I gotten these from my inbox.. lolx.. interesting.. =P
A Special Offer For Single Men Only...
The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes YOU Probably Make With Women And What To Do About It...
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes...
MISTAKE #1: BeingToo Much Of A Nice Guy
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple...
Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
MISTAKE #2: Trying ToConvince Her To Like You
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just notinterested?
Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To HerFor Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here.
You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...
MISTAKE #4: Trying To Buy Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It's only NATURAL when this happens...
That's right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection". Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
MISTAKE #5: SharingHow You Feel Too Early InThe Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #6: Not Getting How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how...
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That ItTakes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
MISTAKE #8: Giving AwayAll Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea...
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In EachType Of Situation With Women
Now I'm going to blow your mind...
A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women...
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night... right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling... like I don't know how to meet women... and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
I've written a book on the topic, and I've done seminars on both coasts of the United States... and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world.
Oh well, rather crappy yet interesting. haha.. At least something noted. =) Anyway, it doesn't really matter at all to me. Coz i dun have time for one. So, dun waste my time. =P Okie, back to my gaming, cya peeps. =)
PS: Any comments on the post? I welcome any. lolx =P
19 August, 2005
09 August, 2005
zZzZzZzZzZ
Am i living now or wat? I dun feel a fark. =.=" I'm like a dead fish. U know, even though fishes are dead, they still move with the wave/current.. Moving with the flow without knowing wat the fark i'm doing.. =.=" Ppl ask me go clubbing, i say no. Ppl ask me go movie, i say no. Ppl ask me play game, i say no. Then wat the hell am i doing nowadays? I DUN KNOW, DUN FARKING COME ASK ME! Heck. Ok fine i'm a bit drunk. How the hell did i got drunk? I DUN KNOW! Watever..
Ok i remembered something. I know know abt work. My company had juz opened another shop in Sim Lim Square at 5th floor. It's under my command. There's only 2 person working there in the shop. Me and a new guy. Basically i'm the one in-charged of the goddamn shop. =.=" Selling wat? Black CDs, black DVDs, jewel cases for discs, all sorts of cables, all sorts of mouses, all sorts of keyboards, all sorts of web cameras, all sorts of headphones with mic, etc. Basically, it's a LELONG accessories shop. No sign-board up yet coz we are expanding the shop. Now, it's a LELONG shop for the like of my lady boss. Soon, by the end of this mth, we will be taking over the shop(which is actually 2 units broken down into 1) beside us and made it a super big accessories shop at 5th floor. =.=" Managing a big shop isn't a joke! Damn i'm going mad. Anyway, stressful and frustating. Guess i'm fine only when i'm at work coz everyone can see a hyper active and cheerful weixing who is always smiling and laughing everynow and then juz like a kid. =.=" Watever. Bye.
PS: Dun come fan me and msg me how am i getting on. I will not even be bothered to reply. Anyway, anything i will surely post here. Goodbye.
Ok i remembered something. I know know abt work. My company had juz opened another shop in Sim Lim Square at 5th floor. It's under my command. There's only 2 person working there in the shop. Me and a new guy. Basically i'm the one in-charged of the goddamn shop. =.=" Selling wat? Black CDs, black DVDs, jewel cases for discs, all sorts of cables, all sorts of mouses, all sorts of keyboards, all sorts of web cameras, all sorts of headphones with mic, etc. Basically, it's a LELONG accessories shop. No sign-board up yet coz we are expanding the shop. Now, it's a LELONG shop for the like of my lady boss. Soon, by the end of this mth, we will be taking over the shop(which is actually 2 units broken down into 1) beside us and made it a super big accessories shop at 5th floor. =.=" Managing a big shop isn't a joke! Damn i'm going mad. Anyway, stressful and frustating. Guess i'm fine only when i'm at work coz everyone can see a hyper active and cheerful weixing who is always smiling and laughing everynow and then juz like a kid. =.=" Watever. Bye.
PS: Dun come fan me and msg me how am i getting on. I will not even be bothered to reply. Anyway, anything i will surely post here. Goodbye.
21 July, 2005
A day off from work
Slacking at home listening to music and blogging. Play a bit of game.. Later need to go out again.. =.=" Haiz.. Sianz. My uncle darn nosy and nag super a lot. >.< I hate nags. =.=" When saying something juz say one time can liao lah. Repeat so many freaking times for wat? You will only turns me off. Feel like changing my number. Such a nuisance.
Ghost in the Shell part 2 came out liao! But even if i buy i also no time to watch.. Not much ppl knows of my hectic schedule. Every morning i woke up at abt 9am then left my place for work at abt 10am. My work starts from 10.30am-8.30pm. Upon closing all the shops will be abt 9pm liao.. By the time i reach home is roughly close to 10pm.. Bathe, eat and relax a bit. Soon i will get tired around 11pm(due to the drowsiness from the full-cream warm milk). Thus, i will get to slp soundly at abt midnight. =.= Lifeless. lolx.. I've got my A3 and DOTA and blog and emails and chats and forum-surfing on my hands.. So little time, so many things to be done.. Seems to have been turned into a regular workaholic liao.. How long i haven't been to movies liao.. How long i haven't been to clubbing(not counting the one at NB on Irene's bday coz merely few hrs and absolutely no enjoy at all) liao.. How long i haven't been on a long gaming day liao.. Haiz.. My off-day falls on wk-day once every wk on Thursday. However, every off day seems to be so freaking occupied by nonsences. No time for myself. I dun freaking live my life for others lor.. =.= Sian.. Why am i so dissatisfied with my life..? I'm happy working though.. Sian.. I wonder where my stress came from..
A lot of ppl have been asking me how did i got started with that mysterious gal.. lolx.. It all started juz like that lor, naturally. Dun ask how, dun ask why. When it's love, there's no absolute answer. Neither me nor she knows why.. Haha.. Something at least better than nothing. We had no regrets. =) Am i right, gal? =P
I'm actually quite pissed off with ppl who kept asking me to get attached.. =.=" It's not a bad thing to get attached but it's not want means want. It's not an essential needs for me at the moment even though at times of darkest i really needed one.. But i still got my friends with me. Great friends around me every now and then. =) Well, i still rmb that time i did mention something in a pissed-off way to someone.. "i dun need a gf to survive, or rather a gal to survive my life. Why shld i need one when it can invites more problems for me?" Those were mentioned quite sometime ago liao but it's still lingering in my brain till now.. Anyway, watever will come will come. Watever will go will go. Best to let nature takes its own course. I'm not awaiting, i'm not hoping for anything, i'm not wishing for anything. =)
It's juz like one of my friend.. We were once schoolmates who dunno one another, then few yrs later we became 'HI-BYE' friend, then yrs later became normal friends who lunched/dined together occasionally, then we became closer than before and feelings appeared but i stay neutral by suppressing myself, till now we are still as close as of before despite me rejecting her intention a few times(jokingly).. When she learnt something's wrong abt me, she would immediately give me a call and helped cleared my thoughts thru her intelligence & experience, both logically & theorically. This would seems a pity we did not start out but i see it as deem fit.. Friends last forever but not relationships. At least, that's what i think. No one can proved me wrong yet. =P Afterall, i'm a natural stubborn & bad guy. =)
Ghost in the Shell part 2 came out liao! But even if i buy i also no time to watch.. Not much ppl knows of my hectic schedule. Every morning i woke up at abt 9am then left my place for work at abt 10am. My work starts from 10.30am-8.30pm. Upon closing all the shops will be abt 9pm liao.. By the time i reach home is roughly close to 10pm.. Bathe, eat and relax a bit. Soon i will get tired around 11pm(due to the drowsiness from the full-cream warm milk). Thus, i will get to slp soundly at abt midnight. =.= Lifeless. lolx.. I've got my A3 and DOTA and blog and emails and chats and forum-surfing on my hands.. So little time, so many things to be done.. Seems to have been turned into a regular workaholic liao.. How long i haven't been to movies liao.. How long i haven't been to clubbing(not counting the one at NB on Irene's bday coz merely few hrs and absolutely no enjoy at all) liao.. How long i haven't been on a long gaming day liao.. Haiz.. My off-day falls on wk-day once every wk on Thursday. However, every off day seems to be so freaking occupied by nonsences. No time for myself. I dun freaking live my life for others lor.. =.= Sian.. Why am i so dissatisfied with my life..? I'm happy working though.. Sian.. I wonder where my stress came from..
A lot of ppl have been asking me how did i got started with that mysterious gal.. lolx.. It all started juz like that lor, naturally. Dun ask how, dun ask why. When it's love, there's no absolute answer. Neither me nor she knows why.. Haha.. Something at least better than nothing. We had no regrets. =) Am i right, gal? =P
I'm actually quite pissed off with ppl who kept asking me to get attached.. =.=" It's not a bad thing to get attached but it's not want means want. It's not an essential needs for me at the moment even though at times of darkest i really needed one.. But i still got my friends with me. Great friends around me every now and then. =) Well, i still rmb that time i did mention something in a pissed-off way to someone.. "i dun need a gf to survive, or rather a gal to survive my life. Why shld i need one when it can invites more problems for me?" Those were mentioned quite sometime ago liao but it's still lingering in my brain till now.. Anyway, watever will come will come. Watever will go will go. Best to let nature takes its own course. I'm not awaiting, i'm not hoping for anything, i'm not wishing for anything. =)
It's juz like one of my friend.. We were once schoolmates who dunno one another, then few yrs later we became 'HI-BYE' friend, then yrs later became normal friends who lunched/dined together occasionally, then we became closer than before and feelings appeared but i stay neutral by suppressing myself, till now we are still as close as of before despite me rejecting her intention a few times(jokingly).. When she learnt something's wrong abt me, she would immediately give me a call and helped cleared my thoughts thru her intelligence & experience, both logically & theorically. This would seems a pity we did not start out but i see it as deem fit.. Friends last forever but not relationships. At least, that's what i think. No one can proved me wrong yet. =P Afterall, i'm a natural stubborn & bad guy. =)
19 July, 2005
Busy~~
Really busy in this new company.. >_<>_< And somemore nx mth our new shop will be opening and a few staffs will be transfered there... There's only one new staff coming in on the 1st and the other on the 24th of next mth.. =.=" Sianzzzzz...
That stupid shan. Got thing then find me de. =D =P =) *Whistle & roll eyes* Muahahaha~! Everytime i post i always think of you mah so i mention you lor.. Dun wan ah? ok lor. i end here. =D
Finally got contact with long-lost-friend(really long meh? =P), Michelle. Dunno how many yrs back, we used to contact alot thru sms. Quite close until one fateful day when i msg her and i got a reply "Who are you?" from her. =.=" I was kind of "eh oh.." =P It's her bf.. lolx.. Ever since then, i rarely msg her liao, even greetings also lesser liao.. Dun wanna cause distress to them. hehe.. Few days back suddenly got a notice from 'wholivesnearyou' then i realised that she's back in sg liao.. We seems to have lost touch of each other entirely sia.. Or shall i say she lost touch with most of her guy friends?? Muahaha~~ I din say that though, she said that herself one.. =P Dun flame me hor! ;P Noticed a little change in her look. She looks more chubby liao.. lolx =P I think she will be reading my blog real soon, hope i dun get flamed. hehe.. Peace out =)
That toothy hor.. Feel that she's somehow similar to me as in our characteristic. lolx.. We are rebelious. =D Watever we dun wan, we dun like to be forced into doing.. She sprained her leg long time ago but till now still dun wanna go see doctor.. lolx. Juz like me sia.. The more you asked me to quit smoking, the more i gonna smoke.. lolx.. When i go eat with carisa, she would think that i would want to have a smoke after meal but miraclely i dun wan to. =P Rebelious indeed. =)
Haiz.. That XH hor.. Say wan to update her new blog till now still no news.. =.=" But anyway, even though got also rarely update new posts one lah. =P Promised her to go see Xue Lang Hu in sept.. I still dunno i can take off on that day or not.. lolx.. Scarly cannot then jialat liao.. Anyway, no matter wat i will make it happen de coz i paid for it liao. haha. That day she shun bian come find me at sls when her friends wan go buy World of Warcraft.. She dun look like last time liao. But i no comments.. hehe =P Still take my mineral water and drink. =.="
Sianz.. Every since working i dun have much time for myself.. Haiz.. Nowadays my off day is Thursday. Anyone who free can ask me out lor.. But muz tell me early lah.. Haha.. =P K lah i go koon liao.. Tired..
That stupid shan. Got thing then find me de. =D =P =) *Whistle & roll eyes* Muahahaha~! Everytime i post i always think of you mah so i mention you lor.. Dun wan ah? ok lor. i end here. =D
Finally got contact with long-lost-friend(really long meh? =P), Michelle. Dunno how many yrs back, we used to contact alot thru sms. Quite close until one fateful day when i msg her and i got a reply "Who are you?" from her. =.=" I was kind of "eh oh.." =P It's her bf.. lolx.. Ever since then, i rarely msg her liao, even greetings also lesser liao.. Dun wanna cause distress to them. hehe.. Few days back suddenly got a notice from 'wholivesnearyou' then i realised that she's back in sg liao.. We seems to have lost touch of each other entirely sia.. Or shall i say she lost touch with most of her guy friends?? Muahaha~~ I din say that though, she said that herself one.. =P Dun flame me hor! ;P Noticed a little change in her look. She looks more chubby liao.. lolx =P I think she will be reading my blog real soon, hope i dun get flamed. hehe.. Peace out =)
That toothy hor.. Feel that she's somehow similar to me as in our characteristic. lolx.. We are rebelious. =D Watever we dun wan, we dun like to be forced into doing.. She sprained her leg long time ago but till now still dun wanna go see doctor.. lolx. Juz like me sia.. The more you asked me to quit smoking, the more i gonna smoke.. lolx.. When i go eat with carisa, she would think that i would want to have a smoke after meal but miraclely i dun wan to. =P Rebelious indeed. =)
Haiz.. That XH hor.. Say wan to update her new blog till now still no news.. =.=" But anyway, even though got also rarely update new posts one lah. =P Promised her to go see Xue Lang Hu in sept.. I still dunno i can take off on that day or not.. lolx.. Scarly cannot then jialat liao.. Anyway, no matter wat i will make it happen de coz i paid for it liao. haha. That day she shun bian come find me at sls when her friends wan go buy World of Warcraft.. She dun look like last time liao. But i no comments.. hehe =P Still take my mineral water and drink. =.="
Sianz.. Every since working i dun have much time for myself.. Haiz.. Nowadays my off day is Thursday. Anyone who free can ask me out lor.. But muz tell me early lah.. Haha.. =P K lah i go koon liao.. Tired..
17 July, 2005
Sian..
Hmmm.. Really diff lor.. Got work and no work.. Haha.. When not working, i tend to slack to the extreme and got lotsa things to think abt.. Now got work, seriously no time to think and do other stuffs.. lolx.. However, this is then the life for me. =)
New environment, new life, new friends, new game, etc. =P Wah my new company darn a lot of ppl lor.. >.< My that branch alone got almost 10 ppl liao.. haha.. Well, that's not all.. Anyone who know abt Sim Lim Square(SLS) will know my company one. You can ask them how many branches we have.. Notorious de lor.. lolx... It's called ATF. =D The whole community i dunno got how many ppl but i guessed shld be abt 50 or so..
