Kinda so many had happen lately.. But actually, those were juz some old prob recurring.. haiz.. Never-ending prob.. >_< That time becoz of my work, i got so stress.. It's all abt how to be a bad guy and leave my company when it needed me the most after my colleague left.. My point of view being an outdoor sales executive is fun and different from wat i used to do. Totally a different approach. My boss is not really a fantastic person.. He can be nice at times and nasty at times.. Haiz.. He pressured me directly when he asked me that question. He asked me whether would i stay in the company and help him if my colleague were to leave.. Haiz.. I dun wanna say it out so soon as my reservist is juz next wk.. But he insist he wanted an ans from me.. So tong ku.. Got things to say but cannot say..
I understand that this seems to be an easy task to many but not to me.. There's more to it than meet the eye. It's not juz abt quitting, that's all.. Afterall way before i got enlisted into army i had already know my boss.. To date, it has been almost 7yrs since i knew him.. Walking outta him at a time like this is kinda bad.. Somemore the next job is not any better than current, but i juz want a lesser stress job for the time being.. I've got way too many things to shoulder and bottle-up.. If i stay here in this company i'm afraid i might juz simply burst into a million pieces.. That i'm not sure but i can feel it.. >_< So nan gao and tong ku inside me that day.. really have the urge to escape to paradise.. =/
That day shan suddenly called me early in the morning 6am.. And she was crying.. And she said she was drenched and was feeling cold.. From sleepy mode i immediately woke up, and i told her i'll be right there at where she is.. I got changed and washed up then i went out liao.. Took a cab and i reached Parkway. I saw her sitting there all alone and all wet.. =.= Wah lao, depressed also no need to like that torture urself mah.. Due to hurry out in a haste, i forgot to bring a windbreaker.. Thus, seeing her feelling cold, i wrap my arm around her and pull her close to reduce a bit of her coldness.. It wasn't of any help though and i got my clothes a bit wet coz her clothes were still wet.. =.= Therefore, we proceed to the coffeeshop and get some hot drinks and had our breakfast.. She looked so stunned and pale.. Haiz.. After that i walked her home then i make my way home.. I still got work that day but i reached home at abt 10am and was very tired liao.. Thus, i told my boss i not feeling well and i did not go work.. But ok lah.. Once a while did not go work it's fine de.. I'm glad that i'm still needed to some.. But then again, if she never tell me, i would never know and these would never happened.. I like to being confide in.. Coz at least i feel that i'm living for something and not juz live life.. =)
When the one u like push u around to others, it's really not nice.. =( Haiz.. Sad.. It often leads to other thoughts.. Does he/she doesn't like me anymore? Does he/she dun want me anymore? does he/she detest me oredi? Haiz.. Sian.. >_< Leaving a person for his/her own good is indeed noble; or izzit selfish? Retaining a person regardless of how tough the path of two will be is indeed a pleasure, or izzit suffering?
I dun know.. I'm lost.. Juz like stranded in the vast ocean.. Dunno how to go, where to go, wat to do.. >_< Haiz.. Indeed being borned into this world is cruel.. Is there any Angel out there who can help me? Or is there any Devil out there who can help me? I juz wanna slp.. I juz wanna dun care.. I juz wanna run away.. But i juz cannot do this... Wat am i toking abt? =.= I'm still gonna live. A new entity is awaiting me! A new life with her is awaiting me! Maybe a brand new environment to live is awaiting me! How can i give up without even having those awaiting me?!?! =P
Last but not least, got something to say to you: After i come back, we go catch a show then go somewhere quiet ok? I juz wanna be alone with you.. Even it's gonna be juz a little while.. Hope u dun turn me down again.. Drop me a sms and let me know ok? =)
25 May, 2005
I've found these somewhere lately.. The guy who put up these are extremely prejudiced against women.. Kinda sad case but the world is not perfect. U can seriously find such kinds of ppl, be it males or females. Coz i've met some. =) Let's take a little look. Enjoy reading. ^^
"Every single one of us has made mistakes with women. We've been conned, duped and dazed by physical attraction. We've made fools of ourselves by kissing the feet of females who treated us like dirt. We've wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes chasing after women who lied to us and used us, and turned out to be rotten.But do we learn from our experiences? No. Every time we think it's going to be different. We think if we just try harder, or do one little thing differently, the result will change.Well, it's not going to change. If you keep pursuing the same kind of woman, you'll just get your heart broken over and over again.Keep a watchful eye out for the following list of women, and you'll be one step closer to curing yourself of habitual bitch-dating:1- Miss FeministThis woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male "patriarchy" would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, "All men think with their penises." Avoid her at all costs.2- Miss TakeShe's out for your money -- pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else's feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don't be fooled -- some apparently very "nice" girls are the greediest of them all.3- Miss RomanceThis type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are "princesses," and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.4- Miss ElusiveThis woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.5- Miss AngryLike Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don't like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they've ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there's no such thing as a nice guy -- they're all "jerks," "creeps" and "pigs." Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you're into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.6- Miss InsecureThis woman seems great at the start because she's very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don't take long to surface. Pretty soon she's calling you 10 times a day, asking to see "where the relationship is going," or because she "just wants to hear your voice." She needs constant reassurance that she's attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She's clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you're going to leave her at any moment for "someone better." This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.7- Miss BitchMiss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren't concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
8- Miss MeA close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as "daddy's little girl," and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.9- Miss DesperateWhether it's her baby clock ticking or she's the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married -- now. She doesn't care who the guy is or what he does -- as long as he's got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!10- Miss TurncoatShe's a conniving little piece of work who's an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you're hooked deep into the relationship (or married)… and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn't get her way.11- Miss TeaseUsually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she's a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can't trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she'll dump you in a heartbeat.12- Miss ControllingShe is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat -- everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.you've been warned!These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it's always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame. "
Lotsa gals after reading these muz have a lot in their minds. =) Let's not talk abt it coz 'jie shi jiu ying shi'. As long as u are clear of wat u are, there's no need for explainations. Of coz not all gals are bad. I've found a few nice ones though. Anyway, i dun really care much.. hehe.. Coz i've found 'The One'. The One may not be the Perfect One but my Most Important One. =)
"Every single one of us has made mistakes with women. We've been conned, duped and dazed by physical attraction. We've made fools of ourselves by kissing the feet of females who treated us like dirt. We've wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes chasing after women who lied to us and used us, and turned out to be rotten.But do we learn from our experiences? No. Every time we think it's going to be different. We think if we just try harder, or do one little thing differently, the result will change.Well, it's not going to change. If you keep pursuing the same kind of woman, you'll just get your heart broken over and over again.Keep a watchful eye out for the following list of women, and you'll be one step closer to curing yourself of habitual bitch-dating:1- Miss FeministThis woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male "patriarchy" would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, "All men think with their penises." Avoid her at all costs.2- Miss TakeShe's out for your money -- pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else's feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don't be fooled -- some apparently very "nice" girls are the greediest of them all.3- Miss RomanceThis type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are "princesses," and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.4- Miss ElusiveThis woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.5- Miss AngryLike Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don't like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they've ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there's no such thing as a nice guy -- they're all "jerks," "creeps" and "pigs." Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you're into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.6- Miss InsecureThis woman seems great at the start because she's very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don't take long to surface. Pretty soon she's calling you 10 times a day, asking to see "where the relationship is going," or because she "just wants to hear your voice." She needs constant reassurance that she's attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She's clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you're going to leave her at any moment for "someone better." This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.7- Miss BitchMiss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren't concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
8- Miss MeA close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as "daddy's little girl," and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.9- Miss DesperateWhether it's her baby clock ticking or she's the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married -- now. She doesn't care who the guy is or what he does -- as long as he's got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!10- Miss TurncoatShe's a conniving little piece of work who's an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you're hooked deep into the relationship (or married)… and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn't get her way.11- Miss TeaseUsually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she's a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can't trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she'll dump you in a heartbeat.12- Miss ControllingShe is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat -- everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.you've been warned!These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it's always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame. "
Lotsa gals after reading these muz have a lot in their minds. =) Let's not talk abt it coz 'jie shi jiu ying shi'. As long as u are clear of wat u are, there's no need for explainations. Of coz not all gals are bad. I've found a few nice ones though. Anyway, i dun really care much.. hehe.. Coz i've found 'The One'. The One may not be the Perfect One but my Most Important One. =)
22 May, 2005
Juz read this from my email..
Born in mth of JANUARY
* Ambitious and serious(not really)
* Loves to teach and be taught(kinda so)
* Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses(so that i can help where i can)
* Likes to criticize(not really, juz suaning nia)
* Hardworking and productive(not VERY but ok lah)
* Smart, neat and organized(erm.. dun think so. =P)
* Sensitive and has deep thoughts(exactly)
* Knows how to make others happy(sometimes lah..)
* Quiet unless excited or tensed(quite true)
* Rather reserved(yeah, at times)
* Highly attentive(depends on mood. =P)
* Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds(you got it)
* Romantic but has difficulties expressing love(lolx.. this i do not know. =P)
* Loves children(mostly)
* Homely person(yeah, my games' faults =P)
* Loyal(kinda so, but depends..)
* Needs to improve social abilities(=.=" dun tell me to do things..)
* Easily jealous(yup but doesn't show and easily suppressed also)
Haha.. Anyway, these aren't gonna change me! =P Weixing will always be weixing~~ Lalalala~~
My wk's schedule is kinda totally full.. so darn occupied. lolx. =P Wed, took carisa and jenny to Parkway to play RO. I was kinda a bad teacher like wat TPL and Shan said. lolx.. I only got one mind lor, really dunno how to handle them both. =P Pardon me eh.. hehe. Time is not enuff to get them to get used to the game. For ppl who do not play games, it's kinda hard to let them get the hand of it but i wun give up. Since Jenny wanna play, i shall teach her all i know. =) Thursday supposed to meet ys for his bday celebration de but he din take leave so we postponed to friday.
Friday was a long day sia.. Met YS and JL at Raffles mrt then we go to Lau Pau Sa to eat. then after that we move on to Paradiz center to play billard. Then Erica was there and she wanted to go chiong.. =.= That day she was total pink sia.. lol.. Erica wanted to go Chinablack de but i knew Celena was going to devils so i wanted to see if she's alrite at there. Thus, erica was dragged along by me. haha. Then the queue at there was so long sia! Somemore Andrew went home liao and Terrance wasn't able to get us in. Haiz.. Then Erica kept complaining that if went Chinablack, we wun need to queue at all.. lolx.. Juz like her char. =P Then we went in liao and we went on to find Celz at 3rd floor at the back of the counter towards the end. Celz was with 2 guys i do not know at all. But anyway, seeing her looking fine, shld be ok bah. haha.. Friday really spent a lot sia.. Took cab from parklane to devils, paid for 2 entrance fees, paid for all the drinks ordered, and lastly took cab home from devils.. sob sob sob.. Anyway, once a while, it's ok lah. heh. Erica really can drink sia, i ordered one jur of Vodka lime and within a min, she drank half liao. =.=" Scary sia. Thus we can like finished up the whole jur in less than 5min.. lolx. Therefore i was pretty drunk very quickly. =/
Then Celena and Erica ganged up on me. =.= !st, erica pass me her bag and ask me to carry it for her then cel also pass me hers(when did i become a hanger? =.="). Then Erica went on to unbutton my top button of my shirt while cel fold up my collars and ask me to pose for the camera. =.=" I dun have the pic. haha.. Anyway, i dun wanna show also. muahahaha. =P Then the two siao char bo danced seductively in front of me sia. omg =.=" Well, 1st time sees cel so daring. lolx. But then Cel leaft early that nite. without a word somemore.. haiz.. =P I was left with erica dancing near the dancefloor then suddenly i saw a almost bareback gal with quite good figure dancing on the bench with her friends. Then i saw her bunny-teeth and i found that that was Keqing. lolx. No wonder lah. i thot which chio bu sia. haha. But we juz exchange a smile only. Coz after that Erica was kinda drunk and she loses her balance so i held on to her and grab her before she falls. Then she falls on me =.=" which makes me almost lose my balance sia.. lolx.. She made me feel weak sia. lolx. Then after that she push me away and carry on pressing on her hp while i carry on dancing. Then again she falls forward and i catch hold of her. this time she hugged me real tight.. Then she asked me "How come the one i like doesn't like me?" I was like "huh? how i know ah?" We settle down at the narrow corridor near the dancefloor and she sat on the floor and smoke while i squat down and lean against the wall on the back beside her. She wrapped around my arms and lay on my shoulder. Haiz.. really dun like to see ppl getting sad yet being so powerless. After that i accompany her to the toilet while i waited outside sitting on the chair. When she got out, i stand up and let her sit while i resting on the railling and hold on to the railing. Again she took my shoulder and lean on it thus i gave her a hug to comfort her but she held me even tighter and her face was so close to my neck(almost kissing it) and i felt a shiver.. My thoughts came, "wat if she bites me on the neck? >_<" However, it was very comfortable. At least this is something i can do to at least ease a bit of her pain.. Then i found that i missed someone.. Haiz.. And yet she's not around me. Really wish to give her a hug to ease all the pain she's going thru now.. =( Afterall i'm juz an empty shell to Erica.. For my heart had been long stolen..
