Yume..?

Damn it.. Wat a dream... It's not a good dream though it's sweet and memorable.. Damn. How could i possibly still thinking of her and patch back with her? The era is over. No matter how soft-hearted i am, there's no way we can get back to the past. IMPOSSIBLE! Becoz i say so. I will not allow another stupid mistake to occur. Damn. ARGH!

Slept at 6am and woke up at 2pm.. =.= I intended to wakey at 3pm de.. zzzz.. Too excited liao unable to slp well, and somemore got that 'nightmare'.. Haiz... Later abt 4pm hopefully can go pick up my baby before going for work.. ^^

By right i'm working morning shift today but requested for night shift.. Though more xiong but i needed to pick up my baby so unless i work until 5pm then i run off lah. Anyway, dun think my 'head', ah chong, will allow that.. lolx.. Logically, someone wanna cover 3rd shift for him and leaving early while on 1st shift is not allowed.. =) So, i won. lolx... =P

Night shift made me no life, no life to anyhow spend money which is what i like.. I needed more money the next mth.. Juz killed the singnet and the penalty came this mth instead of dec... But i guess it's ok.. Both starhub and singnet are dead now. Though there are two new incomings but those are easy to handle.. Hopefully, by CNY bad debts will all begone..

Karen's bday is approaching.. I will never forgot her bday.. 5days before i was enlisted into army was her bday.. That memorable day that i almost used up all my savings to buy her a hp and DHL it to her place.. I kinda miss her... However, it's not appropriate for me to get her a present and deliver it to her place... Coz i know that she will not want to meet me.. And i did remembered my promise that i will not go find her unless permission is granted by her..

late posts..

25^th November 2007

Been upset with work lately. The drive to work is no longer that strong like before.. Committing into work seems to be fruitless when no longer being able to feel the appreciation. When I learnt that I’m the 1^st student, I can picture that in her head that as if she is a great teacher. Everyone can see how she taught the 2^nd and how she treated the 2^nd. She’s plain useless. It’s not she who taught me well, it was me who learn well. I’m making my move to make her realize that she isn’t that great. She is juz a useless fat ass. Everyone is seeking me and trying to pull me over to their department and yet I stayed on. No appreciations are fine but BOMBS? Damn u. I will show u how tiny u are. The world is not as easy as what u thought. U are not married, no children, and yet u can boast abt how willing to teach u are. Please, u are juz being naïve. U have not seen the world. Since u think that u are that great, I shall set the plot and see u fail.

It was a wrong to go out on sat nite.. Drunk so much beer after a red wine makes me lose myself.. In the end, only returned home at 7am.. Din go for my lesson due to such heavy head. It was a bad nite. Damn. Gals are nothing but troubles.

Going for the dinner later. Dun really feel like going coz the aftermath is still going on.. Damn.. I hate myself.. I hate my life..

29^th November 2007

Last thursday morning. Brought mum and 4th aunt to Yam cha for the 1st time since 25yrs.. Haiz... In the end, it's no yet open so we went to a nearby restaurant for the normal dim sum instead.. =.= Wanted to let them have a good meal also so difficult..

It's really my forte to pass tests/exams with one attempt.. Lolx.. From pri sch to sec sch to poly to driving. Basically anything.. Actually on that day, I had zero confidence due to rain early in the morning.. I'm always a coward whenever it comes to wet wet.. Lolx.. As early as 5am I lost confidence while having breakfast liao.. Rather to run away, I kept whistling whilst the warm-up/test trying to look as calm as possible, at the same time being alert with 100% concentration.. At the waiting room, the 10 testers came in one by one calling out number tags machiam 'shi shen' or devil, calling out those who will die.. Lolx... The heart went weak..

The road is one bloody dangerous hell.. =.= It's the drivers who are the devils not the riders. Damn. I shld get my car faster. =.= That stupid metallic blue subaru. Knn same destination as me some more. Wah kao...

It's been a long time since I last kept sending fanciful sms.. Ever since the mid of my last relationship when I change fone to dopod.. Good thing abt dopod is can store many many sms, like i've got 2k sms in inbox now.. =.= too many to go thru to find those fanciful msg to forward.. However, now got quite a few in a new folder.. Hehe.. =)

When she told u, "i've returned him already.", she's lying without a brain. All gals can juz lie whenever, whatever, whichever, whoever. Well, she juz wants u to bed her so that u will keep going back. She juz wanna open her legs. I knew she was such a slut thus I dun really care much. Dun even care when she's coming back to sg again. Despite those msg and calls to ask me to go find her. Pretty faces are often a deception as a decoy to get what they really wanted. Not as if I care anyway.

It was such a nice weather and suddenly it turns bad again.. =.= Felt some raindrops at my 1st shopping place.. Hope the 2nd will be better.. And maybe still gotta go to the 3rd.. If 3rd confirm, still got 2 other places to go... Sigh... Then lastly tonite still got the airport to go.. Wat a busy day.. But I dun really mind.. It will worth my time definitely.. =)

At the airport, finally saw her.. =) Though I dun really remembered the face if u were to ask me.. YX says I kept beo-ing char bo and I said such things… lolx.. well, seriously lor… Maybe a few more meeting up when JL comes back from Sweden. =) I believe the time will come. Hehe..

Unable to get the documents done despite the facts that I lost so much sweat today… =.= But all is well, coz it’s final I guess.. =) Looking forward to Saturday or latest on Monday.. I can’t wait for my baby!!!!!!!!!!! So excited!! Lol..

Burdens are getting heavy once again due to no planning on the incomings… Sigh… Wat to do.. It’s all for my baby and definitely it’s worth it lor.. =) The rain will be over soon and the sun will once again shine.. =) I dun mind without having the rainbow, I merely need the warm light..

Notice had been passed and ‘no-life’ had began again.. Say goodbye to freedom and say hi to the money rolling in once again.. =) The sufferings are merely moments, the returns gonna bring me to higher ground! Tough times dun last, tough ppl does. *wink* My baby will pull this thru with me. =)

Vase or Glass?

Think need to use what EY taught me to do rapports.. Lolx.. It's actually quite a good way for rapports.. For old friends, for new friends.. But will only do it after I had gotten my wife.. Without my wife, I dun really feel like doing anything at all.. Seriously dun have the drive... =.= Chong chu jiang hu eh..? Well, maybe.. =)

Working 2nd shift with OTs kept allowing me to see lots of OLs when going work.. Those reporting for work, smell extremely good coz the day is fresh and their scents are strong. Lolx I sound like a perv. =P

Dun have the confidence yet faking the confidence makes my heart at ease.. 'fake it till u make it' indeed a nice and sweet way to boost one's confidence.. Thanks Jolvin. =) I heard his voice saying that and reminding me everytime in his white Honda Integra..

Got a sudden urge to find her.. Lately kept having that feeling to look for her.. Wanted to msg her in msn to get her contact coz i've lost it ever since i'm attached that time.. She is an easy-catch though older than me by 1yr.. Still remember that time when I disturb her and I gotten a positive answer.. I told her that I wanted to go Taiwan and she said she wanna go too.. Then I told her can but only got a single room with twin bed.. Lolx.. But unable to find any resistance and her eagerness plus innocence makes me lagi confused.. Lolx.. Though she's small-sized but she's quite big, this remark was thrown by Don that time.. And I think he failed.. Lolx.. To get a gal how can be use this way de.. Haha.. Haiz.. Too bad, no chance to teach or show him the right way.. =P

Had juz evolved my signature while retaining the original pattern and added 'rick' to it. Not bad looking wor.. Haha.. Nice. =) Oh, and i'm quite surprised that Mr Yip called me Rick instead of Weixing.. I'm getting used to it.. =)

Seriously both paid around the same amount though the time consumed is different.. But like I said before, it's not abt how much can a person earn. Even though if he/she is earning $5k/mth but if the spending power is increased drastically, by the end of the day he/she is still left with nothing'. I know of someone whose earnings is merely $1k but his bank is forever more than mine despite my earnings is more than double of his. =.=

Sat went for majong with jasmine around. She long time no join us liao.. She's going ROM next mth coz of their flat is coming. Think their wedding will not be so early due their flat gonna cost a bomb already. That day wasn't expecting to win at all and initial stage i'm already not gaming much.. But in the end i'm the biggest winner. Lolx.. Some things are still too early to say.. Cannot pass judgment juz like that.. =) Then at nite I rode yx's bike and tongbang him to my place then he rode home.. Sportsbikes are indeed different from those in BBDC.. However, he said a no license one rode better than him.. =.= It's juz that he dun have the confidence only...

