asking wat FEI HUA i'm toking abt inside there. I juz say that's a fact. Then she tried teaching me on the process of removal. I was doing upgrading and installation for cust so listen half-hearted lor.. Then without much heart to do the toking, i told her to wait then i asked weihao some questions abt cust things then when back on her i told her i'm busy if later free then tok. Sounds cool as i can act, but pain.. Thereafter at downstairs, 3 sticks were burned..

Yea.. I was cold in my words.. When i posted those words in the chatroom, i removed my ring from my neck, name in my phonebook had been changed and pic had been detached from her ctc. I'm really tired. It's an obvious sign and there's NOTHING i shld say to her coz it's like there's nothing between us. As if we had never started, so there's no need for an end. No essential for a word called 'break'. Coz we ain't official in the 1st place.. Ya i'm juz a nobody. Not needed at all. I will not contact her again. There's a limit to everything.

Mon her off day and great, no news. Cfm i gave up liao. I dun even bother msg/call her since she dun even bother. 1 and a half day more to taiwan getaway. I really need a break.. Ya a break.. Maybe it's better that way.

2009-04-19T02:28:00.000+08:00

Stumbled on a blog on a trip reminds me of an incident with a friend.. =.="

The conversation goes like this....
Wah i really need to take a break! I want to go Taiwan!
I also want to go!!
Huh...?
I want!!
=.= Hmmmmm.....
Come on..
Well, i will not book 2 rooms de wor.. *giggle in mischief*
Okie!
Well, i dun like to slp on single bed de wor...
Okie!!
=.="

Though i did not really bring her go but she's kind of naive.. =.=" Same age as me. ZzZzZzZz.. And she's juz a friend to me.. Well, juz one of the few gals that i actually bring to hang out with my group of best friends.. Though only once during ktv session.. My besty knew i will not anyhow bring friend along especially gals lol.. I think so far only a handful.. My ex Shan, friend Celena, friend Dawn, friend Ruyou, friend Xuehui & friend Joy. Well, my this group is the longest group alive coz it consists of only my primary school friends, some with spouse.

But as it goes, smaller and smaller it gets.. One after another getting more and more tired in maintaining the circle.. Celebrating one another bday as time comes.. Meeting up here and there for food or leisure.. Everyone got their own lifestyle and things to do.. Everyone can be busy.. It's juz about whether to put in effort to make things work or not.. It doesn't juz take one hand to clap.. Jiang Shan doesn't build up in a day.. It takes 108 ppl effort to make it happen.. Being a leader is tough i know.. But as a support there's nothing i can do to help her.. Helpless seeing and hearing her crying over bitterness and yet nothing can be done to make the group strong and bond like before.. Age goes up and everything can change as time passes by.. Reality is cruel but yet we still have to stand to face and accept rather than to try to change.. Jocelyn left with her bf.. Now Jinlun with his gf.. With JL not around, Jianhao also not joining.. Only left Jasmine, Wendy, Yuxiang and me.. Jasmine is married and yet she's still do organising for events.. Wendy is soon to ring the bell as well, heard they are looking for flat already.. Yuxiang still same as before.. Having no confidence due to the last incidence.. 5yrs, wat to do.. Me too hectic from my work and quite occupy at times with my game if not occasional pubbing for pools. Yeah i'm still a sucker for pool lol.. Wow that time i actually won 5 rounds in a row! >.<

Anyway, me yx and jas had been toking abt the situation.. Yea it's getting smaller now.. Everyone is like so busy.. As for me, can't blame me due to my work but of coz i do compromise if i really can.. Juz like that time i having PCshow so unable to go for majong at Jas's place... I wonder if that day i were to be there, things wun get that sour and bitter.. Haiz.. Sad.. All good things always come to an end..

1st time she was crying.. The only different is the other one i was there after that though not lending any shoulder but ears whereas this one was only lending ears thru the phone.. The other one i accompanied her till 7am, this one till 2am.. The other one i was single at that time, this one i was attached. Nonetheless, it still pain to see friends in pain.. Their sorrow are my sorrows.. =.=" There's no sorrow without happiness and there's no happiness without sorrow. All are part and parcel of life.. Juz like how living things eventually went on to the afterlife while the remains back to the earth.. Sad.. One door closes, the other opens.. The door opens, the other closes.. Never ending shits. We are really born to suffer aren't we not..? And yet we had to survive everyday juz like how african had to do to suvive.. Tragic as it can be, but that's life..

"Everyone can give up on u, but there's no way u can give up on urself. Juz like me, myself and i. When there's nothing but darkness around, i'm the only one who can bring myself up and be me again.."

That's a phrase that's in my head where no one ever told me the real morale of the "me, myself and i". No one truely understand why they are using it and how it really came from.. Anyway, that's MY LOGIC, which i've never said before. Juz like how a person understand the meaning of "me, myself and i", he/she assumed he/she will simply gets the meaning.. In fact, it's simple in complicated pyschology. U think u know, maybe not. U think u dunno, maybe yes. There's no right or wrong, juz move on coz planet earth doesn't stop juz for anyone..

If July 2009 were to be the last mth i gonna live, i would live as it is while it still last.. I will not fly off to another other safe spot, nor will i run away.. Everything had a start, got an end.. I dun wish for anyone beside on the day of ragnarok nor do yearn for any. I juz wish for eternal serenity. Was it a lie to panic the world? Or was it a prank to pull people's leg? Well, doesn't matter to me.. Even if i live on pass Aug 2009, who knows in 30-40yrs time? Juz come early and end my misery coz living itself is a misery.. But i can't juz end it anyhow.. For my family, for my love, for my dog, for my work, for my colleagues, my customers, for my relatives, for my besty, for my friends. I still have to play my part as Rick, as Weixing, as ahboy..

Some time back had already differenate the two. Both are entirely different. Juz somehow a bit nostalgic here and there.. But that will only brings back melancholy bad memories of my past.. I seek nothing of that since i'm already hitched(for now).. There's no desire at all but a nut that never understood wat felt inside.. =.=" J said i'm still the same as before that cling on the cliff and forever never says die till the day cliff says "please die". Well, that's me in the 1st place..

When he said he love u, the more u cried and hate urself.. I dun understand.....

When he never said "i love u", the more u yearn and wish for it.. I can understand.....

When i said "i love u", she replied "me too", the more uneasy i felt and wish for more.. I dun understand.....

What the hell is wrong among these situations.. Human are indeed unpredictable creatures with so many hell unlogical emotions. =.=" Juz like how i reject, juz u are a nice gal and i'm not ur standard. Any guys will cursed and swore at me for that. But, at that time how i yearn to tell her those actual words that are stucked in the throat.. =.="

Some things always the most beautiful when not being able to obtain.
Becoz of this sentence, the one rather choose the uncle.. Maybe she's right abt it..

All these ain't random but from bottom.. Like i said before, it's not everyone in my phonebook i would simply juz go find them juz to accompany them juz becoz they are sad or happy or lonely. I'm not a 'thing', nor am i an 'item'. If one doesn't hold any 'weight' in me, i rather choose my game or slumber. The 'weight' is not juz any 'weight'..

And btw, i'm not chim... I'm born Aquarius, water of mystery.. So, it's kinda normal.. =)

2009-04-05T03:01:00.002+08:00

真的有点累了。。不知道要怎么说才好。。信任已减低了，疑问也多了。。刚得知是有人每天都会送她去上班，我就感到不自在。就算她说是要给钱的，我还是感到不安。我休假还特意说要送她去上班反而还会被拒绝。。以前上班时还会通电话，难道现在不方便了吗？一两个月见一次面，见面不到三小时，我们这样是快乐的吗？我又不是牛郎阿，干吗要这么痛苦与辛苦呢？花了一千块买了一架手机？还是别人送的？她休息的莫一天我还特地不睡觉，七点的时候打给她连听电话都不听，那么的不方便吗？休息一整天连给电话都没有，有时还关上了电话，玩失踪啊？好让我找不到也摸不清在设么啊？我撞车的时候，睡觉比看我还来的重要。。我看我得检讨一下我自己了。因为我觉得我真的不重要了。。已经不需要我了。。有我与没有我已经没有分别了。。以前每天都想见面，现在已经变得无所谓了吧？痛。。。还记得有一次和她去喝酒还说过后我们去别边，最后说要回家了。。但是呢，结果说自己一个人在咖啡店喝酒。。还说喝到很晚。。还是在等人放工..？我有太多太多的疑问了。。她每次有问题或是不开心的时候都不会跟我说。她说过，不想跟我说是因为不想让我担心。不跟我说难道跟‘他’说啊？不跟‘他’说难道还有另一个人吗？连这种事都不跟我说的话，那我算设么？我根本就一点都不被需要。那我还在这干嘛？

坦白说，我已看不清未来了。。你到底在想设么？可以告诉我吗？我真的很想知道你的全部。

可能是我想太多了吧。可能是我要求太多了吧。如果我根本都不爱你，我干吗浪费我的时间和精神呢？是不需要我的爱了吗？是不需要我这个人的存在了吗？我一点都不重要了吗？

我看我需要一些时间冷静吧.....我每天听到这首歌的歌词，我都很痛..里面就像是在流着血。。心如刀割。。

爱是这辈子的坟

一个人好孤独, 反正你也不在乎

我该如何你才能感到满足

你走的时候我用沉默代替挽留

是你对爱不认真,还是我没天分

他的唇更适合你想象的那个吻

冰冷的理由摧毁我的身

但看到你幸福眼神,我的泪不再冷

亲爱的能不能最后给我一个吻

能让我死后带走这余温

你说我不要再天真,

那是不可能我们没缘分

一个人好孤独,反正你也不在乎

我该如何你才能感到满足

你走的时候我用沉默代替挽留

是你对爱不认真,还是我没天分

他的唇更适合你想象的那个吻

冰冷的理由摧毁我的身

但看到你幸福眼神,我的泪不再冷

亲爱的能不能最后给我一个吻

能让我死后带走这余温

你说我不要再天真,那是不可能

我们没缘分

他的唇更适合你想象的那个吻

冰冷的理由摧毁我的身

但看到你幸福眼神,我的泪不再冷

亲爱的能不能最后给我一个吻

能让我死后带走这余温

你说我不要再天真,那是不可能

我们没缘分

爱是这辈子的坟

如果可以抛弃一切永不睡醒，那是我要的天堂。。。活着是痛苦的，死去是幸福的。。。
http://rickandwx.blogspot.com

2009-04-03T01:58:00.002+08:00

Juz jail-break my iphone.. hack till 5am yest nite.. =.=" shag out lol.. Finally able to change the theme liao.. Now the next thing will be wanting to be able to forward sms which iphone cannot do.. ZzZzZzZzZz... Unable to find a free version.. lolx.. Realised something when i switched from pixon to iphone.. I lost 5 contacts.. Dawn, Dawn's home, Jessie, Darling, Darling home. =.=" Coz that time these 5 got pic profile so ctc were moved to phone from sim.. =.=" Then deleted all when selling off my pixon.. But lucky some numbers were in my brain. Sweat. Lolx.. I dun rmb house numbers.. =.="

Lately been tempted to keep going pub.. Maybe i shld learn from richard.. Go ktv alone with some beer.. Anyway, there's quite a few nearby my house.. Not being emo juz wanna sing and relax.. That shld be one of a few ways to enjoy life i guess..

Been looking at areas for new home and looking at loans for HDB.. Though still got 23mths but very soon de lor.. Still whether to get hitched or together with mummy's name to get house still a mystery.. Been quite a while since i had my own private dimension liao.. Had been a decade since i moved outta Jurong.. I only scared later too happening nia when i get my new home.. =.=" Anyway, job doesn't seems stable when i sees so many ppl clinging strong to their job despite the pay-cut and comm-cut.. No places are truely stable even if it's of my own.. Haiz..

There's no such thing as definite.
There's no such thing as confirm.
There's no such thing as trust.
There's no such thing as friendship.
There's no such thing as companionship.
There's no such thing as true love.

The whole world is fake!

Lolx i'm juz being random.. Well, i'm still attached. One yr one mth and still counting.. Knn dawn still like so surprised that we lasted so long already.. Shld be i'm the one saying that sentence to her lor.. But she claimed that she had changed le.. No longer the old dawn that i knew.. 江山易改，本性难移。Though i kept having that thot but she still holding strong.. And still wishes the best for me.. Haiz. Dun go against the will of nature.. Let nature takes its own course bah..

Cb fatty say i flop ever since i rode back my bike. =.=" Wah lao lazy to style lah.. Lolx.. At least i keep it short and not messy lor.. ZzZzZzZz.. Anyway, not as if i'm going to style to pian some xiaomeimei ah.. Lolx..

That day went Whiskey with ken, steven, chua, qiang and ken's wife. The day after QB session with brandon, brandon's wife, jessie, kelvin toh, jason and zhiwei. Both days also xiong.. Coz QB with denki ended at 1am but i super high, if that day continues onwards i'm in the mood lor.. When i'm in the mood, i'm a fun guy lolx.. That's how i got my 'NEMO' nick i think.. Lolx.. Whiskey with courts also jialat, all the way till pub closes and eat prata before home.. =.=" Think with Amy got chance.. Well in fact there's nothing good abt her, i juz like her lips.. Lolx perv! But really lah.. They are small and look tasty. LMAO!!

Both days also got a single person gave me a little gf feeling made me uneasy.. Coz mon is her off day and she din contact me.. Wed went down geylang to try to peep her and went wrong coffeeshop and saw the western store is closed then reached home called her and her phone is off.. Whole body warm up.. Long time no such feeling liao.. Almost had a thirst for alchohol.. Called abt 5 times.. After an hr tried again then got thru.. =.=" Her phone batt emptied. Had a nice chat and the cloud is cleared.. ^.^ I'm really hard to please de.. Haiz.. Uncertain and doubt will kill it as time goes on like that.. And she knew i was uncomfortable abt not being able to reach her.. She starting to lose it liao.. When i'm really gone, i'm gonna be gone for good...

Called Cyndi once when i'm at QB with denki.. Her mum picked up. =.=" Asked me who am i and where her daughter is working at. =.=" Lucky i'm quick to react and told her at parkway, shopping centre. =.=" Wat a big liar i am.. Lolx.. But bo bian lah, wan to get ppl's mother worried meh..? Sigh.. Then the next day spoke to Cyndi and we had a good laugh, with her mum of coz.. Her mum thot i'm her bf sia. wtf.. Then she also jialat one.. Act like one, in front of her mum.. Like asking me to bring her go see doc coz she sick.. Asking me whether wan to go visit her after work coz she's sick and will be at home.. Then ask if i'm gonna ta bao supper for her family. =.=" Then several questions shot me. Do i really look/sound like i'm interested in her? ZzZzZzZzZzZz..

In fact, i would treat almost every single gal the same way as i would treat my gal, except tat i would treat my gal much much better.. Occasionally for some close ones i will also go to the extend to give them the 'warm' needed.. And also, i shall repeat myself again though already said thousand times.. Me and Dawn are clean. There's nothing between except for the fact that we are really close last time juz like how me with celena, me with jasmine, me with carisa, me with vina, me with huiwen, me with connie, me with xuehui.

From keith, there's no best friends between a man and woman, normally it's either rejection then both become close to each other despite having no relation, purely as friends..

Every chapter had a story behind them. Anyway, there's nothing to hide. And btw, i'm not always the one who got rejected except by......... Hmmmm.. At first i did put name but i think it will not be right.. Lolx.. But ppl who are close to me can easily let me fly to their side whenever i hear sign of neccessary.. If again dawn needed someone to tok to her till daylight under her block, i would.. If any of the mentioned said that, i will be there too.. Even though i had to work for the roadshow or pcshow.. roadshows/pcshows can flop but i only have one individual unique friend that is non-replaceable..

If she wanted me to pick her up everyday 5am and send her home, i would.. Even if i were to die of exhaustion, i will grasp my last breath for her but not for my friends not even close friends..

If u really love the stars, even though i cannot get the stars but at least i would bring down the moon for u..

I once said those to someone of a 'friend'. If she still rmb abt the moon.. I believe she do, though quiet as always.. Always hiding in the back supporting me silently, till forever.. Forever i will rmb u too and silently too..

2009-03-25T03:02:00.000+08:00

JANUARY

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

Found these when i stumbled Dessy's blog.. =.="

2009-03-25T02:15:00.002+08:00

Never gana poke, u will never know the pain. So what u dun have friends anymore? So what i got so many friends? If 2yrs ago i did not lost my hp, u think my contacts got so little only 400+? It's a fact lor. Got so many for wat? Useless wat.. Juz like that kind of friend u had there. Got one like that already headache liao then u still wan many many? Juz live life lah. I can be shui bian too and can have tons of friends but got use meh? Maybe next time got use for them lah but who knows?

