Slacker..

Slack at home whole day on my off day.. Mind in a blank not wanting to go anywhere nor wanting to meet anyone.. Coz i'm juz being lazy.. Nua leh.. Yes i'm quite nua.. But no one knows it's my off day lah so no dates lor..

Wanted to go see 2a bikes de.. Lazy leh. lolx.. Though i really like sportsbikes, i guess i will still go for cruiser.. Get sporty and dun chiong seems like a waste of money.. Then if chiong, will put life at stake.. Siao meh.. If it's car, i will really consider racing lor.. Dun let me get the Integra.. Roar!

Even though i'm attached i'm as good as unattached coz i'm not the kind who will go around telling ppl i'm attached.. But when asked, i will not hide the truth.. Most impt is not love but life.. Living to enjoy life not love coz love is part of life. Everything starts with 'me'. If without 'me', there's nothing else are impt. If 'me' dun wan anything, u give me everything also pointless.. Juz being random.. lolx..

I guess Matt is rather upset as well as disappointed but wat to do? That's life and that's reality.. Reality is cruel and it's the fact that doesn't change forever.. Even if his goal is the same as mine, there's no way i can let him happy.. Coz this is not something to be given even to friends.. Unless both parties are willing parties then of coz i will let go.. Juz like that incident few yrs back.. Even though both of us are willing parties but we are not meant to be that's why that guy able to marry her.. If it's not becoz of the circumstances, there's no way i will let him win me. It's total nonsense that he had won.. But anyway, that's history.

Reality is really cruel.. If not why when we are born, we have to cry.. I believe when i die, i will smile.. Juz like many of my love ones leaving one after another.. Yeah this is my life's inevitable events.. There's no turning back but to walk on.

Found Marilyn in my friendster!! =D But i too shy to hit on her leh.. ZzzZzzZzzZzz.. Sigh.. Looking forward to the next meeting bah.. Can only see see from faraway. Sad.. I mean i juz wan her as friend lah. What u all thinking?!?! $&#$%&$%^&*% Seems like she's attached.. Good.. No wonder i'm attracted.. Lolx..

Yest rain is really cold.. Very cold.. Plus those words ringing.. Does all good things eventually will comes to an end..?

NaNa~~

Juz back from nana juz opposite my house with a little drenched due to the heavy rain despite the shelter.. =.=" Tequila and Martell.. Omg.. How i hate the teq smell.. Reminds me of that time at chalet with a broken heart and total goner from massive teq pops.. And then puke like nobody business.. And the smell of after puking is totally yucky..

The day before was with richard and steven and desmond and chua at BQ.. Went Millions with a barrel then to whiskey bar with a martell and 13 jugs of beer.. =.=" All beer craze.. zzzzz.. It was desmond bday and he was almost a goner.. At the very end, instead of sending him to his grave, i was disturbing him by asking him to 'da' lime juice.. Half half of coz.. Then richard came in for revenge by holding a jug of beer and said half half to me.. I was like knn i'm trying to get him to be sober and someone else wants me drunk. In fit of anger i challenged him to a jug of pure coke and we ended up in a huge quarrel.. The two cute waitress even got scolded by me for being slow in getting the coke.. I was really outta control that i vent my anger.. But both ended up ok in the end and i still managed to ride home.. =.=" Sunday still got one massive de by richard coz it's his bday.. wtf.. die die die..

Been drinking so much this mth.. Haiz.. So bad for health.. Think i should do something more healthy.. Maybe i shld join cel in her california fitness.. lolx..

Anyway, class 2A coming soon in less than a mth.. Guess when i pass it, high chance that i will trade up my TZM for a Superfour spec 1.. No point for spec 3 if i really intend to get picanto.. Vios seems a bit too big and dun really feel comfortable with it if i'm driving it.. But hey my TZM wasn't small for a 2B bike.. =.=" Think will be taking both together when the time comes..

