Changes..

Before work, i'm already being emotionally daunted and managed to shut myself up from the world other than the people of my online friends.. Suddenly felt so sick of world, felt so digusted of the world. Dun even really bothered to really have the heart to update my blog.. =.=" I'm not being like this becoz of anyone, so pls do not think so highly of yourself nor be reproaching of yourself. I'm doing it becoz of myself. Yes, things being done always had reasons behind them and those reasons are for me to keep, for no one to know. Anyone that know me well will know that there's no point probing me and pestering me to tell my heart. =)

Started the 1st day of work.. Kinda new to the environment but not new to few people like Jackin, Jimmy, Leon & Jason. The former ATF.. Lolx.. The time passes so quickly indeed as we are all too busy.. However, there are still fun..

Thx darling, ur msg really never failed to make my day after a long and tiring day.. *muack* ^^ By using ur own instincts and u made me admire u more.. I always like ppl with initiatives.. =)

2nd day of work is pretty entertaining. Retail never fails to make me enjoy myself, by suan-ing customers... =X And seeing Jason disturbing his colleague makes me laugh more heartily.. Haha.. It's been quite some times since i last able to laugh with my heart.. Bringing back memories of those days from HWH to ATF.. Fun, laughter and joy. =) I really missed those days.. Time flies and there's no way back.. Enjoy and treasure what you have had now, dun regret only after things are over.. Things aren't being there to be taken for granted for.. Don't start to cry over spilled milk. Once milk is being spilled, how are u gonna undo it? =)

PC show upcoming in 2days. I guess those 4 days will gonna be tough. No time to tok, no time to eat, no time to drink, no time to smoke, no time to pee, no time for anything! It will be very very busy coz this company is famous for their longest queues in exhibitions. =.=" Dun try to come and find me coz the most i will 'hi' and then 'bye'. Sms and calls i dun think i would even pick up anytime from 11am-10pm. =.="

I had juz rejected my previous boss offer to go back to sls. Well, when i want it, u dun want it; when i dun want it, u want it. This is not fun. I'm not an easy catch if u think me as one. I'm sorry, goodbye.

Had my future plans already in my mind. Most probably ppl will see me as disappearing act.. Well, i had foresee these.. When u called me or sms me, most probably i'm still in bed due to shag-ness after work.. If not, i'll be working and i can't use the phone for long due to bz at work.. Date me but most probably i will not be free be it morning, afternoon, evening or night. Make it on a sunday, if u are lucky maybe u might juz get it. But last min asking will turn me to my game. I will commit even more for my game since i'm unable to play much due to work, becoz going out will meant 'spending money' while playing game will juz take my soul outta me.. Friends? They are juz passerbys, unless u made me feel u are really worth my time. =) Time is scarce and precious. Don't waste mine. Only a handful will be treated as not wastage. Add on to it or be taken outta it, u decide it. Afterall i'm Weixing and i'm not an essential chess piece to anyone. Ask yourself, if i'm dead one day, does it really matters to you? Does it really changed your life entirely? Yes, u may be damn sad but how sad can u be? 60sec, 60min, 24hrs, 30days, 12mths? Regardless whichever or whatever, it will not be 24/7 - 24hrs a day, 7days a week. Life's still goes on, the world still spins. Unlike my parents and sister and maybe my dog too. I'm part of them. Flesh. What are you to me? I decide, not you to decide for me. This is my life, mind you. I hold no grudges but i will remember grudges till the day i died. To forgive and forget, fathope. To forgive, yes. To forget, no. I still need my cool. =) Chill, GE is the only thing to chill me down by laughing at all the craps that i made to my members.. =P yes my faction is hilarious. =D

ill..?

Seems like a zombie lately and now think i felt fever and cough coming for me.. Can feel it already.. It's already almost 2 mths and seems like it never fails to haunt and pierce and stab.. Argh.. And someone is being irritating by calling me so late like 4am-5am juz to complain abt her stuffs. When i'm attached then she guai guai stay away, now seems like a pest to me.. Oops! =X Well, it's not as if we got a lot of things to tok abt.. And most of the time she kept repeating the usual questions. Yes i'm bored of her. =.=" She's like a nuisance now.. Haiz. I hate it when ppl ask for advice for the sake of asking and without heeding. Since u dun know how to appreciate then go away. To me, normal friends are juz passerby, more one or less one or a few, makes no diff to me in my life coz my life still goes on..

The feverish feeling is no good.. Darn.. Juz ate a kaya bread and felt like puking liao.. Went shit but seems not much coming out.. However, i can feel i got a lot inside to be remove leh.. =.=

Granado Espada

Shiok! Juz saw a Utube vid on Catherine the Summoner!! OMG!! She simply transform mobs into her puppets and their attack are powerful!! >.< When getting her at lvl 65, can choose 4 forms. Str - Fighter, Dex - Gunner, Int - Wizard/Elementalist & lastly Summoner! I had said, i'm using a fighter, wizard & elementalist.. If i get Cat as a INT then she can perform both wiz & ele stances then replace either one of my caster, if i get her as STR then she can replace my fighter/tanker. But i think i wanted her as a summoner.. Dunno if she's that good and also dunno to replace which of my caster.. I lost my footage on strategy.. =.= Btw, she is not a human but a man-made human aka Humanoid/Android/Marionette.

Then there's another recruitable NPC called Adelina Esparanza the fighter with great agility who can wield sabre/dual-sabre/pistol or the 1st that i love - Sabre in one hand + Pistol in the other.. How cool!!! >.< She will definitely replace my fighter.. =P She's only available at lvl36..

Got another rNPC called Gracielo the martial arts expert using Bare Knuckles and he's powerful!! >.< He's available at lvl 24 but till now lvl 26 i still can't beat him.. U need to beat him in order to recruit him.. T.T I heard at least need lvl 30, best at lvl32 or lvl33.. Still gotta wait a few more days.. Sigh..

I think Granado Espada(GE) is a singapore based game with foreign players as well..

I think many wun understand wat i mean.. Anyway, blog is a place for me to crap abt anything. =) Okie gotta go. Ciao.