Haiz.. one thing i dun like abt this company is 'Hidden Cost'.. I dunno the price of my products thus when i got friends come buy things from me, i dunno how to quote them the prices.. >.< Sian sia.. I got a lot ppl coming and look for me but i can't help them reduce much on the price.. Unlike last time, i can see the cost price so that i can cheap cheap sell. Sometimes my company only earn a few cents nia.. Not even enuff to cover the paperworks.. But bo bian, friends are more impt. =P Hao Ting!! lolx.
Wah, shan can tell me that i din bring her go watch Initial-D.. =.=" I endure not to go watch lor.. >.< But she din contact me.. Or if not call me liao then say min later call back but it's a few days later lor.. haiz.. Got bf liao diff liao lor.. Can feel the 'wind' liao lor. =P Even though now i watch the downloaded version but i can still go watch one lor.. Effects not as good as movie theater.. =.="
Jason's gf going home tonite coz tml she's flying off to china for a week and he's discussing that nx wk can go chiong liao.. =.=" He never like to go clubbing with her gf de.. Coz got gals cannot beos(peep) and got flesh cannot eat(and give me that very shiok reaction. lolx) That's why going clubbing with him is the most fun de.. Can see gals automatically danced closer to him and some trying to follow his steps. lolx.. Oh ya, he's working in the same company as me but diff branch.. There are 3 gals in our retail shops. He oredi targetting one of the gals liao.. Lolx.. Shld be easy for him lah. Guess tml he will start his actions liao.. but anyway, dun think he is serious lah.. Afterall, guys juz wanna have fun and somemore he only have a week to 'play'. =P And such chances are 'once in a blue moon'.. Haha.. Anyway, not my prob. =D
Sian, today my A3 got double-experience event and yet i went company dinner with them.. By the time i reach home no more event liao.. Haiz.. Though i'm quite a hardcore-gamer(or shall i say passionate-gamer =P), i will not abandone such gatherings for the sake of gaming.. Afterall, gaming is virtual. It's all for the fun of it.. =) K lah i wan go slp soon. i go see toothy's blog then i go drink milk and koon liao.. tml morning if can wakey then play game b4 go work. Bye all~~ Later.. =)
New environment, new life, new friends, new game, etc. =P Wah my new company darn a lot of ppl lor.. >.< My that branch alone got almost 10 ppl liao.. haha.. Well, that's not all.. Anyone who know abt Sim Lim Square(SLS) will know my company one. You can ask them how many branches we have.. Notorious de lor.. lolx... It's called ATF. =D The whole community i dunno got how many ppl but i guessed shld be abt 50 or so..
Haiz.. one thing i dun like abt this company is 'Hidden Cost'.. I dunno the price of my products thus when i got friends come buy things from me, i dunno how to quote them the prices.. >.< Sian sia.. I got a lot ppl coming and look for me but i can't help them reduce much on the price.. Unlike last time, i can see the cost price so that i can cheap cheap sell. Sometimes my company only earn a few cents nia.. Not even enuff to cover the paperworks.. But bo bian, friends are more impt. =P Hao Ting!! lolx.
Wah, shan can tell me that i din bring her go watch Initial-D.. =.=" I endure not to go watch lor.. >.< But she din contact me.. Or if not call me liao then say min later call back but it's a few days later lor.. haiz.. Got bf liao diff liao lor.. Can feel the 'wind' liao lor. =P Even though now i watch the downloaded version but i can still go watch one lor.. Effects not as good as movie theater.. =.="
Jason's gf going home tonite coz tml she's flying off to china for a week and he's discussing that nx wk can go chiong liao.. =.=" He never like to go clubbing with her gf de.. Coz got gals cannot beos(peep) and got flesh cannot eat(and give me that very shiok reaction. lolx) That's why going clubbing with him is the most fun de.. Can see gals automatically danced closer to him and some trying to follow his steps. lolx.. Oh ya, he's working in the same company as me but diff branch.. There are 3 gals in our retail shops. He oredi targetting one of the gals liao.. Lolx.. Shld be easy for him lah. Guess tml he will start his actions liao.. but anyway, dun think he is serious lah.. Afterall, guys juz wanna have fun and somemore he only have a week to 'play'. =P And such chances are 'once in a blue moon'.. Haha.. Anyway, not my prob. =D
Sian, today my A3 got double-experience event and yet i went company dinner with them.. By the time i reach home no more event liao.. Haiz.. Though i'm quite a hardcore-gamer(or shall i say passionate-gamer =P), i will not abandone such gatherings for the sake of gaming.. Afterall, gaming is virtual. It's all for the fun of it.. =) K lah i wan go slp soon. i go see toothy's blog then i go drink milk and koon liao.. tml morning if can wakey then play game b4 go work. Bye all~~ Later.. =)
12 July, 2005
李圣杰--手放开
我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱
我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概
不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白
我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌写着等待
我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
啃咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害
10 July, 2005
Free...
Many things had happened and i'm too not in the mood to post them.. But afterall, i still post it in here.. haha.. Btw, new outlook. Did it in a haste so it's not very well done.. =.="
That day went JL's place to play majong. The 1st time so many ppl there. JL, YX, Wendy, Jasmine, Han, me and Ruyou are there.. lolx.. I know it's kinda my last time playing with them and the next time for me will gonna be a long way.. Thus, ask so many ppl.. Though doesn't play much but okie lah.. ^^ Anyway, that day we played till very late.. Till abt 4am i think.. =.= In the end of mj, YX and Ruyou shared a cab back while wendy took a cab by herself.. As for me, i wanted to take a cab in the opposite direction.. But after crossing the road, i think i can walk home.. And enjoy the cool breeze. ^^ On my way back home as i approaching Zouk there, something interesting happened.. I was walking on the pavement near the road, then a car near me pulled over and stopped by the roadside. There was a malay guy in it and he beckoned me over. Out of curiousity and thinking that he wanted to ask for directions, i walked over to the car.
The conversation goes like this:
"Hi, where u going?"
"I'm on my way home."
"Come on, get in."
"Get in for wat? My house is juz nearby..(feeling a little weird)"
"Juz come in first lah"
"No thanks. i can walk home."
"Wat do u think abt it?"
"About what?"
"About sex."
"Haha..(I smile a bit and give him a wave and walk off)"
LOLX! Oh my god, i was even approached by a guy! Haiz.. But this is not what i wanted.. Afterall i'm straight and i'm still waiting for her..
Regarding the job that i intended to go to at funan.. That boss din replied us for any further instructions and stuffs, juz keep us pending.. Been rotting for a mth and i'm going craze.. >_< I will never turn my head to eat the grass behind me.. Haiz.. Sian..
Anyway, the current company is quite ok except for one thing i dun feel comfortable.. Which is there's no customers service in this company.. =.=" Most of the staffs are the same.. I'm not used to it lor.. Afterall, i always give my best service i can provide to all my customers.. Haiz.. But anyway, end of the mth i'll be going to another shop at 5th floor.. Same company but new shop with a new name.. Gonna make it totally different from all the existing shops..
No more THE ONE liao.. We had come to a conclusion.. We shld end it.. Though it's not counted as started at all. But of coz, those days are worth remembering.. ^^ For Once, i was an important person in her life and For Once, she was an important person in my life. So many problems will come to us if we were to officially start.. Haiz.. To 'protect' me, she intend to do wat i mentioned in my previous post.. >_< Being with someone u dun love is indeed painful and meaningless.. I dun wan her to fall back into her old shoes..
That time when the decision is made, i was upset and lost.. But i'm fine now, dun worry.. Life still goes on for me and for her. ^^ Even though we are not together, we still live our life as usual. =) Well, juz like my theme song here "wo gei ni zhui hou de teng ai shi shou fang kai.."
I will never turn my head to eat the grass behind me. However, i guess she would be an exception.. I think.. But, by the time i might have gf liao.. Of coz, i will not juz cease the relationship juz to be with her.. I said liao, i will be serious in every relationship de.. It's not for the fun of it only.. =.=" I'm not a flirt lor.. And most impt, no guys pls.... =.=" But anyway, i'm open liao. hehe.. See who's gonna be the unlucky one to be with me. =P Erm, i mean the fortunate one to have me. =P Gonna go koonz liao.. tml still gotta work.. >_<
That day went JL's place to play majong. The 1st time so many ppl there. JL, YX, Wendy, Jasmine, Han, me and Ruyou are there.. lolx.. I know it's kinda my last time playing with them and the next time for me will gonna be a long way.. Thus, ask so many ppl.. Though doesn't play much but okie lah.. ^^ Anyway, that day we played till very late.. Till abt 4am i think.. =.= In the end of mj, YX and Ruyou shared a cab back while wendy took a cab by herself.. As for me, i wanted to take a cab in the opposite direction.. But after crossing the road, i think i can walk home.. And enjoy the cool breeze. ^^ On my way back home as i approaching Zouk there, something interesting happened.. I was walking on the pavement near the road, then a car near me pulled over and stopped by the roadside. There was a malay guy in it and he beckoned me over. Out of curiousity and thinking that he wanted to ask for directions, i walked over to the car.
The conversation goes like this:
"Hi, where u going?"
"I'm on my way home."
"Come on, get in."
"Get in for wat? My house is juz nearby..(feeling a little weird)"
"Juz come in first lah"
"No thanks. i can walk home."
"Wat do u think abt it?"
"About what?"
"About sex."
"Haha..(I smile a bit and give him a wave and walk off)"
LOLX! Oh my god, i was even approached by a guy! Haiz.. But this is not what i wanted.. Afterall i'm straight and i'm still waiting for her..
Regarding the job that i intended to go to at funan.. That boss din replied us for any further instructions and stuffs, juz keep us pending.. Been rotting for a mth and i'm going craze.. >_< I will never turn my head to eat the grass behind me.. Haiz.. Sian..
Anyway, the current company is quite ok except for one thing i dun feel comfortable.. Which is there's no customers service in this company.. =.=" Most of the staffs are the same.. I'm not used to it lor.. Afterall, i always give my best service i can provide to all my customers.. Haiz.. But anyway, end of the mth i'll be going to another shop at 5th floor.. Same company but new shop with a new name.. Gonna make it totally different from all the existing shops..
No more THE ONE liao.. We had come to a conclusion.. We shld end it.. Though it's not counted as started at all. But of coz, those days are worth remembering.. ^^ For Once, i was an important person in her life and For Once, she was an important person in my life. So many problems will come to us if we were to officially start.. Haiz.. To 'protect' me, she intend to do wat i mentioned in my previous post.. >_< Being with someone u dun love is indeed painful and meaningless.. I dun wan her to fall back into her old shoes..
That time when the decision is made, i was upset and lost.. But i'm fine now, dun worry.. Life still goes on for me and for her. ^^ Even though we are not together, we still live our life as usual. =) Well, juz like my theme song here "wo gei ni zhui hou de teng ai shi shou fang kai.."
I will never turn my head to eat the grass behind me. However, i guess she would be an exception.. I think.. But, by the time i might have gf liao.. Of coz, i will not juz cease the relationship juz to be with her.. I said liao, i will be serious in every relationship de.. It's not for the fun of it only.. =.=" I'm not a flirt lor.. And most impt, no guys pls.... =.=" But anyway, i'm open liao. hehe.. See who's gonna be the unlucky one to be with me. =P Erm, i mean the fortunate one to have me. =P Gonna go koonz liao.. tml still gotta work.. >_<
22 June, 2005
It's been quite some time since i last post. Actually quite a lot of things to post juz that lazy to login and post them.. bleahz =P I'm afterall juz like a pig slacking off at home day after day.. Wasting my life away day after day.. I hate life without life.. Haiz.. Not working is indeed boring. Haiz. Actually lotsa ppl wish they had the free time all by themselves.. I had it now but i dun seems to enjoy it at all..
I gave up a higher pay job for a lower one and i dun seems to get the attention i want. I dun seems to be an essential person to that new company.. Quite sad.. I hate being not appreciated.. Being it to others or to friends. Sian. I'm gonna give that company a few more days grace. By then if still no news i'm off to another company. I wun go and chase them whether when can i start work or heck like i care. I can jolly well find another company who needs me more or rather appreciate me more.
I'm a weird person. Once i'm pissed off with a person, that person wun even know. Unless he/she is sensative enuff to feel it. Of coz, i will still go out with him/her but my attitude would be somehow diff from wat he/she used to know me. Not much in my 'pissed-list' though, only a handful of them. Anyway, without me their life is still as per normal so i dun care much. Afterall i'm a bad guy not worthy to be their friend. All i wish for such ppl is very simple, juz leave me alone. My temper had toned down a lot but, there's still an impending eruption anytime. I exploded once in camp and i dun not wish for another coz it was so unsightful for him/her. But anyway, things can get better by chance. There was actually one person who was about to get into my list liao but in the end also dunno how come she did not got in. haha..
This world is indeed so small. I came to realised that Erica's bf is my friend. My secondary sch mate, gordon. A friend for abt 8yrs i guess. He also very power de lah. He 1st time met Erica on the 14th of this mth and they got together on the 14th. Lolx. Anyway good for them. At least this way Erica will not be going clubbing that often anymore.. Hehe.. This guy ah.. He almost everything also tell me de. lolx.. A very naive guy indeed. Though as a friend, he is not a very friend but as a bf, he's a very nice bf. =) He ah.. Some things shld not mentioned he also will tell me de.. Haiz.. But anyway, doesn't really matters.. =P knn Erica even tell him i seized the chance and hug her that day when she is drunk... =.= Wah lao eh.. >_< ya lah ya lah, i'm such a person so everyone pls stay away from me from now onwards. =)
That day Xuehui wants to go East Coast Park but she dunno how to cycle and no one wants to cycle a double bike with her. Then dunno why she cried also. =.=" Was izzit becoz my words are too harsh on her? Or was izzit becoz she was left alone and felt sad? I wun know coz i was never told. Never know, of coz i wun care much. Anyway, reluctantly i still went on to East Coast Park to see how she's doing. Shan was staying nearby there, thus, i meet up with her then go ECP find Xuehui and her friends. Shan was so hyper that day.. lolx. We are machiam super close friends like that.. But anyway, we are not. I'm not that fortunate. =) When we reached there, the 1st thing that happened was Xuehui asked shan if she is Celena. =.=" Coz i did mentioned i wanted to meet Celena 1st but she dun have the time so i din meet her. Shan was shocked by the remark though.. She asked me how come XH so fierce de..? Was quite unhappy with that though i said nothing.. That wasn't a way to shoot a question juz like that lor.. That scareded 'my shan'.. lolx! 'my shan', these two words was mentioned by someone else de.. =.=" Haiz.. Anyway, i meet up with XH they all liao, she immediately say she want to go cycle liao. then ok lor, luckily i got shan to accompany me have dinner. ^^
How come so many ppl says that i'm such a flirt? =.=" Do i look like one? Please lor.. I believe i'm not one coz i know i'm not handsome and somemore i'm not a 'shui bian' person lor.. =.= Few ppl had asked me how many gf i had before.. Even my close friends also dunno.. lolx.. Actually, i know not much but i seriously dun know.. And most important of all is, i'm clean with all my ex.. This i can swear lor.. But swear also no use, coz no one will believe de.. Ok lah, in fact i only slept with one of my ex.. I say 'slept' not that chim 'slept' lor.. That was dunno how many yrs ago liao during my secondary.. That time we went to a chalet at East Coast and she lives at Tampiness.. We were not thinking of spending the night there de but somehow we stay there until quite late at abt 2am+.. Then she needs to go home and yet dun wan me to spend the money to take a cab home due to surcharges.. Thus i walk her home and she asked me go over to her place and stay till morning.. Her parents are very strict on her de thus i had to silently enter and leave her house.. That day went her place we din do anything but juz lay on the bed waiting for the alarm clock to ring.. I hug her on her bed and ask her to take a rest while i try to stay awake and wait for the time to come.. I can't afford to fall asleep and got her into trouble if i overslept and if her parents saw us.. Though that time was merely a few hrs but the feeling was great. Can see her happiness on her face.. haha.. Well, no one would believe i prefered hug than sex de.. =.=" Not that i dun wan nor i dare not but i dun wish to.. It's not an essential thing for relationship nor it's everything.. For me, it's nothing but for gals, it might be something or even everything.. For most guys, it's juz a form of pleasure. Well, several minutes of pleasure can lead to several months of pain..
