It's been such a long week.. Time is so hard to pass.. So many things to do... =.= Yet at work so little to be done with such low amount of stocks.. I'm left with mainly display sets... Wtf..

Went for my motor prac 2 this morning.. Wakey so early at 6.30am.. =.= During the lesson on bumpy course, lost control and fell down. The metal guard press right on my right leg, to be precise, my toes.. My shoe is a soft type not safety boots.. Damn 3 toes swollen. Damn pain lor. Stupid bike so heavy lol.. But i'm not giving up yet. The next time i will pass my stage 2. Hmpf!

Went to vicom to have my bike checked, passed liao.. No more smokey bike. Went over to Queensway and have my valve checked coz bike is maxed out at 70km/h. Diao.. The screw came out again.. This time my technician use a rubber tube to block it off.. Saying if it doesn't help then i gotta change valve liao.. Another hundred odds. Then the fairing i haven't change also.. Also a hundred plus.. wtf almost 1k liao if i count this way.. Juz for servicing.. =.= He advise me to go for a trade-up.. Think maybe i will get a 'little lamp' or wave or sparks or x1.. Small is good.. Juz like how i always prefer small gals.. lolx.. Perv..

Juz for her only. Went to Orchard yest nite and did some shooting and filming.. Though to singaporeans this is a bo liao thing to do, but not for the case of foreigners.. Anyway, she dun have the time to go down to snap so i do it on her behalf so that when she's going back to china, she can show her family members on the season in sg.. Reached Orchard and it's so crowded there.. Unable to really film while walking.. Needed a handycam instead.. Sigh.. Did many shots along the way and several videos all the way to Plaza Singapura then from there walk home coz no more public transport other than taxi.. Did not ride coz Orchard had been sealed off so juz walk lor.. This is at least something little that i can do.. Well yeah, i still dote on her.. When on the way home, she accompany me on the fone till i walked home. Despite she's cycling and doing delivery.. So dangerous for her.. I told her that special events are nothing much unless there's someone there beside to share the joy.. She felt my neglect.. Kept apologise but well, there's nothing we can do.. Maybe if i burn down the shop she's working at? Lolx... I'm not that unreasonable.

Mon and tue will be my off day.. Think mon will go see if i can change bike as well as settle my installment.. Hopefully my fone also ready for collection.. Think tue will meet up with her bah.. Long time no be with her liao.. Somemore this coming wed which is her off day, she still have to work coz her aunt got open shop.. Still thinking of bring her to mount faber and maybe a trip of cablecar also.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. Bo bian lor.. Think meet her liao then when she go work, i go home play game bah.. Need to chiong more wars... Yup i'm back into my game.. More healthy also lol.. But i dun mind going for a few glasses since Pamela kept msg me to go down support her.. Can lah think can support even if she's on top.. Oops! =X Time to go work. Sian. Go work to stand not to sell coz nothing to sell.. Waste time.. But still got to go.. Integrity problem. =.=

A new resolution?

2009 is coming.. Isn't it time for a new resolution..?

Been thru her friendster yesterday.. She indeed become fatter and fatter.. Lolx.. Juz like wat jason described.. Her face almost bloated.. But when looking thru all the pics, a painful sensual running thru my veins.. The good old days and the bad old days.. I really dun deserved such a bitch.. Sigh..

It's complicated. That day went drinking with jason and her at Millions then after that went over to Raining.. Unable to finish up the balance despite her kept wanting to drink more.. We chatted a lot that day.. Surprisingly.. And she gave me a new vision also.. Told me that if there's really another nice gal, told me to go ahead.. Coz she felt it was unfair for me since she's unable to make a decision and commit herself.. It's neither this nor that for her.. Complications leading to nowhere.. Like Carisa always says that i'm the mr nice guy but well, i'm juz bad at rejecting unless i really dun like.. Juz like wat i did that time at Nana where she almost got me and plus those words from her ringing into me.. The more she advises, the more reluctant i'm to end the relation with my gf.. Though deep in there i wish i can, without any hesitation.. In fact, u might be the one who can release me.. But well, i'm again being sealed with a passionate kiss after the raining bar session.. Lolx..

This mth is so broke.. And yet sales so bad.. Worse still, low on stocks made me mad.. But afterall, xmas shld be a joyous occasion.. But wallet had quite a big hole.. lolx.. My sis bought me a Gucci Wallet with clip-function.. In return, i had ordered her an Ipod Nano 8gb limited edition Red. Got a Canon digital camera for my gf, short of the memory card though.. Will be going sls to get her a 8gb for the cam. She's going back to her country juz before my bday and she needed one for the holiday trip.. Bought myself a new specs finally.. Damn broke now..

Went to enrol for my class 2A liao and booked TP on the 18th Feb. Went for stage 1 and cleared with one try. WTF lor. =.= Unexpected. Coz the 2A bike is totally diff from my TZM.. Much more powerful but the bike that i gotten is awfully lousy with bitting point so far off. Not used to it. The body is much bigger than my bike. The weight is so much heavier than my bike. Hopefully i dun break my record of 1-time-pass for all tests. Lolx.. Going to enrol for my class 3 when next yr comes. Afterall, car is much better and more comfy.. Less danger..

My bike is finally settled. =.= Waste so much of my time and money.. Think will be selling it off or by trading in for 2A bike. Think will get S4.. But spec 1 will do i guess.. I dun need so good since i intend to change to car..

Sales been real bad lately and stocks had been reduced to dust today. Knn. She said since i dun wanna go show, she as well STN all stocks out. Wtf lor. Since when i said that. He called me and ask if my side got stocks or not only lor, not ordering me to go expo. If he ordered me to go, would i say a NO to that order? Think this time is gana framed and words are being put in my mouth. Freaking this superstore is not the only one that i can work at. Bastard and Bitch. A bastard who thinks with his cock and talks with his balls. A bitch who listens with her CB and talks with big hole. Pui. I dun have to be under your account. Precisely, i dun take the fucking bitch salary, less the fucking bastard. Wonder when they getting retrenched. Think pretty soon bah. Old liao shld rest at home or clean the toilet. Shld not waste on company's money. Piss.

Genting trip in Jan. =D In fact, really waiting for it coz can go overseas.. Lolx.. Though i dun gamble and i hate gamble, i dun mind going for exploration. So excited that i immediately did my passport online but got a feeling that i will still need to go down to ICA for photo.. =.= Anyway, spending money like nobody business. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz. Still haven't settle my bills yet lolx.. Hope they dun cut me out so fast..

Really feeling very tired.. When the tension is too great to handle, it might juz snapped.. Even a rubberband had got its limit, less said a human. Been quite tolerant already.. Guess it's really time for me to say goodbye to my TZM.. A bad choice at the start.. Indeed bikes are like computers, similar to human.. One illness cured, another came then followed by another.. Never-ending shits, pile after another then another.. Regarding the other, i'm also growing tired.. Maybe it's time soon. Wo ye ke yi yi xi guan yi ge ren shen huo.. Though i dun need nobody but i'm fine with nobody either.

Some things had to be resolved before i start being unfaithful, coz that can be addictive.. Afterall, i haven't had enuff fun yet, not juz yet.. Bah, water flows surely to the sea. What comes around goes around. It's not the end yet it's juz another begining to start with. Anyway, it's far end that matters and not juz the near future. Still, my mindset of locals is still the same. None can be trusted. lolx..

Today Adam says how two-faced i am. Well, i juz need to cater myself to the world juz to make a simple living by earning meanie $700 per mth. Stop! Dun suan me! I'm really earning $700 basic pay per mth mah!! >.< I'm not lying!!

Talking abt two-faced, i can still rmb Dawn's face on how she can change that so quickly.. I kinda miss those days where i always disturb her from opposite when we are working at Suntec.. I still waiting for her to intro that cute gal to me. Neck long long liao lor. ZzZzZzZzZz.. Anyway, good things are worth waiting. I wonder.. Coz that's a MIS.. Oops!

So fake everyday.. That smiling face is nothing but a fake. So tiring.. Someone did mentioned that i'm good at acting innocent.. =.= Aiyo i may look blur while i know what's going on but that doesn't mean i have to get myself into quicksand.. Even though i dun get involved, nothing's gonna change a thing. Even if getting involved does that mean it will really change something? I'm not the kind who will waste meaningless time on trival matters which doesn't even concern my life..

If i feel something's gonna worth my effort, i wun even think for a moment to help out. I know i wun die even if i'm alone coz the world is too big, not to even mention small fly. Some things what u meant to see may not be what u think u had seen. More than to meet the eyes. Because reality itself is not as simple as ABC. Juz like how someone spur out however much more the someone earning, that someone still ended up with nothing. Juz like how someone spur out however much the someone saving, that someone still ended up with nothing in the end. This is quite confusing coz i have to be careful with what's posted here. There are eyes all around and i may mean no harm but harm might juz come anytime anywhere. Not that i really care nor it concern me. But i feel that both are neither right nor wrong. There's no such thing as a definite...

Some says it's a wastage for holiday trips..
Some says it's a wastage for good food..
Some says it's a wastage for pampering others..
Some says it's a wastage for gambling off..
Some says it's a wastage for being thrifty..
Some says it's a wastage for drinking while deteriotating body..
Some says it's a wastage for DIAO HUA..

