Energetic despite pathetically tired..

U dun have to tell me nor to remind me that I dun have a life. That's y I said u never tried to understand me. Ppl who dun understand me I dun really care much coz u can indulge in ur own thoughts abt me for all that I care.. Ur thinking wun make a change in my life. Anyway, it doesn't really matters..

What kind of journey am I taking? I dunno myself.. It will work out somehow if I try.. At least that's wat I thought..

Best friends are not best friends supposed to be.. But some already set their footage in me as 'best friends'.. Right, the one? Juz like how we used to be eh..? =) Who said friends can't exchange kisses and hugs? It's not as if gonna end up in bed..

A drifting boat will lead to nowhere without a destination. And of coz that destination gotta be realistic.. Can't possibly take a boat and said u wanna fly to the sky.. That's pure hallucination or rather it's juz a fantasy. It's good to dream big and aim high, but be realistic juz like how all gals being materialistic. Oops! It's juz another discrimination.. My bad.. Oh yeah? Prove me wrong then. *piff*

"i've become more matured already! Weee!" My foot. That already shown u are still being a kid. A kid is a kid, dun act big. Like that will only show how small u are. Thinking are of a total different level. Did not pick up anything along the journey eh..? Pathetic.. But it's juz fine coz that's u that I knew all along.

Looking at the current situation, things might turn out well as I move along lifelessly. Ppl had been rejected when asking me to go out.. =.= It's my bad. My work is not a normal job. Almost all do not know what job exactly that i'm doing. When I said dangerous, everyone thot i'm juz kidding. Knn. Well I can't reveal the details. My company deals with Ammunitions. Ammunitions involve explosives. It's the only legal local company that does such products.. Imagine an employee who reported to work, drunk. He/she will be charged if the guards pursuit on the matters. He/she will be prosecuted if accident(s) occur(s) in that state. Nevertheless, working condition muz be tiptop coz live(s) is/are involed. Therefore, despite a high-paying job, I will not anyhow recommend anyone. Anyway, I dun wanna recommend. So many ppl dying to get into this job. But so many being fired/sacked..

I knew mum's bday is near but dunno the exact date till I asked my sis.. Lol.. Anyway, will bring her go restaurant eat and maybe shopping after that.. My stupid sis dun wan that crumpler bag anymore. I've got a bad feeling abt this. Lolx.. I'm on the verge of clearing my bad debts. Hopefully it wasn't delayed as planned..

Handphones are prohibited items in my workplace.. Therefore, I dun have any contacts when at work.. But there's two person I can contact when i'm bored at work.. Yuxiang and dawn. For yuxiang it's understandable coz he never change his number at all since dunno when.. But why dawn? Someone used to hate her so much due to certain stupid reasons that I was forbidden to have her contact in my contact list. Thus, dawn's number was etched in my head since that fateful day..

That stupid dawn kept psycho-ing me to go get a gf. =.= Her plan? Going out together, 3 couples. Zzzzzz.. I know her style.. If I really go get liao, she sure come say dun neglect her even though attached. =.= Best of both worlds eh..? Haha. It's not as simple as what u thought. In case u dun realised it, i've been neglected. Anyway, I dun worry much. =)

Sat went sls with yuxiang to get his harddisk. Went past ATF and saw nana busy with cust so I msg her instead.. Lolx.. Ask me to go in to find her later and so I promised. Went in and created a little rapport with all my ex-colleagues.. Nana said I disappeared liao.. =.= I still in contact with Yong An leh. Haha. I missed that place working with them.. While toking to kevin, nana kept getting 'shot' by me indirectly.. Lolx.. She and her giggles. =D Then after that went smoking with her. How long ago was that previous incident that she said something I felt warming..? Almost a yr ago at M-bar bah.. Haha.. Anyway, told her that if got go ktv pub with those old staffs again, will ask her along. =) I prefer clubbing though.. Haha. Yuxiang asked me how old is she and I can't seems to remember.. Lolx.. Anyway, she around my age, younger by 2yrs I think so.. He said she's got a pretty face, juz like dawn..? Haha..