To let go or to hold on, it's a tough choice for both.. She knows that i dun easily find a gal even though i can be that shui bian and can kiss her on the dancefloor at dbl-o that time.. Even though we are juz friends.. In fact, simply dunno why i feel i can trust her for now though at times my mind still went wild.. I really dun like a partner with nite life.. 1 is enuff and the history repeats.. Damn.. Hope she can juz leave her aunt's shop and finds her own..

Still rmb that the 1st time the two of us are alone in a room and nothing goes wrong.. We did not 'zuo cuo shi'.. We got so conservative meh..? I mean, i can be shui bian but not fan jian lor.. Somemore that time we both have had sake(jap beer) in us.. Jiu hui luan xing, but it's all up to individual lor..

The future is cloudy and i will leave it to fate.. Coz i did promised her that i will never do her wrong. When it's time to let go, will let go. This is an agreement we had for both as a commitment.. I'm sure she's more afraid of me doing wrong then she herself do wrong.. Coz i'm a guy and i dun really lose out.. She dun squander on me either.. Compared to several FTs that i had seen, she's still among the best.. At least non materialistic. Though at times i still will anyhow think.. Afterall i'm a human lor.. Blood and flesh lor.. Got feelings de lor..

My fave is not MICs but this one is a special case.. Unlike those in clubs and pubs, so complicated and in fact realistic plus materialistic. At least that's wat i've seen.. So many dancers at nana today and many had the looks plus great bodies.. But i dun feel 'clean' with any of those.. Frankly, to choose them, i rather go home slp, alone. Be it thai, MICs or sg.. I mean those that i do not know at all..

Got to know another called Stacey from Martin at Boatquay.. It's a pub named Martin.. Not very nice looking plus no figure but she can sing close to my ears by tilting her head towards me.. Though not splendid but ok lah, i'm very shui bian de.. A little warm will open me up.. Any gals can easily get close to me.. But none seems to really understands me.. Maybe the sign of water is really hard to catch.. But i'm a pure Aquarius.. It's juz me, myself and i..

Hiya

Lolx i think i really becoming a Nemo.. =.=" Adam 1st time call me that when i entered courts then now become everyone also call me that lol.... Nemo is a protected fish, for ppl to view not meant for eating... What it does is swim here swim there... Lolx..... Lame...

Think this mth will hit target i guess.. It's all about luck.. If this outlet really good then why Dave left? If this outlet no good then why Steven stays so long? Haiz.. Furthermore, the more the earnings, the more outgoing also..

That day when coming down from food court, a fat promotor suddenly say hi to me, scareded me a while.. I mean i'm here for almost 3mths liao then wats with the sudden? Then the samsung and epson also getting more friendly.. =.=" This is bad.. This doesn't really mean anything lah, juz that i dun need such things.. I only want sales or rather only her have more time with me.. The rest not really impt..

In fact coming to finding a partner, i'm really very anything de.. Haha.. But maybe too anything also no good lah.. Coz everytime when not intending to find another, more roads open up.. When really finding one keenly, none open up.. I'm always more attracted to same size as me de gals.. But dunno why always got attached to bigger size than me de.. Lolx.. Not really a bad thing bah.. Like means like, there's no why.. Though always easily shaken, also easily satisfied if u know how to go about it lah..

Actually i'm really feeling sad.. Juz quite empty.. Hollowness.. That's why when someone put in something, it can feel quite something.. Something warming.. But i'm yet to commit something wrong.. Haiz..

Jinlun came back from Sweden liao.. Last week went makan with the guys then mentioned on going on prawning.. Heard many times on prawning but never went once.. Haha.. So near my workplace and so near YX's home.. Maybe one fine day will go with the guys bah.. lolx..

Shag...

Finally met up liao but that din mark my day. Things din go as expected.. So near yet so far.. Things are planned swee swee but always din go the way.. Maybe, it really takes two hands to clap.. Too much of myself i guess..