He was quite shocked that i'm in such a huge burden on me, clearing $1k+ every mth.. Well, if not why do u think i'm so hardworking to work. I never chiong so much de but becoz of that I had to.. Normal jobs with less than $2k are not for me.. That's y when leon asked me to quit my job I was pissed at how relaxing when he said that. Dawn also asked me to go over to her there to work as the amount that I wanted is possible plus more free time. However, sales are sales. They are never stable. Somemore it's not in my expertise.. I'm that realistic.

We went into the conversation of gals again. He kept saying that I shld not pay off those debts for her. Well, it's like a price to pay lor.. Then he said that treat it as if going geylang lor but high-class one lah.. Lolx.. It's cheaper for geylang lor but maybe beocz of 34D so bobian lor.. He said his 32A cheaper, only $300+.. Lolx.. Jokes aside and 'all-gals-are-nonsense' is applied to me only.. He's outta the trap and again falling into the web.. Well well, who dare says 'girls-next-door' will not have such things happening? The future is an uncertainty. Which cat doesn't eat fish? No matter black cat, flower cat, white cat, all also eat fish. Discrimination leh.. Well, facts of life.

She was right, me and yx are almost like couple. Lolx.. But I confirm that both of us are straight.. =) Maybe last time we fought too much and also we overcome a lot together.. 10+ yrs are not for nothing..

'It's said that if one eat my heart and he/she will attain longevity.. Everyone want to catch me and take out my heart.. However becoz of this guy, my heart doesn't seems to be impt to me and I dun even mind giving him my heart.. It is as if my heart is not mine solely but his too.. He didn't stole my heart, I gave mine to him. It belongs to him solely.'

So much of a random thought. =.= Anyway, back to work. At work, again i'm the usual active and no-temper guy.. However, seems that i'm getting more and more irritated by some in there.. Trying to take off my mask and reveal the actual me ah? Dun regret that coz i'm trying hard not to show the bad-tempered me.. Life's bitch.

Baobei vic called me on sunday.. She already said many times and asked many times regarding notebook.. Haha.. Saying that she confirm getting it liao so asked me abt the upgrades.. Haha.. I'm juz like her personal computer consultant.. But i'm that cheehong lah so I dun mind coz she's pretty. Lolx.. I think not long ago I juz grumble abt such case.. I'm so sorry but both gals' level of pretty are too big of a different.. =P But no desire of anything in me coz this one appears to be the same boats that I saw/experienced. Nevertheless, I will not walk out on her coz without her I wun have learn much mental qualities in EY.. =)

Several days more only.. The excited feeling is on and off. I guess i've calmed down which is great. Taking it with a clear mind is always much better than taking it with a cloudy mind. =)

Communication is always the key to bonding/rapport and keeping up with one another’s life. But too many times ppl tend to drift away when their minds are being cloud or rather on cloud nine. Anyway, I’m sticked to my belief of “Friends are forever but not relationships, at least that’s what I always believed.” The world today is no longer the same as before where the gals are always being faithful to their guys and guys are always the ones who fool around. Nowadays, both genders are the same. This is not discrimination but facts. Afterall everyone is out to look for fun and excitement in life as life itself is short. I still do value friendships regardless of genders. Friends are friends, not juz he or she.

I dun really meant to do some hurting but rather I felt there’s a right for u to know the spoken inside which often get stucked in the throat. Masks are easily put on despite revealing after some times. Reality bites and there’s no escaping in fate. What meant to be will be, what’s not will not. Given my nature, I’m easily forgiving but sometimes it can be quite hard. If there are no obstacles between me and YX and JL, there’s no way we three can bond ourselves together as brothers. Not juz anyone who called me bro and I will regard him/her as one machiam close kin. In return for that greeting, I will greet back in a matter of courtesy and not from the bottom of the heart. Juz like how Xuehui kept asking how come she’s not being one of my best friends. Well, I can be yours but u might not be mine. Simple? It’s a 2-way traffic not 1-way, I’m sorry.

Not everyone is perfect and everyone is trying to be as perfect as possible to whatever he/she can to the best of his/her abilities. Imperfection is a norm. That’s why there are things called ‘Accept’, ‘Forgive’, ‘Change’, ‘Amend’, ‘Understand’, etc. Everyone is learning everyday till the day of doomsday. A person never stops learning no matter the age or gender. Inevitable that fate might lead one to hell or maybe heaven. The growing never stops. Running away from reality doesn’t really help. Instead, facing reality is the hardest thing. Juz like facing the fact that someone actually went on honeymoon with another guy and yet can accuse me of any single slightest thing that she can ever find. Being unable to face that will lead me to jump down from my floor(20^th floor only though). Juz like being scolded by a pretty gal(in EY) directly on the face for being a ‘gu-niang’ in my own childish thoughts and yet being able to face that fact and face the cruel reality and society with bravery and guts, then sow to change myself to become a different me to fit into the criteria. Life in EY is hard and full of sufferings and mental torturing plus insults being thrown. I grow up the hard way with the defend system taught by a senior with EY enhancing it further more.

If u are unable to face this reality or rather unable to overcome this ‘trivial matter’ with me, it is unlikely to amend the crack-lines and more yet to come in the future as the future is always unpredictable. True friendships and strong bonding are not being built in a day or in a month or in a year. To be precise, it’s not being built juz like that as it requires two to make one. By making it happened, there must be tons of difficulties before it can be truly attained. Everyone ought to be given chance(s) for mistakes/disasters to fit in and then be eliminated by both parties, this I agree and I’m not saying I ain’t giving out any chances. See the timing and opportunity. Seize it when it comes. It will not be difficult if the mind is clear. Communication is always the key but I no longer had the time for it. Time is scarce and unable to fork out anymore redundantly. It’s precious and will only use it wisely. If I think it’s a waste to use it on u, u will know it. If I think it’s a waste to use it on u, I dun think I would even bother to waste time typing out all these post with that not so gentle reminder. To capture one’s heart, 1^st try to understand the heart. The door is not easily opened yet it’s not as cold as it seems to be. Tough times dun last, tough ppl does. Peace out for now.

最长的电影

我们的开始
是很长的电影
放映了三年
我票都还留着
冰上的芭蕾
脑海中还在旋转
望着你慢慢忘记你
朦胧的时间
我们溜了多远
冰刀划的圈
圈起了谁改变
如果再重来
会不会稍嫌狼狈
爱是不是不开口才珍贵

再给我两分钟
让我把记忆结成冰
别融化了眼泪
你妆都花了要我怎么记得
记得你叫我忘了吧
记得你叫我忘了吧
你说你会哭
不是因为在乎

Makes me feel like it's almost the same as my fave, 黑色幽默.

I'm angry.

Disappointed.. Haiz.. Suddenly dun have the drive.. =.= what's with the goddamn sian thing.. Haiz.. Again that feelings kicking in and getting pissed off at every single thing and every single one.. Again I dun need nobody neither do I need somebody..

Finally i've cleared it. Damn I shld have cleared it last wk de.. Gana one immediate.. Exactly the same pts minus of the plank.. 12pts. Today gotten 16pts, the 4pts from plank.. Only if I did it last wk.. =.= And the weirdest thing that I dun get it is I gotten perfect score with no penalties on the road for both.. Knn... Am I really that zai..? Lolx..

Lady luck is smiling at me.. She granted me 2days.. *muacks* =D Though I was still hoping for 9days or 7days in advance de.. But still contented with what I was given.. Tsk.. I'm such an easy-going guy.. Wahahaha...

Sunday went with my sis go make her specs then after that supposed to be meeting the guys at Mustafa.. I was too late I guess.. In the end met up at sls instead while JL gets his PSP Slim, 1gb ms pro duo and 160gb hdd while I get a 1gb ram for my notebook.. Almost got a new graphics card, 6xxx series and an additional two 1gb ram for each of my computers... Damn I muz be crazy.. 3 computers at home.. Lol..

