Another nite of drinking..

Supposed to meet up with colleagues to Nana, so he jio all to go. Got ah qiang, keith and weihong too. Told them to call me when reaching. Around 10.15pm odd, Qiang called and ask me where am i. He said that they are on the way already, so ok lor i also juz stepped out of the bathroom only.. So in abt 20min i reached nana, called keith but weihong answered saying keith driving home 1st almost reaching home. =.= Call Qiang and he said he still at Serangoon, on the way liao. Wtf. I was still excited abt having such a large group of ppl coming out together. Knn. Told Qiang i gave both group 15min. Either one came and i will be cool. If not u all can slowly take ur time liao..

So, time's up and off i'm gone. Got 2 choices either go home straight or go boat quay. Called up jes and she said she also feel like going boat quay, then ok lor off to boat quay. Ken and Qiang called, told them to slowly no need to rush since i'm in the cab liao. Reached whiskey and at there almost quarrel with ken. I insist i dun wan go back nana and told them to carry on themselves and he insist that if i'm not going back then they aren't gonna carry on. Here and there, here and there. In the end, they are coming down to boat quay. At 1st jes dun wanna come liao when i told her my colleagues joining. lolx.. But she's already at Istana there liao..

Think we drank till abt 3+.. Can't really rmb.. I only know jes sent me home de.. Ya i was super drunk already.. Also dunno why i drink so much.. =.=" Now still feeling alcohol in me..

Zombie Brain

Been so brain-dead the whole day.. Did so many wrong things and said so many wrong things..

Yest Jasline's sms i saw too late so no reply coz dun wanna disturb her beauty sleep. Yet today morning told her i slept liao. Wrong reply. Mentioned my compaq lappy is for my poly, in fact its my acer for my poly, compaq is after ns. Wrong words.

Today met Jason for sentosa. Discussing abt our company, mentioned each taking 20% rest goes to company to build up. Thinking of it now, 20% of 30k GP will yields $600. Eat grass ah? Talk without using brain.

Today sms-chat with karen. She mentioned quitting her 5-days-work sales job then going for a long break.. Replied jokingly asking if she's gonna get married.. =.= What an under statement from the foolish me..

Slept 2hrs only and so many things to do today makes me cockup.. =.=" So unprofessional being the usual me..

Yest went whiskey with jes, adrain and panasonic promotor. Drank till 6am.. =.=" Went for prata before heading home.. Slight rain when leaving.. Reached home around 7am.. Slept and got woke up by jason's call. Oh yeah sentosa.. Extremely tired and exhausted but still i am a sucker for tanning, relaxation, pool, singing and games.. Dragged myself to wash up then proceed to vivo when we take tram. No sun at the Palawan Beach!!! Told jason that since no sun as well go soak water.. I love swimming.. Last time always went Gordon's condo for swim at the pool weekly with zhiqian.. Jason doesn't like to swim but still cannot resist seeing me having fun relaxing with the waves.. Haha.. Think he got bitten by something. Damn suay.. His arm pain and a bit reddish.. Laze around till abt 2pm+ then we washed up and returned to vivo.. Nothing much to see at beach anywhere.. Lolx..

Went for subway.. Both of us 1st time eating.. 6-inch or footlong, we dunno which is smaller... Lolx so went for footlong! BIG!! >.< And jason managed to stuff it all in. =.=" While i left with one or two bites.. At there i switched on my HP MINI MAC and watched Drag Me To Hell trailer.. Power... A pity Jasline dun watched horror shows.. Jason jio go watch Transformer. Great.

Returned home thereafter to get my bike then back to vivo to meet up with Jasline. =) Went see see what shows available, and decided on AVM 3D. Both of us never watched 3D before anyway.. Haha.. Jessie suggested we should watch Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.. =.=" 1st time come out with such an innocent gal, ask me watch (PG/Sexual References) show. ZzZzZzZz.. After buying tix, headed for swensen. Realised both of us love vanilla.. Lolx.. Was kinda slight late for show after dessert but still managed to be on time before the show starts. Nice show except for the pain in neck for both of us due to 1st row seats.. Lolx.. After show went shopping a little since i'm looking for a watch and time is not due yet for my practical also.. Both of us actually aim the same watch by Nautica.. Quite expensive and not advisible to get as my job can be quite rough at times.. If i doing office job then i might buy coz really nice and unique..

