Kinda so many had happen lately.. But actually, those were juz some old prob recurring.. haiz.. Never-ending prob.. >_< That time becoz of my work, i got so stress.. It's all abt how to be a bad guy and leave my company when it needed me the most after my colleague left.. My point of view being an outdoor sales executive is fun and different from wat i used to do. Totally a different approach. My boss is not really a fantastic person.. He can be nice at times and nasty at times.. Haiz.. He pressured me directly when he asked me that question. He asked me whether would i stay in the company and help him if my colleague were to leave.. Haiz.. I dun wanna say it out so soon as my reservist is juz next wk.. But he insist he wanted an ans from me.. So tong ku.. Got things to say but cannot say..
I understand that this seems to be an easy task to many but not to me.. There's more to it than meet the eye. It's not juz abt quitting, that's all.. Afterall way before i got enlisted into army i had already know my boss.. To date, it has been almost 7yrs since i knew him.. Walking outta him at a time like this is kinda bad.. Somemore the next job is not any better than current, but i juz want a lesser stress job for the time being.. I've got way too many things to shoulder and bottle-up.. If i stay here in this company i'm afraid i might juz simply burst into a million pieces.. That i'm not sure but i can feel it.. >_< So nan gao and tong ku inside me that day.. really have the urge to escape to paradise.. =/
That day shan suddenly called me early in the morning 6am.. And she was crying.. And she said she was drenched and was feeling cold.. From sleepy mode i immediately woke up, and i told her i'll be right there at where she is.. I got changed and washed up then i went out liao.. Took a cab and i reached Parkway. I saw her sitting there all alone and all wet.. =.= Wah lao, depressed also no need to like that torture urself mah.. Due to hurry out in a haste, i forgot to bring a windbreaker.. Thus, seeing her feelling cold, i wrap my arm around her and pull her close to reduce a bit of her coldness.. It wasn't of any help though and i got my clothes a bit wet coz her clothes were still wet.. =.= Therefore, we proceed to the coffeeshop and get some hot drinks and had our breakfast.. She looked so stunned and pale.. Haiz.. After that i walked her home then i make my way home.. I still got work that day but i reached home at abt 10am and was very tired liao.. Thus, i told my boss i not feeling well and i did not go work.. But ok lah.. Once a while did not go work it's fine de.. I'm glad that i'm still needed to some.. But then again, if she never tell me, i would never know and these would never happened.. I like to being confide in.. Coz at least i feel that i'm living for something and not juz live life.. =)
When the one u like push u around to others, it's really not nice.. =( Haiz.. Sad.. It often leads to other thoughts.. Does he/she doesn't like me anymore? Does he/she dun want me anymore? does he/she detest me oredi? Haiz.. Sian.. >_< Leaving a person for his/her own good is indeed noble; or izzit selfish? Retaining a person regardless of how tough the path of two will be is indeed a pleasure, or izzit suffering?
I dun know.. I'm lost.. Juz like stranded in the vast ocean.. Dunno how to go, where to go, wat to do.. >_< Haiz.. Indeed being borned into this world is cruel.. Is there any Angel out there who can help me? Or is there any Devil out there who can help me? I juz wanna slp.. I juz wanna dun care.. I juz wanna run away.. But i juz cannot do this... Wat am i toking abt? =.= I'm still gonna live. A new entity is awaiting me! A new life with her is awaiting me! Maybe a brand new environment to live is awaiting me! How can i give up without even having those awaiting me?!?! =P
Last but not least, got something to say to you: After i come back, we go catch a show then go somewhere quiet ok? I juz wanna be alone with you.. Even it's gonna be juz a little while.. Hope u dun turn me down again.. Drop me a sms and let me know ok? =)
25 May, 2005
I've found these somewhere lately.. The guy who put up these are extremely prejudiced against women.. Kinda sad case but the world is not perfect. U can seriously find such kinds of ppl, be it males or females. Coz i've met some. =) Let's take a little look. Enjoy reading. ^^
"Every single one of us has made mistakes with women. We've been conned, duped and dazed by physical attraction. We've made fools of ourselves by kissing the feet of females who treated us like dirt. We've wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes chasing after women who lied to us and used us, and turned out to be rotten.But do we learn from our experiences? No. Every time we think it's going to be different. We think if we just try harder, or do one little thing differently, the result will change.Well, it's not going to change. If you keep pursuing the same kind of woman, you'll just get your heart broken over and over again.Keep a watchful eye out for the following list of women, and you'll be one step closer to curing yourself of habitual bitch-dating:1- Miss FeministThis woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male "patriarchy" would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, "All men think with their penises." Avoid her at all costs.2- Miss TakeShe's out for your money -- pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else's feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don't be fooled -- some apparently very "nice" girls are the greediest of them all.3- Miss RomanceThis type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are "princesses," and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.4- Miss ElusiveThis woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.5- Miss AngryLike Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don't like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they've ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there's no such thing as a nice guy -- they're all "jerks," "creeps" and "pigs." Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you're into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.6- Miss InsecureThis woman seems great at the start because she's very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don't take long to surface. Pretty soon she's calling you 10 times a day, asking to see "where the relationship is going," or because she "just wants to hear your voice." She needs constant reassurance that she's attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She's clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you're going to leave her at any moment for "someone better." This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.7- Miss BitchMiss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren't concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
8- Miss MeA close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as "daddy's little girl," and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.9- Miss DesperateWhether it's her baby clock ticking or she's the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married -- now. She doesn't care who the guy is or what he does -- as long as he's got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!10- Miss TurncoatShe's a conniving little piece of work who's an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you're hooked deep into the relationship (or married)… and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn't get her way.11- Miss TeaseUsually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she's a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can't trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she'll dump you in a heartbeat.12- Miss ControllingShe is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat -- everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.you've been warned!These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it's always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame. "
Lotsa gals after reading these muz have a lot in their minds. =) Let's not talk abt it coz 'jie shi jiu ying shi'. As long as u are clear of wat u are, there's no need for explainations. Of coz not all gals are bad. I've found a few nice ones though. Anyway, i dun really care much.. hehe.. Coz i've found 'The One'. The One may not be the Perfect One but my Most Important One. =)
"Every single one of us has made mistakes with women. We've been conned, duped and dazed by physical attraction. We've made fools of ourselves by kissing the feet of females who treated us like dirt. We've wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes chasing after women who lied to us and used us, and turned out to be rotten.But do we learn from our experiences? No. Every time we think it's going to be different. We think if we just try harder, or do one little thing differently, the result will change.Well, it's not going to change. If you keep pursuing the same kind of woman, you'll just get your heart broken over and over again.Keep a watchful eye out for the following list of women, and you'll be one step closer to curing yourself of habitual bitch-dating:1- Miss FeministThis woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male "patriarchy" would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, "All men think with their penises." Avoid her at all costs.2- Miss TakeShe's out for your money -- pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else's feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don't be fooled -- some apparently very "nice" girls are the greediest of them all.3- Miss RomanceThis type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are "princesses," and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.4- Miss ElusiveThis woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.5- Miss AngryLike Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don't like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they've ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there's no such thing as a nice guy -- they're all "jerks," "creeps" and "pigs." Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you're into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.6- Miss InsecureThis woman seems great at the start because she's very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don't take long to surface. Pretty soon she's calling you 10 times a day, asking to see "where the relationship is going," or because she "just wants to hear your voice." She needs constant reassurance that she's attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She's clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you're going to leave her at any moment for "someone better." This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.7- Miss BitchMiss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren't concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
8- Miss MeA close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as "daddy's little girl," and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.9- Miss DesperateWhether it's her baby clock ticking or she's the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married -- now. She doesn't care who the guy is or what he does -- as long as he's got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!10- Miss TurncoatShe's a conniving little piece of work who's an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you're hooked deep into the relationship (or married)… and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn't get her way.11- Miss TeaseUsually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she's a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can't trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she'll dump you in a heartbeat.12- Miss ControllingShe is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat -- everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.you've been warned!These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it's always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame. "
Lotsa gals after reading these muz have a lot in their minds. =) Let's not talk abt it coz 'jie shi jiu ying shi'. As long as u are clear of wat u are, there's no need for explainations. Of coz not all gals are bad. I've found a few nice ones though. Anyway, i dun really care much.. hehe.. Coz i've found 'The One'. The One may not be the Perfect One but my Most Important One. =)
22 May, 2005
Juz read this from my email..