After sls we went on to vivo(again!!) to look for Canon showroom.. Took a look at the crystals at the dunno-what-name-shop.. Damn nice I tell ya.. Eyes painful from the glare.. Lolx.. 999 roses can't beat a single rose on a crystal vase... But JL said that the rose is not fit to put on the crystal vase.. Lol.. A crystal pendant will beat all silver pendant.. =.= Crystals are said to bring good luck and ward all evils and maybe even demoness.. Lolx.. =P

Complain to the guys a bit abt getting back to no-life soon when starting work on monday.. YX was rite that despite this life, at least like now, we can juz go out shopping and eat and buy without having the thot of 'wah no money liao, cannot buy lah cannot eat lah cannot shop lah'.. Even getting my temporary 'wife' also no need to wait few mths.. Of coz getting a brand new wife will still requires me to lah.. I'm not like Jasmine who is being offered a $4500 pay job and she's still considering.

Not all university grad can get those offers.. Well, and luckily she already bought her house.. If not, her pay adds up with han's pay will not be able to buy any HDB flat coz they are too high-paid. Haha.. Anyway, i'm still waiting for the house-warming.. =)

Watched Stardust on sat.. Quite nice show to me.. Juz like pirates carribean, an unexpectedly acceptable nice show.. Watched the show and reminded me of Jenny.. It would be even nicer if I watched that show with her.. She sure has a lot of comments to yak abt after the show.. Haha.. Yes, she's a stars-lover.. Oops.. I shld not be spoiling the show since there are ppl who had not watched it.. =)

Unable to see one that I like on sat.. Maybe this sat or next sat going to see again.. JL is flying off on 29th.. We still gotta drive there.. Guess I shld not withdraw.. Or maybe I shld.. O.o At most take cab home lor.. It wun be expensive until where de lah. See how lor still got more than 2wks time..

Lingyan aka Jocelyn, is getting married on the 25th.. Quite sudden to me though not to everyone else.. Never occurred to me that they had been together for so long already.. Age is catching up I guess...

This is NOT a gentle reminder. If u read this, I believe u know i'm refering to u but i'm not naming. Anyway, again the same old bloody thing that I hate happened again. When that time I lent something to u and in the end where the hell was it? It was in Jason's hands. I think I did mentioned that u are the one who I entrust something to u, not others. He's not even a 'friend' to me. Or rather, none of ur boyfriends are. U are again neglecting my feelings and taking the thing called 'friendship' for granted. Lemme ask u one question then. Can I borrow ur I-Mac for my friend? She's having an exam and she needed a mac for her interior designing project. Would u lend it to me? In fact, if u had ever seen the intended lender or even spoken to the intended lender before, I dun believe u will. BUT if i'm the one who need it for my exam, I THINK u might consider. It's two different situations I know but I tot u might know my style and thinking. Well, I dun really mind but suddenly I felt I was being taken for granted for nothing. If that's the case, I guess taking it back from u(or him) and passed it to carol's younger sis to play is even more SONG, coz I feel like it. Even though me and her got nothing at all. At least she will not pass to her bf to play her friend's thing like machiam 'that's supposed to be the case'. I never like to get to know a friend's gf/bf. Becoz those are not even my friend, like hell I care if they are nice or clever or useful or watever. Juz like me going to a wedding dinner is to congrats my friend who is getting married not the husband/wife who got to marry/married my friend. Dun get it? U mean u would come to my wedding dinner and congrats my wife for getting married? I dun mind mixing around with 'spouse' or 'partner' but those are never regards as friends in the 1st place. To me they are always known as 'ur bf' or 'ur gf'. I dun even wanna know the name. Another example is imagine u wanna borrow my bike due to overwhelming expenses on taxis to work. I will gladly lend it to u.. Ride a few days and then pass to ur bf juz becoz he wanted to and can pillion u to work anyway. It is ridiculously nonsensical. Anyway, this is unforgivable. If u think that friendship is not like a vase, well, u are wrong then. I seeked friendships but not friends who will violate trust. It's no big deal to u anyway which is already in ur mind with ur self-indulgence mindset. I'm not kelvin, i've told u many times. And the thing I kept saying is 'gals are all bullshits', and i'm not showing favoritism. Coz, i'm no longer the Weixing. I'm Rick. Used to think that I can go anywhere to get things done for a gal but now that’s no longer the case. If whoever thinks that I shld do that, tell me what had u done for me in the 1^st place for me to treat u differently or rather in a special way. My sister is different, I can never find another Lyndon in my entire life. Gals? There are plentiful out there. One walks out, another came in and life still goes on.

My dog always wags its tail happily when I came home, no matter how sad or angry or happy, he will greets me happily with slight a bit groaning signaling me or rather awaiting for my 'sayang' or even a pat on its head.. Even if nothing was given, the next day he will still do the same thing without fail without getting angry. I felt i'm behaving like one. I'm realistic. Maybe if u feed me daily plus my expenses daily, I might consider though I doubt i'm that easy to maintain due to high fuel consumption. I'm Rick and i'm not a dog. If u dun look at me that way, it's none of my business coz it's me, myself and I who felt like it.

Anyway, I dun need an apology nor do I need an explanation. There's no 'sorry', coz if 'sorry' do work, why is there a need for police? Juz leave things as it is and u live ur life while I live mine. There's no way to fix a broken vase(not heart, mind u) and there isn't a need to. Let's leave it to fate and most importantly, my mood. I'm not ending this friendship, juz wanna let known that it had deteriorated. To salvage it, juz leave me alone for now. If u wanna end it, I ain't stopping u. I will not hate u. All I can say is, thanks, for once being my friend. U are not in my hate-list being the 4th unless u desired to be.

Saw the photos of someone in my friendster.. She's so much like that bitch.. =.= Though different height and weight lah.. But she's quite power lor.. Got the CFM-look and close to devilish-body.. Quite a numbers of semi-naked pics and cleverage-showing pics.. So much like the bitch.. Ya she is a singaporean, quite young but older than the bitch though. =) Oh well, both are whores I guess. No different. Anyway, none of my business. AIDS KILLS.

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Oh man!! Love at the 1st sight! Alluring, charming, elegant, pretty, exotic. Lolx...... Can't stop praising.. =P But seriously, the whole day yest I was so excited.. Juz like there's adrenaline rush in my vein... I was grinning from face to face, smile to smile. I'm so in love.. The time is near and I can't seems to wait!!! =( Someone saved me please!! Lolx.. =D Of coz I will treat her the best I can and give her nothing but the best!! Will post pics when the time is ripe. Hee =) =D =P However, so many ppl are disapproval of it.. Haiz.. True on many factors lah.. They had all the reasons against the idea.. My mind is in a whirl now.. Darn.. Need somemore thoughts and feel before coming to a finalized decision.. It's crucial...

3rd shift finally ended and i'm ended up with cough, fever, flu and sore throat.. Lolx.. Money wasn't easy to earn.. Haiz.. Health in exchanged for wealth.. How true.. In the end wealth in exchanged for health.. Toking abt health, is she dead yet? It's almost a yr from the day she said she will die. Not yet? Wat a pity.. Quickly let me see. I longed to see that, obnoxious bitch. =)

Read this mth's FHM. Age 30 plus-minus a bit are the most attractive and ideal ladies.. Coz they will know what they wanted in life and will know what to ask for what they wanted.. 20 and below are all kids. From 21 to 27 are all gals. I've got a couple of ladies around that 30ish and yes I do find them better than any other younger gals.. And they attract me more too. Lolx.. Maybe becoz age is catching up with me.. No longer wanting to play like the past.. Haha.. The time for financial criss is almost over if things gonna stay like that for another few mths.. Killed the starhubs, next will be the redundant singnet for that bitch, then will be dopod and lastly transport. After that will be full focus on planning on my career be it job or biz. When I secured that, my home will be coming.. After that will settle down and proceed to 3rd stage of life.. Still a long way to go.. =) As the tough gets going, so are the body, mind and soul. Nothing is impossible, juz had to beilieve in it.. Wah I sound like i'm back in EY.. Lolx.. I miss all the warriors..

