Drive..

Someone said i wun have the drive if i were to go somewhere familiar to work.. Well, the truth is i dun even have any drive for anything regardless where and when.. Can see and feel a few opportunities but i juz dun have the drive.. Lifeless.. Not in terms of finding gals or something.. I've got no interest in those.. Spare me..

Maybe monday meeting ex gf karen coz it's her bday. Tue meeting old close friend Celena. 18th meeting Estee as promised her to accompany her whole day since it's her bday. After 20th meeting huiying, been trying to get her to go out. Dawn as usual, on and off meeting her. Planning for a trip down to Celine's pub one fine night for a drink. Movie with Jocelin still pending as she claimed she's too busy with sch..

Like so many events and Desmond gonna say me happening, though i'm not as happening as him with SO MANY pretty XMMs around him meeting him. =x But then, i still feel lifeless, so empty and mindless...

Juz like today went bukit timah to take stock then when going back to wdl i took a long route via cashew road... The road i used to always take whenever i sent her home on my bike last time.. In fact, wanted to turn in into her block area somemore... This is so ouch... Till now her phone still can't get thru so i think she lost her phone or something then change number to a free in-coming post-paid instead of the one she using prepaid.. Bah.. I'm so full of her..

Dawn said me and kel same like her.. Feeling a bit of 'wen xing' will withdraw almost entirely.. Wrong leh.. In fact only me and kel is like that lor.. The fear of love-trap.. Coz we dunno how to hit-and-run? =.= Never crossed my mind..

Need to find back my soul.... Where are all my missing pieces???

Her..

When being asked, "Do u still have her photos?"

Well, yes... Even after shit happens i still kept those.. After all, those are juz memories.. =) That doesn't mean anything at all..

Drift and drift..

Cold and warm then warm and cold..

This doesn't mean anything.. I'm still me afterall and i'm not leaving no matter what happen.. Juz i will definitely draw line and be back myself.. When i intend to go shopping, i will still intend to go alone.. When i intend to go ktv, i still intend to go alone though i nv tried.. Mr bay got more experience in this.. Haha.. Well, i juz wish to be alone.. Afterall, i'm not "owned" by anyone and no one controls me. So if i dun feel like going out means no..

I'm not giving out my game for anyone. No way, man.. My virtual world is more impt than anything else except for work, i still need to eat.. lolx.. I'm not inviting jealousy or being biased.. =.= At least i feel certain ppl deserved a little better from me. It's not as if i din give in to whatever u feel like it.. U think i'm the best but that doesn't mean i'm the best coz i'm the one to decide what am i.

So if i regards her as my best friend then she will be my best friend. Not juz anyhow nia.. Xuehui used to keep pestering me to regard her as one juz becoz she felt something diff between me and my bff. Well, puppy eyes dun work when the heart matters.. Juz friends will do, i do not wish to demote somemore..

Some things when it's gone, it fade away gradually.. What a man chases in life, runs away. Even if it's a woman.. Haha..

The feeling of wanting to get drunk is back... But somehow, something is holding me back.. But i yearn for the feeling of crowded places with loud music when drunk.. The last was Sing Thai Disco... That was great but dangerous.. So dangerous but so great the feeling of drunk.. I'm sorry but not feeling of gals. Ya she's working that nite at there but nothing liao.. Never started, no need for ending.. Anyway, nothing actually happened.. =.=" This ironical phrase came to me suddenly and it's from an unexpected someone, "Sex, it either enhance the relationship or it worsen it." It's juz like "more than a handful is wasteful" then become "Nothing is perfect, Perfect is nothing." Wtf am i spouting? o.O I'm tired i guess..

A fruitful day

Wat a long day today.. Early morning went buy stocks then delivery to west coast then boss went lunch haven't sign cheque yet thus proceed to tua for another delivery then back again for cheque..

Report timely even got time to clean car a bit.. Lolx.. Dropped my nokia and now cannot "talk".. =.=

After work pick up dawn from vivo then go golden cafe to eat.. Headed to whale to support cindy a little.. Quite a normal place but why so many waitress sia..

Before sending dawn home, met up celine for a smoke.. Reached home ard 5.30am and realised i'm so damn hungry.. Maggied then now blog a little ba.. Haha.. Tired..

In fact, thought of sending celine home also as she work till 6am and no need to slp liao coz have to go work almost immediately... But she said she can handle.. Silly.. I working 4pm lor....

While at golden cafe seeing xiao ling from afar, her new style really made her look like her... Can't help kept looking at her while she talking to cust at outside... Sigh.. Missing piece.. Nothing but a memory..

Quite stun by cindy also.. Think she's a bit drunk liao..

So that's the place... Last time sassy bar... Memories.. Haiz.. So familiar yet so unfamiliar.. Mixed feelings..

Shit lah its the beer effect... Sorry it's not that i wanna emo de.. Today too much memories like adrenline rush.. Okok if u dun emo i will not emo ok.. =)

She's like last time karen, strive so hard becoz of a future.. =) I'm always a pillar support for independent.. I'm looking towards 2012 ok? A little break and i'll try to make it fulfilling to mark ur day ok? =)

Heard this song 我的回忆不是回忆。。。I think so bah.. Will try host it when i wakey.. =)

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礼物

I damn like that song. Freak. So darn emo. Or rather it's more of comforting of giving up than emo-ing.. Somehow or rather, connected.. =.= ironic..

Has it started? Different views already?Dun think it's the paranormal effect.. Hmm.. Anyway, doesn't really matters anymore. New lease. Time to let go.. =) anyway, it's juz another footprint. Lolx

Shocked by her today.. =.= Despite that, the smile is there.. =) Not once but twice... Haha.. Looking forward to the day. If really take leave ah, i die die also will take even if its gonna be a wkend.. =D

Wings are no longer needed. Perhaps another direction bah.. Nabeiz this is so Aion. Lolx kinda addictive haha..

Sometimes telling the truth is so fake, telling the fake is so true.

Therefore,
The truth has to be fake.
The fake has to be true.


Ya, i love you. =)

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刘力扬 - 礼物

终于可以在今天划上句点

一整夜翻阅过去画面

快想不起我们为何会诀别

只看到那双你送的鞋

走一步又一步

我才发现绕了个圈

走了好几年

又回到原点

你送的礼物会不会太特别

毫不避讳那不安的传言

但渐行渐远习惯到没感觉

难道你早想要我走远

你送的礼物在此刻好体贴

陪我回忆把过往走一遍

穿了这些年难免会有污点

就像每段爱总会有终点

世上最残酷的恐怕是时间

困住人一切却还向前

干涸的眼再挤不出一点咸

爱到如此可悲的境界

走一步又一步

却跟不上你的脚步

你满意了

为什么我却只想要哭

你送的礼物会不会太特别

毫不避讳那不安的传言

但渐行渐远习惯到没感觉

难道你早想要我走远

你送的礼物在此刻好体贴

陪我回忆把过往走一遍

穿了这些年难免会有污点

就像每段爱总会有终点

你说做自己吧

我们都做回自己

不要再为爱受委屈

你送的礼物原来是一场劫

终于分别夙命一样准确

可笑到想要你赔给我时间

爱情有时廉价得可怜

光著脚我一路奔跑

鲜血泪水一路狂飙

收起我的骄傲

承认曾经备受煎熬

鞋上那记号

只有你能明了

过了这一夜

我就全忘掉

Simply love this song.. Juz dunno why.. Love means love, there's no why.. How the hell do i know why i love..

migraine

Early in the morning wanna go fetch dawn for work.. Woke up 9.30am and its mission impossible for her not to be late.. Hence, she "pronten" from work.. =.=

Today's sales sucky only managed to close 2 sets plus 1 external set.. =.= wan to jump liao like that..

Picked dawn up from boatquay then we went katojian for curry rice.. Thereafter, sent her back and we had a drink downstairs her place till abt 3am before i walked her upstairs.. Then i reached home around 3.30.. The pain doesn't go off.. Nabeiz... Head damn pain..

We can be as close as whoever can imagine but there's nothing between us juz like how i would with any gals.. =.= Juz like how i can fetch jocelyn up from rebel sent her home to woodlands and let her slp in my car till 5.30am and accompany her up to her doorsteps before heading home despite working morning..

In the meantime i juz do not wan anything to do with relationships. For i do not have the time for it.. Hands are like so full and schedules unpredictable... I can be like a part-time temp bf/fling to anyone juz to fill emptiness but not yet to fully commit.. And i'm not even a fling to anyone yet. Somehow or rather juz an acting bf feeling, or maybe i need some gf feelings sometimes..

Juz like how 2 person came back.. How warming though those are juz memories... Talking abt the past.. Sweet.. Yea but i'm not juz that capable to every..

I can be still be as close to u as before but u gotta know me.. I like the feeling of ppl knowing me without me telling yet hitting the "g-spot".. I'm cunning enuff to send so much fakes and yet if u able to catch the real me, the better i'm gonna treasure friendship.. And not always by assuming.. I may seems complicated but well in complications there bound to be truth.. Get to know a person is not by reading and seeing. It's the feel.. As if however good i'm treating my gals i'm not gonna treat u that way.. That's not true.. I care for every single soul even as a passerby. The amount is determine by that person not me. Actions, words, everything means something.. Not juz calling sweetie will means i'll have to go all out to treat u like a princess.. Gotta earn that credit and respect.. Well, tat's me.

Only her can still make me comfortable even after like so many yrs not much in contact... Even after marriage, we can be like so close. I feel i can tell her everything that can takes up to few yrs to finish talking.. I love to talk in nature but gals always love to talk more which always no chance to talk more.. Otherwise will be so many comments.. I juz need ppl to listen not comment or debate..

I'm tired liao.. More and more pain already my head..

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PSPs

29 sets of PSP 2006. All ready and charged. =)

Another 4 sets being ordered by same client yest. =.= Rush like mad, racing with time. Haha..

Anyone got suggestions for xmas special and valentine special?


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Tiring yet fruitful night.

Reported work early so that i can go off early to settle my stuffs.. Early in the morning trying to get the season parking but failed coz i do not have the logcard for the car to prove i'm the owner, well, i'm not. =.=" It's under my aunt's, cheaper insurance.. Lolx.. So they charged me $140 for parking then offered me $90 for another place for parking. Damn far. =.=" Damn dulan so headed work immediately.

Bad day but luckily still managed to close 3 sets before i went off to serangoon. Do all the way till 1am then settle everything. =.=" Shag out.. Surprisingly they had trust in me. Though it's no big deal of goods worth close to $8k lah.. But, hell i'm amused. That makes me wanna contribute more and do my part better.