Born in mth of JANUARY
* Ambitious and serious(not really)
* Loves to teach and be taught(kinda so)
* Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses(so that i can help where i can)
* Likes to criticize(not really, juz suaning nia)
* Hardworking and productive(not VERY but ok lah)
* Smart, neat and organized(erm.. dun think so. =P)
* Sensitive and has deep thoughts(exactly)
* Knows how to make others happy(sometimes lah..)
* Quiet unless excited or tensed(quite true)
* Rather reserved(yeah, at times)
* Highly attentive(depends on mood. =P)
* Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds(you got it)
* Romantic but has difficulties expressing love(lolx.. this i do not know. =P)
* Loves children(mostly)
* Homely person(yeah, my games' faults =P)
* Loyal(kinda so, but depends..)
* Needs to improve social abilities(=.=" dun tell me to do things..)
* Easily jealous(yup but doesn't show and easily suppressed also)
Haha.. Anyway, these aren't gonna change me! =P Weixing will always be weixing~~ Lalalala~~
My wk's schedule is kinda totally full.. so darn occupied. lolx. =P Wed, took carisa and jenny to Parkway to play RO. I was kinda a bad teacher like wat TPL and Shan said. lolx.. I only got one mind lor, really dunno how to handle them both. =P Pardon me eh.. hehe. Time is not enuff to get them to get used to the game. For ppl who do not play games, it's kinda hard to let them get the hand of it but i wun give up. Since Jenny wanna play, i shall teach her all i know. =) Thursday supposed to meet ys for his bday celebration de but he din take leave so we postponed to friday.
Friday was a long day sia.. Met YS and JL at Raffles mrt then we go to Lau Pau Sa to eat. then after that we move on to Paradiz center to play billard. Then Erica was there and she wanted to go chiong.. =.= That day she was total pink sia.. lol.. Erica wanted to go Chinablack de but i knew Celena was going to devils so i wanted to see if she's alrite at there. Thus, erica was dragged along by me. haha. Then the queue at there was so long sia! Somemore Andrew went home liao and Terrance wasn't able to get us in. Haiz.. Then Erica kept complaining that if went Chinablack, we wun need to queue at all.. lolx.. Juz like her char. =P Then we went in liao and we went on to find Celz at 3rd floor at the back of the counter towards the end. Celz was with 2 guys i do not know at all. But anyway, seeing her looking fine, shld be ok bah. haha.. Friday really spent a lot sia.. Took cab from parklane to devils, paid for 2 entrance fees, paid for all the drinks ordered, and lastly took cab home from devils.. sob sob sob.. Anyway, once a while, it's ok lah. heh. Erica really can drink sia, i ordered one jur of Vodka lime and within a min, she drank half liao. =.=" Scary sia. Thus we can like finished up the whole jur in less than 5min.. lolx. Therefore i was pretty drunk very quickly. =/
Then Celena and Erica ganged up on me. =.= !st, erica pass me her bag and ask me to carry it for her then cel also pass me hers(when did i become a hanger? =.="). Then Erica went on to unbutton my top button of my shirt while cel fold up my collars and ask me to pose for the camera. =.=" I dun have the pic. haha.. Anyway, i dun wanna show also. muahahaha. =P Then the two siao char bo danced seductively in front of me sia. omg =.=" Well, 1st time sees cel so daring. lolx. But then Cel leaft early that nite. without a word somemore.. haiz.. =P I was left with erica dancing near the dancefloor then suddenly i saw a almost bareback gal with quite good figure dancing on the bench with her friends. Then i saw her bunny-teeth and i found that that was Keqing. lolx. No wonder lah. i thot which chio bu sia. haha. But we juz exchange a smile only. Coz after that Erica was kinda drunk and she loses her balance so i held on to her and grab her before she falls. Then she falls on me =.=" which makes me almost lose my balance sia.. lolx.. She made me feel weak sia. lolx. Then after that she push me away and carry on pressing on her hp while i carry on dancing. Then again she falls forward and i catch hold of her. this time she hugged me real tight.. Then she asked me "How come the one i like doesn't like me?" I was like "huh? how i know ah?" We settle down at the narrow corridor near the dancefloor and she sat on the floor and smoke while i squat down and lean against the wall on the back beside her. She wrapped around my arms and lay on my shoulder. Haiz.. really dun like to see ppl getting sad yet being so powerless. After that i accompany her to the toilet while i waited outside sitting on the chair. When she got out, i stand up and let her sit while i resting on the railling and hold on to the railing. Again she took my shoulder and lean on it thus i gave her a hug to comfort her but she held me even tighter and her face was so close to my neck(almost kissing it) and i felt a shiver.. My thoughts came, "wat if she bites me on the neck? >_<" However, it was very comfortable. At least this is something i can do to at least ease a bit of her pain.. Then i found that i missed someone.. Haiz.. And yet she's not around me. Really wish to give her a hug to ease all the pain she's going thru now.. =( Afterall i'm juz an empty shell to Erica.. For my heart had been long stolen..
As i promised shan that i wanted to bring her go watch show. So i met up with her yest. Yesterday since morning i've been having headache, hangover i guess. Then i tried taking panadol at noon after lunch but i can't seems to have it swallowed.. >_<
Yeah tml got majong session! hehe..
19 May, 2005
I had been thinking abt this and i can't seems to find an answer to that.
"If a person knows that he's gonna die soon, he made his gal leave him. So that he can suffer the pain in silence and without bothering the gal and make her life miserable.." Is this concern abt the gal or is this being selfish?
Concern? Becoz he dun wanna drag the gal into the picture to suffer the unnecessary pain with him..
Selfish? Becoz he shld let her know so that she can not only share his happiness but sadness as well..
I seriously cannot think it thru. Sometimes i can even think until i cannot slp at all. Can someone give me some opinions? post it in my comments please coz that space is bigger and you can type more. My tagboard is too limited for words. Any help will be greatly appreciated!! Onegai!!
Relationships can really be a hassle in life.. So many problems, so many worries, so many sadness, so many arguments, so many headaches.. But most of all, muz have happiness. A r/s without happiness at all is total meaningless. Nowadays it's not like last time.. Parents choose ur life-partner for u and wat u both parties gonna do is 'pei yang gan qing'.. Nowadays ppl wanna get married, juz married; wanna divorced, juz divorced; wanna go into r/s, juz go; wanna break off, juz break off.. Love is nothing but juz a game? =.="
When married, the gal will move over to stay with the guy. Be it alone or with his parents. Once married, will definitely stay together. Different life that's gonna become.. I used to ponder abt a problem, which is "Would you get bored if you were to see your loved one everyday? Let's say 20yrs down the road.." I can't have a definite answer to that as i've been thru it. Some ppl can, some ppl cannot. Being with a person but not married, can be a totally different story when married. Bad things might be reveal after married, good things might be reveal after married. No one can have a definite answer to whatever might comes.. U know it's juz like wat? It's juz like the thrill in courting the one u like or being court by someone. After after getting the goal, the thrill is no longer there. Thus, making the r/s boring. From wat i can see is, when courting a gal, the guy would treat the gal extremely good. But after getting her, will still treat her good but not as good as before. Same thing for the other gender, when being courted, the guy will dote on her a lot but after being together not much doting gotten. Either way, either party might get bored and grew tired of it. This is human nature which no one can truely understand.. However, there's no sure thing, coz there are some who proved me wrong. =) Thus, it's always a good thing to learn from mistakes, learn from others.