For some ppl they come to think that am i really a gay. Well, i'm always straight. All thanks to my camp-mate that day.. Thus i've got totally no interest in guys. I can easily have feelings for gals but often not said.. Some things are best kept in silent than to reveal it.. Revealing it might invite more troubles.. haiz..
How long was it ever since i broke off with karen...? Ever since then, i have not gotten another liao.. I've long count of the days and months and years liao.. I've found one but can't be with her at the meantime for some reasons.. Due to not wanting me to wait for her, she even suggest me go on with my life with another. Coz we never know when will be the ripe time.. Haiz.. She knows i'll still give unconditionally and somehow she dun wan to put me in this state which makes her kinda guilty as if it is her fault in getting me into this.. Love is love, there's no why.. If really wanna make me get on with another, think u gotta stab me with a knife of pain... But there's one thing for sure, there's no way back.. "I never turn my head to look back.." Next time being friends might not be as close as before liao coz i know i'll fall into the web again thus i would refrain.. Indeed a tough choice to make.. Aquarius are borned leader rather than follower.. However, for this situation i decide to be a follower.. Show me that path.. Path of Light or Path of Dark, i'll face it. No matter watever might come. Ming tian shi you ming tian shuo. Taking a step at a time is the best.. In every relationship there bound to be ups and downs, there's no avoid to all the ups or the downs. Nothing is perfect. =)
I gave up a higher pay job for a lower one and i dun seems to get the attention i want. I dun seems to be an essential person to that new company.. Quite sad.. I hate being not appreciated.. Being it to others or to friends. Sian. I'm gonna give that company a few more days grace. By then if still no news i'm off to another company. I wun go and chase them whether when can i start work or heck like i care. I can jolly well find another company who needs me more or rather appreciate me more.
I'm a weird person. Once i'm pissed off with a person, that person wun even know. Unless he/she is sensative enuff to feel it. Of coz, i will still go out with him/her but my attitude would be somehow diff from wat he/she used to know me. Not much in my 'pissed-list' though, only a handful of them. Anyway, without me their life is still as per normal so i dun care much. Afterall i'm a bad guy not worthy to be their friend. All i wish for such ppl is very simple, juz leave me alone. My temper had toned down a lot but, there's still an impending eruption anytime. I exploded once in camp and i dun not wish for another coz it was so unsightful for him/her. But anyway, things can get better by chance. There was actually one person who was about to get into my list liao but in the end also dunno how come she did not got in. haha..
This world is indeed so small. I came to realised that Erica's bf is my friend. My secondary sch mate, gordon. A friend for abt 8yrs i guess. He also very power de lah. He 1st time met Erica on the 14th of this mth and they got together on the 14th. Lolx. Anyway good for them. At least this way Erica will not be going clubbing that often anymore.. Hehe.. This guy ah.. He almost everything also tell me de. lolx.. A very naive guy indeed. Though as a friend, he is not a very friend but as a bf, he's a very nice bf. =) He ah.. Some things shld not mentioned he also will tell me de.. Haiz.. But anyway, doesn't really matters.. =P knn Erica even tell him i seized the chance and hug her that day when she is drunk... =.= Wah lao eh.. >_< ya lah ya lah, i'm such a person so everyone pls stay away from me from now onwards. =)
That day Xuehui wants to go East Coast Park but she dunno how to cycle and no one wants to cycle a double bike with her. Then dunno why she cried also. =.=" Was izzit becoz my words are too harsh on her? Or was izzit becoz she was left alone and felt sad? I wun know coz i was never told. Never know, of coz i wun care much. Anyway, reluctantly i still went on to East Coast Park to see how she's doing. Shan was staying nearby there, thus, i meet up with her then go ECP find Xuehui and her friends. Shan was so hyper that day.. lolx. We are machiam super close friends like that.. But anyway, we are not. I'm not that fortunate. =) When we reached there, the 1st thing that happened was Xuehui asked shan if she is Celena. =.=" Coz i did mentioned i wanted to meet Celena 1st but she dun have the time so i din meet her. Shan was shocked by the remark though.. She asked me how come XH so fierce de..? Was quite unhappy with that though i said nothing.. That wasn't a way to shoot a question juz like that lor.. That scareded 'my shan'.. lolx! 'my shan', these two words was mentioned by someone else de.. =.=" Haiz.. Anyway, i meet up with XH they all liao, she immediately say she want to go cycle liao. then ok lor, luckily i got shan to accompany me have dinner. ^^
How come so many ppl says that i'm such a flirt? =.=" Do i look like one? Please lor.. I believe i'm not one coz i know i'm not handsome and somemore i'm not a 'shui bian' person lor.. =.= Few ppl had asked me how many gf i had before.. Even my close friends also dunno.. lolx.. Actually, i know not much but i seriously dun know.. And most important of all is, i'm clean with all my ex.. This i can swear lor.. But swear also no use, coz no one will believe de.. Ok lah, in fact i only slept with one of my ex.. I say 'slept' not that chim 'slept' lor.. That was dunno how many yrs ago liao during my secondary.. That time we went to a chalet at East Coast and she lives at Tampiness.. We were not thinking of spending the night there de but somehow we stay there until quite late at abt 2am+.. Then she needs to go home and yet dun wan me to spend the money to take a cab home due to surcharges.. Thus i walk her home and she asked me go over to her place and stay till morning.. Her parents are very strict on her de thus i had to silently enter and leave her house.. That day went her place we din do anything but juz lay on the bed waiting for the alarm clock to ring.. I hug her on her bed and ask her to take a rest while i try to stay awake and wait for the time to come.. I can't afford to fall asleep and got her into trouble if i overslept and if her parents saw us.. Though that time was merely a few hrs but the feeling was great. Can see her happiness on her face.. haha.. Well, no one would believe i prefered hug than sex de.. =.=" Not that i dun wan nor i dare not but i dun wish to.. It's not an essential thing for relationship nor it's everything.. For me, it's nothing but for gals, it might be something or even everything.. For most guys, it's juz a form of pleasure. Well, several minutes of pleasure can lead to several months of pain..
For some ppl they come to think that am i really a gay. Well, i'm always straight. All thanks to my camp-mate that day.. Thus i've got totally no interest in guys. I can easily have feelings for gals but often not said.. Some things are best kept in silent than to reveal it.. Revealing it might invite more troubles.. haiz..
How long was it ever since i broke off with karen...? Ever since then, i have not gotten another liao.. I've long count of the days and months and years liao.. I've found one but can't be with her at the meantime for some reasons.. Due to not wanting me to wait for her, she even suggest me go on with my life with another. Coz we never know when will be the ripe time.. Haiz.. She knows i'll still give unconditionally and somehow she dun wan to put me in this state which makes her kinda guilty as if it is her fault in getting me into this.. Love is love, there's no why.. If really wanna make me get on with another, think u gotta stab me with a knife of pain... But there's one thing for sure, there's no way back.. "I never turn my head to look back.." Next time being friends might not be as close as before liao coz i know i'll fall into the web again thus i would refrain.. Indeed a tough choice to make.. Aquarius are borned leader rather than follower.. However, for this situation i decide to be a follower.. Show me that path.. Path of Light or Path of Dark, i'll face it. No matter watever might come. Ming tian shi you ming tian shuo. Taking a step at a time is the best.. In every relationship there bound to be ups and downs, there's no avoid to all the ups or the downs. Nothing is perfect. =)
14 June, 2005
Goddamnit!!! I can't get to slp!! >_< Actually it's my own fault.. Wakey at late noon yest.. hehe.. Really slp like a pig sia.. =P Bleahz. Long time no slp until so shiok liao lor.. Another reason for not able to get to slp is becoz of shan.. She msg me at abt 2.40am.. saying "One day if i die please smile.." Erm, if she were to die, how the hell am i going to smile?!?! If it were t0 be my dad, i can. But now is totally different story lor. Oh my god, tell me wat to do.. I'm really getting outta ideas and reasons to talk her round.. Even made known to her my life since young; no matter how freaking hard my goddamn farking life is i still persist on, hanging on to my life till my last breath, fighting all the hardships and no matter what i never give up though dunno how many millions time i oredi wanted to give up, enduring thru all the shame and pain and never give up no matter how much blood came flowing outta me.. She knew most of this more than anyone else. Coz we are in almost the same boat..
Shan, listen to me. Life isn't waste as long as u live it to the fullest. U kept saying being able to go Taiwan is so good, Have you even tried saving up for the trip? Dun tell me it is impossible coz it can be possible for me then why can't you? Was your situation worst than mine? Think abt it. How many things in life u wanted to do but yet to do? Come on, love isn't everything. I told you liao, if love is everything, in this world there would not have any monks and nuns liao. Do you really need a bf to take care of u? I've seen gals who had lived till my age and they did not have had any bf before, does that mean they are much more pathetic than you?
I'm not telling u having a bf is no good but u gotta know when to be dependent and when to be independent.. Guys only mah, u scared dun have meh? The streets are full of them. I really dunno wat to say liao.. Well, if u really think that your path of life is so tough and u needed a person to walk ur life with you, i can accompany you. Juz like how i wanted to warm u against the coldness in you that day.. I juz dun wanna you to escape from reality.. If you really dare not face it alone, lemme face it with ya..
That day i learnt that ruyou had broke off with her bf. She saw her bf's ex's friendster having their together pic in it. Indeed, it aroused something.. Why did she still put the photo up there even though her bf and her ex had broke off long ago? What is the reason for that? Well, certain things had to be clarified clearly before jumping into any conclusion.. I juz can't anyhow jump into any conclusion juz becoz i saw my gf(if i had any) going out with another guy, taking neoprint together, dancing on the bartop together, going out for movie together, or watsoever. If i dun clarified my uneasy, i will never get the truth. Is she doing juz to spite me coz of something i did wrong? Is she doing it without any reason but juz friends? The feeling being misunderstood is painful. This applies to both parties.. Either one party had to make the 1st move, if not eternally the problem will not be solved even though final is a break-off or remain in silent.. Sometimes such things are inevitable.. What comes around goes around. What will leave will leave; what will stay will stay.. Haiz..
Being in love can be so fan; being single can be so fan as well.. Well, that's life and i've faced it instead of running away. What abt you ppl?
Shan, listen to me. Life isn't waste as long as u live it to the fullest. U kept saying being able to go Taiwan is so good, Have you even tried saving up for the trip? Dun tell me it is impossible coz it can be possible for me then why can't you? Was your situation worst than mine? Think abt it. How many things in life u wanted to do but yet to do? Come on, love isn't everything. I told you liao, if love is everything, in this world there would not have any monks and nuns liao. Do you really need a bf to take care of u? I've seen gals who had lived till my age and they did not have had any bf before, does that mean they are much more pathetic than you?
I'm not telling u having a bf is no good but u gotta know when to be dependent and when to be independent.. Guys only mah, u scared dun have meh? The streets are full of them. I really dunno wat to say liao.. Well, if u really think that your path of life is so tough and u needed a person to walk ur life with you, i can accompany you. Juz like how i wanted to warm u against the coldness in you that day.. I juz dun wanna you to escape from reality.. If you really dare not face it alone, lemme face it with ya..
That day i learnt that ruyou had broke off with her bf. She saw her bf's ex's friendster having their together pic in it. Indeed, it aroused something.. Why did she still put the photo up there even though her bf and her ex had broke off long ago? What is the reason for that? Well, certain things had to be clarified clearly before jumping into any conclusion.. I juz can't anyhow jump into any conclusion juz becoz i saw my gf(if i had any) going out with another guy, taking neoprint together, dancing on the bartop together, going out for movie together, or watsoever. If i dun clarified my uneasy, i will never get the truth. Is she doing juz to spite me coz of something i did wrong? Is she doing it without any reason but juz friends? The feeling being misunderstood is painful. This applies to both parties.. Either one party had to make the 1st move, if not eternally the problem will not be solved even though final is a break-off or remain in silent.. Sometimes such things are inevitable.. What comes around goes around. What will leave will leave; what will stay will stay.. Haiz..
Being in love can be so fan; being single can be so fan as well.. Well, that's life and i've faced it instead of running away. What abt you ppl?
10 June, 2005
I hate ppl who dun keep their promises and those who made empty promises. Damn pissed off with such ppl. Why do i hate it so much? Coz i'm brought up this way. And Those i hate are my kin. Well, so be it. This is my fucking life. Who ppl broke their promises weren't that bad though.
For example, i ask a friend to help me bring my dog go see a vet, in the end he/she forgot totally abt it and din even bother to tell me. What if the dog really dies? Fark. If he/she were to break his/her promise, i can be like "Fine, i bring it to the vet myself". Many ppl knew me that i'm not a petty person. Seldom gets angry. Even if really got angry, it wun lasts, at most 2days. What the fuck sia! Promising is easy. Dun go around promising others as if it's like nothing. Where's the fucking responsibilities after promising?
