Now i know it's hard to love. It wasn't as easy as what i've thought. Even though i was told to go on and find someone else. I dunno how. I dunno why. I juz can't.

I was meeting shan yesterday. It was a lazy sunday. The day was started with a majong session at JL's place. 2pm but i was kinda 'a bit' late.. =P So, who were there? JL, Wendy, me and a friend of JL(his camp-mate, i think). The game doesn't go smoothly for me(as expected). Once you think of it in a bad way, u kinda expected it. So when u win, you will be 10 times more happier. So when you lose, u will not feel that disappointed coz you had expected it to be. =) End of game i've lost almost all my chips.. lolx.. Tough luck day. =P Anyway, after the game, JL treated me to Sakae Sushi. O.O Though he was the only one winning, also win not much.. Treating me will have to dig out somemore from his own pocket to top-up.. sigh.. But then still got treated by him. Haha.. I eat until quite full though. Long time no eat jap food liao. After the dinner i went back home for a bath then proceed on to Jurong East IMM to pick up shan. I was late for abt 30min, i think.. =P paiseh lah.. hehe.. Then we go on to River Valley to have prata. Shan is power sia.. She ordered 4 egg pratas!! Hahaha.. I only ate one coz i'm still too full liao.. haha.. We chatted quite long and she order 2 more egg pratas for her family. When calling for bill, i paid most of it though.. Dun wan her to use her hard-earn money.

Ppl who do not know, thought that i've got a thing for her. Juz becoz she's cute? =.=" Nope. I did not. Juz dunno why, i have got no feel at all. I would have treated anyone the same.. Haiz.. I'm so unlike myself in the past.. That's why i say even though i wanted to, i also wun have any feeling..

A gal told me that best is to 'follow ur own heart'. However, 'following ur heart' will cause a lot of troubles.. So many problems, so many headaches, so many troubles.. That i agree.. "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To be loved by the one you love is everything". To me, it's almost an extreme.. Well, i've been thinking the whole day.. If she decided not to follow her heart, i will not too.. Thus, even though i were to be together with someone whom i had no feelings at all, i would still go on..

Wat is the main diff, if u ask? Being with 'the one', i would treat her all the best i can ever give. I would give 90% of my heart to her, any other gal will only get 1%. Being with 'not the one', i would treat everyone equally. Juz that the meeting with shan as an example. If i'm with 'the one', i will not go all the way to her workplace to meet her, i would simply meet her at Tiong Bahru MRT then bring her there since she do not know the place. If i'm with 'not the one', i will go all the way to her workplace to pick her up. Sigh.. Why am i saying all these..? Am i really giving up on myself rather than giving her up? I do not know. I dare not know.

What i know is, i will do wat i want no matter wat might comes. Be it gonna be 'following my heart' or 'aganst my wish'. That is all depending on how things gonna turn out.. Wat kind of hardships i've never been thru? Wat kind of pain i've never came across? None of these can be compared to seeing ur love being not happy with her life at all. For this, i'm willing to suffer together with her. Be it a short while or a lifetime. Unless miracles really exist and let me find another who is as good as her in me. So far, none. I say again, none.

One night, the star said to me. "If he/she makes you cry, why don't you leave her?" So, I look back at the star and said. "Star, would you ever leave your sky?"
To her: You think this is true and it applies to your life right? Well, it applies to mine too..

"Don't search for love, let love search for you, that is why its called falling in love, because you don't actually force yourself to love. You just fall... Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. There's a place in my heart that's yours alone. A place in my heart that no one can own. The tears in my eyes I can hide away, but the pain in my heart will always stay. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. A sad thing about life is that when you met someone that means a lot to you but only to find out in the end it was never bound to be and you just have to let it go. What is important is not how long we had been together, but we actually had it started. Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them. When a door of happiness closes. Another opens. But so often at times we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opening at us."

Sigh.. I need a drink to think better.. Bye bye.