When i told him my past, he was shocked. Earning so little while i earn so much but never he imagine i'm so poor last time. Candles, darkness, coldness, houseless, dirtyness. None of the situations he had ever experienced. Then cham what cham? Very jialat meh? When i 1st started work i drink tap water and eat white bread, u can meh? When i 1st started work i smoked paper, u dare to smoke that in public? When i 1st started work, eating one meal a day with one big bottle plain water tahan a wk, maybe this one u can. Every mth end facing vitamin M and every home also get vit M from u, u can tahan? Somemore that time only getting like 1k flat back home nia. Also can survive ah. So wat i earn more now? So wat i dun need to pay anything at mth end? So wat i dun have liabilities? It's how u look at life mah. The more farkup u think u are in, then the more farkup ur situation is lor.. Nowadays kids are too good life. Never slept the streets before. Never slept the bridges before. Never slept near the sea before. Never really gets the bitterness that i had once went thru. CB when i was in that state when i was 6yrs old, u are still drinking milk lor. Never had anyone been more jialat state that i ever been thru..

So conclusion, ditch that friend of urs. He's not even fit to a called a 'friend', more like a fiend to me. 1st time steal ur gf. 2nd time steal ur hp. What's next? If juz now that one is me, i'm afraid his head already kissed my glass bottle liao.

Been emo lately also. Dun really wanna tok abt it.. Whenever tok to her in msn, made me tear down my mask.. Forever putting up a strong front whenever msn chat her but forever tear down thereafter.. It's not that i dun wanna try.. Juz maybe i'm really tired.. Even got the heart also dun have the strength.. Dun bother introducing gals to me, really.. I'm really a bad guy, not worth hurting ur friends.. I know u knew i wouldn't.. But i juz dun wan.. I really dun care.. I know how much u wanted to pull me outta the pit.. But please, dun get pull down by me.. I may be once ur buoy but i juz dun wan to see u as a buoy now.. How come i sound so much like 'her' and how come i realised my plannings are juz like 'her'..? =.=" Anyway, nvm.. Juz let me hide and put up my mask a little longer.. Maybe after this yr the end is really near.. Somemore i still got two more pending holidays cfm liao.. Thailand and Taiwan.. Both i'm so looking forward to them..

Mon when i'm returning from sls after getting my comp fixed and when i'm inside the taxi passing by Riverfront, how i wish i'm outta town and no need to think so much abt anything.. Be it work, rs, money or friends.. It's really deep and stubbornly i juz dun wanna climb up.. Juz let me be for the time being.. The more u forced me, the longer i shall be in and the more i fight back and hide..

Now i understand.. So many gals yet so empty.. Soul-less soul back again.. Maybe it's juz gonna be me, myself and i.. Anyway, the plan to get married in two yrs time is still on.. Well, i'm not supposed to say this but i juz can't hide when i'm facing this blog.. Maybe i shld del this and made one that's only in my own comp where no one sees unless i died.. Sad..

Anyway, thanks dawn for ur time in msn juz now.. U are still the best.. Dunno why dunno how, i always manage to reveal myself a little to u and u always manage to catch it and tear it all down.. Despite my fightback and u continue to grumble non-stop trying to hit those words into my brain and try to pull me out of that hole.. Haiz.. It's my bad.. Anyway, really appreciate it.. *hugz*

2009-03-23T00:34:00.002+08:00

Pixon sold at $380 to fellow lenovo colleague. At 1st he bid $280 only and singtel wanna eat at $300.. Actually looking at $400 lor.. Only 1 mth old but aiya for him only, deal. Left with the itouch nia.. Dunno to release or not to release.. Really no use for that liao... Usage lesser and lesser.. =.=" Highest fetched so far only $400 while i'm looking at $450.. One week only drop 100, pain lor... Nv drop before, haven't reg warranty also.. Charged less than 3times... Sigh..

Well, jason got it rite. I'm not in need of money at all.. Juz that i seriously no need all those liao.. Why waste and let the value drop? Juz like my bike now, swee swee liao and i can fetch much higher price than before but i still not selling yet.. Tats becoz i got a need for it mah.. Somemore it's cheaper than getting a 2A bike and my installment finishing liao in abt half a yr or so.. By then i only need to pay 2T oil and petrol and parking money only.. I dun get summons de... Oops! =X Only tio illegal parking then gana.. Lolx me safety rider leh...

Sell itouch and pixon can cover my cover for Iphone 3G liao. Why not? Anyway, bring so many things for wat? My bean bag getting more and more full lor.. =.=" Heavy leh.. ZzZzZzZz.. Anyway, my mio coming on the 31st and iphone on 25th. Slowpoke sia they all.. =.=" Then after that will go cut off my starhub internet. Wee...

Tml's her off day so i off also. ^^ But yest chatted on the phone and she said maybe unable to meet liao.. Lolx.. Though looking forward to it but always be prepared for the worst. =) Anyway, if really meeting i guess later early in the morning she will call me bah.. Then we shall for go breakfast together. ^^ Long time no tongbang a gal liao.. Lolx.. Anyway, even if not meeting also nv mind.. Coz will be heading over to sim lim to get my comp fixed. Then maybe find ppl out la liang lor.. If not will go vivo disturb.. lolx.. Need to bathe my bike tml.. >.<

Ok going to prepare liao coz going boatquay for a while.. Meeting dell. He say he emo, need a drink.. =.=" Lucky i finish report liao.. This wk very little so easy to do but bad news lah.. Lolx.. Coz meaning lesser comm. Sigh..

2009-03-22T02:36:00.002+08:00

Sold my Compaq Presario since i'm not using it at all when sis return it to me as she's got her mac liao.. Sold my fat psp since i'm like not been touching it for eons.. Sold my dopod phone since i'm so lazy to even bring it out.. Maybe selling off my pixon and itouch also.. Wah lao me so waste of money.. Now using Nokia 6121 now my sis fone as she using LG viewty..

Computer broke down, think mainboard spoilt.. Less than one mth.. =.=" Think if can will change another board.. get a more highend one.. =.=" Lucky still got my hp mini note..

Me and her getting along better lately.. Dunno how, the chemistry seems to be back.. So that is to say we will experience cold wars once a mth? lol... Last time even her time of mth also no like that de.. Anyway, really got change liao.. At least for now still secure. =) Xiaoqiang said she's pretty when he saw her pic. Lolx.. To him every gals also pretty lah.. But when he saw one of the pic that i took with jessie at nana, he was shocked to see how possible am i with such a chiobu! lolx.. Well yea, she look really stunning that day. Tat's the day of the raining day when i accompany her till her 'driver' came to pick her up..

Suddenly gotten a 'i miss u' from her. =.=" Really made me unable to work properly that day after lor.. Lolx she really is like dawn lor.. Will always make me wanna dote on her.. Well, which gals dun like to be pampered.. Haha.. But someone said she expensive leh.. Lolx...

2009-03-18T01:54:00.002+08:00

"You wan to sian this ah lian ah..?"
"Sian her? I as well go for jessie.."
"Huh?! That one high maintenance lor....."

Guess who am i toking to? Lolx... Absolutely not jason though. =P

Shag out from pc show. As expected to be over.. Non-stop daily upgrading of rams and opening invoices and changing of systems.. Chaotic lor.. Sell until no stock also dunno.. Then today got fark by supervisor for doing something wrong.. =.=" Din know it made a different.. But if were to give what show is offering, ain't that gonna another minus sign to that sale? Cheaper by $100 and no warranty and so many free gifts.. If overall sales got gp then of coz direct refer liao lor.. Sigh.. Anyway, it's over and of coz same mistake cannot happened twice..

Knn that fatty no reply. Such an obvious hint lor knn. Can i hold back his pay as revenge? I believe i'm capable of doing that. Pay nia mah, dun take lor. Anyway give him pay also left with nothing, hold him back half a mth force him to tahan longer. Two more days grant.

So many pics in my fone but so lazy to upload.. lolx.. Think few more days will do it bah.. Today work until i wan to slp liao.. Desktops only left display sets and laptops also not much.. Still not to sure wat can sell wat cannot sell.. Sian. I hate this kind of life. Half-hearted selling. Later i sell then no stock tio fark again. =.=" Getting tired of these kind of life liao..

Since when did i become a touchsmart king. Wtf lor i only sold a few sets nia.. =.=" 1st time working with HP colleagues.. Feeling not bad but dun have the cooperation, the teamwork not strong enuff lor.. Unable to feel the heat to get me on fire to sell non-stop.. Only manage to get a little of adrenline in my vein.. Not shiok enuff..

Gotten myself a itouch and help my sis to IPP a macbook. >.< Really regret in getting that ipod.. Shld have gotten iphone instead.. Upon using the net access and using the screen and feeling the speed of itouch, straightaway feel like throwing away my pixon.. =.=" The scrolling is total junk as compared to itouch.. Imagine using iphone.. The only thing i dun like is the keyboard.. My fingers are still a bit too big for it.. Anyway, it rox.

Been trying to get my compaq and hp to run leopard on them.. Unable to get them to work yet.. Short of patching or something i guess.. Sigh.. Excited in getting them to turn into mac..

Bike finally back but the block seems to be faulty liao.. Think need to go service the block.. Dangerous if dun do it.. Tml morning meeting yx for breakfast then go do liao.. Richard and Adam said my bike is finally something presentable as compared to the old yellow.. Much better than before liao.. More beautiful of coz.. But still, urge me to hurry to change to S4.. =.=" Wasting my 2A like that. Lolx.. I also wish.. But i dun wan too much of a liability mah.. Even my starhub i also wan to cut liao.. Getting singnet coz it's cheaper.. Everything need to cut cost le..

We are granted final 2 yrs.. Really forcing us to move out liao.. Sigh.. 2yrs neither short nor long.. Planning ahead liao, did told yx abt my plannings. Settling down and getting my own house in 2yrs time cfm.. Be it whoever it may be lah. The plan muz be abide.. Some decisions are different or rather it's crucial when age gets on.. Time doesn't turn back for anyone.. Everything is racing against time.. I dun wanna start buying a flat when i'm 40 then only can take 15yrs loan which gonna be freaking xiong.. At least having a choice, why not? The future can be achieved, juz a matter of planning and time and effort.. Afterall, it still takes two hands to clap.. Can anyone teach me how to clap with one? I dun mean slap.

Surprisingly that Cyndi said she drive.. Lolx.. This xiao ah lian not jian dan wor.. She's "cunning" from wat i feel.. She's not easy lor.. Even with 'hit-and-run' tactic might not work on her.. Though that's not my actual planning lah.. Juz being random. But anyway, she's good in doing sales. =.=" Got closed once liao. ZzZzZzZzZz..

Jessie sent me the taiwan webby lol.. I really wan to go.. >.< Probably booking for Oct trip shld be good.. Weather is good from Nov though according to jason. =.=" Remind me of genting.. Purr like a kitty but shiok! Haha.. At least dun go during winter ok liao.. Liang liang one can go la liang.. Lolx..

Tired.. Forever like not enuff slp.. I wonder how my lovely can tahan that job. Still praying for her to quit that job or got sacked.. =X Yes i'm bad but it's for her own good lor. =.=" There so complicated and somemore it's bad for health to work nightlife and i dun like it at all.. If going to chiong nightlife comparing to working nightlife is entirely different lor.. Juz like how i dun wan dawn to go work pub that time, not even for once.. Nightlife is to be enjoyed not worked thru-out.. Even though i were to open a shop there, i wun be so stupid to stay there all the way until shop closes for the day lor. Work smart not work hard. I may not be a good follower, but that doesn't mean i'm not a good leader. =.=" If at the show there each full-timer were to have 2 part-timer and work as a team, i dun believe my team will lose to anyone. I may not be as good as some, but i will not lose to those majorities..

One person can close one deal, ten can close ten. Multipliers dominate. Knn how come i sound like MLM. =.=" Well, actually that's one of the fastest selling ability that one can imagine.. Afterall i'm in that darkness of despair before where everything almost gone, friends & relatives. Imagine everyone treating u like a ghost.. Still got one can come and call me ghost when he himself is in no comparison as compared to me as of now. =.=" Laughing while he himself is the laughing stock but too bad he himself also dunno he is a clown. Sad. Still look like a wuss to me since dunno when. Pussy.

2009-03-11T01:34:00.002+08:00

When i had stopped all my urges, she called and sounded so gentle like she used to be.. Like asking me how come so many days din call her, instead of questioning me why i din call. Already took wed as my off day which WAS her usual off day, but today she told me she off on monday. Reached home 6am then used com all the way till 8pm then too late and tired to go out.. Still mentioned intend to go out to buy my watch, my supposed to be x'mas present or was that a bday present? Either one, that was way too late. Wanted to told her to forget it, no need to waste money or rather no need to waste effort, juz fuck it. Since i already bought a watch that i liked. Anyway, not interested. There were so many things she din know coz she never like to listen, juz tok and tok and tok, kept cutting off wat i wanna say. Though i loved being a listener, but i juz being forever a listener.. It's all abt give and take..

Juz like how she do not know how tough life is working in a war.
Juz like how she do not know i bought myself a new HP.
Juz like how she do not know i bought myself a new watch.
Juz like how she do not know how much i'm suffering from silent lonesome despite attached.
Juz like how she do not know i've not been flirting around despite being given so much freedom and yet being so alone.
Juz like how she do not know how i hated gals working nite life to be my partner.
Juz like how she do not know how i've been cracking my brain when we gonna be forced out of our house despite those troublesome hassle that had to be dealed with..

Juz two words, life sux.. Well, come to think of it. I'm still starting the cold war.. I'm not gonna call her at all. Waste time and money only. I as well use that time and effort to close more deals. I'm more in need of money than love..

Been a bit into mac lately.. Trying to turn my comp into a mac.. Tired sia by doing research.. =.=" Then somemore the file downloaded cannot be used.. zZzZzZzZz.. Little sis also said she wanna get a mac coz my compaq notebook seems to breaking down soon..

Shag.. Think going to slp soon.. Tml off, think will upgrade my desktop to vista ultimate..

2009-03-09T15:44:00.002+08:00

Friday, as promised for Cyndi. Went to QB with brandon and jason.. Supposed to open a Martell for her but in the end did not.. Coz Brenda took out Richard's balance and my balance. Total add up almost 3/4 liao.. Tried pia and drank till drop, but unable to finish them all.. =.=" Stayed till 4am+..

Sat went down again but this time alone.. Lolx.. Carol came thereafter her work after 12am. Then jason came after his session with seb they all but jason went off early coz he said he tired.. Carol also went off soon after.. I stayed all the way till my songs came.. 4.30am.. =.="

Sun went down to coffeeshop with acer, gateway and dell for a short drink.. Tok cock alot with me almost dozing off. =.=" Damn shag.. Steven still say wanna go boat quay for 2nd round.. Lolx.. Anyway, also stay all the way till abt 4am..

SHAG!!!!

Roadshow doing full shift all the way since tue till sun.. Then still got drinking sessions.. Haiz.. Think health is getting worse.. Dunno on wed or thurs, had a row with her.. Actually not really a row lah.. My recept is poor with my bluetooth on then she kept unable to hear clearly then throw her tantrums on me. Knn i disable liao and call her back then she said she dun wan to tok liao. Thus till now i never called her at all. For wat? I rather call Cyndi and disturb her..

Xiaoling is so amused by cyndi's tongue stud but disgusted by the sound she made as she kept using the stud to rub her teeth.. Lolx.. It's nothing new to me anyway.. Her tattoo on her lowerback is so similar to my ex.. Yeah those wings.. Jason still disturb me saying i miss the 'tattoo-feeling'.. Well, in a way yes. Anyway, been sleeping alone for so many mths liao, used to it le.. Since last yr i think. Anyway, not impt lah. Sales been pretty bad.. Even with the roadshow.. Only managed to close 44 sets for the roadshow.. I'm really a roadshow-flop.. Though everyday reached early and did best to close the 1st set but on sat i did roti-prata during the roadshow though on top got abt 10sets.. Roti-prata means zero. =.=" Then sun own-goal so many, 3 sony, 2 acer, 2 lenovo and 1 gateway got stolen but din get back coz he served long time liao while i got bitten by a snake.. ZzZzZzZz..

Unable to see the future.. Seems like it's getting harder and harder to work liao.. Haiz.. Have to endure.. The good ole times will come again.. Heard pay will be delayed. Diao.. Ever since i started working this is the 2nd time liao.. =.=" Heard that Terry cannot tahan liao.. But his sales there is as good as mine.. But maybe the people there not as good as mine.. Over here i've got splendid colleagues and friends, even customers.. Afterall, good services rendered aren't for nothing.. Juz like that day at vivo look-see for the roadshow and my customer recognised me, the one who bought the DV3605TX from me. Nice lady. Customer database might be quite an impt factor of the community for the future to come..