There's so much wastage logically known by many but how come there are still ppl doing so?

Juz like how i never believed in 4D and yet once in a blue moon i still do buy $1..?
Juz like how i detest my own dad in wasting money on beer and cigerettes yet i'm doing it as well..?
Juz like how i hate ppl who gamble and yet i used to try it..?
Juz like how i hate ppl who took drugs and yet i still got friends who are like that..?

Juz like how i hate myself for being myself. Why was i born in the 1st place.. Damn.

Dun get me wrong. I dun need any sympathy nor do i need anyone. I'm fine with myself becoz i did, for 26yrs. Can't wait till March. Damn.

When in that state of mind where nothing goes in, that's where life buoy comes in. It's no longer there.. Not juz any life buoy will do, coz 'life buoy' do have an 'expiry'.. And yes i'm very fussy on that though can be easily satisfied and pleased on most occasions. Unfortunately, not.

Well, i guess i'm on my own. Ya, all along.. It's gonna be me, myself and i.
X'mas, New yr, CNY, Bday, Valen, Holi.. Even though already got events but inside still alone. Nothing's gonna change a thing for that.. But it's ok...

That day went to do bike and saw Huining there collecting her phantom with her friend.. She's wearing her uniform, like a dress, and yet she's riding.. =.= Power.. Lolx.. She still looks the same except that she had her teeth done already.. Been so many yrs liao of coz done liao lah.. Duh.. Still as attractive as before but she saw me and cannot recognised me.. =.= When i sms her then she know it was me, still thought which ah beng looking at her.. lol.. Please leh.. I so guai where got beng..? ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. And she's still on P-plate? Weird. Think she did not remove lah..

The excessive white smoke from my bike is driving me crazy lol.. Need to go put more cotton into the exhaust, heard from one colleague.

Sales going pretty normal as usual.. Ppl saying i 'cannot eat finish'.. =.= Dun have lor.. Can't even reach my target.. Sigh..

Pretty laid back lately.. Laying low on drinking also.. Good good.. Healthy lifestyle.. Lolx.. Botak din come work for quite a few days liao. Dunno what happened.. Hope he's ok..

Asked my sis to check for the flight to Taiwan in March.. When dad heard that, he was surprised that i was going alone. =.= I mean, what's there to be surprising.. Though in a foreign land, but still that place ain't indonesia nor thailand neither malaysia. That place shld be safe for solo-ing.. Not the least scared but more of looking forward to it. Something new ready for a little exploration.. Thrill. This is what they so-called adventure..? Free and easy, backpacked everything and go.

Lazy to do much posting lately.. Tired of taking trains. Duh.. But there's so much to see on the train. Lolx.. See no evil mah.. Touch then evil lor.. =P

Been much into beer lately, all thanks to mr richard.. lolx.. But i'm still controlling myself. So refrain.. Yest went QB with richard only.. The table next to us came two ladies and immediately i spotted one who looks familiar but yet i juz cannot figure how where when. This Veron very very familiar lor and she also thought so but we aren't in the same sec sch leh. This ain't Deja Vu coz there's a little memories in her seeing me before. What the heck is going on? Anyway, richard hooked up that Regina while i did nothing. Yup nothing again.. At 1st was having the mood but the last 'bottoms up' got me outta mood entirely with no interest in anything except for wanting to go home that badly. Yeah, that's the bad point of me getting drunk.. When ppl drunk, they can go around vomiting here and there then can make joke outta it. Whereas i can't vomit, coz if i did, i'm as good as a dead fish.

And great, now almost everywhere in BQ know me as Nemo. =.=" ZZZZZZ.. The point is why am i in such a high profile state. Anyway, time to ration. Finally got my baby back to health with several IVs.. lolx.. Yeah, bikes also can be IVed. Next would be washing and polishing it back to clean clean.. Then finally would be going for changing of parts and maybe a little spraying for touch up..

Heard comments on my singing. It's been a while since i last heard that.. Bad sign.. Coz when that happens, bad things cropping up one after another.. This mth is a bad mth with so many bad things happening.. Juz gana caught for my visor for being too dark.. $50 fine. Wtf. I guess it's time to get full-face with no visor then get my specs and sunglass..

Finally sent my dopod for repairs.. They are unable to give me a 1-to-1 exchange policy due to it's repairable. Duh.. Anyway, it's still under warranty. Can't wait to have it back... Life's so miserable without it..

Sis said she will be booking the tix for Bangkok next mth for Feb trip.. I still wanna go Taiwan leh.. Maybe i shld go alone... Go there alone and no matter what i do, no one there to disturb. Like, shopping with my own sweet time, makan with my own sweet time, explore with my own sweet time.. Life's too hectic that one must enjoy once a while with a little pampering in the right area.. I dun need any materials to satisfy my needs, emo and soul.. It's the pleasure that satisfy my thirst for serenity.. WTF am i toking abt? Argh. I juz wan a break.

Guess it's time to clear the rest of my bad debts in the near future.. Never-ending shits. How i wish i got wings to fly away or if not juz stopped breathing in my sleep. Anyway, it's not important anymore whether if i exist. I yearn ceased to exist..


I think i still prefer short hair..

What's with that sour feeling in there..?

Shld i still stay at Causeway Point..?

Maybe i shld not get a car any sooner..

I wonder what lies in the future..

I think i need my med back too...

Afterall, it's me, myself and i..

Sales going normal lately. Back to norm I guess.. Though that's really not enuff for me to hit my target, think shld be ok lah.. At least still can survive lah.. Juz like how I survive with nec pay.. Anyway, commitments aren't as great as before.. Juz normal house issues and that forever drunken guy issues. Really cannot have cash on me. Really knn. That place is utterly cannot be called a place, home. Hell with it.

Slept really early lately and wakey early for roadshows.. It's a bit extreme and unlike me.. Lolx.. But sometimes, that's our part to fulfill lah.. Juz like even though i'm not being paid on mon to thur, but still come work.

Bike was being sent to shop to do repairs and maintenances.. Repair valve, clean exhaust, change brakes, change engine oil, change spark plug, change a dunno wat thing that caused my bike to cannot start.. Oh, and put silencer. Anyway, doing these minors cost me over 300 bucks. =.= Shag. Maybe when take back liao and i'm more comfortable with it, I might juz keep it till the end of time or maybe till class 2 or class 3..

That had quite a long chat with my gf on the fone than usual.. Happened that somehow, several events were alien to me when she said she did told me before. My memory wasn't that bad lor. Haiz.. Can feel the bridge again.. Was it me or was it the dark cloud again? Commit myself? No way. At least not yet.

Been taking train lately.. Really not used to public transport.. Missed my train two times.. One time at Jurong Interchange and have to take cab back, that day had a few cans of beer with Richard and Steven after roadshow.. Second at Dhoby Ghaut and have to walk home, help cust to do installation and setup after work after her school.. Though Dhoby Ghaut near to home but kinda lazy from a tiring day of work yet dun wanna waste money on cab.. Money not easy to earn even though earning more than before.. Need to learn more from uncle tianxing.. Hahaha..

Wah wah wah. Adam and ken help me sell DV6773TX today and also a 2800 series from ken.. Uncle and keith help me sell DV4 series! Mr richard also help me sell DV5. Wow wow. Actually no matter what they sell, all of them are very nice ppl. Lol tripod.. But no leh, all of them really nice guys mah. Super duper good de. Haha. Anyway, what they sold are not impt lah, coz down the bottomline, I still have to do my job. It's not as if I can get lazy and slp at home. Though got ppl said that i'm a Three-Point-Five.. Ya three-point-five-floppy-disc. In short, flop. =.= Then I closed one power-pack and he took back his words. Not I dun wan to close deal leh.. Juz dun have the chance leh. Sigh..

Kept thinking of the negatives. Paliah leh.. For a such MIC, she shld be finding an old one with cpf credited into bank account de.. But why me? A broke with no future.. =.= And somemore that time when no working it wass her who supported me a bit financially.. Even when going drinking there's few times she's the one paying for it.. Joanne, brandon and jason do know abt this coz they saw.. Now what I did was merely a 30 bucks fone card monthly. Wtf. And repay with negative thoughts with that aroused suspicions on blank. For her there's no necessity to play such coz there's not much benefits from me and no liabilities.. Well I understand that she can 'do it' now and she might 'do it' the next time, but the reason for this case is, i'm not impotent.. It's neither the dark cloud nor her. It's juz me, myself and I. When will I stop playing..?

Juz came back from Tiong Bahru. Today supposed to meet up Jason for sentosa.. Put him plane and early morning went bukit panjang meet up Alicia and her younger cousin for breakfast. After that me and her cousin took a cab to great world city for her interview as CSA. Told her that it’s wiser to take up at IMM coz it’s nearer to her place but she chose Vivo instead.. Kinda worry coz I’m not there to look after her whereas Alicia told me to.. In fact she wanted me to get her into Courts instead since it’s nearer to her place and got me there to look after her.. Well, in fact her future is brighter at Best.. Work upwards lor.. At least got prospects from wat I see. Not that my side no prospects lah juz that I dunno what she wanted herself or rather what she wanted for the future.. Hope letting her into vivo is not a wrong move haha..

