Who knows Winjean? A gal whom i chase for ages and ages but to vain.. This gal was my friend's friend whom he gotten her hp on the streets. He tried wooing her but fail so he pass to me her contact. Chatting to her was fun. She's very chatty and happy-go-lucky. Machiam no temper at all.. Her voice is sweet and smoothing. Any guys who heard her will really melt.. haha.. She looks pretty yet cute. Good figure and petite-looking. Any guys would love her whoever sees her.. We started out fine as friends. After some time, i intend to give it a shot but i failed. However, i dun wanna give up. So, we still stay in contact. Then once, i heard that she loved one of the song sung by an unknown artist.. His name is two words de.. I heard that song too but really duno who that singer is.. My friend knows who is it but he dun wanna tell me. So, i'm left all by myself. I went searching for the album and test out those songs.. Searching high and low at Tower Records and HMVs. Both also dun have.. One big prob is that that singer is not popular at all. Somemore, that album is his 1st album and also an old album.. And the worst thing is, he dun reveal how he look like.. Darn.. Not much clue, how to find sia.. Searching for quite some time liao, there's once i came across this normal small music shop.. I went in and give it a try.. Saw this album which is blue in colour.. I look at the back and go thru the songs titles.. I request for a try of this album. However, the salesgirl says this is a pretty old album and the songs aren't very nice. Thinking back, since it's opened, it's worth a try. So, i play the cd and directly played the song i find suspicious.. Bingo, i got it. hahaha.. Lady luck is smilling at me. ^^ I bought that cd and pass it to winjean. She was happy. So am i.. haha.. Can't really rmb the rest i did for her.. Anyway, these drag on for years and i finally gave up..
Who knows abt Karen? She was my ex.. We've been together for abt 8-10mths.. That's before i enter NS.. I knew her on the net in IRC that time. I used to frequent a lot in IRC in #SP. Coz i'm studying there as well. After toking to Karen that time, i learnt that she's in electrical engineering. Same engineering blocks but seriously i've got no idea which is her.. lolx.. I request a pic from her she also say she dun have a scanner.. Haiz.. Wanna meet her up but was declined.. *sob* Known her for quite some time liao i came across another gal who lives at Pasir Ris.. Met her a few times and we got together.. Every morning i would take the 1st train to Pasir Ris then a cab to her place and picked her up then send her to her school then i go back to SP for my lessons.. Some thot that i'm mad or wat.. But in my mind is that, i wanted to cheerish everyday together with my love one.. No matter how hard it gonna be for me.. Each day i will treat it as my last day.. However, things do not work out fine. We splited after abt 2wks.. Haiz.. Yeah, ever since then, i'm not that 'sticky' anymore.. Karen and me become more and more close.. Juz like closest friends.. By then i've quitted Poly and went to Sim Lim Sq and work.. She started her attachments.. Both of us are working but still able to find time to sms each other..
Then suddenly, there's once i asked her..
"Do u want to be with me..?"
"Erm.. i'm not sure.."
"Then how..?"
"I ask u 1st.. Do u want to be my bf or Pillar-Support?"
"Huh? got diff meh?"
"Got.. I will rely more on my Pillar-Support rather than my bf..."
"Oh.. I will wish to be both lor.."
"No u can't.. u can only choose one.."
In the end, i got her as my gf.. There's only one thing i said "I'll be your 1st and best.." I thot things might be better for me.. In fact, my nightmares have yet to come.. I have not seen her before and i asked for her hand.. I have not seen her and i got into the love-web.. I have not seen her and i put in all my heart into it.. After some time, i realised that she dun wan to meet me at all.. We are juz "cyber"... I tried my best to ask her out but fail.. Haha.. I was enlisting on 12th Dec and her bday falls on 7th Dec.. I feel that my chances to move her is coming.. Her family was not rich and she was working part-time and studying at the same time.. Tough on her.. Same goes for me... I knew that she long wanted a new hp.. But dun wanna buy it.. Couldn't bear to buy it.. She wanted a Nokia 7250, that time it was the most hype hp in the market.. i Knew she wanted it before i started out with her.. So, my planning came.. I got her address with a lot of efforts put in.. I bought that brand new hp.. I used up a mth time and effort in creating a CD with special efforts juz for her. I used wat i learnt from work and design that thing for her.. When the day came, i packed everything together and asked the post to come and collect the parcel and delivery it to her house on that faithful day. Her bday.. I succeed in moving her but still can't get her to meet me.. On Vday the nx yr, i use my peanut-pay from NS and got her a rice-pendant with both our name in it. This time i went to her place myself and drop it in her letterbox.. Still, unable to get her to come out..
