Really shld not have.. Pain pain pain.. Now listening to 我的回忆不是我的 while i type this entry. NABEIZ..
Juz finished my ep 11 of HPTX.. Super ouch.. Fark man.. The inability to get the actual answer or izzit it's already the actual answer..? A knot that forever left a secret, forever unable to reveal..
The memories.. The moments.. The joy and sorrow.. So, am i juz a life buoy or izzit becoz particular reason juz to protect me..? Again...? Not again...? For my own good...? Izzit really good to me.. Is that really what goddamn good i always wanted..?
Ever since that day i had forbid myself to recall, to think, to ponder for.. Ever since that drunken day.. Thot the other day at martin even though freaking drunk and my forbidden still strong enuff to stop it...? THEN WHAT THE FARK AM I FEELING INSIDE RIGHT NOW..?!
I always controlled myself not really post watever fark shit juz becoz there are ppl around who surely got influenced by my emotions.. I only wanna share fun things, happy moments, craps and stupid things.. But this time i really can't stop myself liao.. Beyond control.. Raining already.. Thot all had been begone..?
Trying hard to try harder but it juz doesn't seems to wanna go away.. Pain.. She did not left entirely... Unable to.. Or maybe i still dun wan her to leave juz yet without undoing that knot.. I can only drive past there, drive around where she stays.. Tried my chance to get her to come on the 26th... But seems failed miserably.. Total lost like in the wide ocean..........
I already dunno how to use life buoy.. I wanna struggle all this thru myself.. Even though i might get drown but doesn't matter.. Had drown so many times anyway... In fact i dread of care and concern.. So, please dun ask me wat's wrong.. It's not my type to go around telling ppl full details.. Even if asked, merely bits and pieces.. So wat's the point..
Damn my eyes are tired already.. Argh...
Nevermind, when i sign-out from here, i'll be back the mischievous and irritating Rick/Xing.. Anyway no friends had truly called me by my right name.. Coz this is what i wanted them to call me...
"我叫伟兴”
“哦，伟兴啊”
“你叫我伟星就好了”
“好啊，伟星。可是为设么不让我叫你伟兴呢？”
“习惯了，呵呵”
“小猪宝宝。我在我的电话簿改了！呵！ =P”
To face memories is so freaking difficult! NABEIZ! Shit lah.. Tml how to go work sia... haha.. hahaha... lolx.. rofl.. rofl.. lmao.. roflmao...
I shld not carry on that show.. Neither for the rest of any shows.. Neither for any gals.. Full focus on my game and work. Waste time waste water.
Omg i'm hungry.. And.. I felt like going ECP eat.. Alone of coz.. I wun allow the sober me in this state to be shown. Never.. If drunk then maybe bo bian lor.. HAHaha.h.ah..aa...ha..a.a.aa.
Sometimes not that i do not wanna go after another.. No point deceiving myself going for another.. Maybe i shld really stick on to my plan and order a wife sua lah.... 1yr and 2mths left liao.. Even though we are over but i'm still counting... Maybe this is my only timeline bah.. The only timeline that i really live for..
Dun feel like staying at home now.. Really feel like running out now but i'm so tired already.. Maybe tml nite bah.. Need some silence to relax... By the sea? Or by shall i by the cliff? Shld i bring our tent to the beach? Or behind vivo where the 1st affection occurs? I still yearn for that shy face... darn..
Tired liao.. Need rest le..