Hmmm… Her mum is the stall holder..? That means Alicia is working for her mum.. Anyway, thurs will be going down to vivo with her for her 1st day of work.. Haha machiam big brother bringing little sister to report work lolx…

Sunday drinking session on form sia.. Crazy.. But gotten super hangover the next day.. =.= Super woozy feeling at work.. Can’t rmb much on that nite.. Only a ‘moshi’ & ‘hello kitty’. Lolx.. And also a five-ten for a kiss. Hahaha.. Actually I dun have a thing for her at all. The xiao bu dian fares better. Lolx..

Maybe tonite got another drinking session.. Anyway, tml going to pick up my baby.. Guess need to wash her liao.. Sure very dirty de.. hmmm..

2 days back went nana with them again. This time so many ppl there.. Zhiwei, nicky, soon heng. Not the usual gang.. Lolx.. Unable to find a reason not to go coz was being pressed by my sweetie as I put her plane once. Haha.. Anyway relax only since i'm not the target.. Zhiwei gana down a lot of glasses.

He said she looks like dawn, not only the looks but the actions and reactions too.. I long time ago did mentioned they are resemblance but no comments from my gf that time.. Anyway, there's no way my sweetie can replace dawn and there's no way my dawn can replace my sweetie. =) Coz to each is individual, there's no replacement nor substitute..

Maybe there's a little confusion here.. Neither dawn nor sweetie are my gf.. Juz my friends. Haha.. A title is juz a title, there's nothing more to it. Anyway, i'm attached though available but made myself unavailable. Lolx contradictions plus complications.

Where are u when I need u most? =.= Off ur stupid fone and dunno wat u are doing. Heck.

Saw the upcoming events.. Sunday drink, monday drink, tuesday drink. Felt weak on the thought of that. Lolx..

From 'complicated' to 'attached'. Hmmm.. Then was it that I heard wrongly abt 'single' two days back? Coz it's that 'single' that's why that married man wanna go nana, or was it becoz she looks like dawn that's why he wanted to go? Anyway, I dunno wat's up but I will not be gone until sweetie is on her way home. She also drank a lot that day.. Thot soon heng sending her home when her guy not coming to pick her up. In the end, I did not send her back even though I planned to. =.=

ICQ

Suddenly received a mail from ICQ in my hotmail.. Did managed to login lolx after so many many years... Found this inside my own profile..


About Me
Setsunasa
Bagurakasu no niwa nareteru no ni
Konna toki dake namida ga
Tomerarenai nowa naze darou...

I dun even rmb wat that means.. I think this got something to do with celly... lolx.. Coz that time it's becoz of cel, i'm more into japanese..

Memories.. Yeah, they still linger.. But better not haunt.. Lolx.. Anyway, juz back from a quickie from boat quay. Coz my supervisor help me sold two DV5, so ok lor. Juz go down awhile.. Access Room reopening?!?! Actually, it's no longer the Access Room.. Took over by another boss dunno from Whiskey or Martin.

Dawn is at Dbl-O, asked me to go over.. Got a little bit tempted by her.. Actually not her but someone else.. Haha.. Tml got roadshow lah.. If not, can consider going de.. Anyway at Millions there quite boring and dun really like it there today.. Ok lah need to go koon liao.. Need wakey early tml.. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz...

Locked..

Didn't know that she's so active in facebook.. Seeing her now makes me content, at least she can live without me. Live as if i do not exist in her world anymore.. Dunno if she's still in singapore but can see from her facebook she seems to be in New York now..

Days back i tumbled onto her facebook.. Going thru the contents and pics.. There still seems a slight pain in there.. Memories can be painful at times though blissful at the same time.. How ironic.. An untied knot. There's no way to turn back time, neither a way to undo that knot.. Forever etched and locked in that frozen cave that i once broke free with the help of celena.. Ever sentimental as it can be, as painful the agony i can feel inside her that time.. Regrets, are all that i had left with, in the book of life.. I only can wish for all the happiness that she can get.

Getting lazy lately. Rest is to allow more energy for the coming meteor. I simply hate roadshows.

Think no need to go book class 3 liao this week. Roadshow starting in 2 days.. When roadshow ends, can already book my class 2a. Guess will juz have to book both together.

Lolx..

Haha really cannot tahan sia!! Marilyn looks real cute in that new pic with her frowning with her bear!! Lolx.. One word, SWEET! Haha.. Wat's got into me sia lolx.. Maybe i'm too stressed from the aftermath.. Any single little cutie can perk me up lolx.. I'm so fan jian. lolx.. I must be crazy.. Roflmao...

A pity yest didn't go work.. If not i think i can pick up more sales coz overall sales not bad.. Sigh.. Bo bian lah no mood to work also.. Today also ok lor.. At least can vie with Acer but of coz still lose. Haha.. Well i dun mind though. Hee. Coz it's not lenovo or dell that is dominating.

Anyway, thinking of the next upcoming roadshow. Maybe i shld use my c794 to kill the market in terms of pricing.. I mean, need all highs and lows model in order to balance out the nature.. If not ppl like dell or lenovo will kill and eat more shares.. Even though low end more prob also bo bian one..

Beer Fest

Omg i really hate beer. Goddamn shit that i'm almost a goner within 3 glasses straight. Yet they see me can drink with gals then disturb me say i can't drink with them.. Zzzzzzz... I'm drinking Martell leh not beer that time. Beer is really not my cup of tea, erm drink.

Again left my bike at boat quay while richard and the golden hair send me home. I'm drunk but i still manage to walk myself home from the coffeeshop. In the end unable to wakey the next morning.. Rush report for an hr when i woke up at 4pm.. Mina called and asked for my report.. By 5pm, finally done and email it over to them..

Got quite a few calls during my slumber but can't really rmb it well lolx.. Supposed to go work today and pack up those mess of roadshow aftermath.. Got an sms from Olivia that pay will be late and expect delay from now onwards.. No mood to go work. Anyway, i'm not paid on weekdays.. Heck. 1 and a half mth to process pay. Wtf. And yet i'm earning lesser than Lenovo and Dell. Wtf wtf wtf.

Mei chin wanna disturb me to make me drink. Well, can do anything to make me drink but wanna play 'friendship' that's ridiculous. If i dun even treat u as a friend i dun even bother a single shit. Anyway, though i'm drunk but i rmb clearly that i saw Stacey crying outside. But the dog came out real fast. Was that her dog? No idea and not that i really care.

Another roadshow upcoming and pc show upcoming.. Shacks. I'm exhausted even though i got not much sales.. Need a break real soon i guess..

Hmmmm... She seems to be back into the picture. How come feeling slight sour inside..? That shld not be the case leh.. Sigh.. Wat's got into me? Anyway, i shld be happy for her ah.. Wtf dunno wat's my mind made of.

原谅我

原谅我

请不要分了以后还记得亲吻过的承诺

你的永久已不属於我

默默低头那时我很多话梗在喉咙

你的笑你的快乐不是我爱太多想太多

我能感受他比我适合

爱放了手我伪装冷漠比你先说分手

请原谅我原谅我不成熟

不爱你是藉口好让你离开我

请原谅我好想自私将你占有

一个寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活

请不要分了以后还记得亲吻过的承诺

你的永久已不属於我

默默低头那时我很多话梗在喉咙

你的笑你的快乐不是我爱太多想太多

我能感受他比我适合

爱放了手我伪装冷漠比你先说分手

请原谅我原谅我不成熟

不爱你是藉口好让你离开我

请原谅我好想自私将你占有

一个寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活

爱过恨过哭过也笑过

亲吻过你的脆弱

其实我比谁都要懦弱

原谅我必须假装爱错

别让时间倒流我怕说不出口

原谅我没有解释太多心痛

别无所求彻底忘了我爱原来要舍得我

难过我才懂

=.=

She said today she was very late and someone is sending her to work today.. =.=" I mean, u dun have to feel nervous when u are saying that.. Even though it's a guy who is sending, so what. But, when u saying is a dajie and feeling nervous, that sounds lagi not convincing. Maybe i'm juz too hard to please, maybe another might fits better in the picture..

Everyone had been taking pics like no one business while my dopod cam is spoilt. =.=" In fact, ever since my last, i dun wanna take anymore.. Nvm next week will go get my fone, the screen as well as the cam. No point in getting a new one when mine worth over 1k.. Even if repair cost is more than 10%.. I'm so used to keyboard.. haha.. Anyway, my cam got flash one lor. ZzZzZzZzZz.. Though not like dawn's N95 with 5mp de but still can take de ok!

This time round different liao.. Even though percentage is lesser than the previous, but majority is still on the 'find another' side.. Previous de more vigorious lah.. But i guess a '2-timing' is definitely a no-no coz even myself will not allow it.. Coz i'm always the one got betrayed? lolx.. Normal lah these kind of life. It's all abt suffering and happiness. Nothing is perfect, it's juz balanced..

Kept finding the Ti Amo and cannot find until she posted the mtv.. Lolx.. I'm really very toot toot when finding songs.. But still can get Jay full album lor. Bleahz. =D But this song seems kinda hard to sing.. Coz the chorus part, the guy dun sing much rather than a echo-ing or rather like a backup singer.. Main focus is on the gal side.. And this original singer's voice is so power that she almost covered the guy's voice.. Machiam Dai Ai Ling - Dui de ren. Oh ya she got a new song and heard it several times at Millions and also Whiskey.. Kept on forgetting the name..