Someone says she's unable to catch my thoughts.. Well, since when i ever let anyone catch hold of me..? Haha.. Well, i'm that unpredictable, i'm that weird, i'm that mysterious.. When u think u know me well, suddenly that seems to be far from reachable.. I'm not that complex afterall.. Dun tok to me abt love. It's disgusting. It will only turns me off. =.=" I know, it's not love that's disgusting but human. Can't help it though. =D I set my own rules in my own world. =)

Terenia called me already.. Still waiting for her good news. =.= Starting job on the 28th, seems to be looking forward to it. But still, i needed her, i wanted her, to help me find a job in her database.. Haha.. I already said, it's disgusting, so it's not possible i'm thinking abt that.. *whistle* =P

Suddenly dun feel like going clubbing nor pubbing nor drinking nor dancing.. Found a place which can more efficiently get to know more gals and can date more gals.. Somehow no interest.. But i saw many quite pretty de lor.. Kept wah-ing as i browse.. =.=" Anyway, ain't got any interest, so no matter how pretty also look like trash to me at the end of the day.. =X Anyway, i juz wanted to start work then finish my reservist then work and work and work.. Best is overseas work!!! =D

Granado Espada is damn chio!! The freaking graphic and background music, it's like OMG!! The battle system is easy, very complex. Rather complicated at 1st but when used to it then ok liao.. Unable to imagine controlling 3 characters all at one time and casting spells at the same time.. Basically, multi-tasking.. =.=" I'm using a Fighter, Elementalist & Wizard. A tanker to tank the mobs and 2 nukers killing fast from behind.. Without a scout is indeed harder to PvE but i really dun wan a healer, they are so nerf in PvP.. Waste time getting them in party only.. Anyway juz have to kill fast and clear mob before fighter cannot take it lor.. So dun need to waste potions on nukers.. This game is very unique. NPCs can be recruited sia.. I juz fought a rich boy and he joined me when i won the battle after failing 3 tries.. New revolution of MCC and XAI, i take my hat off.. Quite a nice game indeed. 9Dragons had dieded. =X

Sian 1/2..

Juz came back from mob.. sian.. Again army gave me that feeling back.. When about to book in, the unwanting to book in.. When about to book out, delay and delay and delay.. I see it coming.. Sian.. Blisters on my hands, feet sore and pain and tired, eyes almost shutting becoz haven't slp, hungry yet unable to swallow, warm and sweaty and sticky but purr upon cold bath, wanted to shit but nothing came out.. Sian.. It never fails to piss me off despite never fails to leave me sweet memories.. Contradicting but true.. Only left with 7yrs with those guys.. I can't imagine life after tat.. I bet most are not contacting anymore.. sigh.. Reservists are like a gathering for all of us by force. Haha.. It's a good thing actually..

Rush to wait, wait to rush. It's always like that.. =.= Rush to form up to get prepared to go another camp to draw our stores then wait for the bus and lining up.. I lay down on the road on Issac's lap trying to rest a while.. Then Adam starts coming to unbutton me.. =.= Undo two of it then i brush him off, ya i know it's cooling and there's no gals to see. But aiyo, i want rest lah.. Haha.. Then he pressed on my stomach then again said the same thing as last in-camp, wah lao eh i really like xiaoxing's stomach muscle lor.. Forever so hard.. Then Edwin the body-builder came and said, ya lor xiaoxing since ns days already like that, how i wish i can have those but too bad i need power rather than shape due to job nature.. =.= Want to rest a bit also got kachiao.. But well, my abdominal aren't nothing lor.. =P But got those i still can't do much sit-ups.. zzzzzz.. Book out liao then unable to get any cab.. Sian.. Haiz i dun like army, but i dun mind signing on and going overseas.. I'm still considering..

The next book in will be in June, 12 days all scatter.. Then after that still got 5 more days in-camp-training in July.. Faint.. Army can call-up a personel for up to 40days per year.. No joke.. =.=" Faints.. Need to go slack a bit then take a short nap before shen diao xia nu tonight.. Till laterz.. Oh ya i'm deciding to cut down on entertainments.. Getting heavily in debts liao. If i continue my this lifetstyle i'm afraid i will be in deep shit.. Already 4-digit le, i mean again.. Haha.. If another mth ah, i think 3mths pay also can't clear.. Lolx..

ba ba black sheep.

Well, the pc show is coming again.. Again it's at stc.. Memories back again.. Picturing how she and he enjoying themselves at the pc show before heading Esplanade before meeting me before telling me he bought her her fave bag that i bought.. Ya ya nothing de juz close friends who got a lot to crap abt. Crap. Already dating for wks and even juz came back from bintan honeymoon behind my back and still can say friends. Went Genting hor? Boring hor? Of coz lies are boring, juz like u. Scandal long started in Feb. Compared to August. Pui. What comes around goes around, thus, there's no need for me to hate him. Well, what's being done to me badly was what's being done to him badly.. Actually i felt sorry for him.. It's my fault that i had no control over her that let roam around and hurt him.. WTF i'm toking abt? =.= He's the third party and i'm helping him. Kao. Anyway, all gals are like that and all guys are like that. Discrimination in progress, so leave me alone. Dun ask me to stab u, becoz i would.

Life's a bitch..

Sian.. Life's boring.. I really can't sit and wait for things to happen.. Will get bored to death soon... Haha.. Yest slept so early.. =.=" 7pm+ i concuss liao.. I guess i'm really tired.. Hope that i really can tune back my system clock... Tonite dbl-o.. Actaully dun really feel like going de.. But suddenly carol says she wanted to go.. Aiyo.. Shld not have promised her that i will accompany her to clubbings.. Wah lao.. Still got one more which is st james powerhouse.. I miss techno.... =( Now no more MU liao.. Haiz.. Then no one seems to like techno.. He also dun wan go de lah.. I know he no money liao then now just started work only.. I guess can only wait for Ronnie lor.. But dunno when he will contact me.. Last time he always go DB, now switch to MOS already.. But he only if got big event then will be there de... Clubbing is getting boring.. Haha.. But actually i still prefer clubbing rather than ktv..