I loved being confided but i hate ppl who treat my goodwill as nothing. Ppl who dun appreaciate it are ppl who are not worth ME sparing my care and concern for them. I got a lot such friends though. There are some who can ask me to confide in them whenever i need to let out, be it happy or sad even if i were to get them into my mood they also wun mind. Same goes for me, when i ask ppl to confide in me, i'm glad. Afterall i'm needed. Thanks shan. Currently u are the only one who confide in me in everything. Be it regarding ur friends, ur family, ur problems, ur bf, etc. You dun even consider whether will i get influenced by ur mood or not, dun even consider whether will i get jealous or not, dun even consider whether will i be fan for you or not.. This is one thing i love abt her. Dare to say, i dare to listen. Dare to say something sweet, i still will not run away juz becoz of paiseh. Instead, i'm glad and i will not refrain myself from treating u good. I dun live forever, but i'm very glad to have you as my friend. I remembered a person. Knew her thru my game and she is shan's friend. Her name is TPL aka Tan Peiling. There was once i had constant contact with her. There was once she told me that she was at Cineleisure and the lanshop is closing and she do not have any money to go home and she got no money to eat. I offered her that i can go down to meet her and treat her some food as well as sending her home but she kept saying nevermind, dun ma fan me. A 14-yr-old gal alone out at Orchard and intending to walk home all the way to Bedok.. Siao. Of coz i'll be worried lah. Afterall shan's friend is also my friend. But still, in the end she still decline my goodwill. I'm fed-up with that. Kaoz. Nothing to say. Ma fan is me who ma fan, care so much for wat. Watever.
Sian. I'm out of job liao. Today was my last day. Haiz.. I know i'm hard to please.. Wanna quit and now i've got it and yet i'm sad.. haiz.. sian.. But wat makes me more sian is this: Two person of two different worlds are not meant to be together; Two person of the same world are not meant to be together as well.. There's always give and take, this is nature. An 'ACTIVE' being with a 'PASSIVE' is normal coz in theory there compromise more than any kind of combinations.. However, these are not true in some.. I wish i'm wrong abt this.. I'm tired.. Anyway, i'm not working for the time being. I hope these time can make me straighten out my thoughts..
Yesterday nite i went to Tan Tock Seng Hospital to see Erica.. I left my home at abt 11pm.. She said that she got gastric and was admitted into the hospitalthe day before.. =.=" She was put on drip.. The needle poking into her skin on her left hand looks painful.. >_<>_<>_< Wah lao.. So jialat.. Before i go, i help her to her bed and cover her blanket.. Now then i know she can be girly when she's ill.. Haha.. She was complaining softly but in pain to me that "very pain.. stomach pain.. hand pain.. ass pain..." Giggling a bit though really in pain.. I pat her on her head and asked her to rest bah.. Dun think so much so that the pain might lessen a bit.. Haiz.. Today she felt much better liao.. But dunno she discharged liao mah.. I told her to let me know when she discharged.. So worry abt her..
For example, i ask a friend to help me bring my dog go see a vet, in the end he/she forgot totally abt it and din even bother to tell me. What if the dog really dies? Fark. If he/she were to break his/her promise, i can be like "Fine, i bring it to the vet myself". Many ppl knew me that i'm not a petty person. Seldom gets angry. Even if really got angry, it wun lasts, at most 2days. What the fuck sia! Promising is easy. Dun go around promising others as if it's like nothing. Where's the fucking responsibilities after promising?
I loved being confided but i hate ppl who treat my goodwill as nothing. Ppl who dun appreaciate it are ppl who are not worth ME sparing my care and concern for them. I got a lot such friends though. There are some who can ask me to confide in them whenever i need to let out, be it happy or sad even if i were to get them into my mood they also wun mind. Same goes for me, when i ask ppl to confide in me, i'm glad. Afterall i'm needed. Thanks shan. Currently u are the only one who confide in me in everything. Be it regarding ur friends, ur family, ur problems, ur bf, etc. You dun even consider whether will i get influenced by ur mood or not, dun even consider whether will i get jealous or not, dun even consider whether will i be fan for you or not.. This is one thing i love abt her. Dare to say, i dare to listen. Dare to say something sweet, i still will not run away juz becoz of paiseh. Instead, i'm glad and i will not refrain myself from treating u good. I dun live forever, but i'm very glad to have you as my friend. I remembered a person. Knew her thru my game and she is shan's friend. Her name is TPL aka Tan Peiling. There was once i had constant contact with her. There was once she told me that she was at Cineleisure and the lanshop is closing and she do not have any money to go home and she got no money to eat. I offered her that i can go down to meet her and treat her some food as well as sending her home but she kept saying nevermind, dun ma fan me. A 14-yr-old gal alone out at Orchard and intending to walk home all the way to Bedok.. Siao. Of coz i'll be worried lah. Afterall shan's friend is also my friend. But still, in the end she still decline my goodwill. I'm fed-up with that. Kaoz. Nothing to say. Ma fan is me who ma fan, care so much for wat. Watever.
Sian. I'm out of job liao. Today was my last day. Haiz.. I know i'm hard to please.. Wanna quit and now i've got it and yet i'm sad.. haiz.. sian.. But wat makes me more sian is this: Two person of two different worlds are not meant to be together; Two person of the same world are not meant to be together as well.. There's always give and take, this is nature. An 'ACTIVE' being with a 'PASSIVE' is normal coz in theory there compromise more than any kind of combinations.. However, these are not true in some.. I wish i'm wrong abt this.. I'm tired.. Anyway, i'm not working for the time being. I hope these time can make me straighten out my thoughts..
Yesterday nite i went to Tan Tock Seng Hospital to see Erica.. I left my home at abt 11pm.. She said that she got gastric and was admitted into the hospitalthe day before.. =.=" She was put on drip.. The needle poking into her skin on her left hand looks painful.. >_<>_<>_< Wah lao.. So jialat.. Before i go, i help her to her bed and cover her blanket.. Now then i know she can be girly when she's ill.. Haha.. She was complaining softly but in pain to me that "very pain.. stomach pain.. hand pain.. ass pain..." Giggling a bit though really in pain.. I pat her on her head and asked her to rest bah.. Dun think so much so that the pain might lessen a bit.. Haiz.. Today she felt much better liao.. But dunno she discharged liao mah.. I told her to let me know when she discharged.. So worry abt her..
09 June, 2005
I've told my boss liao.. Finally, i guess.. Though when the news were broke him, he kept accusing us(me and my colleague, Jason) or rather only me, saying that we are playing him out.. As if we were trying to test and see if his company will fall if we were to play out on him.. haiz.. Darn sian.. I juz kept quiet and let him think wat he want to think, let him say wat he wanted to say.. Afterall, i need to act bad guy.. Haiz.. But anyway, it's indeed a great release for me.. ^^ At least it's not bottled up anymore.. If i were to feel sad for him, i might really continue working despite me not liking this job at all.. I shld not have started in the 1st place.. Only if i'm not being forced to work for him due to some circumstances.. Haiz.. Everything are interlinked.. I mean my 2 major stress of my life.. Sian.. But at least i've got great friends with me. ^_^ Life is afterall not a waste for me. =)
Actually there are some things i wanted to do but din carry out.. Neither did i even mentioned to anyone.. Some can be attained but not for the time being, some can be attained but seems pointless.. All these only got to do with one person, a gal.. Even as a friend, i would still like to do those for her.. Actually i dun wish to reveal that person.. Coz once she knows, she wun wan me to treat her this good.. maybe.. However, essential stuffs are fine with me.. ^^ OKIE, and the person is none other than..........Shan. =D
Wat are the things leh, actually nothing much lah.. hehe.. 1stly, she is super duper hard to contact. No tel and hp and she's mainly not at home.. =.=" Thus, i wanted to get her a hp coz hers had spoilt liao.. Even if it's merely a normal one, she also will be very happy de.. ^^ 2ndly, she's using prepaid card.. Which is very troublesome coz have to keep topping up.. Thus, i intend to get her a line using my name and paid for her every mth till she found a stable job.. 3rdly, her home is as chaotic as mine, thus, she dun like to go home de.. I actually intend to rent a room for her and let her stay but seems quite dangerous for a petite gal like her.. She's unlike Erica who is also renting a room and stay by herself. Erica is much more tougher than any gals i came across. Therefore, i intend to live with her so that the rental can be cut half for her and i can somehow protect her. Guys, dun think anyhow hor. >_< These are the current 3 things i wanna do for her.. The least i can help.. But i gotta settle my stuffs 1st.. Haiz.. If i still living with my uncle, i can straightaway ask her come over and stay liao.. No need to worry abt rental and computer and internet. She can have all the fun she want for Ragnarok. =/ Haiz.. See how things go lah..
Actually there are some things i wanted to do but din carry out.. Neither did i even mentioned to anyone.. Some can be attained but not for the time being, some can be attained but seems pointless.. All these only got to do with one person, a gal.. Even as a friend, i would still like to do those for her.. Actually i dun wish to reveal that person.. Coz once she knows, she wun wan me to treat her this good.. maybe.. However, essential stuffs are fine with me.. ^^ OKIE, and the person is none other than..........Shan. =D
Wat are the things leh, actually nothing much lah.. hehe.. 1stly, she is super duper hard to contact. No tel and hp and she's mainly not at home.. =.=" Thus, i wanted to get her a hp coz hers had spoilt liao.. Even if it's merely a normal one, she also will be very happy de.. ^^ 2ndly, she's using prepaid card.. Which is very troublesome coz have to keep topping up.. Thus, i intend to get her a line using my name and paid for her every mth till she found a stable job.. 3rdly, her home is as chaotic as mine, thus, she dun like to go home de.. I actually intend to rent a room for her and let her stay but seems quite dangerous for a petite gal like her.. She's unlike Erica who is also renting a room and stay by herself. Erica is much more tougher than any gals i came across. Therefore, i intend to live with her so that the rental can be cut half for her and i can somehow protect her. Guys, dun think anyhow hor. >_< These are the current 3 things i wanna do for her.. The least i can help.. But i gotta settle my stuffs 1st.. Haiz.. If i still living with my uncle, i can straightaway ask her come over and stay liao.. No need to worry abt rental and computer and internet. She can have all the fun she want for Ragnarok. =/ Haiz.. See how things go lah..
07 June, 2005
Haiz.. I'm sorry gal.. Too much stress lately made me not myself.. I hate to be like this.. I hope next wk onwards my life can get better... Life getting better is not becoz of my decision as mentioned earlier and also not becoz of your decision. I'm so stupid not to have noticed how tong ku and xing ku you are now, though you never say.. I'm sorry, my gal..
Today i felt that i'm as if i'm in Carisa's shoe last time.. Two choices of a decision. One to follow the heart, another to suit others.. Giving in to others at the expense of self, a feeling hard to bear for not following own heart.. Giving it at the cost of hurting others, a sadness arise in others.. Due to the nature of the same character, both are a tough choice to make.. Really almost made me choose the third choice, to escape from reality.. Running away will not solve the problem though.. Today is indeed a long long day for me.. Been thinking and thinking and thinking.. No one i wanted to turn to except for The One, whom i always turn to for comfort.. It's not that there's totally no one to turn to but i juz dunno why.. I juz needed The One the most.. Juz a sms, a call, or a glance.. And i'll be contented.. However, i do not wish to add on her burden into getting her to worry abt my prob as she oredi had enuff.. I dun wanna add on anymore of her stress.. I dun wanna bother her when she herself is oredi at the peak of falling.. Though nothing heard of her.. I kinda miss her..
Anyway, if she were to read my blog, i guess i've added even more pressure on her.. It's all my fault.. I shouldn't have.. Only if we really have telepathy.. =( I've called off that decision.. I shall concentrate on my life for now. Not gonna think abt anything else but to settle my stuffs one by one.. 1stly, i need to settle my work. I've been dragging enuff.. It's time that i've come to a final choice.. Regardless of how others look at me, regardless of how heartless ppl thought how i'm, i'm gonna make that crucial decision tomorrow... It might shattered my boss's dream but somethings cannot be forced.. Mian qiang shi mei you xing fu de.. >_<>_< And somemore i dun go online chat de.. Even in online gaming.. Anyway, that doesn't matter coz it doesn't really matter to me liao. ^_^ Dun have then dun have lor.. Anyway, i've a group of GREAT FRIENDS. =D I love you ppl!! I'm glad i'm alive!! =P
Okie now, tml gonna carry out my 1st settlement. Wish me luck. Oyasuminasai~~ ^o^
Today i felt that i'm as if i'm in Carisa's shoe last time.. Two choices of a decision. One to follow the heart, another to suit others.. Giving in to others at the expense of self, a feeling hard to bear for not following own heart.. Giving it at the cost of hurting others, a sadness arise in others.. Due to the nature of the same character, both are a tough choice to make.. Really almost made me choose the third choice, to escape from reality.. Running away will not solve the problem though.. Today is indeed a long long day for me.. Been thinking and thinking and thinking.. No one i wanted to turn to except for The One, whom i always turn to for comfort.. It's not that there's totally no one to turn to but i juz dunno why.. I juz needed The One the most.. Juz a sms, a call, or a glance.. And i'll be contented.. However, i do not wish to add on her burden into getting her to worry abt my prob as she oredi had enuff.. I dun wanna add on anymore of her stress.. I dun wanna bother her when she herself is oredi at the peak of falling.. Though nothing heard of her.. I kinda miss her..
Anyway, if she were to read my blog, i guess i've added even more pressure on her.. It's all my fault.. I shouldn't have.. Only if we really have telepathy.. =( I've called off that decision.. I shall concentrate on my life for now. Not gonna think abt anything else but to settle my stuffs one by one.. 1stly, i need to settle my work. I've been dragging enuff.. It's time that i've come to a final choice.. Regardless of how others look at me, regardless of how heartless ppl thought how i'm, i'm gonna make that crucial decision tomorrow... It might shattered my boss's dream but somethings cannot be forced.. Mian qiang shi mei you xing fu de.. >_<>_< And somemore i dun go online chat de.. Even in online gaming.. Anyway, that doesn't matter coz it doesn't really matter to me liao. ^_^ Dun have then dun have lor.. Anyway, i've a group of GREAT FRIENDS. =D I love you ppl!! I'm glad i'm alive!! =P
Okie now, tml gonna carry out my 1st settlement. Wish me luck. Oyasuminasai~~ ^o^
06 June, 2005
I wonder if anyone had heard abt this story.. This is not the actual version coz i can't remember it clearly..
