Energetic despite pathetically tired..

U dun have to tell me nor to remind me that I dun have a life. That's y I said u never tried to understand me. Ppl who dun understand me I dun really care much coz u can indulge in ur own thoughts abt me for all that I care.. Ur thinking wun make a change in my life. Anyway, it doesn't really matters..

What kind of journey am I taking? I dunno myself.. It will work out somehow if I try.. At least that's wat I thought..

Best friends are not best friends supposed to be.. But some already set their footage in me as 'best friends'.. Right, the one? Juz like how we used to be eh..? =) Who said friends can't exchange kisses and hugs? It's not as if gonna end up in bed..

A drifting boat will lead to nowhere without a destination. And of coz that destination gotta be realistic.. Can't possibly take a boat and said u wanna fly to the sky.. That's pure hallucination or rather it's juz a fantasy. It's good to dream big and aim high, but be realistic juz like how all gals being materialistic. Oops! It's juz another discrimination.. My bad.. Oh yeah? Prove me wrong then. *piff*

"i've become more matured already! Weee!" My foot. That already shown u are still being a kid. A kid is a kid, dun act big. Like that will only show how small u are. Thinking are of a total different level. Did not pick up anything along the journey eh..? Pathetic.. But it's juz fine coz that's u that I knew all along.

Looking at the current situation, things might turn out well as I move along lifelessly. Ppl had been rejected when asking me to go out.. =.= It's my bad. My work is not a normal job. Almost all do not know what job exactly that i'm doing. When I said dangerous, everyone thot i'm juz kidding. Knn. Well I can't reveal the details. My company deals with Ammunitions. Ammunitions involve explosives. It's the only legal local company that does such products.. Imagine an employee who reported to work, drunk. He/she will be charged if the guards pursuit on the matters. He/she will be prosecuted if accident(s) occur(s) in that state. Nevertheless, working condition muz be tiptop coz live(s) is/are involed. Therefore, despite a high-paying job, I will not anyhow recommend anyone. Anyway, I dun wanna recommend. So many ppl dying to get into this job. But so many being fired/sacked..

I knew mum's bday is near but dunno the exact date till I asked my sis.. Lol.. Anyway, will bring her go restaurant eat and maybe shopping after that.. My stupid sis dun wan that crumpler bag anymore. I've got a bad feeling abt this. Lolx.. I'm on the verge of clearing my bad debts. Hopefully it wasn't delayed as planned..

Handphones are prohibited items in my workplace.. Therefore, I dun have any contacts when at work.. But there's two person I can contact when i'm bored at work.. Yuxiang and dawn. For yuxiang it's understandable coz he never change his number at all since dunno when.. But why dawn? Someone used to hate her so much due to certain stupid reasons that I was forbidden to have her contact in my contact list. Thus, dawn's number was etched in my head since that fateful day..

That stupid dawn kept psycho-ing me to go get a gf. =.= Her plan? Going out together, 3 couples. Zzzzzz.. I know her style.. If I really go get liao, she sure come say dun neglect her even though attached. =.= Best of both worlds eh..? Haha. It's not as simple as what u thought. In case u dun realised it, i've been neglected. Anyway, I dun worry much. =)

Sat went sls with yuxiang to get his harddisk. Went past ATF and saw nana busy with cust so I msg her instead.. Lolx.. Ask me to go in to find her later and so I promised. Went in and created a little rapport with all my ex-colleagues.. Nana said I disappeared liao.. =.= I still in contact with Yong An leh. Haha. I missed that place working with them.. While toking to kevin, nana kept getting 'shot' by me indirectly.. Lolx.. She and her giggles. =D Then after that went smoking with her. How long ago was that previous incident that she said something I felt warming..? Almost a yr ago at M-bar bah.. Haha.. Anyway, told her that if got go ktv pub with those old staffs again, will ask her along. =) I prefer clubbing though.. Haha. Yuxiang asked me how old is she and I can't seems to remember.. Lolx.. Anyway, she around my age, younger by 2yrs I think so.. He said she's got a pretty face, juz like dawn..? Haha..

Downloaded Lord of the Ring Online, Angwar. Had 7days trial. Nice graphics though compared to Hellgate it's lesser. Anyway, I can't play Hellgate.. My pc cannot make it.. Lolx.. LOTRO is a MMORPG but also an epic Role-Playing game.. Lotsa quests in there like rescuing the hobbits, helping out the Longbeard in driving out the evil dwarfs from Thorin's Gate, etc. The game is so much like the actual story in LOTR. So realistic and alive.. Yest had a quest helping out dwalin in taking down Thorin and it's a dungeon quest. I kept following him and he will stop at times and said to me that he's outta breath.. Lolx.. Nice. I might juz buy the game with time/credit card payments. Since there's not much of a competition to high lvls, i'm fine with it. =)

Well, I did told ya that I can accept anyone basically. So long I can find myself a reason to. Yuxiang said I can tok to any gals and made them laugh and smile.. Lolx.. I didn't know abt this at all.. At Tiong Bahru we headed to the basement Citibank branch to get our Biometric on our credit cards, there's this lady attending to us. When she's attending to yuxiang, everything's normal. But when she's attending to me, more conversations other than the regular questions.. Like, she saw my wallet is from Wallet Shop then she said used to work there. Then as i'm scanning my two Index fingers I was looking at the screen with big small eyes like this >> o.O lolx.. Then she's laughing and asked wat's with that expression. Haha I was paiseh and said nothing then we laugh together. Erm, I thot it's pretty normal coz she's friendly mah..

Fate?

Was it done on purpose or accidentally..? Wakanai.. By coincidence I took an earlier bus.. Was that fated? 1st time taking and met with such things.. Whole night while working i've been thinking of it, the warmth that I felt..

It was 5.05pm and I had finished smoking and my Nescafe while waiting for my bus at opposite.. I was ready for work but a tad early since my bus normally came around 5.30pm.. Thot of lighting another cigarette but saw the single-deck bus.. Made up my mind and boarded it.. Not so packed as I thot, managed to secure a seat on the left side at the 2nd last row.. Sat comfortably in my regular posture and held up my newspaper and started reading.. As the journey goes and reachs around Farrer Road, the guy sitting next to me stand up and alight.. Not that I cared.. Someone sat down almost immediately.. She seems to come from the back seat.. Not too sure coz I dun really care and I did not even take a pepp.. She sit sideways with her back facing my side. =.= She dunno how to sit properly ah.. Already so packed the bus, still like that and obstruct.. Suddenly she lean on me.. There's no natural withdrawal symptoms from my arm.. Instead, seems like trying to support her with my arm acting as a pillar.. Her body is warm.. Maybe becoz of the air-con filling up the atmosphere.. At 1st I thot it's someone I knew.. Side-glanced her and was caught.. =.= Well, typical jane.. A student I supposed.. Suddenly she stood up. I thot wat happened though i'm trying hard to focus on the newspaper in front of me and controlling my eyes to look straight ahead on the newspaper.. She alight at Cornation Plaza.. I think that's the name of the shopping center..