U sound so desperate to me.. Haha.. Can't live without man.. =X Oops! How can i say this.. =P Well, it's true though.. I can feel ur yearning.. =.= Well, and ur mindset seems so similar to the one in my hatelist.. Maybe becoz both also from ITE bah.. Oops.. How can i discriminate..? Raine also from ITE but she ok de leh.. Haha.. Oh ya toking abt Raine, she's back to her bf liao.. That time broke off i still so worry abt her... Afterall she's my ex-colleague.. But now since things are fine for her, good lor.. =) But u are better than the one in my hatelist lah.. That one is incorrigible.. Actually such gal is easy to pian one.. But i'm worried later when things end and u might use death as a threaten.. Lolx.. Then if i were to ask u to go ahead and if u did then i will be in trouble liao.. =X Anyway, it's not gonna be me who needed u. =)

Well, it's true that i can't live without gals, as in gals friends.. Before i lost my N6030 and still using my 9740xxxx, i got tons of contacts.. Almost 700+ and i'm still in contact with a lot of gals.. Oh well, ever since i changed to this starhub 8118xxxx, i did not bother to msg everyone informing of the change of number... Becoz this number i got it becoz of a person, for that person to contact me.. Becoz for her sake, i feel that i dun need anyone else except for the close ones.. Well, i was wrong and now i regretted.. Feel so bad.. Everyone thought that i was gone into thin air.. Even though i msg them informing of new number, no one seems to care much already except for a few like celena and mixue.. Suddenly i felt so empty though i already did when i'm alone all by myself.. I used to be never short of ppl around me, be it normal friends or close friends, be it clubbers or coffee-goers, be it gals or guys, be it casual friends or intimate friends or friends who try to get close to me.. But now i seems to left with nothing.. Naked and needed to stand up all over again to build up the old weixing.. Is that really essential? Is that really possible? Is that really important?

Felt so sucky on my life and digusted on my life.. I told my best friend, yx.. I wanted to look for a job overseas.. Trying to run away.. Run away from everything, run away from everyone.. I know there will be people to hold me back, pull me back or even grabbed me tight and dun let me go.. The feeling of snapping.. I'm sick of this life, i'm sick of my family, i'm sick of complicated life, i'm sick of simple life, i'm sick of relationships, i'm sick of guys, i'm sick of gals, i'm juz so sick.. My angels wun be able to do a thing.. They got their own life unlike the past anymore.. Why do i need to rely.. I dun understand.. I thought i'm strong enuff to live, maybe i'm not.. Stress had been incoming.. More and more, piling and piling, higher and higher.. I know it's my own fault.. But wat can i do when i'm not emotionally stable? Cel knows me the best.. She always ask me not to bottled up too much till one day i will seriously breakdown and collapse.. That's my nature.. Coz i know that ppl tends to be carried away by others emotions.. Gal, u know me the best as well, that's why i kept saying we are the same and we are being attracted to each other at that time..

Hide until i can't hide anymore, i guess i would run away to a secluded place where no one knows me.. Till now i see no wings.. Yet to find another perfect her.. Maybe i'm too demanding.. Maybe it's really being sealed up.. Maybe i dun really need.. Maybe i do need.. I'm being so hard to please.. Haha..

Yest dbl-o was a great nite, was a bad nite.. So many ppl went.. Dawn, bouncer, terry, rain, osim guy, jiayi, gal in white dress, my sis, waiyee. Such a big group.. But this time it's different from MOS that time.. MOS bigger group but dbl-o more fun.. Less crowd and less chaotic.. Still, it's complicated.. I can see ppl on the dancefloor, guy caressing a gal, guy and gal kissing, guy approaching gal, guys trying to get close to the gals in my group, sexy dancing here and there. Complicated.. I dun see myself yearning for anything but rather, haha things can happen.. At our table when dawn was talking to jiayi, jiayi kept leaning forward... =.= Then i kept turning around to look at the dancefloor direction instead.. Then afraid that they will scared that i will get boring so had to face them, therefore i got down the step so that i will not get to see anything... And then jiayi's friend, that gal was wearing a short dress and it was short.. =.= Again i had to face the dancefloor direction... Omg.. Wat's wrong with me..? Well, I dun need any charisma but why am i running away from tasties..? Sigh.. Both of them are indeed pretty but none seems to be appealing to me.. Looks are deceptive. I mean no harm in my words, i'm juz being defensive..

Drank beer, vodka lime and one tequila shot.. Can't mix beer with vodka or anything else.. I'm pretty high juz like my sis.. Well, i dun mind being high, being not so sober.. In the past, the gals would prefer me to be high if not i'm not the usual clubber weixing.. Afterall i'm a shy type.. =X If yest didn't mix the beer with vodka, i dun think i would even tok to any other gals even jiayi or waiyee.. I would fold my arms and confined myself and limit myself to few words..

I know u dun agree on wat i had posted in previous. I know i shld not have post that.. Well, the fact is i had to let u know.. U know, sometimes words can get stucked.. Or u really prefer me not even mentioning the unspoken..? I can grant ur wish de.. =) Dun worry, i mean no harm.. Simple care and concern, if not i would not even bother to..

The inner me..

Well, dun let the history repeat itself.. I dun wanna discriminate neither do I wanna lose both. If I learnt it, I will not get angry nor would I kick a fuss about it. I will be myself, remain quiet and drift away.. =) That's my style.. Everyone escaped from reality.. So, I would not show u the reality.. That's me.. Guys are most afraid of gals naggings, gals are most afraid of guys quietness, chen mo.. So, pls do not be delusional. Like what i said, i dun wanna lose both. Be firm on ur grounds and hold ur horses. Yes, this is a warning.. Coz there's no way i can trust u, u are very similar to her.. Plus, i had zero trust in all of ur gender. Trust had to be earned, not given. Even as a friend.. I had high expections and hopes in you. Dun lose ur worth in me. =) Tell me if it's not gonna happen means it's not gonna happen. U had eaten ur words a few times.. =) U shld be glad i'm still around.. The water-bearer had lotsa tolerants but dun disillusioned.. If u are afraid u would lose me so as to be deceptive, then u would really lose me. Reality wun bites me hard, juz itch. Deception bites me harder, it stabs. =)

I dun understand why did i reveal that i'm a shui bian person.. Well, i dun deny that.. =) Basically i can accept anyone but let's face the facts. Looks do matter. Lolx.. But not to the extreme lah.. Well, at least i must feel comfortable with.. =.= Finding a gf is not for show but rather for companionship. Looks dun last, so i seek the inner which determines overall.. I dun really need contant attention nor compaionship, juz a little bit of appreciation will get me to do more.. haha..

