Owner of the Ring

I thought I said I quit drinking..? =.= Drinking is real bad.. Now I lost my ring.. Argh.. How the hell did I bear to give her the ring..? I remembered I only took it down for her to see, not to give her.. Darn..

Everyone's curious abt the ring i'm wear on my neck.. Aiyo, wat's wrong? Can't I have two rings? Zzzzzz.. Surprisingly, it was someone that I dun even know her name who took down my defences.. Alcohol is the root to all evils.. Lolx.. Well, the thing is now how am I gonna remind myself of the pain that i've been thru without the ring... Sigh.. But still, though she's cute, nothing interesting happened yest nite.. Haha. So worried she wun be able to reach her doorstep.. Luckily her friend wait for her downstairs since they are staying together. =)

I think I need to robot myself somemore.. Entertainments are too much to handle.. It will only pulls me down.. And somemore there's one very big party that I see it coming in a few weeks.. Hopefully there will be a lot of ppl.. Long time no club with big groups liao..

Anyway, on the 15th will be celebrating Carol's bday. Will bring her go shopping and dinner then to ST James Powerhouse. Will be starting to invite more ppl to go party together. The more the merrier. =)

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be good. Goodwill can be seen and sensed as evil. Define evil. Wicked heart, naughty thoughts, psycho. Well then, I can be quite petty at times over trival matters. One time or twice, still can be understooded.

Well, I guess it's the power of that word that brings up the defences.. Can't help it.. Since that's how u look at me all along, so be it and i'll play along. Ppl always say "Fake it till u make it." Ya, so that's it. Fake it even though u do not have the confidence and least that u realised it, u are so used to it until u always do have the fake confidence which comes along so naturally..

One side note, I dun lose anything without you. There’s no different in my life whether u exist or not. Since u keep to ur own thinking, go ahead. If I give u up as a friend, dun regret coz there’s no such thing as turning back when I turn my back on you.

Aquarius love appreciation. Even though it’s juz a little bit, u can get them to treat u even better even more. Well, try show no appreciation or disillusion, u will get the answer sharp.

Ironically, I found myself with lesser and lesser confidence in presenting myself with gals whom i'm much closer to.. Coz those were the ones dear to me who had seen the actual me.. Juz like how sweet-nothings dun work on those gals.. Well, actually I’m referring to eye contacts.. How often do u shy away from eye contacts..? =.= It wasn't easy but easier for me on gals that are not close to me..

What's my point? Dun get too personal.. It'll makes all concealments fruitless and all efforts redundant.. True form will be revealed.. I hate my true form since birth. I hate the world for making me such weakling personality. I'm still trying my best..

A vase is nice to see, nice to have, nice to admire. But, a vase is always a vase. Well, many gals went for surgeries/cosmetics etc. To be more perfect and to have more confidence. Whatever. Ya those gals are indeed nice to see and admire.. But when it comes to ownage, it will turns almost all men off. Ya men are cheap, same goes for gals.

I dun understand. I simply dun understand.. Even if really can afford a Honda Integra Type-R, is there really a need for it? Is there really an essential need? So what even though the price of an Integra monthly payment plus monthly petrol & summons & coupons total add up is not even half of the drawn salary? Look at the Integra, it is indeed cheap lor, estimated $85k only. Every mth only need to pay abt $1300 including everything. It's not worth it lor.. With $1300 every mth, can go clubbing every weekend like mad as if no need money de.. With $1300 every mth, go shop till u drop with abt $350 per weekend to spend on anything. With $1300 every mth, accumulate a few mths and can go on holiday, even to japan or to lovely taiwan to shop with madness and to view sceneries/landscapes..

Whatever.

Taipei, i'm looking towards in seeing u soon. The draw is near. =)

Seeing u more, communicating with u more, I felt a different aura in you. Inner beauty..? Perhaps.. The things and criteria u are lacking, those pull me close.. Curiosity kills the cat. Will I be killed? Or would u be saved? It might spread out, it might not.. Those wings are afraid to do its job.. Protecting its master or simply no need for them? I've got no idea.. Whirling inside with deep thoughts and serious considerations, the puzzle had to be fixed before a verdict is being passed down.. Time will tell our fates. Each and individual fate. Destiny is not fate but a choice to be made.