Bike haven't got back yet still under repairs.. But when get back liao also cannot do hair le.. Lolx.. Aiya doing sales, appearance also a factor lor.. Juz like how i see a flop-but-chio-gal can close a deal even if the cust dun wanna buy de.. I meant perfume here.. lolx.. Anyway, i still got a long way to learn.. Knowledge of products is not the main but the technique of closing.. Juz like how two of my colleagues who know so little abt computers and yet they can close deals like nobody's business and get so high pay.. One of them is aiming skill, the other is hardwork.. But actually both had both.. Imagine they are like me dilly-dally kept nua-ing and expect my sales can be better than all brands.. =.=" When i see how steven closes all his deals on sun really got me nothing to say.. 23 sets per day is not yet the best for him.. Even gateway can close several sets despite the branding not strong.. Whereas my brand is quite strong but i flop and also only closed a few deals.. I think i need to wake up.. If not my gross gonna drop below 2k liao if i go on like that........

2009-03-03T05:28:00.002+08:00

Juz back from Whiskey Bar and QB Bar... Ya again drank until so late.. i juz feel like drinking lor... At 1st only at coffeeshop coz got colleagues quarrel.. Suddenly juz swap over to BQ and reached there QB almost full house so we went whiskey.. Played pool kept getting wall-snook.. =.= Anyway, when we almost done before going over to QB for 1 last jug, i went toilet.. On the way there past the pool table, suddenly got stopped.. Got a cute gal ask the player to drink but since i'm beside him, i also gana.. =.=" Then she said she only worked on fri, sat and sun so she gave me her number and told to go drink on friday.. Diao.. So easily i was hooked. lolx.. Well, afterall i'm such an anything guy mah.. ZzZzZzZzZz.. She kept emphasising me to come on friday.. =.=" Quite ok lah.. made in singapore de.. Quite cute.. Figure not bad also..

My bad again.. Though i'm still home alone.. Anyway, i'm juz a so anything guy.. Anyone who managed to get a little close to me, sure got chance de.. I juz dunno how to reject.. Lolx.. Somemore i'm in no status now.. Haha.. Aiya still nothing happened.. Toking abt it, botak seems to have a chance with one of gal who trying to fake drunk.. WTF lor.. Whoever also knew she faking it.. Anyway, he managed to steal a kiss.. Lolx.. Unlike me, always accomplished nothing.. Was it really that i dare not or i juz dun wan to..? Juz like how daring i am to straight telling xiaoling how beautiful she is directly on her face.. Somemore, a few times not juz once.. Ok i admit i'm over liao.. A bit drunk leh though only high..

Jialat lah report haven't do and yet this whole wk doing full shift from 11am till 10pm.. I requested it though by right rotating shift... I juz dun wan too much time on hand.. To make myself think so much despite suppressing it.. I thot i might broke down anytime but seems to be staying strong like i always do.. I juz dun anyhow play around when it comes to such.. Even though it's only a little, but there's still commitment and effort in it...

So, my planning was accurate afterall.. Planning to get a house with my mum's name instead of with wife's name.. No matter what, i want my own house with no liabilities.. House more impt than car.. At least this is an asset, car is not.. Though bike is dangerous but i believe i will be ten times more careful when i got back my bike.. Well, that's me, myself and i.. Crap.. I'm still me.. Emo-ing kept coming back upon removal of mask when there's no one knowing me around me.. Sibei tired.. Sibei sian.. Sibei shag..

2009-03-02T01:50:00.002+08:00

Juz back from QB.. Nothing much there.. Xiaoling not working, brenda not working, xiaocui not working, stacey not working.. But ok lah, i juz wanna try to make myself a bit drunk.. Coz this time really almost the end of story liao.. Closing the book with the final chapter, the cold war.. If a year's relation were to end that easily, then that will be nothing.. I kept telling myself i dun put in much effort, i kept showing ppl i not interested and doesn't really care much but still inside i do feel the pain.. Pain is inevitable.. No pain is bluff.. Afterall, one year is not too short nor too long but every single of them i really give it all or at least 80%.. Not easy not to give anything.. Coz i'm still a human..

Even though things gonna really end, fault lies on me this time. I will bear no grudges nor hatred.. Juz let it go.. Maybe i still prefer singular lifestyle than to restrictions.. But came to think of it, it's becoz there's not much restrictions that's y things still do happened.. To be frank, i rather got tied down by someone.. Or at least she will go down together and of coz i will behave.. lolx.. Anyway, why do such things happened? Juz like how come her husband will still go down to geylang despite they are married for two years? Anyway, no outcome forseen. I still got a future while she still got her husband. What's not meant to be, no point going on to be to make things work..

Well, i'm not looking in one yet in the meantime so that i can fool around while i still can.. Lolx.. Quite uneasy to do that when being attached.. Afterall, there's a commitment there.. A responsiblity.. For like 9 mths i've been so guai.. It's so unlike me when i'm single.. Life only lives once, so be it..

Knn why i so emo today.. Conclusion has not been resolved and reviewed yet.. No conclusion yet during amber timing.. A week at most bah..

Went for short holiday with jason and gang. Nothing much.. Din really enjoy or rather felt quite a waste of money and time.. Spent abt 300 total, actually i rather use it for taiwan trip or even thailand.. Sigh.. Bought a 3-quarter pants quite nice and a 'levis-material-jacket'. Also several 'cosmetics' lolx.. Oh ya and some undergarments.. Dawn still curious to see what kind of garments i buy when i met up with her on the day i back at vivo.. =.=" Still as attractive as usual that aroused so many eyes on her.. lolx.. Together went over to catch zhiwei with his daughter and wife.. Lolx.. Dawn told me he denied his child on msn with her.. Anyway, met up liao then everything blow liao lor.. Aiya married liao still wan to play meh.. Some wife quite nice also mah.. ZzZzZzZzZz.. Dunno wat he thinking..

Wah computer totally diff from last time liao.. Speed much more faster.. When reached home on computer then get changed, i haven't even changed finish it reaches windows liao.. =.=" Last time still can go pee back and it's almost done.. =.=" Anyway, quite satisfied with it, in fact i'm happy with it..

2009-02-19T10:38:00.003+08:00

It was unexpected but i still pull it thru... Lolx.. Mon nite went drink at coffeeshop at wdl with ken, steven, leon, chua and ken's wife. Was thinking since tue off and sales was not bad so drink a little shld be fine. Little did i know that i would drink till puke. =.= Then next day's practical revision for my 2A also unable to go due to hangover.. Woke up quite late then proceed to SGH for my destist then after that go vivo help out on the roadshow..

Was rather aggressive until someone warn me abt shin as he was eyeing my actions thru-out.. Afraid that these might got jessie into trouble for hiring a 'ghost' to pull sales, i toned down until i almost no strength and mood.. Then brandon disturb the canon promotor, Elaine, and say recommend me to her. She was quite speechless as i seems so i spur out "U scared she nobody wants meh?" But her respond gave me a little shocked.. =.= Anyway, din even open my golden mouth for her number and din tok much to her as well.. Was it that i forgot how to tok to gals other than toking to customers? ZzZzZzZzZz.. Actually i knew her since Katong roadshow where she also selling canon while i doing NEC.. Then today again i wearing NEC so after a while she did ask me if i'm going down again tml.. But too bad, i'm working for HP and not at this location.. Haha.. Wtf i din even ask where she stay, can go off together mah since i taking train also.. =.= Stupid. Lolx.. Anyway, ok de lah..

Jessie gave me encouragements for my TP and yet i told her i sure pass, makes her 'diao'. lolx.. Yeah that kind of face when ppl yaya to u.. lolx.. But i'm juz toking cock. Coz that nite i wanted to sleep early, 12mn i on my bed liao but roll here roll there until 4am then sleep. =.= Woke up at 6am then nap a little till 6.15am. So reluctant to go take TP.. Was thinking that i not enuff sleep and somemore 2 wks never go practice bike and almost 1mth no ride bike liao this time sure cannot make it liao so as well go back sleep more... Lolx.. Yeah i'm that lazy.. But on the other thinking that if forgo this one muz wait another 2mths makes me sian so i drag myself to BBDC... So tiring and sleepy..

Did my two rounds of warm-ups, quite ok... During the test, i can feel that i'm a total flop..
1st - S-course & crank-course too slow and not stable.
2nd - Narrow plank too fast.
3rd - E-brake incorrect posture plus brake before the 1st line, no speed.
4th - Bumpy course too fast liao.
5th - Slope jack-rabbit while going down after release clutch.
6th - After slope turn right, incorrect positioning that cause 2nd bike too close to me.
7th - Slip road turning left, my leg almost come down.
8th - Final right turn, almost wide turning.

After the test i was thinking this time sure fail liao coz i know myself that i've made too many mistakes.. 1st to 3rd already minus at least 4pts each liao, passing is 18 and below. Minor mistakes 2pts leh.. How to pass... lolx...

But in the end when the SHI SHEN calling names, i'm not being called. Lolx.. So i passed my class 2A with 14pts. 1st time pass. =) Afterall, my words still got power. Never fail any TP tests. lolx... 2B & 2A & my army class 3 & basic theory test & final theory test. Well, i'm bad at failing at tests.. =X

Almost went to get new bike. Lolx.. But after calculations seem a bit off.. Coz still trying to resolve the current bike.. Still haven't decide yet.. Later going down to Glen motor and see what the fellow says abt the claim 1st.. If everything really waste of time and effort, i might juz sell off the scrap metal and get a superfour instant. See how bah..

2009-02-14T03:56:00.002+08:00

Weird. Everyone is like so agitated and excited abt the gst credit offset or whatever that is. Waiting for it to pay bills, waiting for it to tahan allowances for sch or something. I mean, even if it doesn't come, life still gotta go on rite? Juz live and let live lah. If got come in, good lah. If dun come in, move on lah. If really no come then need to jump building meh? Wtf. So gan chiong and scared as if cannot get like this, machiam have to use snatch de. =.=" So ugly.

Comments on local movies, they let u reflect on the ugly side of singaporean and i believed many fellows dun like to watch. Juz too afraid to look into the 'water of reflection'? Mai hum mai hum, mee siam mai hum. But i din know ppl also hum. Actually those are great shows to do self-reflections of self actions so as to improve oneself to be better. Dun be so farkup. But anyway, dogs never fail not to eat their own shit. So, some category ppl pls dun bother to go watch, juz pay the money go in and slp lah. Contribute to the local productions at least. Anyway, watch liao also useless coz u never learn anything, still farkup as usual.

FYI, i'm juz being random. Can't get to slp leh and it's like 4am. =.="

2009-02-12T02:29:00.002+08:00

Juz back from Cherry. Yup again lolx.. This time went with jason, S, B and a surprising Stan. Heard that he no longer drinking liao and his child out liao.. But how come he's here..? Maybe to kpo look see bah.. Told him abt dawn jobless and asked if he tat side got vancant or not, gave me a little fake face. =.=" Den disturb him say he scared then come and gek hard hard again. His usual form. =.=" He's quite surprised i still in ctc with her. I mean, wtf why can't we? Lolx me and got nothing going on leh. Never lor. haha. Somemore she's leading a better life now, sounds better than before.. I miss her dog. =.="

Anyway, did have the intention to diao hua de but those gals dun make me stand at all. Not as if i got no money to throw but rather, no point to me. Forseen no point lah coz totally not interested leh.. But going there is ok, still got techno to hear.. Miss sparks and MU.. Haiz.. Guess moving on to ST James pretty soon.. Need to find new kakis.. Wakao been drinking lately like nv ending.. =.="

Yest supposed to meet up the gang to SH de but msg came before i got cab and told me not to go down coz no gals.. =.=" So sudden and since my heart is out, no way can settled.. Wanna go QB to finish my bottle since i'm out but kinda lazy and tired from walking.. In the end head home with alcohol free. lolx..

When got home got a beep from her telling me she's back in sg... Heng i nv go SH.. Anyway, was that even an impt issue.. lolx.. Chatted a little on the fone, nothing much den she need to work so i dun wanna disturb her.. Anyway, if she cannot feel that the fire is diminishing then too bad lor.. It is.. Sooner or later i guess. Always thot that playing in the dark is fun, but that doesn't seems to be the case.. Gotta resolve it ASAP i guess coz it never settles and it bothers me alot..

Dawn said i'm running away.. Well, maybe i guess.. Naturally for one to run away from reality when it hurts.. Coz running away is the easiest way out than to face reality.. Still dare to say me... If that time she intro that gal to me, maybe things already made for the change even if me and the gal are not meant to be at all.. Coz i'm bad at many-timings. Sure thing that i will resolve current prob immediately before going for the next objective. Haiz... Really dunno what to do or how to do. When there's no definite direction, it's like going merry-go-round in a simple roundabout without knowing where to exit, coz scared to exit wrong.. It's not like driving when exit wrong still can U-turn. Some things cannot U-turn de.. Knn why i so emo today.. I think it's becoz there's totally nothing heard from her the whole day bah somemore today's her offday. Whole day do what i also dunno. I think silence killing better bah. Dun call and msg her anymore.. Anyway, the responds will not be favourable in my case. I'm no longer impt piece liao.. Juz like how i been keeping a lookout for job for dawn but she dun even msg me to chitchat abit. Lolx... Too bad my side HP all taken liao and Dell no opening. Dare not get her into sony and lenovo coz doesn't seems prospective enuff..

Think beer and liquor are my best mate now.. Anyway, another holiday in two wks time! Really looking forward to that! This shld be fun and very fun. lolx....

2009-02-10T03:06:00.002+08:00

I super love this song.. Seems like an old song from dong lai dong wang but how come i never spotted it until at QB.. Someone re sang i guess.. Or maybe becoz she was there that time at QB also and she's so engrossed in the mtv bah.. Watever she's interested in, i wun let a single chance slip by to make myself more sensitive and attentive.. Haiz... Juz how someone love to eat prawns and especially mushrooms.. Lolx. Or maybe the 'sensitive and attentive' applies on all positive gals of coz not on those that i dun like lah.. Oops! Discrimination! Lolx..

Sunday Carol came woodlands and look for me for a smoke. When she came in, the security alarm went off lolx.. The Sims II inside her bag was making it sound due to the security bar.. She so scared to walk out of the shop.. lolx.. Remove the bar liao then ok le. While smoking she did mentioned that i look much better with short hair but this time diff. Of coz lah cut at woodlands specially look for vonn to look for sam leh. Then buy the clay 30+ lor.. =.= Salesman gana sales-tok.. lolx.. I know business bad but ok lah for her only. Anyway i really need to style my hair since no longer riding and wearing helmet. At night meet up with the gang at Cherry and S said the same thing too. Still can asked me "Cut hair ah?" =.=

After Cherry went down to Lip. Gana grabbed by a gal. Ya i know she CMI but i told her to leave as i wanna be alone to drink only. Knn she juz dun wanna go and still wan to steal my kiss. Wtf lor straightaway reject and kept asking her to leave. But die die dun wan to go. =.= ZzZzZzZzZz.. No matter how u wanna rub me or ask me to hug u, no use de lor. I can be anything but no means no. Wah kao i thot i gonna gana rape. =.= Eww.. Anyway, sooner or later cannot go there liao. Curfew.. lolx.. Unless i really broke up with her lah.. But no matter the case, Cherry quite relax but diff from Nana. Prefer Cherry, not too messy not so many ppl. Jason did suggest a few gals but dunno leh. Juz no mood. Quite pretty a few. Somemore thai not bad IMO.. At least i prefer thai to viet. But of coz if really got a good MIS will be best lah.

FT taking over market from what i see, no matter what fields. More and more rolling in. Pinoy nurses, MIC waitresses, Thai & Viet gals, etc. Not to even mentioned malaysian gals long time come into market liao.. Like erica doing pedicure and medicure. Joanne doing sales job at sls last time. Erica doing distribution for Abadi computers that time. Dion former colleague from ATF. Huiwen doing waitress at clean pub at night and day doing office recept.

Aiya dunno wat to say lah. Anyway, it's not the end of the world. Mixed is not an uncommon thingy anymore anyway. I dun mind my son/daughter to be mix-blood though. Can be quite cool lol.. Toking abt next gen.. Had been thinking abt it.. Coming to 30 in 3yrs. If settle down by then my child will be 20yrs while i'm 50. =.= To be frank, the next gen is the thing that make the life ongoing. A new stage of life, a new chapter.. But of coz there are so many mummies out there with child(ren) without a complete family.. Sad case. Young doesn't mean stable.. Even my uncle now 40 over and juz divorced. 3 sons all follow ex-wife.. But if flowers do prick, then watever for..? Mentioning these, i came to realise i'm like totally no mood. =.= No one to thrill me or nothing thrilling? No idea.. Maybe i still prefer natural than sought after bah..

Richard rec me to go after Rena but juz no feel leh.. Though i dun mind trying to make it work lah. Toking abt that, saw Regina at QB looking for Brenda. So dao lolx.. However din see Von.. Ok back to topic. I asked a few in regards to Diners and ProTrim. Seems Protrim is easier while Diners might be scary after removing makeups.. Lolx.. Seems all see me as looking for short-term. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz.. And only going for looks. Knn i really very shui bian one lor. I mean, quite shui bian.. But i shy lah.. Lolx..............

