So sick.. =.= Finally today gotten much better, maybe. Darn i dread of coughs, remind me of my lung infections.. >_< Anyway, been woozy these few days. I dun feel that i'm living, living without a conscious that i'm living. So hollow. lolx.

Many times i see that u wanted to give up but yet unbearable. Can't bear to part. No matter how he treated u, u still stand by him. Many times u wanted to give up but becoz u have yet to find the right one to catch u when u fall, u stand by him. Everything u do it for him, no matter it's an easy task or a difficult task. Though he doesn't show much appreciation, u still stand by him. Though many times u lied to him, mostly the nights, but u still stand by him. Many times he disappoint u with things that he does, u still stand by him. He is the only one who always let u see his back, u still stand by him no matter how hurtful that is. Many dun see that u are serious but i do. I can feel it inside u. I can feel the pain u are undergoing. I can feel the agony u are enduring. I can feel the sorrows u are withstanding. But nothing i can do to help or maybe i dun intend to help.. I've lost my wings so there's no way i can help. What i can do is merely support u with a mind. Mind with no actions ain't helping, i know.. But there's nothing much i can do.. U wanted me to spread my wings to soar but no matter how, no matter what, i just unable to.. I'm sorry. But i know that u will pull it thru becoz u are the one that i know u will. Tough on the outside, weak on the inside but i dun believe u are that weak on the inside.. Afterall 2yrs isn't a very long period.. U can do it. =) Be strong.

U dun show how sad u are everyday i sees u.. U look fine everyday i sees u.. Rarely we chat, but i know there must be something inside u left untold.. We never probe into each others problems but we do care for each other, often left not mentioned. In silence, we be there for each other morally. Despite those annoying two trying to control whatever we do/think. They simply dun understand us at all. No point letting them understand us anyway.. I really dun see the point.. I'm not being cruel coz i still give in to them and i tried controlling my temper every now and then.. Many times i flared up but it doesn't really worth it.. Well, this is our fate? We had to accept it.. Going out with me is indeed weird and boring eh..? lolx.. Sorry it's my bad.. I'm not like this usually.. Maybe it's becoz i'm still sick or maybe becoz of something else.. Next time i'll let u enjoy. Whenever u can't stand the naggings, let me know. I can bring u out. As u know i can't stand them too. Rebellious as we can be, we are who we are. =)

When i'm not serious, things got bad. When i'm serious, things got bad. When i dun care, things got bad. When i care, things got bad. When i dun bother to be there, things got bad. When i wanted to be there, things got bad. When i wanted to give up, things got bad. When i'm struggling, things got bad. When i'm jealous, things got bad. When i bochap, things got bad. When i dun commit, things got bad. When i commit, things got bad. I guess it's all me. The bad memories.

Love is beautiful. It's makes people go crazy, till everything in the world doesn't really matter. Love is blind. It makes people goes blind, unable to things clearly. Love is hate, hate is love. To love and to hate so much, i wonder why. I guess it's all me. The bad memories.

So, such a me, am i still an important person? I dun get it.. I'm a bad person, i'm so not understanding, i'm so not caring, i'm so not attentive, i'm so not attractive, i'm so not worth it, i'm so not considerate, i'm so useless, i'm ought to be write off, i'm ought to be shot, i'm ought to be killed, i'm ought to be dead. Such a me, am i still an important person? I dun get it.. I guess it's all me. The bad memories.

I'm already tired of living just like him. He wanted me to get that thing for him but i refused no matter how much i hate him. He kept nagging me to get him that thing but i simply bochap him. Why would he wanted that thing while at times he is still afraid? Love to live and hate to live. Wanted to go and dun wanna go. Even if i were to get him that thing, he would still be afraid. I know he is afraid. The 3 man he wanted to write them off, now left 2. Would he really go and write them off before he write himself off? When a person is tired of living and gave up totally on life, he wun really care much for himself. Those two blades are still rusty? I din see them laying around.. Often said that we are better off when he's gone but i know he dun really mean it. He only meant it when he's drunk.. I hate ppl who drink, i hate ppl who smoke, i hate ppl who gamble, i hate ppl who take drugs, i hate ppl who hit woman, becoz i hate him. Ironic? Becoz some of the things i did too..? Yup, that's why i hate myself.

When a child is born, he cries and the world rejoice. He cried becoz he is born into the world to suffer. When a person dies, he smiles and the world cry. He smiles becoz he is ending his sufferings. I believe he will smiles if i get him that thing.. Would the rest of us smile or cry..? That is the question.. What abt me? If i were to die, how many would cry and how many would smile? But one thing i know, i will smile.. =)

I'm not myself. I'm not the weixing that u know. Am i not important afterall. Need time? I'll give it to u then. An hour-glass starts counting down. I will leave u alone as u wish me to. I'm not giving up yet as u wish me not to. I will not fool around as u dun want me to. U wanted me to remove those bad memories, yup i did. Passwords still remain unchanged. Like i said this is the last set of passwords. I'm at a loss what to do with life. Is it wrong to be the way i am? I need a change.. The sand are slowly flowing off to the bottom. How much time has left? Time will tell..