When they are talking outside, i yearn to learn wat's the topic.. Instead of going out to hear, i simply drink drank drunk and act bochap.. Juz carry on drinking my martell and beer, pretending i din see anything and appeared i din see anything.. Purposely down so many glasses of mixture till so high.. Did i not trust him and her? Or i really did trust him and her? To be frank, everyone seems like strangers to me.. I felt so alone that i put my walls up high.. Defending, trying to hold back everything and stuff myself in a bottle.. Celly always said dun do that coz one day i might juz broke down and malfunction.. Well, maybe that's me myself and i...

I juz felt helpless and something words do get stucked in the throat.. Communication is the key but i do not have the key..

Dawn told me to stay strong and have faith.. Juz like how she did and is doing.. Never to give up so easily despite the hollowness, emptiness and faithless.. Walls are still being built though but not let go.. Some says holding on is strong, maybe it's juz letting go. Bullshit, she says.. Contradicting leh..

To focus on work, so many stress and politics... So tiring..
To focus on home, so many problems.. So tiring..
To focus on friends, so many fakes.. So tiring..
To focus on love, so many questions and doubts.. So tiring..

I no longer knowing what to do or what i should do.. Feeling like backpacking and go taiwan alone.. At least there is safe lah, not that i dun wanna go elsewhere.. Simply running away for awhile where no one knows me, no one finds me, no one contacts me..

I cut my hair till super short again.. It's always when something happens then i would do that.. But anyway, short is better lah.. Coz at least after using my helmet, hair not so messy.. Maybe i shld maintain it this way..

Yesterday was a flop day.. Went to Millions and open a bottle worth $188 while waiting for Jason, Brandon, Jo, Jess, Alicia, Richard, Desmond and Steven. Alicia came 1st then Brandon and Jo. When Desmond came, ordered a barrel for them.. Smoking with Alicia and brandon outside then jess came. After that Jason came and awhile later Richard came.. Steven came last and he din recognised me when i'm smoking outside.. haha.. After the gathering and massive drinking and mix here and there plus a little lousy pool, i see Alicia to the cab then took a stroll to Nana and meet up with the rest. Kelvin Toh is there waiting for us.. Thai disco is not a place for me afterall... Though music is ok lah.. The place is so familiar to me that brings back memories.. Yeah, Devil's Bar memories.. Not memories of Alicia though but the bunch of gals.. Not only the bunch but also with Erica and Celly and one more gal but i forgot the name..

The future is not important to me anymore and i dun wanna care anymore as well.. Live and let live. Can only take a step and see a step..

We had always tried to match the two up and that guy always mess things up.. Too many points to minus liao.. When he sees a rival, immediately withdraw bit by bit.. I did told him that luckily i'm not his rival, if not i will be an even stronger rival.. Having said that, his friend really thought that i wanna snatch the gal away from them.. Coz she saw me being quite close to that gal at Chamber 82.. I told him off that day. He can talk so freely to his lady friend and yet he is wordless to that gal.. 1st time nia mah, also no need to be so gan jiong.. Juz be urself lor, get it or not juz leave it to fate.. Even if doesn't get, it doesn't mean the end of the world.. Juz like my current rs, if it's gonna fail, the globe still spins and doesn't wait for me..

Today is another sunless day.. Cloudy, windy, rainy.. Suit my mood.. Gonna be lazy today..

Dunk Drank Drink

Today seems to have a bit too much from access room.. I was about to type sassy bar.. =.= Seems totally gone.. Anyway, sudden got to urge for some noisy music.. Think i had a bit too much on ktv pubs.. Time to go back to dbl-o..

The feeling of loud beat with the martell kicking in.. Shiok... Maybe with some other drunk gals to see.. Haha... Anyway, talking abt that.. There was a new promotor on my side at the bdd counter.. I mean digital counter.. Indeed quite cute.. On sat when i walk past there, immediate captivated by her smile when i saw her smile.. At me maybe lolx.. Ok she's juz being friendly.. Oh i thot i smiled at her first? o.O But then, i still did not have a chance to talk to her.. Or maybe i juz dun dare anymore.. Was it the ring that is holding me back or watever heck.. But who cares.. Samsung suddenly started to ask names.. Though today was the first day i spoke to her for the first time.. But well, too young for me.. I dun need another 'ex-bitch'.. I mean someone like her in terms of age not figure coz this tiny whiny got neither looks nor figure.. Jessie much better than her.