Downloaded Lord of the Ring Online, Angwar. Had 7days trial. Nice graphics though compared to Hellgate it's lesser. Anyway, I can't play Hellgate.. My pc cannot make it.. Lolx.. LOTRO is a MMORPG but also an epic Role-Playing game.. Lotsa quests in there like rescuing the hobbits, helping out the Longbeard in driving out the evil dwarfs from Thorin's Gate, etc. The game is so much like the actual story in LOTR. So realistic and alive.. Yest had a quest helping out dwalin in taking down Thorin and it's a dungeon quest. I kept following him and he will stop at times and said to me that he's outta breath.. Lolx.. Nice. I might juz buy the game with time/credit card payments. Since there's not much of a competition to high lvls, i'm fine with it. =)

Well, I did told ya that I can accept anyone basically. So long I can find myself a reason to. Yuxiang said I can tok to any gals and made them laugh and smile.. Lolx.. I didn't know abt this at all.. At Tiong Bahru we headed to the basement Citibank branch to get our Biometric on our credit cards, there's this lady attending to us. When she's attending to yuxiang, everything's normal. But when she's attending to me, more conversations other than the regular questions.. Like, she saw my wallet is from Wallet Shop then she said used to work there. Then as i'm scanning my two Index fingers I was looking at the screen with big small eyes like this >> o.O lolx.. Then she's laughing and asked wat's with that expression. Haha I was paiseh and said nothing then we laugh together. Erm, I thot it's pretty normal coz she's friendly mah..

Fate?

Was it done on purpose or accidentally..? Wakanai.. By coincidence I took an earlier bus.. Was that fated? 1st time taking and met with such things.. Whole night while working i've been thinking of it, the warmth that I felt..

It was 5.05pm and I had finished smoking and my Nescafe while waiting for my bus at opposite.. I was ready for work but a tad early since my bus normally came around 5.30pm.. Thot of lighting another cigarette but saw the single-deck bus.. Made up my mind and boarded it.. Not so packed as I thot, managed to secure a seat on the left side at the 2nd last row.. Sat comfortably in my regular posture and held up my newspaper and started reading.. As the journey goes and reachs around Farrer Road, the guy sitting next to me stand up and alight.. Not that I cared.. Someone sat down almost immediately.. She seems to come from the back seat.. Not too sure coz I dun really care and I did not even take a pepp.. She sit sideways with her back facing my side. =.= She dunno how to sit properly ah.. Already so packed the bus, still like that and obstruct.. Suddenly she lean on me.. There's no natural withdrawal symptoms from my arm.. Instead, seems like trying to support her with my arm acting as a pillar.. Her body is warm.. Maybe becoz of the air-con filling up the atmosphere.. At 1st I thot it's someone I knew.. Side-glanced her and was caught.. =.= Well, typical jane.. A student I supposed.. Suddenly she stood up. I thot wat happened though i'm trying hard to focus on the newspaper in front of me and controlling my eyes to look straight ahead on the newspaper.. She alight at Cornation Plaza.. I think that's the name of the shopping center..

Wat an experience.. Was it for good or bad..? No idea.. But her warmth somehow heated up my cold and dying spirit inside.. Thanks, whoever u might be.. Maybe I had forgotten how Celena's warmth had freed me the other time.. Haha.. Yes I miss u, sweetie.. =) When's our next meet up, for some vanilla maybe? =P

I've decided.. Still got one more wk to work midnight shift.. I will take the 5.15pm bus all the way and will take that seat again.. If it is really fate/destiny, the outcome is obvious. If not, I still will not lose out coz I can board the company bus early. =) Everything happens for a reason, it dun juz happened..

An unexpected visitor. Hmm.. I wonder how she found it. Anyway, nothing's gonna change my hate for u.

Finally passed my 7.01 but test had been postponed.. Haha.. Well, no rush liao.. =) Got more than enough time for the remaining last subject which is the evaluation of everything.. Even gonna 3 times, one time per wk, I still had enuff time.. Haha..

Time seems to have slow down or rather the speed is normal? It's a fair world where everyone own the same time no matter pretty or ugly, tall or short, big or small, smart or stupid, rich or poor. Time is money.. But time is priceless as well.. To use it to generate more money or to use it to generate moe leisure.. The choice is up to each and every individual..

Someone did asked, "How to increase one's own circle of friends? I'm more concern abt the female side.." Think back on who are ur female friends and how u got to know them in the 1st place.. Back in primary and secondary and college schools, I supposed.. Well, other than educational, it will be recreations or rather, activities. Clubbing, sports, hobbies, etc. Working environments are another to expand network of friends.. But not all.. Example, mine is hopeless unless i'm at Boonlay(currently at bukit timah) or unless my colleagues are introducing their children to me. Lolx... Well, most of those children are 20-somethings. =) This topic is so pointless. =.= Why do I start it in the 1st place. Zzzzz..

I already said, u are the one who threw it away.. I guess u din realised it just yet.. Anyway, doesn't really matter. Coz ur existence doesn't prove a different in my life. In fact, i'm better off without u as a nuisance. U are such an eyesore.

Sunrise.