As for me, i'll not grow tired of her or it unless i'm being forced to. If i got a gf, i can make the extra effort to send her to work and pick her up from work everyday if time permits. "to give unconditionly.." It might be kinda mono but absolutely i will not mind.. However, i'm indeed a weird guy. If i got a gf who demand that i must send her to work and pick her up from work everyday, i would rather i will not have such gf. Let's tok abt normal stuffs. My younger sister's hp line is under my name. I went to get the line for her without expecting anything back. And somemore i'm paying for it ever since then. Now she juz completed her O-level and is working part-time. I never asked a freaking single cent from her even though i'm freaking penniless! One of my platoon-mate actually ask me to get a line for him as under his name there's still some outstanding. However, he said he would return me whenever the bill comes. I juz have to tell him how much the bill and he will pass me the money. Do u know till now how many months of bill he owed me? Frankly, i had lost count. And i dun intend to count back. Wat i gonna do is wait for his line's contract to end so that i can terminate the line. Before that i would still pay for it without any condition but one, our friendship had ended. I can be goddamn good but dun take me for granted. I love being appreciated but not for granted. Even if i'm being forced to do something, i'm still being taken for granted. Why? Coz i'm too good liao. If i only left $300 on me for me to use until 15days later, and someone ask me for it for all, i would still pass him/her the money. But in my heart, that person had left a black mark. Regarding how many black marks till i totally ignored that person or treat that person coldly.. I've got no idea. If u really wan to know, juz try me.
I'm such a hard person to get along with. I'm such a troublesome person. I'm such a freaking bad person. I'm such a unreasonable person. I'm such a dun-care person. So, now shoo and buzz off. I'm not even worth to be called a friend of yours. Goodbye.
Over-sensative, over-concern, over-suspicous, over-bo-chap, etc. All are not for me. Being a 'Hi-Bye' can liao. I will still survive without such people in my life. Same thing goes for love. I will still survive without a gf/wife in my life. Oh man, weixing is so mean. yeah? I guess so.. Afterall i'm a bad guy who is trying so hard to turn good. Sometimes i really dun understand wat had got into me.. I was indeed a very bad guy in the past.. Wat kind of bad things i've never done before? I don't know! For there are too many! It's easy to be bad, hard to be good. How i wish i've never even tried to be good.. But anyway, i've come such a long way to pay for my sin. I shall carry on, i guess.. However, tomorrow is gonna be a 'decision-making-day' for me.. If ppl see a drastic change in me, it would show that bad news are broke to me and i'm giving up everything and return to be a bad guy... I can't tell the future but i had planned my path a month ago.. tml is gonna be the biggest day in my whole life.. May the god dun bless me.
"If a person knows that he's gonna die soon, he made his gal leave him. So that he can suffer the pain in silence and without bothering the gal and make her life miserable.." Is this concern abt the gal or is this being selfish?
Concern? Becoz he dun wanna drag the gal into the picture to suffer the unnecessary pain with him..
Selfish? Becoz he shld let her know so that she can not only share his happiness but sadness as well..
I seriously cannot think it thru. Sometimes i can even think until i cannot slp at all. Can someone give me some opinions? post it in my comments please coz that space is bigger and you can type more. My tagboard is too limited for words. Any help will be greatly appreciated!! Onegai!!
Relationships can really be a hassle in life.. So many problems, so many worries, so many sadness, so many arguments, so many headaches.. But most of all, muz have happiness. A r/s without happiness at all is total meaningless. Nowadays it's not like last time.. Parents choose ur life-partner for u and wat u both parties gonna do is 'pei yang gan qing'.. Nowadays ppl wanna get married, juz married; wanna divorced, juz divorced; wanna go into r/s, juz go; wanna break off, juz break off.. Love is nothing but juz a game? =.="
When married, the gal will move over to stay with the guy. Be it alone or with his parents. Once married, will definitely stay together. Different life that's gonna become.. I used to ponder abt a problem, which is "Would you get bored if you were to see your loved one everyday? Let's say 20yrs down the road.." I can't have a definite answer to that as i've been thru it. Some ppl can, some ppl cannot. Being with a person but not married, can be a totally different story when married. Bad things might be reveal after married, good things might be reveal after married. No one can have a definite answer to whatever might comes.. U know it's juz like wat? It's juz like the thrill in courting the one u like or being court by someone. After after getting the goal, the thrill is no longer there. Thus, making the r/s boring. From wat i can see is, when courting a gal, the guy would treat the gal extremely good. But after getting her, will still treat her good but not as good as before. Same thing for the other gender, when being courted, the guy will dote on her a lot but after being together not much doting gotten. Either way, either party might get bored and grew tired of it. This is human nature which no one can truely understand.. However, there's no sure thing, coz there are some who proved me wrong. =) Thus, it's always a good thing to learn from mistakes, learn from others.
As for me, i'll not grow tired of her or it unless i'm being forced to. If i got a gf, i can make the extra effort to send her to work and pick her up from work everyday if time permits. "to give unconditionly.." It might be kinda mono but absolutely i will not mind.. However, i'm indeed a weird guy. If i got a gf who demand that i must send her to work and pick her up from work everyday, i would rather i will not have such gf. Let's tok abt normal stuffs. My younger sister's hp line is under my name. I went to get the line for her without expecting anything back. And somemore i'm paying for it ever since then. Now she juz completed her O-level and is working part-time. I never asked a freaking single cent from her even though i'm freaking penniless! One of my platoon-mate actually ask me to get a line for him as under his name there's still some outstanding. However, he said he would return me whenever the bill comes. I juz have to tell him how much the bill and he will pass me the money. Do u know till now how many months of bill he owed me? Frankly, i had lost count. And i dun intend to count back. Wat i gonna do is wait for his line's contract to end so that i can terminate the line. Before that i would still pay for it without any condition but one, our friendship had ended. I can be goddamn good but dun take me for granted. I love being appreciated but not for granted. Even if i'm being forced to do something, i'm still being taken for granted. Why? Coz i'm too good liao. If i only left $300 on me for me to use until 15days later, and someone ask me for it for all, i would still pass him/her the money. But in my heart, that person had left a black mark. Regarding how many black marks till i totally ignored that person or treat that person coldly.. I've got no idea. If u really wan to know, juz try me.
I'm such a hard person to get along with. I'm such a troublesome person. I'm such a freaking bad person. I'm such a unreasonable person. I'm such a dun-care person. So, now shoo and buzz off. I'm not even worth to be called a friend of yours. Goodbye.
Over-sensative, over-concern, over-suspicous, over-bo-chap, etc. All are not for me. Being a 'Hi-Bye' can liao. I will still survive without such people in my life. Same thing goes for love. I will still survive without a gf/wife in my life. Oh man, weixing is so mean. yeah? I guess so.. Afterall i'm a bad guy who is trying so hard to turn good. Sometimes i really dun understand wat had got into me.. I was indeed a very bad guy in the past.. Wat kind of bad things i've never done before? I don't know! For there are too many! It's easy to be bad, hard to be good. How i wish i've never even tried to be good.. But anyway, i've come such a long way to pay for my sin. I shall carry on, i guess.. However, tomorrow is gonna be a 'decision-making-day' for me.. If ppl see a drastic change in me, it would show that bad news are broke to me and i'm giving up everything and return to be a bad guy... I can't tell the future but i had planned my path a month ago.. tml is gonna be the biggest day in my whole life.. May the god dun bless me.
16 May, 2005
Now i know it's hard to love. It wasn't as easy as what i've thought. Even though i was told to go on and find someone else. I dunno how. I dunno why. I juz can't.