As i promised shan that i wanted to bring her go watch show. So i met up with her yest. Yesterday since morning i've been having headache, hangover i guess. Then i tried taking panadol at noon after lunch but i can't seems to have it swallowed.. >_<
Yeah tml got majong session! hehe..
19 May, 2005
I had been thinking abt this and i can't seems to find an answer to that.
"If a person knows that he's gonna die soon, he made his gal leave him. So that he can suffer the pain in silence and without bothering the gal and make her life miserable.." Is this concern abt the gal or is this being selfish?
Concern? Becoz he dun wanna drag the gal into the picture to suffer the unnecessary pain with him..
Selfish? Becoz he shld let her know so that she can not only share his happiness but sadness as well..
I seriously cannot think it thru. Sometimes i can even think until i cannot slp at all. Can someone give me some opinions? post it in my comments please coz that space is bigger and you can type more. My tagboard is too limited for words. Any help will be greatly appreciated!! Onegai!!
Relationships can really be a hassle in life.. So many problems, so many worries, so many sadness, so many arguments, so many headaches.. But most of all, muz have happiness. A r/s without happiness at all is total meaningless. Nowadays it's not like last time.. Parents choose ur life-partner for u and wat u both parties gonna do is 'pei yang gan qing'.. Nowadays ppl wanna get married, juz married; wanna divorced, juz divorced; wanna go into r/s, juz go; wanna break off, juz break off.. Love is nothing but juz a game? =.="
When married, the gal will move over to stay with the guy. Be it alone or with his parents. Once married, will definitely stay together. Different life that's gonna become.. I used to ponder abt a problem, which is "Would you get bored if you were to see your loved one everyday? Let's say 20yrs down the road.." I can't have a definite answer to that as i've been thru it. Some ppl can, some ppl cannot. Being with a person but not married, can be a totally different story when married. Bad things might be reveal after married, good things might be reveal after married. No one can have a definite answer to whatever might comes.. U know it's juz like wat? It's juz like the thrill in courting the one u like or being court by someone. After after getting the goal, the thrill is no longer there. Thus, making the r/s boring. From wat i can see is, when courting a gal, the guy would treat the gal extremely good. But after getting her, will still treat her good but not as good as before. Same thing for the other gender, when being courted, the guy will dote on her a lot but after being together not much doting gotten. Either way, either party might get bored and grew tired of it. This is human nature which no one can truely understand.. However, there's no sure thing, coz there are some who proved me wrong. =) Thus, it's always a good thing to learn from mistakes, learn from others.
As for me, i'll not grow tired of her or it unless i'm being forced to. If i got a gf, i can make the extra effort to send her to work and pick her up from work everyday if time permits. "to give unconditionly.." It might be kinda mono but absolutely i will not mind.. However, i'm indeed a weird guy. If i got a gf who demand that i must send her to work and pick her up from work everyday, i would rather i will not have such gf. Let's tok abt normal stuffs. My younger sister's hp line is under my name. I went to get the line for her without expecting anything back. And somemore i'm paying for it ever since then. Now she juz completed her O-level and is working part-time. I never asked a freaking single cent from her even though i'm freaking penniless! One of my platoon-mate actually ask me to get a line for him as under his name there's still some outstanding. However, he said he would return me whenever the bill comes. I juz have to tell him how much the bill and he will pass me the money. Do u know till now how many months of bill he owed me? Frankly, i had lost count. And i dun intend to count back. Wat i gonna do is wait for his line's contract to end so that i can terminate the line. Before that i would still pay for it without any condition but one, our friendship had ended. I can be goddamn good but dun take me for granted. I love being appreciated but not for granted. Even if i'm being forced to do something, i'm still being taken for granted. Why? Coz i'm too good liao. If i only left $300 on me for me to use until 15days later, and someone ask me for it for all, i would still pass him/her the money. But in my heart, that person had left a black mark. Regarding how many black marks till i totally ignored that person or treat that person coldly.. I've got no idea. If u really wan to know, juz try me.
I'm such a hard person to get along with. I'm such a troublesome person. I'm such a freaking bad person. I'm such a unreasonable person. I'm such a dun-care person. So, now shoo and buzz off. I'm not even worth to be called a friend of yours. Goodbye.
Over-sensative, over-concern, over-suspicous, over-bo-chap, etc. All are not for me. Being a 'Hi-Bye' can liao. I will still survive without such people in my life. Same thing goes for love. I will still survive without a gf/wife in my life. Oh man, weixing is so mean. yeah? I guess so.. Afterall i'm a bad guy who is trying so hard to turn good. Sometimes i really dun understand wat had got into me.. I was indeed a very bad guy in the past.. Wat kind of bad things i've never done before? I don't know! For there are too many! It's easy to be bad, hard to be good. How i wish i've never even tried to be good.. But anyway, i've come such a long way to pay for my sin. I shall carry on, i guess.. However, tomorrow is gonna be a 'decision-making-day' for me.. If ppl see a drastic change in me, it would show that bad news are broke to me and i'm giving up everything and return to be a bad guy... I can't tell the future but i had planned my path a month ago.. tml is gonna be the biggest day in my whole life.. May the god dun bless me.
"If a person knows that he's gonna die soon, he made his gal leave him. So that he can suffer the pain in silence and without bothering the gal and make her life miserable.." Is this concern abt the gal or is this being selfish?
Concern? Becoz he dun wanna drag the gal into the picture to suffer the unnecessary pain with him..
Selfish? Becoz he shld let her know so that she can not only share his happiness but sadness as well..
I seriously cannot think it thru. Sometimes i can even think until i cannot slp at all. Can someone give me some opinions? post it in my comments please coz that space is bigger and you can type more. My tagboard is too limited for words. Any help will be greatly appreciated!! Onegai!!
Relationships can really be a hassle in life.. So many problems, so many worries, so many sadness, so many arguments, so many headaches.. But most of all, muz have happiness. A r/s without happiness at all is total meaningless. Nowadays it's not like last time.. Parents choose ur life-partner for u and wat u both parties gonna do is 'pei yang gan qing'.. Nowadays ppl wanna get married, juz married; wanna divorced, juz divorced; wanna go into r/s, juz go; wanna break off, juz break off.. Love is nothing but juz a game? =.="
When married, the gal will move over to stay with the guy. Be it alone or with his parents. Once married, will definitely stay together. Different life that's gonna become.. I used to ponder abt a problem, which is "Would you get bored if you were to see your loved one everyday? Let's say 20yrs down the road.." I can't have a definite answer to that as i've been thru it. Some ppl can, some ppl cannot. Being with a person but not married, can be a totally different story when married. Bad things might be reveal after married, good things might be reveal after married. No one can have a definite answer to whatever might comes.. U know it's juz like wat? It's juz like the thrill in courting the one u like or being court by someone. After after getting the goal, the thrill is no longer there. Thus, making the r/s boring. From wat i can see is, when courting a gal, the guy would treat the gal extremely good. But after getting her, will still treat her good but not as good as before. Same thing for the other gender, when being courted, the guy will dote on her a lot but after being together not much doting gotten. Either way, either party might get bored and grew tired of it. This is human nature which no one can truely understand.. However, there's no sure thing, coz there are some who proved me wrong. =) Thus, it's always a good thing to learn from mistakes, learn from others.
As for me, i'll not grow tired of her or it unless i'm being forced to. If i got a gf, i can make the extra effort to send her to work and pick her up from work everyday if time permits. "to give unconditionly.." It might be kinda mono but absolutely i will not mind.. However, i'm indeed a weird guy. If i got a gf who demand that i must send her to work and pick her up from work everyday, i would rather i will not have such gf. Let's tok abt normal stuffs. My younger sister's hp line is under my name. I went to get the line for her without expecting anything back. And somemore i'm paying for it ever since then. Now she juz completed her O-level and is working part-time. I never asked a freaking single cent from her even though i'm freaking penniless! One of my platoon-mate actually ask me to get a line for him as under his name there's still some outstanding. However, he said he would return me whenever the bill comes. I juz have to tell him how much the bill and he will pass me the money. Do u know till now how many months of bill he owed me? Frankly, i had lost count. And i dun intend to count back. Wat i gonna do is wait for his line's contract to end so that i can terminate the line. Before that i would still pay for it without any condition but one, our friendship had ended. I can be goddamn good but dun take me for granted. I love being appreciated but not for granted. Even if i'm being forced to do something, i'm still being taken for granted. Why? Coz i'm too good liao. If i only left $300 on me for me to use until 15days later, and someone ask me for it for all, i would still pass him/her the money. But in my heart, that person had left a black mark. Regarding how many black marks till i totally ignored that person or treat that person coldly.. I've got no idea. If u really wan to know, juz try me.
I'm such a hard person to get along with. I'm such a troublesome person. I'm such a freaking bad person. I'm such a unreasonable person. I'm such a dun-care person. So, now shoo and buzz off. I'm not even worth to be called a friend of yours. Goodbye.
Over-sensative, over-concern, over-suspicous, over-bo-chap, etc. All are not for me. Being a 'Hi-Bye' can liao. I will still survive without such people in my life. Same thing goes for love. I will still survive without a gf/wife in my life. Oh man, weixing is so mean. yeah? I guess so.. Afterall i'm a bad guy who is trying so hard to turn good. Sometimes i really dun understand wat had got into me.. I was indeed a very bad guy in the past.. Wat kind of bad things i've never done before? I don't know! For there are too many! It's easy to be bad, hard to be good. How i wish i've never even tried to be good.. But anyway, i've come such a long way to pay for my sin. I shall carry on, i guess.. However, tomorrow is gonna be a 'decision-making-day' for me.. If ppl see a drastic change in me, it would show that bad news are broke to me and i'm giving up everything and return to be a bad guy... I can't tell the future but i had planned my path a month ago.. tml is gonna be the biggest day in my whole life.. May the god dun bless me.
16 May, 2005
Now i know it's hard to love. It wasn't as easy as what i've thought. Even though i was told to go on and find someone else. I dunno how. I dunno why. I juz can't.
I was meeting shan yesterday. It was a lazy sunday. The day was started with a majong session at JL's place. 2pm but i was kinda 'a bit' late.. =P So, who were there? JL, Wendy, me and a friend of JL(his camp-mate, i think). The game doesn't go smoothly for me(as expected). Once you think of it in a bad way, u kinda expected it. So when u win, you will be 10 times more happier. So when you lose, u will not feel that disappointed coz you had expected it to be. =) End of game i've lost almost all my chips.. lolx.. Tough luck day. =P Anyway, after the game, JL treated me to Sakae Sushi. O.O Though he was the only one winning, also win not much.. Treating me will have to dig out somemore from his own pocket to top-up.. sigh.. But then still got treated by him. Haha.. I eat until quite full though. Long time no eat jap food liao. After the dinner i went back home for a bath then proceed on to Jurong East IMM to pick up shan. I was late for abt 30min, i think.. =P paiseh lah.. hehe.. Then we go on to River Valley to have prata. Shan is power sia.. She ordered 4 egg pratas!! Hahaha.. I only ate one coz i'm still too full liao.. haha.. We chatted quite long and she order 2 more egg pratas for her family. When calling for bill, i paid most of it though.. Dun wan her to use her hard-earn money.
Ppl who do not know, thought that i've got a thing for her. Juz becoz she's cute? =.=" Nope. I did not. Juz dunno why, i have got no feel at all. I would have treated anyone the same.. Haiz.. I'm so unlike myself in the past.. That's why i say even though i wanted to, i also wun have any feeling..
A gal told me that best is to 'follow ur own heart'. However, 'following ur heart' will cause a lot of troubles.. So many problems, so many headaches, so many troubles.. That i agree.. "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To be loved by the one you love is everything". To me, it's almost an extreme.. Well, i've been thinking the whole day.. If she decided not to follow her heart, i will not too.. Thus, even though i were to be together with someone whom i had no feelings at all, i would still go on..
Wat is the main diff, if u ask? Being with 'the one', i would treat her all the best i can ever give. I would give 90% of my heart to her, any other gal will only get 1%. Being with 'not the one', i would treat everyone equally. Juz that the meeting with shan as an example. If i'm with 'the one', i will not go all the way to her workplace to meet her, i would simply meet her at Tiong Bahru MRT then bring her there since she do not know the place. If i'm with 'not the one', i will go all the way to her workplace to pick her up. Sigh.. Why am i saying all these..? Am i really giving up on myself rather than giving her up? I do not know. I dare not know.
