//...the gloomy night of life...\\

29 January, 2010

I may not know ur little movements, i may not know how to be ti tie to send u up to ur doorstep without fail, i may not know how to read ur mind without u saying so, i may not know how to open my car door for u, i may not know what u really like to eat and what u dun like to eat, but well becoz i'm not you.. Since i hated myself all along, i would not try to think of u as myself.. I would not go after u juz like how i would give up when i felt i got the chance.. I would rather run away than to even 'try'.. Ex-bitch hated that word 'try' when i said it.. Well, i never wanted to try anything.. Once decided, i would want it for eternity till impossible.. Side dishes aren't essential and i always dun want side dishes coz all along i knew that Starter & Main Course & Desert are all i needed. I dun need additional colours nor special toppings.. Haha.. I'm juz traditional. I'm sorry for not being myself.. I always believe in letting go.. One of them is married and blissfully living. Another is also married with next gen though 'cracked' but i still believe in her abandoning me for a good reason. The other is still single but well, i can feel the happiness in them. =) Running away is not a choice and everyone knows that running away is painful as well.. It's an option to learn to be stronger not to fall back..

Many asked me if i'm already attached.. Lolx.. Reality is cruelty. Virtuality is beautiful. What's fake and what's real? I myself do not know the answer and how am i gonna give an answer..? I only yearn for time. I may be juz a temp or she may be juz a temp.. Mere words and sound.. Karen Sia, what do u think i shld do...? You would be the only one in my life who would understand me the best in my current situation now...

So many things seems to be coming to my mind juz becoz time is little.. Lolx.. I'm such a bad boy all along... Regretting is not the way out but think for the future is the way out no matter what the future may brings.. One don't focus on the 'problems' to solve the problems but focus on the 'solutions' to solve the problems..

Watched 下一站，幸福 till ep 6.. Well, why her hairstyle so like her.. Eyes not so big only but also the demure type, shy type.. Nabeiz.. =.=" She really becoz of him and his condition then gave up..? That would mean i selfishly trying to 'own' her when everyone dissuade me to leave her then she cannot breathe and run away alone.. Even when talking to me is so damn strong and firm on the last day.. =.=" I would not forget her everything..

Rick ~ 3:38:00 AM