That's what i really like about her.. Though we din even considered started that time and she is not beautiful but i juz enjoy her company.. I felt so comfortable with her presence.. However, i really dun understand how come she's so popular.. Haha.. A form of unknown attraction.. When i heard this song that is playing on my blog, she came to my thoughts immediately.. I can still remember but dun understand how come i can reject a beautiful and good-figured gal even though at that time, i'm single and available and we are not even an item at all.. And she even told me to go ahead when she saw those msg.. Haha.. I like that gracious too.. Oh I kinda miss those days.. Afterall, we are fated not meant to be.. Haha.. Maybe it's better that way..

Anyway, among so many gals, i have yet to find another like u.. A soulmate + companion + motivator + pillar.. Many knew i'm quite confined but when i'm with u i can basically tell u anything automatically, naturally.. I dun even need to hold back anything, u dun even have to ask.. Even though i'm being discriminated and condemned, i'm still hanging on without letting u know.. Coz we are of the same character, we will let go if opposite is suffering.. Sigh... But i've never regretted protecting u, never regretted ease ur itch due to rashes from alcohol, never regretted feeding u fries or letting u feed me in public, never regretted sending u to work at times in surprises, never regretted watching movies with u, never regretted letting u letting go of me.. But u can only be my memories, same goes for me, i can only be ur memories.. In discreet where minimal people knows.. Even with no titles i also dun mind, coz i can feel ur appreciations, gal.. Unspoken appreciations are being felt.. U said u are not worth it, now look at my pathetic state and tell me who really worth it then..? Haha.. Hey gal, u are wrong abt her.. I was right rejecting her that time but i dunno why the hell wouldn't i do it again... Well, maybe it's becoz u are no longer around me at that time as my guardian angel.. Even though u are beside me, u will still ask me to go ahead.. But i always wanted to feel ur intuitions, ur unspoken intuitions inside.. That always gave me an answer, a more clear view of what's going on.. Juz like lending me ur power to gain more insights.. Even though u are not blissful nor happy, u also wun let me know.. But i'm always around.. Hey gal, u know i would.. Dun worry, those in the past are past. History will not repeat itself. I only want u to have the best, not even the slightest down. Again giving unconditionally juz for ur happiness.. As long u are happy, i'm glad.. Like i always do, gal.. Ain't i ur boy no more..? =( If u think it's better that way, i'll let it be.. Take care.. Dun keep doing OT lah.. sigh.. Dunno wat sort of company is that, kept mistreating u.. haiz... Of coz i know abt it.. I'm always in msn, in discreet.. =X Dun get me wrong, i'm not virtually-stalking u!

Where's my angel..? I'm still waiting.. Angels are always in disguised in forms of human.. Let's hope it will not be a devil in disgust.. I mean disguised.. Keyboard got problems.. =X Hope the next one will be my fairytale comes true.. =D =P =)

Oh ya.. Yest that person in my hatelist contacted me on msn. I wonder how the hell he can msg me thru when i long ago already blocked him and i checked, he is still being blocked!!! Then i had to put on my mask and ask the usual and entertain him as a friend.. Feel like puking.. A friend indeed.. Sorry i'm not worthy to be a friend. Goodbye.

Say NO, never say YES.

Yet another tragedy.. Aiyo.. This is freaking sian. Life's a bitch, life's a game, life's a dream. Never-ending shits. It's beautiful yet ugly, happy yet sad, blissful yet sorrow. Life's like this.. If there's a start, there's an end. All good things(must come to an end). There's no such thing as forever or eternity. =) The only forever that I can think of is, let there be no start then there will not be any end. To attain forever-no-end it will be no start. Simple logic. Wrong? THEN BE PREPARED FOR ENDS! =) Haha..

Nothing much today.. Yest went kallang bahru Guess Wat with dw, ben, kel, brandon, zamien and two more friends I forgot the names.. =P Couples to be? Haha.. Nothing much, the usual pool and dice and 5-10 and poker and ktv.. Haha.. Pretty high I think coz of the beers before chivas.. Sigh..

Was supposed to go Wan Chai to look for my tian shi.. But that side closing at 1am so like no point going down.. Told her the reason but seems like cannot accept and gave attitude. =.= Pls, such things no longer works on weixing. So, ok lor. Bye.

Everyone were enjoying but things came bad later.. Dw ran off suddenly in a cab to no-one-knows-where.. =.= becoz of the impact? Becoz of us? Hmmm.. Kel & brandon & me went off in a cab together to zouk to wait for my sis.. And she's not done yet until 4am.. So I brought them to river valley for prata.. Haha..

Reach home then unable to get to slp even though i'm slight drunk.. Continued playing games, mixture of dota and 9dragons, all the way until daybreak. At 9am was getting tired so lay down trying to get to slp but after switching off comp and lay down, found out that I still can't get to slp.. Therefore, carry on gaming.. Lolx.. Then dw called when she's at stc buying a cake for Mothers' Day. Accompany her on the fone until she reaches home..

Today's plan, go cineleisure coz dw off today and she wanted to do a bit of shopping. With kel also. Again for her, LJS Combo 2 + coleshaw + big crowder, with chilly & ketchap & mayo. =.= Went to More Than Words but unable to find her red colour headband. So went HMV to continue our hunt and still can't find.. Haha.. Then kel need to go off already so only one place for next destination, stc. Went Watson and she bought so many things worth $31.65. Haha.. Then proceed on to tinytoon for the red headband, after that went carrefour for some sushi..

We sat outside while I eat my sushi and she smoke her cigarettes.. Dunno why, she mentioned her past again.. Then suddenly zw msg me and spoilt my mood.. Before that, lyn already called me and said she near DWB.. Then a while later zw called and told me abt his handiplast.. Shun bian I asked some other personal things... Things that I dun really wan to know yet wanted to know.. A slight matching description but not confirm on my intuition.. If my intuition is accurate, I see my own history.. Shld I laugh or shld I cry? Shld I be angry or shld I be sad? Totally lost again..