The Pixon batt cannot make it. =.= But still no regrets on that.. Quite a nice phone. Anyway, it's one of the phone that i did considered before when it says 8megapixels cam. It's not abt the cam though coz i dun really take pics but abt the sleek design. Not too bad overall.

2009-02-08T01:24:00.002+08:00

Lately dunno wat got into me. Went JB relax. Buy Pixon. Buy HP mini note. Preparing to DIY a new computer desktop. Going Batam holiday for two days near mth end. Been going Cherry and Lips. =.="

But still i dun owe a single cent to all my credit cards.. Plus ppl out there total owe me 1k over. =.=" 1.7k cpf contributions... Damn when can i ever hit that amount. =.= Or am i even able to hit. Lolx..

Bought Jason to QB and seems that only xiaoling caught his attention.. Lolx.. Well, she's sweet afterall.. But too bad leh i really dun like nightlife gals.. Juz like now, if she gonna carrying like that, it will be the end of story pretty soon.. Anyway, he really did tried his best to get her number but in the end seems she gotten his num but plane put high.. Instincts told me he got chance. Haiz everytime he around i cannot perform well. lolx.. Juz like that time, my gf machiam his gf, coz we got nothing to tok abt since she got so many prob and yet dun wan to bother me. Ya seems i'm such a bother.

Went jb and relax. Took bus in then go city square walk walk then proceed to our relaxation. Jacuzzi, steam bath and suana. Shiok!! The Nasi Lemak also not bad but 1st time eat Nasi Lemak got curry one.. lolx.. Anyway, not bad trip though with new group members.

March think will die. Coz last mth pay is crap. 60% down wtf. Market already so bad then no stocks. CB 1.5k dunno how to survive. This mth muz really try my best to close watever freaking sales that i catch. Really cannot care wat friendship this and that. Afterall only one will look at spif. If u catch i will do my best for u, if i catch u better eat wat i give. Give and Take, not Take and Take.

Clarified. MICs are not my only cup of tea! =.=" Machiam i dun wan local delights. Juz that all i saw are rubbish. All ok one i'm not in the list. My standard where got high? ZzZzZz. My gf very pretty meh? Pls lor on the ground anyhow find also can find one better than her. But why? Why i chose her in the 1st place when knowing not supposed to be? Coz it's she chase me de. lolx.. Yeah i'm such an easy target. =.=" Anyway, she not local so i not easy to reject. Well, it's a fact coz till now i still fare my gal as top on the list then follow MII, MIT then MIV then MIM then MIS. WTF i'm toking abt? Indo-chi, Thai, Viet, Malaysia, Sing. So far dun really got friends from taiwan, only one which is my HP one but not much comms with her so can't say much but i believe when Taiwan is in ctc, they cfm top of the list. Lolx.. Maybe Japan.. Omg i'm fantasizing.. =.="

Taiwan trip shld be this yr end with jason. That shld be fun. Never bored outing with him. 10yrs ain't for nothing i guess. Can't imagine we so buay gam last time.. lolx.. Coz we knew how to work hard but play hard too. Need to enjoy, only live once. Anyway, preparing my savings liao and now totally no personal debts also no bills and liabilities. Lucky my gf easy to maintain.. Lolx.. She's like no requirements de. Bought her own hp at around 1k, bought her own air tix, bought her own dress and clothings. But of coz occasinally still got pampered her lah. ZzZzZz.. Cannot ask her wat she wan de, coz she sure wan me save more money for my 'plan'. Yeah, the 'plan' is still on. But seems so far away. I guess might be able to make it. Cannot drag too late, few more yrs i guess it will be time..

Went raining bar yest.. Wanted to go Speed for a little while de but headache and cannot drink much and somemore back also pain.. Saw jason's coll then he treated us some beer. Saw lion dance and dragon dance then went off at around 1am.. Our usual timing.. Went back home started charging and explore a little on my Pixon. Wtf dunno how to use. =.=" Guess it's time. Anyway, this is better than i get a PS3. Waste money.

Today sales grabbed ok. Had quite a few sales for Adam. Near the end accidentally close one CB for Acer, uncle customer, and i closed him 6920 for adam. Anyway, can't blamed me coz cust ask me and i tok tok closed. Realised that i knew the cust's friend that's y so easy close also. Cust still wan to think de lor. Anyway, business really bad lately. For a sat to do a sales of around 30sets, low lor. Expect tml maybe around 20. Cake is so small.. Have to grab faster than other promotors and staffs.. Trying to learn the 'owl eyes' from uncle... Oops!! Lolx.. Anyway, keith's luck also not bad. Been trying to see his cust also.. But normally he only let go of the non-napster.. So have to grab even before he tok to cust.. Actually have to do the same for ALL staffs. Hungry...

Ever since that genting trip, i always been feeling hungry.. Not that i'm hunger for gamble but food.. Think the several times of topic on shit makes me shit everyday. Wtf. Constipation is like so natural everyday. Routine sia.. Juz like breathing and u dun even know that u are breathing.. I dun mean breathe shit lah... Anyway, hoping to becoming bigger size ASAP.. Think i need more milk... I mean FULL CREAM not HUMAN!! =.= Knn why am i so connie today... I MEANT CORNY... =.=

Looking forward to the Batam trip.. Alot of things needed to get there.. Belts, shoes, polo, pants, shorts, watch, etc. >.< Lucky not taiwan or hongkong.. Lolx.. If thailand also not bad...

Shag liao.. Maybe go shit one more time before sleeping.. lolx..

Class 2A

2009-01-31T11:39:00.002+08:00

Wat a busy day yest.. Early morning supposed to go see chinese doc at Bras Basah then while in the cab trying to call Dawn Tan, TP ssgt who is in-charged of my accident case. Gana fucked by her, wtf. Say i give wrong number become uncontactable, asked me if i'm really uninterested in getting the claim. =.=" It's the freaking guy in the ambulance took down wrong number lor.. Then she said she's leaving at 1pm so i have to go down to TP immediately. Went down and settle the report then continued to the chi doc. Pain! Made me smell like walking medicine. Duh!

Head back home thereafter to get my bike insurance then head to police station to fax over to Dawn's office then after that go back home and took a short nap. Woke up at 7.30pm and head to BBDC for my class 2A theory lesson. Boring lesson but it's compulsory.

After the lesson i walked all the way back to Bukit Gombat MRT. At the station upstairs, i saw a gal with blue dress, quite short above knee. That's not the point. She's chatting on her mobile and while she's talking she's used the other hand to cover her mouth.. That action, in fact overall, looks exactly like HER! She stopped at Jurong East and changed to EW-Line but dropped off at Clementi.. Knn my heart almost stopped coz i kept looking at her to confirm that it's not her.. There's no way possible that she's still in singapore at this point of time.. But on the other hand i wished it was really her.. Complicated and confused..

I was thinking, if it's really her what would i do..? Go up to her and slapped her on the face..? Or go up to her and hug her tight..? Intriguing as it can be, i can't decide.. The more u love, the more u hate. I thought all along it was juz companionship coz afterall there's no future at all from what i can see.. shrugs.

My bike is ready for collection next week onwards.. Still dunno to take or not to take.. This accident is like a Deja Vu.. I had been thinking that if i were to meet with an accident, would she abandone her work immediately and rushed to hospital to see me..? And my instinct is correct, she will not. Juz a call and that's it.. Ever since she started working there, she's totally different from before.. I'm like no longer an impt piece in her life anymore.. She knew she neglected me but can't helped it other than apologising.. I mean, if apologise do works then there's no need for police.. I juz dun understand her anymore.. Aquarius are hard to please. Ya i'm hard to please.. So, stay away from me..

Madness

2009-01-29T02:55:00.002+08:00

The fateful day of 22nd Jan 2009, also the bday of my best buddy, i met with an accident at Keppel Road while heading for the ECP at the last traffic light.. KNN. I was on my way to Changi Road to pay my installment for my bike and this happened... What a day.

I was entering Keppel Road and was stopped by the red light. A lorry on my left so i took the right lane, both turning left.. Ended up stopping at the next traffic light again but before that i already saw two big trucks parking after the traffic lights occupying the left lane so i stopped at the rightmost lane. There was a bike beside me and another behind him. The green showed and off we go. I wasn't speeding at all coz i'm not the type who speed thus the bike on my left zoom off then me follow then the third bike behind. Seeing the front traffic light(YES THE THIRD TRAFFIC LIGHT! DAMN!) in our favor we juz carry on. Since i'm on the rightmost lane, the bushes are blocking my right side. Upon passing the traffic light, a car came on from the right directly crossed our path! There's no way i can stop in time... So i crashed on the malaysian car.. For what i remembered, the 1st bike is safe. Me and the second bike gana.

The second bike merely braked, stopped and fell. Whereas for me, i crashed and fell. No i did not fly coz my speed is slow. However, all i can do is lying on the ground groaning in pain coz my back is pain. Think i landed on my butt and sprained my bloody back. I broke a tooth also. Nothing i can do but lie down there in the middle of the road and pressing my lowerback coz the pain is unbearable as if the spine is broken.. Many ppl came and shouting were heard everywhere. There were ppl toking to me, some toking abt the whole enactment. Nothing came in except for hoping that the ambulance come quick coz the pain is sickening.. A Civil Defence Ambulance came and took me to SGH immediately to the intensive care at the A&E.

In there lying on the bed the pain was truely unbearable and still cannot get the doc to see me. Knn still have to queue? >.< Tried to move a bit here and there but i found myself the more i move the more painful it gets. Finally the doc came and gave me an injection from behind trying to ease me of some pain.. Well, the needle was painful too. =.=" Wat to do, no pain no gain.. Went for X-ray for my spinal and pelvis. Waited like no tml for the freaking results. The pain doesn't goes off. Even i wanna go pee also difficult.. They offered me a wheelchair but i told them i cannot sit.. Limp all the way to the wrong gents then limp all the way to the other gents.. Freak day.. Results are out and doc said all's well, nothing broken. Hearing him saying so casually, i dun wanna stay in hospital despite the pain to walk.. Drag myself, my bag and my helmet to the cashier then head for a taxi home. CB.. That was the longest and toughest road i ever have had.

Reached home still gana KPKB. CB why i crashed onto the car and not the car crashed me? If he crashed me then there will be lesser nonsenses liao mah. Took the doc's given pain-killers and had two days MC. Tried going to work on the 3rd day but i was rather in bad shape to work.. Cannot stand long and walking damn slow like ah peh.. Thus, ended up going home early.. Anyway, no sales..

Before the accident i even went Genting with brandon, Joan, Jessie, Johnny, TT Tan. 1st trip there and the temperature is superb, cold. =.=" Though only like 16-18 degree but i was always purring like a kitten. =.=" Really cannot stand coldness but shiok, not the slightest sweat at all. We took a night bus there, 7hrs, 2 stopping breaks and arrived at Highland Hotel at around 5am+.. Unable to check in at all coz only can check in at 12.30pm. WTF. Whole night din slp much then no place to slp.. =.= Went directly to the casino coz that's the only 24/7. =.=" TT, Jess and Johnny straight go for the jackpot. The rest of us juz stare in blank.. Hungry, sleepy, tired.. =.=" Finally when we go further into the casino, there's a mini restaurant! Immediately Brandon, Joan and me went in for a bite. Ham, egg, bread, butter, jam, peas, coffee. The breakfast sux big time. =.= The coffee and tea are ultra sweet. wtf. U call this cafe? I think drink plain water better..

After the meal, we head on to find Jess and TT at the baracat tables. They are playing 'Player & Banker' game. The 3 of us who dun gamble juz watch how ppl play, some win some lose.. I also dunno wat i'm seeing coz too tired.. To keep myself awake, kept beo-ing gals.. Wow a lot of MICs... Lolx.. Quite a lot of C-cups and D-cups too.. lolx.. Nothing better to do. =.= Stood there, walk here and there for around 4hrs then i finally give up. I brought rm450 there but spent rm50 at the 1st stopping point for food and cigarettes and drinks. So, i took out a $100 note and change for some chips. I was thinking 100 can play for 4 games coz per bet minimal is 25. But the lady gave me two $50 chip. =.=" Lazy to change again. Thus, juz try my luck for 2 games.. From 100 become 500 then after that go up and down and up and down and up and down until i tulan. Neverending game. =.=" Thus, when i'm left with 500, i'm tired. I was thinking since my cost price is 100 so why not i juz bet everything in? At most i lose 100 nia mah. Ok bet and i won 500. Total chips 1000 and i stopped and went to cash out. WTF 20 pieces of $50 notes. =.= My Gucci wallet cannot be use liao.. Lolx.. So in the end, my pocket had 1.3k.

Later noon, all of us go check in our room then go for lunch around 1pm. Everyone is tired.. Went for Dim Sum. Ok lah the food. Advice from Cheryl, Do Not Eat At The Foodcourt! It's Dirty & Not Nice! Lolx.. Jess, brandon and Joan went back to their room to slp. Johnny and TT carry on their battle.. Me wanted to go walk walk coz i nv come genting before.. All here and there, nothing much leh.. Somemore weather outside so cold, wan to smoke also sian.. Nothing much there coz i dunno can go down many many many many escalators and will reach a super big place like a shopping paradise. =.=" Tired to walk also thus head back to my room. I share room with brandon while his wife share with jess. Brandon still wan to put either me or johnny same room as jess de. Lolx.. Not funny. =.= Though i dun really mind lah. Lolx.. Aiyo the room is for resting de lah nothing else. Gamble more impt..

When i was at my room door, i slotted in my card key. Red Light. =.=" Did i went to the wrong room? I rmb it was 26 ah 6th floor.. o.O Tried on 28, 30, 22, 36, 38. All cannot open.. Called Brandon, his fone cannot get thru. Wtf i'm locked out.. Called jessie, cannot get thru. =.= Lan lan go back casino to pass time. At that time i was extremely tired liao.. I only rmb i kept taking out money.. At the end of the day i think i lost everything i earned. Lolx... Then gave up and went to the lobby starbucks for a nice smoothing coffee. Dopod was unable to connect to internet. =.=" Smoked like chimney and drank my coffee then after tried my luck again to go back to my room around 6pm+. The cardkey still cannot work.. =.= Then suddenly saw brandon coming over from the lift side eating ice-cream leisurely.. Oh my hero.. Finally i can get some sleep.. Fell onto the bed and knocked out almost immediately.. Woke up around 8pm+ for dinner.. Still tired..

Met up with the gang and go to the chinese restaurant for some good food. Knn really went all the way down hill via escators. Lolx.. After our food, went for bowling there nearby. I sux at bowl coz really super long time no play liao. Kept washing the drains.. Lolx.. After that we went to another casino nearby. Again they continue their battle. I'm scared liao so i play jackpot with cigarettes in my mouth lolx.. So unglam.. A guy approached me and asked me to sign up for membership, i ignored him.. Mins later a gal approached me for the same thing. Then i told her i'm singaporean. She said can also juz need my passport so she will filled up for me while i carry on my jackpot.. Then after that signature then proceed to the counter to get my cards. Took photo also. Gotten two cards, one for slots and the other for tables. When i'm done, the gang is gone nowhere to be found lol.... Searched the whole casino up and down inside to outside. Nothing.. =.=" I was abandoned.. They muz be thinking i'm such a gambling freak and abandoned me.. =.=" Walked here and there trying to find my way back to highland. Took abt an hr+ then i reached.. In the end, jess & TT & johnny did came back juz to take money to continue battle.. =.=" Unable to tahan, took a quick bath then go sleep.. Actually seems energetic so i took out my psp to play.. Actually wanted to ask brandon if he wanna drink de but seeing him watch tv until eyes closed. I off the lights and knock out. Wat a long and tiring day.

Next day, went for breakfast then go back to casino again. Remaining around 200+ only. Juz wanna try my luck to win something but in the end lost everything.. Lolx.. Thinking that this is merely the second day and i was penniless.. Went to ATM and withdraw 400 from my credit card but not for gamble. After drawing went back to room to relax. Then took my laptop and went to starbucks with brandon while waiting for the two ladies to join us after their bath. After that went for dinner for western food then TT suggest going to VIP room. One amazing thing i did at the restaurant, i put salt into my coffee. LMAO! Anyway i cannot go into the VIP room with the white card. So, played jackpot and earn 1 point then proceed to change to green card. After that head on to the VIP area. Brandon and joan went back to their room coz they dun gamble at all.. VIP is scary coz everyone played so big.. Min 300 per bet. But shiok lah got waiter and waitress bring ginseng water for us.. Sat down at one table while johnny and jess played baracat, TT went around trying his luck. Me stand there like an idiot trying to enjoy the fun. Min 300 leh i only got 400, isn't this courting death? =.=" After a while i also cannot tahan so changed all 400 into chips.. But i dun play much juz on and off each round. Kept breaking even. It's all abt patience. Cannot keep playing de.. Sometimes muz endure.. lolx.. Suddenly i spotted something new.. Can place bet on 'TIE GAME' and the payout is 8times. Learnt something new. Then also got 'Player Pair' & 'Bank Pair', payout is 11times! O.O Looking at the scoreboard and the bets on the table. I put a 50 chip on the tie and i won 400. Then put again 50 on tie and i won again 400. In two games i won 800. =.= Started to spot here and there and trying out the pairs too. At the end of the session, won abt 1000. Think got total rm1500 in my pocket.. lolx..