I'm really tired.. I know i'm not good-looking. I know our relationship might turn sour when we meet. I know all these bad things and i'm well-prepared for it.. I know i might lose her if i were to meet her.. Wat i'm thinking is "If u love her, u'll need to let go.. If she comes back, she's yours. If she dun, let it be. Give her ur blessing to the next guy.." I'm really prepared for anything.. Wat i need is juz a chance.. Waiting in vain had tire me out.. Emotionally tired.. In the end, i told i can't take it anymore.. So we call it quits.. At 1st, she was really very reluctant to do so.. But after that she still agree.. "Cyber" wun get us anywhere.. She shld find a better guy.. it's time she move on.. That's wat i think.. So, we broke up.. However, that's not the end of everything.. There's still msg like 'hug' and 'kisses' every now and then.. Though broke up, the feelings are not dissolved.. Then i tried again to ask her out.. But still fail.. In spite of anger, i spilled out a hateful phrase.. "Forget abt me.. Dun ever find me again.. Be it online or offline.. Treat that i've never exist.." These words bite.. Really hurt her fully.. She called back immediately but i reject the call. I was in the bus that time.. She called a few times but i never pick up any.. It was raining though it was sunny outside.. Wat i am trying to do is to cease everything once and for all.. "Painful once and for all rather than dragging this on and on forever.." I knew it.. She hate me for wat i've done.. She hate me for wat i did to her.. She hate me for wat i've said.. She hate me for coming into her life.. She hate me for breaking those promises.. But there's definitely one thing she doesn't know.. I hate myself for wat i've done.. I hate myself for wat i did to her.. I hate myself for wat i've said.. I hate myself for coming into her life.. I hate myself for breaking those promises... (darn it.. i'm listening to Jay's sad songs rite now.. I hope i can still hang on..)
After some time, i felt that i'm really in the wrong.. I wanted to apologise to her. For all i've done.. But i was unable to contact her.. Sms her but got no reply.. In msn, she was not online.. Email her but got no reply.. Went her place to try wait for her but can't meet her. (i promised i will never go up to her place unless she say so.. and i dun wanna break another promise..) So, i waited at her place downstairs for duno waiting for who coz i've never met her... I got no idea how she looks like.. There's nothing i can do.. And i felt so miserable.. So, i locked my heart up.. I wun open up until she accept my apology and had found a new guy..
At the moment, there was this gal who started noticing me.. Pardon me for not revealing who this person is.. I do not wish ANYONE to know who she is.. Most of all, i DUN want HER to know this... There was this time we got a chalet.. Then at nite she said she wanted to go to the market to buy food. She dun wan her bf to go with her. Nor my the other two friends who were as close to her as i am.. On the way there, she suddenly shoot me a question.. "Will you woo me if i'm not attached..?" I was stunned for a moment but in a split second i ans back "Nope." Due to my quick reaction, she knows i will not like her.. After some time, she broke off with her bf.. Coz her bf is two-timing her.. i Shall not say somemore on this situation coz some would have guess who the gal is.. She cried hard and everyday.. I'm not the 1st person she tok to but the last person.. She was depressed.. everyday tok on the fone i could hear her cry and cry and cry.. everyday.. Nothing i can do but to lend a listening-ear.. I wanted to take out that guy and give him a real good time having pain all over.. But in the end i din, coz as time goes by, her wounds are partly healed.. Then she joke with me, "Nevermind. Now got a lot of ppl in my waiting-list! Hehe! Even ur 2 friends are in my list! =P Want me in it? I can consider.. hehe.." Immediately i replied "nope" again.. It's not that i dun wan to.. It's not that i dun wish to.. Several reasons here.. Firstly, i'm a bad guy while she is a decent lady.. Secondly, i've sealed up my heart.. Thirdly, i dun wish to be a sub.. Well, "Friends are forever, relationships might not be.. At least i'm not sure.." I dun wish to lose this very good friend of mine.. Never ever..
Then the nx gal who comes into my life is Celana.. The angel who freed me from my cage.. I've posted me and her before so i dun wish to repeat it again.. Unless Cel wants to. Haha..