Meet up with ben after his work then he said wanted to eat.. Shld not have eaten the sushi.. Haha.. Aiya small issue.. Then I suggested bugis eat, I was thinking of the coffeeshop near bus-stop.. In the end, we went into a café.. Same café as that time, same table as that time, same songs as that time.. Triple-hit combo.. Ouch.. How come I still feel it..? Argh, I hate u again, weixing..

Totally shag-out due to no sleep plus totally lost due to memories.. Damn.. Life's such a bitch.
I wanted to seal it up, why am I being forced to fake? Wat's the point? Nature shld takes its own course.. Maybe we are the same.. Juz wanted ONE to let us give our best to that ONE.. Yet to find the ONE to be worthy I guess.. All are bullshits, none are trustable.. Oops! I descriminate again.. Haha.. Yet to be proven wrong. =) Sorry.. My defenses pretty high.. Afterall, those are there to seal the ear(hear no evil), to seal the hand(touch no evil) & heart(feel no evil).. Those 3 accessories I dun juz buy them without a purpose.. Thus, i'm sorry I can't give it to u.. =) So, I dun need one to survive. Arbo I can't go clubbing and ktv liao!! Haha.. =P

Frankly, i'm very emotionally tired lately.. If it's not becoz of him, it would be her, arbo would be him.. Another also, it's becoz of either him or her. These 5 ppl made me shag out.. U know how tiring it is to be for me.. There's no way i can dun care.. It's neither left nor right.. Very xin ku lor.. Sometimes, i wish i can juz disappear.. But i love u all too.. =(

I guess part of it had been settled.. =) I wish u happiness and blissful always. Since i can't attain it, attain it for me. Since i dun have it in my logic, have it in ur logic for me. I'm happy for you.. Make decision and dun look back. The past is always the past. =) It's a brand new start, it's a fresh new beginning. I dun discriminate relationships. I'm not that unreasonable nor selfish.. And to settle ur heart, i will never leave u, even now that u dun really need me anymore.. I know u would like that as an answer. =)

The future is a mystery.. Life's like a box of chocolates, u will never know what u will get until u open it.. Neither do i wish for, nor do i hope for. Coz i dun wanna wish for, hope for.. That's me. I will choose Gu Du rather than Ji Mo.. Anyway, i'm used to Gu Du. I'm used to shopping alone, i'm used to do things alone, i'm used to plan alone, i'm used to eat alone. I know, friends are always there for me.. Friends had their own life too. Anyway, i still have me, myself and i. =D

Pain? It's inevitable..

Things had been running around in my head.. It's not this nor that.. Helping this is wrong, helping that is wrong. Everything is so wrong.. Human juz can't make their own choices.. It takes two hands to clap.. There's no such thing as nothing for something or something for nothing.. There's no such thing as the best of both worlds.. There's no satisfaction but rather reality and it's cruel reality.. To face it or not to face it.

Men are easy creatures. They seek the truth and might even accept it. If u afraid that by telling the truth might lose him, then u will lose him eventually coz paper are unable to cover fire.. If u think u can have everything, in the end u might end up with nothing.. If u think it's a new beginning, it might be a beginning of a new end.. It all lies in one thing, self. Self-reproaching is useless when things had happened. Delusional as one can be, facts are not to be distorted.. The worth is losing. Maybe u shld buck up if u really dun wanna lose him.. Be truthful and sincere, tell him what's on ur mind. U dun have to make up stories to cover up the facts already.. If u know what i mean.. I dun side with anyone no matter who, i will side with reasons.

I guess he would rather u stab him directly into his heart. It seems more painful that way but it's lesser painful actually compared to long pain. That's what i did to one of my ex.. I guess she's long forgotten the pain leaving the pain in me by hurting her real hard.. Anyway, i know she's happy with her life now coz she wun have to see me since she's not in singapore..

U never really wanted to care abt the surrondings, aren't you? Trying to care but in fact wrong aspects, wrong ways.. Meaning? For example, if a person u love is sick due to not taking care of himself and watch wat he eats/does, wat would u do the 1st thing u learned abt this? Singaporeans naturally would scold him. See lah! Told u not to eat so much chocolates! Dun listen lah and now u fall sick already! Hmpf! Well, if u think that by scolding works the best then u better not fall sick urself, what comes around goes around. Rather, show more concern and care and take care of the person rather than raising my voice or scold.. Wait till the person got better than said ur piece of mind in a better tone. Ain't this gonna save the day rather than spoiling the day for both? Juz think abt it.

That's why i pretty like singapore movies. It reflects on the ugly sides of singaporeans and makes u reflect on ur past self.. But i dun understand why so many dare not face it. Afraid, scared, inferior. Tremor upon seeing the ugly self. To err is human, not to learn from err is natural but will never learn never improve on self-cultivation.. Escaping is not the only solution out. Facing it might not be as scary as it seems.. Facing it will not kills u and maybe u will learn much from it.

I know being attached is blissful, sweet and wonderful. Did u forgot? Along with those it also brings with it sorrow, anger, hate, doubt, uncertain, fear, pain, despair.. One negative is uncomparable to 10 positives. Yes, replacement is the best medicine but it will be never ending. So, i've already told u. Guys dun need gals to survive so why get so serious..? Is there really a need to starve urself and sacrifice urself so much juz for that someone when u are not really entirely being appreciated..? I can understand how u feel coz that's what i felt mths ago. So, i've said it many many times and i will still said it, there's no need to get serious.

Technologies are everywhere and common. Juz order one over and that one will be place at home and do ur bidding. They wun get unfaithful nor naughty due to fear of being sent home. They will accept what they are given coz they will not ask for much and will appreciate whatever it is coz at home they might not even have the chance. Well, i know this is not ur character at all.. It's ur choice. For me i dun really care coz i dun need one to survive. Yes i might have to remove both rings in the future. But i'm sure there will a new ring to seal it up again. Gals are untrustable, none of their words are reliable. Sorry that i discriminate. None can prove me wrong yet.

Define Friends.