Wat an experience.. Was it for good or bad..? No idea.. But her warmth somehow heated up my cold and dying spirit inside.. Thanks, whoever u might be.. Maybe I had forgotten how Celena's warmth had freed me the other time.. Haha.. Yes I miss u, sweetie.. =) When's our next meet up, for some vanilla maybe? =P

I've decided.. Still got one more wk to work midnight shift.. I will take the 5.15pm bus all the way and will take that seat again.. If it is really fate/destiny, the outcome is obvious. If not, I still will not lose out coz I can board the company bus early. =) Everything happens for a reason, it dun juz happened..

An unexpected visitor. Hmm.. I wonder how she found it. Anyway, nothing's gonna change my hate for u.

Finally passed my 7.01 but test had been postponed.. Haha.. Well, no rush liao.. =) Got more than enough time for the remaining last subject which is the evaluation of everything.. Even gonna 3 times, one time per wk, I still had enuff time.. Haha..

Time seems to have slow down or rather the speed is normal? It's a fair world where everyone own the same time no matter pretty or ugly, tall or short, big or small, smart or stupid, rich or poor. Time is money.. But time is priceless as well.. To use it to generate more money or to use it to generate moe leisure.. The choice is up to each and every individual..

Someone did asked, "How to increase one's own circle of friends? I'm more concern abt the female side.." Think back on who are ur female friends and how u got to know them in the 1st place.. Back in primary and secondary and college schools, I supposed.. Well, other than educational, it will be recreations or rather, activities. Clubbing, sports, hobbies, etc. Working environments are another to expand network of friends.. But not all.. Example, mine is hopeless unless i'm at Boonlay(currently at bukit timah) or unless my colleagues are introducing their children to me. Lolx... Well, most of those children are 20-somethings. =) This topic is so pointless. =.= Why do I start it in the 1st place. Zzzzz..

I already said, u are the one who threw it away.. I guess u din realised it just yet.. Anyway, doesn't really matter. Coz ur existence doesn't prove a different in my life. In fact, i'm better off without u as a nuisance. U are such an eyesore.

Sunrise.

It was such a beautiful sight from my place.. It's been a long time since i last enjoy morning dew and cool breeze.. From 20th floor, the view is splendid. Liang Court, Md Sultan, Riverview, Funan, Boat Quay.. The bluish sky with slight orange and reddish light from the waking sun.. It was a nice view and somehow it melts me.. Suddenly felt that i'm alive.. Never thought that my place can let me see such a beautiful view.. Saw the 'mo tian lun' from my place.. Several memories of her used to be talking abt that 'mo tian lun' reappeared.. Shld i be glad that she appeared in my life or shld i carry on to bear the agony that she caused.. Everything happened for a reason.. But still, i felt all that happened are unforgivable. Afterall i'm being disillusion..

Din sleep a wink till this morning 8am then slept all the way until 4pm.. System adjustment in progress.. I need extreme spirit to work in this extreme dangerous environment.. Gotta stay alert.. It's all abt Life and Death. Sigh.. Need to go get prepared and go work liao.. Am working 7pm-7am for dunno how many days/weeks.. Dangerous job eh.. I hope not..

A bad day.

Actually Saturday no need to work.. But no one to cover the job.. No choice.. Though high pay on PH but i prefer having my rest.. Sigh.. And toking abt that, few days back msg some ppl and there's no reply from one of them.. I did mentioned, i hate ppl who dun bother to reply. There's no such an excuse as 'forgot'. It's a lame excuse. When i asked a question i expect an answer, simple as that. If u can't even achieve the simple logic/manner, i think there's no need for a friend like u. Whenever u call/msg, i always respond unless i'm at work. And u are fast in replying when u wanted something from me or need help from me. So, i'm being taken for granted. Case closed, it's the end.

Actually i wun felt like this but sat after work i was walking the streets of singapore alone and makes me ponder on such things. I decided to have my hair-cut at Chapter 2 so i took 174 to a bus-stop after PS and from there walk to sim lim square look look see see.. So many ppl there but seems to me, this place had became a foreign place to me.. No longer heart-warming.. Left the sad place and went straight to Chapter 2 at Bugis village.

After the cut, went shopping for a while. Saw several jeans that i like the colours but not the materials.. It's of poor quality to me... Went on to search for a 'bean-bag' pouch but in the end bought a waist bag thinking of using it during bike lesson so that i dun need to get a locker.. Looking thru the watches on mega sales and saw one that i like but din get it in the end.. Saw quite a few nice clothings but still did not get myself any.. Haha.. That ended my shopping.

Called Kelvin and he said wanted to go Boat Quay find Aleli and asked to go too.. The time is still early so i went back home first. Around 11pm+ i reached BQ, Shebangs. Got a sofa-seat, not bad.. Sit down not long only, gana 3 glasses of Martell on the rock... Yes i wanna drink on-the-rock but not drinking it while playing games... =.= Vince arrived shortly after and Mike joined us thereafter when we found him near the coffeeshop.. Long time no see him liao.. He juz gotten another tattoo on his right leg from his friend's shop. Soon, it will be my turn to go on for one on my arm. =) Few days back i was still thinking where shld i go to have it put on.. Haha.. Now no need to find liao lor.. =P

That day juz watched Jay's Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi.. How i adore the female main cast.. The style that i like.. Recalled almost half a decade back met one gal like that but kind of avoidance was shown and performed.. Now she's getting married soon.. Anyway, i never told her i love her. Never i would do that.. Not all had to be expressed out. As such, i would like to keep it deep where no one knows.. It's better that way.. Oh, and yesterday the table us at Shebangs got one gal who gave me the similar feeling.. The way she look at me and the way she smiles.. Kelvin said she is not good-looking at all. Yeah i agree but i like the feeling of looking at her face to face without feeling awkward.. The comfortable feeling is what i'm seeking.. I may be able to approach any gals but not those that whom i felt comfortable with.. Afterall i'm a shy guy. =X

My test had been canceled coz i'm unable to meet the requirements.. Due to working 2nd shift now and in the coming weeks i had to work on 3rd shift.. There's no way i can go for my final 2 lessons.. Time not enough.. Guess i can only go on sundays... Since i've decided not to work on sundays anymore... Though sundays are double pay to me, but normal days with 4hrs OT are already more than sunday.. And most probably i will hit 105hrs this mth and if there's an extend to 125hrs due to urgency of work, i can also hit.. Calculated that if i hit 125hrs, that will be $1250 liao.. Weekdays there are 23days this mth and per day is $70 so it will come out to be $1610.. Hopefully can get that amount this mth bah.. So that i can clear the penalties caused by that bitch.

Why would a person paid for his ex-girlfriend? Well, i ain't got a choice. Women are nothing but troubles.

Sabishi..

It's kicking up again.. Nande?! Pissed with myself.. Thot I can be what I wanted to be.. So, it's afterall juz a wish.. Shin-daiyo!!

Was appointed to do permanent 2nd shift at work, normal hrs 3pm till 11pm.. If gonna earn OT then will be 11am till 11pm.. Well, clocked 90+ hrs of OT last mth, kinda tiring but doesn't really seems so.. Quite a lot of mixed feelings involved.. Is this gonna be my stepping stone to freedom..? It's still a mystery.. There's no sure thing in the event called future..