What i know is, i will do wat i want no matter wat might comes. Be it gonna be 'following my heart' or 'aganst my wish'. That is all depending on how things gonna turn out.. Wat kind of hardships i've never been thru? Wat kind of pain i've never came across? None of these can be compared to seeing ur love being not happy with her life at all. For this, i'm willing to suffer together with her. Be it a short while or a lifetime. Unless miracles really exist and let me find another who is as good as her in me. So far, none. I say again, none.
One night, the star said to me. "If he/she makes you cry, why don't you leave her?" So, I look back at the star and said. "Star, would you ever leave your sky?"
To her: You think this is true and it applies to your life right? Well, it applies to mine too..
"Don't search for love, let love search for you, that is why its called falling in love, because you don't actually force yourself to love. You just fall... Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. There's a place in my heart that's yours alone. A place in my heart that no one can own. The tears in my eyes I can hide away, but the pain in my heart will always stay. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. A sad thing about life is that when you met someone that means a lot to you but only to find out in the end it was never bound to be and you just have to let it go. What is important is not how long we had been together, but we actually had it started. Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them. When a door of happiness closes. Another opens. But so often at times we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opening at us."
Sigh.. I need a drink to think better.. Bye bye.
I was meeting shan yesterday. It was a lazy sunday. The day was started with a majong session at JL's place. 2pm but i was kinda 'a bit' late.. =P So, who were there? JL, Wendy, me and a friend of JL(his camp-mate, i think). The game doesn't go smoothly for me(as expected). Once you think of it in a bad way, u kinda expected it. So when u win, you will be 10 times more happier. So when you lose, u will not feel that disappointed coz you had expected it to be. =) End of game i've lost almost all my chips.. lolx.. Tough luck day. =P Anyway, after the game, JL treated me to Sakae Sushi. O.O Though he was the only one winning, also win not much.. Treating me will have to dig out somemore from his own pocket to top-up.. sigh.. But then still got treated by him. Haha.. I eat until quite full though. Long time no eat jap food liao. After the dinner i went back home for a bath then proceed on to Jurong East IMM to pick up shan. I was late for abt 30min, i think.. =P paiseh lah.. hehe.. Then we go on to River Valley to have prata. Shan is power sia.. She ordered 4 egg pratas!! Hahaha.. I only ate one coz i'm still too full liao.. haha.. We chatted quite long and she order 2 more egg pratas for her family. When calling for bill, i paid most of it though.. Dun wan her to use her hard-earn money.
Ppl who do not know, thought that i've got a thing for her. Juz becoz she's cute? =.=" Nope. I did not. Juz dunno why, i have got no feel at all. I would have treated anyone the same.. Haiz.. I'm so unlike myself in the past.. That's why i say even though i wanted to, i also wun have any feeling..
A gal told me that best is to 'follow ur own heart'. However, 'following ur heart' will cause a lot of troubles.. So many problems, so many headaches, so many troubles.. That i agree.. "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To be loved by the one you love is everything". To me, it's almost an extreme.. Well, i've been thinking the whole day.. If she decided not to follow her heart, i will not too.. Thus, even though i were to be together with someone whom i had no feelings at all, i would still go on..
Wat is the main diff, if u ask? Being with 'the one', i would treat her all the best i can ever give. I would give 90% of my heart to her, any other gal will only get 1%. Being with 'not the one', i would treat everyone equally. Juz that the meeting with shan as an example. If i'm with 'the one', i will not go all the way to her workplace to meet her, i would simply meet her at Tiong Bahru MRT then bring her there since she do not know the place. If i'm with 'not the one', i will go all the way to her workplace to pick her up. Sigh.. Why am i saying all these..? Am i really giving up on myself rather than giving her up? I do not know. I dare not know.
What i know is, i will do wat i want no matter wat might comes. Be it gonna be 'following my heart' or 'aganst my wish'. That is all depending on how things gonna turn out.. Wat kind of hardships i've never been thru? Wat kind of pain i've never came across? None of these can be compared to seeing ur love being not happy with her life at all. For this, i'm willing to suffer together with her. Be it a short while or a lifetime. Unless miracles really exist and let me find another who is as good as her in me. So far, none. I say again, none.
One night, the star said to me. "If he/she makes you cry, why don't you leave her?" So, I look back at the star and said. "Star, would you ever leave your sky?"
To her: You think this is true and it applies to your life right? Well, it applies to mine too..
"Don't search for love, let love search for you, that is why its called falling in love, because you don't actually force yourself to love. You just fall... Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. There's a place in my heart that's yours alone. A place in my heart that no one can own. The tears in my eyes I can hide away, but the pain in my heart will always stay. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. A sad thing about life is that when you met someone that means a lot to you but only to find out in the end it was never bound to be and you just have to let it go. What is important is not how long we had been together, but we actually had it started. Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them. When a door of happiness closes. Another opens. But so often at times we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opening at us."
Sigh.. I need a drink to think better.. Bye bye.
10 May, 2005
There are so many things up in my brain.. >_<>
Will u stay by the side of someone u no longer love? I know someone who would.. I used to be like that.. I was with that person for a few mths but after that i've found that i do not like her like wat i used to be.. However, i still hang on coz i dun wanna hurt her.. She broke off with me rather than me breaking up with her.. Sparing a thought for others before self.. Izzit good or izzit bad..? For love, there's no right and wrong.. Juz like my case.. I was right becoz i dun wanna hurt her, i spare a thought for her.. I was wrong becoz i was kinda deceiving her, making her feel that she was still being loved by me.. It is really a tough nut to crack. =.= Come to think abt it.. Luckily she broke off with me after a few wks.. I really can't imagine how things gonna turn out if she never wanted a breakup.. >_<
Will u stay on and wait for the person after that person broke off with u and treating u badly to make u shoo? I know someone who would.. I dun used to be like that coz i've never came across.. lolx.. =P Ok, back to the issue.. Since that person is treating u badly thereafter the relationship fails, it clearly stated that the person wants you to give up totally. Maybe that's not the case(that i do not know). For wat i did last time was saying harsh things to karen to make her sad and turn away.... sigh.. I'm not saying that person is in the wrong coz i'm in no position to say that. =( But anyway, it's not adviseable to dwell over "spilled bean".. Everyone has got a life and it's short. So, live on. Everyone is good in saying but not doing. Same goes for me. I can say that i wanted to quit smoking by the end of this mth, however, i've never started quitting. Come on, talk is cheap. It wun pain to talk more. But actions will be paid off for the effort but not talks. This can apply to a lot of my friends in my life including myself.. Haiz.. Human nature? Whatever.
If u see a little gal running round the playground and suddenly she fell down and u went over to life her up. When she got up, she carry on running. =.=" Was it outta mischief or she knows that if she falls again i'll be there to pick her up? Depending on others is comforting.. Being too depending is bad.. Wat if someday, ur support-pillar gonna fails u? haiz.. I myself prefer a bit of dependent and a bit of independent.. Juz like how i prefer prefered a guai gal with a little huai.. lolx.. Dun worry, i've found her. *wink* =D
I've juz read Shan's new blog. Kinda quite a complicated thingy for a young gal. Got an urge to stop her doing stupid things but i can't seems to letting myself do it.. There are ppl asking me to go ahead and help her up, letting her get her own stand.. There are ppl who asked me not to go and care abt her as she does not worth my time and effort.. All 'these' ppl know her but some she doesn't know. hehe.. Letting myself make the decision. I will still care for her no matter what. Not everything, but to the best of my ability. If becoz of wat i did, i gain a chance to take good care of her, i wun want it. If becoz of wat i did, i din stand a chance at all, it's doesn't matter to me coz without that i can still live on. ^_^ Regarding why i would not want it, it's becoz 'ai qing bu shi tong qing'.
Juz like my friend who work at SLS. If i really gave her a chance, it would mean tong qing. All these started becoz of my colleague.. =.= He scared that i'm a gay coz since the time i know him(i know him before i enter army and that time i'm with karen... i can't possibly tell him "i've got a gf but i cannot show u").. lol.. Then after army i'm to working with him and for one whole yr i dun have a gf.. So, he ask me to go chase that gal lor.. To prove him that i'm not a gay so i initiate the move and i back off halfway and got myself stucked in the middle.. haiz.. He would only teach me bad things and got me into nothing but troubles.. hehe.. No lah.. actually he taught me a lot.. He taught me how to see such things easily. Wan to go in rs, juz go. Wan to give up, juz give up, anyway gals only mah.. =.=" I'm bad learner though.. haha
In relationships there's two kinds of ppl i hate. Each for each gender. For guys, those whose minds are only into sex. =.=" For gals, those whose minds are only into money. When both gets together, it makes a joke. As a guy point of view, i can jolly well say that going to whorehouse is much better. Cheaper and more experienced. Well, a relationship can still live without sex but a marriage is diff.. Anyway, i will not ask for it but neither will i decline it but still gonna depends on who is the other side. =P As a gal point of view, getting money for having my body being abused. Dirty and rich. Putting other's misery into self satisfaction. Wat the? I'm not discriminating anyone nor pinpointing anyone so pls do not take these 'too' seriously. But learn it, learn it from others but not thru the hard way.
I've found someone who is like that. It's a she and she's getting on my nerves. There was once i jio her go clubbing and she said that she no money to go so i told her this, "nevermind lah, if a bit i still can help but i will not help ur friend(who is a guy i do not know)". And now she treated it that watever she wants i will get it for her.. =.=" As most ppl know, i always give unconditionally without taking back much.. >_<>
I know the real reason for getting kinda upset the other time liao.. It was all happened on a fateful friday nite.. I was kinda being showed that someone else is better than me.. At 1st, i dun really care much coz afterall we are in discreet and i cannot show too much on my face.. That will only give me away.. Then after that i can see that guy was pretty happy with himself dancing with her.. =.=" Makes me feel so uncomfortable.. I know, this is so called jealous.. Somemore that day before i went over to the club i drank half a bottle of Jim Bean, already quite tipsy liao.. I guess i tend to think a lot of nonsences when i'm high.. I let the matter sink with a smile though but by pressing my heart.. But after a few days, they actually went out again late at night.. I felt that as if i was distanced, and i wasn't prepared at that moment.. Luckily there was no outburst.. I had myself contained.. Now i'm back to myself. =) As for now, even though anyone were to go after her, i will not stop that coz i do not have the rights to, and it's her life afterall and i dun not wish to invade into hers.. I treasured my freedom and privacy so do i respect others'.. Afterall we are in discreet. Even though she's gonna go off with another guy, i will wave to her and wish her all the best, with a smile of coz. =)
"What is meant to be will be, What isn't meant to be will never be" Haha.. "I will not forget you even if u ask me to, but i will forgive". "There's no point having an empty shell. I rather not to have anything". Zhen Zhen told Tian You "If u dun love me, dun bite me.(bitting will cause eternal life, vampire. Eternally with the person u dun like..)" Thus, i will say "If u dun love me, let it go.(letting go will not let me have false hopes)". If i choose to die, i will choose a fast and hurtful way rather than a slow and less pain way. Coz it's vice versa if u think carefully. =)
I've finishing seeing 'A date with Vampire part 1 & 2'. Both also very touching but doesn't seems to move me to tears.. lolx. Afterall i'm not that emotional.. Maybe.. Whether is that true, i'm not sure myself.. Even when my dad gonna die one day, i dun think i will cry also.. But if it's gonna be my dog, 'maybe' i will. Maybe not.. tired liao. nite all.
Will u stay by the side of someone u no longer love? I know someone who would.. I used to be like that.. I was with that person for a few mths but after that i've found that i do not like her like wat i used to be.. However, i still hang on coz i dun wanna hurt her.. She broke off with me rather than me breaking up with her.. Sparing a thought for others before self.. Izzit good or izzit bad..? For love, there's no right and wrong.. Juz like my case.. I was right becoz i dun wanna hurt her, i spare a thought for her.. I was wrong becoz i was kinda deceiving her, making her feel that she was still being loved by me.. It is really a tough nut to crack. =.= Come to think abt it.. Luckily she broke off with me after a few wks.. I really can't imagine how things gonna turn out if she never wanted a breakup.. >_<
Will u stay on and wait for the person after that person broke off with u and treating u badly to make u shoo? I know someone who would.. I dun used to be like that coz i've never came across.. lolx.. =P Ok, back to the issue.. Since that person is treating u badly thereafter the relationship fails, it clearly stated that the person wants you to give up totally. Maybe that's not the case(that i do not know). For wat i did last time was saying harsh things to karen to make her sad and turn away.... sigh.. I'm not saying that person is in the wrong coz i'm in no position to say that. =( But anyway, it's not adviseable to dwell over "spilled bean".. Everyone has got a life and it's short. So, live on. Everyone is good in saying but not doing. Same goes for me. I can say that i wanted to quit smoking by the end of this mth, however, i've never started quitting. Come on, talk is cheap. It wun pain to talk more. But actions will be paid off for the effort but not talks. This can apply to a lot of my friends in my life including myself.. Haiz.. Human nature? Whatever.