Anyway, it's been decided.. Next wk cfm very busy.. Go do my bike, do my specs, book my class 3. Think will be getting 2 days off.. Maybe use one day meet dawn for dinner, maybe with movie..? Hehe.. Of coz with a reason and she knows lah wat's on Xing's mind. =P

Oh shit man!! My sweet nothings never stop! Knn i can even say those sweet nothings to an auntie and made her so happy lolx.. Wtf lor.. Haha. And it still seems to work. Oh shit i think i eat too much honey.. lolx.. My mind had not been rusty so far so long.. But i think i use those on cust better.. Haha..

This mth sales will be quite flop.. But no matter how flop, i cannot flop too much.. Still have to survive lor.. But my roadshow skills still sucky leh. I hate roadshows... Juz like that time sell nec also.. Totally lost and dunno how to sell.. Washing skills total no use.. Haha.. Well they also said, when u cannot even trust ur own ability, who else can? Need to buck up and chiong liao... Even if lapsap also muz grab liao. I'm being too lenient to the staffs for always been wanting to close those with spif for them. I mean, i still have to eat mah. Why care for others when u urself can't even feed urself? But not till the extend of selling all super low-ends lah. Nap one muz still goes nap lah, dun gu-gu go until pk..

Anyway, hope all my CBs come back this weekend.. At least can pick back a bit.. Even though my brand is not a house-brand but still it's quite a strong brand lor. Knn how can lose to other brands.. Since still got some supports, muz chiong also. It's not the time for relax.. This mth sales will be for CNY de lor. When totally no supports, no matter wat brand also die.. Friendship? Friend lan lor. But also have to do the right thing and do things right lah..

Cloud9...

=D =P =)

On cloud nine today.. lolx.. Today's her off day and as expected she's gone to dunno where and do wat but well, not really not i wanna control her that much.. Anyway, i'm having roadshow on my side this week.. In fact, we agreed on going fishing prawn today after dinner and movie.. In the end, felt so bad for not able to accompany her on her off day..

She said she went to meet her aunt for some food at Orchard. Total 5 ppl including kids. Ate Dim Sum and spent over $100+.. She bought a SK-II facial and a blouse for over $400.. =.=" But ok lah.. As long she happy lor.. Anyway, not using my money..

Around 9pm+ she called me and asked me where am i.. Lolx. Was quite shocked that she came down to Causeway Point to find me.. Haha. Went for a smoke when she came then wanted to go eat pizza coz she said she missed pizza.. But they closing soon le so she decided not to eat liao. Anyway, both of us also tired from a day's work.. Sent her to the cab and kiss her goodbye before heading back to my shop to get my invoices then be on my way home..

She again wearing skirt but today no high heels.. I guess it's time i change my transport liao.. Will be going to book my car next wk after my show and end of mth book my class 2a.. Will be taking both together.. Despite yx kept telling me that like that take will be very xiong.. But i still wanna do it leh.. Whenever i decide on something, i dun like to change.. For example, when i decide how to celebrate ur bday, i dun like to change events.. Juz like how i wanted to celebrate for her that day.. Haiz.. Anyway, nvm lah.. Next yr we try again. I wanna make it more memorable for her.. I felt so useless at times..

Spoke to dawn this afternoon on msn.. Luckily there's still someone to talk to during my boring roadshow.. Time is so hard to pass and working hrs so long from 11am till 10pm.. Here not like vivo where so many ppl around know one another and can tok cock all the way till end of day even though got sales coming in..

Mentioned to her abt the gal in her gang, i mean group.. Got not much info leh.. But frankly lah, seen her so many times but never really spoke to her once, however she doesn't fail to catch my attention.. Always smiling and laughing whenever i see her.. Haha. Anyway, they having complains for that Whiskey Bar. Bad service, bad condition, bad attitude. Lolx.. Guess they will be going to Millions next time coz Mei Chin they all at there. But anyway, Millions merging with White Bar i think. Dawn says will intro me that gal the next time they go pubbing will ask me along.. haha. In fact, she wanted to see me and that gal together.. So that all of us can go out often thereafter juz like last time. At least, my 'gf' know them and can click. =.="

This mth sales think going to be gone case again.. lolx.. Going back to old normal sales with maybe enough-money-to-buy-food-salary.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz...

Seriously intend to get car.. Even the cheapest car also can but no super-old-cars please.. Most prob when i get my 2A, i will get my superfour.. Then will go survey and see if paying more down payment can reduce the monthly payments or not.. Anyway, will be cutting down on my internet, cabletv and mobile so as to suffice for the car.. Plans had been made and i dun feel like changing.. Unless i can use my aunt's company name to get a car.. Hehe..

. . . . . . .

The 'I Love You' juz came out like that.. Easily, freely with no extra heartbeat.. Now i understand how it feels when u always ended a call with a 'luv ya'.. Juz so naturally.. So mutual.. And with an instant reply of 'me too'.. She did that without any hesitation. Exactly what i wanted.. Afterall the fire is not out yet.. =)

I'm not into short-term. Everyone sees far in the future but love is blind.. In fact, i'm worn-out long ago so i dun care much abt such.. If got, then got lor.. If dun have, then so be it.. To end it and start anew is total wastage of my time. There's no certain in the future. The next one may not be any better than current, the next one may be better than current. But is there a definite answer? I'm not into play-mode anymore. But if even FT cannot fit into my dictionary then i dunno wat i'm supposed to do. Frankly, i got no trust for MIS. Though i shld not discriminate juz becoz of a few bad sheeps, a rotten apple can caused whole basket of apples to rot even if not all, most of them still rot.. I dun have the patience to find the right apple. So, live and let live.

Weirdo

WEIRD!!! I rmb very very clearly that yest nite i'm still very sober!! I can even rode home!! But juz before i go slp i'm damn drunk!! WTF!!!!

Yest is my courts IT dept supervisor's bday celebration at Millions. Reached there early so went to makan a little at the prata shop then when walk past Whiskey(or was it qb?) Bar and saw Dawn and gang in there. Stare inside from the outside window. Dawn's friend seems so excited on seeing me. =.=" I mean.. I dun even rmb who is she... I dun even rmb her face.. Haha. Went in to disturb a bit before going for my makan. After makan, went back to millions with steven, chua and rebecca. Rebe is our IT dept manager.. 1st time official drink with her. Jasmin also there, the person who is really in-charged of all our stocks for courts IT dept.. Gary from Harvey also there. Desmond from Acer confirm there.. And many that i do not know..

There's this pink lady with black tube sitting next to Jasmin said that i look familiar. I think she's drunk.. Went over to say hi and i try to avoid that table.. Anyway, we got 3 sofa seats.. In the end, i was being dragged to that table to play game, i mean to get drunk.. Whenever losing a dice game and have to drink, Jasmin and her is like so excited machiam siao char bo.. Then that lady called me another name and ask me to drink.. They are drunk liao... Anyway, there's a case of someone's handbag lost and no one knows where she left it.. Even the police came...

There's this white blouse lady, quite big but she's quite old.. She kept revealling her 'valley'.. =.= Then when Desmond is dead drunk lying on the sofa and i was sitting beside him. The lady came over to talk to Desmond and she rest on my leg to talk to Desmond.. =.= I mean, u dun have to use ur that one to rub my pants. Will cannot tahan one lor.. ZZZZZZZZZZ.. Anyway, i dun even rmb her name and i dun even know who she is at the end of the day.. Btw, she's 42 i think. And her kid is 6.. =.= She was there with her bf and she was total goner liao yest..

Anyway, i need to go work liao.. Juz finished my report.. haha.. Wah lao seems like gonna rain again.. I think i really need a car.. Lolx.

Back..

Juz came back from a fast one at nana then go coffeeshop and let them enjoy the western food near my place at S11.. Actually that place i only tried the chicken chop and pork chop both also very nice.. But today they ordered sirlion and cutlet. No idea how is it for them..

Tml richard's bday think gonna go boat quay and pia beer again.. At least that's better than pia 3 martell... =.= Anyway, fingers crossed. Heard from richard today that meijun got 'loot' by weihao before de. A bit sian on that. lolx.. Maybe i shld start getting more open-minded. lolx.. Anyway, now wat century liao.. Unlike before lah..

Heard abt Taiwan trip juz now and i can freely say i can go. Gana disturb also dunno.. lolx.. To be frank, i dun mind going to taiwan, i mean especially taiwan coz it's been a long time since i last yearn to go there.. So even though were to go alone i will still wanna go.. =D

I got discuss with my colleague with overseas trip.. Mentioned that if i were to go overseas, i will not be booking a hotel before going there.. So that no matter where i wanted to go, when it comes to late nite, juz find any place to lodge.. Rather than chiong go back to the hotel.. So troublesome.. Haha...

okok enuff talk of holidays.. Make me wanna run away liao.. Lolx.. When tok abt taiwan i'm so excited.. lolx.. Wei wei.. My mind is clean one hor.. =.=" Juz wanna go there shopping and walk walk and see see nia.. Haha.. Relax only... I really need to relax my body, my mind and my soul..