There's always a story behind every tattoo.. Hmmm... I wonder what's urs.. That one that's rarely revealed becoz of ur hair.. I'm curious.

I'm always ur listening ear but u never 'listen'.. Thus, I wonder how much u really know abt me.. Without really knowing me, u really dare to take the chance? By chance, this may be the wrong move that could end everything.. Being optimistic, this might be the best for u.. I dun have much confidence if I'm be suitable for this role, but if that's what u feel is essential, I might accept the fate.

She's back already. So, how am I gonna put it to get it back..? Frankly, easier said than done.. I'm not really into meaningless stuffs like such.. But I need to take it back since it comes in a pair.. How am I gonna put it forth?! Argh!! Blame it on the beer! Damn!

I feel like wanting back a normal life like I used to be.. But either freedom or money, I can only choose one.. Piority comes first but the disturbing heart cannot be settled in peace either... Was that the reason for SABISHI..? I think so.. Afterall i'm made of flesh and blood.. Who can give me a helping hand..? Guys dun work in this situation coz the opposite attracts..

Juz finished Naruto 220 episodes.. Shippudden had begun.. But I guess I will leave it alone and catch up with Shaman King, Hunter X Hunter, One Piece, Full Metal Alchemist. Time not enuff to use... =.=

Heaven or Hell?

When it's not the end, u strive all u could, all ur life.. Now it's the end, u want nothing but one thing, health.. There's no turning back in time. Reality cruelty. By looking at the past is what u are today at the present. What u gonna do at the present will be what u will gonna be in the future.. Suicidal might be able to save u from misery but in the end look at urself.. What have u got in return? Being classified as mental disorder. However, upon getting to know ur medical problems, the place dun even welcomes u even though u truly had mental problems.. Pathetic eh.. Now even ur eyes are failing u.. Maybe it's time.. I know, there's still lotsa unfinished business u have in this world.. But what to do.. Time is scarce.. Let the god cleanse ur soul.. All good things must come to an end..

What is heaven? Frequently said, frequently heard. Someone said, when there's no love, there's no heaven. Well, I agree. But do I look like as if I care? For god's sake juz leave me alone. It's pretty obvious that I dun even want to talk to u at all thus u are being ignored. I'm getting tired of all these nonsensical meaningless stuffs. I'm sorry but I pretty much discriminate stupid ppl.

I also discriminate those who bet big, be it soccer or 4D or TOTO. Coz it's brainless stupidity. Shiok meh? Why not try tearing off ur own money, maybe $50/$100 note, in front of many ppl. How come u can't bear to do that? On the other hand u can spend so much unseen money? Not as if it's my business at all. I will not spare a single cent even though u are penniless and can't even afford food, becoz u asked for it.

I'm different from all of u, dun classified me into the normal life u all are living. Mine is not normal unlike majority fortunate ppl out there.

Do u scold ur mum if she went to pay for the water bills?

Do u pay for ur sibling(s) their fone bills for years?

Do u give ur sibling(s) money for their urgent necessities?

Do majority of the bills in ur house under ur name?

Are u the only working adult in the family?

Do u have a total of 5-digit debts(legal & personal) waiting for u to clear?

Do u feed on bread while letting others eat good stuffs?

Does ur money ever got lost in the place called HOME?

Have u tried living on a $3 rice per day with 2 other adults?

U ppl said life is tough. U ppl said living is hard. U ppl are nothing but bullshits. U ppl knows nothing. Nothing at all. Whine abt how u can't buy this, can't buy that, no money buy this, no money buy that. If my 2 jeans can be worn for 2yrs(even though both had big torn now), I dun understand why ppl can kpkb so much abt Levi's and Giordano. Mine dun even have brand, priced at $35 for 2.

Dun tell me money is meant for spending(regardless eating or drinking or buying), coz mine is meant for repaying. I will only do those IF I like it and I wanted to. Dun tell/teach me what to do becoz my life is different from that of urs.

I'm not ordinary from the world. So leave me alone. Anyway, even if I existed or not this world, it's none of anyone's concern. Right. See the 'X' at the top right? CLICK IT.

Hate is the best thing.

To you, every guys you mentioned "married". Got fucked means married i supposed. Big Fat Whore. Or maybe "Little Slut" will suit you well. I wonder why SHE abandons you that time despite ur explanation and calling her a bitch. I wonder who is the actually bitch calling another a bitch. I still prefer the 4-letter-word, SLUT.

Damn.
Period.

The Ghost of You

The ghost of you. Yeah, it never went away.. Never. I was on the bridge the other day. Thoughts came to me asking me, "What will u do if u were to see her at that very moment..?" Well, nothing. I played ur game, I paid the price, game over, full stop. 1st time in my life that I hate someone so badly other than my own dad. Sin can be forgiven by god but not me coz i'm not a god. I'm me, myself and I.

What's so intrigue abt waves? Why do these ppl get so fascinated by natural waves.. =.= The color is so natural. Yes, that's why it's my fave color ever since the 1st time I did it.. I fell in love easily and easily contented.. The smell is so nice.. Of coz lah, it's the Asience conditioner that attracts me to the unique and alluring smell.. Zzzzz.. I dun need those unwanted attentions. =.=

Don't u know that I used to proclaim guardian? Lolx.. I know I bhb lah but it's a fact.. That shows u know nuts abt me. =P Anyway, it's a small issue not even worth a mention. =) Take it easy, lady. And ur health is my concern.. I'm really worried abt you.. Take good care..

Damn fatigue. If without fatigue I might have done it.. Shitty helloads of fatigue. Darn.. So tired.. Been grinding this whole week.. The end is drawing near, I can see the light already.. It's really not a dream.. I need to Gambatte!!

Saw Xueying this morning. She and her sleepy look with an urgency to rush for the train to work. Afterall she still looks great. =) Everyone's busy with their own stuffs, busy with their life.. I wonder how's everyone else.. And I miss schooling at SP.. =/

Rest is for conditioning one to move on further.. How true.. I'm so tired.. Not that I want to hug u but I seriously needed someone for me to rest on.. I did mentioned, gals are the essential remedy/ingredients that I needed.. Juz like Dawn. That time she already broke up with her bf and was at JS. When I go see her, she was so happy that she gave me a big hug. Hugging is an action to show that one is happy/overjoy. On the other hand, that relieves some of my stress. Amazingly gals had such smoothing effects on me.. =) Anyway, need to catch some slp now though it's only 7pm.. This wk-end still gotta work..

Some think holding on is strong, sometimes it's letting go...

A phrase that i miss. Hopefully thursday u gonna make it. =.= U are the one who always whine abt us not meeting often and yet dunno who is love-drunken and being trapped in the love-web.. Bleahz. Life jacket doesn't really uses its function at times, or rather most of the time..? Maybe it's sinking itself already, maybe it had drift away to god-knows-where.. =X Where's our red wine session?!?!?!?!?!

Wee.. Finally i'm halfway there liao.. It can no longer be a dream. Nor am i gonna be giving up again.. =) The day is near.. I can't wait!!!