At nite, went with brandon and joan to pub for a little drink and pool. Had a Long Island Tea and a bottle of beer. Quite tipsy liao lolx.. Then we head back to sleep. Next day was the last day had to check out 12.30pm and gather at 1.30pm then head to bus terminal for bus back home. Morning went for breakfast dim sum again then went back casino to play again. Again i keep spotting TIE and jess was quite stunned and amused by that.. Lolx.. Actually i dunno how to play de.. Juz that got feeling only then juz put in for the TIE lor.. Lose 50 only but win is 400 + the 50 back. Ok mah... But gambling is like that lah.. Not everyday is sunday.. Somemore TIE are hard to come by coz the possiblities are so small. Out of 60 games, maybe 8 or even less.. Some tables dun even have tie game at all.. It's all abt luck.. Then they called me TIE BOY. Wtf.. Is this for good or bad lol.. At the end of the day total money in pocket around rm2200. Actually had 3k+ but lost some of it due to greedy wanting to place 100 on tie and yet none of the 100 opened tie.. haha..

Ok lah overall quite a new experience and nice too. ^^ Will consider going again if got ppl jio lor.. If not i can booked myself also.. lolx.. But i'm not so daring lah.. Haha.. Sorry for such long post.. Type until my back start to ache also.. >.< Time to sleep liao..

Surprise

2009-01-16T10:45:00.002+08:00

Hormone linked to infidelity
Women with high levels of a key sex hormone may be more inclined to cheat on their partners.

When tumbled upon yahoo mail saw this.. Wtf. =.= I said wtf is not becoz of anything but becoz of my ex. Was it for good or was it for bad? Confused. Coz current is the opposite. Does it mean i had wronged her? No idea.. Nor do i wanted sleepless nites.. God save me...

Juz passed my pract 2 yest nite.. Shiok.. Confident level came back liao.. Last pract + theory and i can go for my TP in feb liao...

Emo-ing..

2009-01-14T23:12:00.002+08:00

Been stuffy lately but got shuo bu chu lai de tong ku.. Damn sian... Actually been wanting to go drinking alone yet scared to go coz if going to drink i believe there will be like as the last, no end in gulping the VSOP.. Unstoppable till whole mind gone wild.. Yet, dun really wanna pull anyone go also.. Even though that would means at least someone there if i were to total lost control.. I juz dun wanna trouble anyone.. I'm that introvert sometimes.. Even rejected a few sessions from friends lately.. Rather indulged myself into my Cabal. In a world of my own..

Maybe i will be making my move first.. Silent killing is my tactic. I dun like noisy breakups.

Never liked nightlife gals. Never. Thus, i will not consider any gals who are working nightlife..

Going genting this sat night liao and still haven't prepare my stuffs. Haven't go change money also.. Haven't go change money for my mum to bao ang pow also.. Haven't go renew my insurance and road tax.. Haven't go cut hair.. Haven't go tidy up area at home.. Haven't buy cny stuffs for my granny also.. Haven't end my torment...

Think not going Taiwan for the time being.. Business is bad and economy is bad.. Best to keep for raining days.. Haiz.. I need to breathe.. Maybe i shld change my number already.. Life sux..

It's a routine. Same all over again and again. But enough is never enough. That's not all, the future had no lights for the path. Time for a new route.. Anyway, routine is just a routine.. Can be adapt to when time comes.. Every chapter of life starts and ends. These are all part and parcel of life..

It's time to venture out of the circle liao.. Seeking new chapters in life. But the first thing will be personal life not involving anyone else.. =)

Drunken me..

2009-01-04T02:32:00.002+08:00

Damn sh!t!! Juz came back from QB bar.. Damn high liao.. Knn juz now outside whiskey smoking and finally that gal came out liao.. Did exchanged a few words liao lor.. Ccb my heart beat damn fast.. Dunno it's becoz of the liq or the gal.. Hardly can breathe.. So close almost leaning against one another liao.. Wtf.. In fact saw them a few times liao. Find that they are quite ok but kept going whiskey whereas we at QB.. She said juz now, "Wah u frequent here hor..?" And i got no reaction.. Not really that lah.. Actually another guy came out for smoke and knew her de.. Then they are playing 'wu gui wu gui tiao'. Wtf.. =.= Then as time goes i really cannot tahan liao coz the kick is coming in.. Therefore i made a move leaving my bro and friends there.. As well as the gal.. Knn haven't take number lor.. >.< Got mood liao yet like that.. Cb.. Dunno i down so many glasses for wat fuck.. Cb.. Not as if i'm really emo or wat. Kao.. VSOP somemore.. Once it's hard liq, i hardly can control myself it's seems.. But when it's really kicking in hard then i will be making myself scram liao.. If not i really can't stop and will knock out and not juz vomit.. That's y i always say i cannot vomit coz once i do, that's it for me.. Super duper fugly. There goes my chance... Sigh.. Anyway, she did mentioned she's also frequent Whiskey.. Time will tell..

Heart prob is always the case for letting a person emo.. Wtf.. Drinking is not the only solution leh.. Somehow even though i knew the logic but today i really cannot stop.. Izzit becoz of chionging the drink or i juz wanna let it down.. I let of signs of letting go and yet the response is good.. Damn the mind games, rick! =.= Even though attached but still not letting it be a secret.. Wat kind of game is this.. Like wat karman says, huh not even a together photo..? Yeah... Jian bu de guang.. Some things are beyond control.. Wat's meant to be will be, wat's not to be will not be.. But i still believe there's something out there for me.. I always dun like initiative.. Coz if i do, that's faking.. That's y when that gal tok to me, i was extremely excited though high liao.. Sigh.. Now say wat also no use liao..

Why dun u let her go? Why dun u juz let go since she already said she cannot make a decision? Is her husband more impt or u more impt? Well, even she herself cannot make up her freaking mind lor and yet why the hell are u still clinging to her when u jolly well know that there's not much hope since her husband is making a counter attack? Wtf. Go and die lah. It's not the fucking and it's juz a new begining and yet u are so hard-headed abt her. Knn. Not as if she's super good in bed or super good as a gf ah.. This kind of gal scared cannot find meh? Sigh!! Piff!! Dunno when u can wake up ur fucking ideas! Cb coming to 27 liao lor not 17 leh!! Even though she chose her husband she got nothing to lose lor and yet u gonna lose not only ur time but ur heart too!! WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-26T12:52:00.002+08:00

It's been such a long week.. Time is so hard to pass.. So many things to do... =.= Yet at work so little to be done with such low amount of stocks.. I'm left with mainly display sets... Wtf..

Went for my motor prac 2 this morning.. Wakey so early at 6.30am.. =.= During the lesson on bumpy course, lost control and fell down. The metal guard press right on my right leg, to be precise, my toes.. My shoe is a soft type not safety boots.. Damn 3 toes swollen. Damn pain lor. Stupid bike so heavy lol.. But i'm not giving up yet. The next time i will pass my stage 2. Hmpf!

Went to vicom to have my bike checked, passed liao.. No more smokey bike. Went over to Queensway and have my valve checked coz bike is maxed out at 70km/h. Diao.. The screw came out again.. This time my technician use a rubber tube to block it off.. Saying if it doesn't help then i gotta change valve liao.. Another hundred odds. Then the fairing i haven't change also.. Also a hundred plus.. wtf almost 1k liao if i count this way.. Juz for servicing.. =.= He advise me to go for a trade-up.. Think maybe i will get a 'little lamp' or wave or sparks or x1.. Small is good.. Juz like how i always prefer small gals.. lolx.. Perv..

Juz for her only. Went to Orchard yest nite and did some shooting and filming.. Though to singaporeans this is a bo liao thing to do, but not for the case of foreigners.. Anyway, she dun have the time to go down to snap so i do it on her behalf so that when she's going back to china, she can show her family members on the season in sg.. Reached Orchard and it's so crowded there.. Unable to really film while walking.. Needed a handycam instead.. Sigh.. Did many shots along the way and several videos all the way to Plaza Singapura then from there walk home coz no more public transport other than taxi.. Did not ride coz Orchard had been sealed off so juz walk lor.. This is at least something little that i can do.. Well yeah, i still dote on her.. When on the way home, she accompany me on the fone till i walked home. Despite she's cycling and doing delivery.. So dangerous for her.. I told her that special events are nothing much unless there's someone there beside to share the joy.. She felt my neglect.. Kept apologise but well, there's nothing we can do.. Maybe if i burn down the shop she's working at? Lolx... I'm not that unreasonable.

Mon and tue will be my off day.. Think mon will go see if i can change bike as well as settle my installment.. Hopefully my fone also ready for collection.. Think tue will meet up with her bah.. Long time no be with her liao.. Somemore this coming wed which is her off day, she still have to work coz her aunt got open shop.. Still thinking of bring her to mount faber and maybe a trip of cablecar also.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. Bo bian lor.. Think meet her liao then when she go work, i go home play game bah.. Need to chiong more wars... Yup i'm back into my game.. More healthy also lol.. But i dun mind going for a few glasses since Pamela kept msg me to go down support her.. Can lah think can support even if she's on top.. Oops! =X Time to go work. Sian. Go work to stand not to sell coz nothing to sell.. Waste time.. But still got to go.. Integrity problem. =.=

A new resolution?

2008-12-23T00:26:00.004+08:00

2009 is coming.. Isn't it time for a new resolution..?

Been thru her friendster yesterday.. She indeed become fatter and fatter.. Lolx.. Juz like wat jason described.. Her face almost bloated.. But when looking thru all the pics, a painful sensual running thru my veins.. The good old days and the bad old days.. I really dun deserved such a bitch.. Sigh..

It's complicated. That day went drinking with jason and her at Millions then after that went over to Raining.. Unable to finish up the balance despite her kept wanting to drink more.. We chatted a lot that day.. Surprisingly.. And she gave me a new vision also.. Told me that if there's really another nice gal, told me to go ahead.. Coz she felt it was unfair for me since she's unable to make a decision and commit herself.. It's neither this nor that for her.. Complications leading to nowhere.. Like Carisa always says that i'm the mr nice guy but well, i'm juz bad at rejecting unless i really dun like.. Juz like wat i did that time at Nana where she almost got me and plus those words from her ringing into me.. The more she advises, the more reluctant i'm to end the relation with my gf.. Though deep in there i wish i can, without any hesitation.. In fact, u might be the one who can release me.. But well, i'm again being sealed with a passionate kiss after the raining bar session.. Lolx..

This mth is so broke.. And yet sales so bad.. Worse still, low on stocks made me mad.. But afterall, xmas shld be a joyous occasion.. But wallet had quite a big hole.. lolx.. My sis bought me a Gucci Wallet with clip-function.. In return, i had ordered her an Ipod Nano 8gb limited edition Red. Got a Canon digital camera for my gf, short of the memory card though.. Will be going sls to get her a 8gb for the cam. She's going back to her country juz before my bday and she needed one for the holiday trip.. Bought myself a new specs finally.. Damn broke now..

Went to enrol for my class 2A liao and booked TP on the 18th Feb. Went for stage 1 and cleared with one try. WTF lor. =.= Unexpected. Coz the 2A bike is totally diff from my TZM.. Much more powerful but the bike that i gotten is awfully lousy with bitting point so far off. Not used to it. The body is much bigger than my bike. The weight is so much heavier than my bike. Hopefully i dun break my record of 1-time-pass for all tests. Lolx.. Going to enrol for my class 3 when next yr comes. Afterall, car is much better and more comfy.. Less danger..

My bike is finally settled. =.= Waste so much of my time and money.. Think will be selling it off or by trading in for 2A bike. Think will get S4.. But spec 1 will do i guess.. I dun need so good since i intend to change to car..

Sales been real bad lately and stocks had been reduced to dust today. Knn. She said since i dun wanna go show, she as well STN all stocks out. Wtf lor. Since when i said that. He called me and ask if my side got stocks or not only lor, not ordering me to go expo. If he ordered me to go, would i say a NO to that order? Think this time is gana framed and words are being put in my mouth. Freaking this superstore is not the only one that i can work at. Bastard and Bitch. A bastard who thinks with his cock and talks with his balls. A bitch who listens with her CB and talks with big hole. Pui. I dun have to be under your account. Precisely, i dun take the fucking bitch salary, less the fucking bastard. Wonder when they getting retrenched. Think pretty soon bah. Old liao shld rest at home or clean the toilet. Shld not waste on company's money. Piss.

Genting trip in Jan. =D In fact, really waiting for it coz can go overseas.. Lolx.. Though i dun gamble and i hate gamble, i dun mind going for exploration. So excited that i immediately did my passport online but got a feeling that i will still need to go down to ICA for photo.. =.= Anyway, spending money like nobody business. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz. Still haven't settle my bills yet lolx.. Hope they dun cut me out so fast..

2008-12-10T02:19:00.002+08:00

Really feeling very tired.. When the tension is too great to handle, it might juz snapped.. Even a rubberband had got its limit, less said a human. Been quite tolerant already.. Guess it's really time for me to say goodbye to my TZM.. A bad choice at the start.. Indeed bikes are like computers, similar to human.. One illness cured, another came then followed by another.. Never-ending shits, pile after another then another.. Regarding the other, i'm also growing tired.. Maybe it's time soon. Wo ye ke yi yi xi guan yi ge ren shen huo.. Though i dun need nobody but i'm fine with nobody either.

Some things had to be resolved before i start being unfaithful, coz that can be addictive.. Afterall, i haven't had enuff fun yet, not juz yet.. Bah, water flows surely to the sea. What comes around goes around. It's not the end yet it's juz another begining to start with. Anyway, it's far end that matters and not juz the near future. Still, my mindset of locals is still the same. None can be trusted. lolx..

Today Adam says how two-faced i am. Well, i juz need to cater myself to the world juz to make a simple living by earning meanie $700 per mth. Stop! Dun suan me! I'm really earning $700 basic pay per mth mah!! >.< I'm not lying!!

Talking abt two-faced, i can still rmb Dawn's face on how she can change that so quickly.. I kinda miss those days where i always disturb her from opposite when we are working at Suntec.. I still waiting for her to intro that cute gal to me. Neck long long liao lor. ZzZzZzZzZz.. Anyway, good things are worth waiting. I wonder.. Coz that's a MIS.. Oops!

So fake everyday.. That smiling face is nothing but a fake. So tiring.. Someone did mentioned that i'm good at acting innocent.. =.= Aiyo i may look blur while i know what's going on but that doesn't mean i have to get myself into quicksand.. Even though i dun get involved, nothing's gonna change a thing. Even if getting involved does that mean it will really change something? I'm not the kind who will waste meaningless time on trival matters which doesn't even concern my life..

If i feel something's gonna worth my effort, i wun even think for a moment to help out. I know i wun die even if i'm alone coz the world is too big, not to even mention small fly. Some things what u meant to see may not be what u think u had seen. More than to meet the eyes. Because reality itself is not as simple as ABC. Juz like how someone spur out however much more the someone earning, that someone still ended up with nothing. Juz like how someone spur out however much the someone saving, that someone still ended up with nothing in the end. This is quite confusing coz i have to be careful with what's posted here. There are eyes all around and i may mean no harm but harm might juz come anytime anywhere. Not that i really care nor it concern me. But i feel that both are neither right nor wrong. There's no such thing as a definite...

Some says it's a wastage for holiday trips..
Some says it's a wastage for good food..
Some says it's a wastage for pampering others..
Some says it's a wastage for gambling off..
Some says it's a wastage for being thrifty..
Some says it's a wastage for drinking while deteriotating body..
Some says it's a wastage for DIAO HUA..

There's so much wastage logically known by many but how come there are still ppl doing so?

Juz like how i never believed in 4D and yet once in a blue moon i still do buy $1..?
Juz like how i detest my own dad in wasting money on beer and cigerettes yet i'm doing it as well..?
Juz like how i hate ppl who gamble and yet i used to try it..?
Juz like how i hate ppl who took drugs and yet i still got friends who are like that..?

Juz like how i hate myself for being myself. Why was i born in the 1st place.. Damn.

Dun get me wrong. I dun need any sympathy nor do i need anyone. I'm fine with myself becoz i did, for 26yrs. Can't wait till March. Damn.

When in that state of mind where nothing goes in, that's where life buoy comes in. It's no longer there.. Not juz any life buoy will do, coz 'life buoy' do have an 'expiry'.. And yes i'm very fussy on that though can be easily satisfied and pleased on most occasions. Unfortunately, not.