Long time ago, there is a kingdom in a distant land. In there, there are two person. The Princess of the kingdom and a young man who join the army of the kingdom. Since young, these two were 'qing mei zhu ma'. The two of them are a loving couple but they are not married yet. It was peaceful in the kingdom for many decades until one day, the neighbour decide to attack this kingdom. The young man who is a member of the army of the kingdom, has to go on and defend his kingdom. While the princess stays in the church and pray for his safety and victory return.. It is not an ordinary church. In the church, ppl worshipped the God of Time. Rumors had it said that if one's prayers come true, he/she can have his/her wish comes true.. During the war, the young man was killed in battle.. When the news came to the princess, she wept very bitterly.. Thus, she went to the church and pray to the God of Time everyday.. One day, her prayers comes true and the God reveal infront of her. The God ask her "Do you really wish to have your loved one to come back to life? Even though it will cause you your life?" The princess reply "Yes, I'm willing to give up my life for him.. Please.. Grant me this wish..(sob)" Therefore, the God granted the princess's wish and bring the young man back to life but the God took the princess's soul and leave the dead body in the church.. The young man woke up in the battlefield seeing dead bodies around him and an arrow shooting thru his stomach but he's alive. He thought to himself, what's going on? i should have died.. He broke the arrow and pull it out of his body and proceed on back to his kingdom. When he reach his kingdom, he heard the news of the princess who had died in the church. Immediately, he ran to the church. Indeed, he saw his loved one laying there infront of the statue of God. He rush over and held her up but she got no response.. He cried and shouted to the God "Why is it like this? I'm already back but she's gone!! What's the point of me living on without her?!?! Answer me if you are really a God!!" Suddenly, the God appeared before him and said "She sacrificed her life for you, why are you still not happy about it?" The young man reply "I would rather die instead of her dying for me! Please, let her live and take my life! I'm willing to exchange my life for her!!" The God was touched by the young man, thus, she granted his wish and return the princess's soul and took the young man's soul.. When the princess woke up, she found herself laying in the young man's arms and she was so glad that she hug him tight.. However, there are no response from the guy. Then she came to realise that he too gave up his life for her... She wept and said "Why is it so hard for us to be together? Why is heaven being so unfair?" She doesn't want to live anymore, but she knows that if she were to bring her guy back to life, he's gonna do the same.. Regardless of how many times the process repeat itself, they will never meant to be in this life.. Thus, she kiss the guy goodbye and turn to the God and said "Oh god, I'm willing to sacrifice my life. But this time is not for my love. We might died but our love will never die. Thus, please take my life and bring peace to the world eternally.."
Hai.. The origin is from D.N.Angel. There's supposed to have two versions. This one mentioned is similar to the 1st version. What a touching story to me.. It seems like looking at me myself.. I'm willing to take up anything regardless of how hard the path is gonna be if i were to be with her.. Even she were to face quite a lot of problems, i'm willing to take everything and let myself suffer it all.. However, she would still think the same for me.. Sparing a thought for others is always our priority.. sigh.. Xuehui once told me that Love is selfish.. Selfish at times is okie but not too much.. There's no entire right or wrong in everything we do..
Ma Xiaoling wants to love but dare not love. She wants to cry but cannot cry. Yet, there are some who can love but dare not love. Yet, there are some who can cry but don't wanna cry..
It's juz like how some rich ppl wasting their food away when they can eat. Yet, those from poorer countries had nothing to eat when they wanted to eat..
Haiz.. Love is like that.. There are bound to have ups and downs, happiness and sadness.. All these are facts of life.. It juz depends on each on how to handle it.. I'm not expecting anything anymore.. I juz hope she can get my AN HAO.. No matter how the future brings, i'm not gonna run away from reality, i'll face the music.. I had my confirm ground. It all depends on her now.. There are some things i shouldn't say.. But i still have to say it.. I'm tired.. Since she wanted me to be, i shall be.. Me and her are of the same kind.. Pretend to be happy even though not. Pretend to feel nothing even though sad. Juz becoz do not wish the other party to worry, keeping everything inside and let everything seems fine..
So, my decision is to give up. Give up all hopes. Give up all dreams. But of coz, friendship is not given up. I've given myself one week from now.. When the time comes, watever i do will not be following my heart.. It is mean but nothing outta me will be bad. I'll treat her as good as i can. To the best i can. Thus, i'll treat even better than wat i'm.. I'll give her all i have without leaving anything for myself...
A week is not too long, not too short.. I always dun like to force ppl.. An answer is all i need from the one.. Even though the answer given is not of immediate effort but wanted me to wait, i can still change this decision and wait. Afterall, i've waited for Winjean for yrs last time.. I can survive without love for a period but not forever.. Even though i said i'm waiting for an answer, i've oredi prepared for the worst.. Given her nature, most probably is either no answer at all or ask me to go ahead with my decision.. I keep my fingers crossed.. I will not bother her for the time being, telling her how sad i am, how much i drunk, how lonely i am. I do not need any sympathy but the true heart..
Ten stressful jobs have been given to me. One more stressful job makes no different to me coz i will still survive. This is my life. I dun mind having another stressful job, i'm only afraid i cannot have another stressful job...
Long time ago, there is a kingdom in a distant land. In there, there are two person. The Princess of the kingdom and a young man who join the army of the kingdom. Since young, these two were 'qing mei zhu ma'. The two of them are a loving couple but they are not married yet. It was peaceful in the kingdom for many decades until one day, the neighbour decide to attack this kingdom. The young man who is a member of the army of the kingdom, has to go on and defend his kingdom. While the princess stays in the church and pray for his safety and victory return.. It is not an ordinary church. In the church, ppl worshipped the God of Time. Rumors had it said that if one's prayers come true, he/she can have his/her wish comes true.. During the war, the young man was killed in battle.. When the news came to the princess, she wept very bitterly.. Thus, she went to the church and pray to the God of Time everyday.. One day, her prayers comes true and the God reveal infront of her. The God ask her "Do you really wish to have your loved one to come back to life? Even though it will cause you your life?" The princess reply "Yes, I'm willing to give up my life for him.. Please.. Grant me this wish..(sob)" Therefore, the God granted the princess's wish and bring the young man back to life but the God took the princess's soul and leave the dead body in the church.. The young man woke up in the battlefield seeing dead bodies around him and an arrow shooting thru his stomach but he's alive. He thought to himself, what's going on? i should have died.. He broke the arrow and pull it out of his body and proceed on back to his kingdom. When he reach his kingdom, he heard the news of the princess who had died in the church. Immediately, he ran to the church. Indeed, he saw his loved one laying there infront of the statue of God. He rush over and held her up but she got no response.. He cried and shouted to the God "Why is it like this? I'm already back but she's gone!! What's the point of me living on without her?!?! Answer me if you are really a God!!" Suddenly, the God appeared before him and said "She sacrificed her life for you, why are you still not happy about it?" The young man reply "I would rather die instead of her dying for me! Please, let her live and take my life! I'm willing to exchange my life for her!!" The God was touched by the young man, thus, she granted his wish and return the princess's soul and took the young man's soul.. When the princess woke up, she found herself laying in the young man's arms and she was so glad that she hug him tight.. However, there are no response from the guy. Then she came to realise that he too gave up his life for her... She wept and said "Why is it so hard for us to be together? Why is heaven being so unfair?" She doesn't want to live anymore, but she knows that if she were to bring her guy back to life, he's gonna do the same.. Regardless of how many times the process repeat itself, they will never meant to be in this life.. Thus, she kiss the guy goodbye and turn to the God and said "Oh god, I'm willing to sacrifice my life. But this time is not for my love. We might died but our love will never die. Thus, please take my life and bring peace to the world eternally.."
Hai.. The origin is from D.N.Angel. There's supposed to have two versions. This one mentioned is similar to the 1st version. What a touching story to me.. It seems like looking at me myself.. I'm willing to take up anything regardless of how hard the path is gonna be if i were to be with her.. Even she were to face quite a lot of problems, i'm willing to take everything and let myself suffer it all.. However, she would still think the same for me.. Sparing a thought for others is always our priority.. sigh.. Xuehui once told me that Love is selfish.. Selfish at times is okie but not too much.. There's no entire right or wrong in everything we do..
Ma Xiaoling wants to love but dare not love. She wants to cry but cannot cry. Yet, there are some who can love but dare not love. Yet, there are some who can cry but don't wanna cry..
It's juz like how some rich ppl wasting their food away when they can eat. Yet, those from poorer countries had nothing to eat when they wanted to eat..
Haiz.. Love is like that.. There are bound to have ups and downs, happiness and sadness.. All these are facts of life.. It juz depends on each on how to handle it.. I'm not expecting anything anymore.. I juz hope she can get my AN HAO.. No matter how the future brings, i'm not gonna run away from reality, i'll face the music.. I had my confirm ground. It all depends on her now.. There are some things i shouldn't say.. But i still have to say it.. I'm tired.. Since she wanted me to be, i shall be.. Me and her are of the same kind.. Pretend to be happy even though not. Pretend to feel nothing even though sad. Juz becoz do not wish the other party to worry, keeping everything inside and let everything seems fine..
So, my decision is to give up. Give up all hopes. Give up all dreams. But of coz, friendship is not given up. I've given myself one week from now.. When the time comes, watever i do will not be following my heart.. It is mean but nothing outta me will be bad. I'll treat her as good as i can. To the best i can. Thus, i'll treat even better than wat i'm.. I'll give her all i have without leaving anything for myself...
A week is not too long, not too short.. I always dun like to force ppl.. An answer is all i need from the one.. Even though the answer given is not of immediate effort but wanted me to wait, i can still change this decision and wait. Afterall, i've waited for Winjean for yrs last time.. I can survive without love for a period but not forever.. Even though i said i'm waiting for an answer, i've oredi prepared for the worst.. Given her nature, most probably is either no answer at all or ask me to go ahead with my decision.. I keep my fingers crossed.. I will not bother her for the time being, telling her how sad i am, how much i drunk, how lonely i am. I do not need any sympathy but the true heart..
Ten stressful jobs have been given to me. One more stressful job makes no different to me coz i will still survive. This is my life. I dun mind having another stressful job, i'm only afraid i cannot have another stressful job...
29 May, 2005
Kinda so many had happen lately.. But actually, those were juz some old prob recurring.. haiz.. Never-ending prob.. >_< That time becoz of my work, i got so stress.. It's all abt how to be a bad guy and leave my company when it needed me the most after my colleague left.. My point of view being an outdoor sales executive is fun and different from wat i used to do. Totally a different approach. My boss is not really a fantastic person.. He can be nice at times and nasty at times.. Haiz.. He pressured me directly when he asked me that question. He asked me whether would i stay in the company and help him if my colleague were to leave.. Haiz.. I dun wanna say it out so soon as my reservist is juz next wk.. But he insist he wanted an ans from me.. So tong ku.. Got things to say but cannot say..
I understand that this seems to be an easy task to many but not to me.. There's more to it than meet the eye. It's not juz abt quitting, that's all.. Afterall way before i got enlisted into army i had already know my boss.. To date, it has been almost 7yrs since i knew him.. Walking outta him at a time like this is kinda bad.. Somemore the next job is not any better than current, but i juz want a lesser stress job for the time being.. I've got way too many things to shoulder and bottle-up.. If i stay here in this company i'm afraid i might juz simply burst into a million pieces.. That i'm not sure but i can feel it.. >_< So nan gao and tong ku inside me that day.. really have the urge to escape to paradise.. =/
That day shan suddenly called me early in the morning 6am.. And she was crying.. And she said she was drenched and was feeling cold.. From sleepy mode i immediately woke up, and i told her i'll be right there at where she is.. I got changed and washed up then i went out liao.. Took a cab and i reached Parkway. I saw her sitting there all alone and all wet.. =.= Wah lao, depressed also no need to like that torture urself mah.. Due to hurry out in a haste, i forgot to bring a windbreaker.. Thus, seeing her feelling cold, i wrap my arm around her and pull her close to reduce a bit of her coldness.. It wasn't of any help though and i got my clothes a bit wet coz her clothes were still wet.. =.= Therefore, we proceed to the coffeeshop and get some hot drinks and had our breakfast.. She looked so stunned and pale.. Haiz.. After that i walked her home then i make my way home.. I still got work that day but i reached home at abt 10am and was very tired liao.. Thus, i told my boss i not feeling well and i did not go work.. But ok lah.. Once a while did not go work it's fine de.. I'm glad that i'm still needed to some.. But then again, if she never tell me, i would never know and these would never happened.. I like to being confide in.. Coz at least i feel that i'm living for something and not juz live life.. =)
When the one u like push u around to others, it's really not nice.. =( Haiz.. Sad.. It often leads to other thoughts.. Does he/she doesn't like me anymore? Does he/she dun want me anymore? does he/she detest me oredi? Haiz.. Sian.. >_< Leaving a person for his/her own good is indeed noble; or izzit selfish? Retaining a person regardless of how tough the path of two will be is indeed a pleasure, or izzit suffering?
I dun know.. I'm lost.. Juz like stranded in the vast ocean.. Dunno how to go, where to go, wat to do.. >_< Haiz.. Indeed being borned into this world is cruel.. Is there any Angel out there who can help me? Or is there any Devil out there who can help me? I juz wanna slp.. I juz wanna dun care.. I juz wanna run away.. But i juz cannot do this... Wat am i toking abt? =.= I'm still gonna live. A new entity is awaiting me! A new life with her is awaiting me! Maybe a brand new environment to live is awaiting me! How can i give up without even having those awaiting me?!?! =P
Last but not least, got something to say to you: After i come back, we go catch a show then go somewhere quiet ok? I juz wanna be alone with you.. Even it's gonna be juz a little while.. Hope u dun turn me down again.. Drop me a sms and let me know ok? =)
I understand that this seems to be an easy task to many but not to me.. There's more to it than meet the eye. It's not juz abt quitting, that's all.. Afterall way before i got enlisted into army i had already know my boss.. To date, it has been almost 7yrs since i knew him.. Walking outta him at a time like this is kinda bad.. Somemore the next job is not any better than current, but i juz want a lesser stress job for the time being.. I've got way too many things to shoulder and bottle-up.. If i stay here in this company i'm afraid i might juz simply burst into a million pieces.. That i'm not sure but i can feel it.. >_< So nan gao and tong ku inside me that day.. really have the urge to escape to paradise.. =/
That day shan suddenly called me early in the morning 6am.. And she was crying.. And she said she was drenched and was feeling cold.. From sleepy mode i immediately woke up, and i told her i'll be right there at where she is.. I got changed and washed up then i went out liao.. Took a cab and i reached Parkway. I saw her sitting there all alone and all wet.. =.= Wah lao, depressed also no need to like that torture urself mah.. Due to hurry out in a haste, i forgot to bring a windbreaker.. Thus, seeing her feelling cold, i wrap my arm around her and pull her close to reduce a bit of her coldness.. It wasn't of any help though and i got my clothes a bit wet coz her clothes were still wet.. =.= Therefore, we proceed to the coffeeshop and get some hot drinks and had our breakfast.. She looked so stunned and pale.. Haiz.. After that i walked her home then i make my way home.. I still got work that day but i reached home at abt 10am and was very tired liao.. Thus, i told my boss i not feeling well and i did not go work.. But ok lah.. Once a while did not go work it's fine de.. I'm glad that i'm still needed to some.. But then again, if she never tell me, i would never know and these would never happened.. I like to being confide in.. Coz at least i feel that i'm living for something and not juz live life.. =)
When the one u like push u around to others, it's really not nice.. =( Haiz.. Sad.. It often leads to other thoughts.. Does he/she doesn't like me anymore? Does he/she dun want me anymore? does he/she detest me oredi? Haiz.. Sian.. >_< Leaving a person for his/her own good is indeed noble; or izzit selfish? Retaining a person regardless of how tough the path of two will be is indeed a pleasure, or izzit suffering?