When we broke off i already said very clearly in my friendster msg to u. I will take back 3 things from ya and do u remember wat is ur reply? And who the hell said "next week on my off day i contact u to return u."? I offered solutions for ur backups and even offered to give u my freaking 120gb hdd. Who the fuck will care so much when someone turn her back on him already? Said what next week but fucking hell, asked urself did i immediately rush you when i got totally no reply from u? And now u can come and tell me after u got bf i will take back everything. Fuck u lah. Long before u exposed ur own relationships i already said i will take back everything when we are going our separate ways.

What take and disappear, when did i ever totally ignore u when u asked me this and that even after we are going separate ways? CB! I even try to find u solutions for ur friend who's pc dunno goddamn what's going on. Why shld i bother so much if i dun even consider u as a friend? Or maybe u prefered it that i totally dun reply ur msg, totally dun ans ur calls, totally bo chap, then we are truely considered enemies after rs? If u still think that i'm the past weixing that used to be so good to u as a friend, i'm sorry it's not possible. Absolutely not possible. Treating u like now juz how i treat a normal friend, is more than enuff. There are much more friends who are much worth my time and effort but u not gonna be one of them.

What cut ur line and internet? When i said i will not freaking touch them means i will not touch them. When starhub and singnet stop the services, what u know is whine and find someone to blame. Did u open up ur fucking mouth and asked? Think with ur head and asked with ur mouth. What u know is to point fingers one after another. I have not been working for a mth plus but i still clear the bills with a dying state.

Shits happened to u and as if the whole world is against u. U owe the world more than they owe u. Wake up ur ideas. No happy with the world juz leave the world, dun taint the world. Yes i'm cruel but not as cruel as u. U are not worth me getting any nice words for u, anyway i never wanted to do that anymore. Wastage of energy & time only.

Girls are all bullshits, none are trustable. U are the one who taught me that. U dun have to waste ur time talking to me coz i din asked u to waste ur time. Anyway, u talk to me or not, it makes no different in my world.

Since u are the one who wanted everything to be in such stage. Fine then give me back everything by end of this week and i'm not giving u the 120gb harddisk for ur backup, u go find ur own. U got tons of friends and close friends ya, go and seek help from them. I will go cut the internet and hp myself and i dun need u to pay me. I will treat it as a penalty for knowing u. U always wanted it this way ya?

Now i will give u a good reason to hate me and blame me. Anyway, that's what u are best at. Now i want ur answer, be it msn or msg or call. Tell me how u want to settle this freaking shit, Mrs Neo. Dun make me go all the way. I dun mind meeting Mr Neo. Since he is so good, ask him get u all those lor. I'm a freaking bastard mah. Or had things already turned sour, again? Anyway, none of my concern nor do i wish to invole a 3rd or 4th or 5th or 6th or 7th party. U shld know i love racking the past. So, settle ur own shit urself. Thanks.

Disgusting..

Absolutely i tell ya.. I felt like vomiting. =.= The worst i ever seen. Haiz.. Doesn't belong to this world at all. Yup, better off dead. Anyway, doesn't really matter if u exist in this world. If i'm at ur deathbed, i wun even shed a single tear. Erm.. I dun think i wun even go.. lolx.. Anyway, though it's none of my concern, it's still disturbing.. Damn i feel like bathing 5 times a day.. shrugs.. Aiyo, i wonder wat's going on with me. Lolx.. Dirty, filthy and disgusting. I mean you. =) So, when are u going to hell? I can help u email the demons to take u away.

Yet another person inside my hate-list. It's been two yrs since i last added a person in.. Now there's 3.. yawnzz.. Why so little..? =.= Well, it's easy to get into my hate-list. Juz get on my nerves thoroughly and get me very very irritated and disgusted by your actions. Haha.. The 1st one is becoz of gamble. The 2nd is becoz of stupidity. The 3rd is becoz of agony. Dun worry, u wun know if u are on my hate-list. It's top secret and i can still smile to u. Beware of the knife behind. =)

Guys dun do something without asking for anything in return.. =) Well, it's pretty normal. Becoz u wanted something thus u would treat her very good naturally. There's no free lunch in the world. Why do u think i would not want to give up initiately when things are so bad in shape? Yup, juz becoz i haven't got wat i wanted. =) There's no such thing as something for nothing.. So, beware of me. =D

U are being contradicting urself. U mentioned u dun wan it anymore and yet u turn soft eventually. So u are still hoping? Dun tell me u haven't got what u wanted as a man.. That's utterly not possible. Ok maybe u wanted more than that.. Lolx. =.= Maybe i might be different from ya coz i would get slapped if it's me who turned soft. Anyway, as if i would. lolx. Do u think i will really crawl? Oh please, i wun do that, at least not for u. No way, man. I might even puke upon seeing a bare. =X

See? i told ya. And u know it urself. Both are same but very different in many ways. Becoz u are u, she is she. Btw, u are at least a thousand times better. Dun jump and be so happy yet.. As time passes, percentage will still drop.. =) Leopard doesn't change its spots eh..? U said it urself one lor.. =X Ok lah, though got many points being deducted already but u are still doing fine.. Coz occasionally u still get back ur points.. Dun forget one thing, ppl normal drop more than they gain.. So, 10 good is not even 1 bad.. Dun be sassy like u always do. U gonna earn that points by urself.. Anyway, if u think that it's not impt then so be it.. =) There are no princess in my world. Gals are bullshits, he said. Well, gals are not entirely bullshits but they do exist for a reason. Dun blame the gals when u urself wanted to be serious yet got hurt. I mean, ur virginity is not even being taken away, so why get so upset? =.= Anyway, even though u lose it, u are still not losing.. Ah watever..

That time went JS again to acc kel. Dawn and ben also came. I told ben and kel abt the yellow clothing gal.. =X Well, when i reached and saw her back view, fell in love with her body curves from the back.. Then she turned back a few times and saw her face, wow.. Went toilet and came back to see her valley, omg. I told them, i was bleeding.. lolx.. Luckily she dun play pool.. lolx.. Back view with nice contours without excessing fats, not a great hump but a little bit is more than enuff to complete the shape from the back.. Oh man, i'm dreaming of her(shape).. =X

An angel with a devil's heart..?