Well, i guess i'm on my own. Ya, all along.. It's gonna be me, myself and i.
X'mas, New yr, CNY, Bday, Valen, Holi.. Even though already got events but inside still alone. Nothing's gonna change a thing for that.. But it's ok...

2008-12-06T23:49:00.002+08:00

That day went to do bike and saw Huining there collecting her phantom with her friend.. She's wearing her uniform, like a dress, and yet she's riding.. =.= Power.. Lolx.. She still looks the same except that she had her teeth done already.. Been so many yrs liao of coz done liao lah.. Duh.. Still as attractive as before but she saw me and cannot recognised me.. =.= When i sms her then she know it was me, still thought which ah beng looking at her.. lol.. Please leh.. I so guai where got beng..? ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. And she's still on P-plate? Weird. Think she did not remove lah..

The excessive white smoke from my bike is driving me crazy lol.. Need to go put more cotton into the exhaust, heard from one colleague.

Sales going pretty normal as usual.. Ppl saying i 'cannot eat finish'.. =.= Dun have lor.. Can't even reach my target.. Sigh..

Pretty laid back lately.. Laying low on drinking also.. Good good.. Healthy lifestyle.. Lolx.. Botak din come work for quite a few days liao. Dunno what happened.. Hope he's ok..

Asked my sis to check for the flight to Taiwan in March.. When dad heard that, he was surprised that i was going alone. =.= I mean, what's there to be surprising.. Though in a foreign land, but still that place ain't indonesia nor thailand neither malaysia. That place shld be safe for solo-ing.. Not the least scared but more of looking forward to it. Something new ready for a little exploration.. Thrill. This is what they so-called adventure..? Free and easy, backpacked everything and go.

2008-12-04T02:11:00.002+08:00

Lazy to do much posting lately.. Tired of taking trains. Duh.. But there's so much to see on the train. Lolx.. See no evil mah.. Touch then evil lor.. =P

Been much into beer lately, all thanks to mr richard.. lolx.. But i'm still controlling myself. So refrain.. Yest went QB with richard only.. The table next to us came two ladies and immediately i spotted one who looks familiar but yet i juz cannot figure how where when. This Veron very very familiar lor and she also thought so but we aren't in the same sec sch leh. This ain't Deja Vu coz there's a little memories in her seeing me before. What the heck is going on? Anyway, richard hooked up that Regina while i did nothing. Yup nothing again.. At 1st was having the mood but the last 'bottoms up' got me outta mood entirely with no interest in anything except for wanting to go home that badly. Yeah, that's the bad point of me getting drunk.. When ppl drunk, they can go around vomiting here and there then can make joke outta it. Whereas i can't vomit, coz if i did, i'm as good as a dead fish.

And great, now almost everywhere in BQ know me as Nemo. =.=" ZZZZZZ.. The point is why am i in such a high profile state. Anyway, time to ration. Finally got my baby back to health with several IVs.. lolx.. Yeah, bikes also can be IVed. Next would be washing and polishing it back to clean clean.. Then finally would be going for changing of parts and maybe a little spraying for touch up..

Heard comments on my singing. It's been a while since i last heard that.. Bad sign.. Coz when that happens, bad things cropping up one after another.. This mth is a bad mth with so many bad things happening.. Juz gana caught for my visor for being too dark.. $50 fine. Wtf. I guess it's time to get full-face with no visor then get my specs and sunglass..

Finally sent my dopod for repairs.. They are unable to give me a 1-to-1 exchange policy due to it's repairable. Duh.. Anyway, it's still under warranty. Can't wait to have it back... Life's so miserable without it..

Sis said she will be booking the tix for Bangkok next mth for Feb trip.. I still wanna go Taiwan leh.. Maybe i shld go alone... Go there alone and no matter what i do, no one there to disturb. Like, shopping with my own sweet time, makan with my own sweet time, explore with my own sweet time.. Life's too hectic that one must enjoy once a while with a little pampering in the right area.. I dun need any materials to satisfy my needs, emo and soul.. It's the pleasure that satisfy my thirst for serenity.. WTF am i toking abt? Argh. I juz wan a break.

Guess it's time to clear the rest of my bad debts in the near future.. Never-ending shits. How i wish i got wings to fly away or if not juz stopped breathing in my sleep. Anyway, it's not important anymore whether if i exist. I yearn ceased to exist..

I think i still prefer short hair..

What's with that sour feeling in there..?

Shld i still stay at Causeway Point..?

Maybe i shld not get a car any sooner..

I wonder what lies in the future..

I think i need my med back too...

Afterall, it's me, myself and i..

2008-11-25T14:20:00.000+08:00

Sales going normal lately. Back to norm I guess.. Though that's really not enuff for me to hit my target, think shld be ok lah.. At least still can survive lah.. Juz like how I survive with nec pay.. Anyway, commitments aren't as great as before.. Juz normal house issues and that forever drunken guy issues. Really cannot have cash on me. Really knn. That place is utterly cannot be called a place, home. Hell with it.

Slept really early lately and wakey early for roadshows.. It's a bit extreme and unlike me.. Lolx.. But sometimes, that's our part to fulfill lah.. Juz like even though i'm not being paid on mon to thur, but still come work.

Bike was being sent to shop to do repairs and maintenances.. Repair valve, clean exhaust, change brakes, change engine oil, change spark plug, change a dunno wat thing that caused my bike to cannot start.. Oh, and put silencer. Anyway, doing these minors cost me over 300 bucks. =.= Shag. Maybe when take back liao and i'm more comfortable with it, I might juz keep it till the end of time or maybe till class 2 or class 3..

That had quite a long chat with my gf on the fone than usual.. Happened that somehow, several events were alien to me when she said she did told me before. My memory wasn't that bad lor. Haiz.. Can feel the bridge again.. Was it me or was it the dark cloud again? Commit myself? No way. At least not yet.

Been taking train lately.. Really not used to public transport.. Missed my train two times.. One time at Jurong Interchange and have to take cab back, that day had a few cans of beer with Richard and Steven after roadshow.. Second at Dhoby Ghaut and have to walk home, help cust to do installation and setup after work after her school.. Though Dhoby Ghaut near to home but kinda lazy from a tiring day of work yet dun wanna waste money on cab.. Money not easy to earn even though earning more than before.. Need to learn more from uncle tianxing.. Hahaha..

Wah wah wah. Adam and ken help me sell DV6773TX today and also a 2800 series from ken.. Uncle and keith help me sell DV4 series! Mr richard also help me sell DV5. Wow wow. Actually no matter what they sell, all of them are very nice ppl. Lol tripod.. But no leh, all of them really nice guys mah. Super duper good de. Haha. Anyway, what they sold are not impt lah, coz down the bottomline, I still have to do my job. It's not as if I can get lazy and slp at home. Though got ppl said that i'm a Three-Point-Five.. Ya three-point-five-floppy-disc. In short, flop. =.= Then I closed one power-pack and he took back his words. Not I dun wan to close deal leh.. Juz dun have the chance leh. Sigh..

Kept thinking of the negatives. Paliah leh.. For a such MIC, she shld be finding an old one with cpf credited into bank account de.. But why me? A broke with no future.. =.= And somemore that time when no working it wass her who supported me a bit financially.. Even when going drinking there's few times she's the one paying for it.. Joanne, brandon and jason do know abt this coz they saw.. Now what I did was merely a 30 bucks fone card monthly. Wtf. And repay with negative thoughts with that aroused suspicions on blank. For her there's no necessity to play such coz there's not much benefits from me and no liabilities.. Well I understand that she can 'do it' now and she might 'do it' the next time, but the reason for this case is, i'm not impotent.. It's neither the dark cloud nor her. It's juz me, myself and I. When will I stop playing..?

Juz came back from Tiong Bahru. Today supposed to meet up Jason for sentosa.. Put him plane and early morning went bukit panjang meet up Alicia and her younger cousin for breakfast. After that me and her cousin took a cab to great world city for her interview as CSA. Told her that it’s wiser to take up at IMM coz it’s nearer to her place but she chose Vivo instead.. Kinda worry coz I’m not there to look after her whereas Alicia told me to.. In fact she wanted me to get her into Courts instead since it’s nearer to her place and got me there to look after her.. Well, in fact her future is brighter at Best.. Work upwards lor.. At least got prospects from wat I see. Not that my side no prospects lah juz that I dunno what she wanted herself or rather what she wanted for the future.. Hope letting her into vivo is not a wrong move haha..

Hmmm… Her mum is the stall holder..? That means Alicia is working for her mum.. Anyway, thurs will be going down to vivo with her for her 1st day of work.. Haha machiam big brother bringing little sister to report work lolx…

Sunday drinking session on form sia.. Crazy.. But gotten super hangover the next day.. =.= Super woozy feeling at work.. Can’t rmb much on that nite.. Only a ‘moshi’ & ‘hello kitty’. Lolx.. And also a five-ten for a kiss. Hahaha.. Actually I dun have a thing for her at all. The xiao bu dian fares better. Lolx..

Maybe tonite got another drinking session.. Anyway, tml going to pick up my baby.. Guess need to wash her liao.. Sure very dirty de.. hmmm..

2008-11-20T12:39:00.001+08:00

2 days back went nana with them again. This time so many ppl there.. Zhiwei, nicky, soon heng. Not the usual gang.. Lolx.. Unable to find a reason not to go coz was being pressed by my sweetie as I put her plane once. Haha.. Anyway relax only since i'm not the target.. Zhiwei gana down a lot of glasses.

He said she looks like dawn, not only the looks but the actions and reactions too.. I long time ago did mentioned they are resemblance but no comments from my gf that time.. Anyway, there's no way my sweetie can replace dawn and there's no way my dawn can replace my sweetie. =) Coz to each is individual, there's no replacement nor substitute..

Maybe there's a little confusion here.. Neither dawn nor sweetie are my gf.. Juz my friends. Haha.. A title is juz a title, there's nothing more to it. Anyway, i'm attached though available but made myself unavailable. Lolx contradictions plus complications.

Where are u when I need u most? =.= Off ur stupid fone and dunno wat u are doing. Heck.

Saw the upcoming events.. Sunday drink, monday drink, tuesday drink. Felt weak on the thought of that. Lolx..

From 'complicated' to 'attached'. Hmmm.. Then was it that I heard wrongly abt 'single' two days back? Coz it's that 'single' that's why that married man wanna go nana, or was it becoz she looks like dawn that's why he wanted to go? Anyway, I dunno wat's up but I will not be gone until sweetie is on her way home. She also drank a lot that day.. Thot soon heng sending her home when her guy not coming to pick her up. In the end, I did not send her back even though I planned to. =.=

ICQ

2008-11-16T02:08:00.002+08:00

Suddenly received a mail from ICQ in my hotmail.. Did managed to login lolx after so many many years... Found this inside my own profile..

About Me
Setsunasa
Bagurakasu no niwa nareteru no ni
Konna toki dake namida ga
Tomerarenai nowa naze darou...

I dun even rmb wat that means.. I think this got something to do with celly... lolx.. Coz that time it's becoz of cel, i'm more into japanese..

Memories.. Yeah, they still linger.. But better not haunt.. Lolx.. Anyway, juz back from a quickie from boat quay. Coz my supervisor help me sold two DV5, so ok lor. Juz go down awhile.. Access Room reopening?!?! Actually, it's no longer the Access Room.. Took over by another boss dunno from Whiskey or Martin.

Dawn is at Dbl-O, asked me to go over.. Got a little bit tempted by her.. Actually not her but someone else.. Haha.. Tml got roadshow lah.. If not, can consider going de.. Anyway at Millions there quite boring and dun really like it there today.. Ok lah need to go koon liao.. Need wakey early tml.. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz...

Locked..

2008-11-13T00:39:00.002+08:00

Didn't know that she's so active in facebook.. Seeing her now makes me content, at least she can live without me. Live as if i do not exist in her world anymore.. Dunno if she's still in singapore but can see from her facebook she seems to be in New York now..

Days back i tumbled onto her facebook.. Going thru the contents and pics.. There still seems a slight pain in there.. Memories can be painful at times though blissful at the same time.. How ironic.. An untied knot. There's no way to turn back time, neither a way to undo that knot.. Forever etched and locked in that frozen cave that i once broke free with the help of celena.. Ever sentimental as it can be, as painful the agony i can feel inside her that time.. Regrets, are all that i had left with, in the book of life.. I only can wish for all the happiness that she can get.

Getting lazy lately. Rest is to allow more energy for the coming meteor. I simply hate roadshows.

Think no need to go book class 3 liao this week. Roadshow starting in 2 days.. When roadshow ends, can already book my class 2a. Guess will juz have to book both together.

Lolx..

2008-11-11T23:30:00.003+08:00

Haha really cannot tahan sia!! Marilyn looks real cute in that new pic with her frowning with her bear!! Lolx.. One word, SWEET! Haha.. Wat's got into me sia lolx.. Maybe i'm too stressed from the aftermath.. Any single little cutie can perk me up lolx.. I'm so fan jian. lolx.. I must be crazy.. Roflmao...

A pity yest didn't go work.. If not i think i can pick up more sales coz overall sales not bad.. Sigh.. Bo bian lah no mood to work also.. Today also ok lor.. At least can vie with Acer but of coz still lose. Haha.. Well i dun mind though. Hee. Coz it's not lenovo or dell that is dominating.

Anyway, thinking of the next upcoming roadshow. Maybe i shld use my c794 to kill the market in terms of pricing.. I mean, need all highs and lows model in order to balance out the nature.. If not ppl like dell or lenovo will kill and eat more shares.. Even though low end more prob also bo bian one..

Beer Fest

2008-11-11T04:07:00.002+08:00

Omg i really hate beer. Goddamn shit that i'm almost a goner within 3 glasses straight. Yet they see me can drink with gals then disturb me say i can't drink with them.. Zzzzzzz... I'm drinking Martell leh not beer that time. Beer is really not my cup of tea, erm drink.

Again left my bike at boat quay while richard and the golden hair send me home. I'm drunk but i still manage to walk myself home from the coffeeshop. In the end unable to wakey the next morning.. Rush report for an hr when i woke up at 4pm.. Mina called and asked for my report.. By 5pm, finally done and email it over to them..

Got quite a few calls during my slumber but can't really rmb it well lolx.. Supposed to go work today and pack up those mess of roadshow aftermath.. Got an sms from Olivia that pay will be late and expect delay from now onwards.. No mood to go work. Anyway, i'm not paid on weekdays.. Heck. 1 and a half mth to process pay. Wtf. And yet i'm earning lesser than Lenovo and Dell. Wtf wtf wtf.

Mei chin wanna disturb me to make me drink. Well, can do anything to make me drink but wanna play 'friendship' that's ridiculous. If i dun even treat u as a friend i dun even bother a single shit. Anyway, though i'm drunk but i rmb clearly that i saw Stacey crying outside. But the dog came out real fast. Was that her dog? No idea and not that i really care.

Another roadshow upcoming and pc show upcoming.. Shacks. I'm exhausted even though i got not much sales.. Need a break real soon i guess..

Hmmmm... She seems to be back into the picture. How come feeling slight sour inside..? That shld not be the case leh.. Sigh.. Wat's got into me? Anyway, i shld be happy for her ah.. Wtf dunno wat's my mind made of.

原谅我

2008-11-07T02:44:00.002+08:00

原谅我

请不要分了以后还记得亲吻过的承诺

你的永久已不属於我

默默低头那时我很多话梗在喉咙

你的笑你的快乐不是我爱太多想太多

我能感受他比我适合

爱放了手我伪装冷漠比你先说分手

请原谅我原谅我不成熟

不爱你是藉口好让你离开我

请原谅我好想自私将你占有

一个寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活

请不要分了以后还记得亲吻过的承诺

你的永久已不属於我

默默低头那时我很多话梗在喉咙

你的笑你的快乐不是我爱太多想太多

我能感受他比我适合

爱放了手我伪装冷漠比你先说分手

请原谅我原谅我不成熟

不爱你是藉口好让你离开我

请原谅我好想自私将你占有

一个寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活

爱过恨过哭过也笑过

亲吻过你的脆弱

其实我比谁都要懦弱

原谅我必须假装爱错

别让时间倒流我怕说不出口

原谅我没有解释太多心痛

别无所求彻底忘了我爱原来要舍得我

难过我才懂

=.=

2008-11-07T02:07:00.002+08:00

She said today she was very late and someone is sending her to work today.. =.=" I mean, u dun have to feel nervous when u are saying that.. Even though it's a guy who is sending, so what. But, when u saying is a dajie and feeling nervous, that sounds lagi not convincing. Maybe i'm juz too hard to please, maybe another might fits better in the picture..

Everyone had been taking pics like no one business while my dopod cam is spoilt. =.=" In fact, ever since my last, i dun wanna take anymore.. Nvm next week will go get my fone, the screen as well as the cam. No point in getting a new one when mine worth over 1k.. Even if repair cost is more than 10%.. I'm so used to keyboard.. haha.. Anyway, my cam got flash one lor. ZzZzZzZzZz.. Though not like dawn's N95 with 5mp de but still can take de ok!

