Silence

Nothing mentioned, nothing said, nothing to hint. He knew i'm clever and i could have guessed it long ago.. Not bad.. Can read my mind and actions. Lolx. If not would i juz simply fly away like a butterfly to another gal.. Well, since i'm not needed as much as that time several weeks ago, my job is done as a temp life buoy.. Though still dun wanna let go of this life buoy but well, sooner or later it will still drift away.. That's life. =) Juz that this little buoy is a bit disappointed without learning the light directly despite throwing a few tricky questions here and there.. Well, to be frank. This is LIGHT. Not like my past, she's married. Not as if i can tell the whole world.. We can only hide wherever and whenever we can.. It's miserable without status. Relax, i'm toking abt myself.. =) So long both are alright, i'm cool abt it. Coz i'm sandwiched, I've never liked to be sandwiched especially when things turned sour or bitter. It's neither left nor right for me. Thus i would never intro friends to friends unless u all help urself.. Both willing parties then no one can blamed me!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! =P =D =X

Life buoy 3 times in a mth.. Wtf.. And that time when the dark wings fell, there's nothing for me to seek on to.. Afterall, it's still me myself and i who will stand up all by myself me and i.. The alcohol doesn't helps. The singing doesn't helps. The games doesn't help. Only the mask that helps, as if the world is still spinning while inside the time had stopped.. Well, i'm already up and standing anyway. No point dwelling in the past. Locked it within me. Thanks for the happy moments though.. You wun be able to know that i posted this but still thanks for those days. I will keep those memories for good..

Been feeling sick lately.. =.=" That time also almost every night go.. But how come now is accompany her then become like that..? It's not her fault at all, i know.. Ppl kept telling me not to spend so much on her. wtf. Shld i rather spent on cyndi then? That one more worst. Like i said, she's like my ex. There's no way i would allow myself to fall back into the net thus i will not accept her at all. This one is different. She's not the type who would spend off guys. Rather, she is the one who had been supporting her bf. Duh.. I was juz abt to badmouth her bf but i guess i had backspaced it all.. No point toking abt him since she's the one involved and not me.. Haiz.. It's a TRAP!! But she's enjoying it. Bobian.. She's always okay with all guys and not okay with most gals.. =.=" My ex used to forbid me to even talk to her despite her being working juz opposite my shop.. Even her name and sms and calls were not allowed in my fone.. Luckily her number easy to rmb juz like mine..

Dun get me wrong.. I dun love her at all juz that i treat all the same despite anyone or everyone disapprove of my doings.. I'm like every gal's acting bf knn.. Dunno good or bad. =.=" But dun worry lah, i got my limit..

Tue whole day slack at home feeling sick.. Sleep a while wake up then sleep then wake up.. Suddenly dunno what to do at home... Play game also not right, go drink also not right, msn chat also not right, watch anime also not right, sleep also not right. Totally lost.. Feel like going up mount faber.. Long time no go there liao.. But i tio raped there, so dark... LOLX...

Sometimes do things according to mood might lead to some unexpected findings... Juz like that time went to bukit batok vicom for bike inspection then head back to cwp.. By right i go on the direct route.. Somehow or rather with a blank mind can turn to dairy farm then to bukit panjang then after Pending LRT turn right to move past the coffeeshop we used to have breakfast together then past her block on the right side.. Why did i take such a long way..? No idea.. I wasn't even thinking abt her at all.. Contradicting actions.. Juz like that day cyndi jio me out to far east.. Met her there and shopped for perfume then head to bugis to get a guess bag for her mommy then to boatquay.. The whole day she juz simply treat me like her bf. =.=" Take her bag, makan together, use tissue to help me clean my mouth, hold my hands to bring me cross the road, lying on my shoulder while in arcade, hold my waist while on my bike, bring her for supper and tabao for her mommy also, lastly send her home. =.="

I think i'm a bit too much.. I should not be treating all gals equally.. Lolx... Dawn and Celena are exceptional though.. And needless to say, Jasmine also coz since that 1st chalet she's on my top list of protect list.. =) Jasmine is inside my best friends group of almost 2 decade. Almost... Jennifer also, my biao mei. Of all biao meis, this one is the most prettiest and also the one i dote most coz she's the most guai and sensible one while others only know how to pick on me. Of coz she also dote on me lah, arbo kept nagging me telling me not to always go boatquay and mixed around with those ah lians like cyndi.. =.=" That noon met her for lunch she even took my fone and checked on me.. Not sure if she got took cyndi's number or not and scold her upside down for asking me go drink drink drink.. =X Fierce.. But IMO, hainanese gals are good wife-makers.. Juz like my ex, alicia.. She really go all out to take care of her partner.. Jennifer also half-hainanese.. =)

Ah... Nose is like a running tap! Juz now riding kept wanting to sneeze sneeze and sneeze! So dangerous! KNN! If tml morning not okay gotta see doctor liao..

