Juz read something from somewhere.. Somehow, kinda having mixed feeling abt this.. Haiz.. Dunno wat to say and how to handle.. =.= Anyway, leave that at the moment.. The more i think i abt it the more confused i get.

I used to be a damn guy who not worth living in this world wasting those rice and wheat.. Even though if i'm gone, no one would really care.. This is so-called "better off dead".. Dunno how.. I've started to feel that i'm suddenly needed in this world.. I suddenly feel that if i'm gone, there'll be a drastic change in certain ppl.. Especially my mom.. Afterall, i've started to can't bear to live this world.. There are things that i seems can't to put down..

Sometime i really dunno how the hell i can endure thru that 'special pain of hopelessness'.. Is that an eternal pain that's engraved into me ever since i'm born? Is that a retribution that's bestowed to me for wat i've done in my previous life? Unbearable and uncontrollable pain that cannot be solved in short time.. I guess i'll need at least another 10yrs before i can ease that pain.. It's a pain that no one can help me with.. Is a pain but cannot be describe with merely words.. Luckily it doesn't occur very often.. Sometimes once a wk; Sometimes once a month..

This is my last job i have to finish before i can finally release myself and do my own things.. It is also the final thing i had to settle before i can leave.. I do not wish to escape from reality neither do i wish to involve others.. It's better to be left unknown.. It's better not to know anything abt it..

These few nites i've been chatting with Erica.. I told her i intend to find another job.. Now i'm working almost full day plus a bit of sideline here and there.. I intend to get another job which hopefully it's at nite.. Then she told me not to tire-out myself, so i replied "Then u support me lor".. Hahaha.. Then she scold me asked me go die then i replied, "die? si le geng hao.. shen me dou bu you xiang le.." Then she ask me not to die.. =.= So hard to please.. haha.. But anyway, i wun give up so easily......at least i wun give up without trying..