Sometimes, i really find life boring.. When i treat a gal good, she thinks of motives.. Then when i dun treat her that good anymore, she thinks there's another gal in my life took me.. Gals are so hard to please.. I can treat her good no matter whether she's attach or not.. Two examples are Celena and Carisa.. Carisa is my best friend's gf. I love going clubbing, so is she and her groups.. But my best friend doesn't like those places. So, i'll have to take care of her for him. When playing guessing games, i will have to drink for her if she lose.. Need to take care of her from others when on the dance-floor coz of some ppl.. These two can treat me as normal so i feel comfortable with them. Unlike the few of them.. One of them is that, the more i treat her good, the more she shy aways.. Frankly speaking, if she really minds so much then forget it.. I always get her animes and comics. Borrowed from my friend and went all the way to Bedok and pass to her. When my friend chase me for those stuffs, i wun rush her for it.. At most i use my sis as an excuse and let him scold me.. Asking her out for a movie is like taking a piece of flesh outta her while she can go out with others.. Well, well, so be it. I couldn't care much.
Another gal is that she knows that i treat her good. I'm not expecting much though.. But one thing i hate is her actions. Simple little actions can get on my nerves.. For example, i meet her and her friend go market to eat. When we sit on the table, she sit next to me and her friend(whom i dunno well) sit next to her on the other side. Then i go order food. When i come back, she can switch seats and went over to the other side of her friend while i'm like sitting alone facing them.. I got virus ah? Darn. Same thing happens when we 3 go ktv, she can directly sit at the corner while her friend sit next to her. Haiz.. So tong ku for wat. Juz say so, i will still pay for everything then the two of them can go enjoy while i make my move. I see no reason why i shld stay on. Firstly, i was treated this way. Secondly, ever since i started listening to English songs, i've lost touch with all Chinese songs.. So i dun sing much.. Mainly i juz sit there and hear the 2 sing.. There was once i tok to her on the fone and found that she has not been eaten the whole.. No food at her bf's place and no cigarettes.. Me as a smoker, i know how it feel.. Me as a poor kid last time, i know wat is hunger.. So i went to buy her some food and a pack of cigarettes and took a cab to her bf's place. Oh ya, she's staying in her bf's place ever since they are together but her bf is not around for some reasons.. That time i went to pass her those things it's oredi passed midnite.. I got 2 bottles of vodka as well. My plan was to meet her, then find some place then she can eat while we chat.. But when i met her, she took the stuffs and go liao, giving some reasons.. Haiz.. Do i look like i will eat human? But anyway, i took those vodka and walk to a playground alone and start drinking and smoking.. Sitting there all alone in this quiet nite makes my mind run wild.. Have been reflecting why am i treating her so good.. Conclusion, out of pity.. I can treat a person so darn good even if i'm taken advantages.. Coz, in my dictionary, gals are born for guys to treat them good. I forgot where i found this philosophy.. But anyway, i've got bad habit.. When i wanted something and i can't get it, then after that it returns to me, i wun wan it.. Same goes for relationships.. That time i still planned on how to get a rented flat for her since she do not wish to go back home due to some family problems.. I even plan ahead everything.. How to work harder in order to have a better life.. But then, things do not go out smoothly so i trash the whole idea. I think she felt my cold shoulder.. But well, it's not becoz of another gal in-game to be blamed but herself. I can still treat her good but not as good anymore.. I'm not a spare tire. I'm not a money-tree. I'm not a punching-bag. i'm not a slave. Afterall, i'm a human. Made of flesh and blood. Nothing much to explain. I've seen thru liao. There's no possiblity we can be together. Nothing will work out. I'm not in for short-term. If u wanna play, there's tons of guys outside and inside. I dun wish to be like that also.. I'm forced to. He bi zhe me tong ku ne? Yi liao bai liao. Cang tong bu ru duan tong..
She did hint me something.. But i couldn't care less liao.. Though i myself can be painful to say some things but it's better that way.. I'm not in the mood for this.. Well, peeps.. i'm gonna go slp liao.. Tml still got a few things to settle.. Oyasuminasai.
"Oh.. I will wish to be both lor.."
"No u can't.. u can only choose one.."