Snapped

That day really snapped thus was being 'rude' to almost everyone. Total shutdown. No one tells me what to do and i will do what i like to do. Rebellious as usual, even if words are true, meant to be good, that's me. Take it or leave it..

Yest at work everyone was saying i'm so different. Not much smile not much laugh not much words not much joke, so not like me. Still shutdown.. There's no need for smile, laugh, words, jokes. Those are juz extras. Juz leave me alone if u dun like it. But well, i juz happen to forget to bring my mask out.

Suddenly aimless and lost again.. Nabeizzz.....

Complicated?

Maybe i am.. Juz dun wan anyone to really know me that well bah.. Like adam saying me cunning, well perhaps i am.. Only when with dawn, i'm purely the weixing she knew.. And only when she's with me alone, she's purely the dawn i knew.. That's why i'm her left-hand. Whenever got the chance, i will never allow her to walk alone.. As long she's single, there's no way i can get attached.. Anyway, that's not the point coz i need nobody for now.

Juz how newspapers of rumors here and there, toking abt dawn cyndi jessie jennifer jennifer lady-in-white or whoever. I may be single but absolutely not available to anyone. I juz need nobody. I'm still me myself and i. Love is the least thing i ever needed now.

Knn i'm like a companion to every heart-brokes. Lolx.. Need to drink, i go. Need to club, i go. Need someone alone, i go. Need shopping, i go. Need movie, i go. Need makan, i go. But all that i did is like never enuff to please every single soul and when things get so packed together till it seems like the whole world needs me, i am a lan jiao lang. Wtf. I got my farking own life and i do what i wanted to do and accompany whoever who truely need me the most lor. Wat a complicated world that force me no choice but to fall behind the mask. Dun think u know me when u dun even know the real me. Corrupted. Piss.

Maybe i had a little drink too much. Maybe i'm juz tired. Been thinking so much whenever i'm with her lately.. She really grew up and i'm still watching over her.. There's totally nothing between us before and she's not the kind that will really like takes me as a bridge. And most impt, i dun yearn for anything so dun bloody hell put me into those corrupted mindset. Like i said, i might be fan jian but i'm jolly well not shui bian.

Anyone would think that i would anyhow spend on gals juz becoz they act pity or watever fark. I'm no longer the old weixing. Then that time Taiwan trip i paid full for 2 tix means wat? Me and jason gay ah? Got beard is my grandpa ah? I'm now the freaking leraning-to-be-NCB asshole now.

NCB means niao chee bye. I cannot afford a car meh? Why must take van? Knn the different liability can allow me to save more. I got a farking house upcoming for me to hold. I got no farking parents to turn and rely on. I never live in comfort zone, i never had the chance to relax and tok freaking love life that always gonna destroy my freaking swee swee plannings.

Love is the sweetest little thing to keep a person moving on, for a moment, a reason in life to keep breathing. Love is also the freaking little thing that can destroy a person entirely. His/her life, career, reputation, everything single fark thing. Even friendships. Fuck, that sux. There's no such thing as beautiful endings. I've seen too much..

There might be eternity but i chose not to believe and guess will never will. Effort, time, money, feelings. In the end? Lost everything LOLX. Eating a chocolate is easy, making is not. Up and down, up and down. Not tired meh? Though i'm being influenced by the 21st Century dawn, i'm still careful or rather cunning. I can still accept anyone. Contradicting yet true. Reality is cruelty.

Some things are not meant to be messed with. I mean messy mess. Watever.

It juz hurt me to see friends one after another falling down standing up again and again. Tears dried then rolled again then dried again. But this is the reality.

Relationships never last, true friendships do. Thus i treasured every single friend. At least i had trust in some friendships but i had nearly no trust in love. Lmao.

Feverish...

Wat a tough day.. Woke up coughing, and i knew going to be sick liao.. Indeed slight fever came and made me energyless... Intend to see doc and go home early.. Due to too many patients and too busy, in the end 10pm finish work.. =.="

Hopefully next really can get to meet up Celly!! Super duper long time no see my sweetie liao!! It's my bad.. That time only my best female friends num are saved to my pixon with pics on and those numbers are gone when i format my pixon.. Luckily many i got retrieved back like my ex's, dawn, jess, etc.. =.="

I need more vitamin M liao.. Need to recover all my loans out there.. Coz when sold my bike, my expenses will surely go up due to liability of my car and can't afford to anyhow spend... Drinking shld be cut.. Dating shld be up.. =x

Feel like going swimming and gym.. Juz so suddenly got the urge.. Well, cali fitness is definitely out.. I juz can't stand gays.. Maybe true yoga from vivo.. Or budget, safra club.. Lolx.. I miss Fort Canning Club.. Swimming, sauna and jaccuzi.. OMG!!