Slacker..

Slack at home whole day on my off day.. Mind in a blank not wanting to go anywhere nor wanting to meet anyone.. Coz i'm juz being lazy.. Nua leh.. Yes i'm quite nua.. But no one knows it's my off day lah so no dates lor..

Wanted to go see 2a bikes de.. Lazy leh. lolx.. Though i really like sportsbikes, i guess i will still go for cruiser.. Get sporty and dun chiong seems like a waste of money.. Then if chiong, will put life at stake.. Siao meh.. If it's car, i will really consider racing lor.. Dun let me get the Integra.. Roar!

Even though i'm attached i'm as good as unattached coz i'm not the kind who will go around telling ppl i'm attached.. But when asked, i will not hide the truth.. Most impt is not love but life.. Living to enjoy life not love coz love is part of life. Everything starts with 'me'. If without 'me', there's nothing else are impt. If 'me' dun wan anything, u give me everything also pointless.. Juz being random.. lolx..

I guess Matt is rather upset as well as disappointed but wat to do? That's life and that's reality.. Reality is cruel and it's the fact that doesn't change forever.. Even if his goal is the same as mine, there's no way i can let him happy.. Coz this is not something to be given even to friends.. Unless both parties are willing parties then of coz i will let go.. Juz like that incident few yrs back.. Even though both of us are willing parties but we are not meant to be that's why that guy able to marry her.. If it's not becoz of the circumstances, there's no way i will let him win me. It's total nonsense that he had won.. But anyway, that's history.

Reality is really cruel.. If not why when we are born, we have to cry.. I believe when i die, i will smile.. Juz like many of my love ones leaving one after another.. Yeah this is my life's inevitable events.. There's no turning back but to walk on.

Found Marilyn in my friendster!! =D But i too shy to hit on her leh.. ZzzZzzZzzZzz.. Sigh.. Looking forward to the next meeting bah.. Can only see see from faraway. Sad.. I mean i juz wan her as friend lah. What u all thinking?!?! $&#$%&$%^&*% Seems like she's attached.. Good.. No wonder i'm attracted.. Lolx..

Yest rain is really cold.. Very cold.. Plus those words ringing.. Does all good things eventually will comes to an end..?

NaNa~~

Juz back from nana juz opposite my house with a little drenched due to the heavy rain despite the shelter.. =.=" Tequila and Martell.. Omg.. How i hate the teq smell.. Reminds me of that time at chalet with a broken heart and total goner from massive teq pops.. And then puke like nobody business.. And the smell of after puking is totally yucky..

The day before was with richard and steven and desmond and chua at BQ.. Went Millions with a barrel then to whiskey bar with a martell and 13 jugs of beer.. =.=" All beer craze.. zzzzz.. It was desmond bday and he was almost a goner.. At the very end, instead of sending him to his grave, i was disturbing him by asking him to 'da' lime juice.. Half half of coz.. Then richard came in for revenge by holding a jug of beer and said half half to me.. I was like knn i'm trying to get him to be sober and someone else wants me drunk. In fit of anger i challenged him to a jug of pure coke and we ended up in a huge quarrel.. The two cute waitress even got scolded by me for being slow in getting the coke.. I was really outta control that i vent my anger.. But both ended up ok in the end and i still managed to ride home.. =.=" Sunday still got one massive de by richard coz it's his bday.. wtf.. die die die..

Been drinking so much this mth.. Haiz.. So bad for health.. Think i should do something more healthy.. Maybe i shld join cel in her california fitness.. lolx..

Anyway, class 2A coming soon in less than a mth.. Guess when i pass it, high chance that i will trade up my TZM for a Superfour spec 1.. No point for spec 3 if i really intend to get picanto.. Vios seems a bit too big and dun really feel comfortable with it if i'm driving it.. But hey my TZM wasn't small for a 2B bike.. =.=" Think will be taking both together when the time comes..

To let go or to hold on, it's a tough choice for both.. She knows that i dun easily find a gal even though i can be that shui bian and can kiss her on the dancefloor at dbl-o that time.. Even though we are juz friends.. In fact, simply dunno why i feel i can trust her for now though at times my mind still went wild.. I really dun like a partner with nite life.. 1 is enuff and the history repeats.. Damn.. Hope she can juz leave her aunt's shop and finds her own..

Still rmb that the 1st time the two of us are alone in a room and nothing goes wrong.. We did not 'zuo cuo shi'.. We got so conservative meh..? I mean, i can be shui bian but not fan jian lor.. Somemore that time we both have had sake(jap beer) in us.. Jiu hui luan xing, but it's all up to individual lor..

The future is cloudy and i will leave it to fate.. Coz i did promised her that i will never do her wrong. When it's time to let go, will let go. This is an agreement we had for both as a commitment.. I'm sure she's more afraid of me doing wrong then she herself do wrong.. Coz i'm a guy and i dun really lose out.. She dun squander on me either.. Compared to several FTs that i had seen, she's still among the best.. At least non materialistic. Though at times i still will anyhow think.. Afterall i'm a human lor.. Blood and flesh lor.. Got feelings de lor..

My fave is not MICs but this one is a special case.. Unlike those in clubs and pubs, so complicated and in fact realistic plus materialistic. At least that's wat i've seen.. So many dancers at nana today and many had the looks plus great bodies.. But i dun feel 'clean' with any of those.. Frankly, to choose them, i rather go home slp, alone. Be it thai, MICs or sg.. I mean those that i do not know at all..

Got to know another called Stacey from Martin at Boatquay.. It's a pub named Martin.. Not very nice looking plus no figure but she can sing close to my ears by tilting her head towards me.. Though not splendid but ok lah, i'm very shui bian de.. A little warm will open me up.. Any gals can easily get close to me.. But none seems to really understands me.. Maybe the sign of water is really hard to catch.. But i'm a pure Aquarius.. It's juz me, myself and i..

Hiya

Lolx i think i really becoming a Nemo.. =.=" Adam 1st time call me that when i entered courts then now become everyone also call me that lol.... Nemo is a protected fish, for ppl to view not meant for eating... What it does is swim here swim there... Lolx..... Lame...

Think this mth will hit target i guess.. It's all about luck.. If this outlet really good then why Dave left? If this outlet no good then why Steven stays so long? Haiz.. Furthermore, the more the earnings, the more outgoing also..

That day when coming down from food court, a fat promotor suddenly say hi to me, scareded me a while.. I mean i'm here for almost 3mths liao then wats with the sudden? Then the samsung and epson also getting more friendly.. =.=" This is bad.. This doesn't really mean anything lah, juz that i dun need such things.. I only want sales or rather only her have more time with me.. The rest not really impt..

In fact coming to finding a partner, i'm really very anything de.. Haha.. But maybe too anything also no good lah.. Coz everytime when not intending to find another, more roads open up.. When really finding one keenly, none open up.. I'm always more attracted to same size as me de gals.. But dunno why always got attached to bigger size than me de.. Lolx.. Not really a bad thing bah.. Like means like, there's no why.. Though always easily shaken, also easily satisfied if u know how to go about it lah..

Actually i'm really feeling sad.. Juz quite empty.. Hollowness.. That's why when someone put in something, it can feel quite something.. Something warming.. But i'm yet to commit something wrong.. Haiz..

Jinlun came back from Sweden liao.. Last week went makan with the guys then mentioned on going on prawning.. Heard many times on prawning but never went once.. Haha.. So near my workplace and so near YX's home.. Maybe one fine day will go with the guys bah.. lolx..

Shag...

Finally met up liao but that din mark my day. Things din go as expected.. So near yet so far.. Things are planned swee swee but always din go the way.. Maybe, it really takes two hands to clap.. Too much of myself i guess..

When they are talking outside, i yearn to learn wat's the topic.. Instead of going out to hear, i simply drink drank drunk and act bochap.. Juz carry on drinking my martell and beer, pretending i din see anything and appeared i din see anything.. Purposely down so many glasses of mixture till so high.. Did i not trust him and her? Or i really did trust him and her? To be frank, everyone seems like strangers to me.. I felt so alone that i put my walls up high.. Defending, trying to hold back everything and stuff myself in a bottle.. Celly always said dun do that coz one day i might juz broke down and malfunction.. Well, maybe that's me myself and i...

I juz felt helpless and something words do get stucked in the throat.. Communication is the key but i do not have the key..

Dawn told me to stay strong and have faith.. Juz like how she did and is doing.. Never to give up so easily despite the hollowness, emptiness and faithless.. Walls are still being built though but not let go.. Some says holding on is strong, maybe it's juz letting go. Bullshit, she says.. Contradicting leh..

To focus on work, so many stress and politics... So tiring..
To focus on home, so many problems.. So tiring..
To focus on friends, so many fakes.. So tiring..
To focus on love, so many questions and doubts.. So tiring..

I no longer knowing what to do or what i should do.. Feeling like backpacking and go taiwan alone.. At least there is safe lah, not that i dun wanna go elsewhere.. Simply running away for awhile where no one knows me, no one finds me, no one contacts me..

I cut my hair till super short again.. It's always when something happens then i would do that.. But anyway, short is better lah.. Coz at least after using my helmet, hair not so messy.. Maybe i shld maintain it this way..