If u see a little gal running round the playground and suddenly she fell down and u went over to life her up. When she got up, she carry on running. =.=" Was it outta mischief or she knows that if she falls again i'll be there to pick her up? Depending on others is comforting.. Being too depending is bad.. Wat if someday, ur support-pillar gonna fails u? haiz.. I myself prefer a bit of dependent and a bit of independent.. Juz like how i prefer prefered a guai gal with a little huai.. lolx.. Dun worry, i've found her. *wink* =D
I've juz read Shan's new blog. Kinda quite a complicated thingy for a young gal. Got an urge to stop her doing stupid things but i can't seems to letting myself do it.. There are ppl asking me to go ahead and help her up, letting her get her own stand.. There are ppl who asked me not to go and care abt her as she does not worth my time and effort.. All 'these' ppl know her but some she doesn't know. hehe.. Letting myself make the decision. I will still care for her no matter what. Not everything, but to the best of my ability. If becoz of wat i did, i gain a chance to take good care of her, i wun want it. If becoz of wat i did, i din stand a chance at all, it's doesn't matter to me coz without that i can still live on. ^_^ Regarding why i would not want it, it's becoz 'ai qing bu shi tong qing'.
Juz like my friend who work at SLS. If i really gave her a chance, it would mean tong qing. All these started becoz of my colleague.. =.= He scared that i'm a gay coz since the time i know him(i know him before i enter army and that time i'm with karen... i can't possibly tell him "i've got a gf but i cannot show u").. lol.. Then after army i'm to working with him and for one whole yr i dun have a gf.. So, he ask me to go chase that gal lor.. To prove him that i'm not a gay so i initiate the move and i back off halfway and got myself stucked in the middle.. haiz.. He would only teach me bad things and got me into nothing but troubles.. hehe.. No lah.. actually he taught me a lot.. He taught me how to see such things easily. Wan to go in rs, juz go. Wan to give up, juz give up, anyway gals only mah.. =.=" I'm bad learner though.. haha
In relationships there's two kinds of ppl i hate. Each for each gender. For guys, those whose minds are only into sex. =.=" For gals, those whose minds are only into money. When both gets together, it makes a joke. As a guy point of view, i can jolly well say that going to whorehouse is much better. Cheaper and more experienced. Well, a relationship can still live without sex but a marriage is diff.. Anyway, i will not ask for it but neither will i decline it but still gonna depends on who is the other side. =P As a gal point of view, getting money for having my body being abused. Dirty and rich. Putting other's misery into self satisfaction. Wat the? I'm not discriminating anyone nor pinpointing anyone so pls do not take these 'too' seriously. But learn it, learn it from others but not thru the hard way.
I've found someone who is like that. It's a she and she's getting on my nerves. There was once i jio her go clubbing and she said that she no money to go so i told her this, "nevermind lah, if a bit i still can help but i will not help ur friend(who is a guy i do not know)". And now she treated it that watever she wants i will get it for her.. =.=" As most ppl know, i always give unconditionally without taking back much.. >_<>
I know the real reason for getting kinda upset the other time liao.. It was all happened on a fateful friday nite.. I was kinda being showed that someone else is better than me.. At 1st, i dun really care much coz afterall we are in discreet and i cannot show too much on my face.. That will only give me away.. Then after that i can see that guy was pretty happy with himself dancing with her.. =.=" Makes me feel so uncomfortable.. I know, this is so called jealous.. Somemore that day before i went over to the club i drank half a bottle of Jim Bean, already quite tipsy liao.. I guess i tend to think a lot of nonsences when i'm high.. I let the matter sink with a smile though but by pressing my heart.. But after a few days, they actually went out again late at night.. I felt that as if i was distanced, and i wasn't prepared at that moment.. Luckily there was no outburst.. I had myself contained.. Now i'm back to myself. =) As for now, even though anyone were to go after her, i will not stop that coz i do not have the rights to, and it's her life afterall and i dun not wish to invade into hers.. I treasured my freedom and privacy so do i respect others'.. Afterall we are in discreet. Even though she's gonna go off with another guy, i will wave to her and wish her all the best, with a smile of coz. =)
"What is meant to be will be, What isn't meant to be will never be" Haha.. "I will not forget you even if u ask me to, but i will forgive". "There's no point having an empty shell. I rather not to have anything". Zhen Zhen told Tian You "If u dun love me, dun bite me.(bitting will cause eternal life, vampire. Eternally with the person u dun like..)" Thus, i will say "If u dun love me, let it go.(letting go will not let me have false hopes)". If i choose to die, i will choose a fast and hurtful way rather than a slow and less pain way. Coz it's vice versa if u think carefully. =)
I've finishing seeing 'A date with Vampire part 1 & 2'. Both also very touching but doesn't seems to move me to tears.. lolx. Afterall i'm not that emotional.. Maybe.. Whether is that true, i'm not sure myself.. Even when my dad gonna die one day, i dun think i will cry also.. But if it's gonna be my dog, 'maybe' i will. Maybe not.. tired liao. nite all.
07 May, 2005
New layout! Happy happy~~ And i love the background song~ Canon in D by Pachelbel. It's also the Theme for My Sassy Girl. ^o^ Oh well, my blog wasn't a job well done. =/ Anyone got any suggestions, juz post it in my tagboard or comments. Anyone who wish to be published inside my 'LINKS', do let me know as well, be it blogs or web. ^_^ Oh ya, recently i've found that i dun always post daily. Anyone who wish to subcribe to my blog can do so by sending me an email with the subject "Subscribe to ur blog". No need any text. Send it to me at weixing_ols@yahoo.com.sg. So whenever, there's an update in my blog, u will be notified automatically thru mail. =D
Cel seems to have fallen out with Jon. Watever it's going on, i've got no clue.. I thot we are close but maybe not.. haha.. She's becoming more and more mysterious to me.. More like a mo shen ren.. Lesser and lesser communications and interactions will lead to this. Well, i dun blame her. She has got her life and i've got mine. Anyway, if she wanted to say, she would mention.. Juz like me, if i've got things on my mind and sometimes i wun even post in on my 'rants' or rather 'thoughts'.. Some things are better leave untold... =) But anyway, watever she do, i'm always behind her to catch her falls. However, "how to catch you when i'm not given any chance? I dun read mind, i dun have telepathy skill". =) Watever it is, take best care.
Last wk i've been ranting abt how depressed i am for dunno wat reasons.. This wk things got better.. And i've learnt something.. A person can be very good, however, in a relationship he/she can be a different person. One example i can see is Xuehui's ex.. How did they get together in the 1st place? As from wat i know, Xuehui doesn't gets into a relationship that easily.. That guy is very handsome? That guy has got super glib tongue? That guy treat Xuehui super good? That guy understand Xuehui that well? Well, i do not know. For wat i know is, that guy is treating Xuehui badly.. Mistreating her only. What is this? Play around then shoo it off like nobody's business? Then in the 1st place how did they get together? Haiz.. Therefore, even if i see a gal who's good, that may not be the case that she's good in a relationship. Watever it is, being ready to fall muz be ready to get hurt. There are sweet, salty, sour and bitter in all relationship. It's a balance of nature. No one is perfect. My point of view of relationship is juz like how i experienced getting a dog into my home when it is born until the day it died and leave us.. It's painful and unbearable. Think of it the same as relationship. relationship is juz like a life. The sweetness u can find in it is simply wonderful and unresistable. The pain it will cause u when it ended is great damage to u. Are you afraid of the pain? Are you prepared for the pain? This is not for anyone but everyone. I'm not discouraging going into a relationship but be prepared for watever it might comes. It's not abt 'touchwood' or anything but who knows watever tomolo will brings. I might not be able to live till tml nite if i were to meet with an accident. But for such things, there's no such thing that it will never happened. =)
Cel seems to have fallen out with Jon. Watever it's going on, i've got no clue.. I thot we are close but maybe not.. haha.. She's becoming more and more mysterious to me.. More like a mo shen ren.. Lesser and lesser communications and interactions will lead to this. Well, i dun blame her. She has got her life and i've got mine. Anyway, if she wanted to say, she would mention.. Juz like me, if i've got things on my mind and sometimes i wun even post in on my 'rants' or rather 'thoughts'.. Some things are better leave untold... =) But anyway, watever she do, i'm always behind her to catch her falls. However, "how to catch you when i'm not given any chance? I dun read mind, i dun have telepathy skill". =) Watever it is, take best care.
Last wk i've been ranting abt how depressed i am for dunno wat reasons.. This wk things got better.. And i've learnt something.. A person can be very good, however, in a relationship he/she can be a different person. One example i can see is Xuehui's ex.. How did they get together in the 1st place? As from wat i know, Xuehui doesn't gets into a relationship that easily.. That guy is very handsome? That guy has got super glib tongue? That guy treat Xuehui super good? That guy understand Xuehui that well? Well, i do not know. For wat i know is, that guy is treating Xuehui badly.. Mistreating her only. What is this? Play around then shoo it off like nobody's business? Then in the 1st place how did they get together? Haiz.. Therefore, even if i see a gal who's good, that may not be the case that she's good in a relationship. Watever it is, being ready to fall muz be ready to get hurt. There are sweet, salty, sour and bitter in all relationship. It's a balance of nature. No one is perfect. My point of view of relationship is juz like how i experienced getting a dog into my home when it is born until the day it died and leave us.. It's painful and unbearable. Think of it the same as relationship. relationship is juz like a life. The sweetness u can find in it is simply wonderful and unresistable. The pain it will cause u when it ended is great damage to u. Are you afraid of the pain? Are you prepared for the pain? This is not for anyone but everyone. I'm not discouraging going into a relationship but be prepared for watever it might comes. It's not abt 'touchwood' or anything but who knows watever tomolo will brings. I might not be able to live till tml nite if i were to meet with an accident. But for such things, there's no such thing that it will never happened. =)
02 May, 2005
Misery had once again falls on me.. I also dunno why but it juz come so naturally.. An unexplainable pain in the heart, mind and soul.. Which can even makes me no mood to drink, smoke and even see gals.. Is this what they so-called 'lonely'? Hmm.. I dun quite understand lonely as well.. Can anyone define 'lonely' to me..? From wat i feel, it's mainly becoz of the feel inside us.. Why do we feel 'lonely'? Izzit becoz we are alone? If u are born and there's no one at all, u will never feel 'lonely' coz u haven't experienced 'lonely'. 'Lonely' is not becoz u are alone, to be exact, 'lonely' is not becoz u lose someone but gotten someone.. Whatever u have not gotten it, u will never lose it becoz u never owned it, becoz losing it is painful thus lead to 'lonely'.. Well, how true it is. I do not know.
I found that even though there's 'trust' in a relationship, that doesn't mean u will have 100% trust.. There are still factors that can affect 'trust'.. Unfaithfulness, misunderstanding, self-confidence, etc. It's indeed not easy..
Currently i've not totally given up on myself. Seeing the past me is indeed kinda sad.. I'm short-sighted with abt 300+ degree on my right eye and 100+ degree on my left eye.. Despite that, i used to dun wear specs ever since i left my pri sch.. My vision was blurred always and i do not care(that is also the reason why even though i'm 80% drunk i can still find my way home..) Ever since i left my pri sch, i dun comb my hair anymore. Becoz my hair is short and curly. Combing is totally useless. Since my vision is blur and i can dun care, why shld i care abt how i look. That was me..in the past... Now ppl often ask me why i comb somehow center part while i'm not. That qn i do not know how or when. But i know wat i'm doing.. I used clay, mousse or gel to comb my hair straight everyday. I made a new pair of frameless glasses. All these i did are becoz of neat appearance. For my job mainly.. when i dun comb my hair, it's indeed a total mess.. Haha.. Well well, watever lah.. I've got one and a half wk more to my 'results'.. By then if ppl seeing me back to my old self, u would know that i've given up myself. In another word, given up everything.. Able to see clearly or not, i dun care. Able to hear good or bad things abt me, i dun care. Able to live for how long more, i dun care.. Anyway, i leave it to fate. For now, i shall carry on with my life as usual.. =)
Anyone rmb something that i've mentioned? "To be loved is easy, to love is easier, but to find someone u love and he/she love u is hard.." Well, in fact the hardest is 'to forget'.. I read this somewhere "It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone." How true.. I've yet to forget the one i 1st one that i held hands with, i've yet to forget the 1st one that i've kissed, i've yet to forget the 1st love, i've yet to forget the 1st one who makes me lost my tears.. All these are not forgotten but kept deep within. Wounds can heal and the scars can go away but the pain will always be remembered.. Be it happy or sad things, i've kept them with a smile.. "The greatest thing ever is to be able to get up whenever you fall, and get back to reality. Get on with life, never look back, never regret."