Lagging

7-Sept

Sweet-nothings dun work on me. I'm so sorry. =.= I'm unlike those who easily got 'clamped' by 'abalone'. I can eat abalone and pay the price, but not get clamped. Dream on, honey. =)

Come on. All of us are out to have a little fun. Why get so serious abt it? These gals are easily gotten and it's not challenging at all. Sian lor. Anyway, u dun have to boast around how good you are. The world is vast and the challenge is great. What u see as a great deed/achievement is merely peanuts. I'm not what u saw as before. Well, u know it urself, jollywell u knew it. Juz that u cannot take it. Well, too bad lor.

The world is turning dark once again. I felt disgusted once again. It's an ugly world afterall. Or shall I say Ugly Singaporeans. Haiz..

I dun have anymore pillar-support.. Nor am I anyone else pillar-support.. Even though the world is gone i'm still me, myself and I.. Well, I dun need nobody... No one gets my meaning I guess. Forget it.. Maybe i'm juz a little emotional after getting a little tipsy.. Felt outside the train, it's raining but actually it's not.

8-Sept

Too shag to post yesterday.. Lolx.. =P

Flirting around is fun. Yes I agree. This 60-yr-old uncle suddenly struck the question and pulled me to attention and pondering..

"Bringing out another is fun lah. Can go walk walk, can go shop shop, can go see see, can go sleep sleep. My children are big liao, imagine were to see them on the street while u are holding another woman."

Fooling around seems dangerous and unethical at certain stage of life.. From the above quote from an old man, I wonder your offspring will look at u. Be it a guy or a gal(well, it's a fair world. Who dare says all gals dun cheat. If u defend that, u are juz being naïve.), the same thing applies.

9-Sept

I'm back on Granado Espada. =.= I can live without gals but I cannot live without game/work.. Lolx.. Thus, yest been training Catherine the Summoner till I forgot to blog.. Lolx... Yes, i'm such a devotee.. =P Only if there's a chance for me to be like that in r/s.. Haha..

That time went Batam and found one perfume that smells real nice... I forgot it's CK or Hugo.. There's two versions and one of it caught my attention when I tested it.. But it's too cheap liao.. $50 only for the big bottle one... Well, I prefer Quality to Price. Afterall, i'm a QC Inspector. =P Haven't really go shopping yet.. =( Need to go hunt for that perfume.. It's been a long time since I last seek a perfume.. I rmb the 1st one I sought after is Polo Sport, then Swiss Army(the old version which already no longer in production), then Hugo Dark Blue, then Davidoff Cool Water.. Those that I liked but din get are Tommy(yellow & white box), Aqua(think it's Elements but now I dun like that due to some reasons), Eternity(pretty old brand by CK) & Kenzo(i forgot which series). I'm fusy over smells.. =.=

Chocolates..

I guess the shopping on 15^th is cancelled.. Lolx.. See how lah, coz I had bought a Cardigan for her as a bday present.. Today is rotting at home sia.. Still deciding whether to go out to see the pc show or not.. Very crowded leh.. Somemore tml will be long day for me.. After work still got motor practical lesson.. Finally starting subject 4.01 liao.. ^^ Took me two mths sia.. ZZZZZZZ.. Still got 4.02, 5.01, 5.02, 6, 7, 8 then can take TP. Hopefully I’m able to rush for the 29^th OCT test then I will have my veh liao.. After that I can go take my class 3 leh. Hehe..

I’m damn weird de lah.. Many told me straight go take class 3 and yet I told them I wanted my bike 1^st before taking class 3.. Not that I can’t get a car but I’m too lazy to go take the lessons.. Though it’s similar to that I’m taking class 2B, I dun have the drive leh.. Haha.. I hate taking something and give up halfway..

Yest’s massage is indeed shiok. =D Though legs a bit pain after that but walk and shop a bit, then the pain is gone. A pity there dun have sauna or Jacuzzi.. The Bali massage requires applying the Olive oil on body and leaving without bathing makes me uneasy.. =.= But ok lah, the massage was not bad. It’s addicting lol.. Yx said we are sadist, paying money for pain… LOLX.. Well, it’s to relax and enjoy.. =P

When I said about doing bad things, u see me as a bad guy but that idea on ur mind u felt that was fine. You are older than me doesn’t me u are better than me. Fuck you understand. You are juz being childish so dun act big. Let me see how u gonna fall as I speculated. Confirm I will see u in despair and desperation while I will be laughing my ass off seeing that happen. Yes I’m evil. I’m evil IF I NEVER GAVE U ANY ADVICES AND WARNINGS. Pls DO NOT wake up ur fucking ideas and DO drop into hell. I can’t wait to see and enjoy!! JUZ DO IT!! COME ON!! SHOW ME!! Duh. Dun waste my time pulling u.

Juz gotten what my sis wanted. Haha.. But seems she’s not satisfied yet.. Zzzzzz… She must be jealous of the Cardigan.. =.= Aiyo, ppl’s bday mah.. Haha.. U requested something and u got it. She did not request anything and she got it. Well, fair lah.. =P

The days are going fast, the days are going slow.. The time machine seems funny.. For good, for bad, I do not know.. Nor do I care.. Are the day numbered or is the end still far..? Yest nite on the boat I can see many stars in the sky with the blowing wind as the boat sets.. The smoke from the boat spoil the atmosphere.. =.=

“When I thought I found you, I’ve lost you entirely..” That’s life. Nothing is perfect. When you thought that u had finally got it, but least u know it, u are losing it.. Reality is cruelty but still life goes on coz the earth still spinning whether u like it or not.. There’s no turning back nor waiting.. Even though the whole world falls on u, there’s still me. Since I’m what u wanted me to be, I will be. =)

A broken mirror cannot be fixed anymore, no matter how u glued it up and put it back in one piece, u will still see ‘multi images’.

A broken glass cannot be fixed anymore, no matter how u glued it up and put it back in one piece, u will still see ‘crack lines’.

A broken heart cannot be fixed anymore, no matter how u glued it up and put it back in one piece, u will still see ‘wounds’.

Life’s sux, but life’s beautiful. Cannot have the best of both worlds, so enjoying the process is still the best way to live life. Do cherish before it’s gone, do cherish before it ends, do cherish before life ends. To live with light or to live with darkness, the choice is self, no one else.

Owner of the Ring

I thought I said I quit drinking..? =.= Drinking is real bad.. Now I lost my ring.. Argh.. How the hell did I bear to give her the ring..? I remembered I only took it down for her to see, not to give her.. Darn..

Everyone's curious abt the ring i'm wear on my neck.. Aiyo, wat's wrong? Can't I have two rings? Zzzzzz.. Surprisingly, it was someone that I dun even know her name who took down my defences.. Alcohol is the root to all evils.. Lolx.. Well, the thing is now how am I gonna remind myself of the pain that i've been thru without the ring... Sigh.. But still, though she's cute, nothing interesting happened yest nite.. Haha. So worried she wun be able to reach her doorstep.. Luckily her friend wait for her downstairs since they are staying together. =)

I think I need to robot myself somemore.. Entertainments are too much to handle.. It will only pulls me down.. And somemore there's one very big party that I see it coming in a few weeks.. Hopefully there will be a lot of ppl.. Long time no club with big groups liao..