I was meeting shan yesterday. It was a lazy sunday. The day was started with a majong session at JL's place. 2pm but i was kinda 'a bit' late.. =P So, who were there? JL, Wendy, me and a friend of JL(his camp-mate, i think). The game doesn't go smoothly for me(as expected). Once you think of it in a bad way, u kinda expected it. So when u win, you will be 10 times more happier. So when you lose, u will not feel that disappointed coz you had expected it to be. =) End of game i've lost almost all my chips.. lolx.. Tough luck day. =P Anyway, after the game, JL treated me to Sakae Sushi. O.O Though he was the only one winning, also win not much.. Treating me will have to dig out somemore from his own pocket to top-up.. sigh.. But then still got treated by him. Haha.. I eat until quite full though. Long time no eat jap food liao. After the dinner i went back home for a bath then proceed on to Jurong East IMM to pick up shan. I was late for abt 30min, i think.. =P paiseh lah.. hehe.. Then we go on to River Valley to have prata. Shan is power sia.. She ordered 4 egg pratas!! Hahaha.. I only ate one coz i'm still too full liao.. haha.. We chatted quite long and she order 2 more egg pratas for her family. When calling for bill, i paid most of it though.. Dun wan her to use her hard-earn money.
Ppl who do not know, thought that i've got a thing for her. Juz becoz she's cute? =.=" Nope. I did not. Juz dunno why, i have got no feel at all. I would have treated anyone the same.. Haiz.. I'm so unlike myself in the past.. That's why i say even though i wanted to, i also wun have any feeling..
A gal told me that best is to 'follow ur own heart'. However, 'following ur heart' will cause a lot of troubles.. So many problems, so many headaches, so many troubles.. That i agree.. "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To be loved by the one you love is everything". To me, it's almost an extreme.. Well, i've been thinking the whole day.. If she decided not to follow her heart, i will not too.. Thus, even though i were to be together with someone whom i had no feelings at all, i would still go on..
Wat is the main diff, if u ask? Being with 'the one', i would treat her all the best i can ever give. I would give 90% of my heart to her, any other gal will only get 1%. Being with 'not the one', i would treat everyone equally. Juz that the meeting with shan as an example. If i'm with 'the one', i will not go all the way to her workplace to meet her, i would simply meet her at Tiong Bahru MRT then bring her there since she do not know the place. If i'm with 'not the one', i will go all the way to her workplace to pick her up. Sigh.. Why am i saying all these..? Am i really giving up on myself rather than giving her up? I do not know. I dare not know.
What i know is, i will do wat i want no matter wat might comes. Be it gonna be 'following my heart' or 'aganst my wish'. That is all depending on how things gonna turn out.. Wat kind of hardships i've never been thru? Wat kind of pain i've never came across? None of these can be compared to seeing ur love being not happy with her life at all. For this, i'm willing to suffer together with her. Be it a short while or a lifetime. Unless miracles really exist and let me find another who is as good as her in me. So far, none. I say again, none.
One night, the star said to me. "If he/she makes you cry, why don't you leave her?" So, I look back at the star and said. "Star, would you ever leave your sky?"
To her: You think this is true and it applies to your life right? Well, it applies to mine too..
"Don't search for love, let love search for you, that is why its called falling in love, because you don't actually force yourself to love. You just fall... Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. There's a place in my heart that's yours alone. A place in my heart that no one can own. The tears in my eyes I can hide away, but the pain in my heart will always stay. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. A sad thing about life is that when you met someone that means a lot to you but only to find out in the end it was never bound to be and you just have to let it go. What is important is not how long we had been together, but we actually had it started. Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them. When a door of happiness closes. Another opens. But so often at times we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opening at us."
Sigh.. I need a drink to think better.. Bye bye.
I was meeting shan yesterday. It was a lazy sunday. The day was started with a majong session at JL's place. 2pm but i was kinda 'a bit' late.. =P So, who were there? JL, Wendy, me and a friend of JL(his camp-mate, i think). The game doesn't go smoothly for me(as expected). Once you think of it in a bad way, u kinda expected it. So when u win, you will be 10 times more happier. So when you lose, u will not feel that disappointed coz you had expected it to be. =) End of game i've lost almost all my chips.. lolx.. Tough luck day. =P Anyway, after the game, JL treated me to Sakae Sushi. O.O Though he was the only one winning, also win not much.. Treating me will have to dig out somemore from his own pocket to top-up.. sigh.. But then still got treated by him. Haha.. I eat until quite full though. Long time no eat jap food liao. After the dinner i went back home for a bath then proceed on to Jurong East IMM to pick up shan. I was late for abt 30min, i think.. =P paiseh lah.. hehe.. Then we go on to River Valley to have prata. Shan is power sia.. She ordered 4 egg pratas!! Hahaha.. I only ate one coz i'm still too full liao.. haha.. We chatted quite long and she order 2 more egg pratas for her family. When calling for bill, i paid most of it though.. Dun wan her to use her hard-earn money.
Ppl who do not know, thought that i've got a thing for her. Juz becoz she's cute? =.=" Nope. I did not. Juz dunno why, i have got no feel at all. I would have treated anyone the same.. Haiz.. I'm so unlike myself in the past.. That's why i say even though i wanted to, i also wun have any feeling..
A gal told me that best is to 'follow ur own heart'. However, 'following ur heart' will cause a lot of troubles.. So many problems, so many headaches, so many troubles.. That i agree.. "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To be loved by the one you love is everything". To me, it's almost an extreme.. Well, i've been thinking the whole day.. If she decided not to follow her heart, i will not too.. Thus, even though i were to be together with someone whom i had no feelings at all, i would still go on..
Wat is the main diff, if u ask? Being with 'the one', i would treat her all the best i can ever give. I would give 90% of my heart to her, any other gal will only get 1%. Being with 'not the one', i would treat everyone equally. Juz that the meeting with shan as an example. If i'm with 'the one', i will not go all the way to her workplace to meet her, i would simply meet her at Tiong Bahru MRT then bring her there since she do not know the place. If i'm with 'not the one', i will go all the way to her workplace to pick her up. Sigh.. Why am i saying all these..? Am i really giving up on myself rather than giving her up? I do not know. I dare not know.
What i know is, i will do wat i want no matter wat might comes. Be it gonna be 'following my heart' or 'aganst my wish'. That is all depending on how things gonna turn out.. Wat kind of hardships i've never been thru? Wat kind of pain i've never came across? None of these can be compared to seeing ur love being not happy with her life at all. For this, i'm willing to suffer together with her. Be it a short while or a lifetime. Unless miracles really exist and let me find another who is as good as her in me. So far, none. I say again, none.
One night, the star said to me. "If he/she makes you cry, why don't you leave her?" So, I look back at the star and said. "Star, would you ever leave your sky?"
To her: You think this is true and it applies to your life right? Well, it applies to mine too..
"Don't search for love, let love search for you, that is why its called falling in love, because you don't actually force yourself to love. You just fall... Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. There's a place in my heart that's yours alone. A place in my heart that no one can own. The tears in my eyes I can hide away, but the pain in my heart will always stay. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. A sad thing about life is that when you met someone that means a lot to you but only to find out in the end it was never bound to be and you just have to let it go. What is important is not how long we had been together, but we actually had it started. Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them. When a door of happiness closes. Another opens. But so often at times we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opening at us."
Sigh.. I need a drink to think better.. Bye bye.