Now i know why there's no such thing as Telepathy.. I used to think that only Jasmine understand me well.. If now were to ask her abt me, she will get it all wrong.. For we have not been communicating for quite a long long time.. However, JL and YS are totally diff.. They can still get a bit right.. Haha.. Well, i'm not as mysterious as wat u all think.. Juz a lack of right topics in the process of communication.. Well, in army, "there's no command and control without communication". =)
I found that even though there's 'trust' in a relationship, that doesn't mean u will have 100% trust.. There are still factors that can affect 'trust'.. Unfaithfulness, misunderstanding, self-confidence, etc. It's indeed not easy..
Currently i've not totally given up on myself. Seeing the past me is indeed kinda sad.. I'm short-sighted with abt 300+ degree on my right eye and 100+ degree on my left eye.. Despite that, i used to dun wear specs ever since i left my pri sch.. My vision was blurred always and i do not care(that is also the reason why even though i'm 80% drunk i can still find my way home..) Ever since i left my pri sch, i dun comb my hair anymore. Becoz my hair is short and curly. Combing is totally useless. Since my vision is blur and i can dun care, why shld i care abt how i look. That was me..in the past... Now ppl often ask me why i comb somehow center part while i'm not. That qn i do not know how or when. But i know wat i'm doing.. I used clay, mousse or gel to comb my hair straight everyday. I made a new pair of frameless glasses. All these i did are becoz of neat appearance. For my job mainly.. when i dun comb my hair, it's indeed a total mess.. Haha.. Well well, watever lah.. I've got one and a half wk more to my 'results'.. By then if ppl seeing me back to my old self, u would know that i've given up myself. In another word, given up everything.. Able to see clearly or not, i dun care. Able to hear good or bad things abt me, i dun care. Able to live for how long more, i dun care.. Anyway, i leave it to fate. For now, i shall carry on with my life as usual.. =)
Anyone rmb something that i've mentioned? "To be loved is easy, to love is easier, but to find someone u love and he/she love u is hard.." Well, in fact the hardest is 'to forget'.. I read this somewhere "It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone." How true.. I've yet to forget the one i 1st one that i held hands with, i've yet to forget the 1st one that i've kissed, i've yet to forget the 1st love, i've yet to forget the 1st one who makes me lost my tears.. All these are not forgotten but kept deep within. Wounds can heal and the scars can go away but the pain will always be remembered.. Be it happy or sad things, i've kept them with a smile.. "The greatest thing ever is to be able to get up whenever you fall, and get back to reality. Get on with life, never look back, never regret."
Now i know why there's no such thing as Telepathy.. I used to think that only Jasmine understand me well.. If now were to ask her abt me, she will get it all wrong.. For we have not been communicating for quite a long long time.. However, JL and YS are totally diff.. They can still get a bit right.. Haha.. Well, i'm not as mysterious as wat u all think.. Juz a lack of right topics in the process of communication.. Well, in army, "there's no command and control without communication". =)
01 May, 2005
Who wants to know my little secret?? =D hehe.. The secret is "I dun like English ever since i was borned.." Muahahahahaha!! There are ppl out there who say that my english is good. Well, i dun think so. Broken english here and there, rubbish written all over, wrong use of phrases.. Lolx.. I'm bad. =P Anyway, now that i think back. During my Primary sch days.. My uncle always bought me books and want me to read to him 'face-to-face'. >_< My pronounciation was so bad and lack of confidence and with a stern uncle in front of me.. How can i fare...? I kept yawning when i'm reading it out then got scolded until very jialat by my uncle.. lolx.. Being forced to read, who wouldn't be bored? =) Bei Bi de tong si wo bu yao. However, i still pull thru my PSLE.. Then we in secondary sch more jialat.. I dun like all my eng teachers coz they dun like me. To them not every are equal. Favouritism can be seen in my eyes. However, that doesn't concern me coz during O-Level i still topped in her class. Bleahz! =P The most interesting stuff is that all her fave students cannot make it in English. Haiz.. It's all over. Anyway, i've got my little revenge on her. Lalalalala~~
Izzit natural for ppl to start to treasure when they are abt to lose it..? I can see a lot of such incidences.. However, from what i can see.. When men have a change of heart, they can turn back easily.. When women have a change of heart, they can be stern on their decision.. Sometimes i can feel that there are no telepathy between Venus and Mars.. Communication is the key to understanding and stuffs. When two person distanced and lesser things to tok abt, they will distanced from each other more and more. Sometimes they even think that "how come i've started not to understand the opp partner..?" which all these would lead to break-offs.. Thus, long-distance-relationships are the hardest to maintain. However, some ppl can proved me wrong. Yup, it's the determination that falls on both parties and not only one. Two to make it right. Have you ever since a couple which is only one person? Haha..
Hugs can make two person close. Be it a buddy-hug, friend-hug or loving-hug.. It's both comfortable to hug and be hugged.. That's why i always love to go seaside. Some where that is quiet and peaceful. Dun have to think abt wat to say or wat to do. Juz a hug with the one you like and quietly relax urself but the best i love most is hugging someone to slp.. Somehow hugging is not the main ingredient to maintain a relationship though.. Wat's most important is still trust and understanding.. Without these two, it wouldn't last..
Lately i've been thinking abt Jasmine and YF.. I rmb they have been together for years and i can see that the two of them are indeed one perfect pair.. I rarely see them quarrel, argue, or even fight.. However, after so many years they still broke up and go separate ways.. How can this happen? Well, anything can happen.. The two of them used to be a very loving couple.. Until one day, YF had a change of heart for another gal.. A more beautiful gal? That i do not know.. Then he decided to break off with Jas to get together with the gal.. However, after few mths he found out that the gal was not the one for him but Jasmine.. So, he broke off with that gal and went back to find Jas.. At that time Jasmine still love him so she gave him another chance.. However, that patch-up do not lasts.. After their reunion, Jasmine went to Taiwan for some volunteer work and when she came back, she broke off with YF.. This get everyone startled for a while.. Wat makes her do that? Becoz of a guy or becoz of a reason...? This i do not know as i did not ask.. Anyway, it has been quite some time liao, no point asking. It's better to let begone be begone.. =)
I had another friend who is in the same situation as Jasmine.. But their character are totally different in a way or two. This gal choose to accept that guy back as well. But as time passes by, she found that she do not love that guy anymore.. However, she was afraid. Or rather worried.. She is someone who always put others before herself which put herself into misery.. Sometimes, in doing something there's no rights and wrongs.. My colleague can turn 'black' into 'white' and 'white' into 'black'. So, that is to say how u think abt it. It's all in mind.. (my player is playing Jolin's Dao Dai now...)
Take my smoking as an example. If i think that it's wrong to smoke then it's wrong.
Reason: It harms the passive smokers around me.
If i think i'm not wrong, then i'm not wrong.
Reason: I'm still better than those criminals who harm others. When i smoke i dun blow at others and if ppl who dun like the smoke i will not smoke in front of them.
Yes i may be unreasonable. Same goes for everyone. Even though i did not harm u, u will still find 'reasons' to make me quit(not pinpointing anyone coz too many ppl liao =P). I'm emphasising on reasoning not abt caring and stuffs so ppl pls dun flame me for this.. hehe.. But anyway, it's all up to each person's thinking. I've got no rights to say anything nor in any position to say anything. Juz a guideline of others who had been thru before.. I always have this thinking in mind "Learn from mistakes, learn from others". May the god bless.
Izzit natural for ppl to start to treasure when they are abt to lose it..? I can see a lot of such incidences.. However, from what i can see.. When men have a change of heart, they can turn back easily.. When women have a change of heart, they can be stern on their decision.. Sometimes i can feel that there are no telepathy between Venus and Mars.. Communication is the key to understanding and stuffs. When two person distanced and lesser things to tok abt, they will distanced from each other more and more. Sometimes they even think that "how come i've started not to understand the opp partner..?" which all these would lead to break-offs.. Thus, long-distance-relationships are the hardest to maintain. However, some ppl can proved me wrong. Yup, it's the determination that falls on both parties and not only one. Two to make it right. Have you ever since a couple which is only one person? Haha..
Hugs can make two person close. Be it a buddy-hug, friend-hug or loving-hug.. It's both comfortable to hug and be hugged.. That's why i always love to go seaside. Some where that is quiet and peaceful. Dun have to think abt wat to say or wat to do. Juz a hug with the one you like and quietly relax urself but the best i love most is hugging someone to slp.. Somehow hugging is not the main ingredient to maintain a relationship though.. Wat's most important is still trust and understanding.. Without these two, it wouldn't last..
Lately i've been thinking abt Jasmine and YF.. I rmb they have been together for years and i can see that the two of them are indeed one perfect pair.. I rarely see them quarrel, argue, or even fight.. However, after so many years they still broke up and go separate ways.. How can this happen? Well, anything can happen.. The two of them used to be a very loving couple.. Until one day, YF had a change of heart for another gal.. A more beautiful gal? That i do not know.. Then he decided to break off with Jas to get together with the gal.. However, after few mths he found out that the gal was not the one for him but Jasmine.. So, he broke off with that gal and went back to find Jas.. At that time Jasmine still love him so she gave him another chance.. However, that patch-up do not lasts.. After their reunion, Jasmine went to Taiwan for some volunteer work and when she came back, she broke off with YF.. This get everyone startled for a while.. Wat makes her do that? Becoz of a guy or becoz of a reason...? This i do not know as i did not ask.. Anyway, it has been quite some time liao, no point asking. It's better to let begone be begone.. =)
I had another friend who is in the same situation as Jasmine.. But their character are totally different in a way or two. This gal choose to accept that guy back as well. But as time passes by, she found that she do not love that guy anymore.. However, she was afraid. Or rather worried.. She is someone who always put others before herself which put herself into misery.. Sometimes, in doing something there's no rights and wrongs.. My colleague can turn 'black' into 'white' and 'white' into 'black'. So, that is to say how u think abt it. It's all in mind.. (my player is playing Jolin's Dao Dai now...)
Take my smoking as an example. If i think that it's wrong to smoke then it's wrong.
Reason: It harms the passive smokers around me.
If i think i'm not wrong, then i'm not wrong.
Reason: I'm still better than those criminals who harm others. When i smoke i dun blow at others and if ppl who dun like the smoke i will not smoke in front of them.
Yes i may be unreasonable. Same goes for everyone. Even though i did not harm u, u will still find 'reasons' to make me quit(not pinpointing anyone coz too many ppl liao =P). I'm emphasising on reasoning not abt caring and stuffs so ppl pls dun flame me for this.. hehe.. But anyway, it's all up to each person's thinking. I've got no rights to say anything nor in any position to say anything. Juz a guideline of others who had been thru before.. I always have this thinking in mind "Learn from mistakes, learn from others". May the god bless.
28 April, 2005
Living in this world is indeed quite a hard thing to do for some.. Despite that, can still see people doing well. One classic example is Mustafa. When he started out working, he's merely a shoe polisher.. Now he had quite some assets.. How did he do that? =.=" Though he had passed away, his name was not washed away and was greatly remembered by many.
People always say that it's easy to turn bad, it's hard to turn good. How true it is.. Once a rotten apple, always a rotten apple. No doubt abt that. However, one thing i'm sure abt. A rotten apple may not kill you but a ground cherry might. So somehow, it can be deceiving.. Anyway, ppl wun understand until they tried. Is this so-called No Pain No Gain? Too much of a pain i guess.. Human nature is like that. Facts of life eh? Sad.
Lately dunno wat's wrong with me.. I'm easily influenced by bad things and bad thinking.. Some things are really not within our control.. Watever will come, will come.. Watever will go, will go.. Too much things in the head can get it burst. Even though let out most of it doesn't make any diff to me as it wun lesser my misery.. Maybe it's time i go into isolation-mode. I dun feel like seeing anyone, i dun feel like toking to anyone, i dun feel like interacting with anyone, i dun feel like bothering anyone. I really hope i can juz sleep all that i want. But i can't. Feel like crying but no tears for me to shed. Feel like dying but no life to give. Feel like working but no mood to carry on. Feel like slacking but no time to spare. Shacks. Life sucks. There's ups and downs in life, which makes life more meaningful. I really wonder where had my temper gone to.. I really wonder where had my tears gone to.. I really wonder where had my mood gone to.. A body without soul? A brain without brain cells? Watever.