Anyway, on the 15th will be celebrating Carol's bday. Will bring her go shopping and dinner then to ST James Powerhouse. Will be starting to invite more ppl to go party together. The more the merrier. =)

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be good. Goodwill can be seen and sensed as evil. Define evil. Wicked heart, naughty thoughts, psycho. Well then, I can be quite petty at times over trival matters. One time or twice, still can be understooded.

Well, I guess it's the power of that word that brings up the defences.. Can't help it.. Since that's how u look at me all along, so be it and i'll play along. Ppl always say "Fake it till u make it." Ya, so that's it. Fake it even though u do not have the confidence and least that u realised it, u are so used to it until u always do have the fake confidence which comes along so naturally..

One side note, I dun lose anything without you. There’s no different in my life whether u exist or not. Since u keep to ur own thinking, go ahead. If I give u up as a friend, dun regret coz there’s no such thing as turning back when I turn my back on you.

Aquarius love appreciation. Even though it’s juz a little bit, u can get them to treat u even better even more. Well, try show no appreciation or disillusion, u will get the answer sharp.

Ironically, I found myself with lesser and lesser confidence in presenting myself with gals whom i'm much closer to.. Coz those were the ones dear to me who had seen the actual me.. Juz like how sweet-nothings dun work on those gals.. Well, actually I’m referring to eye contacts.. How often do u shy away from eye contacts..? =.= It wasn't easy but easier for me on gals that are not close to me..

What's my point? Dun get too personal.. It'll makes all concealments fruitless and all efforts redundant.. True form will be revealed.. I hate my true form since birth. I hate the world for making me such weakling personality. I'm still trying my best..

A vase is nice to see, nice to have, nice to admire. But, a vase is always a vase. Well, many gals went for surgeries/cosmetics etc. To be more perfect and to have more confidence. Whatever. Ya those gals are indeed nice to see and admire.. But when it comes to ownage, it will turns almost all men off. Ya men are cheap, same goes for gals.

I dun understand. I simply dun understand.. Even if really can afford a Honda Integra Type-R, is there really a need for it? Is there really an essential need? So what even though the price of an Integra monthly payment plus monthly petrol & summons & coupons total add up is not even half of the drawn salary? Look at the Integra, it is indeed cheap lor, estimated $85k only. Every mth only need to pay abt $1300 including everything. It's not worth it lor.. With $1300 every mth, can go clubbing every weekend like mad as if no need money de.. With $1300 every mth, go shop till u drop with abt $350 per weekend to spend on anything. With $1300 every mth, accumulate a few mths and can go on holiday, even to japan or to lovely taiwan to shop with madness and to view sceneries/landscapes..

Whatever.

Taipei, i'm looking towards in seeing u soon. The draw is near. =)

Seeing u more, communicating with u more, I felt a different aura in you. Inner beauty..? Perhaps.. The things and criteria u are lacking, those pull me close.. Curiosity kills the cat. Will I be killed? Or would u be saved? It might spread out, it might not.. Those wings are afraid to do its job.. Protecting its master or simply no need for them? I've got no idea.. Whirling inside with deep thoughts and serious considerations, the puzzle had to be fixed before a verdict is being passed down.. Time will tell our fates. Each and individual fate. Destiny is not fate but a choice to be made.

Do not refrain anymore coz the more u refrain, the more I will fade away.. But if u think that's really the best for u, I will let go.. =) I will not ask at all, if u still can't tell, so be it.. Too bad I guess..

Weee. Shld be going Batam again. Tentatively this sat morning going till night.. =D Shopping spree without having a disturbed mind like the previous trip in late jan. Well, fark the last one. It's pure bullshits. Anyway, ya. I'm looking forward to it.. Hehe.. =)

Plannings for thailand will be delayed. I guess most prob gotta wait for Jinlun to come back to sg next yr. And we will go Taiwan 1st!! Though in late Feb or early Mar will be going Taipei for 5D/4N. Actually I’m aiming for 8D/7N tour of Taiwan to all areas instead of Taipei free-and-easy.. Not only Taipei is nice.. Gao Xiong, Hua Lian, Tai Zhong, etc. Many many other provinces.. =( But it's so expensive lor coz I need to pay for my sis and maybe my mum too if she’s going. Guess I had to get prepared at least $5k..

Oh ya agreed with Yuxiang that we'll be visiting Jinlun when he's outstation.. Hmmm.. Guess I will choose either Thailand or HongKong for the earlier trip coz it's much cheaper and visiting JL is gonna be damn exp already considering the almost $2k air ticket.. Haha. Shall plan further, currently juz have to focus on getting more and more money into my Citibank 1st. =/

Juz now went Sheng Song buy cigarettes and guess who I saw..? I saw Janice!! Yes Janice!! But she dun recognise me anymore though since I dun talk much to pretty ladies last time.. Time flies.. She's merely 19 and now she's married and had a baby boy juz last mth.. Oh ya hor how come din see her baby.. =.= Her figure is still as great as before!! One word - Goddess. Lolx.. =P Frankly, for a lady at that age, it's indeed difficult to have such a devilish body or shall I say in singapore.. Big boobs but fat, slim but flat. Whatever.. Lolx.. She's 36C I guess, with nice waist-line(i always like smoothing love-rings.. Lolx..) without any excessive fats and spare tires.. Brown contact lens with medium length dirty golden hair. Perfect. Seductive. Splendid. =) I haven't found a 2nd her that I know till now. Lolx..

As the song goes... I still miss you badly.. It's been so many yrs already.. The heartache is still there.. Many passersby yet no one can erase u totally from my mind.. I dun yearn for anything already.. All I asked for is to see you face to face for once.. Juz once will do.. Let me die seeing u for once.. =( If u come back home, hope u will let me know.. We can meet up for a coffee.. Haven't u forgive me yet after our broke up so many yrs ago..? Thought we are still friends that's why we are still contactable? Even though u are still out-stationed but still contactable ah.. =( Maybe I really shattered it real bad that time.. Guess you are my only regret even when I’m gone.. My last wish will definitely be wanting to see u for the last time..

I will never turn my head to eat the grass behind me.

That still applies, strongly. Even though I still love those in my memories, but I will accept none.