Sales came rolling in pretty good and smoothly but target still seems unreachable.. Too little stocks or no confidence in closing? Been stressing in clearing old stocks to be frank.. Haiz.. Spent too much time in packing.. ZZZZZZZZZ..

In fact there's quite a num of choices out there.. But i can't seems to trust any.. Was it a darkness that haven't goes away? Or was it that fate is not up yet? But no matter what, she is someone that i can safely trust, despite the emptiness that i felt and having.. Even though several weeks or even mths that i had last seen her, i feel that i can still trust her.. How come the feeling is so mutual..? Thought it shld be getting thinner and thinner then goes to naught? Frankly, i'm tired.. No strength and time to really do wat i wanted to do.. Even though i got the money and time, i juz dun feel so.. I even rejected a niteclub session that bound to be fun.. Damn wat's got into me..?

Think i'm really settling down my heart liao.. Wildful no more and playful no more.. Maybe it's better this way.. Seeing her with no more complains seems good.. Maybe it's hidden well behind her high walls.. Anyway, i would not know any of these.. Coz i'm juz a small fly.. Not the 'left-hand, right-hand' like before.. Ya, time flies and paper grows thinner.. I'm not even a paper..

Came across cel's webby lately and found that she's back into singlehood.. But nothing has changed coz she is still she and i'm still me, myself and i. Time is not the same as before liao.. Haha.. I'm also no longer the wx that most know.. Coz i'm Rick now.. But still why so many ppl call me Ricky...? #$%#$@#$!@# Hahaha..

Shag liao.. Time to sleep.. Still got to do report later in the morning.. =.= Nite. Sweet dreams. Dun let the mosquitoes bite, juz let me bite. Wahahahahaha~~ Duh.

Cloudy? Sunny? Stormy? Windy?

We dun have 4 seasons.. Sad... Ok juz being random.. lolx..

Was asked how come i did not change gf.. That question did not flash my mind.. No matter the weather, juz let it be.. Anyway, it's juz like as if i do not have one and i dun have to commit my time to anyone.. No need to go shopping, no need to go movies, no need to go find excitment. Shopping? Huiying volunteer accompany me go since my gf dun have the time for me. Movies? Waste money leh.. Later i sleep in the cinema how..? Anyway, no rushing to catch show lor.. I got SCV aka cable tv. Very soon the show will be in my tv, juz matter of time.. Excitment? I got my sales challenges.. Brain cells burning for the sake of that..

Everyone is saying reccession but who cares? My job is to get ppl to take out money and buy the computer for their essential needs. I'm not a finanicial planner nor banker. Helping ppl save money is not in my dictionary. I only want ppl to fork out their money to buy the things they need. Frankly i'm not being evil. If in the 1st time dun even come into my shop to see computers, why would i want to push sales? If got heart to see means got heart to buy. Can kill wrong cannot let go. Fail to secure a deal means a big thing. I'm no longer in NEC so the criteria is different. Too high basic pay plus no target with no motivation. Now is different. Too low basic pay plus too high target with super a lot pressure from all staffs thus i had to set my high standard. For company good, for own good. Money is not everything but everything is money.

Took train for two days, found that it is so relaxing and saved so much per mth if gonna calculate.. Wat i'm losing out is sleep but sleep is really not very impt.. Juz becoz of sleeping a little longer can caused me losing several thousands of sales.. Might consider selling off my bike since it's more dangerous and have to pay more for transport every mth.. Uncle still ask me to go take car.. He juz wan a ride home coz he staying redhill... But then hor, his pay is abt 4 to 5 times of my pay and he never even wanted a car.. I'm already trying to learn like him and he's luring me to temptations.. Haha..

