Stumbled on a blog on a trip reminds me of an incident with a friend.. =.="

The conversation goes like this....
Wah i really need to take a break! I want to go Taiwan!
I also want to go!!
Huh...?
I want!!
=.= Hmmmmm.....
Come on..
Well, i will not book 2 rooms de wor.. *giggle in mischief*
Okie!
Well, i dun like to slp on single bed de wor...
Okie!!
=.="

Though i did not really bring her go but she's kind of naive.. =.=" Same age as me. ZzZzZzZz.. And she's juz a friend to me.. Well, juz one of the few gals that i actually bring to hang out with my group of best friends.. Though only once during ktv session.. My besty knew i will not anyhow bring friend along especially gals lol.. I think so far only a handful.. My ex Shan, friend Celena, friend Dawn, friend Ruyou, friend Xuehui & friend Joy. Well, my this group is the longest group alive coz it consists of only my primary school friends, some with spouse.

But as it goes, smaller and smaller it gets.. One after another getting more and more tired in maintaining the circle.. Celebrating one another bday as time comes.. Meeting up here and there for food or leisure.. Everyone got their own lifestyle and things to do.. Everyone can be busy.. It's juz about whether to put in effort to make things work or not.. It doesn't juz take one hand to clap.. Jiang Shan doesn't build up in a day.. It takes 108 ppl effort to make it happen.. Being a leader is tough i know.. But as a support there's nothing i can do to help her.. Helpless seeing and hearing her crying over bitterness and yet nothing can be done to make the group strong and bond like before.. Age goes up and everything can change as time passes by.. Reality is cruel but yet we still have to stand to face and accept rather than to try to change.. Jocelyn left with her bf.. Now Jinlun with his gf.. With JL not around, Jianhao also not joining.. Only left Jasmine, Wendy, Yuxiang and me.. Jasmine is married and yet she's still do organising for events.. Wendy is soon to ring the bell as well, heard they are looking for flat already.. Yuxiang still same as before.. Having no confidence due to the last incidence.. 5yrs, wat to do.. Me too hectic from my work and quite occupy at times with my game if not occasional pubbing for pools. Yeah i'm still a sucker for pool lol.. Wow that time i actually won 5 rounds in a row! >.<

Anyway, me yx and jas had been toking abt the situation.. Yea it's getting smaller now.. Everyone is like so busy.. As for me, can't blame me due to my work but of coz i do compromise if i really can.. Juz like that time i having PCshow so unable to go for majong at Jas's place... I wonder if that day i were to be there, things wun get that sour and bitter.. Haiz.. Sad.. All good things always come to an end..

1st time she was crying.. The only different is the other one i was there after that though not lending any shoulder but ears whereas this one was only lending ears thru the phone.. The other one i accompanied her till 7am, this one till 2am.. The other one i was single at that time, this one i was attached. Nonetheless, it still pain to see friends in pain.. Their sorrow are my sorrows.. =.=" There's no sorrow without happiness and there's no happiness without sorrow. All are part and parcel of life.. Juz like how living things eventually went on to the afterlife while the remains back to the earth.. Sad.. One door closes, the other opens.. The door opens, the other closes.. Never ending shits. We are really born to suffer aren't we not..? And yet we had to survive everyday juz like how african had to do to suvive.. Tragic as it can be, but that's life..

"Everyone can give up on u, but there's no way u can give up on urself. Juz like me, myself and i. When there's nothing but darkness around, i'm the only one who can bring myself up and be me again.."

That's a phrase that's in my head where no one ever told me the real morale of the "me, myself and i". No one truely understand why they are using it and how it really came from.. Anyway, that's MY LOGIC, which i've never said before. Juz like how a person understand the meaning of "me, myself and i", he/she assumed he/she will simply gets the meaning.. In fact, it's simple in complicated pyschology. U think u know, maybe not. U think u dunno, maybe yes. There's no right or wrong, juz move on coz planet earth doesn't stop juz for anyone..

If July 2009 were to be the last mth i gonna live, i would live as it is while it still last.. I will not fly off to another other safe spot, nor will i run away.. Everything had a start, got an end.. I dun wish for anyone beside on the day of ragnarok nor do yearn for any. I juz wish for eternal serenity. Was it a lie to panic the world? Or was it a prank to pull people's leg? Well, doesn't matter to me.. Even if i live on pass Aug 2009, who knows in 30-40yrs time? Juz come early and end my misery coz living itself is a misery.. But i can't juz end it anyhow.. For my family, for my love, for my dog, for my work, for my colleagues, my customers, for my relatives, for my besty, for my friends. I still have to play my part as Rick, as Weixing, as ahboy..

Some time back had already differenate the two. Both are entirely different. Juz somehow a bit nostalgic here and there.. But that will only brings back melancholy bad memories of my past.. I seek nothing of that since i'm already hitched(for now).. There's no desire at all but a nut that never understood wat felt inside.. =.=" J said i'm still the same as before that cling on the cliff and forever never says die till the day cliff says "please die". Well, that's me in the 1st place..

When he said he love u, the more u cried and hate urself.. I dun understand.....

When he never said "i love u", the more u yearn and wish for it.. I can understand.....

When i said "i love u", she replied "me too", the more uneasy i felt and wish for more.. I dun understand.....

What the hell is wrong among these situations.. Human are indeed unpredictable creatures with so many hell unlogical emotions. =.=" Juz like how i reject, juz u are a nice gal and i'm not ur standard. Any guys will cursed and swore at me for that. But, at that time how i yearn to tell her those actual words that are stucked in the throat.. =.="

Some things always the most beautiful when not being able to obtain.
Becoz of this sentence, the one rather choose the uncle.. Maybe she's right abt it..

All these ain't random but from bottom.. Like i said before, it's not everyone in my phonebook i would simply juz go find them juz to accompany them juz becoz they are sad or happy or lonely. I'm not a 'thing', nor am i an 'item'. If one doesn't hold any 'weight' in me, i rather choose my game or slumber. The 'weight' is not juz any 'weight'..

And btw, i'm not chim... I'm born Aquarius, water of mystery.. So, it's kinda normal.. =)