In the end, i got her as my gf.. There's only one thing i said "I'll be your 1st and best.." I thot things might be better for me.. In fact, my nightmares have yet to come.. I have not seen her before and i asked for her hand.. I have not seen her and i got into the love-web.. I have not seen her and i put in all my heart into it.. After some time, i realised that she dun wan to meet me at all.. We are juz "cyber"... I tried my best to ask her out but fail.. Haha.. I was enlisting on 12th Dec and her bday falls on 7th Dec.. I feel that my chances to move her is coming.. Her family was not rich and she was working part-time and studying at the same time.. Tough on her.. Same goes for me... I knew that she long wanted a new hp.. But dun wanna buy it.. Couldn't bear to buy it.. She wanted a Nokia 7250, that time it was the most hype hp in the market.. i Knew she wanted it before i started out with her.. So, my planning came.. I got her address with a lot of efforts put in.. I bought that brand new hp.. I used up a mth time and effort in creating a CD with special efforts juz for her. I used wat i learnt from work and design that thing for her.. When the day came, i packed everything together and asked the post to come and collect the parcel and delivery it to her house on that faithful day. Her bday.. I succeed in moving her but still can't get her to meet me.. On Vday the nx yr, i use my peanut-pay from NS and got her a rice-pendant with both our name in it. This time i went to her place myself and drop it in her letterbox.. Still, unable to get her to come out..
I'm really tired.. I know i'm not good-looking. I know our relationship might turn sour when we meet. I know all these bad things and i'm well-prepared for it.. I know i might lose her if i were to meet her.. Wat i'm thinking is "If u love her, u'll need to let go.. If she comes back, she's yours. If she dun, let it be. Give her ur blessing to the next guy.." I'm really prepared for anything.. Wat i need is juz a chance.. Waiting in vain had tire me out.. Emotionally tired.. In the end, i told i can't take it anymore.. So we call it quits.. At 1st, she was really very reluctant to do so.. But after that she still agree.. "Cyber" wun get us anywhere.. She shld find a better guy.. it's time she move on.. That's wat i think.. So, we broke up.. However, that's not the end of everything.. There's still msg like 'hug' and 'kisses' every now and then.. Though broke up, the feelings are not dissolved.. Then i tried again to ask her out.. But still fail.. In spite of anger, i spilled out a hateful phrase.. "Forget abt me.. Dun ever find me again.. Be it online or offline.. Treat that i've never exist.." These words bite.. Really hurt her fully.. She called back immediately but i reject the call. I was in the bus that time.. She called a few times but i never pick up any.. It was raining though it was sunny outside.. Wat i am trying to do is to cease everything once and for all.. "Painful once and for all rather than dragging this on and on forever.." I knew it.. She hate me for wat i've done.. She hate me for wat i did to her.. She hate me for wat i've said.. She hate me for coming into her life.. She hate me for breaking those promises.. But there's definitely one thing she doesn't know.. I hate myself for wat i've done.. I hate myself for wat i did to her.. I hate myself for wat i've said.. I hate myself for coming into her life.. I hate myself for breaking those promises... (darn it.. i'm listening to Jay's sad songs rite now.. I hope i can still hang on..)
After some time, i felt that i'm really in the wrong.. I wanted to apologise to her. For all i've done.. But i was unable to contact her.. Sms her but got no reply.. In msn, she was not online.. Email her but got no reply.. Went her place to try wait for her but can't meet her. (i promised i will never go up to her place unless she say so.. and i dun wanna break another promise..) So, i waited at her place downstairs for duno waiting for who coz i've never met her... I got no idea how she looks like.. There's nothing i can do.. And i felt so miserable.. So, i locked my heart up.. I wun open up until she accept my apology and had found a new guy..
At the moment, there was this gal who started noticing me.. Pardon me for not revealing who this person is.. I do not wish ANYONE to know who she is.. Most of all, i DUN want HER to know this... There was this time we got a chalet.. Then at nite she said she wanted to go to the market to buy food. She dun wan her bf to go with her. Nor my the other two friends who were as close to her as i am.. On the way there, she suddenly shoot me a question.. "Will you woo me if i'm not attached..?" I was stunned for a moment but in a split second i ans back "Nope." Due to my quick reaction, she knows i will not like her.. After some time, she broke off with her bf.. Coz her bf is two-timing her.. i Shall not say somemore on this situation coz some would have guess who the gal is.. She cried hard and everyday.. I'm not the 1st person she tok to but the last person.. She was depressed.. everyday tok on the fone i could hear her cry and cry and cry.. everyday.. Nothing i can do but to lend a listening-ear.. I wanted to take out that guy and give him a real good time having pain all over.. But in the end i din, coz as time goes by, her wounds are partly healed.. Then she joke with me, "Nevermind. Now got a lot of ppl in my waiting-list! Hehe! Even ur 2 friends are in my list! =P Want me in it? I can consider.. hehe.." Immediately i replied "nope" again.. It's not that i dun wan to.. It's not that i dun wish to.. Several reasons here.. Firstly, i'm a bad guy while she is a decent lady.. Secondly, i've sealed up my heart.. Thirdly, i dun wish to be a sub.. Well, "Friends are forever, relationships might not be.. At least i'm not sure.." I dun wish to lose this very good friend of mine.. Never ever..