It was such a beautiful sight from my place.. It's been a long time since i last enjoy morning dew and cool breeze.. From 20th floor, the view is splendid. Liang Court, Md Sultan, Riverview, Funan, Boat Quay.. The bluish sky with slight orange and reddish light from the waking sun.. It was a nice view and somehow it melts me.. Suddenly felt that i'm alive.. Never thought that my place can let me see such a beautiful view.. Saw the 'mo tian lun' from my place.. Several memories of her used to be talking abt that 'mo tian lun' reappeared.. Shld i be glad that she appeared in my life or shld i carry on to bear the agony that she caused.. Everything happened for a reason.. But still, i felt all that happened are unforgivable. Afterall i'm being disillusion..

Din sleep a wink till this morning 8am then slept all the way until 4pm.. System adjustment in progress.. I need extreme spirit to work in this extreme dangerous environment.. Gotta stay alert.. It's all abt Life and Death. Sigh.. Need to go get prepared and go work liao.. Am working 7pm-7am for dunno how many days/weeks.. Dangerous job eh.. I hope not..

A bad day.

Actually Saturday no need to work.. But no one to cover the job.. No choice.. Though high pay on PH but i prefer having my rest.. Sigh.. And toking abt that, few days back msg some ppl and there's no reply from one of them.. I did mentioned, i hate ppl who dun bother to reply. There's no such an excuse as 'forgot'. It's a lame excuse. When i asked a question i expect an answer, simple as that. If u can't even achieve the simple logic/manner, i think there's no need for a friend like u. Whenever u call/msg, i always respond unless i'm at work. And u are fast in replying when u wanted something from me or need help from me. So, i'm being taken for granted. Case closed, it's the end.

Actually i wun felt like this but sat after work i was walking the streets of singapore alone and makes me ponder on such things. I decided to have my hair-cut at Chapter 2 so i took 174 to a bus-stop after PS and from there walk to sim lim square look look see see.. So many ppl there but seems to me, this place had became a foreign place to me.. No longer heart-warming.. Left the sad place and went straight to Chapter 2 at Bugis village.

After the cut, went shopping for a while. Saw several jeans that i like the colours but not the materials.. It's of poor quality to me... Went on to search for a 'bean-bag' pouch but in the end bought a waist bag thinking of using it during bike lesson so that i dun need to get a locker.. Looking thru the watches on mega sales and saw one that i like but din get it in the end.. Saw quite a few nice clothings but still did not get myself any.. Haha.. That ended my shopping.

Called Kelvin and he said wanted to go Boat Quay find Aleli and asked to go too.. The time is still early so i went back home first. Around 11pm+ i reached BQ, Shebangs. Got a sofa-seat, not bad.. Sit down not long only, gana 3 glasses of Martell on the rock... Yes i wanna drink on-the-rock but not drinking it while playing games... =.= Vince arrived shortly after and Mike joined us thereafter when we found him near the coffeeshop.. Long time no see him liao.. He juz gotten another tattoo on his right leg from his friend's shop. Soon, it will be my turn to go on for one on my arm. =) Few days back i was still thinking where shld i go to have it put on.. Haha.. Now no need to find liao lor.. =P

That day juz watched Jay's Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi.. How i adore the female main cast.. The style that i like.. Recalled almost half a decade back met one gal like that but kind of avoidance was shown and performed.. Now she's getting married soon.. Anyway, i never told her i love her. Never i would do that.. Not all had to be expressed out. As such, i would like to keep it deep where no one knows.. It's better that way.. Oh, and yesterday the table us at Shebangs got one gal who gave me the similar feeling.. The way she look at me and the way she smiles.. Kelvin said she is not good-looking at all. Yeah i agree but i like the feeling of looking at her face to face without feeling awkward.. The comfortable feeling is what i'm seeking.. I may be able to approach any gals but not those that whom i felt comfortable with.. Afterall i'm a shy guy. =X

My test had been canceled coz i'm unable to meet the requirements.. Due to working 2nd shift now and in the coming weeks i had to work on 3rd shift.. There's no way i can go for my final 2 lessons.. Time not enough.. Guess i can only go on sundays... Since i've decided not to work on sundays anymore... Though sundays are double pay to me, but normal days with 4hrs OT are already more than sunday.. And most probably i will hit 105hrs this mth and if there's an extend to 125hrs due to urgency of work, i can also hit.. Calculated that if i hit 125hrs, that will be $1250 liao.. Weekdays there are 23days this mth and per day is $70 so it will come out to be $1610.. Hopefully can get that amount this mth bah.. So that i can clear the penalties caused by that bitch.

Why would a person paid for his ex-girlfriend? Well, i ain't got a choice. Women are nothing but troubles.

Sabishi..