Tml will be a long day.. Need to settle for my bike then need to go bendemeer then maybe bugis. After that meeting partner to deliver the goods in my car as well as taking some stocks from bukit batok and fortune then have to put the new goods back to my partner's house. Kelvin jio at night go Lavender siam diu, to see my ex thai gal. Well, i dun really interested to see. lolx.. Arbo long ago when i learnt she's back i would have chiong go see her liao.. Aiyo business more impt lah.. =.="

Thus, lately i kept discriminating love and r/s. Knn waste time and money only. It's not the time yet to say much now coz i'm not yet officially in the listing but a few of my colleagues and friends already knew. Everything starts from small. No way for one foot up heaven. Therefore, when jessie ask me to go ngee an work, i'm unwillingly so. 1st, it's not becoz of anyone. 2nd, hp/compaq no longer a 'house brand' for this giant company. 3rd, pay is miserable and i only use it to cover my monthly stuffs. My perspective goal is not that small even if to give me a SUPER A STORE i also dun need. Will only make me busy nia. Not as if they gonna give me $5k for that. $5k comm would mean at least $500k worth of sales and i'm like getting 1%. =.=" I'm aiming $250k for my company, at least i can see the fruits for even better prospect in expanding even more till auto-run. That's the ultimate goal for the 4 of us.

Anyway, reveal a bit lah not as if i would jeopadise my job. Anyone who's looking for games and/or consoles can look for me. Even blackberry high capacity batteries at great price compared to a regular batt sold in store. We've got 2500mAH. Light-weight somemore. =.=" Made in USA and warranty still stands officially by us. Games and consoles prices may be steep but FREE delivery to doorstep. We accept COD & paypal. Already got alot of pre-orders for the two hottest titles, Dragon Age & L4D2. This mth sales damn good.. Lolx. And would be pretty busy out of my working hours.. For more info, www.dexcube.com or on pricing and availabilty can email/text/msn/call me direct. My GM got the pricing listing direct from distributors. More services coming in also in the coming year. National Library sat event starting on 14th Nov, we are one of the co-partners. =) Next year, many interesting events upcoming also. Sneak hint, the 'new' building beside cineleisure, we might be involve as well. Exciting events..

Heard of a bad news as well.. My friend from sim lim square juz passed away.. If u guys read the news, Newlywed groom found dead at hotel driveway.. Jackie, big boss and co-founder of his company, Renova.. Sad.. The company is big and well-known. Boss is happily married. Tragedy happened.. Unexpectedly.. Sad...

Today was on msn with karen almost the whole day thru-out work.. She's my ex gf when we are in poly till i enlisted in army.. We really chat like bosom friends.. Abt her bf, her ex bf, my ex gf, our work, our trips, etc. She's so fave of aussie and her ex is aussie, sydney i believe or maybe brisbane. She din mentioned. Anyway, she love travelling.. Been to so many of the European countries.. >.< Greece, Italy, Australia, etc. Many many more untold.. But i've been to Melbourne and she's not, only to Sydney, Brisbane and Gold Coast.. =.=" Then she actually mentioned that i'm sweet.. Lolx.. Juz becoz i helping her ex bf to look for a multimedia harddisk player. Lolx.. She mentioned twice not one, on two occasions. =.=" Then she want me to promise her that i will NEVER go back to my ex even though she were to come back to me.. Well, sweetie. Among so many so many gals, u are the 2nd longest known gal who is close to me and it's kinda sad that u do not know that i will never turn my head to eat the grass behind me.. Even if i were to bite my lips to bleed and walk away in pain, i would never return.. So, don't worry ya? =)

Weihong seems weird juz now on msn.. =.=" He's been T-ing me up when i'm juz nothing really.. Bro, i'm juz like you and in fact far worst. I'm on downhill, at least u are on even ground.. My mindset is not what i wanted but is what i desired. Career and future are to work smart for, not work hard for.. Some things can never be taught, can only be influenced. Like how i always pull ppl up by infuencing and not teaching.. Give a man a fish and he lives for a day, teach a man to fish and he can live much longer even till old..

If ppl around u are gamblers, u might go into gambling.
If ppl around u are slackers, u might go into slacking.
If ppl around u are rich, u might go into building wealth.
If ppl around u are playful, u might go into childish.

Fit in and blend into the right environment, let environment influence u to become better. However, really 'strong' ppl would change themselves to adapt to the environment and make full use of the environment to their own advantages. Juz like "So what i siam all the netbooks and nab all the nabsters? I still have the last laugh despite ppl behind scolding LaSap." Wah i realised i machiam toking abt myself... LOLX! Well fark, his pay is way FEW TIMES higher than mine. Though he still got nothing but he is still strong. Got the resource and system to make that money so why not. Juz like 1427 worth $70, i will also chiong like mad till everyone is a foe. Juz like if A600 worth $100, i will also do that. My company sux and they will never release such incentives. Cheapo. Even Gateway can earn more.

So how is ngee an better than cwp? =.=" Even vivo. So what sia. Still peanuts to me. Lolx.. I rather have great friends and colleagues, and earn my survivable pay. Afterall, one year odd liao.. When i focus, rarely i would divert..

How the hell she knows abt lullaby? Nabeiz.. I dun rmb mentioning it here lor.. Even if i did, that was eons ago. =.=" So not only she does read my blog, she read my facebook as well! Think she got my account.. Surprisingly, she does login FB when she dun have a FB acc. =.=" Points are hard to redemn.. Try harder.. I'm allergic to players. =)

Don't 'fall down', i will not entertain much.. If u gonna be opposite my block drinking beer alone emo-ing and wan me to cross over to accompany u, high chances i will not go.. Not everyone got the ability to get me spread my wings.. Unfortunately, yes i'm that eccentric.. Gan x2 doesn't work on me. Lolx..

When i'm with loose gals, ppl feel gao wei.
When i'm with attached/married gals, ppl feel i'm foul.
When i'm alone, ppl wants me to get hitched.

So if i wanna hit-and-run, ppl comment.
So if i wanna hit-and-dun-run, ppl comment.
So if i wanna dun-hit-and-run, ppl coment.
So if i wanna dun-hit-and-dun-run, ppl comment.

Come on, i know u ppl do care coz i'm a friend.. But please in an aggressive mode lah. So ppl think that i cannot go vivo juz becoz someone else would distract me, so be it. But i will stand firm that i dun wanna leave cwp. My mind ain't made up of love. Wtf. Can i juz get married next yr with an ordered bride juz to put at home so that everyone shut up? o.O Get to know a person by learning and asking. Not assuming and criticizing and sarcastic. I dun hold grudges so dun make me do. Juz like what desmond says. Friends nia mah, one gone another will come. The cycle goes on. Maybe i shld reorganise my "best friends" listings in my msn though in real life i only got two guys and a gal.. Yes a gal, named jasmine. Now, below 25 all out. =.=" At most is "close", wun be "best"..

Tired.. Maybe becoz tired lately thus spout so much nonsense. =.=" Blog is not me and i'm not a blog, i wun let anyone read me like a book. If u think u know me, think again. Agree, Manster? =)

BQ

Another day at BQ despite no one really wish to drink.. At least now cfm got 2 known stalkers. =.= One stalk blog, one stalk fb. Lolx..

I know there are silencers out there too.. "the one" i used to mention long time ago, also one of it.. =) But too bad, forever unable to reveal this 'scandal' or rather 'mysterious' since there's really nothing going on between us.. Juz like how close i am to all my gals like cel, jessie, dawn, xuehui, jasmine, huiwen, connie, etc etc. Too many to mention all..

I mean, no matter how close i am to anyone, i always get frustrated when ppl trying to fix an 'item'. =.=

The more u know a person, the more u wun accept her.. O.o No? But u will love her when u can see her flaws as nothing. =.=

When i'm in a r/s, ppl ask me to break up. When i'm not in a r/s, ppl ask me to like machiam accept anything around me. Wat's the world becoming to?

I'm stubborn, when i'm in, i'm in. When i'm out, i'm out. I had said a million times that i would never get dawn to be the one. Never. So what, hold hands? Yes we did ever before. So what, kiss before or rather LC? Yes. So what, hug before? Yes ever. So what, slept before? Hell NO! Fark. I'm not a freaking gigglo. Wah every thai/viet i ever did any of the above will be gf? Then wun i be super busy sia. LOLX!

Wings refer to any gals, in general. Gals are meant to be protected, aren't they? Or to be played with? Like toys?

So, when i protect and u kept inviting troubles then watever for am i doing this? Snap and release, fell and burnt. End of story. If u can find another, go ahead and dun waste my time. I only have a pair, of hands. Even birds have a limit to how long they can fly..

Cold? Not really.. Need to breathe a bit.. By all means and be as secretive as u can, i'll pull out not pull back.

Since meet and can be so busy then ok lor, i need not be around at all. Becoz i say so. I beg to differ from ur thinking. Coz i can feel 'starhub' and when with me others no need to feel 'starhub'. That's splendid. Thanks.

Minus points always by 10%.
Increase points always by 1%.

There's nothing such as negative, 0 means zero.

Fark the love thingy. It's irritating. And ppl irritates me with their broken love life. Nabeiz. Nothing but spelt troubles.


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Weird..

I'm sure she's fine le.. I only scared no news coz there's no means in any forms of communications.. But from her blog i can see her updates in her board.. Juz that she's still back there haven't come back sg..

Think there isn't a need to let her know of my callings bah even though she's back.. Well, i dunno when back coz i had stopped calling long time ago ever since i saw her pics updates.. =)

Today again i ventured there unknowingly.. Haha.. Love is blind indeed.. No idea why i did that also.. Well, its dead already.. Felt nothing.. If now she were to ask me the same qn as at east coast whether would i accept my ex back, the ans will be a direct no in an instant. Haha..

Finally clubbed at Rebel last sat.. Wasn't really in the mood coz i had to drive.. Nabei.. Never liked drink driving.. And being controlled. Freak. Even my sis is there and reduced me to one glass of vodka... Foul leh..

Wkend jasmine going St James, Jocelyn also.. =.= Wondering.. Haha.. Not really aiming but kinda yearning for clubbings.. So long no freaking long queues that let me sweat before going in can liao. I hate that, that's y i ban zouk.. Dbl-o still okay.. Coz there are memories there, or rather devil's bar or newsroom.. Haha...

Clubbing is fun. Dun mentioned the "being grinded" lah.. That's unexpectedly unusual encounter.. =.= Surprised, hell yes i am.

Tml meeting, and i think i would be going back to work bah.. Damn i can't let my sales go down somemore.. Sometimes it's not becoz i'm weak in doing sales or lazy.. Sat and sun i'm extremely tired, despite that i'm so damn aggressive..

Coz i cannot concentrate well bah thus i use focus.. =.= If serve more than 10min i will be darn shagout so close fast and spot fast bah...

So tiring everyday.. Losing more and more points day after day.. I guess i do mind afterall but i would still doing my best to suppress bah.. New directions to fake away.. Need more of those.. But hell, i'm so surprised that the eye contact is so comforting.. And i 'dare' to look into her eyes.. Nabei..

Afterall i'm a shy guy leh.. I would only do that to my customers due to professionalism.. =.= Mainly gals around me i wun do that.. Another gal would be that one in whiskey last time, a customer that is..

When it starts kicking, i think will gonna be a better time manager bah.. If not then i'm not gonna be up to it bah.. Haiz.. Sacrifices are a must when it comes to biz.. Haiz.. Money more impt..

Nabeiz she still dun wanna wakey.. Ya still in my car boringly blogging. Tired, yes i am.. Haiz.. Some ppl finds it a sore eye when i'm being this good to certain ppl when i'm not like aftering or asking for something in return like bedding. o.O Ya i'm stupid, show me the light like DTB? Wtf =.=

Duh.. Its a guys world. =.= Mindset all similar bah.. Except for a few i known would be like me myself and i.. Haha.. Hard to find such though..