Then the nx gal who comes into my life is Celana.. The angel who freed me from my cage.. I've posted me and her before so i dun wish to repeat it again.. Unless Cel wants to. Haha..
Sometimes, i really find life boring.. When i treat a gal good, she thinks of motives.. Then when i dun treat her that good anymore, she thinks there's another gal in my life took me.. Gals are so hard to please.. I can treat her good no matter whether she's attach or not.. Two examples are Celena and Carisa.. Carisa is my best friend's gf. I love going clubbing, so is she and her groups.. But my best friend doesn't like those places. So, i'll have to take care of her for him. When playing guessing games, i will have to drink for her if she lose.. Need to take care of her from others when on the dance-floor coz of some ppl.. These two can treat me as normal so i feel comfortable with them. Unlike the few of them.. One of them is that, the more i treat her good, the more she shy aways.. Frankly speaking, if she really minds so much then forget it.. I always get her animes and comics. Borrowed from my friend and went all the way to Bedok and pass to her. When my friend chase me for those stuffs, i wun rush her for it.. At most i use my sis as an excuse and let him scold me.. Asking her out for a movie is like taking a piece of flesh outta her while she can go out with others.. Well, well, so be it. I couldn't care much.
Another gal is that she knows that i treat her good. I'm not expecting much though.. But one thing i hate is her actions. Simple little actions can get on my nerves.. For example, i meet her and her friend go market to eat. When we sit on the table, she sit next to me and her friend(whom i dunno well) sit next to her on the other side. Then i go order food. When i come back, she can switch seats and went over to the other side of her friend while i'm like sitting alone facing them.. I got virus ah? Darn. Same thing happens when we 3 go ktv, she can directly sit at the corner while her friend sit next to her. Haiz.. So tong ku for wat. Juz say so, i will still pay for everything then the two of them can go enjoy while i make my move. I see no reason why i shld stay on. Firstly, i was treated this way. Secondly, ever since i started listening to English songs, i've lost touch with all Chinese songs.. So i dun sing much.. Mainly i juz sit there and hear the 2 sing.. There was once i tok to her on the fone and found that she has not been eaten the whole.. No food at her bf's place and no cigarettes.. Me as a smoker, i know how it feel.. Me as a poor kid last time, i know wat is hunger.. So i went to buy her some food and a pack of cigarettes and took a cab to her bf's place. Oh ya, she's staying in her bf's place ever since they are together but her bf is not around for some reasons.. That time i went to pass her those things it's oredi passed midnite.. I got 2 bottles of vodka as well. My plan was to meet her, then find some place then she can eat while we chat.. But when i met her, she took the stuffs and go liao, giving some reasons.. Haiz.. Do i look like i will eat human? But anyway, i took those vodka and walk to a playground alone and start drinking and smoking.. Sitting there all alone in this quiet nite makes my mind run wild.. Have been reflecting why am i treating her so good.. Conclusion, out of pity.. I can treat a person so darn good even if i'm taken advantages.. Coz, in my dictionary, gals are born for guys to treat them good. I forgot where i found this philosophy.. But anyway, i've got bad habit.. When i wanted something and i can't get it, then after that it returns to me, i wun wan it.. Same goes for relationships.. That time i still planned on how to get a rented flat for her since she do not wish to go back home due to some family problems.. I even plan ahead everything.. How to work harder in order to have a better life.. But then, things do not go out smoothly so i trash the whole idea. I think she felt my cold shoulder.. But well, it's not becoz of another gal in-game to be blamed but herself. I can still treat her good but not as good anymore.. I'm not a spare tire. I'm not a money-tree. I'm not a punching-bag. i'm not a slave. Afterall, i'm a human. Made of flesh and blood. Nothing much to explain. I've seen thru liao. There's no possiblity we can be together. Nothing will work out. I'm not in for short-term. If u wanna play, there's tons of guys outside and inside. I dun wish to be like that also.. I'm forced to. He bi zhe me tong ku ne? Yi liao bai liao. Cang tong bu ru duan tong..
She did hint me something.. But i couldn't care less liao.. Though i myself can be painful to say some things but it's better that way.. I'm not in the mood for this.. Well, peeps.. i'm gonna go slp liao.. Tml still got a few things to settle.. Oyasuminasai.