Yesterday was a flop day.. Went to Millions and open a bottle worth $188 while waiting for Jason, Brandon, Jo, Jess, Alicia, Richard, Desmond and Steven. Alicia came 1st then Brandon and Jo. When Desmond came, ordered a barrel for them.. Smoking with Alicia and brandon outside then jess came. After that Jason came and awhile later Richard came.. Steven came last and he din recognised me when i'm smoking outside.. haha.. After the gathering and massive drinking and mix here and there plus a little lousy pool, i see Alicia to the cab then took a stroll to Nana and meet up with the rest. Kelvin Toh is there waiting for us.. Thai disco is not a place for me afterall... Though music is ok lah.. The place is so familiar to me that brings back memories.. Yeah, Devil's Bar memories.. Not memories of Alicia though but the bunch of gals.. Not only the bunch but also with Erica and Celly and one more gal but i forgot the name..

The future is not important to me anymore and i dun wanna care anymore as well.. Live and let live. Can only take a step and see a step..

We had always tried to match the two up and that guy always mess things up.. Too many points to minus liao.. When he sees a rival, immediately withdraw bit by bit.. I did told him that luckily i'm not his rival, if not i will be an even stronger rival.. Having said that, his friend really thought that i wanna snatch the gal away from them.. Coz she saw me being quite close to that gal at Chamber 82.. I told him off that day. He can talk so freely to his lady friend and yet he is wordless to that gal.. 1st time nia mah, also no need to be so gan jiong.. Juz be urself lor, get it or not juz leave it to fate.. Even if doesn't get, it doesn't mean the end of the world.. Juz like my current rs, if it's gonna fail, the globe still spins and doesn't wait for me..

Today is another sunless day.. Cloudy, windy, rainy.. Suit my mood.. Gonna be lazy today..

Dunk Drank Drink

Today seems to have a bit too much from access room.. I was about to type sassy bar.. =.= Seems totally gone.. Anyway, sudden got to urge for some noisy music.. Think i had a bit too much on ktv pubs.. Time to go back to dbl-o..

The feeling of loud beat with the martell kicking in.. Shiok... Maybe with some other drunk gals to see.. Haha... Anyway, talking abt that.. There was a new promotor on my side at the bdd counter.. I mean digital counter.. Indeed quite cute.. On sat when i walk past there, immediate captivated by her smile when i saw her smile.. At me maybe lolx.. Ok she's juz being friendly.. Oh i thot i smiled at her first? o.O But then, i still did not have a chance to talk to her.. Or maybe i juz dun dare anymore.. Was it the ring that is holding me back or watever heck.. But who cares.. Samsung suddenly started to ask names.. Though today was the first day i spoke to her for the first time.. But well, too young for me.. I dun need another 'ex-bitch'.. I mean someone like her in terms of age not figure coz this tiny whiny got neither looks nor figure.. Jessie much better than her.

Sales came rolling in pretty good and smoothly but target still seems unreachable.. Too little stocks or no confidence in closing? Been stressing in clearing old stocks to be frank.. Haiz.. Spent too much time in packing.. ZZZZZZZZZ..

In fact there's quite a num of choices out there.. But i can't seems to trust any.. Was it a darkness that haven't goes away? Or was it that fate is not up yet? But no matter what, she is someone that i can safely trust, despite the emptiness that i felt and having.. Even though several weeks or even mths that i had last seen her, i feel that i can still trust her.. How come the feeling is so mutual..? Thought it shld be getting thinner and thinner then goes to naught? Frankly, i'm tired.. No strength and time to really do wat i wanted to do.. Even though i got the money and time, i juz dun feel so.. I even rejected a niteclub session that bound to be fun.. Damn wat's got into me..?

Think i'm really settling down my heart liao.. Wildful no more and playful no more.. Maybe it's better this way.. Seeing her with no more complains seems good.. Maybe it's hidden well behind her high walls.. Anyway, i would not know any of these.. Coz i'm juz a small fly.. Not the 'left-hand, right-hand' like before.. Ya, time flies and paper grows thinner.. I'm not even a paper..

Came across cel's webby lately and found that she's back into singlehood.. But nothing has changed coz she is still she and i'm still me, myself and i. Time is not the same as before liao.. Haha.. I'm also no longer the wx that most know.. Coz i'm Rick now.. But still why so many ppl call me Ricky...? #$%#$@#$!@# Hahaha..

Shag liao.. Time to sleep.. Still got to do report later in the morning.. =.= Nite. Sweet dreams. Dun let the mosquitoes bite, juz let me bite. Wahahahahaha~~ Duh.

Cloudy? Sunny? Stormy? Windy?

We dun have 4 seasons.. Sad... Ok juz being random.. lolx..

Was asked how come i did not change gf.. That question did not flash my mind.. No matter the weather, juz let it be.. Anyway, it's juz like as if i do not have one and i dun have to commit my time to anyone.. No need to go shopping, no need to go movies, no need to go find excitment. Shopping? Huiying volunteer accompany me go since my gf dun have the time for me. Movies? Waste money leh.. Later i sleep in the cinema how..? Anyway, no rushing to catch show lor.. I got SCV aka cable tv. Very soon the show will be in my tv, juz matter of time.. Excitment? I got my sales challenges.. Brain cells burning for the sake of that..

Everyone is saying reccession but who cares? My job is to get ppl to take out money and buy the computer for their essential needs. I'm not a finanicial planner nor banker. Helping ppl save money is not in my dictionary. I only want ppl to fork out their money to buy the things they need. Frankly i'm not being evil. If in the 1st time dun even come into my shop to see computers, why would i want to push sales? If got heart to see means got heart to buy. Can kill wrong cannot let go. Fail to secure a deal means a big thing. I'm no longer in NEC so the criteria is different. Too high basic pay plus no target with no motivation. Now is different. Too low basic pay plus too high target with super a lot pressure from all staffs thus i had to set my high standard. For company good, for own good. Money is not everything but everything is money.

Took train for two days, found that it is so relaxing and saved so much per mth if gonna calculate.. Wat i'm losing out is sleep but sleep is really not very impt.. Juz becoz of sleeping a little longer can caused me losing several thousands of sales.. Might consider selling off my bike since it's more dangerous and have to pay more for transport every mth.. Uncle still ask me to go take car.. He juz wan a ride home coz he staying redhill... But then hor, his pay is abt 4 to 5 times of my pay and he never even wanted a car.. I'm already trying to learn like him and he's luring me to temptations.. Haha..

Uncle dun wear gold chain nor gold rings nor gold watch.. That is when he is working.. That day at D & D, his rolex worth more than $30k... His golden spectacles cost at least $500 i think.. His gold chain doesn't look cheap either.. But at work, he look like a typical uncle who earning $1500 per mth.. But who can believe he can hit 10 times more?

Thinking of that, my leather shoes really need to change liao... But i dun feel a need for it even though it is torn.. The diamond in my ring is a fake but i dun feel a need for luxury.. My bag is so worn out and old.. But still can use ah, why the heck do i need a LV? My pen keep on losing one after another, but why the heck do i need a Mont Blanc? All these are juz materials that will fade. Why so stupid waste money? I dun understand.. I can buy a brand new shirt juz specially for Brandon's wedding and wear it for only once. But i dun really need anymore clothings coz i dun even have much chances to wear them..

Anyway, when doing sales if u look rich and smart, that doesn't mean ppl will definitely buy ur product.. It's the service that u gonna provide and the neccessary info that customer needs when he intends to buy. Simple, juz tell him this this and this. He might juz buy it since everything mentioned fit what he needs. Whatever. Juz like when u serve him/her several times and no responds then simple let go coz another fish might be on ur way. Waste no time coz time is too short.. I always got not enuff time to hit my personal target.. Quite a few times short of a few sets.. I swore to surpass my payout and beat it every mth. At least i try and if i fail, i did not let myself down.. If it's not gonna kill u for trying so hard, it will make u stronger. Think the tension in the arena is great but Acer is still doing well. Gotta try harder.. I cannot be 2nd in place ah... Coz pay is 4 times lesser is miserable.. At least 2 times less i can still take it.. Wtf with the payout for a mid-rank staff but among the highest payout. 2yrs younger than me and his cpf is maxed out and no need to contribute cpf coz too much money liao exceed limit liao for his age.. wtf wtf wtf..

Motivation..

Lately been like crazy.. Trying to aim $20k sales per day. lolx... But i'm really serious abt that.. Coz my pay is way too pathetic and not up to my requirements. I think i'm really hungry.. Compare to those staffs i'm really earning peanuts.. Working here is an entirely total diff enmity and everyone forever seems so hungry.. When the sales going good i wanna strive for the best.. Anyway, juz like wat Acer says, all the way till the EOY is gonna be my branding.. Since everything is to my benefit as well as staffs benefit, why not juz close deals to the max? Since everyone is so hungry, why not? When mixing around with 5-digit ppl, gonna always feel hungry.. Enough is never enough.

Took MRT to work and back.. The journey is so slow-paced while the ppl around me are like rushing for time.. However, when my engine started at work everything is so fast-paced and i feel energetic and made me almost wanted to close everyone i see, no matter PK or MSN or NAP. $20k per day during high tide can be achieved with the right mindset. 6days more to go till new spif. Gonna close deal like every customer is so rich, machiam comfirm deal for every customer served. No time to waste much. Want to buy juz come sit down and open invoice. 5-10min close deal shld not be too hard i believe, from wat i had seen.