Headed for my practical and completed my stage 3 finally. Last 2 stages liao.. Shld be able to make it in time.. Headed home thereafter but kinda drizzling so went very slow on the road even on AYE.. Scared.. Lolx.. Tired.

Suddenly recalled that time when the chapter closed and when i'm on my way to bbdc, i shouted and screamed while riding on that long stretch of road to let off the emo inside.. =.=" I'm fine liao.. No need to do that anymore..

Yest at whiskey, vicky suddenly asked for my name. =.=" Jessie said my eyes kept on glued onto her whenever she walked past our table.. Erm, did i..? Lolx.. I was admiring her tattoo on her arm lah...

Pay was delayed for Apr.. =.=" Count wrong move and lent out some money.. Lolx.. Luckily i dun spent much nowadays.. Think shld be able to tahan another one and a half mth.. Seems like everyone is owing me money.. Usually its always the other way round.. All my best buds and close friends knew what kind of situations i'm in ever since i finished army.. Debts and more bad debts.. Always me to borrow from ppl and advance pay taking from bosses... Every mth always not enuff use de.. I wonder why now is the other way round while i'm still inside the hole yet to really recup everything.. But no matter what i had to build up for that needy in 1yr 8mths.. Need tons of cash while levelling my hole at the same time.. Tough but have to be ongoing... Tough times dun last, tough ppl do.. I believe i can do it.. Xiong though..

PcShow..

Tired... 10days of road show at cwp then head direct to suntec.. Xiong.. 1st day totally no mood to chiong... At least 2nd day better... But overall sales still bad... Sigh..

Today evening she called me, too busy talking to cust and also dun really feel like picking up lah.. Last time i will never missed to ans her calls whether busy or not.. When i'm free in abt an hr time, went smoke and called her back.. Asked her she called me for what, then she said nothing much. Juz here and there trying to show some friendship concern like dinner eat liao mah then i said no time to eat then asked me to see if i can quickly go grab a bite or something.. Din care much by replying no time.. Actually there's nothing to talk abt.. I wonder she called for what.. As if i so free like that.. I admit i was cold but well, there's a limit to how much one can endure and further more there's nothing to talk abt. Want to tell me how blissful she and he are going on? Heck. I never even thought of giving her any calls since the 4D thingy.

Simple, when i felt that whatever i do and not being appreciated, i will juz snapped. Even though friends. I'm saying whoever and not juz abt her. She's not my world. Everyone are my world.

Saw Rebecca Wong at the pcshow.. That time at Expo she working as cylon promotor and bought a F2235 from me, we still in contact though. This time she's working for standard chart and ask me to sign up for her.. =.=" Already got liao leh.. Lolx.. Cute and pretty as usual.. =D 1st day i walked past her and din see her then she msg me and scold me say din go over to say hi.. lolx.. Really din see mah.. =P

Jasline also working at the pcshow.. That time in march she bought a DV3605TX from me, still in contact. 1st day called her liao to check on her.. =X She's working 6th floor as a Cylon promotor.. O.O Today before 12 she came over to my booth to say hi then i saw her eating so i disturb her and opened my mouth instantly.. Lolx.. Cute as before.. =P

Yest nite before going back home, headed over to boat quay 7-11 to buy cigarettes and milk. When i came out, saw two gals coming in and all 3 of us stopped... She said i'm very 'shou' to her then i told her not to eat me up.. lolx.. Then we all laughed.. Both of us said forgot already so we smiled and walked our way.. How come got chio bu but i can dun rmb de?? o.O That's so weird of me.. Maybe customer.. Haha..