10 May, 2005
There are so many things up in my brain.. >_<>
Will u stay by the side of someone u no longer love? I know someone who would.. I used to be like that.. I was with that person for a few mths but after that i've found that i do not like her like wat i used to be.. However, i still hang on coz i dun wanna hurt her.. She broke off with me rather than me breaking up with her.. Sparing a thought for others before self.. Izzit good or izzit bad..? For love, there's no right and wrong.. Juz like my case.. I was right becoz i dun wanna hurt her, i spare a thought for her.. I was wrong becoz i was kinda deceiving her, making her feel that she was still being loved by me.. It is really a tough nut to crack. =.= Come to think abt it.. Luckily she broke off with me after a few wks.. I really can't imagine how things gonna turn out if she never wanted a breakup.. >_<
Will u stay on and wait for the person after that person broke off with u and treating u badly to make u shoo? I know someone who would.. I dun used to be like that coz i've never came across.. lolx.. =P Ok, back to the issue.. Since that person is treating u badly thereafter the relationship fails, it clearly stated that the person wants you to give up totally. Maybe that's not the case(that i do not know). For wat i did last time was saying harsh things to karen to make her sad and turn away.... sigh.. I'm not saying that person is in the wrong coz i'm in no position to say that. =( But anyway, it's not adviseable to dwell over "spilled bean".. Everyone has got a life and it's short. So, live on. Everyone is good in saying but not doing. Same goes for me. I can say that i wanted to quit smoking by the end of this mth, however, i've never started quitting. Come on, talk is cheap. It wun pain to talk more. But actions will be paid off for the effort but not talks. This can apply to a lot of my friends in my life including myself.. Haiz.. Human nature? Whatever.
If u see a little gal running round the playground and suddenly she fell down and u went over to life her up. When she got up, she carry on running. =.=" Was it outta mischief or she knows that if she falls again i'll be there to pick her up? Depending on others is comforting.. Being too depending is bad.. Wat if someday, ur support-pillar gonna fails u? haiz.. I myself prefer a bit of dependent and a bit of independent.. Juz like how i prefer prefered a guai gal with a little huai.. lolx.. Dun worry, i've found her. *wink* =D
I've juz read Shan's new blog. Kinda quite a complicated thingy for a young gal. Got an urge to stop her doing stupid things but i can't seems to letting myself do it.. There are ppl asking me to go ahead and help her up, letting her get her own stand.. There are ppl who asked me not to go and care abt her as she does not worth my time and effort.. All 'these' ppl know her but some she doesn't know. hehe.. Letting myself make the decision. I will still care for her no matter what. Not everything, but to the best of my ability. If becoz of wat i did, i gain a chance to take good care of her, i wun want it. If becoz of wat i did, i din stand a chance at all, it's doesn't matter to me coz without that i can still live on. ^_^ Regarding why i would not want it, it's becoz 'ai qing bu shi tong qing'.
Juz like my friend who work at SLS. If i really gave her a chance, it would mean tong qing. All these started becoz of my colleague.. =.= He scared that i'm a gay coz since the time i know him(i know him before i enter army and that time i'm with karen... i can't possibly tell him "i've got a gf but i cannot show u").. lol.. Then after army i'm to working with him and for one whole yr i dun have a gf.. So, he ask me to go chase that gal lor.. To prove him that i'm not a gay so i initiate the move and i back off halfway and got myself stucked in the middle.. haiz.. He would only teach me bad things and got me into nothing but troubles.. hehe.. No lah.. actually he taught me a lot.. He taught me how to see such things easily. Wan to go in rs, juz go. Wan to give up, juz give up, anyway gals only mah.. =.=" I'm bad learner though.. haha
In relationships there's two kinds of ppl i hate. Each for each gender. For guys, those whose minds are only into sex. =.=" For gals, those whose minds are only into money. When both gets together, it makes a joke. As a guy point of view, i can jolly well say that going to whorehouse is much better. Cheaper and more experienced. Well, a relationship can still live without sex but a marriage is diff.. Anyway, i will not ask for it but neither will i decline it but still gonna depends on who is the other side. =P As a gal point of view, getting money for having my body being abused. Dirty and rich. Putting other's misery into self satisfaction. Wat the? I'm not discriminating anyone nor pinpointing anyone so pls do not take these 'too' seriously. But learn it, learn it from others but not thru the hard way.
I've found someone who is like that. It's a she and she's getting on my nerves. There was once i jio her go clubbing and she said that she no money to go so i told her this, "nevermind lah, if a bit i still can help but i will not help ur friend(who is a guy i do not know)". And now she treated it that watever she wants i will get it for her.. =.=" As most ppl know, i always give unconditionally without taking back much.. >_<>
I know the real reason for getting kinda upset the other time liao.. It was all happened on a fateful friday nite.. I was kinda being showed that someone else is better than me.. At 1st, i dun really care much coz afterall we are in discreet and i cannot show too much on my face.. That will only give me away.. Then after that i can see that guy was pretty happy with himself dancing with her.. =.=" Makes me feel so uncomfortable.. I know, this is so called jealous.. Somemore that day before i went over to the club i drank half a bottle of Jim Bean, already quite tipsy liao.. I guess i tend to think a lot of nonsences when i'm high.. I let the matter sink with a smile though but by pressing my heart.. But after a few days, they actually went out again late at night.. I felt that as if i was distanced, and i wasn't prepared at that moment.. Luckily there was no outburst.. I had myself contained.. Now i'm back to myself. =) As for now, even though anyone were to go after her, i will not stop that coz i do not have the rights to, and it's her life afterall and i dun not wish to invade into hers.. I treasured my freedom and privacy so do i respect others'.. Afterall we are in discreet. Even though she's gonna go off with another guy, i will wave to her and wish her all the best, with a smile of coz. =)
"What is meant to be will be, What isn't meant to be will never be" Haha.. "I will not forget you even if u ask me to, but i will forgive". "There's no point having an empty shell. I rather not to have anything". Zhen Zhen told Tian You "If u dun love me, dun bite me.(bitting will cause eternal life, vampire. Eternally with the person u dun like..)" Thus, i will say "If u dun love me, let it go.(letting go will not let me have false hopes)". If i choose to die, i will choose a fast and hurtful way rather than a slow and less pain way. Coz it's vice versa if u think carefully. =)
I've finishing seeing 'A date with Vampire part 1 & 2'. Both also very touching but doesn't seems to move me to tears.. lolx. Afterall i'm not that emotional.. Maybe.. Whether is that true, i'm not sure myself.. Even when my dad gonna die one day, i dun think i will cry also.. But if it's gonna be my dog, 'maybe' i will. Maybe not.. tired liao. nite all.
Will u stay by the side of someone u no longer love? I know someone who would.. I used to be like that.. I was with that person for a few mths but after that i've found that i do not like her like wat i used to be.. However, i still hang on coz i dun wanna hurt her.. She broke off with me rather than me breaking up with her.. Sparing a thought for others before self.. Izzit good or izzit bad..? For love, there's no right and wrong.. Juz like my case.. I was right becoz i dun wanna hurt her, i spare a thought for her.. I was wrong becoz i was kinda deceiving her, making her feel that she was still being loved by me.. It is really a tough nut to crack. =.= Come to think abt it.. Luckily she broke off with me after a few wks.. I really can't imagine how things gonna turn out if she never wanted a breakup.. >_<
Will u stay on and wait for the person after that person broke off with u and treating u badly to make u shoo? I know someone who would.. I dun used to be like that coz i've never came across.. lolx.. =P Ok, back to the issue.. Since that person is treating u badly thereafter the relationship fails, it clearly stated that the person wants you to give up totally. Maybe that's not the case(that i do not know). For wat i did last time was saying harsh things to karen to make her sad and turn away.... sigh.. I'm not saying that person is in the wrong coz i'm in no position to say that. =( But anyway, it's not adviseable to dwell over "spilled bean".. Everyone has got a life and it's short. So, live on. Everyone is good in saying but not doing. Same goes for me. I can say that i wanted to quit smoking by the end of this mth, however, i've never started quitting. Come on, talk is cheap. It wun pain to talk more. But actions will be paid off for the effort but not talks. This can apply to a lot of my friends in my life including myself.. Haiz.. Human nature? Whatever.