She's petite, cute, attractive, demure, innocent-looking, english-spoken, and ultimately she dun need perfume to smell good and i'm a sucker for that.. Yet, I dunno what's going on.. Why shits have to happen..?

Darn.. His style, his patterns, his attitude, his character. We knew him too well.. A decade wasn't juz HI-BYE only. For 17yrs we 3 are on constant contact.. She's merely the 2nd gal in his life.. I mean, ya, history repeats itself.. Again, didn't see the full picture or understand the whole story.. But well, yx is a very straightforward person. He dun juz side friends, he side reasons.. If not he wouldn’t not had say him also..

We all thought, finally the time has come and yet devastated him was being revealed.. When I heard abt being played out. Absolutely sure he wun be the player.. I nv seen another super traditional guy other than him... Intuitions told me same shit happened.. Haiz..

Suddenly approached me and asked me so much abt ST James and clubbing stuffs, even abt german beers.. During soccer kept saying my davidoff smell kept distracting her.. Well, I dun like to smell bad even though i'm sweating profusely.. Well, perfume doesn't work.. I got almost whole set of Davidoff.. Perfume, after-shave, shower gel, deodarant stick.. =) well, I dun really like the smell but many yrs back, found out quite few like the smell. Wasn't too strong, wasn't too mild.. And most importantly, not much guys using the classic series which is nicer so it makes me felt slightly unique.. =P So far I only know 4 gals who like it.. Jasmine, celena, shan and this new gal.. Back to topic.. She's so friendly until she approached me and asked me wat time leaving after the soccer coz she had to rush to Fashion bar for work.. Wanting to go off with me since I stay so near to clarke quay ya..? I can be as friendly as I can be.. Better not let it be a chance for revenge for a friend..

Ya, when u descriminate something, dun do it urself. U are being contradicting if u do it yet saying u dun like it too. Well, it's a fact. So all gals always being this contradicting? Haha.. Well, in fact all humans can be this contradicting. So it's pretty normal to be contradicting I guess.. =) Ok I got it.

Darn only slept 2hrs and the soccer almost took my life and with gastric pain and with feel of almost legs going weak and with eyes feeling painful..

Wah lao supposed to go look for huiwen de.. Too rush for everything.. Also too shag for everything.. I really miss her a lot.. Then somemore she nan de go back to pub to stand in for her friend.. And finally got a chance to see her after so many mths and I blew it away, again... Sigh... =(

By right after sports shld be much more energetic.. I'm like a zombie when going for supper with dawn, her bro and ben.. =.= Juz no mood lor.. It's a bad day today.. And somemore the place that I asked her to park her car at, gana summon.. Well, I told her it's on me coz it's my bad.. I'm like an idiot without a clear mind.. Well, maybe I am..

5am and still not home from the ktv.. darn worried when she called and said she had sent ben home and currently at Serangoon Garden.. Well, she got lost easily and somemore she’s very tired already.. Accompanying her by toking to her on the fone until she drove home safely.. By right this morning supposed to go her place and accompany her to work, unable to wake up and by the time I fully awake it was 6pm+ close to 7pm already.. Then found out that my both legs feeling weak.. The aftermath of soccer.. =.= At 1st still thinking of sign on de.. After soccer I gave up the thoughts.. lolx..

Tried a little on Dance Online.. It’s something like DJ Max. Well, tempo game. But it’s different coz it’s an multi-players online dancing game.. 3 diff modes. Multiplayers freestyle, Boys VS Girls & Couple Dance. Can arrange either in line or in formation for dancing.. It’s pretty difficult on some songs.. Omg there’s tons of songs lor.. And the animation wasn’t that good but the dance moves are cool.. And most importantly, it’s addictive..

Tired..

Last night was like so busy.. =.= woke up late around 4pm.. Slacking around, lazying around.. Hehe.. Someone kept asking me to hurry up go MSQ acc her.. Well, supposed to go meet up with yx and his friends at sls as they wanna get a PSP so needed a professional's advice. Oops! Did I say pro..? Well, i'm juz an end-user.. Hehe..

The whole hectic schedule. 5pm acc her at MSQ then go sls meeting at 7pm then go back MSQ wait for her to finish work then go Esplanade then go home..

In the end....

Didn't go MSQ, instead went sls direct and waited for long time lor.. Then took train toether to MSQ, parted with them carls jr then go find her. Zhiwei also there and he will be going for dota at parklane. Ben went movie for spidey at cineleisure. Thus we went to ECP and parked at carkpark D then go market for sugarcane..

Driving without confidence is indeed dangerous.. Haha.. But overall u are doing juz fine. =) Dun worry abt the setbacks, they are nothing. U still want to buy car de lor. Maybe a few more times then u will be ready for it liao.

After that east coast gotta go pick up ben at cine then pick up zhiwei at parklane.. Then sent zhiwei home 1st.. Supposed to go find SPC petrol station at BQ, ended up at Havelock SPC.. Lolx.. I'm more familiar with my area lah.. Haha.. =P Change over to ben to drive coz he's the next destination home.. Drove to whampoa market and found out nothing to eat.. So went out to main road to Weng Tong Kee for chicken rice.. Aiyo forgot she coughing can't have chicken.. =.=

She's pretty tired coz only slept an hr plus the other nite.. Tried tempt ben to send her home and send her to work the next but seems unsuccessful.. Well, timing not zhun lah.. So worried abt her driving thus forbid her to send me home.. Instead, acc her till toh guan then took a cab back.. Today morning went toh guan and acc her to work.. Worried abt her.. In the end, mild accident happened.. Aiyo that uncle also cb one lah. Knn.. Luckily braked fast and hard enuff.. Slight bumps and scratch only..

Then after reaching stc, still gotta go potong pasir fix another pc.. Another pending pc at home.. Seems lazy to get it done.. Sigh.. Anyway, had to get it done after blogging.. =) tonight and tml still got programmes.. Wah lately so busy sia.. Huiwen suddenly said she will be working at a pub tonight as a stand-in.. Oh it's very unlikely to resist her.. Long time no see her liao ever since she no longer worked in pubs.. Haha.. Very wired leh.. Other gals ask me go find them, hardly I would go but for huiwen, normally I would go.. I mean normally.. Pretty shag-out these few days.. Tml noon maybe got another servicing at JE.. Then 8pm got soccer and after soccer maybe going yx's place fix his pc.. Wah.. Almost can't breathe.. Sun most probably got delivery to woodlands.. Omg.. Tue night most prob going with her & my sis to pick Kel from airport.. Haha.. Wat a hectic life...

