It's like 4.17am NOW and i had to wakey at 7am later! Damn! Tired! Juz now had a little chat with her and made her gan jiong liao coz machiam i had found out something fishy. After the chat, i still go out and buy her the phonecard... Back home msg her the code and pw.. Awhile later she called back.. Nothing much to say. Nothing much to explain coz nothing goes in.. Went into my QQ blog and type so much in there... All in chinese yes.. Knn now is like machiam everything is my fault. My fault in getting jealous izzit? WTF. Wat the farking world had come to? None of the gals can be trusted. Yes now i meant NONE. All have to be for FUN only. Damn.
In fact, i'm not really getting much worked up. Juz maybe the words i said were quite harsh. Well, not really pissed. Maybe i'm juz finding fault. Finding fault to force myself let go. Finding fault to make her useless and worthless in me. Finding fault to end these. Maybe i'm juz selfish but well, that's me. Take it or leave it. All along my temper was no good at all. So many yrs liao.. Occasionally of coz still will erupt lah.
Jason said i've fallen into the trap again. Girls only mah, scared no have meh? I'm juz lazy.. Build up, stablised, collapsed. Again and again and again. Even Keith also same prob.. So he's back into smoking.. No more commitments so he buy what he want to buy now and do what he used to not do when hitched.. Knn am i going back to my shadow again? Where's my life buoy? I had no one to turn to. Unlike last time liao... Got celena, got carisa, got xuehui, got shan, got jenny, got huiwen, got connie, got dawn. Even Erica is my life buoy even though she only accompany me watch movie.. I know there are some that i din mentioned or missed out. But what's the point of having so many when i dun have one that i can really talk to? When facing them be it in person or on the fone or on sms or in msn, nothing comes out of me.. That's why this blog is still alive and its still opened to public.. Unspoken words that are stucked inside are out in here...
Advices here and there been on going since dunno how many months ago.. Nothing heed. Nothing done. No future? Doesn't give a damn. Two-time? Wastage of time and money, somemore that's not my cup of tea. I'm bad at two-timing. Find FL and release stress? Cure for the time being but not entirely cured. I can go thai/viet with the guys, i can go disco with the guys, i can go pubs with the gang, it's only curing for the time being..
Look for Cyndi, Wendy, Xiaoling, Pamela, Ella? Frankly i will only consider Wendy.. Not our Epson promotor, it's one of the waitress. But who knows, maybe in 1yr 9mths time she's not the intended wife? Anyway, a wife is juz a part and parcel of life. So long she can start my next gen, i dun give a damn. That's what a wife is for, IMO. There's no such thing as love... Love is not blind, i am blind.