Read up on someone recently and seems that her willfulness is back on track.. Lolx.. That's how this gal is supposed to be. =) That's the one that I knew all along. Some think that holding on is strong, maybe it's letting go.. Watever choices or paths u gonna take/choose, juz be urself. I'm always around whenever i'm free and available for ya, like I used to be.. =)

Saw Jessica on sun noon on msn. Oh man, she didn't know how much I missed her.. =( So worry abt her coz saw some stuffs on her friendster profile.. In the end, it's all false alarm.. =.= Kept asking me to go visit her at indonesia.. Aiyo if I can leave my work, sure I will go.. Indo-chi had the best hospitality for visitors. =) She said something that made me embarrassed.. Due to me asking what happened regarding her profile, she asked if I was hoping to hear a 'divorce' from her.. =.= Well, no comments on that. Seriously if she's not married, I will consider her coz she's a real nice gal.. =) Told her that if she's coming to sg, will bring her around for great food. That's what I had planned long ago.. One example of a nice place is Mount Faber. Superb scenery view with nice environment and nice food.. She's the only one I ever thot of bring her there.. Dun have to mention the bitch coz that time was juz to kid her, it'll be a total wastage on her. Anyway last time me and jess had the chance but I can't afford it.. Haha.. She reminded me the night at Fullerton Hotel with her.. Well, that time she's kinda lock-out and had no place to stay for the night.. Thus I accompany her whole night touring sg? Haha.. I brought her to Fullerton and showed her how nice the toilets are.. Lolx.. Lame I know.. =P But that's all we did at there.. Oh I forgot, still got take pics there.. Haha.. Thereafter we stayed at EY office for the night then next day I report to work.. Well, the moments are short but sweet. Though nothing happened but somehow that's how we got closer to each other.. She's one down-to-earth gal that I admire.

LOTRO currently stopping coz 7days trial ended.. Quite a nice game that I will consider getting the monthly reload.. Currently back on track on RO.. Those memories.. Haha.. Different feelings on different worlds. Weird.. Haha.. Anyway it's juz a game and since it's free, juz do it. Lolx..

Had juz booked my Final Theory Test. Had to wait for 2mth. Damn.. Waiting time is so long.. Argh.. Guess will only be able to book TP in June or so.. Zzzzzzz..

Somehow I dun have much confidence for this coming 28th... And this sat might be making a grave mistake... I'm still considering seriously on my plannings..

Spoke to jason recently.. Seems that things are not in good shape for him.. Well, if i'm taking the same path as him before this current job, I might ended up juz like him now... I'm not saying his job is no good.. It's great coz for me I loved talking to ppl and my PR wasn't that bad as well.. But due to heavily in debt, the beginning of that job is a killer for me.. Juz like how it gonna kill him now.. Pathetic pay for the 1st few mths and high pay thereafter.. His pay will not lose to me of coz and his time is lesser than me.. But no time is better for me coz whenever I got time, money will be reducing quickly.. Now with this job I dun have the time to spend money thus all can be thrown to pay off debts with minimal surviving allowances.. With this if I dun have debts, I could even afford a car and a bike or even get a house.. I dun need 2k expenses monthly. 500 is more than enuff then remaining 2k+ can be thrown anywhere else be it housing, cars, travels, or even enjoying buying luxury stuffs I always wanted.. But that's not my life.. I had better plans and earning almost 3k a mth is insufficient.. Haha.. Sorry but I got ambitions.. =P

Met up with kel, mike and jason at BQ. With another person called Alice. Their colleague I supposed. Seen her at JS club on Kel's bday the other time. That time went there with dawn and lyn.. The time that I collapsed. Lolx pathetic when looking back.. Anyway this Alice is cool.. A 24-yr-old mum with a daughter of age of 4 is indeed different in thinking from many kids out there.. Quite a stunner on how matured she was.. She's sorta medium build roughly juz like dawn but slightly bigger size, size as in overall size not that size.. =.= That size both also sama-sama.. Haha.. Anyway, that matters not. =) Coz big doesn't mean good, flat doesn't mean good either. This 'flat' statement is on behalf of JL.. Lolx..

It's your Ego that kills u. But what's with a person without Ego? Pathetic wuss. One had to be complex in order to deal with different situations.. Juz like how I would drop my ego with my cap being 'stolen' and yet dun mind at all.. Juz like how I put up my Ego when being treated like a Personal Computer Personal Technician WITHOUT GETTING PAID AT ALL. Well, certain things are fine while some are not. Haha. I would slap a gal nowadays juz like the past if something is done wrongly and unforgivable. It's so wrong not to hit gals when they did wrong. That's plain foolish. Coz they will do more wrong in the future. Some of them ought to be slapped coz they deserved it. I can help u do the dirty job if u wanted me to. U know what I mean and I know u are reading this..

Friday's my off-day.. Was thinking to rot at home to play game and slack whole day.. But promised someone that will go vivo find her.. Before that went to find jason and kelvin.. Slack and walk around aimlessly.. A lost ship without a destination, drifting and drifting.. The feeling of lost is back.. How I wish I can shut myself up at home... Anyway, walking around doing window shopping.. But basically am like looking at something but mind is at elsewhere.. It looks as if i'm reading the magazine but the fact is nothing went into my blank head even though i'm really trying hard to look at the magazine.. Haiz.. Finally time's up to meet up with dawn and gonna move on to River Valley while she waits for her bf and I wait for my gang. Hers abt 9pm+ but mine's abt 10pm+.. What a day, I guess.. =)

Energetic despite pathetically tired..

U dun have to tell me nor to remind me that I dun have a life. That's y I said u never tried to understand me. Ppl who dun understand me I dun really care much coz u can indulge in ur own thoughts abt me for all that I care.. Ur thinking wun make a change in my life. Anyway, it doesn't really matters..

What kind of journey am I taking? I dunno myself.. It will work out somehow if I try.. At least that's wat I thought..

Best friends are not best friends supposed to be.. But some already set their footage in me as 'best friends'.. Right, the one? Juz like how we used to be eh..? =) Who said friends can't exchange kisses and hugs? It's not as if gonna end up in bed..

A drifting boat will lead to nowhere without a destination. And of coz that destination gotta be realistic.. Can't possibly take a boat and said u wanna fly to the sky.. That's pure hallucination or rather it's juz a fantasy. It's good to dream big and aim high, but be realistic juz like how all gals being materialistic. Oops! It's juz another discrimination.. My bad.. Oh yeah? Prove me wrong then. *piff*

"i've become more matured already! Weee!" My foot. That already shown u are still being a kid. A kid is a kid, dun act big. Like that will only show how small u are. Thinking are of a total different level. Did not pick up anything along the journey eh..? Pathetic.. But it's juz fine coz that's u that I knew all along.

Looking at the current situation, things might turn out well as I move along lifelessly. Ppl had been rejected when asking me to go out.. =.= It's my bad. My work is not a normal job. Almost all do not know what job exactly that i'm doing. When I said dangerous, everyone thot i'm juz kidding. Knn. Well I can't reveal the details. My company deals with Ammunitions. Ammunitions involve explosives. It's the only legal local company that does such products.. Imagine an employee who reported to work, drunk. He/she will be charged if the guards pursuit on the matters. He/she will be prosecuted if accident(s) occur(s) in that state. Nevertheless, working condition muz be tiptop coz live(s) is/are involed. Therefore, despite a high-paying job, I will not anyhow recommend anyone. Anyway, I dun wanna recommend. So many ppl dying to get into this job. But so many being fired/sacked..

I knew mum's bday is near but dunno the exact date till I asked my sis.. Lol.. Anyway, will bring her go restaurant eat and maybe shopping after that.. My stupid sis dun wan that crumpler bag anymore. I've got a bad feeling abt this. Lolx.. I'm on the verge of clearing my bad debts. Hopefully it wasn't delayed as planned..

Handphones are prohibited items in my workplace.. Therefore, I dun have any contacts when at work.. But there's two person I can contact when i'm bored at work.. Yuxiang and dawn. For yuxiang it's understandable coz he never change his number at all since dunno when.. But why dawn? Someone used to hate her so much due to certain stupid reasons that I was forbidden to have her contact in my contact list. Thus, dawn's number was etched in my head since that fateful day..