Juz in case, i'm single and available. =) I'm juz treating everyone good. Hehe.. So, dun look at me as if i'm attached. Thanks.. I dun wanna any commitments yet.. =D Again that someone out there muz be thinking that weixing is only out to look for some fun only.. Well, I ain't need fun and i'm fine with my life. =) I told ya, I can be a good friend or fling but I ain't a good bf.. Dun play with water when u know u can't swim well.. =P

Wat's the different between fling and scandal..?

Fling - a short love affair.
Scandal - something which public feeling considers to be immoral and shocking; something that is strongly disapprove of.

Had both, done both, got over both. Kelvin defined fling as - something that involved kissing & hugging and maybe something more.. Well, both are the same leh.. =.= aiyo.. Ppl tend to get delusional as time passes.. Anyway, I dun really care.. Lolx.. Been in all sorts of titles anyway.. So, makes no diff lah. Be it fling, scandal or gf. =) Dun tell ppl to commit when one's not ready to commit. Not possible I ask u to commit while i'm having fun outside too.. Lolx.. Anyway, it's fun. =)

Wah lao that cb still dun wan contact me yet.. Cashflow getting low lor.. =.= Haiz.. It's not that I dun wanna find a job before quitting.. I juz leave that place ASAP.. Afterall that's the place which is full of bad memories, also the place that I got slapped.. Lolx.. I dun wanna look back. So gotta leave no matter wat.. Racked the past again, well that's me. Anyway it did happened. =)

Totally lang bei...

Think I had phobia already.. Clubbing is better I guess.. I always hated ktv pubs whenever i'm feeling down.. Lolx.. Mask is easily being removed.. Juz like yest.. Ya so unglam.. Haha.. Again he saw me twice in such state... Haiz.. Made him so worried abt me and kept asking me not to think so much.. Well, as if he nv saw before.. Haha.. Anyway, luckily my sis is around.. This is the 1st time she saw the weakest bro ba.. Haiz... Sibei xin ku lor.. But after that day I guess I will be fine le bah.. Hopefully.. Seems fine yet not fine.. Seems not fine yet fine.. Haha.. An empty shell without any soul..

Mixue is so sweet.. Her msg yest morning indeed brought up my mood.. Haha.. We known each other for almost a decade already in the coming years and we yet to seen each other.. Too busy already haha.. Despite that, it's not stopping us from getting closer.. Still remember there are times that we almost lost contact.. The time when her bf contacted me then we drift away.. The time when she went overseas studying also drift away.. Still, we are in contact.. =) We ain't together, juz friends. Who says diff gender friends cannot be close de? =.= A title is juz a title.. Right, darling? *wink* =P Hectic life is indeed sucky.. Anyway, when I start work there u can come find me for a drink.. I will try to give ya discount or maybe even a treat.. Hehe.. Thanks michelle.. Luckily our paths are still crossed despite so much obstacles. =) do we call it destiny or fate..?

I guess she did read my blog.. if not I wun have received a “it’s noon already, darling….” Haha.. Well, u guessed I’m a sucker for that eh..? And u got it. =) Yup u did managed to mark my day..

Ya afterall it’s me, myself and i.. Haha.. Ain’t need anybody nor anyone. Juz me, myself and I will accompany weixing.. =X So desolute.. lolx.. I dun wanna take down my specs leh.. =.=

I’m disappointed.. Sigh.. U are too young liao lah.. But at least u know urself that u are not matured at all. Ur reliability on guys are too strong already.. Well, even though u can be very good to bf but no use lor.. Coz that’s not wat I seek. I need attention but I dun need attention.. I dun need attention but I need attention.. =) I’m complicated yeah so find another pls. =)

U made me felt u can’t live without guys. That turned me off greatly.. lolx.. Anyway, it’s ur life that u are living. None of my concern.. Dun make me a target can liao.. I dun wanna commit oh.. At least not for u.. U need to go thru much more and show me that u are worth it.. =P Anyway, I dun wanna associate with gals working nightlife. =) Ya it’s complicated job so till laterz..

Silly.. The true me is being revealed shown already.. Are we alike..? Lolx.. Anyway, I dun really care of anything else. I can becoz of supporting a friend at her workplace even though I ain’t had any money left to go home and yet had to walk home from a faraway place. So, I dun see why I can’t do the same for ya.. Well, I’m more familiar with the west so it’s not an issue at all. I also did once that after chatting with someone till late night then I go to a void deck downstairs and slept a while until the 1st bus came.. Well, that’s me. =) I can do anything for anyone basically. Be it guys or gals, friends or gf. All human are equal. Like I said, since I dun have a gf to treat her 100% so I will share the 100% among all my friends. =) Same thing applies, nothing in return do I asked for. =) Ya, I’m too good to be true. I ain’t deserved by anyone.. So, leave me alone..

Kept being haunt by those words.. Lolx.. Well, maybe u are right.. It’s becoz I loved her too much thus I can allow those to happen and yet salvage it.. Maybe u are right, he dun love u enuff thus he left.. U asked me for my intuition but I dare not tell u.. =) U are hoping for a miracle, a hope. I dun wanna give u despair though that’s my intuition.. Anyway, be it gone with the wind or happiness stay. I’ll still be right behind u. =) Like I always do.

It happened again..

Damn it.. I knew it.. Though already tried my best already but it still happened.. Beyond control.. Felt so useless.. I remember i felt it coming and i'm telling myself to hold it back.. Really had a hard time holding it back, fight back.. In the end becoz of Vince's words, juz collapsed.. Felt so useless.. Thought it's all over and nothing's left already.. Afterall i still haven't got over it yet.. Damn it.. Life's sux.. Felt so useless.. When i can't even help myself, how the hell can i help others..? I hate u, weixing. Damn.