Misery had once again falls on me.. I also dunno why but it juz come so naturally.. An unexplainable pain in the heart, mind and soul.. Which can even makes me no mood to drink, smoke and even see gals.. Is this what they so-called 'lonely'? Hmm.. I dun quite understand lonely as well.. Can anyone define 'lonely' to me..? From wat i feel, it's mainly becoz of the feel inside us.. Why do we feel 'lonely'? Izzit becoz we are alone? If u are born and there's no one at all, u will never feel 'lonely' coz u haven't experienced 'lonely'. 'Lonely' is not becoz u are alone, to be exact, 'lonely' is not becoz u lose someone but gotten someone.. Whatever u have not gotten it, u will never lose it becoz u never owned it, becoz losing it is painful thus lead to 'lonely'.. Well, how true it is. I do not know.

I found that even though there's 'trust' in a relationship, that doesn't mean u will have 100% trust.. There are still factors that can affect 'trust'.. Unfaithfulness, misunderstanding, self-confidence, etc. It's indeed not easy..

Currently i've not totally given up on myself. Seeing the past me is indeed kinda sad.. I'm short-sighted with abt 300+ degree on my right eye and 100+ degree on my left eye.. Despite that, i used to dun wear specs ever since i left my pri sch.. My vision was blurred always and i do not care(that is also the reason why even though i'm 80% drunk i can still find my way home..) Ever since i left my pri sch, i dun comb my hair anymore. Becoz my hair is short and curly. Combing is totally useless. Since my vision is blur and i can dun care, why shld i care abt how i look. That was me..in the past... Now ppl often ask me why i comb somehow center part while i'm not. That qn i do not know how or when. But i know wat i'm doing.. I used clay, mousse or gel to comb my hair straight everyday. I made a new pair of frameless glasses. All these i did are becoz of neat appearance. For my job mainly.. when i dun comb my hair, it's indeed a total mess.. Haha.. Well well, watever lah.. I've got one and a half wk more to my 'results'.. By then if ppl seeing me back to my old self, u would know that i've given up myself. In another word, given up everything.. Able to see clearly or not, i dun care. Able to hear good or bad things abt me, i dun care. Able to live for how long more, i dun care.. Anyway, i leave it to fate. For now, i shall carry on with my life as usual.. =)

Anyone rmb something that i've mentioned? "To be loved is easy, to love is easier, but to find someone u love and he/she love u is hard.." Well, in fact the hardest is 'to forget'.. I read this somewhere "It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone." How true.. I've yet to forget the one i 1st one that i held hands with, i've yet to forget the 1st one that i've kissed, i've yet to forget the 1st love, i've yet to forget the 1st one who makes me lost my tears.. All these are not forgotten but kept deep within. Wounds can heal and the scars can go away but the pain will always be remembered.. Be it happy or sad things, i've kept them with a smile.. "The greatest thing ever is to be able to get up whenever you fall, and get back to reality. Get on with life, never look back, never regret."

Now i know why there's no such thing as Telepathy.. I used to think that only Jasmine understand me well.. If now were to ask her abt me, she will get it all wrong.. For we have not been communicating for quite a long long time.. However, JL and YS are totally diff.. They can still get a bit right.. Haha.. Well, i'm not as mysterious as wat u all think.. Juz a lack of right topics in the process of communication.. Well, in army, "there's no command and control without communication". =)