If u see a little gal running round the playground and suddenly she fell down and u went over to life her up. When she got up, she carry on running. =.=" Was it outta mischief or she knows that if she falls again i'll be there to pick her up? Depending on others is comforting.. Being too depending is bad.. Wat if someday, ur support-pillar gonna fails u? haiz.. I myself prefer a bit of dependent and a bit of independent.. Juz like how i prefer prefered a guai gal with a little huai.. lolx.. Dun worry, i've found her. *wink* =D
I've juz read Shan's new blog. Kinda quite a complicated thingy for a young gal. Got an urge to stop her doing stupid things but i can't seems to letting myself do it.. There are ppl asking me to go ahead and help her up, letting her get her own stand.. There are ppl who asked me not to go and care abt her as she does not worth my time and effort.. All 'these' ppl know her but some she doesn't know. hehe.. Letting myself make the decision. I will still care for her no matter what. Not everything, but to the best of my ability. If becoz of wat i did, i gain a chance to take good care of her, i wun want it. If becoz of wat i did, i din stand a chance at all, it's doesn't matter to me coz without that i can still live on. ^_^ Regarding why i would not want it, it's becoz 'ai qing bu shi tong qing'.
Juz like my friend who work at SLS. If i really gave her a chance, it would mean tong qing. All these started becoz of my colleague.. =.= He scared that i'm a gay coz since the time i know him(i know him before i enter army and that time i'm with karen... i can't possibly tell him "i've got a gf but i cannot show u").. lol.. Then after army i'm to working with him and for one whole yr i dun have a gf.. So, he ask me to go chase that gal lor.. To prove him that i'm not a gay so i initiate the move and i back off halfway and got myself stucked in the middle.. haiz.. He would only teach me bad things and got me into nothing but troubles.. hehe.. No lah.. actually he taught me a lot.. He taught me how to see such things easily. Wan to go in rs, juz go. Wan to give up, juz give up, anyway gals only mah.. =.=" I'm bad learner though.. haha
In relationships there's two kinds of ppl i hate. Each for each gender. For guys, those whose minds are only into sex. =.=" For gals, those whose minds are only into money. When both gets together, it makes a joke. As a guy point of view, i can jolly well say that going to whorehouse is much better. Cheaper and more experienced. Well, a relationship can still live without sex but a marriage is diff.. Anyway, i will not ask for it but neither will i decline it but still gonna depends on who is the other side. =P As a gal point of view, getting money for having my body being abused. Dirty and rich. Putting other's misery into self satisfaction. Wat the? I'm not discriminating anyone nor pinpointing anyone so pls do not take these 'too' seriously. But learn it, learn it from others but not thru the hard way.
I've found someone who is like that. It's a she and she's getting on my nerves. There was once i jio her go clubbing and she said that she no money to go so i told her this, "nevermind lah, if a bit i still can help but i will not help ur friend(who is a guy i do not know)". And now she treated it that watever she wants i will get it for her.. =.=" As most ppl know, i always give unconditionally without taking back much.. >_<>
I know the real reason for getting kinda upset the other time liao.. It was all happened on a fateful friday nite.. I was kinda being showed that someone else is better than me.. At 1st, i dun really care much coz afterall we are in discreet and i cannot show too much on my face.. That will only give me away.. Then after that i can see that guy was pretty happy with himself dancing with her.. =.=" Makes me feel so uncomfortable.. I know, this is so called jealous.. Somemore that day before i went over to the club i drank half a bottle of Jim Bean, already quite tipsy liao.. I guess i tend to think a lot of nonsences when i'm high.. I let the matter sink with a smile though but by pressing my heart.. But after a few days, they actually went out again late at night.. I felt that as if i was distanced, and i wasn't prepared at that moment.. Luckily there was no outburst.. I had myself contained.. Now i'm back to myself. =) As for now, even though anyone were to go after her, i will not stop that coz i do not have the rights to, and it's her life afterall and i dun not wish to invade into hers.. I treasured my freedom and privacy so do i respect others'.. Afterall we are in discreet. Even though she's gonna go off with another guy, i will wave to her and wish her all the best, with a smile of coz. =)
"What is meant to be will be, What isn't meant to be will never be" Haha.. "I will not forget you even if u ask me to, but i will forgive". "There's no point having an empty shell. I rather not to have anything". Zhen Zhen told Tian You "If u dun love me, dun bite me.(bitting will cause eternal life, vampire. Eternally with the person u dun like..)" Thus, i will say "If u dun love me, let it go.(letting go will not let me have false hopes)". If i choose to die, i will choose a fast and hurtful way rather than a slow and less pain way. Coz it's vice versa if u think carefully. =)
I've finishing seeing 'A date with Vampire part 1 & 2'. Both also very touching but doesn't seems to move me to tears.. lolx. Afterall i'm not that emotional.. Maybe.. Whether is that true, i'm not sure myself.. Even when my dad gonna die one day, i dun think i will cry also.. But if it's gonna be my dog, 'maybe' i will. Maybe not.. tired liao. nite all.
07 May, 2005
New layout! Happy happy~~ And i love the background song~ Canon in D by Pachelbel. It's also the Theme for My Sassy Girl. ^o^ Oh well, my blog wasn't a job well done. =/ Anyone got any suggestions, juz post it in my tagboard or comments. Anyone who wish to be published inside my 'LINKS', do let me know as well, be it blogs or web. ^_^ Oh ya, recently i've found that i dun always post daily. Anyone who wish to subcribe to my blog can do so by sending me an email with the subject "Subscribe to ur blog". No need any text. Send it to me at weixing_ols@yahoo.com.sg. So whenever, there's an update in my blog, u will be notified automatically thru mail. =D
Cel seems to have fallen out with Jon. Watever it's going on, i've got no clue.. I thot we are close but maybe not.. haha.. She's becoming more and more mysterious to me.. More like a mo shen ren.. Lesser and lesser communications and interactions will lead to this. Well, i dun blame her. She has got her life and i've got mine. Anyway, if she wanted to say, she would mention.. Juz like me, if i've got things on my mind and sometimes i wun even post in on my 'rants' or rather 'thoughts'.. Some things are better leave untold... =) But anyway, watever she do, i'm always behind her to catch her falls. However, "how to catch you when i'm not given any chance? I dun read mind, i dun have telepathy skill". =) Watever it is, take best care.
Last wk i've been ranting abt how depressed i am for dunno wat reasons.. This wk things got better.. And i've learnt something.. A person can be very good, however, in a relationship he/she can be a different person. One example i can see is Xuehui's ex.. How did they get together in the 1st place? As from wat i know, Xuehui doesn't gets into a relationship that easily.. That guy is very handsome? That guy has got super glib tongue? That guy treat Xuehui super good? That guy understand Xuehui that well? Well, i do not know. For wat i know is, that guy is treating Xuehui badly.. Mistreating her only. What is this? Play around then shoo it off like nobody's business? Then in the 1st place how did they get together? Haiz.. Therefore, even if i see a gal who's good, that may not be the case that she's good in a relationship. Watever it is, being ready to fall muz be ready to get hurt. There are sweet, salty, sour and bitter in all relationship. It's a balance of nature. No one is perfect. My point of view of relationship is juz like how i experienced getting a dog into my home when it is born until the day it died and leave us.. It's painful and unbearable. Think of it the same as relationship. relationship is juz like a life. The sweetness u can find in it is simply wonderful and unresistable. The pain it will cause u when it ended is great damage to u. Are you afraid of the pain? Are you prepared for the pain? This is not for anyone but everyone. I'm not discouraging going into a relationship but be prepared for watever it might comes. It's not abt 'touchwood' or anything but who knows watever tomolo will brings. I might not be able to live till tml nite if i were to meet with an accident. But for such things, there's no such thing that it will never happened. =)
Cel seems to have fallen out with Jon. Watever it's going on, i've got no clue.. I thot we are close but maybe not.. haha.. She's becoming more and more mysterious to me.. More like a mo shen ren.. Lesser and lesser communications and interactions will lead to this. Well, i dun blame her. She has got her life and i've got mine. Anyway, if she wanted to say, she would mention.. Juz like me, if i've got things on my mind and sometimes i wun even post in on my 'rants' or rather 'thoughts'.. Some things are better leave untold... =) But anyway, watever she do, i'm always behind her to catch her falls. However, "how to catch you when i'm not given any chance? I dun read mind, i dun have telepathy skill". =) Watever it is, take best care.