I dun know.. I'm lost.. Juz like stranded in the vast ocean.. Dunno how to go, where to go, wat to do.. >_< Haiz.. Indeed being borned into this world is cruel.. Is there any Angel out there who can help me? Or is there any Devil out there who can help me? I juz wanna slp.. I juz wanna dun care.. I juz wanna run away.. But i juz cannot do this... Wat am i toking abt? =.= I'm still gonna live. A new entity is awaiting me! A new life with her is awaiting me! Maybe a brand new environment to live is awaiting me! How can i give up without even having those awaiting me?!?! =P
Last but not least, got something to say to you: After i come back, we go catch a show then go somewhere quiet ok? I juz wanna be alone with you.. Even it's gonna be juz a little while.. Hope u dun turn me down again.. Drop me a sms and let me know ok? =)
25 May, 2005
I've found these somewhere lately.. The guy who put up these are extremely prejudiced against women.. Kinda sad case but the world is not perfect. U can seriously find such kinds of ppl, be it males or females. Coz i've met some. =) Let's take a little look. Enjoy reading. ^^
"Every single one of us has made mistakes with women. We've been conned, duped and dazed by physical attraction. We've made fools of ourselves by kissing the feet of females who treated us like dirt. We've wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes chasing after women who lied to us and used us, and turned out to be rotten.But do we learn from our experiences? No. Every time we think it's going to be different. We think if we just try harder, or do one little thing differently, the result will change.Well, it's not going to change. If you keep pursuing the same kind of woman, you'll just get your heart broken over and over again.Keep a watchful eye out for the following list of women, and you'll be one step closer to curing yourself of habitual bitch-dating:1- Miss FeministThis woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male "patriarchy" would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, "All men think with their penises." Avoid her at all costs.2- Miss TakeShe's out for your money -- pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else's feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don't be fooled -- some apparently very "nice" girls are the greediest of them all.3- Miss RomanceThis type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are "princesses," and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.4- Miss ElusiveThis woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.5- Miss AngryLike Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don't like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they've ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there's no such thing as a nice guy -- they're all "jerks," "creeps" and "pigs." Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you're into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.6- Miss InsecureThis woman seems great at the start because she's very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don't take long to surface. Pretty soon she's calling you 10 times a day, asking to see "where the relationship is going," or because she "just wants to hear your voice." She needs constant reassurance that she's attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She's clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you're going to leave her at any moment for "someone better." This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.7- Miss BitchMiss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren't concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
8- Miss MeA close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as "daddy's little girl," and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.9- Miss DesperateWhether it's her baby clock ticking or she's the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married -- now. She doesn't care who the guy is or what he does -- as long as he's got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!10- Miss TurncoatShe's a conniving little piece of work who's an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you're hooked deep into the relationship (or married)… and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn't get her way.11- Miss TeaseUsually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she's a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can't trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she'll dump you in a heartbeat.12- Miss ControllingShe is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat -- everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.you've been warned!These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it's always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame. "
Lotsa gals after reading these muz have a lot in their minds. =) Let's not talk abt it coz 'jie shi jiu ying shi'. As long as u are clear of wat u are, there's no need for explainations. Of coz not all gals are bad. I've found a few nice ones though. Anyway, i dun really care much.. hehe.. Coz i've found 'The One'. The One may not be the Perfect One but my Most Important One. =)
"Every single one of us has made mistakes with women. We've been conned, duped and dazed by physical attraction. We've made fools of ourselves by kissing the feet of females who treated us like dirt. We've wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes chasing after women who lied to us and used us, and turned out to be rotten.But do we learn from our experiences? No. Every time we think it's going to be different. We think if we just try harder, or do one little thing differently, the result will change.Well, it's not going to change. If you keep pursuing the same kind of woman, you'll just get your heart broken over and over again.Keep a watchful eye out for the following list of women, and you'll be one step closer to curing yourself of habitual bitch-dating:1- Miss FeministThis woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male "patriarchy" would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, "All men think with their penises." Avoid her at all costs.2- Miss TakeShe's out for your money -- pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else's feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don't be fooled -- some apparently very "nice" girls are the greediest of them all.3- Miss RomanceThis type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are "princesses," and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.4- Miss ElusiveThis woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.5- Miss AngryLike Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don't like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they've ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there's no such thing as a nice guy -- they're all "jerks," "creeps" and "pigs." Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you're into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.6- Miss InsecureThis woman seems great at the start because she's very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don't take long to surface. Pretty soon she's calling you 10 times a day, asking to see "where the relationship is going," or because she "just wants to hear your voice." She needs constant reassurance that she's attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She's clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you're going to leave her at any moment for "someone better." This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.7- Miss BitchMiss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren't concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
8- Miss MeA close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as "daddy's little girl," and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.9- Miss DesperateWhether it's her baby clock ticking or she's the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married -- now. She doesn't care who the guy is or what he does -- as long as he's got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!10- Miss TurncoatShe's a conniving little piece of work who's an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you're hooked deep into the relationship (or married)… and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn't get her way.11- Miss TeaseUsually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she's a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can't trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she'll dump you in a heartbeat.12- Miss ControllingShe is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat -- everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.you've been warned!These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it's always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame. "
Lotsa gals after reading these muz have a lot in their minds. =) Let's not talk abt it coz 'jie shi jiu ying shi'. As long as u are clear of wat u are, there's no need for explainations. Of coz not all gals are bad. I've found a few nice ones though. Anyway, i dun really care much.. hehe.. Coz i've found 'The One'. The One may not be the Perfect One but my Most Important One. =)
22 May, 2005
Juz read this from my email..
Born in mth of JANUARY
* Ambitious and serious(not really)
* Loves to teach and be taught(kinda so)
* Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses(so that i can help where i can)
* Likes to criticize(not really, juz suaning nia)
* Hardworking and productive(not VERY but ok lah)
* Smart, neat and organized(erm.. dun think so. =P)
* Sensitive and has deep thoughts(exactly)
* Knows how to make others happy(sometimes lah..)
* Quiet unless excited or tensed(quite true)
* Rather reserved(yeah, at times)
* Highly attentive(depends on mood. =P)
* Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds(you got it)
* Romantic but has difficulties expressing love(lolx.. this i do not know. =P)
* Loves children(mostly)
* Homely person(yeah, my games' faults =P)
* Loyal(kinda so, but depends..)
* Needs to improve social abilities(=.=" dun tell me to do things..)
* Easily jealous(yup but doesn't show and easily suppressed also)
Haha.. Anyway, these aren't gonna change me! =P Weixing will always be weixing~~ Lalalala~~
My wk's schedule is kinda totally full.. so darn occupied. lolx. =P Wed, took carisa and jenny to Parkway to play RO. I was kinda a bad teacher like wat TPL and Shan said. lolx.. I only got one mind lor, really dunno how to handle them both. =P Pardon me eh.. hehe. Time is not enuff to get them to get used to the game. For ppl who do not play games, it's kinda hard to let them get the hand of it but i wun give up. Since Jenny wanna play, i shall teach her all i know. =) Thursday supposed to meet ys for his bday celebration de but he din take leave so we postponed to friday.
Friday was a long day sia.. Met YS and JL at Raffles mrt then we go to Lau Pau Sa to eat. then after that we move on to Paradiz center to play billard. Then Erica was there and she wanted to go chiong.. =.= That day she was total pink sia.. lol.. Erica wanted to go Chinablack de but i knew Celena was going to devils so i wanted to see if she's alrite at there. Thus, erica was dragged along by me. haha. Then the queue at there was so long sia! Somemore Andrew went home liao and Terrance wasn't able to get us in. Haiz.. Then Erica kept complaining that if went Chinablack, we wun need to queue at all.. lolx.. Juz like her char. =P Then we went in liao and we went on to find Celz at 3rd floor at the back of the counter towards the end. Celz was with 2 guys i do not know at all. But anyway, seeing her looking fine, shld be ok bah. haha.. Friday really spent a lot sia.. Took cab from parklane to devils, paid for 2 entrance fees, paid for all the drinks ordered, and lastly took cab home from devils.. sob sob sob.. Anyway, once a while, it's ok lah. heh. Erica really can drink sia, i ordered one jur of Vodka lime and within a min, she drank half liao. =.=" Scary sia. Thus we can like finished up the whole jur in less than 5min.. lolx. Therefore i was pretty drunk very quickly. =/
Then Celena and Erica ganged up on me. =.= !st, erica pass me her bag and ask me to carry it for her then cel also pass me hers(when did i become a hanger? =.="). Then Erica went on to unbutton my top button of my shirt while cel fold up my collars and ask me to pose for the camera. =.=" I dun have the pic. haha.. Anyway, i dun wanna show also. muahahaha. =P Then the two siao char bo danced seductively in front of me sia. omg =.=" Well, 1st time sees cel so daring. lolx. But then Cel leaft early that nite. without a word somemore.. haiz.. =P I was left with erica dancing near the dancefloor then suddenly i saw a almost bareback gal with quite good figure dancing on the bench with her friends. Then i saw her bunny-teeth and i found that that was Keqing. lolx. No wonder lah. i thot which chio bu sia. haha. But we juz exchange a smile only. Coz after that Erica was kinda drunk and she loses her balance so i held on to her and grab her before she falls. Then she falls on me =.=" which makes me almost lose my balance sia.. lolx.. She made me feel weak sia. lolx. Then after that she push me away and carry on pressing on her hp while i carry on dancing. Then again she falls forward and i catch hold of her. this time she hugged me real tight.. Then she asked me "How come the one i like doesn't like me?" I was like "huh? how i know ah?" We settle down at the narrow corridor near the dancefloor and she sat on the floor and smoke while i squat down and lean against the wall on the back beside her. She wrapped around my arms and lay on my shoulder. Haiz.. really dun like to see ppl getting sad yet being so powerless. After that i accompany her to the toilet while i waited outside sitting on the chair. When she got out, i stand up and let her sit while i resting on the railling and hold on to the railing. Again she took my shoulder and lean on it thus i gave her a hug to comfort her but she held me even tighter and her face was so close to my neck(almost kissing it) and i felt a shiver.. My thoughts came, "wat if she bites me on the neck? >_<" However, it was very comfortable. At least this is something i can do to at least ease a bit of her pain.. Then i found that i missed someone.. Haiz.. And yet she's not around me. Really wish to give her a hug to ease all the pain she's going thru now.. =( Afterall i'm juz an empty shell to Erica.. For my heart had been long stolen..
As i promised shan that i wanted to bring her go watch show. So i met up with her yest. Yesterday since morning i've been having headache, hangover i guess. Then i tried taking panadol at noon after lunch but i can't seems to have it swallowed.. >_<
Yeah tml got majong session! hehe..
19 May, 2005
I had been thinking abt this and i can't seems to find an answer to that.
"If a person knows that he's gonna die soon, he made his gal leave him. So that he can suffer the pain in silence and without bothering the gal and make her life miserable.." Is this concern abt the gal or is this being selfish?
Concern? Becoz he dun wanna drag the gal into the picture to suffer the unnecessary pain with him..
Selfish? Becoz he shld let her know so that she can not only share his happiness but sadness as well..
I seriously cannot think it thru. Sometimes i can even think until i cannot slp at all. Can someone give me some opinions? post it in my comments please coz that space is bigger and you can type more. My tagboard is too limited for words. Any help will be greatly appreciated!! Onegai!!
Relationships can really be a hassle in life.. So many problems, so many worries, so many sadness, so many arguments, so many headaches.. But most of all, muz have happiness. A r/s without happiness at all is total meaningless. Nowadays it's not like last time.. Parents choose ur life-partner for u and wat u both parties gonna do is 'pei yang gan qing'.. Nowadays ppl wanna get married, juz married; wanna divorced, juz divorced; wanna go into r/s, juz go; wanna break off, juz break off.. Love is nothing but juz a game? =.="
When married, the gal will move over to stay with the guy. Be it alone or with his parents. Once married, will definitely stay together. Different life that's gonna become.. I used to ponder abt a problem, which is "Would you get bored if you were to see your loved one everyday? Let's say 20yrs down the road.." I can't have a definite answer to that as i've been thru it. Some ppl can, some ppl cannot. Being with a person but not married, can be a totally different story when married. Bad things might be reveal after married, good things might be reveal after married. No one can have a definite answer to whatever might comes.. U know it's juz like wat? It's juz like the thrill in courting the one u like or being court by someone. After after getting the goal, the thrill is no longer there. Thus, making the r/s boring. From wat i can see is, when courting a gal, the guy would treat the gal extremely good. But after getting her, will still treat her good but not as good as before. Same thing for the other gender, when being courted, the guy will dote on her a lot but after being together not much doting gotten. Either way, either party might get bored and grew tired of it. This is human nature which no one can truely understand.. However, there's no sure thing, coz there are some who proved me wrong. =) Thus, it's always a good thing to learn from mistakes, learn from others.
As for me, i'll not grow tired of her or it unless i'm being forced to. If i got a gf, i can make the extra effort to send her to work and pick her up from work everyday if time permits. "to give unconditionly.." It might be kinda mono but absolutely i will not mind.. However, i'm indeed a weird guy. If i got a gf who demand that i must send her to work and pick her up from work everyday, i would rather i will not have such gf. Let's tok abt normal stuffs. My younger sister's hp line is under my name. I went to get the line for her without expecting anything back. And somemore i'm paying for it ever since then. Now she juz completed her O-level and is working part-time. I never asked a freaking single cent from her even though i'm freaking penniless! One of my platoon-mate actually ask me to get a line for him as under his name there's still some outstanding. However, he said he would return me whenever the bill comes. I juz have to tell him how much the bill and he will pass me the money. Do u know till now how many months of bill he owed me? Frankly, i had lost count. And i dun intend to count back. Wat i gonna do is wait for his line's contract to end so that i can terminate the line. Before that i would still pay for it without any condition but one, our friendship had ended. I can be goddamn good but dun take me for granted. I love being appreciated but not for granted. Even if i'm being forced to do something, i'm still being taken for granted. Why? Coz i'm too good liao. If i only left $300 on me for me to use until 15days later, and someone ask me for it for all, i would still pass him/her the money. But in my heart, that person had left a black mark. Regarding how many black marks till i totally ignored that person or treat that person coldly.. I've got no idea. If u really wan to know, juz try me.
I'm such a hard person to get along with. I'm such a troublesome person. I'm such a freaking bad person. I'm such a unreasonable person. I'm such a dun-care person. So, now shoo and buzz off. I'm not even worth to be called a friend of yours. Goodbye.
Over-sensative, over-concern, over-suspicous, over-bo-chap, etc. All are not for me. Being a 'Hi-Bye' can liao. I will still survive without such people in my life. Same thing goes for love. I will still survive without a gf/wife in my life. Oh man, weixing is so mean. yeah? I guess so.. Afterall i'm a bad guy who is trying so hard to turn good. Sometimes i really dun understand wat had got into me.. I was indeed a very bad guy in the past.. Wat kind of bad things i've never done before? I don't know! For there are too many! It's easy to be bad, hard to be good. How i wish i've never even tried to be good.. But anyway, i've come such a long way to pay for my sin. I shall carry on, i guess.. However, tomorrow is gonna be a 'decision-making-day' for me.. If ppl see a drastic change in me, it would show that bad news are broke to me and i'm giving up everything and return to be a bad guy... I can't tell the future but i had planned my path a month ago.. tml is gonna be the biggest day in my whole life.. May the god dun bless me.