People always say that it's easy to turn bad, it's hard to turn good. How true it is.. Once a rotten apple, always a rotten apple. No doubt abt that. However, one thing i'm sure abt. A rotten apple may not kill you but a ground cherry might. So somehow, it can be deceiving.. Anyway, ppl wun understand until they tried. Is this so-called No Pain No Gain? Too much of a pain i guess.. Human nature is like that. Facts of life eh? Sad.
Lately dunno wat's wrong with me.. I'm easily influenced by bad things and bad thinking.. Some things are really not within our control.. Watever will come, will come.. Watever will go, will go.. Too much things in the head can get it burst. Even though let out most of it doesn't make any diff to me as it wun lesser my misery.. Maybe it's time i go into isolation-mode. I dun feel like seeing anyone, i dun feel like toking to anyone, i dun feel like interacting with anyone, i dun feel like bothering anyone. I really hope i can juz sleep all that i want. But i can't. Feel like crying but no tears for me to shed. Feel like dying but no life to give. Feel like working but no mood to carry on. Feel like slacking but no time to spare. Shacks. Life sucks. There's ups and downs in life, which makes life more meaningful. I really wonder where had my temper gone to.. I really wonder where had my tears gone to.. I really wonder where had my mood gone to.. A body without soul? A brain without brain cells? Watever.
24 April, 2005
My life seems more complete lately.. Despite the stressful work, the hectic life, the family pressures, etc.. Though i know i can still managed all by myself even though there isn't this 'little hope of ray' in my life.. However, with this little 'ray' had indeed improved my life a lot.. At least i know i do not wish to give up anything.. I wish to thank this 'ray' in front of everyone.. However, due to circumstances, i can't.. All that i can do is make her happy.. As long as she is happy, i'm happy. Be it juz a companionship or juz a comfort. Be it a little hug or a little kiss. As long as u are satisfied, i'm oredi satisfied.. I know i juz can't compared these to my past as Karen.. Both are diff.. Wat's in the past had past. It's simply unfair to compare. No one is an item to be used for comparision.. Thus, i wish i'm not being compared to anyone around you.. Even if things are not gonna make up for us, i wun blamed anyone. Simply, i can juz let it go.. Mian qiang shi mei you xing fu de.. As you know, both our character are so alike.. So much in common.. So similar in thinking.. However, i shall let heaven decide our fate. =)
That time saw shan in RO.. I haven't been active in there for a long long time liao.. 1st thing she saw me is shout out my name and came over to my side and kept kissing me ingame.. =.= I'm so full of saliva sia.. lolx. Then that stupid TPL also come and disturb.. =.= But anyway, glad to see shan ingame.. At least i know that she is still around in game.. =) Dunno why but i kept worrying for her no matter wat, no matter when, no matter how.. Always thinking whether has she found a job, always thinking whether has she eaten or not, always thinking whether got ppl bully her or not.. Afterall, she's only 16 this yr.. But for this friend, frankly speaking, i do not know much abt her.. I do not know her deep enuff.. Sometimes, there are doubts abt her, abt wat she told me.. Naturally, i used to be a bad guy. I've done a lot of bad things and there would surely be stuffs that i do not wish others to know coz that would only invite unnecessary sympathy and stuffs.. So, whenever being asked, or being force to say, i would not tell the facts.. It's not that i'm not 100% having doubts on her.. Juz tat, some things are better be kept in secret then be reveal.. I can understand de.. I'm a guo lai ren.. She ah, saw on my blog abt prata then ask me where got nice prata.. Then ask me go pei her go eat.. haha.. cute sia.. wan ask me out juz say so lor.. =P Even u dun mention "ai si ni", i would still will go eat with u de.. =)
Early this wk Erica ask me to give her a morning call on Tue morning 7am.. She need to go back to malaysia to get her IC. But i myself also cannot wake up.. =.= Yest nite called her and asked abt her.. Got to know that tat day she woke up at 9am instead but still got go back lah.. Spent abt 2hrs to travel back and also some money coz she took a cab back.. =.= (my fault i guess.. sob) Then when she reach there to collect, she got fed-up with the authorities.. They said her IC is ready for collect and muz collect within 2wks if not will be fined. Then on Tue, she was unable to get her IC.. =.= They said it's ready liao but haven't delivered to them yet so muz wait for another 2wks. She got so angry on the wasted trip, time and money. Therefore, she went for a hair-cut and highlight her hair to green colour.. green.. omg.. =/ I haven't seen her yet so i cannot come to a conclusion whether nice or not.. But maybe i'll be asking her along on sat to Devils' Bar. However, if my favourite is going then i'm not asking Erica to go liao.. At least i'm sure i will Never get slapped by my fave. hee.. But anyway, Erica this sor por also a bit craze de.. Saying me treat her very good.. =.= Got one malay guy kept pestering her then she say maybe need me go help her out by pretending to be her bf. =( My misfortune~~ Lolx.. No lah juz kidding. Juz a helping out.. No prob de. ;)
Long time dun have a long chat with Xuehui liao.. Tat nite i was toking to her on msn. We had a long chat. It was indeed a long and meanful chat.. I knew this guai guai girl when i was in army.. Tat time in army, me and david kept going out and stuffs. Den there's one nights-out, we went to Bedok with James for makan and walk walk. tat time i was not into r/s yet so i dun care much while David go there juz see whether can do a little fishing there or not.. James seeing us like tat, he suggested intro Xuehui to us but too bad, she was busy studying so she not meeting us.. Too bad? i guess it's a blessing in disguise.. =.= James seems to really wish to intro us a guai gal.. Cute and guai gal. For me, my response was like, erm.. ok lor.. Kinda bochap type.. As for David, can really see him grinning for ear to ear.. =.= Can see his vampire's teeth liao. *sweat* Thinking abt this prob, i've thot of asking James to 4get all abt it coz i do not wish to invite troubles.. However, spilled water cannot be put back.. Thus, i told James that let me have her number so that i can befriend her before David does.. I know tat David would not snatch a friend's gf. Especially tat time he treated me as his buddy.. Therefore i got to know Xuehui but this is not the end.. It's juz a begining.. Though merely a friend, David might not wan to give up.. Thus, i would have to chase xuehui.. Getting to know xuehui, i came to know that she is seriously a very guai gal.. When not studying, she would go to library to find books to read.. I always tease her that she gonna finish up all the books in the library one day.. Haha.. As a new friend, i never smoke in front of her. Then came one day, i emntion to her that i was a smoker.. She hate smokers.. Somemore, tat time i have to chase her.. But yet, i have to give up smoking juz becoz i have to chase her.. Well, tat time i almost did but due to some reasons i gave up the idea of quitting after endless pain of enduring the stupid craving for three days.. >_< style="font-style: italic;">
I'm really not pitying u.. I really duno how does all this happen.. I never expected things to turn out like this.. Unexplainable stuffs.. Maybe it's juz like wat u said.. It might be a blessing in disguise.. But one thing i'm sure of. I'm indeed following my heart and doing wat my feelings tell me to do.. Watever the future may holds, i juz wan to treasure every single moment with you. No matter how hard life gonna be, i shall have no regrets in watever i've done and watever ur future decision shall be.. Behind me, there's always you.. Behind you, there's always me.. When u shouldered too much and almost cannot take it anymore, juz remember that i'm always ready to catch you when u gonna fall..
However, i'm going to make a real tough decision of my life.. This gonna decide my future.. For your sake, i'm going to make this decision of something.. Pardon me for not saying anything abt this.. Everyone has got their secrets. For me, this is my greatest secret which NO ONE knows.. The decision gonna be made maybe tml.. When i made that decision and i will see how is the result.. If it's a good result, i promise you i will tell you abt it. A secret which i will only tell You.. But, touchwood, if it's gonna be a bad result, i really dunno wat to do.. If really a bad result, i will need a lot of time to myself to straighten out my thoughts and replan all my plans coz it will have a drastic change in my life...
Tired.. Guess i shld stop here... Bye all..
That time saw shan in RO.. I haven't been active in there for a long long time liao.. 1st thing she saw me is shout out my name and came over to my side and kept kissing me ingame.. =.= I'm so full of saliva sia.. lolx. Then that stupid TPL also come and disturb.. =.= But anyway, glad to see shan ingame.. At least i know that she is still around in game.. =) Dunno why but i kept worrying for her no matter wat, no matter when, no matter how.. Always thinking whether has she found a job, always thinking whether has she eaten or not, always thinking whether got ppl bully her or not.. Afterall, she's only 16 this yr.. But for this friend, frankly speaking, i do not know much abt her.. I do not know her deep enuff.. Sometimes, there are doubts abt her, abt wat she told me.. Naturally, i used to be a bad guy. I've done a lot of bad things and there would surely be stuffs that i do not wish others to know coz that would only invite unnecessary sympathy and stuffs.. So, whenever being asked, or being force to say, i would not tell the facts.. It's not that i'm not 100% having doubts on her.. Juz tat, some things are better be kept in secret then be reveal.. I can understand de.. I'm a guo lai ren.. She ah, saw on my blog abt prata then ask me where got nice prata.. Then ask me go pei her go eat.. haha.. cute sia.. wan ask me out juz say so lor.. =P Even u dun mention "ai si ni", i would still will go eat with u de.. =)
Early this wk Erica ask me to give her a morning call on Tue morning 7am.. She need to go back to malaysia to get her IC. But i myself also cannot wake up.. =.= Yest nite called her and asked abt her.. Got to know that tat day she woke up at 9am instead but still got go back lah.. Spent abt 2hrs to travel back and also some money coz she took a cab back.. =.= (my fault i guess.. sob) Then when she reach there to collect, she got fed-up with the authorities.. They said her IC is ready for collect and muz collect within 2wks if not will be fined. Then on Tue, she was unable to get her IC.. =.= They said it's ready liao but haven't delivered to them yet so muz wait for another 2wks. She got so angry on the wasted trip, time and money. Therefore, she went for a hair-cut and highlight her hair to green colour.. green.. omg.. =/ I haven't seen her yet so i cannot come to a conclusion whether nice or not.. But maybe i'll be asking her along on sat to Devils' Bar. However, if my favourite is going then i'm not asking Erica to go liao.. At least i'm sure i will Never get slapped by my fave. hee.. But anyway, Erica this sor por also a bit craze de.. Saying me treat her very good.. =.= Got one malay guy kept pestering her then she say maybe need me go help her out by pretending to be her bf. =( My misfortune~~ Lolx.. No lah juz kidding. Juz a helping out.. No prob de. ;)
Long time dun have a long chat with Xuehui liao.. Tat nite i was toking to her on msn. We had a long chat. It was indeed a long and meanful chat.. I knew this guai guai girl when i was in army.. Tat time in army, me and david kept going out and stuffs. Den there's one nights-out, we went to Bedok with James for makan and walk walk. tat time i was not into r/s yet so i dun care much while David go there juz see whether can do a little fishing there or not.. James seeing us like tat, he suggested intro Xuehui to us but too bad, she was busy studying so she not meeting us.. Too bad? i guess it's a blessing in disguise.. =.= James seems to really wish to intro us a guai gal.. Cute and guai gal. For me, my response was like, erm.. ok lor.. Kinda bochap type.. As for David, can really see him grinning for ear to ear.. =.= Can see his vampire's teeth liao. *sweat* Thinking abt this prob, i've thot of asking James to 4get all abt it coz i do not wish to invite troubles.. However, spilled water cannot be put back.. Thus, i told James that let me have her number so that i can befriend her before David does.. I know tat David would not snatch a friend's gf. Especially tat time he treated me as his buddy.. Therefore i got to know Xuehui but this is not the end.. It's juz a begining.. Though merely a friend, David might not wan to give up.. Thus, i would have to chase xuehui.. Getting to know xuehui, i came to know that she is seriously a very guai gal.. When not studying, she would go to library to find books to read.. I always tease her that she gonna finish up all the books in the library one day.. Haha.. As a new friend, i never smoke in front of her. Then came one day, i emntion to her that i was a smoker.. She hate smokers.. Somemore, tat time i have to chase her.. But yet, i have to give up smoking juz becoz i have to chase her.. Well, tat time i almost did but due to some reasons i gave up the idea of quitting after endless pain of enduring the stupid craving for three days.. >_< style="font-style: italic;">
I'm really not pitying u.. I really duno how does all this happen.. I never expected things to turn out like this.. Unexplainable stuffs.. Maybe it's juz like wat u said.. It might be a blessing in disguise.. But one thing i'm sure of. I'm indeed following my heart and doing wat my feelings tell me to do.. Watever the future may holds, i juz wan to treasure every single moment with you. No matter how hard life gonna be, i shall have no regrets in watever i've done and watever ur future decision shall be.. Behind me, there's always you.. Behind you, there's always me.. When u shouldered too much and almost cannot take it anymore, juz remember that i'm always ready to catch you when u gonna fall..