Suddenly felt so tired again after receiving that call.. Maybe becoz i uploaded those 'scandalous' pic up in my QQ and she saw? But well, it's too late. Even though she still got high chance, nothing's gonna bring me back.. It's all over..

On tue evening on msn saw karen's msn pic which shows her doggie.. Msg her and disturb her why she steal my dog.. Lolx.. Almost the same breed.. Then i put mine up and we compared.. Yup, they are different coz mine is botak.. =X Chat a little more then i logout and go home liao.. Wed morning when i login my msn, saw her msg on msn calling my name weixing.. Sms her and said explained yest no reply.. She replied, "nothing much just all of sudden when talking with u yesterday reminds me of u." "like how weird is that. Like somehow feel close with u but i dunno u anymore like so vague." Memories of the past. Not memories of the bad but memories of the good.. When was that...? 9 yrs back..? Wow... 5days after her bday i was enlisted into army.. Today had a little chat with her too.. But she called me Xing.. (O.O)

Close the book..

The story had reached its final chapter.. If i say no pain, i'm lying.. Two instances.. One, with a little alcohol on day 1 and juz one song, i almost cannot hold back.. Sec, also with a little alcohol and several songs till that song came.. 1st one is more obvious coz before that instance, eyes itchy somemore and have to keep rubbing it till its watery.. =.=

Ppl had been trying to learn the whole story while i keep mum and stuffed everything inside where no one really knows wat's going on.. Still laughing smiling joking at work even after work at BQ.. Only when i spoke to xiaoling, i'm more emotional.. But gotta scolded for being fan jian by her. =.=" Wah lao not as if i woo her de mah.. I long time no woo gals liao lor. Diao.

"I will never leave him.." This sentence set the crack the glass.. Anyway, not impt.. On sat, my new post was being viewed by her. Before that we already had a little row.. I knew she viewed coz i can track who's viewing me de.. Nothing heard from her all the way till i finished work.. Zoom towards SLE, into SLE all the way towards CTE, after Bradell exit PIE, went thru Sim Ave then exited GL on the left, lane change all the way to the rightmost lane and turned into lor 11, rode all the way till the end and stopped outside the temple.. Saw her idling at work, sent a sms but no reply. Smoked one stick, called her.. Ask her if she's angry, she said not really coz the fault lies in her but sure got a little angry due to some untrue statements. Went on and on she yap and yap.. As usual, i dun get to talk much.. Talking abt herself, her own life, her online stuffs, her hometown, her dad, then lastly abt him..

Near the end of the conversation, she told me to take good care and asked if we still can be friends coz i'm a nice guy.. Leaving me doesn't mean i'm of no good but rather unfair to me if she not intending to leave him.. Dragging any further as well ends it now, before things really got worst where we unable to even be friends.. Speechless, i told her.. Then she said then we hang up lor.. She said she did not do me wrong so she will not say 'sorry', coz by saying 'sorry' will mean she's sorry to me..

What else can i say..? Rode silently and fastly home though only 120km/h.. Upon reaching my block, dun really feel like going up... But next day early 6am need wakey for car so no choice.. Went straight for shower.. Water running down my hair for quite a moment.. The water is so cold despite the heater is on yet whole body is so hot.. No breakdown, no sound. I'm still fine and under control.. Lay on my bed trying to slp... After a few min, took up my phone and started msging her a sms of abt 4 pages and sent to her before falling asleep..

Next day, everything seems so pointless with an empty heart and no aim in life.. Colourless, they called it.. Plain and vain with no directions.. Do wat also not right... No mood.. After work went down to BQ with jes they all.. In fact, dun really wanna go coz i know alcohol is evil.. It will bring down all my defences.. I also got msg her joking abt my HP num last 4 digit opened in 4D, "我们才刚分手第一天就开我的号码，如果我有买的话，分手了还有钱分呢。。哈哈。" No reply at all.. So, this is called friends after rs ends? It's meant to be a joke to break the ice by changing the bond into friendship bond.. Now it's wed liao, no reply at all..