"If a person knows that he's gonna die soon, he made his gal leave him. So that he can suffer the pain in silence and without bothering the gal and make her life miserable.." Is this concern abt the gal or is this being selfish?
Concern? Becoz he dun wanna drag the gal into the picture to suffer the unnecessary pain with him..
Selfish? Becoz he shld let her know so that she can not only share his happiness but sadness as well..
I seriously cannot think it thru. Sometimes i can even think until i cannot slp at all. Can someone give me some opinions? post it in my comments please coz that space is bigger and you can type more. My tagboard is too limited for words. Any help will be greatly appreciated!! Onegai!!
Relationships can really be a hassle in life.. So many problems, so many worries, so many sadness, so many arguments, so many headaches.. But most of all, muz have happiness. A r/s without happiness at all is total meaningless. Nowadays it's not like last time.. Parents choose ur life-partner for u and wat u both parties gonna do is 'pei yang gan qing'.. Nowadays ppl wanna get married, juz married; wanna divorced, juz divorced; wanna go into r/s, juz go; wanna break off, juz break off.. Love is nothing but juz a game? =.="
When married, the gal will move over to stay with the guy. Be it alone or with his parents. Once married, will definitely stay together. Different life that's gonna become.. I used to ponder abt a problem, which is "Would you get bored if you were to see your loved one everyday? Let's say 20yrs down the road.." I can't have a definite answer to that as i've been thru it. Some ppl can, some ppl cannot. Being with a person but not married, can be a totally different story when married. Bad things might be reveal after married, good things might be reveal after married. No one can have a definite answer to whatever might comes.. U know it's juz like wat? It's juz like the thrill in courting the one u like or being court by someone. After after getting the goal, the thrill is no longer there. Thus, making the r/s boring. From wat i can see is, when courting a gal, the guy would treat the gal extremely good. But after getting her, will still treat her good but not as good as before. Same thing for the other gender, when being courted, the guy will dote on her a lot but after being together not much doting gotten. Either way, either party might get bored and grew tired of it. This is human nature which no one can truely understand.. However, there's no sure thing, coz there are some who proved me wrong. =) Thus, it's always a good thing to learn from mistakes, learn from others.
As for me, i'll not grow tired of her or it unless i'm being forced to. If i got a gf, i can make the extra effort to send her to work and pick her up from work everyday if time permits. "to give unconditionly.." It might be kinda mono but absolutely i will not mind.. However, i'm indeed a weird guy. If i got a gf who demand that i must send her to work and pick her up from work everyday, i would rather i will not have such gf. Let's tok abt normal stuffs. My younger sister's hp line is under my name. I went to get the line for her without expecting anything back. And somemore i'm paying for it ever since then. Now she juz completed her O-level and is working part-time. I never asked a freaking single cent from her even though i'm freaking penniless! One of my platoon-mate actually ask me to get a line for him as under his name there's still some outstanding. However, he said he would return me whenever the bill comes. I juz have to tell him how much the bill and he will pass me the money. Do u know till now how many months of bill he owed me? Frankly, i had lost count. And i dun intend to count back. Wat i gonna do is wait for his line's contract to end so that i can terminate the line. Before that i would still pay for it without any condition but one, our friendship had ended. I can be goddamn good but dun take me for granted. I love being appreciated but not for granted. Even if i'm being forced to do something, i'm still being taken for granted. Why? Coz i'm too good liao. If i only left $300 on me for me to use until 15days later, and someone ask me for it for all, i would still pass him/her the money. But in my heart, that person had left a black mark. Regarding how many black marks till i totally ignored that person or treat that person coldly.. I've got no idea. If u really wan to know, juz try me.
I'm such a hard person to get along with. I'm such a troublesome person. I'm such a freaking bad person. I'm such a unreasonable person. I'm such a dun-care person. So, now shoo and buzz off. I'm not even worth to be called a friend of yours. Goodbye.
Over-sensative, over-concern, over-suspicous, over-bo-chap, etc. All are not for me. Being a 'Hi-Bye' can liao. I will still survive without such people in my life. Same thing goes for love. I will still survive without a gf/wife in my life. Oh man, weixing is so mean. yeah? I guess so.. Afterall i'm a bad guy who is trying so hard to turn good. Sometimes i really dun understand wat had got into me.. I was indeed a very bad guy in the past.. Wat kind of bad things i've never done before? I don't know! For there are too many! It's easy to be bad, hard to be good. How i wish i've never even tried to be good.. But anyway, i've come such a long way to pay for my sin. I shall carry on, i guess.. However, tomorrow is gonna be a 'decision-making-day' for me.. If ppl see a drastic change in me, it would show that bad news are broke to me and i'm giving up everything and return to be a bad guy... I can't tell the future but i had planned my path a month ago.. tml is gonna be the biggest day in my whole life.. May the god dun bless me.
16 May, 2005
Now i know it's hard to love. It wasn't as easy as what i've thought. Even though i was told to go on and find someone else. I dunno how. I dunno why. I juz can't.
I was meeting shan yesterday. It was a lazy sunday. The day was started with a majong session at JL's place. 2pm but i was kinda 'a bit' late.. =P So, who were there? JL, Wendy, me and a friend of JL(his camp-mate, i think). The game doesn't go smoothly for me(as expected). Once you think of it in a bad way, u kinda expected it. So when u win, you will be 10 times more happier. So when you lose, u will not feel that disappointed coz you had expected it to be. =) End of game i've lost almost all my chips.. lolx.. Tough luck day. =P Anyway, after the game, JL treated me to Sakae Sushi. O.O Though he was the only one winning, also win not much.. Treating me will have to dig out somemore from his own pocket to top-up.. sigh.. But then still got treated by him. Haha.. I eat until quite full though. Long time no eat jap food liao. After the dinner i went back home for a bath then proceed on to Jurong East IMM to pick up shan. I was late for abt 30min, i think.. =P paiseh lah.. hehe.. Then we go on to River Valley to have prata. Shan is power sia.. She ordered 4 egg pratas!! Hahaha.. I only ate one coz i'm still too full liao.. haha.. We chatted quite long and she order 2 more egg pratas for her family. When calling for bill, i paid most of it though.. Dun wan her to use her hard-earn money.
Ppl who do not know, thought that i've got a thing for her. Juz becoz she's cute? =.=" Nope. I did not. Juz dunno why, i have got no feel at all. I would have treated anyone the same.. Haiz.. I'm so unlike myself in the past.. That's why i say even though i wanted to, i also wun have any feeling..
A gal told me that best is to 'follow ur own heart'. However, 'following ur heart' will cause a lot of troubles.. So many problems, so many headaches, so many troubles.. That i agree.. "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To be loved by the one you love is everything". To me, it's almost an extreme.. Well, i've been thinking the whole day.. If she decided not to follow her heart, i will not too.. Thus, even though i were to be together with someone whom i had no feelings at all, i would still go on..
Wat is the main diff, if u ask? Being with 'the one', i would treat her all the best i can ever give. I would give 90% of my heart to her, any other gal will only get 1%. Being with 'not the one', i would treat everyone equally. Juz that the meeting with shan as an example. If i'm with 'the one', i will not go all the way to her workplace to meet her, i would simply meet her at Tiong Bahru MRT then bring her there since she do not know the place. If i'm with 'not the one', i will go all the way to her workplace to pick her up. Sigh.. Why am i saying all these..? Am i really giving up on myself rather than giving her up? I do not know. I dare not know.
What i know is, i will do wat i want no matter wat might comes. Be it gonna be 'following my heart' or 'aganst my wish'. That is all depending on how things gonna turn out.. Wat kind of hardships i've never been thru? Wat kind of pain i've never came across? None of these can be compared to seeing ur love being not happy with her life at all. For this, i'm willing to suffer together with her. Be it a short while or a lifetime. Unless miracles really exist and let me find another who is as good as her in me. So far, none. I say again, none.
One night, the star said to me. "If he/she makes you cry, why don't you leave her?" So, I look back at the star and said. "Star, would you ever leave your sky?"
To her: You think this is true and it applies to your life right? Well, it applies to mine too..
"Don't search for love, let love search for you, that is why its called falling in love, because you don't actually force yourself to love. You just fall... Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. There's a place in my heart that's yours alone. A place in my heart that no one can own. The tears in my eyes I can hide away, but the pain in my heart will always stay. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. A sad thing about life is that when you met someone that means a lot to you but only to find out in the end it was never bound to be and you just have to let it go. What is important is not how long we had been together, but we actually had it started. Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them. When a door of happiness closes. Another opens. But so often at times we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opening at us."
Sigh.. I need a drink to think better.. Bye bye.
I was meeting shan yesterday. It was a lazy sunday. The day was started with a majong session at JL's place. 2pm but i was kinda 'a bit' late.. =P So, who were there? JL, Wendy, me and a friend of JL(his camp-mate, i think). The game doesn't go smoothly for me(as expected). Once you think of it in a bad way, u kinda expected it. So when u win, you will be 10 times more happier. So when you lose, u will not feel that disappointed coz you had expected it to be. =) End of game i've lost almost all my chips.. lolx.. Tough luck day. =P Anyway, after the game, JL treated me to Sakae Sushi. O.O Though he was the only one winning, also win not much.. Treating me will have to dig out somemore from his own pocket to top-up.. sigh.. But then still got treated by him. Haha.. I eat until quite full though. Long time no eat jap food liao. After the dinner i went back home for a bath then proceed on to Jurong East IMM to pick up shan. I was late for abt 30min, i think.. =P paiseh lah.. hehe.. Then we go on to River Valley to have prata. Shan is power sia.. She ordered 4 egg pratas!! Hahaha.. I only ate one coz i'm still too full liao.. haha.. We chatted quite long and she order 2 more egg pratas for her family. When calling for bill, i paid most of it though.. Dun wan her to use her hard-earn money.
Ppl who do not know, thought that i've got a thing for her. Juz becoz she's cute? =.=" Nope. I did not. Juz dunno why, i have got no feel at all. I would have treated anyone the same.. Haiz.. I'm so unlike myself in the past.. That's why i say even though i wanted to, i also wun have any feeling..
A gal told me that best is to 'follow ur own heart'. However, 'following ur heart' will cause a lot of troubles.. So many problems, so many headaches, so many troubles.. That i agree.. "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To be loved by the one you love is everything". To me, it's almost an extreme.. Well, i've been thinking the whole day.. If she decided not to follow her heart, i will not too.. Thus, even though i were to be together with someone whom i had no feelings at all, i would still go on..
Wat is the main diff, if u ask? Being with 'the one', i would treat her all the best i can ever give. I would give 90% of my heart to her, any other gal will only get 1%. Being with 'not the one', i would treat everyone equally. Juz that the meeting with shan as an example. If i'm with 'the one', i will not go all the way to her workplace to meet her, i would simply meet her at Tiong Bahru MRT then bring her there since she do not know the place. If i'm with 'not the one', i will go all the way to her workplace to pick her up. Sigh.. Why am i saying all these..? Am i really giving up on myself rather than giving her up? I do not know. I dare not know.
What i know is, i will do wat i want no matter wat might comes. Be it gonna be 'following my heart' or 'aganst my wish'. That is all depending on how things gonna turn out.. Wat kind of hardships i've never been thru? Wat kind of pain i've never came across? None of these can be compared to seeing ur love being not happy with her life at all. For this, i'm willing to suffer together with her. Be it a short while or a lifetime. Unless miracles really exist and let me find another who is as good as her in me. So far, none. I say again, none.
One night, the star said to me. "If he/she makes you cry, why don't you leave her?" So, I look back at the star and said. "Star, would you ever leave your sky?"
To her: You think this is true and it applies to your life right? Well, it applies to mine too..
"Don't search for love, let love search for you, that is why its called falling in love, because you don't actually force yourself to love. You just fall... Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. There's a place in my heart that's yours alone. A place in my heart that no one can own. The tears in my eyes I can hide away, but the pain in my heart will always stay. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. A sad thing about life is that when you met someone that means a lot to you but only to find out in the end it was never bound to be and you just have to let it go. What is important is not how long we had been together, but we actually had it started. Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them. When a door of happiness closes. Another opens. But so often at times we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opening at us."
Sigh.. I need a drink to think better.. Bye bye.
10 May, 2005
There are so many things up in my brain.. >_<>
Will u stay by the side of someone u no longer love? I know someone who would.. I used to be like that.. I was with that person for a few mths but after that i've found that i do not like her like wat i used to be.. However, i still hang on coz i dun wanna hurt her.. She broke off with me rather than me breaking up with her.. Sparing a thought for others before self.. Izzit good or izzit bad..? For love, there's no right and wrong.. Juz like my case.. I was right becoz i dun wanna hurt her, i spare a thought for her.. I was wrong becoz i was kinda deceiving her, making her feel that she was still being loved by me.. It is really a tough nut to crack. =.= Come to think abt it.. Luckily she broke off with me after a few wks.. I really can't imagine how things gonna turn out if she never wanted a breakup.. >_<
Will u stay on and wait for the person after that person broke off with u and treating u badly to make u shoo? I know someone who would.. I dun used to be like that coz i've never came across.. lolx.. =P Ok, back to the issue.. Since that person is treating u badly thereafter the relationship fails, it clearly stated that the person wants you to give up totally. Maybe that's not the case(that i do not know). For wat i did last time was saying harsh things to karen to make her sad and turn away.... sigh.. I'm not saying that person is in the wrong coz i'm in no position to say that. =( But anyway, it's not adviseable to dwell over "spilled bean".. Everyone has got a life and it's short. So, live on. Everyone is good in saying but not doing. Same goes for me. I can say that i wanted to quit smoking by the end of this mth, however, i've never started quitting. Come on, talk is cheap. It wun pain to talk more. But actions will be paid off for the effort but not talks. This can apply to a lot of my friends in my life including myself.. Haiz.. Human nature? Whatever.
If u see a little gal running round the playground and suddenly she fell down and u went over to life her up. When she got up, she carry on running. =.=" Was it outta mischief or she knows that if she falls again i'll be there to pick her up? Depending on others is comforting.. Being too depending is bad.. Wat if someday, ur support-pillar gonna fails u? haiz.. I myself prefer a bit of dependent and a bit of independent.. Juz like how i prefer prefered a guai gal with a little huai.. lolx.. Dun worry, i've found her. *wink* =D
I've juz read Shan's new blog. Kinda quite a complicated thingy for a young gal. Got an urge to stop her doing stupid things but i can't seems to letting myself do it.. There are ppl asking me to go ahead and help her up, letting her get her own stand.. There are ppl who asked me not to go and care abt her as she does not worth my time and effort.. All 'these' ppl know her but some she doesn't know. hehe.. Letting myself make the decision. I will still care for her no matter what. Not everything, but to the best of my ability. If becoz of wat i did, i gain a chance to take good care of her, i wun want it. If becoz of wat i did, i din stand a chance at all, it's doesn't matter to me coz without that i can still live on. ^_^ Regarding why i would not want it, it's becoz 'ai qing bu shi tong qing'.