This time round different liao.. Even though percentage is lesser than the previous, but majority is still on the 'find another' side.. Previous de more vigorious lah.. But i guess a '2-timing' is definitely a no-no coz even myself will not allow it.. Coz i'm always the one got betrayed? lolx.. Normal lah these kind of life. It's all abt suffering and happiness. Nothing is perfect, it's juz balanced..

Kept finding the Ti Amo and cannot find until she posted the mtv.. Lolx.. I'm really very toot toot when finding songs.. But still can get Jay full album lor. Bleahz. =D But this song seems kinda hard to sing.. Coz the chorus part, the guy dun sing much rather than a echo-ing or rather like a backup singer.. Main focus is on the gal side.. And this original singer's voice is so power that she almost covered the guy's voice.. Machiam Dai Ai Ling - Dui de ren. Oh ya she got a new song and heard it several times at Millions and also Whiskey.. Kept on forgetting the name..

Anyway, it's been decided.. Next wk cfm very busy.. Go do my bike, do my specs, book my class 3. Think will be getting 2 days off.. Maybe use one day meet dawn for dinner, maybe with movie..? Hehe.. Of coz with a reason and she knows lah wat's on Xing's mind. =P

Oh shit man!! My sweet nothings never stop! Knn i can even say those sweet nothings to an auntie and made her so happy lolx.. Wtf lor.. Haha. And it still seems to work. Oh shit i think i eat too much honey.. lolx.. My mind had not been rusty so far so long.. But i think i use those on cust better.. Haha..

This mth sales will be quite flop.. But no matter how flop, i cannot flop too much.. Still have to survive lor.. But my roadshow skills still sucky leh. I hate roadshows... Juz like that time sell nec also.. Totally lost and dunno how to sell.. Washing skills total no use.. Haha.. Well they also said, when u cannot even trust ur own ability, who else can? Need to buck up and chiong liao... Even if lapsap also muz grab liao. I'm being too lenient to the staffs for always been wanting to close those with spif for them. I mean, i still have to eat mah. Why care for others when u urself can't even feed urself? But not till the extend of selling all super low-ends lah. Nap one muz still goes nap lah, dun gu-gu go until pk..

Anyway, hope all my CBs come back this weekend.. At least can pick back a bit.. Even though my brand is not a house-brand but still it's quite a strong brand lor. Knn how can lose to other brands.. Since still got some supports, muz chiong also. It's not the time for relax.. This mth sales will be for CNY de lor. When totally no supports, no matter wat brand also die.. Friendship? Friend lan lor. But also have to do the right thing and do things right lah..

Cloud9...

2008-11-05T23:45:00.002+08:00

=D =P =)

On cloud nine today.. lolx.. Today's her off day and as expected she's gone to dunno where and do wat but well, not really not i wanna control her that much.. Anyway, i'm having roadshow on my side this week.. In fact, we agreed on going fishing prawn today after dinner and movie.. In the end, felt so bad for not able to accompany her on her off day..

She said she went to meet her aunt for some food at Orchard. Total 5 ppl including kids. Ate Dim Sum and spent over $100+.. She bought a SK-II facial and a blouse for over $400.. =.=" But ok lah.. As long she happy lor.. Anyway, not using my money..

Around 9pm+ she called me and asked me where am i.. Lolx. Was quite shocked that she came down to Causeway Point to find me.. Haha. Went for a smoke when she came then wanted to go eat pizza coz she said she missed pizza.. But they closing soon le so she decided not to eat liao. Anyway, both of us also tired from a day's work.. Sent her to the cab and kiss her goodbye before heading back to my shop to get my invoices then be on my way home..

She again wearing skirt but today no high heels.. I guess it's time i change my transport liao.. Will be going to book my car next wk after my show and end of mth book my class 2a.. Will be taking both together.. Despite yx kept telling me that like that take will be very xiong.. But i still wanna do it leh.. Whenever i decide on something, i dun like to change.. For example, when i decide how to celebrate ur bday, i dun like to change events.. Juz like how i wanted to celebrate for her that day.. Haiz.. Anyway, nvm lah.. Next yr we try again. I wanna make it more memorable for her.. I felt so useless at times..

Spoke to dawn this afternoon on msn.. Luckily there's still someone to talk to during my boring roadshow.. Time is so hard to pass and working hrs so long from 11am till 10pm.. Here not like vivo where so many ppl around know one another and can tok cock all the way till end of day even though got sales coming in..

Mentioned to her abt the gal in her gang, i mean group.. Got not much info leh.. But frankly lah, seen her so many times but never really spoke to her once, however she doesn't fail to catch my attention.. Always smiling and laughing whenever i see her.. Haha. Anyway, they having complains for that Whiskey Bar. Bad service, bad condition, bad attitude. Lolx.. Guess they will be going to Millions next time coz Mei Chin they all at there. But anyway, Millions merging with White Bar i think. Dawn says will intro me that gal the next time they go pubbing will ask me along.. haha. In fact, she wanted to see me and that gal together.. So that all of us can go out often thereafter juz like last time. At least, my 'gf' know them and can click. =.="

This mth sales think going to be gone case again.. lolx.. Going back to old normal sales with maybe enough-money-to-buy-food-salary.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz...

Seriously intend to get car.. Even the cheapest car also can but no super-old-cars please.. Most prob when i get my 2A, i will get my superfour.. Then will go survey and see if paying more down payment can reduce the monthly payments or not.. Anyway, will be cutting down on my internet, cabletv and mobile so as to suffice for the car.. Plans had been made and i dun feel like changing.. Unless i can use my aunt's company name to get a car.. Hehe..

. . . . . . .

2008-11-04T03:53:00.002+08:00

The 'I Love You' juz came out like that.. Easily, freely with no extra heartbeat.. Now i understand how it feels when u always ended a call with a 'luv ya'.. Juz so naturally.. So mutual.. And with an instant reply of 'me too'.. She did that without any hesitation. Exactly what i wanted.. Afterall the fire is not out yet.. =)

I'm not into short-term. Everyone sees far in the future but love is blind.. In fact, i'm worn-out long ago so i dun care much abt such.. If got, then got lor.. If dun have, then so be it.. To end it and start anew is total wastage of my time. There's no certain in the future. The next one may not be any better than current, the next one may be better than current. But is there a definite answer? I'm not into play-mode anymore. But if even FT cannot fit into my dictionary then i dunno wat i'm supposed to do. Frankly, i got no trust for MIS. Though i shld not discriminate juz becoz of a few bad sheeps, a rotten apple can caused whole basket of apples to rot even if not all, most of them still rot.. I dun have the patience to find the right apple. So, live and let live.

Weirdo

2008-11-03T12:49:00.002+08:00

WEIRD!!! I rmb very very clearly that yest nite i'm still very sober!! I can even rode home!! But juz before i go slp i'm damn drunk!! WTF!!!!

Yest is my courts IT dept supervisor's bday celebration at Millions. Reached there early so went to makan a little at the prata shop then when walk past Whiskey(or was it qb?) Bar and saw Dawn and gang in there. Stare inside from the outside window. Dawn's friend seems so excited on seeing me. =.=" I mean.. I dun even rmb who is she... I dun even rmb her face.. Haha. Went in to disturb a bit before going for my makan. After makan, went back to millions with steven, chua and rebecca. Rebe is our IT dept manager.. 1st time official drink with her. Jasmin also there, the person who is really in-charged of all our stocks for courts IT dept.. Gary from Harvey also there. Desmond from Acer confirm there.. And many that i do not know..

There's this pink lady with black tube sitting next to Jasmin said that i look familiar. I think she's drunk.. Went over to say hi and i try to avoid that table.. Anyway, we got 3 sofa seats.. In the end, i was being dragged to that table to play game, i mean to get drunk.. Whenever losing a dice game and have to drink, Jasmin and her is like so excited machiam siao char bo.. Then that lady called me another name and ask me to drink.. They are drunk liao... Anyway, there's a case of someone's handbag lost and no one knows where she left it.. Even the police came...

There's this white blouse lady, quite big but she's quite old.. She kept revealling her 'valley'.. =.= Then when Desmond is dead drunk lying on the sofa and i was sitting beside him. The lady came over to talk to Desmond and she rest on my leg to talk to Desmond.. =.= I mean, u dun have to use ur that one to rub my pants. Will cannot tahan one lor.. ZZZZZZZZZZ.. Anyway, i dun even rmb her name and i dun even know who she is at the end of the day.. Btw, she's 42 i think. And her kid is 6.. =.= She was there with her bf and she was total goner liao yest..

Anyway, i need to go work liao.. Juz finished my report.. haha.. Wah lao seems like gonna rain again.. I think i really need a car.. Lolx.

Back..

2008-11-02T02:14:00.003+08:00

Juz came back from a fast one at nana then go coffeeshop and let them enjoy the western food near my place at S11.. Actually that place i only tried the chicken chop and pork chop both also very nice.. But today they ordered sirlion and cutlet. No idea how is it for them..

Tml richard's bday think gonna go boat quay and pia beer again.. At least that's better than pia 3 martell... =.= Anyway, fingers crossed. Heard from richard today that meijun got 'loot' by weihao before de. A bit sian on that. lolx.. Maybe i shld start getting more open-minded. lolx.. Anyway, now wat century liao.. Unlike before lah..

Heard abt Taiwan trip juz now and i can freely say i can go. Gana disturb also dunno.. lolx.. To be frank, i dun mind going to taiwan, i mean especially taiwan coz it's been a long time since i last yearn to go there.. So even though were to go alone i will still wanna go.. =D

I got discuss with my colleague with overseas trip.. Mentioned that if i were to go overseas, i will not be booking a hotel before going there.. So that no matter where i wanted to go, when it comes to late nite, juz find any place to lodge.. Rather than chiong go back to the hotel.. So troublesome.. Haha...

okok enuff talk of holidays.. Make me wanna run away liao.. Lolx.. When tok abt taiwan i'm so excited.. lolx.. Wei wei.. My mind is clean one hor.. =.=" Juz wanna go there shopping and walk walk and see see nia.. Haha.. Relax only... I really need to relax my body, my mind and my soul..

Slacker..

2008-10-31T01:14:00.002+08:00

Slack at home whole day on my off day.. Mind in a blank not wanting to go anywhere nor wanting to meet anyone.. Coz i'm juz being lazy.. Nua leh.. Yes i'm quite nua.. But no one knows it's my off day lah so no dates lor..

Wanted to go see 2a bikes de.. Lazy leh. lolx.. Though i really like sportsbikes, i guess i will still go for cruiser.. Get sporty and dun chiong seems like a waste of money.. Then if chiong, will put life at stake.. Siao meh.. If it's car, i will really consider racing lor.. Dun let me get the Integra.. Roar!

Even though i'm attached i'm as good as unattached coz i'm not the kind who will go around telling ppl i'm attached.. But when asked, i will not hide the truth.. Most impt is not love but life.. Living to enjoy life not love coz love is part of life. Everything starts with 'me'. If without 'me', there's nothing else are impt. If 'me' dun wan anything, u give me everything also pointless.. Juz being random.. lolx..

I guess Matt is rather upset as well as disappointed but wat to do? That's life and that's reality.. Reality is cruel and it's the fact that doesn't change forever.. Even if his goal is the same as mine, there's no way i can let him happy.. Coz this is not something to be given even to friends.. Unless both parties are willing parties then of coz i will let go.. Juz like that incident few yrs back.. Even though both of us are willing parties but we are not meant to be that's why that guy able to marry her.. If it's not becoz of the circumstances, there's no way i will let him win me. It's total nonsense that he had won.. But anyway, that's history.

Reality is really cruel.. If not why when we are born, we have to cry.. I believe when i die, i will smile.. Juz like many of my love ones leaving one after another.. Yeah this is my life's inevitable events.. There's no turning back but to walk on.

Found Marilyn in my friendster!! =D But i too shy to hit on her leh.. ZzzZzzZzzZzz.. Sigh.. Looking forward to the next meeting bah.. Can only see see from faraway. Sad.. I mean i juz wan her as friend lah. What u all thinking?!?! $&#$%&$%^&*% Seems like she's attached.. Good.. No wonder i'm attracted.. Lolx..

Yest rain is really cold.. Very cold.. Plus those words ringing.. Does all good things eventually will comes to an end..?

NaNa~~

2008-10-30T04:59:00.003+08:00

Juz back from nana juz opposite my house with a little drenched due to the heavy rain despite the shelter.. =.=" Tequila and Martell.. Omg.. How i hate the teq smell.. Reminds me of that time at chalet with a broken heart and total goner from massive teq pops.. And then puke like nobody business.. And the smell of after puking is totally yucky..

The day before was with richard and steven and desmond and chua at BQ.. Went Millions with a barrel then to whiskey bar with a martell and 13 jugs of beer.. =.=" All beer craze.. zzzzz.. It was desmond bday and he was almost a goner.. At the very end, instead of sending him to his grave, i was disturbing him by asking him to 'da' lime juice.. Half half of coz.. Then richard came in for revenge by holding a jug of beer and said half half to me.. I was like knn i'm trying to get him to be sober and someone else wants me drunk. In fit of anger i challenged him to a jug of pure coke and we ended up in a huge quarrel.. The two cute waitress even got scolded by me for being slow in getting the coke.. I was really outta control that i vent my anger.. But both ended up ok in the end and i still managed to ride home.. =.=" Sunday still got one massive de by richard coz it's his bday.. wtf.. die die die..

Been drinking so much this mth.. Haiz.. So bad for health.. Think i should do something more healthy.. Maybe i shld join cel in her california fitness.. lolx..

Anyway, class 2A coming soon in less than a mth.. Guess when i pass it, high chance that i will trade up my TZM for a Superfour spec 1.. No point for spec 3 if i really intend to get picanto.. Vios seems a bit too big and dun really feel comfortable with it if i'm driving it.. But hey my TZM wasn't small for a 2B bike.. =.=" Think will be taking both together when the time comes..

To let go or to hold on, it's a tough choice for both.. She knows that i dun easily find a gal even though i can be that shui bian and can kiss her on the dancefloor at dbl-o that time.. Even though we are juz friends.. In fact, simply dunno why i feel i can trust her for now though at times my mind still went wild.. I really dun like a partner with nite life.. 1 is enuff and the history repeats.. Damn.. Hope she can juz leave her aunt's shop and finds her own..

Still rmb that the 1st time the two of us are alone in a room and nothing goes wrong.. We did not 'zuo cuo shi'.. We got so conservative meh..? I mean, i can be shui bian but not fan jian lor.. Somemore that time we both have had sake(jap beer) in us.. Jiu hui luan xing, but it's all up to individual lor..

The future is cloudy and i will leave it to fate.. Coz i did promised her that i will never do her wrong. When it's time to let go, will let go. This is an agreement we had for both as a commitment.. I'm sure she's more afraid of me doing wrong then she herself do wrong.. Coz i'm a guy and i dun really lose out.. She dun squander on me either.. Compared to several FTs that i had seen, she's still among the best.. At least non materialistic. Though at times i still will anyhow think.. Afterall i'm a human lor.. Blood and flesh lor.. Got feelings de lor..

My fave is not MICs but this one is a special case.. Unlike those in clubs and pubs, so complicated and in fact realistic plus materialistic. At least that's wat i've seen.. So many dancers at nana today and many had the looks plus great bodies.. But i dun feel 'clean' with any of those.. Frankly, to choose them, i rather go home slp, alone. Be it thai, MICs or sg.. I mean those that i do not know at all..

Got to know another called Stacey from Martin at Boatquay.. It's a pub named Martin.. Not very nice looking plus no figure but she can sing close to my ears by tilting her head towards me.. Though not splendid but ok lah, i'm very shui bian de.. A little warm will open me up.. Any gals can easily get close to me.. But none seems to really understands me.. Maybe the sign of water is really hard to catch.. But i'm a pure Aquarius.. It's juz me, myself and i..

Hiya

2008-10-28T01:18:00.002+08:00

Lolx i think i really becoming a Nemo.. =.=" Adam 1st time call me that when i entered courts then now become everyone also call me that lol.... Nemo is a protected fish, for ppl to view not meant for eating... What it does is swim here swim there... Lolx..... Lame...

Think this mth will hit target i guess.. It's all about luck.. If this outlet really good then why Dave left? If this outlet no good then why Steven stays so long? Haiz.. Furthermore, the more the earnings, the more outgoing also..

That day when coming down from food court, a fat promotor suddenly say hi to me, scareded me a while.. I mean i'm here for almost 3mths liao then wats with the sudden? Then the samsung and epson also getting more friendly.. =.=" This is bad.. This doesn't really mean anything lah, juz that i dun need such things.. I only want sales or rather only her have more time with me.. The rest not really impt..