Why am i always looking back at the closed doors..? Haiz.. They cause so much misery.. I need my happy pills too.. Torn wings i have had.. Anyone out there to fix me up..? Izzit really so hard to let go...? Merely more than a yr together.. No status no commitment no nothing juz pure companionship to her.. Why am i still so upset..? So i do loved her though initially only needed someone...?

I'm not emo today.. Juz feel empty and still aimless, still directionless..

华丽的房间
孤独在旁边
唱不出快乐
伤悲是附赠的
歌词字里行间
弥漫着思念
眼眶是防线
强忍决堤崩溃

敬失恋一杯
就把回忆灌醉
点点滴滴过去
还在歌里徘徊
勇气再多一点
就能潇洒一些
笑说我无所谓

敬昨夜一杯
今晚独自过夜
怎么我的视线
还有你的画面
既然爱要不回
在情歌里找一点安慰

分手有多快乐
我努力体会
在ktv过夜
算不算是起点
没有你的世界
是如此乏味
我声嘶力竭
你有没有听见

敬失恋一杯
就把回忆灌醉
点点滴滴过去
还在歌里徘徊
勇气再多一点
就能潇洒一些
笑说我无所谓

敬昨夜一杯
今晚独自过夜
怎么我的视线
还有你的画面
既然爱要不回
在情歌里找一点安慰

The day when i drank alone..

Suddenly feel tired again.. Lolx.. Alone in the pub drinking beer till 3am+.. Wah if i carry on like that drinking, sooner or later sure gana scolded by my biao mei jennifer again.. Lolx.. She kept nagging at me liao.. Still wanna tag along somemore.. =.=" Haiz.. Juz now msg her and told her i unable to meet her for dinner on tue.. Due to my RT in the evening.. And tue also my off day.. Whole day juz like that burnt..? Sian.. Then upon finishing msg, gana a good nite kiss from her. =.=" I was like, wtf.. Lolx.

Think not only i drunk, she also drunk liao.. Lolx.. Anyway, among all my 9 biao mei, she's the only one closest to me and also the prettiest of all.. My ex did saw her during CNY and she also said jenn very pretty. Lolx.. Well, definitely she is. And somemore she already taking care of the family by sharing burden with her older sis Amy.. Such gal hard to find.. If anyone were to bully her, i sure go all out. Same goes for all my close friends.. I treat everyone else juz like my family members.. Of coz, especially gals.

There'll be some exceptions lah.. Juz like how i dare to allow carol to follow my group of not so close friends to go for supper after drinking.. Juz like how i allow a drunk cyndi to go alone to meet her own friends after work despite knowing she totally drunk.. Juz like how i allow a friend to 'dance' with Jasmine at club when they dun even know each other.. Anyway, not impt lah.. Those who i really protect, i will. Play is play, some things are not meant to be played with. Juz like my samsung promotor, though not very close but i will still protect her. Needless to say for those who i'm very close to.

Suddenly cyndi called me and told me she at vivo this noon.. Said she's shopping alone.. Disturb her and asked how come dun ask other guys to accompany her since she got so many around her.. Said scared i dun like and also she dun usually ask guys to accompany her for shopping.. =.=" I mean, i dun even bother if u gonna ask another guy or not, watever for telling me all these.. There was once when i was toking to her on the fone, somehow or another i felt she's so much like nickole.. =.=" Except that figure totally not comparable lah.. But either way, anything that brings back bad memories are all outta of my league.. Mainly childish youngsters and married women and also wu-fa-zhang-wo.. Erm, though my biao mei is 19 but she's different.. Lolx.. =P And i'm especially attracted to gals who smell nice and/or nice eye contacts which can makes me feel comfortable when i look into their eyes and dun feel shy.. Lolx! I sound like a perv.. =X

Think will be having a wishlist coming out when i changing my blogskin.. Those things will be what i need to go shopping for, alone.. I dun really enjoy shopping with ppl coz i always dunno what i want and indecisive which always make ppl uneasy, so i rather walk alone..

Tired.. I need some sleep already.. Gotta settle for my bike tml..