That stupid dawn kept psycho-ing me to go get a gf. =.= Her plan? Going out together, 3 couples. Zzzzzz.. I know her style.. If I really go get liao, she sure come say dun neglect her even though attached. =.= Best of both worlds eh..? Haha. It's not as simple as what u thought. In case u dun realised it, i've been neglected. Anyway, I dun worry much. =)

Sat went sls with yuxiang to get his harddisk. Went past ATF and saw nana busy with cust so I msg her instead.. Lolx.. Ask me to go in to find her later and so I promised. Went in and created a little rapport with all my ex-colleagues.. Nana said I disappeared liao.. =.= I still in contact with Yong An leh. Haha. I missed that place working with them.. While toking to kevin, nana kept getting 'shot' by me indirectly.. Lolx.. She and her giggles. =D Then after that went smoking with her. How long ago was that previous incident that she said something I felt warming..? Almost a yr ago at M-bar bah.. Haha.. Anyway, told her that if got go ktv pub with those old staffs again, will ask her along. =) I prefer clubbing though.. Haha. Yuxiang asked me how old is she and I can't seems to remember.. Lolx.. Anyway, she around my age, younger by 2yrs I think so.. He said she's got a pretty face, juz like dawn..? Haha..

Downloaded Lord of the Ring Online, Angwar. Had 7days trial. Nice graphics though compared to Hellgate it's lesser. Anyway, I can't play Hellgate.. My pc cannot make it.. Lolx.. LOTRO is a MMORPG but also an epic Role-Playing game.. Lotsa quests in there like rescuing the hobbits, helping out the Longbeard in driving out the evil dwarfs from Thorin's Gate, etc. The game is so much like the actual story in LOTR. So realistic and alive.. Yest had a quest helping out dwalin in taking down Thorin and it's a dungeon quest. I kept following him and he will stop at times and said to me that he's outta breath.. Lolx.. Nice. I might juz buy the game with time/credit card payments. Since there's not much of a competition to high lvls, i'm fine with it. =)

Well, I did told ya that I can accept anyone basically. So long I can find myself a reason to. Yuxiang said I can tok to any gals and made them laugh and smile.. Lolx.. I didn't know abt this at all.. At Tiong Bahru we headed to the basement Citibank branch to get our Biometric on our credit cards, there's this lady attending to us. When she's attending to yuxiang, everything's normal. But when she's attending to me, more conversations other than the regular questions.. Like, she saw my wallet is from Wallet Shop then she said used to work there. Then as i'm scanning my two Index fingers I was looking at the screen with big small eyes like this >> o.O lolx.. Then she's laughing and asked wat's with that expression. Haha I was paiseh and said nothing then we laugh together. Erm, I thot it's pretty normal coz she's friendly mah..

Fate?

Was it done on purpose or accidentally..? Wakanai.. By coincidence I took an earlier bus.. Was that fated? 1st time taking and met with such things.. Whole night while working i've been thinking of it, the warmth that I felt..

It was 5.05pm and I had finished smoking and my Nescafe while waiting for my bus at opposite.. I was ready for work but a tad early since my bus normally came around 5.30pm.. Thot of lighting another cigarette but saw the single-deck bus.. Made up my mind and boarded it.. Not so packed as I thot, managed to secure a seat on the left side at the 2nd last row.. Sat comfortably in my regular posture and held up my newspaper and started reading.. As the journey goes and reachs around Farrer Road, the guy sitting next to me stand up and alight.. Not that I cared.. Someone sat down almost immediately.. She seems to come from the back seat.. Not too sure coz I dun really care and I did not even take a pepp.. She sit sideways with her back facing my side. =.= She dunno how to sit properly ah.. Already so packed the bus, still like that and obstruct.. Suddenly she lean on me.. There's no natural withdrawal symptoms from my arm.. Instead, seems like trying to support her with my arm acting as a pillar.. Her body is warm.. Maybe becoz of the air-con filling up the atmosphere.. At 1st I thot it's someone I knew.. Side-glanced her and was caught.. =.= Well, typical jane.. A student I supposed.. Suddenly she stood up. I thot wat happened though i'm trying hard to focus on the newspaper in front of me and controlling my eyes to look straight ahead on the newspaper.. She alight at Cornation Plaza.. I think that's the name of the shopping center..

Wat an experience.. Was it for good or bad..? No idea.. But her warmth somehow heated up my cold and dying spirit inside.. Thanks, whoever u might be.. Maybe I had forgotten how Celena's warmth had freed me the other time.. Haha.. Yes I miss u, sweetie.. =) When's our next meet up, for some vanilla maybe? =P

I've decided.. Still got one more wk to work midnight shift.. I will take the 5.15pm bus all the way and will take that seat again.. If it is really fate/destiny, the outcome is obvious. If not, I still will not lose out coz I can board the company bus early. =) Everything happens for a reason, it dun juz happened..

An unexpected visitor. Hmm.. I wonder how she found it. Anyway, nothing's gonna change my hate for u.

Finally passed my 7.01 but test had been postponed.. Haha.. Well, no rush liao.. =) Got more than enough time for the remaining last subject which is the evaluation of everything.. Even gonna 3 times, one time per wk, I still had enuff time.. Haha..

Time seems to have slow down or rather the speed is normal? It's a fair world where everyone own the same time no matter pretty or ugly, tall or short, big or small, smart or stupid, rich or poor. Time is money.. But time is priceless as well.. To use it to generate more money or to use it to generate moe leisure.. The choice is up to each and every individual..

Someone did asked, "How to increase one's own circle of friends? I'm more concern abt the female side.." Think back on who are ur female friends and how u got to know them in the 1st place.. Back in primary and secondary and college schools, I supposed.. Well, other than educational, it will be recreations or rather, activities. Clubbing, sports, hobbies, etc. Working environments are another to expand network of friends.. But not all.. Example, mine is hopeless unless i'm at Boonlay(currently at bukit timah) or unless my colleagues are introducing their children to me. Lolx... Well, most of those children are 20-somethings. =) This topic is so pointless. =.= Why do I start it in the 1st place. Zzzzz..

I already said, u are the one who threw it away.. I guess u din realised it just yet.. Anyway, doesn't really matter. Coz ur existence doesn't prove a different in my life. In fact, i'm better off without u as a nuisance. U are such an eyesore.

Sunrise.

It was such a beautiful sight from my place.. It's been a long time since i last enjoy morning dew and cool breeze.. From 20th floor, the view is splendid. Liang Court, Md Sultan, Riverview, Funan, Boat Quay.. The bluish sky with slight orange and reddish light from the waking sun.. It was a nice view and somehow it melts me.. Suddenly felt that i'm alive.. Never thought that my place can let me see such a beautiful view.. Saw the 'mo tian lun' from my place.. Several memories of her used to be talking abt that 'mo tian lun' reappeared.. Shld i be glad that she appeared in my life or shld i carry on to bear the agony that she caused.. Everything happened for a reason.. But still, i felt all that happened are unforgivable. Afterall i'm being disillusion..

Din sleep a wink till this morning 8am then slept all the way until 4pm.. System adjustment in progress.. I need extreme spirit to work in this extreme dangerous environment.. Gotta stay alert.. It's all abt Life and Death. Sigh.. Need to go get prepared and go work liao.. Am working 7pm-7am for dunno how many days/weeks.. Dangerous job eh.. I hope not..

A bad day.

Actually Saturday no need to work.. But no one to cover the job.. No choice.. Though high pay on PH but i prefer having my rest.. Sigh.. And toking abt that, few days back msg some ppl and there's no reply from one of them.. I did mentioned, i hate ppl who dun bother to reply. There's no such an excuse as 'forgot'. It's a lame excuse. When i asked a question i expect an answer, simple as that. If u can't even achieve the simple logic/manner, i think there's no need for a friend like u. Whenever u call/msg, i always respond unless i'm at work. And u are fast in replying when u wanted something from me or need help from me. So, i'm being taken for granted. Case closed, it's the end.

Actually i wun felt like this but sat after work i was walking the streets of singapore alone and makes me ponder on such things. I decided to have my hair-cut at Chapter 2 so i took 174 to a bus-stop after PS and from there walk to sim lim square look look see see.. So many ppl there but seems to me, this place had became a foreign place to me.. No longer heart-warming.. Left the sad place and went straight to Chapter 2 at Bugis village.