In fact coming to finding a partner, i'm really very anything de.. Haha.. But maybe too anything also no good lah.. Coz everytime when not intending to find another, more roads open up.. When really finding one keenly, none open up.. I'm always more attracted to same size as me de gals.. But dunno why always got attached to bigger size than me de.. Lolx.. Not really a bad thing bah.. Like means like, there's no why.. Though always easily shaken, also easily satisfied if u know how to go about it lah..

Actually i'm really feeling sad.. Juz quite empty.. Hollowness.. That's why when someone put in something, it can feel quite something.. Something warming.. But i'm yet to commit something wrong.. Haiz..

Jinlun came back from Sweden liao.. Last week went makan with the guys then mentioned on going on prawning.. Heard many times on prawning but never went once.. Haha.. So near my workplace and so near YX's home.. Maybe one fine day will go with the guys bah.. lolx..

Shag...

2008-10-23T13:23:00.002+08:00

Finally met up liao but that din mark my day. Things din go as expected.. So near yet so far.. Things are planned swee swee but always din go the way.. Maybe, it really takes two hands to clap.. Too much of myself i guess..

When they are talking outside, i yearn to learn wat's the topic.. Instead of going out to hear, i simply drink drank drunk and act bochap.. Juz carry on drinking my martell and beer, pretending i din see anything and appeared i din see anything.. Purposely down so many glasses of mixture till so high.. Did i not trust him and her? Or i really did trust him and her? To be frank, everyone seems like strangers to me.. I felt so alone that i put my walls up high.. Defending, trying to hold back everything and stuff myself in a bottle.. Celly always said dun do that coz one day i might juz broke down and malfunction.. Well, maybe that's me myself and i...

I juz felt helpless and something words do get stucked in the throat.. Communication is the key but i do not have the key..

Dawn told me to stay strong and have faith.. Juz like how she did and is doing.. Never to give up so easily despite the hollowness, emptiness and faithless.. Walls are still being built though but not let go.. Some says holding on is strong, maybe it's juz letting go. Bullshit, she says.. Contradicting leh..

To focus on work, so many stress and politics... So tiring..
To focus on home, so many problems.. So tiring..
To focus on friends, so many fakes.. So tiring..
To focus on love, so many questions and doubts.. So tiring..

I no longer knowing what to do or what i should do.. Feeling like backpacking and go taiwan alone.. At least there is safe lah, not that i dun wanna go elsewhere.. Simply running away for awhile where no one knows me, no one finds me, no one contacts me..

I cut my hair till super short again.. It's always when something happens then i would do that.. But anyway, short is better lah.. Coz at least after using my helmet, hair not so messy.. Maybe i shld maintain it this way..

Yesterday was a flop day.. Went to Millions and open a bottle worth $188 while waiting for Jason, Brandon, Jo, Jess, Alicia, Richard, Desmond and Steven. Alicia came 1st then Brandon and Jo. When Desmond came, ordered a barrel for them.. Smoking with Alicia and brandon outside then jess came. After that Jason came and awhile later Richard came.. Steven came last and he din recognised me when i'm smoking outside.. haha.. After the gathering and massive drinking and mix here and there plus a little lousy pool, i see Alicia to the cab then took a stroll to Nana and meet up with the rest. Kelvin Toh is there waiting for us.. Thai disco is not a place for me afterall... Though music is ok lah.. The place is so familiar to me that brings back memories.. Yeah, Devil's Bar memories.. Not memories of Alicia though but the bunch of gals.. Not only the bunch but also with Erica and Celly and one more gal but i forgot the name..

The future is not important to me anymore and i dun wanna care anymore as well.. Live and let live. Can only take a step and see a step..

We had always tried to match the two up and that guy always mess things up.. Too many points to minus liao.. When he sees a rival, immediately withdraw bit by bit.. I did told him that luckily i'm not his rival, if not i will be an even stronger rival.. Having said that, his friend really thought that i wanna snatch the gal away from them.. Coz she saw me being quite close to that gal at Chamber 82.. I told him off that day. He can talk so freely to his lady friend and yet he is wordless to that gal.. 1st time nia mah, also no need to be so gan jiong.. Juz be urself lor, get it or not juz leave it to fate.. Even if doesn't get, it doesn't mean the end of the world.. Juz like my current rs, if it's gonna fail, the globe still spins and doesn't wait for me..

Today is another sunless day.. Cloudy, windy, rainy.. Suit my mood.. Gonna be lazy today..

Dunk Drank Drink

2008-10-20T02:26:00.002+08:00

Today seems to have a bit too much from access room.. I was about to type sassy bar.. =.= Seems totally gone.. Anyway, sudden got to urge for some noisy music.. Think i had a bit too much on ktv pubs.. Time to go back to dbl-o..

The feeling of loud beat with the martell kicking in.. Shiok... Maybe with some other drunk gals to see.. Haha... Anyway, talking abt that.. There was a new promotor on my side at the bdd counter.. I mean digital counter.. Indeed quite cute.. On sat when i walk past there, immediate captivated by her smile when i saw her smile.. At me maybe lolx.. Ok she's juz being friendly.. Oh i thot i smiled at her first? o.O But then, i still did not have a chance to talk to her.. Or maybe i juz dun dare anymore.. Was it the ring that is holding me back or watever heck.. But who cares.. Samsung suddenly started to ask names.. Though today was the first day i spoke to her for the first time.. But well, too young for me.. I dun need another 'ex-bitch'.. I mean someone like her in terms of age not figure coz this tiny whiny got neither looks nor figure.. Jessie much better than her.

Sales came rolling in pretty good and smoothly but target still seems unreachable.. Too little stocks or no confidence in closing? Been stressing in clearing old stocks to be frank.. Haiz.. Spent too much time in packing.. ZZZZZZZZZ..

In fact there's quite a num of choices out there.. But i can't seems to trust any.. Was it a darkness that haven't goes away? Or was it that fate is not up yet? But no matter what, she is someone that i can safely trust, despite the emptiness that i felt and having.. Even though several weeks or even mths that i had last seen her, i feel that i can still trust her.. How come the feeling is so mutual..? Thought it shld be getting thinner and thinner then goes to naught? Frankly, i'm tired.. No strength and time to really do wat i wanted to do.. Even though i got the money and time, i juz dun feel so.. I even rejected a niteclub session that bound to be fun.. Damn wat's got into me..?

Think i'm really settling down my heart liao.. Wildful no more and playful no more.. Maybe it's better this way.. Seeing her with no more complains seems good.. Maybe it's hidden well behind her high walls.. Anyway, i would not know any of these.. Coz i'm juz a small fly.. Not the 'left-hand, right-hand' like before.. Ya, time flies and paper grows thinner.. I'm not even a paper..

Came across cel's webby lately and found that she's back into singlehood.. But nothing has changed coz she is still she and i'm still me, myself and i. Time is not the same as before liao.. Haha.. I'm also no longer the wx that most know.. Coz i'm Rick now.. But still why so many ppl call me Ricky...? #$%#$@#$!@# Hahaha..

Shag liao.. Time to sleep.. Still got to do report later in the morning.. =.= Nite. Sweet dreams. Dun let the mosquitoes bite, juz let me bite. Wahahahahaha~~ Duh.

Cloudy? Sunny? Stormy? Windy?

2008-10-11T02:10:00.002+08:00

We dun have 4 seasons.. Sad... Ok juz being random.. lolx..

Was asked how come i did not change gf.. That question did not flash my mind.. No matter the weather, juz let it be.. Anyway, it's juz like as if i do not have one and i dun have to commit my time to anyone.. No need to go shopping, no need to go movies, no need to go find excitment. Shopping? Huiying volunteer accompany me go since my gf dun have the time for me. Movies? Waste money leh.. Later i sleep in the cinema how..? Anyway, no rushing to catch show lor.. I got SCV aka cable tv. Very soon the show will be in my tv, juz matter of time.. Excitment? I got my sales challenges.. Brain cells burning for the sake of that..

Everyone is saying reccession but who cares? My job is to get ppl to take out money and buy the computer for their essential needs. I'm not a finanicial planner nor banker. Helping ppl save money is not in my dictionary. I only want ppl to fork out their money to buy the things they need. Frankly i'm not being evil. If in the 1st time dun even come into my shop to see computers, why would i want to push sales? If got heart to see means got heart to buy. Can kill wrong cannot let go. Fail to secure a deal means a big thing. I'm no longer in NEC so the criteria is different. Too high basic pay plus no target with no motivation. Now is different. Too low basic pay plus too high target with super a lot pressure from all staffs thus i had to set my high standard. For company good, for own good. Money is not everything but everything is money.

Took train for two days, found that it is so relaxing and saved so much per mth if gonna calculate.. Wat i'm losing out is sleep but sleep is really not very impt.. Juz becoz of sleeping a little longer can caused me losing several thousands of sales.. Might consider selling off my bike since it's more dangerous and have to pay more for transport every mth.. Uncle still ask me to go take car.. He juz wan a ride home coz he staying redhill... But then hor, his pay is abt 4 to 5 times of my pay and he never even wanted a car.. I'm already trying to learn like him and he's luring me to temptations.. Haha..

Uncle dun wear gold chain nor gold rings nor gold watch.. That is when he is working.. That day at D & D, his rolex worth more than $30k... His golden spectacles cost at least $500 i think.. His gold chain doesn't look cheap either.. But at work, he look like a typical uncle who earning $1500 per mth.. But who can believe he can hit 10 times more?

Thinking of that, my leather shoes really need to change liao... But i dun feel a need for it even though it is torn.. The diamond in my ring is a fake but i dun feel a need for luxury.. My bag is so worn out and old.. But still can use ah, why the heck do i need a LV? My pen keep on losing one after another, but why the heck do i need a Mont Blanc? All these are juz materials that will fade. Why so stupid waste money? I dun understand.. I can buy a brand new shirt juz specially for Brandon's wedding and wear it for only once. But i dun really need anymore clothings coz i dun even have much chances to wear them..

Anyway, when doing sales if u look rich and smart, that doesn't mean ppl will definitely buy ur product.. It's the service that u gonna provide and the neccessary info that customer needs when he intends to buy. Simple, juz tell him this this and this. He might juz buy it since everything mentioned fit what he needs. Whatever. Juz like when u serve him/her several times and no responds then simple let go coz another fish might be on ur way. Waste no time coz time is too short.. I always got not enuff time to hit my personal target.. Quite a few times short of a few sets.. I swore to surpass my payout and beat it every mth. At least i try and if i fail, i did not let myself down.. If it's not gonna kill u for trying so hard, it will make u stronger. Think the tension in the arena is great but Acer is still doing well. Gotta try harder.. I cannot be 2nd in place ah... Coz pay is 4 times lesser is miserable.. At least 2 times less i can still take it.. Wtf with the payout for a mid-rank staff but among the highest payout. 2yrs younger than me and his cpf is maxed out and no need to contribute cpf coz too much money liao exceed limit liao for his age.. wtf wtf wtf..

Motivation..

2008-10-10T00:12:00.002+08:00

Lately been like crazy.. Trying to aim $20k sales per day. lolx... But i'm really serious abt that.. Coz my pay is way too pathetic and not up to my requirements. I think i'm really hungry.. Compare to those staffs i'm really earning peanuts.. Working here is an entirely total diff enmity and everyone forever seems so hungry.. When the sales going good i wanna strive for the best.. Anyway, juz like wat Acer says, all the way till the EOY is gonna be my branding.. Since everything is to my benefit as well as staffs benefit, why not juz close deals to the max? Since everyone is so hungry, why not? When mixing around with 5-digit ppl, gonna always feel hungry.. Enough is never enough.

Took MRT to work and back.. The journey is so slow-paced while the ppl around me are like rushing for time.. However, when my engine started at work everything is so fast-paced and i feel energetic and made me almost wanted to close everyone i see, no matter PK or MSN or NAP. $20k per day during high tide can be achieved with the right mindset. 6days more to go till new spif. Gonna close deal like every customer is so rich, machiam comfirm deal for every customer served. No time to waste much. Want to buy juz come sit down and open invoice. 5-10min close deal shld not be too hard i believe, from wat i had seen.

Where's my cheese?

2008-10-08T03:19:00.002+08:00

Pay got delayed. Sian 1/2.. Courts D & D on Wed nite.. Was being jio to go drink and maybe go TNN a bit.. Reluctantly agreed coz thinking wanting to ration a bit this mth.. Need to pull connections.. Bo bian leh.. Lolx.. PR..

Wasn't much into beer but still those are beer-drinkers... Haiz.. Try my best lor.. Juz now drank a bit with them at coffeeshop.. Then rode home. Still sober lah so quite ok.. Anyway, weekdays are fine..

Told her pay did not come in then totally no respond. Ok lor, u do wat u like. MYOB then. Pissed.

Time to sleep. Maybe later sentosa. Haha..

Ration-ing..

2008-10-06T12:03:00.002+08:00

Sian this mth gotta ration again.. How long does the ration-ing gonna end.. Maybe i shld set it to long term.. Spending habits getting outta hand.. All earnings will be going to nowhere..

I spur out my plannings.. Sh1t. Shld not have done that.. But no point crying over spilled beans.. Anyway, those are facts that i stated.. Since i'm useless, i'm not needed at all so as well i leave.. Anyway, i mean no harm nor threat.. Neither like nor dun like.. People comes and goes in all walks of life. This is nature and nature is everchanging. It's not like taking pictures and moments last forever.. For, nothing is forever.. Even though i'm dead, i will not be forever etched in everyone.. That's the cruel reality.

Sales pretty bad this week.. The 1st week and 5th week of this mth are critical.. Need to do 60k per week. This wk only 39k... However, the 5th week got no weekends.. Very xiong.. Maybe cannot hit target again.. lolx.. But i cannot let that happened.. Gotta buck up.. While the spif still going on gonna pia all the way and hit over if not will die cock stand again.. Somemore roadshow again this mth.. My roadshow performance pretty sucky.. damn it.. It's almost an impossible target.. Like that i do so much also gana deduct 20% pay. Sian.. Still better than previous though..

The aftermath

2008-10-03T23:01:00.002+08:00

Not really an aftermath. Nothing much really. I think i was given too much space. Lolx.. Dunno am i fortunate or unfortunate.. Starting to see no clear sky, no future.

In fact getting mutual is common and normal.. I juz dun understand why muz there be a 'honeymoon period' of 6wks-6mths.. Thought shld be ever-lasting? It's about a lifetime not a period of time..

Izzit because i'm fan qian and i sought for too much? I've been thinking that she seems so bo chap.. Nan de off day can happily arrange go malaysia. Ok lor.. Anyway, did told her that will be going to drink on that day. She wan to come or not is her problem liao.. Once time's up i will wan to go to another place after the drinking i guess. I need some fresh air from the sea breeze.. Or maybe going to somewhere where only guys go.. See my mood i think... Maybe i shld jio Erica, Huiwen and Kimli as well.. I seriously dun like the feeling of emptiness..

Yesterday was Brandon's wedding dinner, not going so well from what i see though everything finish off smoothly.. Reasons being said that are, not well planned enough, not coordinating enough, no good management of the entire thing.. Luckily i act as a backup drinker coz everyone dun really knows me and i will stand in when everyone cannot already.. That kelvin still wanna jio to drink somemore but when i stand in he back out liao.. Wtf.. Full bottle of Martell waiting leh.. Actually i dun intend to force him but he's way too much in asking ppl to drink yet onself dun drink lor.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. But anyway, all's well.. Nick really wishes to stay in Vivo that's y he go all out to drink till he himself cannot make it.. Well, when wanna do something for someone, it's better to let him see it himself.. But ok lah, at least there are ppl to help inform the recipent..

Found out that my pay was pretty pathetic for last mth.. But still, it's better than it was in NEC.. Juz that i'm asking for too much.. Anyway, gotta aim for at least 5sets per day worth 2k ea.. Target is so high but it can be achieved.. Since now my brand is the only ones with super high spif, gotta make it fly over the weekly target before everything turns on me.. With spif, auto-run is being enabled so i had to be double up my performance on my individual sales so that i can achieve double sales daily so as to cover back for the end mth downfall.. With the promo on, selling 2k notebooks aren't a big issue but still gotta pick up some small fishes..

Toking abt fishes.. I'm trying to learn from those ppl in there.. Earning 8k monthly as an average but he only drinks plain tap water and $4 meal a day.. He dun go for golden watch nor latest mobile, less the branded clothings.. I mean, even with 8k salary person he can be so 'cat' that eats big fishes, he can be so thrifty.. He can do an instant payment for another colleague for a 54" Plasma.. I was like, OH MY GOD. That was more than 3 times of my salary, 10k. Maybe his bank account over shot till 6-digit liao... Cash money.. So wat everyone sees him as a poor farker with torn shirts and normal watch and no-brand shoe. Btw, he took mrt. Not he cannot afford but it's a waste of money to him..

Single or attached, no different. Most probably, i shld make myself known as single status from now on. Coz this way will open up more rooms, more choices. The choice being made may not the best choice but when more choices to be seen, the choice might be the best or other choices are even better.. So long never do anything wrong, my conscience is clear.