The end is near.. The dream is near.. I hope i hope.. I pray i pray.. Class 3 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ =D

Posted for my bike, trying to get it out of my hand so that i can move on to getting my 4-wheels.. I dun wanna pay both at the same time.. Will die lor with this kind of pay i'm getting... Though i'm still better off some of my friends lah.. Study more doesn't mean u will confirm earn more. Duh.. That time when did a 1-time pass on my class 3, somehow happy somehow not very.. Happy coz no need to take again and waste money.. Not coz sibei sian, always 1-time passes.. LOLX! Really mah.. PSLE, N-Level, O-Level, Poly tests, basic theory, final theory, riding theory, class 2b, class 2a, class 3, army class 3. =.=" But it's a story that u can brag for life.. lolx..

All thanks to pay delay, mountain getting higher and higher.. All thanks to pay delay, savings going up and up... All thanks to pay delay, loan-outs more and more.. =.=" My life is indeed a mess. Damn when will i ever get my house..?

Leaving for good? Maybe soon.. Preparation in progress.. Suffer now and enjoy later.. Maybe i shld? Ya, maybe i shld..

Drinking is not evil, i am evil.. =.="

Clarifications:
1. I do have a little interest in her in the past but somehow got turn off really bad by her attitude and behaviour at work. I know everyone told me she's not very good-looking but well, i'm an anything guy so long i feel comfortable.. But well, i'm not comfy anymore.

2. There's nothing between me and samsung, that's why i blew up and got heated. Not that i cannot take jokes but i cannot take it when ppl disturb others juz becoz of me. Simple. Wanna disturb me all the way, i'm fine but leave her alone.

3. I go drinking place is not entirely becoz of her. That place the other boss is my good brother, mr chris. We used to brave the front together and faced the storm. I told leon, if i dunno the boss at all i dun even intend to go for even once.

4. There's nothing going on between me and her. Though i'm an anything guy but i dun really anyhow eat fish whether fresh or rotten. I got my own taste bud. Whatever i dun like, i will never eat even if it's been forcible to my mouth. I may be a wolf but absolutely not a hungry wolf.

5. There's nothing going on between me and her whether got many many soft toys or not. I can treat each and every gals juz like my own gf but doesn't mean they ARE my gf. =.=" I'm all along like that to everyone. Even my best friend's gf last time when we go clubbing.

6. It's not that i always wan to be late for work.. I'm not taking things for granted.. I think i really had a bit too much inside me or maybe i'm really getting old already.. Maybe i really shld...

Saw that gal twice and somehow she seems to know me at the 1st time we met.. o.O Again, many said she's a flop and cannot make it. But the eye contact is mutual.. Since dunno when i last came across a gal whom i can look her into her eyes and i dun feel shy yet comfortable.. Wtf.. Wat's going on with me..? Maybe i'm destined to walk alone..?

Long time never woo gals liao, like machiam dunno how to woo le.. Lolx.. Previous and previous both also no need to woo de coz it's the other way round... Then with this two rs already past 4yrs liao.. Really rusty le.. So, whenever i feel that i'm getting it, i will refrain.. I'm a happy pill to many but hard to be a longevity pill.. Layman term, i can make many ppl happy as a happy pill, but i also made myself a longevity pill to certain special someone but always got walked out and abandoned.. So, watever for to be a longevity...?

Human are very funny creatures... When ppl treat u good, u 'might' not really appreciate nor even really rmb it.. But when u treat ppl good, u will always feel better more shiok.. This is call fan jian. =.=" Juz like how good nickole that time treat me, i always wanna treat huiwen, connie and raine better than i treat nickole.. =.=" Of coz got many more gals name no mention lah.. Then when she treat me bad, however good dawn wanna treat me i longing to treat nickole good..

(女)白茫茫的星光
洒在长长路上
想念的冰凉
你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑
深似海的眼光
都能掀起我
滔天的巨浪

(男)你相信吗
这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗
哪怕拥抱
在身上
画下深深的伤

(合)只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点

(女)白茫茫的星光
洒在长长路上
想念的冰凉
你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑
深似海的眼光
都能掀起我
滔天的巨浪

(男)你相信吗
这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗
哪怕拥抱
在身上
画下深深的伤

(合)只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点

(女)如果相爱是错
(男)错过又算什么
(合)这一次我们
宁死不放手
往彼此的心里跳
跳过天荒地老
wo oh ...
只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前

我们要一起

好好迎接那句点

累了照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例想你了
好怕一放心睡了
心跳在梦中不听话的就停止了

听着呼吸像浪潮拍动着
越没力越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏都难掌握

如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心

如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白著头发蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你我不怪你

快乐什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的最舍不得

如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心

如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你

如果我变成回忆最怕我太不争气
顽固的赖在空气霸占你心里每一寸缝隙
原来依然爱我的你痛苦承受失去
这样不公平请你尽力把我忘记

Thanks for the song. I love it.. Din really notice this song till u posted it..