After the cut, went shopping for a while. Saw several jeans that i like the colours but not the materials.. It's of poor quality to me... Went on to search for a 'bean-bag' pouch but in the end bought a waist bag thinking of using it during bike lesson so that i dun need to get a locker.. Looking thru the watches on mega sales and saw one that i like but din get it in the end.. Saw quite a few nice clothings but still did not get myself any.. Haha.. That ended my shopping.

Called Kelvin and he said wanted to go Boat Quay find Aleli and asked to go too.. The time is still early so i went back home first. Around 11pm+ i reached BQ, Shebangs. Got a sofa-seat, not bad.. Sit down not long only, gana 3 glasses of Martell on the rock... Yes i wanna drink on-the-rock but not drinking it while playing games... =.= Vince arrived shortly after and Mike joined us thereafter when we found him near the coffeeshop.. Long time no see him liao.. He juz gotten another tattoo on his right leg from his friend's shop. Soon, it will be my turn to go on for one on my arm. =) Few days back i was still thinking where shld i go to have it put on.. Haha.. Now no need to find liao lor.. =P

That day juz watched Jay's Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi.. How i adore the female main cast.. The style that i like.. Recalled almost half a decade back met one gal like that but kind of avoidance was shown and performed.. Now she's getting married soon.. Anyway, i never told her i love her. Never i would do that.. Not all had to be expressed out. As such, i would like to keep it deep where no one knows.. It's better that way.. Oh, and yesterday the table us at Shebangs got one gal who gave me the similar feeling.. The way she look at me and the way she smiles.. Kelvin said she is not good-looking at all. Yeah i agree but i like the feeling of looking at her face to face without feeling awkward.. The comfortable feeling is what i'm seeking.. I may be able to approach any gals but not those that whom i felt comfortable with.. Afterall i'm a shy guy. =X

My test had been canceled coz i'm unable to meet the requirements.. Due to working 2nd shift now and in the coming weeks i had to work on 3rd shift.. There's no way i can go for my final 2 lessons.. Time not enough.. Guess i can only go on sundays... Since i've decided not to work on sundays anymore... Though sundays are double pay to me, but normal days with 4hrs OT are already more than sunday.. And most probably i will hit 105hrs this mth and if there's an extend to 125hrs due to urgency of work, i can also hit.. Calculated that if i hit 125hrs, that will be $1250 liao.. Weekdays there are 23days this mth and per day is $70 so it will come out to be $1610.. Hopefully can get that amount this mth bah.. So that i can clear the penalties caused by that bitch.

Why would a person paid for his ex-girlfriend? Well, i ain't got a choice. Women are nothing but troubles.

Sabishi..

It's kicking up again.. Nande?! Pissed with myself.. Thot I can be what I wanted to be.. So, it's afterall juz a wish.. Shin-daiyo!!

Was appointed to do permanent 2nd shift at work, normal hrs 3pm till 11pm.. If gonna earn OT then will be 11am till 11pm.. Well, clocked 90+ hrs of OT last mth, kinda tiring but doesn't really seems so.. Quite a lot of mixed feelings involved.. Is this gonna be my stepping stone to freedom..? It's still a mystery.. There's no sure thing in the event called future..

There's always a story behind every tattoo.. Hmmm... I wonder what's urs.. That one that's rarely revealed becoz of ur hair.. I'm curious.

I'm always ur listening ear but u never 'listen'.. Thus, I wonder how much u really know abt me.. Without really knowing me, u really dare to take the chance? By chance, this may be the wrong move that could end everything.. Being optimistic, this might be the best for u.. I dun have much confidence if I'm be suitable for this role, but if that's what u feel is essential, I might accept the fate.

She's back already. So, how am I gonna put it to get it back..? Frankly, easier said than done.. I'm not really into meaningless stuffs like such.. But I need to take it back since it comes in a pair.. How am I gonna put it forth?! Argh!! Blame it on the beer! Damn!

I feel like wanting back a normal life like I used to be.. But either freedom or money, I can only choose one.. Piority comes first but the disturbing heart cannot be settled in peace either... Was that the reason for SABISHI..? I think so.. Afterall i'm made of flesh and blood.. Who can give me a helping hand..? Guys dun work in this situation coz the opposite attracts..

Juz finished Naruto 220 episodes.. Shippudden had begun.. But I guess I will leave it alone and catch up with Shaman King, Hunter X Hunter, One Piece, Full Metal Alchemist. Time not enuff to use... =.=

Heaven or Hell?

When it's not the end, u strive all u could, all ur life.. Now it's the end, u want nothing but one thing, health.. There's no turning back in time. Reality cruelty. By looking at the past is what u are today at the present. What u gonna do at the present will be what u will gonna be in the future.. Suicidal might be able to save u from misery but in the end look at urself.. What have u got in return? Being classified as mental disorder. However, upon getting to know ur medical problems, the place dun even welcomes u even though u truly had mental problems.. Pathetic eh.. Now even ur eyes are failing u.. Maybe it's time.. I know, there's still lotsa unfinished business u have in this world.. But what to do.. Time is scarce.. Let the god cleanse ur soul.. All good things must come to an end..

What is heaven? Frequently said, frequently heard. Someone said, when there's no love, there's no heaven. Well, I agree. But do I look like as if I care? For god's sake juz leave me alone. It's pretty obvious that I dun even want to talk to u at all thus u are being ignored. I'm getting tired of all these nonsensical meaningless stuffs. I'm sorry but I pretty much discriminate stupid ppl.

I also discriminate those who bet big, be it soccer or 4D or TOTO. Coz it's brainless stupidity. Shiok meh? Why not try tearing off ur own money, maybe $50/$100 note, in front of many ppl. How come u can't bear to do that? On the other hand u can spend so much unseen money? Not as if it's my business at all. I will not spare a single cent even though u are penniless and can't even afford food, becoz u asked for it.

I'm different from all of u, dun classified me into the normal life u all are living. Mine is not normal unlike majority fortunate ppl out there.

Do u scold ur mum if she went to pay for the water bills?

Do u pay for ur sibling(s) their fone bills for years?

Do u give ur sibling(s) money for their urgent necessities?

Do majority of the bills in ur house under ur name?

Are u the only working adult in the family?

Do u have a total of 5-digit debts(legal & personal) waiting for u to clear?

Do u feed on bread while letting others eat good stuffs?

Does ur money ever got lost in the place called HOME?

Have u tried living on a $3 rice per day with 2 other adults?

U ppl said life is tough. U ppl said living is hard. U ppl are nothing but bullshits. U ppl knows nothing. Nothing at all. Whine abt how u can't buy this, can't buy that, no money buy this, no money buy that. If my 2 jeans can be worn for 2yrs(even though both had big torn now), I dun understand why ppl can kpkb so much abt Levi's and Giordano. Mine dun even have brand, priced at $35 for 2.

Dun tell me money is meant for spending(regardless eating or drinking or buying), coz mine is meant for repaying. I will only do those IF I like it and I wanted to. Dun tell/teach me what to do becoz my life is different from that of urs.

I'm not ordinary from the world. So leave me alone. Anyway, even if I existed or not this world, it's none of anyone's concern. Right. See the 'X' at the top right? CLICK IT.

Hate is the best thing.

To you, every guys you mentioned "married". Got fucked means married i supposed. Big Fat Whore. Or maybe "Little Slut" will suit you well. I wonder why SHE abandons you that time despite ur explanation and calling her a bitch. I wonder who is the actually bitch calling another a bitch. I still prefer the 4-letter-word, SLUT.

Damn.
Period.

The Ghost of You

The ghost of you. Yeah, it never went away.. Never. I was on the bridge the other day. Thoughts came to me asking me, "What will u do if u were to see her at that very moment..?" Well, nothing. I played ur game, I paid the price, game over, full stop. 1st time in my life that I hate someone so badly other than my own dad. Sin can be forgiven by god but not me coz i'm not a god. I'm me, myself and I.

What's so intrigue abt waves? Why do these ppl get so fascinated by natural waves.. =.= The color is so natural. Yes, that's why it's my fave color ever since the 1st time I did it.. I fell in love easily and easily contented.. The smell is so nice.. Of coz lah, it's the Asience conditioner that attracts me to the unique and alluring smell.. Zzzzz.. I dun need those unwanted attentions. =.=

Don't u know that I used to proclaim guardian? Lolx.. I know I bhb lah but it's a fact.. That shows u know nuts abt me. =P Anyway, it's a small issue not even worth a mention. =) Take it easy, lady. And ur health is my concern.. I'm really worried abt you.. Take good care..