Juz like my friend who work at SLS. If i really gave her a chance, it would mean tong qing. All these started becoz of my colleague.. =.= He scared that i'm a gay coz since the time i know him(i know him before i enter army and that time i'm with karen... i can't possibly tell him "i've got a gf but i cannot show u").. lol.. Then after army i'm to working with him and for one whole yr i dun have a gf.. So, he ask me to go chase that gal lor.. To prove him that i'm not a gay so i initiate the move and i back off halfway and got myself stucked in the middle.. haiz.. He would only teach me bad things and got me into nothing but troubles.. hehe.. No lah.. actually he taught me a lot.. He taught me how to see such things easily. Wan to go in rs, juz go. Wan to give up, juz give up, anyway gals only mah.. =.=" I'm bad learner though.. haha
In relationships there's two kinds of ppl i hate. Each for each gender. For guys, those whose minds are only into sex. =.=" For gals, those whose minds are only into money. When both gets together, it makes a joke. As a guy point of view, i can jolly well say that going to whorehouse is much better. Cheaper and more experienced. Well, a relationship can still live without sex but a marriage is diff.. Anyway, i will not ask for it but neither will i decline it but still gonna depends on who is the other side. =P As a gal point of view, getting money for having my body being abused. Dirty and rich. Putting other's misery into self satisfaction. Wat the? I'm not discriminating anyone nor pinpointing anyone so pls do not take these 'too' seriously. But learn it, learn it from others but not thru the hard way.
I've found someone who is like that. It's a she and she's getting on my nerves. There was once i jio her go clubbing and she said that she no money to go so i told her this, "nevermind lah, if a bit i still can help but i will not help ur friend(who is a guy i do not know)". And now she treated it that watever she wants i will get it for her.. =.=" As most ppl know, i always give unconditionally without taking back much.. >_<>
I know the real reason for getting kinda upset the other time liao.. It was all happened on a fateful friday nite.. I was kinda being showed that someone else is better than me.. At 1st, i dun really care much coz afterall we are in discreet and i cannot show too much on my face.. That will only give me away.. Then after that i can see that guy was pretty happy with himself dancing with her.. =.=" Makes me feel so uncomfortable.. I know, this is so called jealous.. Somemore that day before i went over to the club i drank half a bottle of Jim Bean, already quite tipsy liao.. I guess i tend to think a lot of nonsences when i'm high.. I let the matter sink with a smile though but by pressing my heart.. But after a few days, they actually went out again late at night.. I felt that as if i was distanced, and i wasn't prepared at that moment.. Luckily there was no outburst.. I had myself contained.. Now i'm back to myself. =) As for now, even though anyone were to go after her, i will not stop that coz i do not have the rights to, and it's her life afterall and i dun not wish to invade into hers.. I treasured my freedom and privacy so do i respect others'.. Afterall we are in discreet. Even though she's gonna go off with another guy, i will wave to her and wish her all the best, with a smile of coz. =)
"What is meant to be will be, What isn't meant to be will never be" Haha.. "I will not forget you even if u ask me to, but i will forgive". "There's no point having an empty shell. I rather not to have anything". Zhen Zhen told Tian You "If u dun love me, dun bite me.(bitting will cause eternal life, vampire. Eternally with the person u dun like..)" Thus, i will say "If u dun love me, let it go.(letting go will not let me have false hopes)". If i choose to die, i will choose a fast and hurtful way rather than a slow and less pain way. Coz it's vice versa if u think carefully. =)
I've finishing seeing 'A date with Vampire part 1 & 2'. Both also very touching but doesn't seems to move me to tears.. lolx. Afterall i'm not that emotional.. Maybe.. Whether is that true, i'm not sure myself.. Even when my dad gonna die one day, i dun think i will cry also.. But if it's gonna be my dog, 'maybe' i will. Maybe not.. tired liao. nite all.
Will u stay by the side of someone u no longer love? I know someone who would.. I used to be like that.. I was with that person for a few mths but after that i've found that i do not like her like wat i used to be.. However, i still hang on coz i dun wanna hurt her.. She broke off with me rather than me breaking up with her.. Sparing a thought for others before self.. Izzit good or izzit bad..? For love, there's no right and wrong.. Juz like my case.. I was right becoz i dun wanna hurt her, i spare a thought for her.. I was wrong becoz i was kinda deceiving her, making her feel that she was still being loved by me.. It is really a tough nut to crack. =.= Come to think abt it.. Luckily she broke off with me after a few wks.. I really can't imagine how things gonna turn out if she never wanted a breakup.. >_<
Will u stay on and wait for the person after that person broke off with u and treating u badly to make u shoo? I know someone who would.. I dun used to be like that coz i've never came across.. lolx.. =P Ok, back to the issue.. Since that person is treating u badly thereafter the relationship fails, it clearly stated that the person wants you to give up totally. Maybe that's not the case(that i do not know). For wat i did last time was saying harsh things to karen to make her sad and turn away.... sigh.. I'm not saying that person is in the wrong coz i'm in no position to say that. =( But anyway, it's not adviseable to dwell over "spilled bean".. Everyone has got a life and it's short. So, live on. Everyone is good in saying but not doing. Same goes for me. I can say that i wanted to quit smoking by the end of this mth, however, i've never started quitting. Come on, talk is cheap. It wun pain to talk more. But actions will be paid off for the effort but not talks. This can apply to a lot of my friends in my life including myself.. Haiz.. Human nature? Whatever.
If u see a little gal running round the playground and suddenly she fell down and u went over to life her up. When she got up, she carry on running. =.=" Was it outta mischief or she knows that if she falls again i'll be there to pick her up? Depending on others is comforting.. Being too depending is bad.. Wat if someday, ur support-pillar gonna fails u? haiz.. I myself prefer a bit of dependent and a bit of independent.. Juz like how i prefer prefered a guai gal with a little huai.. lolx.. Dun worry, i've found her. *wink* =D
I've juz read Shan's new blog. Kinda quite a complicated thingy for a young gal. Got an urge to stop her doing stupid things but i can't seems to letting myself do it.. There are ppl asking me to go ahead and help her up, letting her get her own stand.. There are ppl who asked me not to go and care abt her as she does not worth my time and effort.. All 'these' ppl know her but some she doesn't know. hehe.. Letting myself make the decision. I will still care for her no matter what. Not everything, but to the best of my ability. If becoz of wat i did, i gain a chance to take good care of her, i wun want it. If becoz of wat i did, i din stand a chance at all, it's doesn't matter to me coz without that i can still live on. ^_^ Regarding why i would not want it, it's becoz 'ai qing bu shi tong qing'.
Juz like my friend who work at SLS. If i really gave her a chance, it would mean tong qing. All these started becoz of my colleague.. =.= He scared that i'm a gay coz since the time i know him(i know him before i enter army and that time i'm with karen... i can't possibly tell him "i've got a gf but i cannot show u").. lol.. Then after army i'm to working with him and for one whole yr i dun have a gf.. So, he ask me to go chase that gal lor.. To prove him that i'm not a gay so i initiate the move and i back off halfway and got myself stucked in the middle.. haiz.. He would only teach me bad things and got me into nothing but troubles.. hehe.. No lah.. actually he taught me a lot.. He taught me how to see such things easily. Wan to go in rs, juz go. Wan to give up, juz give up, anyway gals only mah.. =.=" I'm bad learner though.. haha
In relationships there's two kinds of ppl i hate. Each for each gender. For guys, those whose minds are only into sex. =.=" For gals, those whose minds are only into money. When both gets together, it makes a joke. As a guy point of view, i can jolly well say that going to whorehouse is much better. Cheaper and more experienced. Well, a relationship can still live without sex but a marriage is diff.. Anyway, i will not ask for it but neither will i decline it but still gonna depends on who is the other side. =P As a gal point of view, getting money for having my body being abused. Dirty and rich. Putting other's misery into self satisfaction. Wat the? I'm not discriminating anyone nor pinpointing anyone so pls do not take these 'too' seriously. But learn it, learn it from others but not thru the hard way.
I've found someone who is like that. It's a she and she's getting on my nerves. There was once i jio her go clubbing and she said that she no money to go so i told her this, "nevermind lah, if a bit i still can help but i will not help ur friend(who is a guy i do not know)". And now she treated it that watever she wants i will get it for her.. =.=" As most ppl know, i always give unconditionally without taking back much.. >_<>
I know the real reason for getting kinda upset the other time liao.. It was all happened on a fateful friday nite.. I was kinda being showed that someone else is better than me.. At 1st, i dun really care much coz afterall we are in discreet and i cannot show too much on my face.. That will only give me away.. Then after that i can see that guy was pretty happy with himself dancing with her.. =.=" Makes me feel so uncomfortable.. I know, this is so called jealous.. Somemore that day before i went over to the club i drank half a bottle of Jim Bean, already quite tipsy liao.. I guess i tend to think a lot of nonsences when i'm high.. I let the matter sink with a smile though but by pressing my heart.. But after a few days, they actually went out again late at night.. I felt that as if i was distanced, and i wasn't prepared at that moment.. Luckily there was no outburst.. I had myself contained.. Now i'm back to myself. =) As for now, even though anyone were to go after her, i will not stop that coz i do not have the rights to, and it's her life afterall and i dun not wish to invade into hers.. I treasured my freedom and privacy so do i respect others'.. Afterall we are in discreet. Even though she's gonna go off with another guy, i will wave to her and wish her all the best, with a smile of coz. =)
"What is meant to be will be, What isn't meant to be will never be" Haha.. "I will not forget you even if u ask me to, but i will forgive". "There's no point having an empty shell. I rather not to have anything". Zhen Zhen told Tian You "If u dun love me, dun bite me.(bitting will cause eternal life, vampire. Eternally with the person u dun like..)" Thus, i will say "If u dun love me, let it go.(letting go will not let me have false hopes)". If i choose to die, i will choose a fast and hurtful way rather than a slow and less pain way. Coz it's vice versa if u think carefully. =)
I've finishing seeing 'A date with Vampire part 1 & 2'. Both also very touching but doesn't seems to move me to tears.. lolx. Afterall i'm not that emotional.. Maybe.. Whether is that true, i'm not sure myself.. Even when my dad gonna die one day, i dun think i will cry also.. But if it's gonna be my dog, 'maybe' i will. Maybe not.. tired liao. nite all.
07 May, 2005
New layout! Happy happy~~ And i love the background song~ Canon in D by Pachelbel. It's also the Theme for My Sassy Girl. ^o^ Oh well, my blog wasn't a job well done. =/ Anyone got any suggestions, juz post it in my tagboard or comments. Anyone who wish to be published inside my 'LINKS', do let me know as well, be it blogs or web. ^_^ Oh ya, recently i've found that i dun always post daily. Anyone who wish to subcribe to my blog can do so by sending me an email with the subject "Subscribe to ur blog". No need any text. Send it to me at weixing_ols@yahoo.com.sg. So whenever, there's an update in my blog, u will be notified automatically thru mail. =D
Cel seems to have fallen out with Jon. Watever it's going on, i've got no clue.. I thot we are close but maybe not.. haha.. She's becoming more and more mysterious to me.. More like a mo shen ren.. Lesser and lesser communications and interactions will lead to this. Well, i dun blame her. She has got her life and i've got mine. Anyway, if she wanted to say, she would mention.. Juz like me, if i've got things on my mind and sometimes i wun even post in on my 'rants' or rather 'thoughts'.. Some things are better leave untold... =) But anyway, watever she do, i'm always behind her to catch her falls. However, "how to catch you when i'm not given any chance? I dun read mind, i dun have telepathy skill". =) Watever it is, take best care.
Last wk i've been ranting abt how depressed i am for dunno wat reasons.. This wk things got better.. And i've learnt something.. A person can be very good, however, in a relationship he/she can be a different person. One example i can see is Xuehui's ex.. How did they get together in the 1st place? As from wat i know, Xuehui doesn't gets into a relationship that easily.. That guy is very handsome? That guy has got super glib tongue? That guy treat Xuehui super good? That guy understand Xuehui that well? Well, i do not know. For wat i know is, that guy is treating Xuehui badly.. Mistreating her only. What is this? Play around then shoo it off like nobody's business? Then in the 1st place how did they get together? Haiz.. Therefore, even if i see a gal who's good, that may not be the case that she's good in a relationship. Watever it is, being ready to fall muz be ready to get hurt. There are sweet, salty, sour and bitter in all relationship. It's a balance of nature. No one is perfect. My point of view of relationship is juz like how i experienced getting a dog into my home when it is born until the day it died and leave us.. It's painful and unbearable. Think of it the same as relationship. relationship is juz like a life. The sweetness u can find in it is simply wonderful and unresistable. The pain it will cause u when it ended is great damage to u. Are you afraid of the pain? Are you prepared for the pain? This is not for anyone but everyone. I'm not discouraging going into a relationship but be prepared for watever it might comes. It's not abt 'touchwood' or anything but who knows watever tomolo will brings. I might not be able to live till tml nite if i were to meet with an accident. But for such things, there's no such thing that it will never happened. =)
Cel seems to have fallen out with Jon. Watever it's going on, i've got no clue.. I thot we are close but maybe not.. haha.. She's becoming more and more mysterious to me.. More like a mo shen ren.. Lesser and lesser communications and interactions will lead to this. Well, i dun blame her. She has got her life and i've got mine. Anyway, if she wanted to say, she would mention.. Juz like me, if i've got things on my mind and sometimes i wun even post in on my 'rants' or rather 'thoughts'.. Some things are better leave untold... =) But anyway, watever she do, i'm always behind her to catch her falls. However, "how to catch you when i'm not given any chance? I dun read mind, i dun have telepathy skill". =) Watever it is, take best care.
Last wk i've been ranting abt how depressed i am for dunno wat reasons.. This wk things got better.. And i've learnt something.. A person can be very good, however, in a relationship he/she can be a different person. One example i can see is Xuehui's ex.. How did they get together in the 1st place? As from wat i know, Xuehui doesn't gets into a relationship that easily.. That guy is very handsome? That guy has got super glib tongue? That guy treat Xuehui super good? That guy understand Xuehui that well? Well, i do not know. For wat i know is, that guy is treating Xuehui badly.. Mistreating her only. What is this? Play around then shoo it off like nobody's business? Then in the 1st place how did they get together? Haiz.. Therefore, even if i see a gal who's good, that may not be the case that she's good in a relationship. Watever it is, being ready to fall muz be ready to get hurt. There are sweet, salty, sour and bitter in all relationship. It's a balance of nature. No one is perfect. My point of view of relationship is juz like how i experienced getting a dog into my home when it is born until the day it died and leave us.. It's painful and unbearable. Think of it the same as relationship. relationship is juz like a life. The sweetness u can find in it is simply wonderful and unresistable. The pain it will cause u when it ended is great damage to u. Are you afraid of the pain? Are you prepared for the pain? This is not for anyone but everyone. I'm not discouraging going into a relationship but be prepared for watever it might comes. It's not abt 'touchwood' or anything but who knows watever tomolo will brings. I might not be able to live till tml nite if i were to meet with an accident. But for such things, there's no such thing that it will never happened. =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)