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O.o

It's how amazing u can score points from an impossible 3-pointer. =.= And i never even say anything neither hint, and u 'chop'. In it goes. =.="

How do i let go? I mean i'm juz tired.. Forgotten how to emo, how to enjoy, how to happy, how to sad. Numbness got me. "emotionless" she said. That's bad, utter suffering..

Staying focus is wat i wanted now... Not in my job, not in love, not in family. Well then, guess it already..? Sometimes its not i dun share but no point to.. It will not affect others so why not bottled it up? This way, no one else will get infectious by the troubled virus.. Anyway i dun need help nor do i seek help.. So be it..

I never needed love, juz maybe there's someone there beside. Dun even have to talk, dun even have to touch me.. Serenity is wat i love best. At somewhere quiet all by myself or maybe with another, enjoy the quietness and calmness when midnight falls..

All i need is simplicity though i shown complications to confuse and yet acting blur like a bloody bastard.

Yet to find that feeling back..


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o.O

Nabei the feeling of feel like getting drunk is back again.. ccb.. So pissed with this feel coz it juz came out of the blue knn.. No emo-ing somemore can get this urge to get drunk. Nabeiz..

Juz came back from malaysia with dawn and weihong. He 1st time eating lok lok and like so happy and fascinated like that.. Juz like leon that time.. -.-" Well, i'm not worried abt this guy DTB thus i can trust him. In fact not only i dun trust gals, i dun trust guys as well.. But somehow or rather, i feel i can trust him. =.=" But die die i wun trust that dawn.

A week before i mentioned i would take thurs off then can go sentosa with her and juz now she's happily arranging for programmes on thurs. "silence".. Well, i shall meet up dessy then...

Too many situations too many points lost will deteriorate the in-between... Well, points are easy to lose but hard to gain..

That night at the chalet was msn-ing celine for few hrs i think.. Then mentioned that despite she slept for only 2 hrs and still wanna go chalet with me.. =.=" Juz wanna find things to do and stick to me only.. And she said, "That's so sweet of her.." Well, that do shaken a little.. Nabeiz... Heng i did not fall down right in sia.. =.= Despite me saying i will not accept any sg, that's afterall juz a strong front.. Nabeiz.. Nabeiz.. Nabeiz.. No matter what i will find one hundred and one reasons to suppress that! Though she always tickle by saying it only needs one reason to... Nabeiz. No way.

Stopped all the unnecessary words and actions, or rather i can only lessen.. I dun wanna invite unwanted stupid things. All i wan is only for the plan to be executed and worked.. That's my main source of life not love. Fark, like hell i would die without it. But i juz dun understand majority would die for it. Thus, i shall get married soon.. LOLX ironic..? Not really, coz i juz need one to buy a flat. =.=" The government says so.

"Sg gals are so material. Wan more money, wan be taitai, dun wan simple life, dun wan get married, dun wan babies."

Well, many foreigners would comply otherwise. Now i know why so many guys go outsource.. It isn't a bad thing afterall..

New lease

Shocking news from rebecca. =.=" She said everyone also know and she's the last to know, then if she's the last then i will be the last last. =.=" Lolx.. Jokes aside on that day, dun take it seriously ah, manster. =x

Late night went over to kovan to meet up the guys and chat all the way till almost 2am.. =.=" In fact, it's very brief and overall of everything.. The plans, the kicks-in, the resolutions, the problems, the activities, the foreseen upcomings, etc..

Things gonna get busy... The passion is on, the blood is boiling like an adrenline rush.. I hope i'm not too positive till they are scared of me.. =.=" When one objective is clear, one will work towards the objective no matter what are the hurdles ahead. Slacking off is not a question, i'm only scared nothing to do.. I dun mind everything caught me till i got not enuff slp every now and then or till my both hands are so full.. I only scared i got nothing to do.. All i'm left is time and time is not enuff, it's short.. If wanna strive, i wanna strive high. Arbo pull down. I dun like to waste time and effort doing fruitless thing. Believe in it and strike. Now or never, we had all came halfway of lifetime.

A lot of brain cells burnt.. Scared gonna no time to do my own things and for friends.. But if fruits are what i wanted, sacrifices are must-do. I love gaming, i give up. I love pool and drink, i give up. I love relaxing, i give up. Mind must be in a state 24/7 thinking how to get the 200 grands. Nabeiz.. Even if the rest hack care and nua, i would also wanna carry on and head to that goal..

Quote from her again..

"To love someone who will never love you back is like trying to get a perfect score in a non-recorded exam."

Nabeiz... Isn't it like u would live in fairytale and live happily ever after..? =.="


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Back from supper

Mum went CWP to find me.. =.=" She went out with her friends so drop by cwp.

Supposed to send her home 1st before meeting dawn and her friend to geylang to eat supper.. Asked mum if she wanna go and she said she's fine with it so we went lor..

Ordered fu kin min and yee min.. AKA hokkien mee and yee mee. Wtf afterall i'm a cantonese kia ok! I juz dun feel like speaking in cantonese.. And i juz sang a bit chen xiao chun song wo bu shi wei ren two days back in martin.. Long time no sing liao..

After food, dawn's friend walk back home as he stays nearby then i send her home before heading home with my mum.. indeed whole day like no mood like that.. Well, i really not emo-ing lah nor am i sad.. Dessy asked me in msn why i sound so sad like that, as in thru words he could actually 'feel' it! Nabei... No wonder he got so many gals friends... Oops! =x Well, actually i also not less but much lesser than him and i mean much much lesser than him.. Lolx..

In fact, after my these two ex, i had drift away from a lot of gals liao.... When i'm attached, there's no point in having so many close gals to me what.. No fair to partner.. And yet, things can happen despite a little commitment.. =.=" I cannot promise that i will not anyhow eat but i can guarantee i will not anyhow eat.. Promises are meant to be broken.. At least, that's wat i believed..

Time is running out and there's no ways and also no point to draw in more gals into my circle.. Tired.. Shag.. So dead..

Next wk i supposed, everything will be up and running.. The plan will be put into action and execute.. Time will never be enuff.. Pls make it fruitful.. Even though it may not turn out fruitful, i dun wan to regret.. Living in regrets..

I'm so into her words/phrases.. It's been a long time since i last felt someone who can really catch my attention in her mind rather than look.. The undisclosed "the one" was the one whom i admire her chinese phrases.. Lately gotten back in contact with her liao but that feeling no more le.. =.=" A shadow is what that's left..

I think when we two really comes into contact, there might be lots to share between life and experiences.. It's been long time since i can find someone whom i can comfortably talk to.. Usually i merely talks a little.. No one really break my ice and let me speak my mind freely without the barrier being the devil.. Like what celena did? o.O But that feeling is long gone.. Sorry sweetie, not that i dun wanna find u.. =( I miss the esplanade days...

Tired sia.. Seems like always not enuff slp..

If u wan me to close my wings, i'm afraid they might not open anymore.. Every single little thing can close the wings by certain percentage.. The max is 100%.. Every single little thing can open the wings by certain percentage too.. Closing is easier than opening... I'll leave it to fate and ur own doings.. It's not every single gals i'll do that for her..

Ever since last wk, i realised that she never deleted my sms.. =.=" If not how come my singtel keep on beeping instead of my m1? o.O Or was it becoz i mentioned only dawn msg me on my singtel that's y i was being beep on that fone also? Lolx.. Shi wo xiang tai duo.. Ni zhong zhe yang shuo... Lolx.. Time to slp. =.="

A broken vase can never be perfect again no matter how hard u tried to fix it back.. All that's left are memories for us to keep. There's no turning back nor a need to turn back..

My principle as usual.. No matter the pain, i shall embrace it with a smile, not tears.

I'm glad u still keep my tweety bird.. I've lived my life for you, now i shall live on for myself..

Loved ya, XL. =)

Alcohol and beer are no longer my best friends. =)

Clarification: I'm not only into MIT or MIV or MIM or watever u could think of. I'm a simple guy who NEEDS a simple life with anyone, though life itself is not simple as it can be.. Juz that, pure sorrows that brought no confi in the future..

Every step could mean something.. I dun juz drift for no reason.. Instincts are sharpen so naturally that i could feel as if i'm a mimosa.. Someone said that's the so-called "walls".. Nevertheless, i believe 'it' will stay strong and long-lasting enuff as a protective layer..

Wu hua bu ying feng. No flower doesn't attracts bees. I said to her before in my chinese blog and she knew the hint.. Wu feng bu tou mi, she countered. =.=" I'm not juz the typical mammal or beast or animal..

I've felt it again.. The non turning on of msn.. The 'starhub effect'.. It's all becoz of certain situations or maybe someone or maybe some ppl.. I'm sensitive to little changes in reactions.. Falling back is not a choice but an alternative reality. Yup, the truth is ugly though it doesn't concern me at all.. When i spread my wings, that doesn't mean will spread for eternity.. There's no such thing as forever..

Twilight is afterall a fairytale, it's reality that we are living in and facing against..

It's been more than 24hrs since i last slept in.. Tired and shag out...

Drinking nite

Juz reached martin after mr lin zehuan cedric wedding dinner at Swissotel The Stamford.. Half a glass of beer and half a glass of red wine at there...

Adam came with me to Martin... Hmmm dunno if i can post this here lolx.. Anyway he only come a while to relax..

Dawn's at Zouk now.. =.= She said she coming over later. Dun feel like getting drunk nor did she..

Roadshow at cwp starts mon. Need to reach 888 at 9am for breakfast.. 9.30am to be at cwp to do setup..

As predicted, booth is expected to be late again... The last roadshow was late for one and half day... =.=

Dun think will be drunk tonight.. Sense something unusual today... Hope i'm wrong.. I dun wan anything..

Saw her 'blog' few days back.. It was posted on the 10th this mth.. I long time no go there liao.. Anyway she's fine at there.. Holidays with her husband.. =)

So, it wasn't love afterall anymore.. 'worry' is not love, someone told me..

Time to let go fully.. Memories are all that's gonna left inside... =)


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Shag out

Super tired sia.... Now still at toh guan road... She's happily sleeping in my car.. And i can't slp coz its dangerous. =.=

Now its like almost 10am and the sunlight is so bright and the weather so hot and she can still slp so soundly.. =.=


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stupid iphone

Nabeiz lah all contacts gone.. Sibei tulan.. Shitty iphone can i smash u?

Since the day i said i will not accept u for u are so much like her, the agreement had been verified..

But why does it still bothers me when i am the one who said that and swore on that..?

Contradicting as usual...

Juz like how 10yrs ago how i rejected the gal that i like yet i denied the fact so firmly juz becoz i felt i'm not good enuff for her despite her not even minding anything...

Status is juz a material fact, if not how the hell would i have had accept a wife as my gf.. Initial still thot it's juz a game, afterall it's all my fault that i dunno how to hit-and-run... Always hit and dun run... That's why i'm afraid of these games and wun even dare to play with fire and remain cold-blooded..