Two more weeks!! Yeah!! Then i'm going to Chapter 2! Hehe.. Yeah they are expensive but if they serve me well, I might consider getting a personal hair-stylist and appointments every 3wks to trim and maintain/alter. Well, going every 3wks is the right way coz every 3wks hair will grow then can trim to the style. =)

I'm going back to Bukit Timah again.. Sad case, cannot use hp when at work liao.. =( That's the only bad thing abt Bukit Timah.. But still, I dun mind. =)

施文斌 - 忘不了

翻开一本旧日记
记载着一段旧恋情
每段都那么的甜蜜
往事历历在这里
曾看过多少的风雨
曾说过要到哪里去
曾做过觉得傻的事
爱过在这城市里

昨晚下了一场雨
让我忽然梦里见到你
躲在某个地方哭泣
好想紧紧抱着你
有一次从朋友口中听到你消息
我的心都在发抖
你是否孤身一人
(我不停追问)

分手两年后我还是想着你
多久没有见过你
现在你住在哪里
只怕有一天我们都会老去
只想留一点回忆
能够让我们依靠

我在一个咖啡店
透过玻璃窗往外望
你的人影无所不在
无心无魂的想你


为什么人总要等到失去才珍惜
我来不及想告诉你
要永远不分离

To hide or to reveal, it's still a mystery yet to be solved.. Only told one person.. The way and the tone that I used, made him looked upon me as that's the actual weixing that he always knew.. Well, maybe it is, maybe it is not.. I've already forgotten what is weixing like.. Haha..

If seriously I see the need to change u and transform u into a swan, I might.. =) To have confidence and to able to present urself well is an awfully tough thing for a gal who's lacked of it since the beginning.. However, u are not ugly, neither are u very fat. With the right clothes and with the right attitude, u can be very gorgeous.. But u might turned into another her.. Haha.. Well, even if that happens, it's way beyond my control, nor do I want to control.. =)

Hey u are really still a part of me.. You never fail to keep my mind spinning and me moving forward.. Juz like an inspiration to move on, honey.. =D Dun worry abt falling, okie? Juz do it. Coz it's juz a msg/call, and I might be there for ya, whenever I can. =) Summon me only when essentially needed please.. =.=

Oh an OL.... Hmmmm not bad, nice looking with not bad figure.. Then she sat next to me on my left.. Oh, Estee Lauder Pleasure!! It suits her well.. Elegant. Simply can't resist the smell.. But not everyone can smells good from it. Suddenly she tilt 45 degree away from me.. It's ok, it's ok... Coz she's checking her destination on the train route-map on top of us.. Then she did not turn back to face the front.. But as the train sway as it moves, she's leaning slightly on me.. Oh man, I almost fainted.. It's been quite a while since any lady can get my heart to beat so fast.... Even getting on a bed also wun beat so fast.. Damn.. This ain't any ordinary and typical OL(i mean those kids who need to wear OL) coz she's sooooo... Ah, I dunno how to put it.. Oh well, so far she's the only one comparable to Sally who is my customer at suntec.. Matured, intelligent, elegant, gorgeous, mesmerising. Ladies around that age and knows how to present themselves are simpy the best.. Late twenties to early thirties.. It's WOAH.. =) No need for branded clothes nor cosmetics, juz something suiting and light and most important is the right choice of perfume to suit the overall.

I'm sorry but i'm very particular in what type of OL is the most exotic. It's rare in singapore, please understand.. Carlynn lah.. It's all her fault to set the benchmark.. Haha.. Most of nice OLs are nice to see but very very few will makes me wanna desire.. However, peace out. I ain’t ready.

The eye of the Hurricane..

If u feel that I dun love u enough, so be it. I had explained and I had my reasons. I can't do things the way u wanted it to be. U may be the world, u may not be the world. Coz, u are not the only one who needed me, and not the most at that time. U are juz being childish and foolish. Go away as you may.

More a friend, less a friend, it makes no different to my life. I love all my friends and everyone are being equally treated. Dun be selfish for ur self gain, for ur self profit. U will disgust me. You may look pretty but getting more and more ugly liao. Eww. Gals. Damn.

Hey it might not be in the speculated script, but well, almost lah.. =X Okok my bad.. =P Anyway, welcome to the free world of carefree. Embrace it and enjoy it while u can, coz it will not last long.. Soon, in the near future, u will be repeating history.. =X Anyway, that's the cycle of life. What goes around comes back around. The water surely flow to the sea.. =)

8th August 2007, a day not supposed to be an enjoyable day, a day not supposed to be happy at all. In the end, all's well. Went Amber to find Carol with david and kelvin and meeting adam there in a while. It's kinda boring for everyone initially and no one knows what is the weather inside me.. Haha.. In the end, I had to disturb ppl to keep myself occupied and entertained to avoid getting dead drunk..

Kept disturbing carol coz she kept rubbing her already turning red left eye due to the irritation from her contacts.. Even offered to "blow" for her.. Lolx.. That meant to be a prank.. =P Ended up I had to scare her by attempting to shoot her hand with my fingers.. =X Suddenly she asked abt my sis and wanted her number.. =.= Then got disturbed by me saying she so fast want to get to know my family member already.. Lolx.. Kinda hilarious looking at her shy and tipsy look. Haha..

"And your name is?"

"Phoebe.."

"Freebies??"

"No.. It's Phoebe.."

"Phoebia??"

"No.. Phoebe, P-H-O-E-B-E"

"Oh ok. I'm weixing."

"Er? Don't you have a christian name or something?"

"I don't use fake names." *wink*

Conversations of cheeky weixing with a tall lady at Amber.. =.= Despite her rather elegant and guai-looking-OL, she was quite good at pool.. Looks are deceptive indeed.. Haha.. Quite a good game, only once though..

That david, wanted to act anti-social yet in the end also getting outgoing with gals.. =.= That kel kept saying the ah lian waitress in black is cute and even asked him to play pool with her.. In the end also din get number.. =.= Aiyo muz everyone wait for me..? Seriously, though i'm already a bo-chap guy towards such, but I know myself that i'm a threat to all guys.. Some things dun have to wait, cannot hesitate de.. Really..

Hmmm, my tongue seems to be working only when under the influenced of alcohol.. =.= that's not very good.. Haha.. =X

Think david finally gets to see a different me. I'm totally different from who I am when i'm in the army.. The frozen xing is no longer the frozen xing. =) Juz like how kelvin labelled me as a super flirt ever since I started cheong-ing with them.. =.= Please leh.. Haiz.. Even yuxiang also labelled me.. Zzzzz.. That means I shld play along? Lolx.. Cheeky and playful as I can be, or even more than the past, I swear I will let no one to dig it out. =)

Found that nowadays I love drinking on-the-rock.. Chivas is much lighter than martell but less smoothing though.. Never get to really taste the different in the past.. Kelvin said i'm a good drinker, actually i'm a great conceal-ler..

If facing an ugly gal, u dun even have the confidence, forget abt getting the desired chio-bu. Enyouth seriously drilled me a lot by giving me hell lots of mental torturing and sufferings and insults.. If these dun pay me off in my performances, I as well die.. Haha.. Ain't possible lah.. But currently priority is still clearing bills and debts. Very soon I guess coz things are going very smoothly the way I wanted it to be. =)

Love? I had forgotten what was that. Lolx.. It's nothing but troubles. Haha.. Enjoy the bliss, enjoy the suffering. There's no need to whine. It's free-play. Life's juz like a game, life's juz like Nike, juz do it. =)

Someone juz read this piece of article before I post it..... Anyway, there's nothing to hide. =) You know where to find this piece of article as usual. Sure u did not forget my habit.. Haha..