Uncle dun wear gold chain nor gold rings nor gold watch.. That is when he is working.. That day at D & D, his rolex worth more than $30k... His golden spectacles cost at least $500 i think.. His gold chain doesn't look cheap either.. But at work, he look like a typical uncle who earning $1500 per mth.. But who can believe he can hit 10 times more?

Thinking of that, my leather shoes really need to change liao... But i dun feel a need for it even though it is torn.. The diamond in my ring is a fake but i dun feel a need for luxury.. My bag is so worn out and old.. But still can use ah, why the heck do i need a LV? My pen keep on losing one after another, but why the heck do i need a Mont Blanc? All these are juz materials that will fade. Why so stupid waste money? I dun understand.. I can buy a brand new shirt juz specially for Brandon's wedding and wear it for only once. But i dun really need anymore clothings coz i dun even have much chances to wear them..

Anyway, when doing sales if u look rich and smart, that doesn't mean ppl will definitely buy ur product.. It's the service that u gonna provide and the neccessary info that customer needs when he intends to buy. Simple, juz tell him this this and this. He might juz buy it since everything mentioned fit what he needs. Whatever. Juz like when u serve him/her several times and no responds then simple let go coz another fish might be on ur way. Waste no time coz time is too short.. I always got not enuff time to hit my personal target.. Quite a few times short of a few sets.. I swore to surpass my payout and beat it every mth. At least i try and if i fail, i did not let myself down.. If it's not gonna kill u for trying so hard, it will make u stronger. Think the tension in the arena is great but Acer is still doing well. Gotta try harder.. I cannot be 2nd in place ah... Coz pay is 4 times lesser is miserable.. At least 2 times less i can still take it.. Wtf with the payout for a mid-rank staff but among the highest payout. 2yrs younger than me and his cpf is maxed out and no need to contribute cpf coz too much money liao exceed limit liao for his age.. wtf wtf wtf..

Motivation..

Lately been like crazy.. Trying to aim $20k sales per day. lolx... But i'm really serious abt that.. Coz my pay is way too pathetic and not up to my requirements. I think i'm really hungry.. Compare to those staffs i'm really earning peanuts.. Working here is an entirely total diff enmity and everyone forever seems so hungry.. When the sales going good i wanna strive for the best.. Anyway, juz like wat Acer says, all the way till the EOY is gonna be my branding.. Since everything is to my benefit as well as staffs benefit, why not juz close deals to the max? Since everyone is so hungry, why not? When mixing around with 5-digit ppl, gonna always feel hungry.. Enough is never enough.

Took MRT to work and back.. The journey is so slow-paced while the ppl around me are like rushing for time.. However, when my engine started at work everything is so fast-paced and i feel energetic and made me almost wanted to close everyone i see, no matter PK or MSN or NAP. $20k per day during high tide can be achieved with the right mindset. 6days more to go till new spif. Gonna close deal like every customer is so rich, machiam comfirm deal for every customer served. No time to waste much. Want to buy juz come sit down and open invoice. 5-10min close deal shld not be too hard i believe, from wat i had seen.

Where's my cheese?

Pay got delayed. Sian 1/2.. Courts D & D on Wed nite.. Was being jio to go drink and maybe go TNN a bit.. Reluctantly agreed coz thinking wanting to ration a bit this mth.. Need to pull connections.. Bo bian leh.. Lolx.. PR..

Wasn't much into beer but still those are beer-drinkers... Haiz.. Try my best lor.. Juz now drank a bit with them at coffeeshop.. Then rode home. Still sober lah so quite ok.. Anyway, weekdays are fine..

Told her pay did not come in then totally no respond. Ok lor, u do wat u like. MYOB then. Pissed.

Time to sleep. Maybe later sentosa. Haha..

Ration-ing..

Sian this mth gotta ration again.. How long does the ration-ing gonna end.. Maybe i shld set it to long term.. Spending habits getting outta hand.. All earnings will be going to nowhere..