Do not refrain anymore coz the more u refrain, the more I will fade away.. But if u think that's really the best for u, I will let go.. =) I will not ask at all, if u still can't tell, so be it.. Too bad I guess..

Weee. Shld be going Batam again. Tentatively this sat morning going till night.. =D Shopping spree without having a disturbed mind like the previous trip in late jan. Well, fark the last one. It's pure bullshits. Anyway, ya. I'm looking forward to it.. Hehe.. =)

Plannings for thailand will be delayed. I guess most prob gotta wait for Jinlun to come back to sg next yr. And we will go Taiwan 1st!! Though in late Feb or early Mar will be going Taipei for 5D/4N. Actually I’m aiming for 8D/7N tour of Taiwan to all areas instead of Taipei free-and-easy.. Not only Taipei is nice.. Gao Xiong, Hua Lian, Tai Zhong, etc. Many many other provinces.. =( But it's so expensive lor coz I need to pay for my sis and maybe my mum too if she’s going. Guess I had to get prepared at least $5k..

Oh ya agreed with Yuxiang that we'll be visiting Jinlun when he's outstation.. Hmmm.. Guess I will choose either Thailand or HongKong for the earlier trip coz it's much cheaper and visiting JL is gonna be damn exp already considering the almost $2k air ticket.. Haha. Shall plan further, currently juz have to focus on getting more and more money into my Citibank 1st. =/

Juz now went Sheng Song buy cigarettes and guess who I saw..? I saw Janice!! Yes Janice!! But she dun recognise me anymore though since I dun talk much to pretty ladies last time.. Time flies.. She's merely 19 and now she's married and had a baby boy juz last mth.. Oh ya hor how come din see her baby.. =.= Her figure is still as great as before!! One word - Goddess. Lolx.. =P Frankly, for a lady at that age, it's indeed difficult to have such a devilish body or shall I say in singapore.. Big boobs but fat, slim but flat. Whatever.. Lolx.. She's 36C I guess, with nice waist-line(i always like smoothing love-rings.. Lolx..) without any excessive fats and spare tires.. Brown contact lens with medium length dirty golden hair. Perfect. Seductive. Splendid. =) I haven't found a 2nd her that I know till now. Lolx..

As the song goes... I still miss you badly.. It's been so many yrs already.. The heartache is still there.. Many passersby yet no one can erase u totally from my mind.. I dun yearn for anything already.. All I asked for is to see you face to face for once.. Juz once will do.. Let me die seeing u for once.. =( If u come back home, hope u will let me know.. We can meet up for a coffee.. Haven't u forgive me yet after our broke up so many yrs ago..? Thought we are still friends that's why we are still contactable? Even though u are still out-stationed but still contactable ah.. =( Maybe I really shattered it real bad that time.. Guess you are my only regret even when I’m gone.. My last wish will definitely be wanting to see u for the last time..

I will never turn my head to eat the grass behind me.

That still applies, strongly. Even though I still love those in my memories, but I will accept none.

Two more weeks!! Yeah!! Then i'm going to Chapter 2! Hehe.. Yeah they are expensive but if they serve me well, I might consider getting a personal hair-stylist and appointments every 3wks to trim and maintain/alter. Well, going every 3wks is the right way coz every 3wks hair will grow then can trim to the style. =)

I'm going back to Bukit Timah again.. Sad case, cannot use hp when at work liao.. =( That's the only bad thing abt Bukit Timah.. But still, I dun mind. =)

施文斌 - 忘不了

翻开一本旧日记
记载着一段旧恋情
每段都那么的甜蜜
往事历历在这里
曾看过多少的风雨
曾说过要到哪里去
曾做过觉得傻的事
爱过在这城市里

昨晚下了一场雨
让我忽然梦里见到你
躲在某个地方哭泣
好想紧紧抱着你
有一次从朋友口中听到你消息
我的心都在发抖
你是否孤身一人
(我不停追问)

分手两年后我还是想着你
多久没有见过你
现在你住在哪里
只怕有一天我们都会老去
只想留一点回忆
能够让我们依靠

我在一个咖啡店
透过玻璃窗往外望
你的人影无所不在
无心无魂的想你


为什么人总要等到失去才珍惜
我来不及想告诉你
要永远不分离

To hide or to reveal, it's still a mystery yet to be solved.. Only told one person.. The way and the tone that I used, made him looked upon me as that's the actual weixing that he always knew.. Well, maybe it is, maybe it is not.. I've already forgotten what is weixing like.. Haha..