Carol's bday is coming.. =.= seriously dunno what present to get her.. Told her that will bring her to movie then to shopping for one present then to dinner then at night bring her go her long awaited ST.James(coz she's underage, she said so..) to either dragonfly or powerhouse.. Full day celebration sia.. =.= But she said she wanted to go work that night, then said that no need all these, juz give her flowers can liao.. I was quite stunned.. Was rather amused at her request.. =) Shall see how it goes..

The beginning of a new beginning

Gratitude, sympathy, concern, chance, and ultimately, Guilt. If u think that by showering me with great stuffs can bury the begone, u are wrong.. At least u know jolly-well I should be treated this way. Becoz these are what I deserved, these are what u owed me, these are the good returns for bad returns. I blamed it on my fate and my life. I treated it as as if I owed u too much in my previous life.. Let begone be begone, my usual style, but not to be forgotten. I will never ever forgive any ungratefulness.. Well, I might not revenge, that's all I can say for now..

Damn it, my cheque book & ATM had arrived but where's my card? How come my application is not yet even being process? Wtf they doing sia.. I'll give them one more chance, one more wk. Slowpokes.

If seriously all u wanted is juz a status, I can juz give it to u.. Dun blame me for not being commiting enough. Like i've mentioned, i'm a very anything guy. Unless u are really super duper ugly and disgusting lah in terms of looks/character. If u happened to fall onto that category, I dun even wan to waste a single time to talk to u.

Now I understand what's the meaning of working so little OTs.. Benchmarked at 120hrs per mth.. Omg.. =.= those are not human... But I think I might be able to hit 130hrs this mth..... =.= I'm afterall a living dead..

I'm still easily being influenced when it comes to interests... Pool and ktv and club still get me moving. Lolx.. I simply can't resist those..

Since that fateful day, I felt that I ought to have a Christian name.. =.= Derrick sux.. oops! =X =P But this name never gets off my mind. Instead of the actual, I shall use short-form I guess. =) That will be Rick. Ok I shall intro myself as Rick from now onwards.. =D

21^th July 2007

Updated 3 entries due to lack of time…

Was supposed to go Vivo.. Too busy liao.. Ya I know u miss me badly.. Sorry sweetie, I will try my utmost effort to go meet u up this week-end.. =) Chill ok..? hehe..

Saturday dun need to work, same goes for Sunday.. So nan de and that tracy tempt me on ST. James.. =.=” Met up with Kelvin for pool then to sim lim sq for dinner with ex-colleagues.. So much to catch up seems nothing much to catch up.. I guess I’ve shut the door.. haha.. Joined Vince and Kelvin to Orchard Tower that night.. Thai Disco cum Thai Live Band. Pretty ok lah but no so for what I expected, in some ways.. *grinz*

It’s seriously been a long time since I last drank.. Thus, Chivas on the rock all the way.. And that Kelvin kept knocking on my glass.. =.=” Please leh I’m drinking rocky and you wan me to drink so much and so fast… zzzzzzz.. Kinda not much kick after abt 8 glasses of neat-rock and Vince is very sian..

Therefore, Tanjong Pagar here we come.. Lolx.. It’s meant to be an eye-opener for Vince, as it’s nothing new to me & Kelvin.. Early this yr we had been going already… SHHHHH!! =X Anyway, this no longer concern her. So, fuck it. =P

Not much gals there, mostly being taken.. Order a jug of beer and we started beo-ing.. We are like fishes ready to be hooked. =.=” Got his long straight hair small boobs gal approach us.. Without me knowing it, Kelvin already order 5 Tequila shots as Ladies Drink.. After downing the beer and the chemical reaction inside, I’m almost a goner so I was dancing all the while without caring the surroundings even if there are gals out there..

Was kind of teasing the lady with Vince hands, trying to lead him on.. In the end, he’s enjoying it.. lolx.. Kelvin almost gone already.. He’s too troubled. Well, fark lah gals only mah. Why bother when we are finding other gals to enjoy right now. =.=” Commitments sux.

Saw a pinky dancing with an Ang Moh.. I kept looking at her till she notices.. Gave her a smile and carried on my dancing.. Moments later, she came over to the counter next to me.. From behind I knew it was her.. I lean forward against her lightly and asked for her by whispering into her right ear.. Erm, dun ask me what’s her name coz I forgot.. Lolx.. As if I care. After asking, I back off and carried on my dance.. She turned around and danced with me. =.=” I know what u wanted, too bad I ain’t giving it to u honey. Lolx. Like I said, gals are all bullshits so they ain’t getting anything from me. Somemore I’m pretty high but sober till the extend that I loved dancing at that very moment.. Even after being rejected, she’s still being persistence.. =.=” I wrap my hands around her thru her waist to her lowerback and whispered into her left ear, “Sorry darling, not today.. You see that Ang Moh on my left? Go get him.” *Smile*

Kelvin was so busy on his hp all night and Vince was so busy with that lady. So, I carried on dancing. And then behind Vince, there’s two more ladies and they seems to be looking at me.. Do I look like a delicious fish to them..? =.=” Anyway, I dance forward slowly with dancemoves and get up-close to them.. When I’m there, did several sexy dancing on them without touching them yet seems almost touching them, anywhere..

Nothing much that night.. Was pretty drunk and wasn’t in the mood for companionships.. When I reached home, almost concuss immediately.. =.=” And I remembered something intrigue.. I wonder why the hell did I introduced myself as Derek to the ladies.. =.=”

20^th July 2007

Finally back from ICT. Pretty much expected that it gonna be a chalet of relaxation wasting our time but a time to gather friends. =) See the changes of each and everyone.. Time flies. Enlistment for army was half a decade ago… I’m already at Cat Y.. Oh, age is catching up and nothing done yet.. As usual, at night everyone is ‘reporting strength’ whereas I tucked in early since I decided to keep away from the world.. Inevitable, she’s been asked... =.=” Nothing much mentioned, not worth being mentioned. Some knows, some dun.. But who cares.. Edwin again gave me another compliment of my past.. Doesn’t matters coz it’s the past.

Pretty pissed that I had to take bus.. Luckily got Chan with me.. Haha.. Damn next ICT I will comfirm have my bike. =D

13^th July 2007

Shag.. Every mth estimated 64hrs of OT on top of the 44hrs/wk. Son of a bitch, i'm a workaholic.. No choice I guess.. $900 salary per mth, gotta be like that.. =.=

Some ppl very funny. When i'm not working, kept pestering and nagging me to go work while I wanna rot my life away.. Now that i'm working my life away, kept pestering and nagging me not to overwork myself.. Life's a bitch. Forever no one is satisfied no matter what.. Life's sux.

Suddenly thought of joy today.. =.= How the hell does that happened..? How possible I had those past memories in my head..? Zzzzzz..

Not even half settled a mountain, another mountain coming.. Haiz.. Stupid ICT gonna take away almost$500 away from me for not able to report to work for 5days.. Wah kao and will give me that useless amount of money as compensation. Pui. $500 exchange for $100. I rather go work 12hrs daily instead of that ICT which gonna be chalet in camp for the 5days.. I dun need leisure nor relaxation..