I dun really hate her, juz that i hate myself.. Why can't i be playful all the while..? 感情专一的人容易受伤害。。。

Let go bah.. It's not the end but a new begining.. A new chapter of life.. Embrace the sunlight after rain, maybe there's rainbow.. Deep inside, the scar is still there..

Being freedom is good... Back into singular motion.. Home is still on the list.. Car is still on the list.. Wah i feel like spending off brandeds.. KNN i must be crazy..

Extreme Pain in dark

Damn it. Damn it. Damn Rick.

I hate u. I hate u. I hate Rick.

Pain. Pain. Pain Rick.


The light had diminished. Dun really want to talk abt it. Pain is evil.

Unable to shed, nothing outta it.

Unable to scream, nothing outta it.

Unable to hate, nothing outta it.

Unable to love, nothing outta it.

Unable to eat, nothing outta it.

Unable to sleep, nothing outta it.

Unable to play, nothing outta it.

Unable to do things, nothing outta it.

What a mess of life u had there, Rick. Nothing but a failure.

I see no light, i feel no warmth, i smell no smell, i hear no sound, i taste blend.


Happy in disguise.. Keep it that way..
Happy-go-lucky to everyone.. Keep it that way..
Sorrow in darkness.. Keep it that way..

Many said i was like an angel to them.. Well, i'm juz a fell angel, a fallen angel.. I hate myself as much as those who hate me.. Really... 爱太痛。。。除了你我还能爱谁...？我像个残废。。。

Pain..

It's like 4.17am NOW and i had to wakey at 7am later! Damn! Tired! Juz now had a little chat with her and made her gan jiong liao coz machiam i had found out something fishy. After the chat, i still go out and buy her the phonecard... Back home msg her the code and pw.. Awhile later she called back.. Nothing much to say. Nothing much to explain coz nothing goes in.. Went into my QQ blog and type so much in there... All in chinese yes.. Knn now is like machiam everything is my fault. My fault in getting jealous izzit? WTF. Wat the farking world had come to? None of the gals can be trusted. Yes now i meant NONE. All have to be for FUN only. Damn.

In fact, i'm not really getting much worked up. Juz maybe the words i said were quite harsh. Well, not really pissed. Maybe i'm juz finding fault. Finding fault to force myself let go. Finding fault to make her useless and worthless in me. Finding fault to end these. Maybe i'm juz selfish but well, that's me. Take it or leave it. All along my temper was no good at all. So many yrs liao.. Occasionally of coz still will erupt lah.

Jason said i've fallen into the trap again. Girls only mah, scared no have meh? I'm juz lazy.. Build up, stablised, collapsed. Again and again and again. Even Keith also same prob.. So he's back into smoking.. No more commitments so he buy what he want to buy now and do what he used to not do when hitched.. Knn am i going back to my shadow again? Where's my life buoy? I had no one to turn to. Unlike last time liao... Got celena, got carisa, got xuehui, got shan, got jenny, got huiwen, got connie, got dawn. Even Erica is my life buoy even though she only accompany me watch movie.. I know there are some that i din mentioned or missed out. But what's the point of having so many when i dun have one that i can really talk to? When facing them be it in person or on the fone or on sms or in msn, nothing comes out of me.. That's why this blog is still alive and its still opened to public.. Unspoken words that are stucked inside are out in here...

Advices here and there been on going since dunno how many months ago.. Nothing heed. Nothing done. No future? Doesn't give a damn. Two-time? Wastage of time and money, somemore that's not my cup of tea. I'm bad at two-timing. Find FL and release stress? Cure for the time being but not entirely cured. I can go thai/viet with the guys, i can go disco with the guys, i can go pubs with the gang, it's only curing for the time being..

Look for Cyndi, Wendy, Xiaoling, Pamela, Ella? Frankly i will only consider Wendy.. Not our Epson promotor, it's one of the waitress. But who knows, maybe in 1yr 9mths time she's not the intended wife? Anyway, a wife is juz a part and parcel of life. So long she can start my next gen, i dun give a damn. That's what a wife is for, IMO. There's no such thing as love... Love is not blind, i am blind.