Everyone are talking abt her and me.. Well, really nothing between us... I really treat every single as my own and i dun see any wrong in those.. If such meant something, wouldn't every single gal are my targets? Then wouldn't i have been super duper busy?

Maybe i'm not juz cut-out to be the typical guy-next-door or guy-sure-like-that or guy-only-want-one-thing. I'm juz an abnormal guy. So naturally will be outcast bah..

Aquarius, the air of mystery. Why the heck i fall onto that. =.=" Maybe it's juz me..

Sick..

Sick.. Having flu and bad cough.. Dunno wats wrong.. So suddenly..

Feeling emo outta sudden tonite.. Wth.. So its not sick but really love sick? lolx..

Yup i really miss her.. =( Miss her voice, her smell and her touch.. Haiz... World apart.. I thot death shall do us apart.. Guess not..

Going in real soon.. Was it gonna be chalet or hell..? Afterall its ATEC this yr... Seems like its genting trip again.. I would prefer bkk though.. Really wan me to fly alone meh.... Haiz haiz..

Long time no drink liao.. Really headache.. Need to concuss le..

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A so warm voice that warm the heart..

Today called her all the way and we like chatted for around 15min.. So happy to hear her voice.. Straight away tell her "Kit Teng Mak Mak"... Haha.. Asked me abt my sales, well, it was rather bad... Then she said it's becoz she's not by my side that's why got no luck.. Lolx.. I told her i agreed that's why i love her.. Lolx.. Melt her a little i guess. =D Really can't wait to go all the way to bkk to find her and relax my days.. =( The feeling of yearning is back.. Haiz.. Dawn said marry her lor so that she can stay in sg.. Well, the point is not that but rather she dun wanna come sg.. Lolx.. So even though i do really had that thought also no use mah.. It takes two hands to clap. =) Afterall, i only left with 1yr 6mths..

Been real hectic lately.. Like so busy and tired and no time to slp.. Gotta packed my baggy for genting and army together.. FULL SHIFTS all the way till reservist starts sia coz when come back from genting gotta go PCSHOW then after PCSHOW gotta go reservist liao... Haiz..

Roadshow..

Always dun really like roadshows... Haiz.. Makes me so free.. Craving for bubbletea everyday for honeydew de sago.. =(

One day after she left, nothing but an emptiness. Funny, no craving for alcohol at all.. Never thot of making myself numb.. She ended her sufferings here already, shld be happy for her instead.. Haiz.. Juz wished her by my side nia..

"Proposed to her lah so that she can stay in sg liao lor.."
"Duh... Not as if i dun wan.."
"Then go lah!"
"=.=' It takes two hands to clap.. Sian lah 1yr 6mths more to go..."
"Huh..? So u really thot of that ah...?"
"Well, yeah.. Coz she's not MIS!! Lolx.."
"Fark euu! Eat shit!"
"Lolx.. At least when i sick she knows how to cook porridge, u only know maggie.."
"I also know. Maggie Porridge!"
"Nabeiz.."
"She's not ur gf in the 1st place lor!!"
"Maybe.. But she regards me as her teerak even among my friends, like jinshen trying to take me away from her, she would scold him and say i'm her teerak.."

Short memories but somehow, good enuff.. I dun need a super chio gf, i dun need a big bust gf, i dun need a super caring gf, i dun need a chef gf.. All i always wanted is juz owned. Lolx.. Yeah i'm fan jian but i'm not like that to all gals wat.. That MIC is out liao ah, the MIM also out but she got chance, all MIS are definitely outted. =.="

Wah i really wanna go bkk now!! Damn!!

But i really dun understand one thing.. Guys going to those thai discos aren't really nice ppl.. Mainly 'butterflies' lor.. =.=" Why do i deserved tears from her..? Haiz.. Think i'm really too easy liao bah... Somemore dun have any hit-and-run. =.="

It's been so long..

Actually i'm not that busy at all.. Juz dun have the urge to post.. Lolx.. Too many things to handle le bah... My hands are too full.. Fark.. Ownself find troubles. =.=" Gals will only spelt troubles.. Even though she din do anything wrong to me but she caused me to miss already..

Wtf.. Suddenly feel like time is so short.. Only if the time would stop forever at that moment she lie on my leg in my car.. Drunk, sleepy, tired and crying... Juz kept saying she hate singapore and she dun like singapore men... =.=" Nothing i can do but a shoulder to lean on, a companionship to accompany her and stay by her silently.. Kiss her to make her feel that it's not all men are like that, maybe i'm juz the exceptional abnormal one who gives and never ask for a return.. =.="

Sh!t man the oysters do work miracles. Knn. But i got my self-control lor.. Damn.

Life's a mess. Dunno what to do anymore.. Seems so tired.. 1yr and 6mths more to go.. Probably very soon bah will settle down already.. Haiz... She dun wanna come back singapore anymore le.. Will be her 1st time in sg and also her last time, she said.. Thus most probably will fly over in oct bah.. She's older than me. O.o Now then i realised.. Wtf..

Seems anyone younger no longer attracts the true me other than the wolf-eyed me if she wear scandalously... Tat's bad.. Duh, who cares... Dawn kept saying me, "Dun keep acting as if u care lor.." Well, maybe at times i do maybe at times i dun... I can't rmb the real feeling liao.. Too many fakes plus truths leads to ultimate confusion..

I juz want my new home.. Damn.

This coming mth is so full of schedules and packed until that i feel that i cannot breathe.. This wk roadshow at cwp from mon-sat then sun go genting liao till wed then thurs go pcshow at comex till sun then mon report camp at jurong till 13days later then most prob thailand trip thereafter.. Felt exhausted.. Were these really the life i wanted? Thot all along i juz wan a simple life like wakey liao go work then homed after work then slp then repeat.. No movies, no clubbings, no pubbings, no poolings, no ktv-ings, no spinnings, no companionships, no friends.. Duh.. Maybe the joining of IR is indeed the job for me.. Shift works plus no hp allowed, cut away everything, take away my life..

Here in sg is really a hectic world to live in.. No wonder my teerak dun like sg..

This sept pay jialat liao somemore got reservist.. Haiz... Sianz..

Weird

Sometimes juz dun understand how things work. =.= Maybe diff perspectives bah..

"Why do u want to set up ur own biz?"
"Well, interest is there mah.. Who dun wanna be own boss?"
"Do u know that u need to have a yr's capital to ensure everything running smooth, WITHOUT PROFITS?"
"Ah?"
"Do u know that the 1st 5yrs of biz is juz like a hobby with no spectacular earnings?"
"Hmmm..."
"So u still wan to go ahead?"
"Maybe not...."

That's so weak!! So damn freaking weak!! All in the mind is money, money and money. =.= Well, it's all juz like gambling, either u win or u lose. Anyway, if u are not ready to even commit and kept thinking on how to get money, the lesser money u will get.. What u focus will expand. Focusing on how poor u are, the more poorer u will get. Focusing on how bad u are, the worse u get.. Timeline and targets are more impt. Someone driving a BMW Z4 once told me, "The more u chase money, the more likely u wun get it. Instead, let money chase u. Do things right and do the right things."

Enuff of rambling of biz. Knn my phone got prob! Major prob that sms and calls not coming in. Then batt not charging!! =.= Trying to restore it back despite late for work... lolx....

Sianz.. Been bored with life lately.. Nothing much interesting except for an exceptional siam bu.. =.= But nothing much also coz she's going back soon for good, saying dun like singapore due to those guys that she saw, except for me lah of coz.. Hohoho.. But anyway, no future de lah, somemore not really gonna advancing somemore even though there's absolutely nothing going on between us.

Maybe getting an OPC instead of a normal plate. I rather have the extra cash every month and spend it on branded. LOLX! Quite big diff lor and anyway night is my life not day..

Word

How come that word juz spurred out from her? o.O She got read my blog de? O.o Thot all in her mind are juz the two, angel and devil. =.="

Been not drinking lately despite going down to BQ almost daily.. =.=" It's good and healthy.. Alcohol is evil!! =x Tml morning gotta wakey early to give that charbo a morning call.. Hope she did cried enuff liao bah.. Knn all gals think that all guys are craps while i still think all gals as gf are craps. Maybe i'm really a crab... Duh.. Anyway, dun really care much since not close at all.. She and dawn may be somehow getting closer but well, maybe juz for the time being bah.. Shed for wat sia... Waste water only.. Haiz..

Still lost..

Some things i juz simply dun understand no matter how.. I juz dun get it how i look at it.. Izzit really already dead..? I dun get it.. Coz it still hurts! Looking at her contact number aimlessly and mindlessly.. Call or not? Msg or not? See or not? Damn.. It's juz so messy.. I envy how everyone had a life buoy, something to hang on to, at least something till he/she reaches the shore... I know, there are some for me but i juz wan to be left alone.. Juz me myself and i.. I dun need anything nor anybody despite i really need it.. Can still drink sing play laugh smile like as if nothing happens.. Can even accompany ppl who were falling down one after another.. Juz trying to make sure everyone around me stands up but me.. Exhausting myself to the extreme as if me myself is not impt at all.. Well, maybe i'm juz fan jian.. Afterall, it's me myself and i who will walk the very path till the end of time.. Friends come and go like traffic, some stay for a while and some juz pass by.. Doesn't even care who is that michelle who born in 1985 still studying, though slight interest is there.. Info are all from gred. None of my business, as usual.. I believe the so-called 'walls' are so tough so high up and never to be crumble for anyone.. Thus, i'm 'complicated'. No point knowing too much of me, coz really no point.. Can't help much anyway.. Even when hit-on, i'll still smile my way thru.. How fake.. Damn weixing.. Damn rick.. Damn nemo.. Afterall, it's still me myself and i.. Shag.. Tired.. Exhausted.. Still got 1yr 7mths more to go.....

Silence

Nothing mentioned, nothing said, nothing to hint. He knew i'm clever and i could have guessed it long ago.. Not bad.. Can read my mind and actions. Lolx. If not would i juz simply fly away like a butterfly to another gal.. Well, since i'm not needed as much as that time several weeks ago, my job is done as a temp life buoy.. Though still dun wanna let go of this life buoy but well, sooner or later it will still drift away.. That's life. =) Juz that this little buoy is a bit disappointed without learning the light directly despite throwing a few tricky questions here and there.. Well, to be frank. This is LIGHT. Not like my past, she's married. Not as if i can tell the whole world.. We can only hide wherever and whenever we can.. It's miserable without status. Relax, i'm toking abt myself.. =) So long both are alright, i'm cool abt it. Coz i'm sandwiched, I've never liked to be sandwiched especially when things turned sour or bitter. It's neither left nor right for me. Thus i would never intro friends to friends unless u all help urself.. Both willing parties then no one can blamed me!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! =P =D =X

Life buoy 3 times in a mth.. Wtf.. And that time when the dark wings fell, there's nothing for me to seek on to.. Afterall, it's still me myself and i who will stand up all by myself me and i.. The alcohol doesn't helps. The singing doesn't helps. The games doesn't help. Only the mask that helps, as if the world is still spinning while inside the time had stopped.. Well, i'm already up and standing anyway. No point dwelling in the past. Locked it within me. Thanks for the happy moments though.. You wun be able to know that i posted this but still thanks for those days. I will keep those memories for good..