If seriously I see the need to change u and transform u into a swan, I might.. =) To have confidence and to able to present urself well is an awfully tough thing for a gal who's lacked of it since the beginning.. However, u are not ugly, neither are u very fat. With the right clothes and with the right attitude, u can be very gorgeous.. But u might turned into another her.. Haha.. Well, even if that happens, it's way beyond my control, nor do I want to control.. =)

Hey u are really still a part of me.. You never fail to keep my mind spinning and me moving forward.. Juz like an inspiration to move on, honey.. =D Dun worry abt falling, okie? Juz do it. Coz it's juz a msg/call, and I might be there for ya, whenever I can. =) Summon me only when essentially needed please.. =.=

Oh an OL.... Hmmmm not bad, nice looking with not bad figure.. Then she sat next to me on my left.. Oh, Estee Lauder Pleasure!! It suits her well.. Elegant. Simply can't resist the smell.. But not everyone can smells good from it. Suddenly she tilt 45 degree away from me.. It's ok, it's ok... Coz she's checking her destination on the train route-map on top of us.. Then she did not turn back to face the front.. But as the train sway as it moves, she's leaning slightly on me.. Oh man, I almost fainted.. It's been quite a while since any lady can get my heart to beat so fast.... Even getting on a bed also wun beat so fast.. Damn.. This ain't any ordinary and typical OL(i mean those kids who need to wear OL) coz she's sooooo... Ah, I dunno how to put it.. Oh well, so far she's the only one comparable to Sally who is my customer at suntec.. Matured, intelligent, elegant, gorgeous, mesmerising. Ladies around that age and knows how to present themselves are simpy the best.. Late twenties to early thirties.. It's WOAH.. =) No need for branded clothes nor cosmetics, juz something suiting and light and most important is the right choice of perfume to suit the overall.

I'm sorry but i'm very particular in what type of OL is the most exotic. It's rare in singapore, please understand.. Carlynn lah.. It's all her fault to set the benchmark.. Haha.. Most of nice OLs are nice to see but very very few will makes me wanna desire.. However, peace out. I ain’t ready.

The eye of the Hurricane..

If u feel that I dun love u enough, so be it. I had explained and I had my reasons. I can't do things the way u wanted it to be. U may be the world, u may not be the world. Coz, u are not the only one who needed me, and not the most at that time. U are juz being childish and foolish. Go away as you may.

More a friend, less a friend, it makes no different to my life. I love all my friends and everyone are being equally treated. Dun be selfish for ur self gain, for ur self profit. U will disgust me. You may look pretty but getting more and more ugly liao. Eww. Gals. Damn.

Hey it might not be in the speculated script, but well, almost lah.. =X Okok my bad.. =P Anyway, welcome to the free world of carefree. Embrace it and enjoy it while u can, coz it will not last long.. Soon, in the near future, u will be repeating history.. =X Anyway, that's the cycle of life. What goes around comes back around. The water surely flow to the sea.. =)

8th August 2007, a day not supposed to be an enjoyable day, a day not supposed to be happy at all. In the end, all's well. Went Amber to find Carol with david and kelvin and meeting adam there in a while. It's kinda boring for everyone initially and no one knows what is the weather inside me.. Haha.. In the end, I had to disturb ppl to keep myself occupied and entertained to avoid getting dead drunk..

Kept disturbing carol coz she kept rubbing her already turning red left eye due to the irritation from her contacts.. Even offered to "blow" for her.. Lolx.. That meant to be a prank.. =P Ended up I had to scare her by attempting to shoot her hand with my fingers.. =X Suddenly she asked abt my sis and wanted her number.. =.= Then got disturbed by me saying she so fast want to get to know my family member already.. Lolx.. Kinda hilarious looking at her shy and tipsy look. Haha..

"And your name is?"

"Phoebe.."

"Freebies??"

"No.. It's Phoebe.."

"Phoebia??"

"No.. Phoebe, P-H-O-E-B-E"

"Oh ok. I'm weixing."

"Er? Don't you have a christian name or something?"