Damn fatigue. If without fatigue I might have done it.. Shitty helloads of fatigue. Darn.. So tired.. Been grinding this whole week.. The end is drawing near, I can see the light already.. It's really not a dream.. I need to Gambatte!!

Saw Xueying this morning. She and her sleepy look with an urgency to rush for the train to work. Afterall she still looks great. =) Everyone's busy with their own stuffs, busy with their life.. I wonder how's everyone else.. And I miss schooling at SP.. =/

Rest is for conditioning one to move on further.. How true.. I'm so tired.. Not that I want to hug u but I seriously needed someone for me to rest on.. I did mentioned, gals are the essential remedy/ingredients that I needed.. Juz like Dawn. That time she already broke up with her bf and was at JS. When I go see her, she was so happy that she gave me a big hug. Hugging is an action to show that one is happy/overjoy. On the other hand, that relieves some of my stress. Amazingly gals had such smoothing effects on me.. =) Anyway, need to catch some slp now though it's only 7pm.. This wk-end still gotta work..

Some think holding on is strong, sometimes it's letting go...

A phrase that i miss. Hopefully thursday u gonna make it. =.= U are the one who always whine abt us not meeting often and yet dunno who is love-drunken and being trapped in the love-web.. Bleahz. Life jacket doesn't really uses its function at times, or rather most of the time..? Maybe it's sinking itself already, maybe it had drift away to god-knows-where.. =X Where's our red wine session?!?!?!?!?!

Wee.. Finally i'm halfway there liao.. It can no longer be a dream. Nor am i gonna be giving up again.. =) The day is near.. I can't wait!!!

Lagging

7-Sept

Sweet-nothings dun work on me. I'm so sorry. =.= I'm unlike those who easily got 'clamped' by 'abalone'. I can eat abalone and pay the price, but not get clamped. Dream on, honey. =)

Come on. All of us are out to have a little fun. Why get so serious abt it? These gals are easily gotten and it's not challenging at all. Sian lor. Anyway, u dun have to boast around how good you are. The world is vast and the challenge is great. What u see as a great deed/achievement is merely peanuts. I'm not what u saw as before. Well, u know it urself, jollywell u knew it. Juz that u cannot take it. Well, too bad lor.

The world is turning dark once again. I felt disgusted once again. It's an ugly world afterall. Or shall I say Ugly Singaporeans. Haiz..

I dun have anymore pillar-support.. Nor am I anyone else pillar-support.. Even though the world is gone i'm still me, myself and I.. Well, I dun need nobody... No one gets my meaning I guess. Forget it.. Maybe i'm juz a little emotional after getting a little tipsy.. Felt outside the train, it's raining but actually it's not.

8-Sept

Too shag to post yesterday.. Lolx.. =P

Flirting around is fun. Yes I agree. This 60-yr-old uncle suddenly struck the question and pulled me to attention and pondering..

"Bringing out another is fun lah. Can go walk walk, can go shop shop, can go see see, can go sleep sleep. My children are big liao, imagine were to see them on the street while u are holding another woman."

Fooling around seems dangerous and unethical at certain stage of life.. From the above quote from an old man, I wonder your offspring will look at u. Be it a guy or a gal(well, it's a fair world. Who dare says all gals dun cheat. If u defend that, u are juz being naïve.), the same thing applies.

9-Sept

I'm back on Granado Espada. =.= I can live without gals but I cannot live without game/work.. Lolx.. Thus, yest been training Catherine the Summoner till I forgot to blog.. Lolx... Yes, i'm such a devotee.. =P Only if there's a chance for me to be like that in r/s.. Haha..

That time went Batam and found one perfume that smells real nice... I forgot it's CK or Hugo.. There's two versions and one of it caught my attention when I tested it.. But it's too cheap liao.. $50 only for the big bottle one... Well, I prefer Quality to Price. Afterall, i'm a QC Inspector. =P Haven't really go shopping yet.. =( Need to go hunt for that perfume.. It's been a long time since I last seek a perfume.. I rmb the 1st one I sought after is Polo Sport, then Swiss Army(the old version which already no longer in production), then Hugo Dark Blue, then Davidoff Cool Water.. Those that I liked but din get are Tommy(yellow & white box), Aqua(think it's Elements but now I dun like that due to some reasons), Eternity(pretty old brand by CK) & Kenzo(i forgot which series). I'm fusy over smells.. =.=

Chocolates..

I guess the shopping on 15^th is cancelled.. Lolx.. See how lah, coz I had bought a Cardigan for her as a bday present.. Today is rotting at home sia.. Still deciding whether to go out to see the pc show or not.. Very crowded leh.. Somemore tml will be long day for me.. After work still got motor practical lesson.. Finally starting subject 4.01 liao.. ^^ Took me two mths sia.. ZZZZZZZ.. Still got 4.02, 5.01, 5.02, 6, 7, 8 then can take TP. Hopefully I’m able to rush for the 29^th OCT test then I will have my veh liao.. After that I can go take my class 3 leh. Hehe..

I’m damn weird de lah.. Many told me straight go take class 3 and yet I told them I wanted my bike 1^st before taking class 3.. Not that I can’t get a car but I’m too lazy to go take the lessons.. Though it’s similar to that I’m taking class 2B, I dun have the drive leh.. Haha.. I hate taking something and give up halfway..

Yest’s massage is indeed shiok. =D Though legs a bit pain after that but walk and shop a bit, then the pain is gone. A pity there dun have sauna or Jacuzzi.. The Bali massage requires applying the Olive oil on body and leaving without bathing makes me uneasy.. =.= But ok lah, the massage was not bad. It’s addicting lol.. Yx said we are sadist, paying money for pain… LOLX.. Well, it’s to relax and enjoy.. =P

When I said about doing bad things, u see me as a bad guy but that idea on ur mind u felt that was fine. You are older than me doesn’t me u are better than me. Fuck you understand. You are juz being childish so dun act big. Let me see how u gonna fall as I speculated. Confirm I will see u in despair and desperation while I will be laughing my ass off seeing that happen. Yes I’m evil. I’m evil IF I NEVER GAVE U ANY ADVICES AND WARNINGS. Pls DO NOT wake up ur fucking ideas and DO drop into hell. I can’t wait to see and enjoy!! JUZ DO IT!! COME ON!! SHOW ME!! Duh. Dun waste my time pulling u.

Juz gotten what my sis wanted. Haha.. But seems she’s not satisfied yet.. Zzzzzz… She must be jealous of the Cardigan.. =.= Aiyo, ppl’s bday mah.. Haha.. U requested something and u got it. She did not request anything and she got it. Well, fair lah.. =P

The days are going fast, the days are going slow.. The time machine seems funny.. For good, for bad, I do not know.. Nor do I care.. Are the day numbered or is the end still far..? Yest nite on the boat I can see many stars in the sky with the blowing wind as the boat sets.. The smoke from the boat spoil the atmosphere.. =.=

“When I thought I found you, I’ve lost you entirely..” That’s life. Nothing is perfect. When you thought that u had finally got it, but least u know it, u are losing it.. Reality is cruelty but still life goes on coz the earth still spinning whether u like it or not.. There’s no turning back nor waiting.. Even though the whole world falls on u, there’s still me. Since I’m what u wanted me to be, I will be. =)

A broken mirror cannot be fixed anymore, no matter how u glued it up and put it back in one piece, u will still see ‘multi images’.

A broken glass cannot be fixed anymore, no matter how u glued it up and put it back in one piece, u will still see ‘crack lines’.

A broken heart cannot be fixed anymore, no matter how u glued it up and put it back in one piece, u will still see ‘wounds’.

Life’s sux, but life’s beautiful. Cannot have the best of both worlds, so enjoying the process is still the best way to live life. Do cherish before it’s gone, do cherish before it ends, do cherish before life ends. To live with light or to live with darkness, the choice is self, no one else.

Owner of the Ring

I thought I said I quit drinking..? =.= Drinking is real bad.. Now I lost my ring.. Argh.. How the hell did I bear to give her the ring..? I remembered I only took it down for her to see, not to give her.. Darn..