These few days the devil and the angel kept attacking me.. Almost lead me to public confession.. Really want it meh..? I seriously shld not be like that..? Am I wrong in the 1st place..? Wouldn't that be the same as the frozen..? Delusions that mislead me to gateway to solitary with extreme self mental torment..? If were to reveal, there's gonna be a big risk in doing so.. And this blog of 100+ posts had to be deleted for good or be abandoned for good.. Begone and for forever till eternity.. Never to turn my head to eat the grass behind me and I mark my words unlike most who merely said something for the sake saying.. Anyway, I shall put it on hold for the time being..

Till now still no one to prove my logic wrong, and I had to clear myself of that.. Friendships last forever, relationships do not. Well, i'm wrong about this too.. It's all bullshit. Coz friendships will not last forever either.. Each and every of us had our own life, own problems. Not everyone will always be there, ready and available.. I said jasmine knows me the best but now leh? Nothing much, nothing heard, only the usual stuffs.. I said celena was one of my closest friend, well she was too busy with her work as well as time for her guy too.. Priority calls, I understand nor do I blame.. =) Got another whom I said she understand me too well juz like a worm in my stomach.. It's been mths since we last contact I guss.. Drift and drift, drift wherever the waves bring.. This is nature, this is life.. So, since even friends can become distant, why the fear of losing after rs? If u destined to lose it, u will lose it eventually.. Would u rather let a knot to be undone/untouched and live in regrets for eternity..? U never try, u never get the answer. Life's like a box of chocolates, u will never know what kind of chocolates u will get till u open it.

Though I did mentioned 'same'. That doesn't really mean anything nor everything. Some of the treatments might be the same, but not entirely.. Though similar, there's still a big different.. The big different is that, I loved her. Dun think u would get my meaning either. =.= Forget it. If u still dun wake up your ideas, u might lose it for good.. My sis is different becoz she's my sis.

There's only one person left who will never fails to make me laugh and laugh along with me. Mere words of teaser, mere words of sweet-nothings, mere words of suan-ing, mere words of anything, mere words of everything. We can juz go gaga and laughing our ass off.. Lol.. Seems that so far so good.. Haha.. Shall see. Where's our clubbing sessions?

I'm tired talking/communicating with stupid gals. Non-intellectual talks turn me off and piss me off even more with nonsensical brainless stuffs. I wonder do all stupid gals use their boobs to think. Wah kao. Disgusting. Already so small, use to think also no use.

I'm feeling it. Again? Haha.. Bored already? I felt it. There's no way a leopard can change its spots. =X Anyway, pretty normal lah. Haha.. It doesn't really matters at all. Coz if these shits dun happen, u are not the gal that I knew. So juz be urself and juz do it. =D Be scandalous, be daring. Juz like Nike, juz do it. =) lolx.. =P

Jeanette, where are you now? How are you getting on? =( Think grace also no longer in contact with her.. Think ben also no longer in contact with grace.. It's been almost a decade since she last went into Girls' Home.. Isn't there any way to find back her..? Only if that time I insisted her to come over Jurong to stay with me.. Haiz.. It's my fault.. My incapabilities.. =(

Jeanette & Grace, juz like Ruyou & Danlin.. Seems similar to me..

This ain’t no Déjà vu. =.=”

Crazy wx in progess

"The number you had dialed is no longer in service" =.=" Expected and see it coming. Lolx.. No comments.. Only 3 person contacting me now i guess. Tracy, yuxiang and my sis.. Anyway, 75% of the time i will not pick up the call.. Haha.. At home? Only 20% of the time i will hear it rings. Lolx..

Started working liao is like that one. This new job is very regimental.. No hp, no mp3, no cameras, no cigarettes, no lighters, no laptops, no thumbdrives, no diskettes, etc. Anyway, will get charged if i were to smuggle any of these in.. =.=" I'm working from 7.30am till 7pm for monday to thursdays. 8am to 5pm on fridays and saturdays and sometimes sundays too. Yeah, i'm working the life outta me.. Well, both my starhub lines got cut, starhub internet got cut, M1 line got barred(maybe cut already), water bills pending to be stopped too, singtel and singnet pressing me too. Well yeah the world is collapsing on me and there's no one else but me, myself and i. Not even my parents and sister. Lolx as if they are able to help when they can't even save their own asses..

Actually small amout only lah, roughly $2500 i think. =) Small issues.. Then today came back had a fight with him again. I almost farking wacked him. Ccb. Farking wanna talk about death, just jump off the farking building and that will solve it. Dun farking talk big. 20th floor only. Balls to you. Fuck you. Damn it, looking at the state i might die earlier than him. This job of mine had been deteriorating my health due to harmful substances and threatening my life with unseen dangers. I might just die due to an accident any day. What the hell is that job, u ask? It's a dangerous job, that's all i can say. Pardon me for unable to reveal anything any further. Had been thinking abt death lately but still being cautious at work lah.. Had so much reflections.. Lolx.. Maybe my time is really up.. 4 and a half year more i thought? I did said i will only able live till 30 ah.. =.=" Lolx i think so much for fuck, it's almost time. haha

My basic pay here is $900 per mth and i rejected an offer of $1400 at sim lim square and another offer of $1300 at HP. Why chose a high risk and lower pay job? Coz i dun want my life anyway.. Well, it's true partially.. =) I'm sick of the world, i'm sick of my life, i'm sick of everyone and i'm even sick of the game now. Lags and more lags. Getting more and more like A3. I see it coming. The future is near and it's telling me that i shld stop my clock now.. Can i kill him before i go..? That's my greatest wish i guess! Waahhahahaha!! And he just made me hate my ex even more. Well, he hated her as well. =.=" If i'm gonna kill, i dun mind killing a few more... Yes my hatelist. The three of them. They are such a waste to live and dwell on earth wasting resources. Let us all go to hell.. I love playing with fire..

Ok i had cooled down a bit though the weather is freaking humid and not failing to keep me getting irritated by the slightest thing. I'm looking at the near future.. Trying to visualise some stuffs.. I'm smiling even when i sleep.. lolx.. Lyn shld know... Haha.. It's no longer a dream i guess.. Hehe..

I'm really sorry that my dog really eats strangers.. Chill, honey.. Hope u would understand.. I guess not, so forget it then.. No one understands me anyway. Lolx.. I will not let you come no matter what.. Unless i'm dead lah, then u can pay me a last visit.. ^^

YankeeX is so hard to lvl up.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. It's taking forever to catch up with Weixing.. =.=" Now only lvl 41, need to rush to lvl 42.. =.=" Aiyo slow poke leh.. I thought shld be faster since there's a scout.. Scout is still useless IMO. LOLX. Yes i hate medics.. =.= Now in my guild no one dare PvP me.. WTF lor.. Only get to PvP those whose lvls are lower than me. There's this Poker, Feng, Pallmall, Vigour, Runeus, Bloodknight. These peeps are almost the same lvls as me and yet dare not pvp. WTF. This game is not all about lvls. Fuck you understand. PvP is to increase your skills in fighting and controlling your freaking characters! Big fuck even if you are higher lvl than me. Pui! Pui! Pui! Pui! Pui! Useless bums of asses. Not happy? Come challenge me then! I wait you. Be it ingame or RL. Just come.