Been feeling sick lately.. =.=" That time also almost every night go.. But how come now is accompany her then become like that..? It's not her fault at all, i know.. Ppl kept telling me not to spend so much on her. wtf. Shld i rather spent on cyndi then? That one more worst. Like i said, she's like my ex. There's no way i would allow myself to fall back into the net thus i will not accept her at all. This one is different. She's not the type who would spend off guys. Rather, she is the one who had been supporting her bf. Duh.. I was juz abt to badmouth her bf but i guess i had backspaced it all.. No point toking abt him since she's the one involved and not me.. Haiz.. It's a TRAP!! But she's enjoying it. Bobian.. She's always okay with all guys and not okay with most gals.. =.=" My ex used to forbid me to even talk to her despite her being working juz opposite my shop.. Even her name and sms and calls were not allowed in my fone.. Luckily her number easy to rmb juz like mine..

Dun get me wrong.. I dun love her at all juz that i treat all the same despite anyone or everyone disapprove of my doings.. I'm like every gal's acting bf knn.. Dunno good or bad. =.=" But dun worry lah, i got my limit..

Tue whole day slack at home feeling sick.. Sleep a while wake up then sleep then wake up.. Suddenly dunno what to do at home... Play game also not right, go drink also not right, msn chat also not right, watch anime also not right, sleep also not right. Totally lost.. Feel like going up mount faber.. Long time no go there liao.. But i tio raped there, so dark... LOLX...

Sometimes do things according to mood might lead to some unexpected findings... Juz like that time went to bukit batok vicom for bike inspection then head back to cwp.. By right i go on the direct route.. Somehow or rather with a blank mind can turn to dairy farm then to bukit panjang then after Pending LRT turn right to move past the coffeeshop we used to have breakfast together then past her block on the right side.. Why did i take such a long way..? No idea.. I wasn't even thinking abt her at all.. Contradicting actions.. Juz like that day cyndi jio me out to far east.. Met her there and shopped for perfume then head to bugis to get a guess bag for her mommy then to boatquay.. The whole day she juz simply treat me like her bf. =.=" Take her bag, makan together, use tissue to help me clean my mouth, hold my hands to bring me cross the road, lying on my shoulder while in arcade, hold my waist while on my bike, bring her for supper and tabao for her mommy also, lastly send her home. =.="

I think i'm a bit too much.. I should not be treating all gals equally.. Lolx... Dawn and Celena are exceptional though.. And needless to say, Jasmine also coz since that 1st chalet she's on my top list of protect list.. =) Jasmine is inside my best friends group of almost 2 decade. Almost... Jennifer also, my biao mei. Of all biao meis, this one is the most prettiest and also the one i dote most coz she's the most guai and sensible one while others only know how to pick on me. Of coz she also dote on me lah, arbo kept nagging me telling me not to always go boatquay and mixed around with those ah lians like cyndi.. =.=" That noon met her for lunch she even took my fone and checked on me.. Not sure if she got took cyndi's number or not and scold her upside down for asking me go drink drink drink.. =X Fierce.. But IMO, hainanese gals are good wife-makers.. Juz like my ex, alicia.. She really go all out to take care of her partner.. Jennifer also half-hainanese.. =)

Ah... Nose is like a running tap! Juz now riding kept wanting to sneeze sneeze and sneeze! So dangerous! KNN! If tml morning not okay gotta see doctor liao..

Snapped

That day really snapped thus was being 'rude' to almost everyone. Total shutdown. No one tells me what to do and i will do what i like to do. Rebellious as usual, even if words are true, meant to be good, that's me. Take it or leave it..

Yest at work everyone was saying i'm so different. Not much smile not much laugh not much words not much joke, so not like me. Still shutdown.. There's no need for smile, laugh, words, jokes. Those are juz extras. Juz leave me alone if u dun like it. But well, i juz happen to forget to bring my mask out.

Suddenly aimless and lost again.. Nabeizzz.....

Complicated?

Maybe i am.. Juz dun wan anyone to really know me that well bah.. Like adam saying me cunning, well perhaps i am.. Only when with dawn, i'm purely the weixing she knew.. And only when she's with me alone, she's purely the dawn i knew.. That's why i'm her left-hand. Whenever got the chance, i will never allow her to walk alone.. As long she's single, there's no way i can get attached.. Anyway, that's not the point coz i need nobody for now.

Juz how newspapers of rumors here and there, toking abt dawn cyndi jessie jennifer jennifer lady-in-white or whoever. I may be single but absolutely not available to anyone. I juz need nobody. I'm still me myself and i. Love is the least thing i ever needed now.

Knn i'm like a companion to every heart-brokes. Lolx.. Need to drink, i go. Need to club, i go. Need someone alone, i go. Need shopping, i go. Need movie, i go. Need makan, i go. But all that i did is like never enuff to please every single soul and when things get so packed together till it seems like the whole world needs me, i am a lan jiao lang. Wtf. I got my farking own life and i do what i wanted to do and accompany whoever who truely need me the most lor. Wat a complicated world that force me no choice but to fall behind the mask. Dun think u know me when u dun even know the real me. Corrupted. Piss.

Maybe i had a little drink too much. Maybe i'm juz tired. Been thinking so much whenever i'm with her lately.. She really grew up and i'm still watching over her.. There's totally nothing between us before and she's not the kind that will really like takes me as a bridge. And most impt, i dun yearn for anything so dun bloody hell put me into those corrupted mindset. Like i said, i might be fan jian but i'm jolly well not shui bian.

Anyone would think that i would anyhow spend on gals juz becoz they act pity or watever fark. I'm no longer the old weixing. Then that time Taiwan trip i paid full for 2 tix means wat? Me and jason gay ah? Got beard is my grandpa ah? I'm now the freaking leraning-to-be-NCB asshole now.

NCB means niao chee bye. I cannot afford a car meh? Why must take van? Knn the different liability can allow me to save more. I got a farking house upcoming for me to hold. I got no farking parents to turn and rely on. I never live in comfort zone, i never had the chance to relax and tok freaking love life that always gonna destroy my freaking swee swee plannings.

Love is the sweetest little thing to keep a person moving on, for a moment, a reason in life to keep breathing. Love is also the freaking little thing that can destroy a person entirely. His/her life, career, reputation, everything single fark thing. Even friendships. Fuck, that sux. There's no such thing as beautiful endings. I've seen too much..

There might be eternity but i chose not to believe and guess will never will. Effort, time, money, feelings. In the end? Lost everything LOLX. Eating a chocolate is easy, making is not. Up and down, up and down. Not tired meh? Though i'm being influenced by the 21st Century dawn, i'm still careful or rather cunning. I can still accept anyone. Contradicting yet true. Reality is cruelty.

Some things are not meant to be messed with. I mean messy mess. Watever.

It juz hurt me to see friends one after another falling down standing up again and again. Tears dried then rolled again then dried again. But this is the reality.

Relationships never last, true friendships do. Thus i treasured every single friend. At least i had trust in some friendships but i had nearly no trust in love. Lmao.

Feverish...

Wat a tough day.. Woke up coughing, and i knew going to be sick liao.. Indeed slight fever came and made me energyless... Intend to see doc and go home early.. Due to too many patients and too busy, in the end 10pm finish work.. =.="

Hopefully next really can get to meet up Celly!! Super duper long time no see my sweetie liao!! It's my bad.. That time only my best female friends num are saved to my pixon with pics on and those numbers are gone when i format my pixon.. Luckily many i got retrieved back like my ex's, dawn, jess, etc.. =.="

I need more vitamin M liao.. Need to recover all my loans out there.. Coz when sold my bike, my expenses will surely go up due to liability of my car and can't afford to anyhow spend... Drinking shld be cut.. Dating shld be up.. =x

Feel like going swimming and gym.. Juz so suddenly got the urge.. Well, cali fitness is definitely out.. I juz can't stand gays.. Maybe true yoga from vivo.. Or budget, safra club.. Lolx.. I miss Fort Canning Club.. Swimming, sauna and jaccuzi.. OMG!!

Why am i always looking back at the closed doors..? Haiz.. They cause so much misery.. I need my happy pills too.. Torn wings i have had.. Anyone out there to fix me up..? Izzit really so hard to let go...? Merely more than a yr together.. No status no commitment no nothing juz pure companionship to her.. Why am i still so upset..? So i do loved her though initially only needed someone...?

I'm not emo today.. Juz feel empty and still aimless, still directionless..

华丽的房间
孤独在旁边
唱不出快乐
伤悲是附赠的
歌词字里行间
弥漫着思念
眼眶是防线
强忍决堤崩溃

敬失恋一杯
就把回忆灌醉
点点滴滴过去
还在歌里徘徊
勇气再多一点
就能潇洒一些
笑说我无所谓

敬昨夜一杯
今晚独自过夜
怎么我的视线
还有你的画面
既然爱要不回
在情歌里找一点安慰

分手有多快乐
我努力体会
在ktv过夜
算不算是起点
没有你的世界
是如此乏味
我声嘶力竭
你有没有听见

敬失恋一杯
就把回忆灌醉
点点滴滴过去
还在歌里徘徊
勇气再多一点
就能潇洒一些
笑说我无所谓

敬昨夜一杯
今晚独自过夜
怎么我的视线
还有你的画面
既然爱要不回
在情歌里找一点安慰

The day when i drank alone..

Suddenly feel tired again.. Lolx.. Alone in the pub drinking beer till 3am+.. Wah if i carry on like that drinking, sooner or later sure gana scolded by my biao mei jennifer again.. Lolx.. She kept nagging at me liao.. Still wanna tag along somemore.. =.=" Haiz.. Juz now msg her and told her i unable to meet her for dinner on tue.. Due to my RT in the evening.. And tue also my off day.. Whole day juz like that burnt..? Sian.. Then upon finishing msg, gana a good nite kiss from her. =.=" I was like, wtf.. Lolx.

Think not only i drunk, she also drunk liao.. Lolx.. Anyway, among all my 9 biao mei, she's the only one closest to me and also the prettiest of all.. My ex did saw her during CNY and she also said jenn very pretty. Lolx.. Well, definitely she is. And somemore she already taking care of the family by sharing burden with her older sis Amy.. Such gal hard to find.. If anyone were to bully her, i sure go all out. Same goes for all my close friends.. I treat everyone else juz like my family members.. Of coz, especially gals.

There'll be some exceptions lah.. Juz like how i dare to allow carol to follow my group of not so close friends to go for supper after drinking.. Juz like how i allow a drunk cyndi to go alone to meet her own friends after work despite knowing she totally drunk.. Juz like how i allow a friend to 'dance' with Jasmine at club when they dun even know each other.. Anyway, not impt lah.. Those who i really protect, i will. Play is play, some things are not meant to be played with. Juz like my samsung promotor, though not very close but i will still protect her. Needless to say for those who i'm very close to.