However, i'm going to make a real tough decision of my life.. This gonna decide my future.. For your sake, i'm going to make this decision of something.. Pardon me for not saying anything abt this.. Everyone has got their secrets. For me, this is my greatest secret which NO ONE knows.. The decision gonna be made maybe tml.. When i made that decision and i will see how is the result.. If it's a good result, i promise you i will tell you abt it. A secret which i will only tell You.. But, touchwood, if it's gonna be a bad result, i really dunno wat to do.. If really a bad result, i will need a lot of time to myself to straighten out my thoughts and replan all my plans coz it will have a drastic change in my life...
Tired.. Guess i shld stop here... Bye all..
17 April, 2005
Juz read something from somewhere.. Somehow, kinda having mixed feeling abt this.. Haiz.. Dunno wat to say and how to handle.. =.= Anyway, leave that at the moment.. The more i think i abt it the more confused i get.
I used to be a damn guy who not worth living in this world wasting those rice and wheat.. Even though if i'm gone, no one would really care.. This is so-called "better off dead".. Dunno how.. I've started to feel that i'm suddenly needed in this world.. I suddenly feel that if i'm gone, there'll be a drastic change in certain ppl.. Especially my mom.. Afterall, i've started to can't bear to live this world.. There are things that i seems can't to put down..
Sometime i really dunno how the hell i can endure thru that 'special pain of hopelessness'.. Is that an eternal pain that's engraved into me ever since i'm born? Is that a retribution that's bestowed to me for wat i've done in my previous life? Unbearable and uncontrollable pain that cannot be solved in short time.. I guess i'll need at least another 10yrs before i can ease that pain.. It's a pain that no one can help me with.. Is a pain but cannot be describe with merely words.. Luckily it doesn't occur very often.. Sometimes once a wk; Sometimes once a month..
This is my last job i have to finish before i can finally release myself and do my own things.. It is also the final thing i had to settle before i can leave.. I do not wish to escape from reality neither do i wish to involve others.. It's better to be left unknown.. It's better not to know anything abt it..
These few nites i've been chatting with Erica.. I told her i intend to find another job.. Now i'm working almost full day plus a bit of sideline here and there.. I intend to get another job which hopefully it's at nite.. Then she told me not to tire-out myself, so i replied "Then u support me lor".. Hahaha.. Then she scold me asked me go die then i replied, "die? si le geng hao.. shen me dou bu you xiang le.." Then she ask me not to die.. =.= So hard to please.. haha.. But anyway, i wun give up so easily......at least i wun give up without trying..
I used to be a damn guy who not worth living in this world wasting those rice and wheat.. Even though if i'm gone, no one would really care.. This is so-called "better off dead".. Dunno how.. I've started to feel that i'm suddenly needed in this world.. I suddenly feel that if i'm gone, there'll be a drastic change in certain ppl.. Especially my mom.. Afterall, i've started to can't bear to live this world.. There are things that i seems can't to put down..
Sometime i really dunno how the hell i can endure thru that 'special pain of hopelessness'.. Is that an eternal pain that's engraved into me ever since i'm born? Is that a retribution that's bestowed to me for wat i've done in my previous life? Unbearable and uncontrollable pain that cannot be solved in short time.. I guess i'll need at least another 10yrs before i can ease that pain.. It's a pain that no one can help me with.. Is a pain but cannot be describe with merely words.. Luckily it doesn't occur very often.. Sometimes once a wk; Sometimes once a month..
This is my last job i have to finish before i can finally release myself and do my own things.. It is also the final thing i had to settle before i can leave.. I do not wish to escape from reality neither do i wish to involve others.. It's better to be left unknown.. It's better not to know anything abt it..
These few nites i've been chatting with Erica.. I told her i intend to find another job.. Now i'm working almost full day plus a bit of sideline here and there.. I intend to get another job which hopefully it's at nite.. Then she told me not to tire-out myself, so i replied "Then u support me lor".. Hahaha.. Then she scold me asked me go die then i replied, "die? si le geng hao.. shen me dou bu you xiang le.." Then she ask me not to die.. =.= So hard to please.. haha.. But anyway, i wun give up so easily......at least i wun give up without trying..
I've always said that being into this world is like a cruel thing.. Coz will have to suffer in this cruel world.. "Since you are born you cried while the world rejoiced.." Ups and downs are part of life.. It all depends on self on how you look at it and handle it.. Some ppl are fated to be born poor; some are born with a silver spoon in their mouth; some are born with a golden spoon.. All these doesn't matter.. A rich person may not be happy; a poor person may not be sad. Fated to be will be. It all depends how how ppl choose their paths and how they look at themselves.. There are ppl who are living in poor country who always got problem seeking their meals.. There are ppl who lived in poor country and yet they are like kings.. There are ppl who are rich but they are lonely.. There are ppl who are poor but they are happy..
If u look at life, u can see a 'normal' things going around.. "People tends to go for wealth. No matter how hard they work, they wanted to lead a better life. If not for self, at least for the next generation." "People tends to go for health when they got wealth. No matter how much they paid, they wanted to stay healthy."
For wealth, for health, it doesn't really matter. As long there's a goal in life.. How abt love? We human dun live to love neither would we love to live..
'Live to Love' - You mean u actually living in this world juz to love? Wat abt friends and family? Even though not rich but average also wun have such thinking..
'Love to Live' - You mean u actually love a person juz to live on? Without love u would die? Then wat abt all monks and nuns in the world?
Human matured as time goes by.. BUT not all. Some still remains in the same place repeating the same thing over and over again.. IE, i've got a friend who does nothing but betting on soccer. Easy money yeah? Juz sitting there watching 22 people chasing a ball and when ur judgement show u the path u win money. How fun.. Not! It's pure stupidity. Not only soccer. Toto, 4D, horce-racing, etc. If really that easy i would not have been working so freaking hard for dunno wat the fark i'm working for. Working long hours with bad treatments and endure them juz to make ends meet.. Before i started working when i was young, spending money was so hell easy as ABC. Even though started to work at age of 12, i can freely spend on watever i wanted. I can buy watever i wanted. I can do watever i wanted. I can forgot all abt those hardships that i've been thru when i'm very very young. I've been thru all sorts of stuffs.. When ppl confide in me abt how pitiful they are, abt how hard their life are, how painful their heart are, how regretful they are.. I know. All these feelings i know and i can understand.
There are many things that i do know but ppl around me doesn't know wat do i know or wat do i understand when they tell me things.. Coz they din know that i've been thru the path that they are walking on now.. For i've never tell.. Well, there isn't a need to tell all that are in my mind and wat i'm thinking.. Nowadays technology is so high-tech. I can jolly-well post my thoughts in here, blog. It's not for ppl to see. It more of a self-confide.. I do have great friends and pals out there for me to confide in. But sometimes i can be very selfish.. As for some ppl whom i do not wish to go confide in them is becoz. They themselves never confide in me. I know they have got problems and got things to say but when u facing them, they would said nothing.. Care and concern gone into nothing is wat i hate most in my life.. When goodwill being turned down is a sad thing.. Thus, to those blacklisted ppl, i will not tell them anything. Well, in this blog, yes they can still read my mind but so wat? All these are not 100% of all that in my mind. Till date, this blog merely consist of roughly 30% of all the stuffs in that stupid brain of mine. ppl who know my past doesn't really know wat kind of person i'm now. ppl who know me now doesn't know wat kind of person i'm 10yrs ago or even 15yrs ago.. My background is the most complicated.. Till date there's no one who really fully understand me inside out. Be it my ex-girlfriends or my close friends.. NONE of them.
Enuff ranting of those. Lately i've discovered a friend. Her thinking is of 'weird'. maybe it's normal. When you see two person of different gender being close does that really means the two of them are together? Me and celena being so 'close' together and yet we are still friends. Can't friends of diff gender be close? All in her mind is only one thing, 'love' & 'relationship'. Hopeless. Childish. Naive. That's why somethings reading/watching too much abt love can be a bad thing.. Sigh.. I dun even know wat can i type to mean wat i'm trying to say..
As for another friend of mine. Looking at her is indeed a reflection of me in a mirror.. Reflecting me on how i treat all my friends even though i have to lose out something.. Dignity, pride, money, time, effort, even love.. It's hard to find someone of such character.. So far, not much ppl can compared to her.. Willingness to give up something juz for a friend, giving up freedom juz for a friend, giving in to someone even if it's against her will.. Always think abt others before self..
Zhu ren shi wei kuai le zhi ben. Ke shi, ren bu ji tian zhu di mie.. Dan shi, ren tai guo wei ji zi shen zi mie. Ke shi, ren wang wang shen bu you ji..
Hai.. When ppl is too nice, others tend to take advantages.. I can understand how that supposed to feel.. Coz i've been thru wat she is going thru.. Well, u know who i'm refering to.. I know you would read this.. Dun worry abt giving in or giving up. This is not abt being not following ur heart.. Coz it's ur heart that tells u to do it.. =) Need not worry abt cannot take it anymore coz i'm will be there for you.. You know me.. I give more than i take.. You can take from me as much as you can.. There are already so many ppl taking from me, juz one more you, makes no different to me. Somemore, you are special. I will never think that as 'taking advantages'.. So go on and take.. I'll be more than happy for u to do that.. Remember, not all ppl in this world can let ppl take and not wanting any returns.. I can be an exception. =)
Btw, my horoscope sign is Aquarius.. Got this from the web and seems quite true.. Haha..
"Making up is hard to do, unless you pay special attention to your love's Sun Sign. The next time you find yourself in the dog house, consider the following tips. Pretty soon, you'll be back in your beloved's arms, rather than scratching at the back door for scraps!
Invite Aquarius to discuss your problems over coffee. The Water-bearer can't resist an free exchange of ideas. Resist getting emotional with this sign, or you'll remain single. Don't keep any secrets from Aquarius, or your relationship will continue to stagnate. If you want this sign to stick around, you've got to keep everything out in the open. Be more open to adventure, and take the Water-bearer's suggestions from time to time."
If u look at life, u can see a 'normal' things going around.. "People tends to go for wealth. No matter how hard they work, they wanted to lead a better life. If not for self, at least for the next generation." "People tends to go for health when they got wealth. No matter how much they paid, they wanted to stay healthy."
For wealth, for health, it doesn't really matter. As long there's a goal in life.. How abt love? We human dun live to love neither would we love to live..
'Live to Love' - You mean u actually living in this world juz to love? Wat abt friends and family? Even though not rich but average also wun have such thinking..
'Love to Live' - You mean u actually love a person juz to live on? Without love u would die? Then wat abt all monks and nuns in the world?
Human matured as time goes by.. BUT not all. Some still remains in the same place repeating the same thing over and over again.. IE, i've got a friend who does nothing but betting on soccer. Easy money yeah? Juz sitting there watching 22 people chasing a ball and when ur judgement show u the path u win money. How fun.. Not! It's pure stupidity. Not only soccer. Toto, 4D, horce-racing, etc. If really that easy i would not have been working so freaking hard for dunno wat the fark i'm working for. Working long hours with bad treatments and endure them juz to make ends meet.. Before i started working when i was young, spending money was so hell easy as ABC. Even though started to work at age of 12, i can freely spend on watever i wanted. I can buy watever i wanted. I can do watever i wanted. I can forgot all abt those hardships that i've been thru when i'm very very young. I've been thru all sorts of stuffs.. When ppl confide in me abt how pitiful they are, abt how hard their life are, how painful their heart are, how regretful they are.. I know. All these feelings i know and i can understand.
There are many things that i do know but ppl around me doesn't know wat do i know or wat do i understand when they tell me things.. Coz they din know that i've been thru the path that they are walking on now.. For i've never tell.. Well, there isn't a need to tell all that are in my mind and wat i'm thinking.. Nowadays technology is so high-tech. I can jolly-well post my thoughts in here, blog. It's not for ppl to see. It more of a self-confide.. I do have great friends and pals out there for me to confide in. But sometimes i can be very selfish.. As for some ppl whom i do not wish to go confide in them is becoz. They themselves never confide in me. I know they have got problems and got things to say but when u facing them, they would said nothing.. Care and concern gone into nothing is wat i hate most in my life.. When goodwill being turned down is a sad thing.. Thus, to those blacklisted ppl, i will not tell them anything. Well, in this blog, yes they can still read my mind but so wat? All these are not 100% of all that in my mind. Till date, this blog merely consist of roughly 30% of all the stuffs in that stupid brain of mine. ppl who know my past doesn't really know wat kind of person i'm now. ppl who know me now doesn't know wat kind of person i'm 10yrs ago or even 15yrs ago.. My background is the most complicated.. Till date there's no one who really fully understand me inside out. Be it my ex-girlfriends or my close friends.. NONE of them.