It's kicking up again.. Nande?! Pissed with myself.. Thot I can be what I wanted to be.. So, it's afterall juz a wish.. Shin-daiyo!!

Was appointed to do permanent 2nd shift at work, normal hrs 3pm till 11pm.. If gonna earn OT then will be 11am till 11pm.. Well, clocked 90+ hrs of OT last mth, kinda tiring but doesn't really seems so.. Quite a lot of mixed feelings involved.. Is this gonna be my stepping stone to freedom..? It's still a mystery.. There's no sure thing in the event called future..

There's always a story behind every tattoo.. Hmmm... I wonder what's urs.. That one that's rarely revealed becoz of ur hair.. I'm curious.

I'm always ur listening ear but u never 'listen'.. Thus, I wonder how much u really know abt me.. Without really knowing me, u really dare to take the chance? By chance, this may be the wrong move that could end everything.. Being optimistic, this might be the best for u.. I dun have much confidence if I'm be suitable for this role, but if that's what u feel is essential, I might accept the fate.

She's back already. So, how am I gonna put it to get it back..? Frankly, easier said than done.. I'm not really into meaningless stuffs like such.. But I need to take it back since it comes in a pair.. How am I gonna put it forth?! Argh!! Blame it on the beer! Damn!

I feel like wanting back a normal life like I used to be.. But either freedom or money, I can only choose one.. Piority comes first but the disturbing heart cannot be settled in peace either... Was that the reason for SABISHI..? I think so.. Afterall i'm made of flesh and blood.. Who can give me a helping hand..? Guys dun work in this situation coz the opposite attracts..

Juz finished Naruto 220 episodes.. Shippudden had begun.. But I guess I will leave it alone and catch up with Shaman King, Hunter X Hunter, One Piece, Full Metal Alchemist. Time not enuff to use... =.=

Heaven or Hell?

When it's not the end, u strive all u could, all ur life.. Now it's the end, u want nothing but one thing, health.. There's no turning back in time. Reality cruelty. By looking at the past is what u are today at the present. What u gonna do at the present will be what u will gonna be in the future.. Suicidal might be able to save u from misery but in the end look at urself.. What have u got in return? Being classified as mental disorder. However, upon getting to know ur medical problems, the place dun even welcomes u even though u truly had mental problems.. Pathetic eh.. Now even ur eyes are failing u.. Maybe it's time.. I know, there's still lotsa unfinished business u have in this world.. But what to do.. Time is scarce.. Let the god cleanse ur soul.. All good things must come to an end..

What is heaven? Frequently said, frequently heard. Someone said, when there's no love, there's no heaven. Well, I agree. But do I look like as if I care? For god's sake juz leave me alone. It's pretty obvious that I dun even want to talk to u at all thus u are being ignored. I'm getting tired of all these nonsensical meaningless stuffs. I'm sorry but I pretty much discriminate stupid ppl.

I also discriminate those who bet big, be it soccer or 4D or TOTO. Coz it's brainless stupidity. Shiok meh? Why not try tearing off ur own money, maybe $50/$100 note, in front of many ppl. How come u can't bear to do that? On the other hand u can spend so much unseen money? Not as if it's my business at all. I will not spare a single cent even though u are penniless and can't even afford food, becoz u asked for it.

I'm different from all of u, dun classified me into the normal life u all are living. Mine is not normal unlike majority fortunate ppl out there.

Do u scold ur mum if she went to pay for the water bills?

Do u pay for ur sibling(s) their fone bills for years?

Do u give ur sibling(s) money for their urgent necessities?

Do majority of the bills in ur house under ur name?

Are u the only working adult in the family?

Do u have a total of 5-digit debts(legal & personal) waiting for u to clear?

Do u feed on bread while letting others eat good stuffs?

Does ur money ever got lost in the place called HOME?

Have u tried living on a $3 rice per day with 2 other adults?

U ppl said life is tough. U ppl said living is hard. U ppl are nothing but bullshits. U ppl knows nothing. Nothing at all. Whine abt how u can't buy this, can't buy that, no money buy this, no money buy that. If my 2 jeans can be worn for 2yrs(even though both had big torn now), I dun understand why ppl can kpkb so much abt Levi's and Giordano. Mine dun even have brand, priced at $35 for 2.

Dun tell me money is meant for spending(regardless eating or drinking or buying), coz mine is meant for repaying. I will only do those IF I like it and I wanted to. Dun tell/teach me what to do becoz my life is different from that of urs.

I'm not ordinary from the world. So leave me alone. Anyway, even if I existed or not this world, it's none of anyone's concern. Right. See the 'X' at the top right? CLICK IT.