Where's my cheese?

Pay got delayed. Sian 1/2.. Courts D & D on Wed nite.. Was being jio to go drink and maybe go TNN a bit.. Reluctantly agreed coz thinking wanting to ration a bit this mth.. Need to pull connections.. Bo bian leh.. Lolx.. PR..

Wasn't much into beer but still those are beer-drinkers... Haiz.. Try my best lor.. Juz now drank a bit with them at coffeeshop.. Then rode home. Still sober lah so quite ok.. Anyway, weekdays are fine..

Told her pay did not come in then totally no respond. Ok lor, u do wat u like. MYOB then. Pissed.

Time to sleep. Maybe later sentosa. Haha..

Ration-ing..

Sian this mth gotta ration again.. How long does the ration-ing gonna end.. Maybe i shld set it to long term.. Spending habits getting outta hand.. All earnings will be going to nowhere..

I spur out my plannings.. Sh1t. Shld not have done that.. But no point crying over spilled beans.. Anyway, those are facts that i stated.. Since i'm useless, i'm not needed at all so as well i leave.. Anyway, i mean no harm nor threat.. Neither like nor dun like.. People comes and goes in all walks of life. This is nature and nature is everchanging. It's not like taking pictures and moments last forever.. For, nothing is forever.. Even though i'm dead, i will not be forever etched in everyone.. That's the cruel reality.

Sales pretty bad this week.. The 1st week and 5th week of this mth are critical.. Need to do 60k per week. This wk only 39k... However, the 5th week got no weekends.. Very xiong.. Maybe cannot hit target again.. lolx.. But i cannot let that happened.. Gotta buck up.. While the spif still going on gonna pia all the way and hit over if not will die cock stand again.. Somemore roadshow again this mth.. My roadshow performance pretty sucky.. damn it.. It's almost an impossible target.. Like that i do so much also gana deduct 20% pay. Sian.. Still better than previous though..

The aftermath

Not really an aftermath. Nothing much really. I think i was given too much space. Lolx.. Dunno am i fortunate or unfortunate.. Starting to see no clear sky, no future.

In fact getting mutual is common and normal.. I juz dun understand why muz there be a 'honeymoon period' of 6wks-6mths.. Thought shld be ever-lasting? It's about a lifetime not a period of time..

Izzit because i'm fan qian and i sought for too much? I've been thinking that she seems so bo chap.. Nan de off day can happily arrange go malaysia. Ok lor.. Anyway, did told her that will be going to drink on that day. She wan to come or not is her problem liao.. Once time's up i will wan to go to another place after the drinking i guess. I need some fresh air from the sea breeze.. Or maybe going to somewhere where only guys go.. See my mood i think... Maybe i shld jio Erica, Huiwen and Kimli as well.. I seriously dun like the feeling of emptiness..

Yesterday was Brandon's wedding dinner, not going so well from what i see though everything finish off smoothly.. Reasons being said that are, not well planned enough, not coordinating enough, no good management of the entire thing.. Luckily i act as a backup drinker coz everyone dun really knows me and i will stand in when everyone cannot already.. That kelvin still wanna jio to drink somemore but when i stand in he back out liao.. Wtf.. Full bottle of Martell waiting leh.. Actually i dun intend to force him but he's way too much in asking ppl to drink yet onself dun drink lor.. ZzZzZzZzZzZz.. But anyway, all's well.. Nick really wishes to stay in Vivo that's y he go all out to drink till he himself cannot make it.. Well, when wanna do something for someone, it's better to let him see it himself.. But ok lah, at least there are ppl to help inform the recipent..

Found out that my pay was pretty pathetic for last mth.. But still, it's better than it was in NEC.. Juz that i'm asking for too much.. Anyway, gotta aim for at least 5sets per day worth 2k ea.. Target is so high but it can be achieved.. Since now my brand is the only ones with super high spif, gotta make it fly over the weekly target before everything turns on me.. With spif, auto-run is being enabled so i had to be double up my performance on my individual sales so that i can achieve double sales daily so as to cover back for the end mth downfall.. With the promo on, selling 2k notebooks aren't a big issue but still gotta pick up some small fishes..

Toking abt fishes.. I'm trying to learn from those ppl in there.. Earning 8k monthly as an average but he only drinks plain tap water and $4 meal a day.. He dun go for golden watch nor latest mobile, less the branded clothings.. I mean, even with 8k salary person he can be so 'cat' that eats big fishes, he can be so thrifty.. He can do an instant payment for another colleague for a 54" Plasma.. I was like, OH MY GOD. That was more than 3 times of my salary, 10k. Maybe his bank account over shot till 6-digit liao... Cash money.. So wat everyone sees him as a poor farker with torn shirts and normal watch and no-brand shoe. Btw, he took mrt. Not he cannot afford but it's a waste of money to him..

Single or attached, no different. Most probably, i shld make myself known as single status from now on. Coz this way will open up more rooms, more choices. The choice being made may not the best choice but when more choices to be seen, the choice might be the best or other choices are even better.. So long never do anything wrong, my conscience is clear.

Back from a drunken day

Was being asked abt her lately.. Nothing much.. We are back as sweet as before. Recalled a few incidents from our days of work.. Maybe i had started to release a little.. Release doesn't mean give up, dun worry sweetie. I had ur words in mind since that day. I know u are working hard, so am i.. Let's work harder together. =)

Sales flopped this mth. Scary.. Imagine payout less than half of previous. Therefore, the thrifty goes on.. Haiz.. Wat to do.. Nothing in this world is perfect.. Perhaps it's time to manage myself before managing finance.. Earning 10k doesn't mean have to spend like machiam every mth earn 10k.. Management is hard..and tedious.. But no choice, for the future, i have to..

Met Jasmine and her husband Han lately when they came CP.. Han is in banking business thus i had learnt a little from him and had a little change in my future plans.. Afterall, career isn't too late to start even time goes by in 10yrs time.. Coz, there's no age in business. How old can a boss be? Well, mainly they are old.. Crap. Venturing out is an option not a risk. If everyone is afraid of risks, there will not be successful ppl less the unsuccessful ppl.. Wrong? Michael Jordan is famous for his basketball considered 1st, but who is second? And wat abt those who don't even get the fame? Fail means fail. There's no shame.

Even though i can play the game but i'm really sorry coz i'm attached and unavailable.. I may be cheeky and TK at times but well those are juz basic human instincts, perhaps man instincts.. Lolx.. Playing around with words mean no harm. But not fooling around until things go outta hand.. Tat's crazy. I dun said this to please anyone coz i blog to myself not to any readers.

Someone still does ask abt me on msn lately. I'm glad, at least she doesn't complain anymore like before.. Though both of us of different situation as before, one fact doesn't change, we are still friends.. That, i'm glad.. To rely on others to pick up ownself is useless. Maybe that's y i'm so attracted to those who got backbones who seldom rely on others.. Well, i mean seldom. Coz if u never share anything with me, there's no room for improvements, even as a friend.. I believe dawn still fits the criteria to be part of soul and body. Anytime even midnight if she calls and is crying, i'll be there in half an hr or less. Quite far lah, muz understand.. But i'm not juz anyone or rather any rider to any place anytime. Coz dawn is part of my life. Maybe she herself never expect that from me..

Well,
good friends never seen u cry. Best friends will be there when u cry.
good friends dare not disturb u when u are busy. Best friends simply pull u out for food.

If u ever did something and i object or pushover, mainly u are out of the category.. But afterall, still friends.. Best friends are not to be made use of but rather feel as part of life that they exist as VIP.. But sometimes, sad cases. U may treat me like one but i think otherwise. Pardon me but i'm not god. Coz i choose my own besties, not juz anyone. I'm shui bian but still not fan jian. That still stand firm ground..

Brandon's wed coming soon and i had to help out on that day.. Will be a real long day and maybe at nite i might have to juz sleep in the hotel.. Friday still gotta work.. But no issue, coz it's really an honor. For him only, i will forgo my sales for that day and the next. Not really a superb chap but ok lah really nice chap. Maybe his exposure not as much as Jason and i, thus a little of different category..

Surprised? Someone dun think so if she reads my mind..

Been really a long time from the last post. Actually had a lot up in my mind ever since then but juz lazy or rather dun feel like posting.. Happy moments, sad moments. I have it all. Being attached as some knew. Been to funerals, only a few knew. In fact, a lot happened.. To be frank, i juz dun wanna post those sad moments as it will all affect others who's reading a little..


Last post i'm still in Singapore Technology being a robot there. Working 12hrs/day, 7days/week, 28days/mth. Life's hell and mono. Lifeless though i'm able to earn more than double of my last pay.. All's not well, coz been clearing debts and getting my transport as well.. Yup, my yellow baby TZM.. When i left my company, debts cleared till 4/5 or rather 80%. I took up as sales retailing at Vivo as NEC promotor. Life's seems good as every colleagues there are friendly and most impt i had friends working there. But the pay-cut is extreme to me.. However, still bearable except for the more frequent of alcoholic... Then i gave up and entered my current at Causeway Point. Yes extremely far but i got my baby so everything's fine.. But the transition is tough.. Coz pay will be delayed for a mth. Crap. Almost back to square one but luckily i still only have to tahan for another 3 weeks and the storm will be over real soon.. Coz my pay gonna be double as compared to previous.. But to the shock of my life, i thot i earned a lot but one of my colleague there is earning 4 times of my August payout.. Gosh. I was really stunned that there are still ppl earning 5-digit salary as retail sales. He is not a manager and not even a supervisor but he is earning more than 2 times of my supervisor of vivo.. Crazy figures.. Goldmine indeed. Period.