Everyone's curious abt the ring i'm wear on my neck.. Aiyo, wat's wrong? Can't I have two rings? Zzzzzz.. Surprisingly, it was someone that I dun even know her name who took down my defences.. Alcohol is the root to all evils.. Lolx.. Well, the thing is now how am I gonna remind myself of the pain that i've been thru without the ring... Sigh.. But still, though she's cute, nothing interesting happened yest nite.. Haha. So worried she wun be able to reach her doorstep.. Luckily her friend wait for her downstairs since they are staying together. =)

I think I need to robot myself somemore.. Entertainments are too much to handle.. It will only pulls me down.. And somemore there's one very big party that I see it coming in a few weeks.. Hopefully there will be a lot of ppl.. Long time no club with big groups liao..

Anyway, on the 15th will be celebrating Carol's bday. Will bring her go shopping and dinner then to ST James Powerhouse. Will be starting to invite more ppl to go party together. The more the merrier. =)

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be good. Goodwill can be seen and sensed as evil. Define evil. Wicked heart, naughty thoughts, psycho. Well then, I can be quite petty at times over trival matters. One time or twice, still can be understooded.

Well, I guess it's the power of that word that brings up the defences.. Can't help it.. Since that's how u look at me all along, so be it and i'll play along. Ppl always say "Fake it till u make it." Ya, so that's it. Fake it even though u do not have the confidence and least that u realised it, u are so used to it until u always do have the fake confidence which comes along so naturally..

One side note, I dun lose anything without you. There’s no different in my life whether u exist or not. Since u keep to ur own thinking, go ahead. If I give u up as a friend, dun regret coz there’s no such thing as turning back when I turn my back on you.

Aquarius love appreciation. Even though it’s juz a little bit, u can get them to treat u even better even more. Well, try show no appreciation or disillusion, u will get the answer sharp.

Ironically, I found myself with lesser and lesser confidence in presenting myself with gals whom i'm much closer to.. Coz those were the ones dear to me who had seen the actual me.. Juz like how sweet-nothings dun work on those gals.. Well, actually I’m referring to eye contacts.. How often do u shy away from eye contacts..? =.= It wasn't easy but easier for me on gals that are not close to me..

What's my point? Dun get too personal.. It'll makes all concealments fruitless and all efforts redundant.. True form will be revealed.. I hate my true form since birth. I hate the world for making me such weakling personality. I'm still trying my best..

A vase is nice to see, nice to have, nice to admire. But, a vase is always a vase. Well, many gals went for surgeries/cosmetics etc. To be more perfect and to have more confidence. Whatever. Ya those gals are indeed nice to see and admire.. But when it comes to ownage, it will turns almost all men off. Ya men are cheap, same goes for gals.

I dun understand. I simply dun understand.. Even if really can afford a Honda Integra Type-R, is there really a need for it? Is there really an essential need? So what even though the price of an Integra monthly payment plus monthly petrol & summons & coupons total add up is not even half of the drawn salary? Look at the Integra, it is indeed cheap lor, estimated $85k only. Every mth only need to pay abt $1300 including everything. It's not worth it lor.. With $1300 every mth, can go clubbing every weekend like mad as if no need money de.. With $1300 every mth, go shop till u drop with abt $350 per weekend to spend on anything. With $1300 every mth, accumulate a few mths and can go on holiday, even to japan or to lovely taiwan to shop with madness and to view sceneries/landscapes..

Whatever.

Taipei, i'm looking towards in seeing u soon. The draw is near. =)

Seeing u more, communicating with u more, I felt a different aura in you. Inner beauty..? Perhaps.. The things and criteria u are lacking, those pull me close.. Curiosity kills the cat. Will I be killed? Or would u be saved? It might spread out, it might not.. Those wings are afraid to do its job.. Protecting its master or simply no need for them? I've got no idea.. Whirling inside with deep thoughts and serious considerations, the puzzle had to be fixed before a verdict is being passed down.. Time will tell our fates. Each and individual fate. Destiny is not fate but a choice to be made.

Do not refrain anymore coz the more u refrain, the more I will fade away.. But if u think that's really the best for u, I will let go.. =) I will not ask at all, if u still can't tell, so be it.. Too bad I guess..

Weee. Shld be going Batam again. Tentatively this sat morning going till night.. =D Shopping spree without having a disturbed mind like the previous trip in late jan. Well, fark the last one. It's pure bullshits. Anyway, ya. I'm looking forward to it.. Hehe.. =)

Plannings for thailand will be delayed. I guess most prob gotta wait for Jinlun to come back to sg next yr. And we will go Taiwan 1st!! Though in late Feb or early Mar will be going Taipei for 5D/4N. Actually I’m aiming for 8D/7N tour of Taiwan to all areas instead of Taipei free-and-easy.. Not only Taipei is nice.. Gao Xiong, Hua Lian, Tai Zhong, etc. Many many other provinces.. =( But it's so expensive lor coz I need to pay for my sis and maybe my mum too if she’s going. Guess I had to get prepared at least $5k..

Oh ya agreed with Yuxiang that we'll be visiting Jinlun when he's outstation.. Hmmm.. Guess I will choose either Thailand or HongKong for the earlier trip coz it's much cheaper and visiting JL is gonna be damn exp already considering the almost $2k air ticket.. Haha. Shall plan further, currently juz have to focus on getting more and more money into my Citibank 1st. =/

Juz now went Sheng Song buy cigarettes and guess who I saw..? I saw Janice!! Yes Janice!! But she dun recognise me anymore though since I dun talk much to pretty ladies last time.. Time flies.. She's merely 19 and now she's married and had a baby boy juz last mth.. Oh ya hor how come din see her baby.. =.= Her figure is still as great as before!! One word - Goddess. Lolx.. =P Frankly, for a lady at that age, it's indeed difficult to have such a devilish body or shall I say in singapore.. Big boobs but fat, slim but flat. Whatever.. Lolx.. She's 36C I guess, with nice waist-line(i always like smoothing love-rings.. Lolx..) without any excessive fats and spare tires.. Brown contact lens with medium length dirty golden hair. Perfect. Seductive. Splendid. =) I haven't found a 2nd her that I know till now. Lolx..

As the song goes... I still miss you badly.. It's been so many yrs already.. The heartache is still there.. Many passersby yet no one can erase u totally from my mind.. I dun yearn for anything already.. All I asked for is to see you face to face for once.. Juz once will do.. Let me die seeing u for once.. =( If u come back home, hope u will let me know.. We can meet up for a coffee.. Haven't u forgive me yet after our broke up so many yrs ago..? Thought we are still friends that's why we are still contactable? Even though u are still out-stationed but still contactable ah.. =( Maybe I really shattered it real bad that time.. Guess you are my only regret even when I’m gone.. My last wish will definitely be wanting to see u for the last time..

I will never turn my head to eat the grass behind me.

That still applies, strongly. Even though I still love those in my memories, but I will accept none.

Two more weeks!! Yeah!! Then i'm going to Chapter 2! Hehe.. Yeah they are expensive but if they serve me well, I might consider getting a personal hair-stylist and appointments every 3wks to trim and maintain/alter. Well, going every 3wks is the right way coz every 3wks hair will grow then can trim to the style. =)

I'm going back to Bukit Timah again.. Sad case, cannot use hp when at work liao.. =( That's the only bad thing abt Bukit Timah.. But still, I dun mind. =)

施文斌 - 忘不了

翻开一本旧日记
记载着一段旧恋情
每段都那么的甜蜜
往事历历在这里
曾看过多少的风雨
曾说过要到哪里去
曾做过觉得傻的事
爱过在这城市里

昨晚下了一场雨
让我忽然梦里见到你
躲在某个地方哭泣
好想紧紧抱着你
有一次从朋友口中听到你消息
我的心都在发抖
你是否孤身一人
(我不停追问)

分手两年后我还是想着你
多久没有见过你
现在你住在哪里
只怕有一天我们都会老去
只想留一点回忆
能够让我们依靠

我在一个咖啡店
透过玻璃窗往外望
你的人影无所不在
无心无魂的想你


为什么人总要等到失去才珍惜
我来不及想告诉你
要永远不分离