Last wk i've been ranting abt how depressed i am for dunno wat reasons.. This wk things got better.. And i've learnt something.. A person can be very good, however, in a relationship he/she can be a different person. One example i can see is Xuehui's ex.. How did they get together in the 1st place? As from wat i know, Xuehui doesn't gets into a relationship that easily.. That guy is very handsome? That guy has got super glib tongue? That guy treat Xuehui super good? That guy understand Xuehui that well? Well, i do not know. For wat i know is, that guy is treating Xuehui badly.. Mistreating her only. What is this? Play around then shoo it off like nobody's business? Then in the 1st place how did they get together? Haiz.. Therefore, even if i see a gal who's good, that may not be the case that she's good in a relationship. Watever it is, being ready to fall muz be ready to get hurt. There are sweet, salty, sour and bitter in all relationship. It's a balance of nature. No one is perfect. My point of view of relationship is juz like how i experienced getting a dog into my home when it is born until the day it died and leave us.. It's painful and unbearable. Think of it the same as relationship. relationship is juz like a life. The sweetness u can find in it is simply wonderful and unresistable. The pain it will cause u when it ended is great damage to u. Are you afraid of the pain? Are you prepared for the pain? This is not for anyone but everyone. I'm not discouraging going into a relationship but be prepared for watever it might comes. It's not abt 'touchwood' or anything but who knows watever tomolo will brings. I might not be able to live till tml nite if i were to meet with an accident. But for such things, there's no such thing that it will never happened. =)
02 May, 2005
Misery had once again falls on me.. I also dunno why but it juz come so naturally.. An unexplainable pain in the heart, mind and soul.. Which can even makes me no mood to drink, smoke and even see gals.. Is this what they so-called 'lonely'? Hmm.. I dun quite understand lonely as well.. Can anyone define 'lonely' to me..? From wat i feel, it's mainly becoz of the feel inside us.. Why do we feel 'lonely'? Izzit becoz we are alone? If u are born and there's no one at all, u will never feel 'lonely' coz u haven't experienced 'lonely'. 'Lonely' is not becoz u are alone, to be exact, 'lonely' is not becoz u lose someone but gotten someone.. Whatever u have not gotten it, u will never lose it becoz u never owned it, becoz losing it is painful thus lead to 'lonely'.. Well, how true it is. I do not know.
I found that even though there's 'trust' in a relationship, that doesn't mean u will have 100% trust.. There are still factors that can affect 'trust'.. Unfaithfulness, misunderstanding, self-confidence, etc. It's indeed not easy..
Currently i've not totally given up on myself. Seeing the past me is indeed kinda sad.. I'm short-sighted with abt 300+ degree on my right eye and 100+ degree on my left eye.. Despite that, i used to dun wear specs ever since i left my pri sch.. My vision was blurred always and i do not care(that is also the reason why even though i'm 80% drunk i can still find my way home..) Ever since i left my pri sch, i dun comb my hair anymore. Becoz my hair is short and curly. Combing is totally useless. Since my vision is blur and i can dun care, why shld i care abt how i look. That was me..in the past... Now ppl often ask me why i comb somehow center part while i'm not. That qn i do not know how or when. But i know wat i'm doing.. I used clay, mousse or gel to comb my hair straight everyday. I made a new pair of frameless glasses. All these i did are becoz of neat appearance. For my job mainly.. when i dun comb my hair, it's indeed a total mess.. Haha.. Well well, watever lah.. I've got one and a half wk more to my 'results'.. By then if ppl seeing me back to my old self, u would know that i've given up myself. In another word, given up everything.. Able to see clearly or not, i dun care. Able to hear good or bad things abt me, i dun care. Able to live for how long more, i dun care.. Anyway, i leave it to fate. For now, i shall carry on with my life as usual.. =)
Anyone rmb something that i've mentioned? "To be loved is easy, to love is easier, but to find someone u love and he/she love u is hard.." Well, in fact the hardest is 'to forget'.. I read this somewhere "It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone." How true.. I've yet to forget the one i 1st one that i held hands with, i've yet to forget the 1st one that i've kissed, i've yet to forget the 1st love, i've yet to forget the 1st one who makes me lost my tears.. All these are not forgotten but kept deep within. Wounds can heal and the scars can go away but the pain will always be remembered.. Be it happy or sad things, i've kept them with a smile.. "The greatest thing ever is to be able to get up whenever you fall, and get back to reality. Get on with life, never look back, never regret."
Now i know why there's no such thing as Telepathy.. I used to think that only Jasmine understand me well.. If now were to ask her abt me, she will get it all wrong.. For we have not been communicating for quite a long long time.. However, JL and YS are totally diff.. They can still get a bit right.. Haha.. Well, i'm not as mysterious as wat u all think.. Juz a lack of right topics in the process of communication.. Well, in army, "there's no command and control without communication". =)
I found that even though there's 'trust' in a relationship, that doesn't mean u will have 100% trust.. There are still factors that can affect 'trust'.. Unfaithfulness, misunderstanding, self-confidence, etc. It's indeed not easy..
Currently i've not totally given up on myself. Seeing the past me is indeed kinda sad.. I'm short-sighted with abt 300+ degree on my right eye and 100+ degree on my left eye.. Despite that, i used to dun wear specs ever since i left my pri sch.. My vision was blurred always and i do not care(that is also the reason why even though i'm 80% drunk i can still find my way home..) Ever since i left my pri sch, i dun comb my hair anymore. Becoz my hair is short and curly. Combing is totally useless. Since my vision is blur and i can dun care, why shld i care abt how i look. That was me..in the past... Now ppl often ask me why i comb somehow center part while i'm not. That qn i do not know how or when. But i know wat i'm doing.. I used clay, mousse or gel to comb my hair straight everyday. I made a new pair of frameless glasses. All these i did are becoz of neat appearance. For my job mainly.. when i dun comb my hair, it's indeed a total mess.. Haha.. Well well, watever lah.. I've got one and a half wk more to my 'results'.. By then if ppl seeing me back to my old self, u would know that i've given up myself. In another word, given up everything.. Able to see clearly or not, i dun care. Able to hear good or bad things abt me, i dun care. Able to live for how long more, i dun care.. Anyway, i leave it to fate. For now, i shall carry on with my life as usual.. =)
Anyone rmb something that i've mentioned? "To be loved is easy, to love is easier, but to find someone u love and he/she love u is hard.." Well, in fact the hardest is 'to forget'.. I read this somewhere "It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone." How true.. I've yet to forget the one i 1st one that i held hands with, i've yet to forget the 1st one that i've kissed, i've yet to forget the 1st love, i've yet to forget the 1st one who makes me lost my tears.. All these are not forgotten but kept deep within. Wounds can heal and the scars can go away but the pain will always be remembered.. Be it happy or sad things, i've kept them with a smile.. "The greatest thing ever is to be able to get up whenever you fall, and get back to reality. Get on with life, never look back, never regret."