"I don't use fake names." *wink*

Conversations of cheeky weixing with a tall lady at Amber.. =.= Despite her rather elegant and guai-looking-OL, she was quite good at pool.. Looks are deceptive indeed.. Haha.. Quite a good game, only once though..

That david, wanted to act anti-social yet in the end also getting outgoing with gals.. =.= That kel kept saying the ah lian waitress in black is cute and even asked him to play pool with her.. In the end also din get number.. =.= Aiyo muz everyone wait for me..? Seriously, though i'm already a bo-chap guy towards such, but I know myself that i'm a threat to all guys.. Some things dun have to wait, cannot hesitate de.. Really..

Hmmm, my tongue seems to be working only when under the influenced of alcohol.. =.= that's not very good.. Haha.. =X

Think david finally gets to see a different me. I'm totally different from who I am when i'm in the army.. The frozen xing is no longer the frozen xing. =) Juz like how kelvin labelled me as a super flirt ever since I started cheong-ing with them.. =.= Please leh.. Haiz.. Even yuxiang also labelled me.. Zzzzz.. That means I shld play along? Lolx.. Cheeky and playful as I can be, or even more than the past, I swear I will let no one to dig it out. =)

Found that nowadays I love drinking on-the-rock.. Chivas is much lighter than martell but less smoothing though.. Never get to really taste the different in the past.. Kelvin said i'm a good drinker, actually i'm a great conceal-ler..

If facing an ugly gal, u dun even have the confidence, forget abt getting the desired chio-bu. Enyouth seriously drilled me a lot by giving me hell lots of mental torturing and sufferings and insults.. If these dun pay me off in my performances, I as well die.. Haha.. Ain't possible lah.. But currently priority is still clearing bills and debts. Very soon I guess coz things are going very smoothly the way I wanted it to be. =)

Love? I had forgotten what was that. Lolx.. It's nothing but troubles. Haha.. Enjoy the bliss, enjoy the suffering. There's no need to whine. It's free-play. Life's juz like a game, life's juz like Nike, juz do it. =)

Someone juz read this piece of article before I post it..... Anyway, there's nothing to hide. =) You know where to find this piece of article as usual. Sure u did not forget my habit.. Haha..

Carol's bday is coming.. =.= seriously dunno what present to get her.. Told her that will bring her to movie then to shopping for one present then to dinner then at night bring her go her long awaited ST.James(coz she's underage, she said so..) to either dragonfly or powerhouse.. Full day celebration sia.. =.= But she said she wanted to go work that night, then said that no need all these, juz give her flowers can liao.. I was quite stunned.. Was rather amused at her request.. =) Shall see how it goes..

The beginning of a new beginning

Gratitude, sympathy, concern, chance, and ultimately, Guilt. If u think that by showering me with great stuffs can bury the begone, u are wrong.. At least u know jolly-well I should be treated this way. Becoz these are what I deserved, these are what u owed me, these are the good returns for bad returns. I blamed it on my fate and my life. I treated it as as if I owed u too much in my previous life.. Let begone be begone, my usual style, but not to be forgotten. I will never ever forgive any ungratefulness.. Well, I might not revenge, that's all I can say for now..

Damn it, my cheque book & ATM had arrived but where's my card? How come my application is not yet even being process? Wtf they doing sia.. I'll give them one more chance, one more wk. Slowpokes.

If seriously all u wanted is juz a status, I can juz give it to u.. Dun blame me for not being commiting enough. Like i've mentioned, i'm a very anything guy. Unless u are really super duper ugly and disgusting lah in terms of looks/character. If u happened to fall onto that category, I dun even wan to waste a single time to talk to u.

Now I understand what's the meaning of working so little OTs.. Benchmarked at 120hrs per mth.. Omg.. =.= those are not human... But I think I might be able to hit 130hrs this mth..... =.= I'm afterall a living dead..

I'm still easily being influenced when it comes to interests... Pool and ktv and club still get me moving. Lolx.. I simply can't resist those..

Since that fateful day, I felt that I ought to have a Christian name.. =.= Derrick sux.. oops! =X =P But this name never gets off my mind. Instead of the actual, I shall use short-form I guess. =) That will be Rick. Ok I shall intro myself as Rick from now onwards.. =D