Suddenly cyndi called me and told me she at vivo this noon.. Said she's shopping alone.. Disturb her and asked how come dun ask other guys to accompany her since she got so many around her.. Said scared i dun like and also she dun usually ask guys to accompany her for shopping.. =.=" I mean, i dun even bother if u gonna ask another guy or not, watever for telling me all these.. There was once when i was toking to her on the fone, somehow or another i felt she's so much like nickole.. =.=" Except that figure totally not comparable lah.. But either way, anything that brings back bad memories are all outta of my league.. Mainly childish youngsters and married women and also wu-fa-zhang-wo.. Erm, though my biao mei is 19 but she's different.. Lolx.. =P And i'm especially attracted to gals who smell nice and/or nice eye contacts which can makes me feel comfortable when i look into their eyes and dun feel shy.. Lolx! I sound like a perv.. =X

Think will be having a wishlist coming out when i changing my blogskin.. Those things will be what i need to go shopping for, alone.. I dun really enjoy shopping with ppl coz i always dunno what i want and indecisive which always make ppl uneasy, so i rather walk alone..

Tired.. I need some sleep already.. Gotta settle for my bike tml..

The end is near.. The dream is near.. I hope i hope.. I pray i pray.. Class 3 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ =D

Posted for my bike, trying to get it out of my hand so that i can move on to getting my 4-wheels.. I dun wanna pay both at the same time.. Will die lor with this kind of pay i'm getting... Though i'm still better off some of my friends lah.. Study more doesn't mean u will confirm earn more. Duh.. That time when did a 1-time pass on my class 3, somehow happy somehow not very.. Happy coz no need to take again and waste money.. Not coz sibei sian, always 1-time passes.. LOLX! Really mah.. PSLE, N-Level, O-Level, Poly tests, basic theory, final theory, riding theory, class 2b, class 2a, class 3, army class 3. =.=" But it's a story that u can brag for life.. lolx..

All thanks to pay delay, mountain getting higher and higher.. All thanks to pay delay, savings going up and up... All thanks to pay delay, loan-outs more and more.. =.=" My life is indeed a mess. Damn when will i ever get my house..?

Leaving for good? Maybe soon.. Preparation in progress.. Suffer now and enjoy later.. Maybe i shld? Ya, maybe i shld..

Drinking is not evil, i am evil.. =.="

Clarifications:
1. I do have a little interest in her in the past but somehow got turn off really bad by her attitude and behaviour at work. I know everyone told me she's not very good-looking but well, i'm an anything guy so long i feel comfortable.. But well, i'm not comfy anymore.

2. There's nothing between me and samsung, that's why i blew up and got heated. Not that i cannot take jokes but i cannot take it when ppl disturb others juz becoz of me. Simple. Wanna disturb me all the way, i'm fine but leave her alone.

3. I go drinking place is not entirely becoz of her. That place the other boss is my good brother, mr chris. We used to brave the front together and faced the storm. I told leon, if i dunno the boss at all i dun even intend to go for even once.

4. There's nothing going on between me and her. Though i'm an anything guy but i dun really anyhow eat fish whether fresh or rotten. I got my own taste bud. Whatever i dun like, i will never eat even if it's been forcible to my mouth. I may be a wolf but absolutely not a hungry wolf.

5. There's nothing going on between me and her whether got many many soft toys or not. I can treat each and every gals juz like my own gf but doesn't mean they ARE my gf. =.=" I'm all along like that to everyone. Even my best friend's gf last time when we go clubbing.

6. It's not that i always wan to be late for work.. I'm not taking things for granted.. I think i really had a bit too much inside me or maybe i'm really getting old already.. Maybe i really shld...

Saw that gal twice and somehow she seems to know me at the 1st time we met.. o.O Again, many said she's a flop and cannot make it. But the eye contact is mutual.. Since dunno when i last came across a gal whom i can look her into her eyes and i dun feel shy yet comfortable.. Wtf.. Wat's going on with me..? Maybe i'm destined to walk alone..?

Long time never woo gals liao, like machiam dunno how to woo le.. Lolx.. Previous and previous both also no need to woo de coz it's the other way round... Then with this two rs already past 4yrs liao.. Really rusty le.. So, whenever i feel that i'm getting it, i will refrain.. I'm a happy pill to many but hard to be a longevity pill.. Layman term, i can make many ppl happy as a happy pill, but i also made myself a longevity pill to certain special someone but always got walked out and abandoned.. So, watever for to be a longevity...?

Human are very funny creatures... When ppl treat u good, u 'might' not really appreciate nor even really rmb it.. But when u treat ppl good, u will always feel better more shiok.. This is call fan jian. =.=" Juz like how good nickole that time treat me, i always wanna treat huiwen, connie and raine better than i treat nickole.. =.=" Of coz got many more gals name no mention lah.. Then when she treat me bad, however good dawn wanna treat me i longing to treat nickole good..

(女)白茫茫的星光
洒在长长路上
想念的冰凉
你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑
深似海的眼光
都能掀起我
滔天的巨浪

(男)你相信吗
这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗
哪怕拥抱
在身上
画下深深的伤

(合)只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点

(女)白茫茫的星光
洒在长长路上
想念的冰凉
你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑
深似海的眼光
都能掀起我
滔天的巨浪

(男)你相信吗
这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗
哪怕拥抱
在身上
画下深深的伤

(合)只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点

(女)如果相爱是错
(男)错过又算什么
(合)这一次我们
宁死不放手
往彼此的心里跳
跳过天荒地老
wo oh ...
只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前

我们要一起

好好迎接那句点

累了照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例想你了
好怕一放心睡了
心跳在梦中不听话的就停止了

听着呼吸像浪潮拍动着
越没力越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏都难掌握

如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心

如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白著头发蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你我不怪你

快乐什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的最舍不得

如果我变成回忆退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己如此狠心

如果我变成回忆终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发蹒跚牵着你看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你

如果我变成回忆最怕我太不争气
顽固的赖在空气霸占你心里每一寸缝隙
原来依然爱我的你痛苦承受失去
这样不公平请你尽力把我忘记

Thanks for the song. I love it.. Din really notice this song till u posted it..

Another nite of drinking..

Supposed to meet up with colleagues to Nana, so he jio all to go. Got ah qiang, keith and weihong too. Told them to call me when reaching. Around 10.15pm odd, Qiang called and ask me where am i. He said that they are on the way already, so ok lor i also juz stepped out of the bathroom only.. So in abt 20min i reached nana, called keith but weihong answered saying keith driving home 1st almost reaching home. =.= Call Qiang and he said he still at Serangoon, on the way liao. Wtf. I was still excited abt having such a large group of ppl coming out together. Knn. Told Qiang i gave both group 15min. Either one came and i will be cool. If not u all can slowly take ur time liao..

So, time's up and off i'm gone. Got 2 choices either go home straight or go boat quay. Called up jes and she said she also feel like going boat quay, then ok lor off to boat quay. Ken and Qiang called, told them to slowly no need to rush since i'm in the cab liao. Reached whiskey and at there almost quarrel with ken. I insist i dun wan go back nana and told them to carry on themselves and he insist that if i'm not going back then they aren't gonna carry on. Here and there, here and there. In the end, they are coming down to boat quay. At 1st jes dun wanna come liao when i told her my colleagues joining. lolx.. But she's already at Istana there liao..

Think we drank till abt 3+.. Can't really rmb.. I only know jes sent me home de.. Ya i was super drunk already.. Also dunno why i drink so much.. =.=" Now still feeling alcohol in me..

Zombie Brain

Been so brain-dead the whole day.. Did so many wrong things and said so many wrong things..

Yest Jasline's sms i saw too late so no reply coz dun wanna disturb her beauty sleep. Yet today morning told her i slept liao. Wrong reply. Mentioned my compaq lappy is for my poly, in fact its my acer for my poly, compaq is after ns. Wrong words.

Today met Jason for sentosa. Discussing abt our company, mentioned each taking 20% rest goes to company to build up. Thinking of it now, 20% of 30k GP will yields $600. Eat grass ah? Talk without using brain.

Today sms-chat with karen. She mentioned quitting her 5-days-work sales job then going for a long break.. Replied jokingly asking if she's gonna get married.. =.= What an under statement from the foolish me..

Slept 2hrs only and so many things to do today makes me cockup.. =.=" So unprofessional being the usual me..

Yest went whiskey with jes, adrain and panasonic promotor. Drank till 6am.. =.=" Went for prata before heading home.. Slight rain when leaving.. Reached home around 7am.. Slept and got woke up by jason's call. Oh yeah sentosa.. Extremely tired and exhausted but still i am a sucker for tanning, relaxation, pool, singing and games.. Dragged myself to wash up then proceed to vivo when we take tram. No sun at the Palawan Beach!!! Told jason that since no sun as well go soak water.. I love swimming.. Last time always went Gordon's condo for swim at the pool weekly with zhiqian.. Jason doesn't like to swim but still cannot resist seeing me having fun relaxing with the waves.. Haha.. Think he got bitten by something. Damn suay.. His arm pain and a bit reddish.. Laze around till abt 2pm+ then we washed up and returned to vivo.. Nothing much to see at beach anywhere.. Lolx..

Went for subway.. Both of us 1st time eating.. 6-inch or footlong, we dunno which is smaller... Lolx so went for footlong! BIG!! >.< And jason managed to stuff it all in. =.=" While i left with one or two bites.. At there i switched on my HP MINI MAC and watched Drag Me To Hell trailer.. Power... A pity Jasline dun watched horror shows.. Jason jio go watch Transformer. Great.

Returned home thereafter to get my bike then back to vivo to meet up with Jasline. =) Went see see what shows available, and decided on AVM 3D. Both of us never watched 3D before anyway.. Haha.. Jessie suggested we should watch Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.. =.=" 1st time come out with such an innocent gal, ask me watch (PG/Sexual References) show. ZzZzZzZz.. After buying tix, headed for swensen. Realised both of us love vanilla.. Lolx.. Was kinda slight late for show after dessert but still managed to be on time before the show starts. Nice show except for the pain in neck for both of us due to 1st row seats.. Lolx.. After show went shopping a little since i'm looking for a watch and time is not due yet for my practical also.. Both of us actually aim the same watch by Nautica.. Quite expensive and not advisible to get as my job can be quite rough at times.. If i doing office job then i might buy coz really nice and unique..

Headed for my practical and completed my stage 3 finally. Last 2 stages liao.. Shld be able to make it in time.. Headed home thereafter but kinda drizzling so went very slow on the road even on AYE.. Scared.. Lolx.. Tired.

Suddenly recalled that time when the chapter closed and when i'm on my way to bbdc, i shouted and screamed while riding on that long stretch of road to let off the emo inside.. =.=" I'm fine liao.. No need to do that anymore..

Yest at whiskey, vicky suddenly asked for my name. =.=" Jessie said my eyes kept on glued onto her whenever she walked past our table.. Erm, did i..? Lolx.. I was admiring her tattoo on her arm lah...

Pay was delayed for Apr.. =.=" Count wrong move and lent out some money.. Lolx.. Luckily i dun spent much nowadays.. Think shld be able to tahan another one and a half mth.. Seems like everyone is owing me money.. Usually its always the other way round.. All my best buds and close friends knew what kind of situations i'm in ever since i finished army.. Debts and more bad debts.. Always me to borrow from ppl and advance pay taking from bosses... Every mth always not enuff use de.. I wonder why now is the other way round while i'm still inside the hole yet to really recup everything.. But no matter what i had to build up for that needy in 1yr 8mths.. Need tons of cash while levelling my hole at the same time.. Tough but have to be ongoing... Tough times dun last, tough ppl do.. I believe i can do it.. Xiong though..