Was attached to a MIC of ST. Former colleague. Older than me, bigger size than me, slightly taller than me. But overall, she's great. She really took good care of me on my down times.. It's really been hard on her.. Really the shy type that when i tried to kiss her and she will shy away.. Haha.. Been together at the beach before with a tent from night till daybreak.. Some says romantic. Erm.. Maybe..? I told her that i will bring her on a cable car but the day had yet to come.. She was so excited on that. She knew i dun like Veg and there's once that i was tricked into eating at Fei Chui Restaurant at Vivo.. Crap but sweet. Silly gal.. I had told many that this gal was great. Among all previous, she may not be the best but she's among the top. Even if were to settle down with her, i wouldn't mind. Even my best friend gave the thumbs-up signal. Now awaiting the other best friend for the signal. He's gone to sweden for a long time already.. Coming back real soon. I mentioned i was quite sharp on my instinct but sometimes that may be oversensitive. Whichever the case, i must admit that i do feel this way becoz there's love. If not, would i react this way? lolx..

Anyways,

1st time - Off day went to 'sister' place to do some collection as well as majong. Did called around late afternoon and chat for a while.. Call her around late evening and there's no answer. Nevermind.. Finished work, zoom home with my baby and call, hp off. That was around 11pm. Called every hour till 3am, to vain. Maybe hp low batt and reach home forgot to take out to charge. Call the next day 3pm, hp off. Call 4pm, hp off. Call 5pm, hp off. Close to 6pm she called back. Said was recalled by someone(not to mention unless u ask me personally) for late dinner with his mum so had to off hp..

2nd time -Off day said wanna go out but nothing discussed over the fone so i went to work rather than spending the time at home doing nothing. Called me at work and had a little fight despite telling her that i can leave anytime. Said will call me back but called after 5hrs. Too late for anything. Said was watching show over the net and forgot the time. Told her can meet for dinner or movie but said dun feel like coming out already. Set.

3rd time -Off day said wanna go for haircut with colleague but din mentioned wat time. Was supposed to meet up together with my best friend and go to Jurong to pick up a tv from my aunt. Called her around 4pm and she's already out on her way for haircut and urgently hang-up. Reached Jurong around 7pm but raining so stop-over for a cup of tea. Called her but no answer. Got the tv back home and sent my friend to his bike. Called again and no answer. Back home bathed and eaten dinner. Before bed at 11pm called again and no answer. Thinking of it, i dun even know where she's going for her haircut. Furious. Sleep.

4th time -Off day said wanna go ktv with Pauline and another pretty gal but i forgot name. Last min i call her and informed her that i had to report for work due to roadshow, unable to take off days for 2 weeks.. Called her 5pm no answer. half an hr later called back with her sleepy voice and said juz woke up. Said will be preparing coz later going hair-treatment. Called back around 8pm and said on her way down for the treatment and haircut. Chatted for around 30min before she reach. Told her to call back when she reach home, said that she dun wanna disturb my sleep. This means she will be going home late? No? Zoom home bathed and ate my dinner, called her at 11.30pm and no answer. Called back within 3min and said she's at home already and someone(not to mention unless u ask me personally) is next door and she's not to speak freely. Environment is quiet and she can't sleep without music.. When at home all she does is stick to the computer but her QQ(something like messenger) is not on. Period.

She's having an off day on 1 fortnight. That means i had not seen her for almost two months. Actually i'm not scared of anything neither losing. I can still flirt with my Diners meimei and disturb other gals working at my workplace. But i still did not do anything wrong to her till date. I can still go hug gals at some places with those guys. I can still go drinking without informing her.. I can still tok to other gals on the fone. But i still haven't do anything wrong..

Do i have to go to that extend? Money is coming in soon and when there's money, anything can happen. I'm still being the guai guai type coz i haven't lay my hands on the fortune that's rolling in.. $3.3k payout on my coming pay. And with her that tight work schedule, i can easily 2-times or 3-times or 4-times her without her knowing. Do i really wanna see that happen?

For now i really dunno and will see how things go. It's either gone wild or settle down. My heart yearns for the 1st path now. Tragic.

I'm still the ever-wanting-attention guy yet easily-satisfied-with-a-little-attention guy.. Maybe she really doesn’t knows me well enuff.. Trial of 6mths will be enuff to see everything? Nah. I gave it 2yrs. Too many marriages and divorces I’ve seen. One after another and one after another. Told someone that there’s no more love in this world. Well, I mean it. So, dun fall to prey coz I will still bare my teeth.

Someone said I was her left hand but I felt more like a hair.. Haha.. Maybe becoz of some things made her change her mindset but I’m no longer angry. No need to feel paiseh leh, anyhow u know how to feel paiseh one meh? Hehe.. U are once my life buoy, so am I to u if u ever needed one. But issit possible for u to be again my life buoy? Question mark. Even so, I’m still ur life buoy. Smile even if u dun feel like to. Becoz u have to. Everyone else too including me.. Parts of body are meant to support one another, not to forget to use to support one another, unless it’s not to be one in the 1st place if u know wat I mean. Ciao. Take care, sweetie.

The mask.

All seems sound and well but it's not. All seems fine.. Storm before clear sky, clear sky after storm. Nature, repeating its process naturally.. Never-ending sh!ts.

The mask is always an inevitable ingredient for life. The smiles the laughs, they are all so fake. Forgotten what is real and what is fake..

Late entries...

18th December 2007

Finally got a chance to blog.. Lolx.. Coz i'm here in Ubi Ave 3 waiting for the shop to open.. Haiz.. Till now still haven't slp a wink yet.. However not really have the feel of tiredness though.. Whole nite been getting fedup and frustrated.. Haiz.. Sian. Need to go complain that HDB. Ccb made my baby suffered until like that.. Damn heart pain sia... Cb them.. Still wanna pay them money? Ask them go slp with snakes lah. Pui.

Back on 3rd shift and really no time to blog even though I had a PDA fone.. =.= I miss those days.. But I dun mind this lifestyle.. Hehe.. Everytime reach home wanna slp liao.. Wakey need go work liao.. Sat are burnt and worked till sun morning.. Only sun evening am available.. But been meeting yuxiang go out lah on these two free days.. Need to lift my burden ASAP.. Then my monitor spoilt.. Zzzzzz.. Luckily still got the laptop though I already ordered a 20" LCD TV which will only arrived on friday..

ST had offered me a company contract of 2yrs with the benefits of a permanent staff as a company staff.. However, the pay they gonna offer me is much lesser than what i'm getting now.. More CPF contributions though.. And with 3 bonuses per annual.. 3 bonuses is pretty normal lah, afterall it's considered government sector job.. My main concern is not my ability but the job responsibilities gonna increase tremendously and the politics that I am seeing aren't getting any lesser... Haiz.. I guess it's a matter of time lah..

Shld I carry on with my dream and reject the offers but still stays as a contractor till I lifted my burdens? Or shld I accept the offer and excel in it and shoot with all my might? Both had prospects and both had their risks... There's only one path... There's nothing such as "best of both worlds".. That's meant for kids.

In current state, some diploma-holders are merely slightly more than half of my salary.. Even some degree-holders aren't getting that much..

4th January 2008

This morning got home from work and went straight to bed.. Wakey at 1pm juz to go BBDC and I lost my way.. Lolx.. Luckily I wasn't late for my final theory test.. Damn. The questions are so tricky... In the end, I passed.. =.= without studying.. Lolx.. Sian.. =P

Actually I dun get mad for a long period.. But oh well, since nothing happen, then nothing happen lor.. Haha.. Got a feeling it's over and everything's back to square one.. Hmmm..

Anyway seriously no life that i'm living.. Maybe some might be able to put some colours to it.. Those kids.. Cute though.. =P

27th January 2008

Wat a day. Been having hang-over from the beer yest nite.. Head heavy plus weird feelings inside this body of mine.. =.= Anyway, meet huifang, xinlei and sally at Cineleisure for dinner. Their treat plus a lighter for my bday present.. Haha.. However, I dun seems to be in the mood for celebrations... Coz last yr this day, I had my 'best' birthday present early in the morning. I'm still dwelling in the past, I guess..

Met up with Dawn after meeting the 3 gals. We went for pool with one of her friend. Forgot the name though.. Nothing much and interesting lately.. Anyway, heard that Kel’s bday coming soon. Most prob will be going for a while bah that day.. Gotta see how coz will be at granny’s place..

Life is still as boring.. =.= Needed a life but doesn’t seems to be needing it. Kinda dunno wat’s my aim for life already.. Been clearing bad debts till I’m all numb.. This yr confirm clearing it once and for all and for good. Bygone all good and bad memories..

Rather random on my thoughts. Nothing much really..