I spur out my plannings.. Sh1t. Shld not have done that.. But no point crying over spilled beans.. Anyway, those are facts that i stated.. Since i'm useless, i'm not needed at all so as well i leave.. Anyway, i mean no harm nor threat.. Neither like nor dun like.. People comes and goes in all walks of life. This is nature and nature is everchanging. It's not like taking pictures and moments last forever.. For, nothing is forever.. Even though i'm dead, i will not be forever etched in everyone.. That's the cruel reality.

Sales pretty bad this week.. The 1st week and 5th week of this mth are critical.. Need to do 60k per week. This wk only 39k... However, the 5th week got no weekends.. Very xiong.. Maybe cannot hit target again.. lolx.. But i cannot let that happened.. Gotta buck up.. While the spif still going on gonna pia all the way and hit over if not will die cock stand again.. Somemore roadshow again this mth.. My roadshow performance pretty sucky.. damn it.. It's almost an impossible target.. Like that i do so much also gana deduct 20% pay. Sian.. Still better than previous though..

The aftermath

Not really an aftermath. Nothing much really. I think i was given too much space. Lolx.. Dunno am i fortunate or unfortunate.. Starting to see no clear sky, no future.

In fact getting mutual is common and normal.. I juz dun understand why muz there be a 'honeymoon period' of 6wks-6mths.. Thought shld be ever-lasting? It's about a lifetime not a period of time..

Izzit because i'm fan qian and i sought for too much? I've been thinking that she seems so bo chap.. Nan de off day can happily arrange go malaysia. Ok lor.. Anyway, did told her that will be going to drink on that day. She wan to come or not is her problem liao.. Once time's up i will wan to go to another place after the drinking i guess. I need some fresh air from the sea breeze.. Or maybe going to somewhere where only guys go.. See my mood i think... Maybe i shld jio Erica, Huiwen and Kimli as well.. I seriously dun like the feeling of emptiness..

Yesterday was Brandon's wedding dinner, not going so well from what i see though everything finish off smoothly.. Reasons being said that are, not well planned enough, not coordinating enough, no good management of the entire thing.. Luckily i act as a backup drinker coz everyone dun really knows me and i will stand in when everyone cannot already.. That kelvin still wanna jio to drink somemore but when i stand in he back out liao.. Wtf.. Full bottle of Martell waiting leh.. Actually i dun intend to force him but he's way too much in asking ppl to drink yet onself dun drink lor.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. But anyway, all's well.. Nick really wishes to stay in Vivo that's y he go all out to drink till he himself cannot make it.. Well, when wanna do something for someone, it's better to let him see it himself.. But ok lah, at least there are ppl to help inform the recipent..

Found out that my pay was pretty pathetic for last mth.. But still, it's better than it was in NEC.. Juz that i'm asking for too much.. Anyway, gotta aim for at least 5sets per day worth 2k ea.. Target is so high but it can be achieved.. Since now my brand is the only ones with super high spif, gotta make it fly over the weekly target before everything turns on me.. With spif, auto-run is being enabled so i had to be double up my performance on my individual sales so that i can achieve double sales daily so as to cover back for the end mth downfall.. With the promo on, selling 2k notebooks aren't a big issue but still gotta pick up some small fishes..

Toking abt fishes.. I'm trying to learn from those ppl in there.. Earning 8k monthly as an average but he only drinks plain tap water and $4 meal a day.. He dun go for golden watch nor latest mobile, less the branded clothings.. I mean, even with 8k salary person he can be so 'cat' that eats big fishes, he can be so thrifty.. He can do an instant payment for another colleague for a 54" Plasma.. I was like, OH MY GOD. That was more than 3 times of my salary, 10k. Maybe his bank account over shot till 6-digit liao... Cash money.. So wat everyone sees him as a poor farker with torn shirts and normal watch and no-brand shoe. Btw, he took mrt. Not he cannot afford but it's a waste of money to him..

Single or attached, no different. Most probably, i shld make myself known as single status from now on. Coz this way will open up more rooms, more choices. The choice being made may not the best choice but when more choices to be seen, the choice might be the best or other choices are even better.. So long never do anything wrong, my conscience is clear.