PcShow..

Tired... 10days of road show at cwp then head direct to suntec.. Xiong.. 1st day totally no mood to chiong... At least 2nd day better... But overall sales still bad... Sigh..

Today evening she called me, too busy talking to cust and also dun really feel like picking up lah.. Last time i will never missed to ans her calls whether busy or not.. When i'm free in abt an hr time, went smoke and called her back.. Asked her she called me for what, then she said nothing much. Juz here and there trying to show some friendship concern like dinner eat liao mah then i said no time to eat then asked me to see if i can quickly go grab a bite or something.. Din care much by replying no time.. Actually there's nothing to talk abt.. I wonder she called for what.. As if i so free like that.. I admit i was cold but well, there's a limit to how much one can endure and further more there's nothing to talk abt. Want to tell me how blissful she and he are going on? Heck. I never even thought of giving her any calls since the 4D thingy.

Simple, when i felt that whatever i do and not being appreciated, i will juz snapped. Even though friends. I'm saying whoever and not juz abt her. She's not my world. Everyone are my world.

Saw Rebecca Wong at the pcshow.. That time at Expo she working as cylon promotor and bought a F2235 from me, we still in contact though. This time she's working for standard chart and ask me to sign up for her.. =.=" Already got liao leh.. Lolx.. Cute and pretty as usual.. =D 1st day i walked past her and din see her then she msg me and scold me say din go over to say hi.. lolx.. Really din see mah.. =P

Jasline also working at the pcshow.. That time in march she bought a DV3605TX from me, still in contact. 1st day called her liao to check on her.. =X She's working 6th floor as a Cylon promotor.. O.O Today before 12 she came over to my booth to say hi then i saw her eating so i disturb her and opened my mouth instantly.. Lolx.. Cute as before.. =P

Yest nite before going back home, headed over to boat quay 7-11 to buy cigarettes and milk. When i came out, saw two gals coming in and all 3 of us stopped... She said i'm very 'shou' to her then i told her not to eat me up.. lolx.. Then we all laughed.. Both of us said forgot already so we smiled and walked our way.. How come got chio bu but i can dun rmb de?? o.O That's so weird of me.. Maybe customer.. Haha..

Suddenly felt so tired again after receiving that call.. Maybe becoz i uploaded those 'scandalous' pic up in my QQ and she saw? But well, it's too late. Even though she still got high chance, nothing's gonna bring me back.. It's all over..

On tue evening on msn saw karen's msn pic which shows her doggie.. Msg her and disturb her why she steal my dog.. Lolx.. Almost the same breed.. Then i put mine up and we compared.. Yup, they are different coz mine is botak.. =X Chat a little more then i logout and go home liao.. Wed morning when i login my msn, saw her msg on msn calling my name weixing.. Sms her and said explained yest no reply.. She replied, "nothing much just all of sudden when talking with u yesterday reminds me of u." "like how weird is that. Like somehow feel close with u but i dunno u anymore like so vague." Memories of the past. Not memories of the bad but memories of the good.. When was that...? 9 yrs back..? Wow... 5days after her bday i was enlisted into army.. Today had a little chat with her too.. But she called me Xing.. (O.O)

Close the book..

The story had reached its final chapter.. If i say no pain, i'm lying.. Two instances.. One, with a little alcohol on day 1 and juz one song, i almost cannot hold back.. Sec, also with a little alcohol and several songs till that song came.. 1st one is more obvious coz before that instance, eyes itchy somemore and have to keep rubbing it till its watery.. =.=

Ppl had been trying to learn the whole story while i keep mum and stuffed everything inside where no one really knows wat's going on.. Still laughing smiling joking at work even after work at BQ.. Only when i spoke to xiaoling, i'm more emotional.. But gotta scolded for being fan jian by her. =.=" Wah lao not as if i woo her de mah.. I long time no woo gals liao lor. Diao.

"I will never leave him.." This sentence set the crack the glass.. Anyway, not impt.. On sat, my new post was being viewed by her. Before that we already had a little row.. I knew she viewed coz i can track who's viewing me de.. Nothing heard from her all the way till i finished work.. Zoom towards SLE, into SLE all the way towards CTE, after Bradell exit PIE, went thru Sim Ave then exited GL on the left, lane change all the way to the rightmost lane and turned into lor 11, rode all the way till the end and stopped outside the temple.. Saw her idling at work, sent a sms but no reply. Smoked one stick, called her.. Ask her if she's angry, she said not really coz the fault lies in her but sure got a little angry due to some untrue statements. Went on and on she yap and yap.. As usual, i dun get to talk much.. Talking abt herself, her own life, her online stuffs, her hometown, her dad, then lastly abt him..

Near the end of the conversation, she told me to take good care and asked if we still can be friends coz i'm a nice guy.. Leaving me doesn't mean i'm of no good but rather unfair to me if she not intending to leave him.. Dragging any further as well ends it now, before things really got worst where we unable to even be friends.. Speechless, i told her.. Then she said then we hang up lor.. She said she did not do me wrong so she will not say 'sorry', coz by saying 'sorry' will mean she's sorry to me..

What else can i say..? Rode silently and fastly home though only 120km/h.. Upon reaching my block, dun really feel like going up... But next day early 6am need wakey for car so no choice.. Went straight for shower.. Water running down my hair for quite a moment.. The water is so cold despite the heater is on yet whole body is so hot.. No breakdown, no sound. I'm still fine and under control.. Lay on my bed trying to slp... After a few min, took up my phone and started msging her a sms of abt 4 pages and sent to her before falling asleep..

Next day, everything seems so pointless with an empty heart and no aim in life.. Colourless, they called it.. Plain and vain with no directions.. Do wat also not right... No mood.. After work went down to BQ with jes they all.. In fact, dun really wanna go coz i know alcohol is evil.. It will bring down all my defences.. I also got msg her joking abt my HP num last 4 digit opened in 4D, "我们才刚分手第一天就开我的号码，如果我有买的话，分手了还有钱分呢。。哈哈。" No reply at all.. So, this is called friends after rs ends? It's meant to be a joke to break the ice by changing the bond into friendship bond.. Now it's wed liao, no reply at all..

I dun really hate her, juz that i hate myself.. Why can't i be playful all the while..? 感情专一的人容易受伤害。。。

Let go bah.. It's not the end but a new begining.. A new chapter of life.. Embrace the sunlight after rain, maybe there's rainbow.. Deep inside, the scar is still there..

Being freedom is good... Back into singular motion.. Home is still on the list.. Car is still on the list.. Wah i feel like spending off brandeds.. KNN i must be crazy..

Extreme Pain in dark

Damn it. Damn it. Damn Rick.

I hate u. I hate u. I hate Rick.

Pain. Pain. Pain Rick.


The light had diminished. Dun really want to talk abt it. Pain is evil.

Unable to shed, nothing outta it.

Unable to scream, nothing outta it.

Unable to hate, nothing outta it.

Unable to love, nothing outta it.

Unable to eat, nothing outta it.

Unable to sleep, nothing outta it.

Unable to play, nothing outta it.

Unable to do things, nothing outta it.

What a mess of life u had there, Rick. Nothing but a failure.

I see no light, i feel no warmth, i smell no smell, i hear no sound, i taste blend.


Happy in disguise.. Keep it that way..
Happy-go-lucky to everyone.. Keep it that way..
Sorrow in darkness.. Keep it that way..

Many said i was like an angel to them.. Well, i'm juz a fell angel, a fallen angel.. I hate myself as much as those who hate me.. Really... 爱太痛。。。除了你我还能爱谁...？我像个残废。。。

Pain..

It's like 4.17am NOW and i had to wakey at 7am later! Damn! Tired! Juz now had a little chat with her and made her gan jiong liao coz machiam i had found out something fishy. After the chat, i still go out and buy her the phonecard... Back home msg her the code and pw.. Awhile later she called back.. Nothing much to say. Nothing much to explain coz nothing goes in.. Went into my QQ blog and type so much in there... All in chinese yes.. Knn now is like machiam everything is my fault. My fault in getting jealous izzit? WTF. Wat the farking world had come to? None of the gals can be trusted. Yes now i meant NONE. All have to be for FUN only. Damn.

In fact, i'm not really getting much worked up. Juz maybe the words i said were quite harsh. Well, not really pissed. Maybe i'm juz finding fault. Finding fault to force myself let go. Finding fault to make her useless and worthless in me. Finding fault to end these. Maybe i'm juz selfish but well, that's me. Take it or leave it. All along my temper was no good at all. So many yrs liao.. Occasionally of coz still will erupt lah.

Jason said i've fallen into the trap again. Girls only mah, scared no have meh? I'm juz lazy.. Build up, stablised, collapsed. Again and again and again. Even Keith also same prob.. So he's back into smoking.. No more commitments so he buy what he want to buy now and do what he used to not do when hitched.. Knn am i going back to my shadow again? Where's my life buoy? I had no one to turn to. Unlike last time liao... Got celena, got carisa, got xuehui, got shan, got jenny, got huiwen, got connie, got dawn. Even Erica is my life buoy even though she only accompany me watch movie.. I know there are some that i din mentioned or missed out. But what's the point of having so many when i dun have one that i can really talk to? When facing them be it in person or on the fone or on sms or in msn, nothing comes out of me.. That's why this blog is still alive and its still opened to public.. Unspoken words that are stucked inside are out in here...

Advices here and there been on going since dunno how many months ago.. Nothing heed. Nothing done. No future? Doesn't give a damn. Two-time? Wastage of time and money, somemore that's not my cup of tea. I'm bad at two-timing. Find FL and release stress? Cure for the time being but not entirely cured. I can go thai/viet with the guys, i can go disco with the guys, i can go pubs with the gang, it's only curing for the time being..

Look for Cyndi, Wendy, Xiaoling, Pamela, Ella? Frankly i will only consider Wendy.. Not our Epson promotor, it's one of the waitress. But who knows, maybe in 1yr 9mths time she's not the intended wife? Anyway, a wife is juz a part and parcel of life. So long she can start my next gen, i dun give a damn. That's what a wife is for, IMO. There's no such thing as love... Love is not blind, i am blind.

Tired..

Yest went down boat quay with jessie and jason.. Supposed to report work earlier today to help out richard.. Too tired unable to wakey.. =.=" Yest drank a bit too much liao... Headache..

