Tonight gonna sidetrack a bit. The post was already ready but instead i will like to blog a bit of myself tonight, almost lost myself..

Not enuff slp made me mentally unstable. That's not all. Finally gotten my angpow from my company today and found that it's only $12.00. Freak out by that. That farker kept calling me and told me to buy him beer. Told him so many hundreds of time and yet kept saying the same thing over and over again. Lived until 50+ still dunno how to think. Farker dunno live so long for what. Thought that at least i've got one thing that i had and could calm myself even though the whole whole world is falling, yet another arise.

What the hell is going on today? Am i supposed to go berserk today? Am i supposed to go haywire today? It's so hard to suppress self till almost broke down.. I really dun understand what's going on. And even after settling the problem, reached home another problem arises. Freaking dunno wat's wrong with him. Dun understand simple english nevermind, still dunno how to see the weather. Fark sia dun wan eat means dun wan eat lah, wat's the farking big deal with wastage of food. I've been trying so hard to control myself and yet wat's the freaking point.. Maybe i shld learn how to let go and loose control.. Really very tired of living... No glimpse of light at all? Am i really ready to end it all? Is it the end already? What is this shagness that i'm feeling it. And best of all, my freaking firefox's bookmarks all gone. God damn it.

Weixing: Wat is going on..? I'm really feeling very tired..
Angel: Dun worry, u are just tired..
Devil: No, u are just tired of ur life.
W: Well, i'm really tired..
A: Go take a rest now..
W: I'm not that kind of the tired.. Not sleepy at all..
D: Yes i can feel ur tiredness. I can feel u warm inside.
W: Ya, indeed..
A: Cool it, thought u had already taken a cold bath?
W: Yup it works a little..
D: Is that really wat u wanted?
W: I dunno..
A: U are doing fine, dun think so much.
W: I can't help it..
D: Ya so many things are bothering u. U can really dun think?
W: I wish i can.. I thought of drinking today but i can't. Firstly, i've promised someone i will not drink without any permission. Secondly, drinking will not solve but will make me think even more...
D: Excuses.
W: Really..
A: U are doing fine, drinking will not solve everything and in the state u are in now it will only make things worse..
W: Ya, that's true..
D: Not true at all. It's all ur excuses. U just wanna run away. Coward.
W: Maybe.. I thought that's the best thing to do..?
D: U really think that u can sleep with all those things running in ur head? U can bluff everyone but u can't bluff urself. U know wat i mean.
A: Dun listen to that.. Just follow ur heart..
W: I dunno.. I'm so confused now..
D: Confused? Ask then. Seek the answer to ur doubts!
W: I dunno wat u are toking abt..
D: Stop lying to urself. Both u and i know.
A: Forget abt it.. U dun even wish to know so wat's the point of asking? Everything had come to such a state and u still wanna probe? So wat u gotten the answer? Will u be truly satisfied?
D: Well, ya. U had come to such a state so wat's there not to be known? Wat's there not to be said? Just go ahead.
W: Both of u got ur point but i'm just in a dilemma in what i shld do..
D: No need to be that. Just ask. U forgot what u've learnt? Anything that doesn't kill u will make u stronger.
W: Hmmm?
D: Hmmm wat? U are always like that. No wonder u are so freaking useless. Forever useless.
W: Yes i'm useless..
A: No u are not useless at all. U just dun wanna pick a fight. Well, u just dun wanna find troubles..
W: Ya, i did felt that way..
D: Rubbish! U yearn to know the truth and i know that.
W: No, not that..
D: Yes u are. If not why u kept thinking abt him?
W: Well, he was being racked up.. Not as if i wanna think abt him..
D: Dun lie. I know u are a person who bear grudges though u always dun say. I did not forget how u hated ur 3rd auntie's husband who slapped u. I believe u will burst up if he were to step on ur tail again.
W: That was in the past.. Yes i admit i still hated him though it had been more than a decade since that incident.. But i'm still staying calm whenever i see him...
A: Ya, u are indeed a very forgiving person.. So just forget abt it..
W: I can forgive but i can't forget. Let the car hit me right on my head and make me lose my memory. Only with that then i can forget it.
D: Yup that's right. Fight for ur rights. To hell with the righteous. No point being a nice person, it's so tough to be nice and yet no one will appreciate that. Wastage of energy only.
W: Well, that's true..
A: Dun listen to that.. U know how good it is to be good. No one likes a bad egg..
D: Haha! Carry on and be bullied then, weakling!
W: I'm not a weakling.. I'm just not used to be bad..
D: U freaking dun lie, u are once a bad person. What's the freaking big deal? And that time u enjoyed being a bad guy, i dun believe u forgotten all the thrills.
W: Well, that's true but....
A: Have u also forgotten how u are being outcast by everyone..?
W: Ya.. Pain... I wun forget the pain..
D: Yes, painful right? So, wat's the point in being good? Coz being good is much more painful. U know that urself!
W: I dunno.. I really dunno if i can take it anymore..
D: Then dun waste ur effect suppressing it. Bottled up too much and once it burst, it would be worst and it might even be the end of you. Think abt it.
A: No, all's well. No need to think so much..
W: I really dunno.. Pls leave me alone.. Let my mind rest..
D: U really can rest meh? Do u really enjoy torturing urself?
W: Stop it.. I dun wanna listen anymore.. Just leave my mind and leave me alone.. I just wanna be alone for now.. Go away..
A: Okok u rest well, tml the sun will still shine on u..
D: Just think abt wat i told u. Think hard, dun be such useless ass.

Signal lost...............................................................................................