Now i know why there's no such thing as Telepathy.. I used to think that only Jasmine understand me well.. If now were to ask her abt me, she will get it all wrong.. For we have not been communicating for quite a long long time.. However, JL and YS are totally diff.. They can still get a bit right.. Haha.. Well, i'm not as mysterious as wat u all think.. Juz a lack of right topics in the process of communication.. Well, in army, "there's no command and control without communication". =)
01 May, 2005
Who wants to know my little secret?? =D hehe.. The secret is "I dun like English ever since i was borned.." Muahahahahaha!! There are ppl out there who say that my english is good. Well, i dun think so. Broken english here and there, rubbish written all over, wrong use of phrases.. Lolx.. I'm bad. =P Anyway, now that i think back. During my Primary sch days.. My uncle always bought me books and want me to read to him 'face-to-face'. >_< My pronounciation was so bad and lack of confidence and with a stern uncle in front of me.. How can i fare...? I kept yawning when i'm reading it out then got scolded until very jialat by my uncle.. lolx.. Being forced to read, who wouldn't be bored? =) Bei Bi de tong si wo bu yao. However, i still pull thru my PSLE.. Then we in secondary sch more jialat.. I dun like all my eng teachers coz they dun like me. To them not every are equal. Favouritism can be seen in my eyes. However, that doesn't concern me coz during O-Level i still topped in her class. Bleahz! =P The most interesting stuff is that all her fave students cannot make it in English. Haiz.. It's all over. Anyway, i've got my little revenge on her. Lalalalala~~
Izzit natural for ppl to start to treasure when they are abt to lose it..? I can see a lot of such incidences.. However, from what i can see.. When men have a change of heart, they can turn back easily.. When women have a change of heart, they can be stern on their decision.. Sometimes i can feel that there are no telepathy between Venus and Mars.. Communication is the key to understanding and stuffs. When two person distanced and lesser things to tok abt, they will distanced from each other more and more. Sometimes they even think that "how come i've started not to understand the opp partner..?" which all these would lead to break-offs.. Thus, long-distance-relationships are the hardest to maintain. However, some ppl can proved me wrong. Yup, it's the determination that falls on both parties and not only one. Two to make it right. Have you ever since a couple which is only one person? Haha..
Hugs can make two person close. Be it a buddy-hug, friend-hug or loving-hug.. It's both comfortable to hug and be hugged.. That's why i always love to go seaside. Some where that is quiet and peaceful. Dun have to think abt wat to say or wat to do. Juz a hug with the one you like and quietly relax urself but the best i love most is hugging someone to slp.. Somehow hugging is not the main ingredient to maintain a relationship though.. Wat's most important is still trust and understanding.. Without these two, it wouldn't last..
Lately i've been thinking abt Jasmine and YF.. I rmb they have been together for years and i can see that the two of them are indeed one perfect pair.. I rarely see them quarrel, argue, or even fight.. However, after so many years they still broke up and go separate ways.. How can this happen? Well, anything can happen.. The two of them used to be a very loving couple.. Until one day, YF had a change of heart for another gal.. A more beautiful gal? That i do not know.. Then he decided to break off with Jas to get together with the gal.. However, after few mths he found out that the gal was not the one for him but Jasmine.. So, he broke off with that gal and went back to find Jas.. At that time Jasmine still love him so she gave him another chance.. However, that patch-up do not lasts.. After their reunion, Jasmine went to Taiwan for some volunteer work and when she came back, she broke off with YF.. This get everyone startled for a while.. Wat makes her do that? Becoz of a guy or becoz of a reason...? This i do not know as i did not ask.. Anyway, it has been quite some time liao, no point asking. It's better to let begone be begone.. =)
I had another friend who is in the same situation as Jasmine.. But their character are totally different in a way or two. This gal choose to accept that guy back as well. But as time passes by, she found that she do not love that guy anymore.. However, she was afraid. Or rather worried.. She is someone who always put others before herself which put herself into misery.. Sometimes, in doing something there's no rights and wrongs.. My colleague can turn 'black' into 'white' and 'white' into 'black'. So, that is to say how u think abt it. It's all in mind.. (my player is playing Jolin's Dao Dai now...)
Take my smoking as an example. If i think that it's wrong to smoke then it's wrong.
Reason: It harms the passive smokers around me.
If i think i'm not wrong, then i'm not wrong.
Reason: I'm still better than those criminals who harm others. When i smoke i dun blow at others and if ppl who dun like the smoke i will not smoke in front of them.
Yes i may be unreasonable. Same goes for everyone. Even though i did not harm u, u will still find 'reasons' to make me quit(not pinpointing anyone coz too many ppl liao =P). I'm emphasising on reasoning not abt caring and stuffs so ppl pls dun flame me for this.. hehe.. But anyway, it's all up to each person's thinking. I've got no rights to say anything nor in any position to say anything. Juz a guideline of others who had been thru before.. I always have this thinking in mind "Learn from mistakes, learn from others". May the god bless.
Izzit natural for ppl to start to treasure when they are abt to lose it..? I can see a lot of such incidences.. However, from what i can see.. When men have a change of heart, they can turn back easily.. When women have a change of heart, they can be stern on their decision.. Sometimes i can feel that there are no telepathy between Venus and Mars.. Communication is the key to understanding and stuffs. When two person distanced and lesser things to tok abt, they will distanced from each other more and more. Sometimes they even think that "how come i've started not to understand the opp partner..?" which all these would lead to break-offs.. Thus, long-distance-relationships are the hardest to maintain. However, some ppl can proved me wrong. Yup, it's the determination that falls on both parties and not only one. Two to make it right. Have you ever since a couple which is only one person? Haha..
Hugs can make two person close. Be it a buddy-hug, friend-hug or loving-hug.. It's both comfortable to hug and be hugged.. That's why i always love to go seaside. Some where that is quiet and peaceful. Dun have to think abt wat to say or wat to do. Juz a hug with the one you like and quietly relax urself but the best i love most is hugging someone to slp.. Somehow hugging is not the main ingredient to maintain a relationship though.. Wat's most important is still trust and understanding.. Without these two, it wouldn't last..
Lately i've been thinking abt Jasmine and YF.. I rmb they have been together for years and i can see that the two of them are indeed one perfect pair.. I rarely see them quarrel, argue, or even fight.. However, after so many years they still broke up and go separate ways.. How can this happen? Well, anything can happen.. The two of them used to be a very loving couple.. Until one day, YF had a change of heart for another gal.. A more beautiful gal? That i do not know.. Then he decided to break off with Jas to get together with the gal.. However, after few mths he found out that the gal was not the one for him but Jasmine.. So, he broke off with that gal and went back to find Jas.. At that time Jasmine still love him so she gave him another chance.. However, that patch-up do not lasts.. After their reunion, Jasmine went to Taiwan for some volunteer work and when she came back, she broke off with YF.. This get everyone startled for a while.. Wat makes her do that? Becoz of a guy or becoz of a reason...? This i do not know as i did not ask.. Anyway, it has been quite some time liao, no point asking. It's better to let begone be begone.. =)
I had another friend who is in the same situation as Jasmine.. But their character are totally different in a way or two. This gal choose to accept that guy back as well. But as time passes by, she found that she do not love that guy anymore.. However, she was afraid. Or rather worried.. She is someone who always put others before herself which put herself into misery.. Sometimes, in doing something there's no rights and wrongs.. My colleague can turn 'black' into 'white' and 'white' into 'black'. So, that is to say how u think abt it. It's all in mind.. (my player is playing Jolin's Dao Dai now...)
Take my smoking as an example. If i think that it's wrong to smoke then it's wrong.
Reason: It harms the passive smokers around me.
If i think i'm not wrong, then i'm not wrong.
Reason: I'm still better than those criminals who harm others. When i smoke i dun blow at others and if ppl who dun like the smoke i will not smoke in front of them.
Yes i may be unreasonable. Same goes for everyone. Even though i did not harm u, u will still find 'reasons' to make me quit(not pinpointing anyone coz too many ppl liao =P). I'm emphasising on reasoning not abt caring and stuffs so ppl pls dun flame me for this.. hehe.. But anyway, it's all up to each person's thinking. I've got no rights to say anything nor in any position to say anything. Juz a guideline of others who had been thru before.. I always have this thinking in mind "Learn from mistakes, learn from others". May the god bless.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)