Yest saw pamela, she no more working pub liao she said.. But suddenly she promised raymond that she will help out on tue, thurs and sat.. =.=" She actually came boat quay to find her 'auntie' de.. The white colour ah lian.. Lolx.. When outside whiskey smoking saw them. Then her 'auntie' drunk liao put her head on pamela's shoulder.. Then when pamela turn her head to look at her, they kissed! (O.O) Then i gave them the astonishing look but that gal looked at me and smile then sticked out her tongue. =.=" Think her age almost similar to pamela but slightly older. Pam called her auntie is becoz of the generation different, related in blood i guess.. But she vomit until sibei jialat. Ended up pam had to take care of her. =.="

Then Cyndi working yest also at whiskey.. Then wanting me to open bottle. ZzZzZzZzZz.. Seems like she got prob with her bf liao. All ask me to go ahead. =.=" But frankly my mind is full of the white gal.. She also got come in whiskey bar to take water, still can give me a 'V' sign.. Lolx.. I showed her a thumbs-up then she showed she's ok.. Well, that was before she vomit. =.="

The big spec guy beside us kept wanting to talk to my jessie.. Lolx.. Then i write in my iphone to ask her to go ahead lolx.. Cute mah. =P Wah Jessie's pool skills getting better and better.. Especially her double.. Lost so much to her yest.. Power..

Yest got a lot of randoms in mind.. Abt work abt gals abt life abt game. =.=" Jason is right. It's all becoz i dun have a home to bring gals home to, tat's why i always restrain.. Got the signal to go forward but when seeing the fish is bitting the bait, i reel back.. Actually it's not really becoz of a home but more of a commitment or rather a reason to back off.. Days back i juz scolded jessica.. Sigh.. It was a mistake.. Becoz my msn said i divorcing my 'wife', she thot i was married.. Then she asked when i said since the time in ST where jessica working too.. Then scolded me that i'm married but still play around.. Then i scold her back saying that me and her got nothing at all so why bother so much whether i'm married or not.. She said she thot there's something between us that's why she mind that i'm married. Actually it's complicated, in actually fact we truely clean juz went out once to bugis village walk walk nia.. She pissed off and away. =.="

Well, another reeling back in place.. Cyndi's reel also back liao.. Xiaoling's reel also back liao. Xiaocui and Amy also back liao coz they went back china le.. No need reels at all lah.. Anyway, put liao also always not wanting to get any fishes... I'm bad at many-timings. =.="

Genting trip this month end before my roadshow.. Looking forward to this getaway for relaxation..

吴克群-爱太痛

吃不能吃睡不能睡

没有了你全都不对

我都学不会把爱敷衍

用笑容来把眼泪催眠

笑不能笑哭不敢哭人

不像人鬼不像鬼

朋友都说这不过失恋

但我却连呼吸都胆怯

能不能不爱了

因为爱太痛了

我痛得快死了

却无法把你忘了

能不能不爱了

爱情它太痛了

我痛得快死了

却无法把爱割舍

...我不能睡...

我不能够不能够不爱了

226 posts...

Now then i know i had blogged this much already.. =.=" Back from Taiwan days back. Still haven't adapt to the hot weather.. Lolx.. It's like so humid and warm here.. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz.. Half naked also no use. Got alot photos incl jason's total more than 200+.. =.= All had been updated onto my photobucket but kinda lazy to post here.. Maybe after i back from my EXPO bah.. YES EXPO! KNN! =.=" In fact i dun like doing shows.. Shag leh... Always not enuff water.. Sigh!

Fri, Sat & Sun full shift at da show at expo. Arbo will be full shift at cwp. Though i seem rusty liao but i need to buck up somemore to pick up my momentum.. Not enuff work time.. Haiz.. Then bike gives me problem again.. No headlights and signal lights.. ZzZzZz.. On and off lah not totally gone.. Really cannot take it liao.. Monday off day will go BBDC register class 3 then head to cwp for my invoices then do my report then after that will meet weihao go see bike.. If see got like one i think i will proposed to change it.. Waste time and effort and money..

Wed flew Taiwan and reached evening then after we eaten our mee sua, darling called me and did many complains.. Ya her usual rants.. Actually i'm more than glad to be there for her and i'm delighted to hear her complaining.. She's so cute.. Haha.. Then she doesn't seems to believe i'm at taiwan liao coz when she called me the ringing sounds local.. Lolx.. Then on sat morning she called me early in the morning 8am when she reached home. Haha.. Trying to catch if i'm sleeping with another gal bah... Really happy that i received her calls.. ^.^

When back at sg liao, one fine day jio go drinking.. Instead of BQ, went Nana.. Never really like nana though i dun mind the music there.. In fact such clubs i would prefer St James.. But nana liq is cheaper lah... Sigh.. Inside there noticed a siam bu named Coco.. Knew her since abt 2yrs ago when i was still in ST. There was once kelvin toh jio me and david go Parklane there drink then from there i got to know her de.. Ya, she's the one who took off my ring from my finger, that time the other one still on my neck.. The duo of roman time engraved were gotten by me to remind me that time will take away all the unwanted memories.. Still rmb when i with my darling during the 'honeymoon period', she ever asked me how come only got one.. =.=" I kept silence but she guessed it was with my ex, so she confiscated it then buy a new pair of another design.. She's so cute.. ^.^

Back to topic, saw that coco at nana but i din call out to her coz i did saw her but not really sure if it was her.. Then kelvin toh saw her and asked me.... I said ya.. Then she turned and saw me, immediately jumped table and grabbed me by my arms.. =.=" Then the whole nite became so complicated.. Yeah dawn always said nightlife were always complicated.. When the drinking session ending, left with only jason devin and jessie and me with that coco outside da club smoking, the 3 of them ditched me.. =.=" Smoked outside with her then after that she pulled me in again.. At the hallway saw the other gal lor and she's going back already.. Ya the one who looked like my ex.. =.=" The mole near her mouth and the face shape.. Actually i'm more interested in this one.. Lolx.. Then coco talked to her liao, the gal left then coco said she still gotta worked till 6am so told me to go home 1st, next day wan go my workplace find me.. =.=" So i went out and head home then saw the gal board a dark blue Subaru. Diao.. Taken liao.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. Kept thinking of her until i reached home then after bath i realised i forgot to buy cigarettes. Went down to buy since dad pester me to buy him some beer. Knn he already drank enuff still wan to drink somemore. Saw my money in my wallet then everyday also like that. Next day still gotta alot of things to do. Duh..

Afternoon went down vivo meet jason for lunch then get the invoices for the past wk from jessie then at vivo IT counter rush my report. =.=" Reported work at 5pm+.. At nite qiang jio go down BQ to drink then richard maybe going also.. Cannot decide coz called darling and she's not working. Playing game at home whole day.. Then asked if she wanted to meet later so that i can pass her the things i bought for her at Taiwan.. Quite indecisive so unable to promise qiang for BQ also.. At the end of the day, decided go her place find her. Met her and pass her the things.. Bought her 3 pairs of earrings, a necklace, a hp strap blink blink hello kitty, and 3 clothings.. 1st time buy clothing for someone without her trying before buying.. Coz i always scared buy wrong size or something.. Come to think of it, i shld be familiar mah. =.=" Anyway, she still looks great as usual.. No wonder i can't bear to let go.. Sigh.. Then i showed her the watch i bought from batam. She saw and loved it at the 1st sight.. Lolx.. I took down and let her wear. Wow the size is juz right! So...she confiscated it and said will buy a new one for me.. Lolx.. Well, i'm that anything de.. I juz dunno how to reject ppl.. Especially gals.. Haha.

Kiss her goodbye liao then i carry on my way to AYE.. On the road i kept thinking where to go.. Ride and ride and ride, ended up at Geylang. Lolx.. 1am+ we at lor 28 there.. Not really fun lah but quite ok the dancers.. Got a few quite nice they danced.. Nothing much there, also that i'm not interested.. Only wanted a few sip and listened to the techno.. Ended at 2.30am then the gang go eat with two of the gals. Jason went back on cab while i go to my bike.. Went on the BQ to find qiang coz i'm hungry.. He's at Whiskey.. Met up liao went for prata then go back to the pub.. Sit there tok cock, play games with amy and xiao cui, smoke, drink, sing. All the way till 6am. =.=" Lucky next day no work..

When wakey liao meet up with Jason at SLS as he going there to take the AION client from Leon. Then i learn how to top up my account for my AION so that i can get to play.. My account expired liao. =.=" After that we met up with brandon, joan and jess for steamboat at shaw there.. Ate quite alot but doesn't seems to get my stomach filled fully.. =.=" Thereafter, we went boatquay to relax.. I solo there 1st.. Then saw xiao cui and she immediately grab me over.. =.=" Told her i'm not the boss today but can help her a bit by sitting outside whiskey lah but in the end still gotta use her own strength to persuade the rest.. Lolx.. In the end, we are in. Pool almost all the way.. Then got something happened.. Got a xiaoqiang went up brandon's pants... Lolx.. Disgusting lor.. In the end we did not ordered another bottle though for me jess and jason, it's still early.. We went back early.

Wed nothing much. Morning bought concert tix on behalf of cousin then went work. Went makan with wendy then she followed me to basement to buy the birdnest, help my cousin buy de also. After work went back home and played my Aion.. Jason did called and asked me to go down Lips but kinda no mood to go.. So simply stayed at home..

Today bz day sia.. Went over to pay for my bike installment then go Bugis to pick up the concert tix then the sistic said their printer broke down, told me to go Bras Basah or Cityhall to collect.. =.=" Went on to Bras Basah to get the tix then straight to work.. Today working quite flop.. =.=" Got biten by a few customers though they really wanted to buy com de.. All also served so long.. But bo bian lah.. Need sales.. In the end only gotten 4sets. =.=" Dad called and said he din cook, told me to buy my own food.. At 1st qiang tempt me with BQ de.. But think think, dun wanna go.. Coz i wanna go down Geylang.. Lolx... Not to go to those places lah... But went to darling's workplace and ordered two packets of chicken chop takeaway.. Wah see her from afar i melt liao.. Lolx.. She saw me and was smiling. Made a funny face but still smiling.. ^.^ When i ordering food, she straightaway intro me to her aunt, as ex-colleague. As well as the person who intro yanyan to best denki. Yanyan is her lovely daughter. Thus, i was able to tabao the food for free.. =.=" Walao biz is biz leh.. Arbo i would look like someone who's trying to earn credit or rather favour.. But darling insist that she will not take my money. =.=" Thanked both of them then head to my bike and head back home.. Wah their store really busy.. =.= Biz is so good..

On my way back home, at Lavender there my fone rang. Since i at traffic light red, took out my fone and saw darling calling. Immediately stopped by the bus-stop and called her back. 4 missed calls to me.. =.=" Thought she called me becoz wan to find me to smoke.. Lolx.. Actually she's doing her delivery and was on her bicycle.. Said she unable to really tok to me coz gotta work.. Tok abt some usual stuffs of work and personal then she gotta get bz with work liao. Thus, i carry on my way home then eat my chicken chop. Yummy.. So full of love.. Lolx..

Msn with jessie and she sent me alot of songs. Wah all i dun have de.. O.O Think i really getting old and rusty liao.. Lolx.. Showed the casing that i wanna ordered from hongkong.. Nice lor.. Dunno shld i get it or not.. I always liked things that are unique and not easily available.. Shag.. At 1st thot wanna blog a little then go slp liao coz tml expo 10am muz reach.. Now then i know i rant so much.. Lolx..

But really, i really regret what i did.. =.=" Wtf.. Think i'm going back to the times that i shld reject all siam/viet clubs/pubs..