Enuff ranting of those. Lately i've discovered a friend. Her thinking is of 'weird'. maybe it's normal. When you see two person of different gender being close does that really means the two of them are together? Me and celena being so 'close' together and yet we are still friends. Can't friends of diff gender be close? All in her mind is only one thing, 'love' & 'relationship'. Hopeless. Childish. Naive. That's why somethings reading/watching too much abt love can be a bad thing.. Sigh.. I dun even know wat can i type to mean wat i'm trying to say..
As for another friend of mine. Looking at her is indeed a reflection of me in a mirror.. Reflecting me on how i treat all my friends even though i have to lose out something.. Dignity, pride, money, time, effort, even love.. It's hard to find someone of such character.. So far, not much ppl can compared to her.. Willingness to give up something juz for a friend, giving up freedom juz for a friend, giving in to someone even if it's against her will.. Always think abt others before self..
Zhu ren shi wei kuai le zhi ben. Ke shi, ren bu ji tian zhu di mie.. Dan shi, ren tai guo wei ji zi shen zi mie. Ke shi, ren wang wang shen bu you ji..
Hai.. When ppl is too nice, others tend to take advantages.. I can understand how that supposed to feel.. Coz i've been thru wat she is going thru.. Well, u know who i'm refering to.. I know you would read this.. Dun worry abt giving in or giving up. This is not abt being not following ur heart.. Coz it's ur heart that tells u to do it.. =) Need not worry abt cannot take it anymore coz i'm will be there for you.. You know me.. I give more than i take.. You can take from me as much as you can.. There are already so many ppl taking from me, juz one more you, makes no different to me. Somemore, you are special. I will never think that as 'taking advantages'.. So go on and take.. I'll be more than happy for u to do that.. Remember, not all ppl in this world can let ppl take and not wanting any returns.. I can be an exception. =)
Btw, my horoscope sign is Aquarius.. Got this from the web and seems quite true.. Haha..
"Making up is hard to do, unless you pay special attention to your love's Sun Sign. The next time you find yourself in the dog house, consider the following tips. Pretty soon, you'll be back in your beloved's arms, rather than scratching at the back door for scraps!
Invite Aquarius to discuss your problems over coffee. The Water-bearer can't resist an free exchange of ideas. Resist getting emotional with this sign, or you'll remain single. Don't keep any secrets from Aquarius, or your relationship will continue to stagnate. If you want this sign to stick around, you've got to keep everything out in the open. Be more open to adventure, and take the Water-bearer's suggestions from time to time."
14 April, 2005
Long time no post liao.. Busy busy and busy but i dunno wat i'm busy with.. >_<
Last sunday got a call from shan. She wanted to have a drink with at East Coast. She lives nearby there anyway.. So i went on and meet her downstairs her place. Then we proceed on to Cheers and get 4 cans of beer then we went on to East Coast. We settle down on the beach and started drinking while she pour out wat's on her mind.. Hmm.. Drinking at there with some background music from the pub while hearing the wave as it comes and goes.. Slight breeze under the clear moonless sky with lotsa shining stars.. She juz broke off with her bf and her bf juz got together with another gal.. Haiz.. Like wat ppl always say, men tend to have a change of heart so easily.. How i wish i can also.. sigh.. Anyway, we even lay down on the sand.. Staring at the sky full of stars.. How peaceful.. I really love serenity.. Calmness.. peacefulness.. quietness.. maybe loneliness.. I'm used to it though.. i'm not afraid of it neither will i escape from it.. heh.. Well, i'm quite happy that at least i can be there for her when she's needing it.. Lending a hand, a listening ear, a shoulder are wat i always like to do.. No matter who needs it.. But of coz if someone i dun like tell me that she/he need it, i will say no.. Not worth my time. =) So those who got turn down will know who they are.. Haha.. But dun play cheat lah.. When i'm really busy, better dun 'fan' me.. =P
I was asked, "How to forget a person..?" A tough nut hard to crack.. I dun have a definite answer to this.. I only know one thing.. I will not put in all my effort into love but spread it among those around me.. Be it guys or gals, all shall have equal share.. Though i might be biased at times.. Giving much more to those more worthy.. I will juz have to follow my heart juz like someone who always tell me so.. =)
Not wanting to put in more effort is indeed selfish.. I do not wish for that too.. Once a glass is broken, no matter how hard u tried to put them together, there are still cracks.. Well, if in a relationship i dun put in effort, the memories left behind wun be as memorable.. That i understand but i really dunno wat to do.. Skeptical eh..? Haha.. Wat to do..
The more i find a person good, the more i not wanting to get any closer to her.. Juz like my previous experience which was ages ago.. Afterall, i'm a bad guy..
The more i find a person who is no good, the more i'm not interested in getting any closer as well. It's like "dun waste my time, thank you."
I'm indeed hard to please.. Well, i've a sudden interest in buddishism.. Lotsa of logic of human life.. I'm still thinking if i shld go on and find out more abt it.. Knowing more will improve my point of view of life though.. It's like "zhuo ren de dao li".. sigh..
Well, now then i realised that i'm not attracted to pretty gals nor cute gals nor ugly gals. I'm only attracted to good-natured gals.. But yet, i dun not wish to get close to good gals coz i'm bad.. >_< Being paranoid eh? haha.. really cannot make it.. haha..
All my close gal-friends are not pretty.. All my pretty gal-friends are not close to me.. Well, looks do not last while the heart does.. Though there are times where there is a change of heart but still good-natured will different from the rest. At least, i'm sure abt this after 23yrs of worthless living this cruel world.. haha..
Sigh.. Is love a sin? It can be so beautiful yet bitter.. "Always let the nature takes its own course.." However, i have had different thinking.. Not everything have to let it be natural.. I let my hair go against the natural-flow though.. =P Some things have to be forced.. Including affairs of the heart.. If i really have to force myself to forget someone, i will really try my best, even if it means my life.. Tat's why i wish i dun put in so much effort on the wrong one.. Unless it's really 'THE ONE'.. I've been thru all kinds of hardships and sufferings which almost all ppl do not experienced before.. I'm tired and exhausted.. Giving up my life and selfishly give up everything is my Final Resort.. i hope i dun have to resort to that too.. When i'm with a partner till we are old, i still wish that she go before me..
Celena had a sudden detest in all men.. =.= Was unable to get any info out of her.. Kinda worried abt her.. I'm also worried abt Shan.. Haiz... Nothing is perfect in this world.. All these are part and parcel of life.. Different personalities will deal with things differently.. Finally feeling a little sleepy liao.. Bye all..
Last sunday got a call from shan. She wanted to have a drink with at East Coast. She lives nearby there anyway.. So i went on and meet her downstairs her place. Then we proceed on to Cheers and get 4 cans of beer then we went on to East Coast. We settle down on the beach and started drinking while she pour out wat's on her mind.. Hmm.. Drinking at there with some background music from the pub while hearing the wave as it comes and goes.. Slight breeze under the clear moonless sky with lotsa shining stars.. She juz broke off with her bf and her bf juz got together with another gal.. Haiz.. Like wat ppl always say, men tend to have a change of heart so easily.. How i wish i can also.. sigh.. Anyway, we even lay down on the sand.. Staring at the sky full of stars.. How peaceful.. I really love serenity.. Calmness.. peacefulness.. quietness.. maybe loneliness.. I'm used to it though.. i'm not afraid of it neither will i escape from it.. heh.. Well, i'm quite happy that at least i can be there for her when she's needing it.. Lending a hand, a listening ear, a shoulder are wat i always like to do.. No matter who needs it.. But of coz if someone i dun like tell me that she/he need it, i will say no.. Not worth my time. =) So those who got turn down will know who they are.. Haha.. But dun play cheat lah.. When i'm really busy, better dun 'fan' me.. =P
I was asked, "How to forget a person..?" A tough nut hard to crack.. I dun have a definite answer to this.. I only know one thing.. I will not put in all my effort into love but spread it among those around me.. Be it guys or gals, all shall have equal share.. Though i might be biased at times.. Giving much more to those more worthy.. I will juz have to follow my heart juz like someone who always tell me so.. =)
Not wanting to put in more effort is indeed selfish.. I do not wish for that too.. Once a glass is broken, no matter how hard u tried to put them together, there are still cracks.. Well, if in a relationship i dun put in effort, the memories left behind wun be as memorable.. That i understand but i really dunno wat to do.. Skeptical eh..? Haha.. Wat to do..
The more i find a person good, the more i not wanting to get any closer to her.. Juz like my previous experience which was ages ago.. Afterall, i'm a bad guy..
The more i find a person who is no good, the more i'm not interested in getting any closer as well. It's like "dun waste my time, thank you."
I'm indeed hard to please.. Well, i've a sudden interest in buddishism.. Lotsa of logic of human life.. I'm still thinking if i shld go on and find out more abt it.. Knowing more will improve my point of view of life though.. It's like "zhuo ren de dao li".. sigh..
Well, now then i realised that i'm not attracted to pretty gals nor cute gals nor ugly gals. I'm only attracted to good-natured gals.. But yet, i dun not wish to get close to good gals coz i'm bad.. >_< Being paranoid eh? haha.. really cannot make it.. haha..
All my close gal-friends are not pretty.. All my pretty gal-friends are not close to me.. Well, looks do not last while the heart does.. Though there are times where there is a change of heart but still good-natured will different from the rest. At least, i'm sure abt this after 23yrs of worthless living this cruel world.. haha..
Sigh.. Is love a sin? It can be so beautiful yet bitter.. "Always let the nature takes its own course.." However, i have had different thinking.. Not everything have to let it be natural.. I let my hair go against the natural-flow though.. =P Some things have to be forced.. Including affairs of the heart.. If i really have to force myself to forget someone, i will really try my best, even if it means my life.. Tat's why i wish i dun put in so much effort on the wrong one.. Unless it's really 'THE ONE'.. I've been thru all kinds of hardships and sufferings which almost all ppl do not experienced before.. I'm tired and exhausted.. Giving up my life and selfishly give up everything is my Final Resort.. i hope i dun have to resort to that too.. When i'm with a partner till we are old, i still wish that she go before me..
Celena had a sudden detest in all men.. =.= Was unable to get any info out of her.. Kinda worried abt her.. I'm also worried abt Shan.. Haiz... Nothing is perfect in this world.. All these are part and parcel of life.. Different personalities will deal with things differently.. Finally feeling a little sleepy liao.. Bye all..
06 April, 2005
Remember the last pc show at Suntec? I was there helping out at a stall near the toilet there? Tat time every nite also look thru HWZ forums.. There was a talk on this gal who was a model as well as 'show-gal' for a company. Can't rmb whether nikon or canon.. Anyway, her name is Cassandra. Yep, unique name. Flash across my mind was a primary sch friend's nick. But doesn't matter lah. Saw her pics in HWZ. Quite ok lor.. But anyway not my prob. =P And i dunno who was that also..
Lately, there reveal the blogspot of Cassandra. o.O I saw the template: Catch a falling star. At 1st i thot my colleague was reading Cel's blog. =.= Same template mah.. hehe.. Saw more of her pics in there. The more i see, the more she looks familiar.. Check the DOB, same yr as us(the ksps, my pri sch). Check the profile - Student/freelance model. Check the interest - she like Warcraft. The next moment i thot of is Jinlun.. =.= I open another browser and go into friendster, check out JL's friends and found her. I'm right abt it. She is the one from our pri sch.. Now i know why JL like WC3 that much.. hehe. Yea, Cassandra WAS JL's all-time-fave but i THINK it was in the past. Maybe.. heheeheheheheeheheh~ =P But anyway, not my prob. ^^
Well well, she had gotten very very popular in HWZ. Lotsa guys were eyeing her.. haha.. She was the talk among the guys even till now.. Got a fan-club from them somemore.. lolx. But anyway, it's not my prob.. heh ^^
Someone suddenly asked me abt this online game called Ragnarok Online. A malaysia-server based online RPG game. I've been playing mRo ever since i left army and quit Elysium.. It was also this game which makes my colleague so addicted to it.. Juz like how i used to be when i played Elysium.. When in camp, my heart would have the urge to rush home to play. When i'm on the fone, i got no mood to talk as i'm playing it as well.. The game that nearly took up most of the place in my heart.. It's not the fun abt the gameplay but the community.. Haha.. Such great friends in there. Having lotsa fun chatting with them whenever i'm online. ^_^ As for mRo, not much toking in there and merely have few friends.. Main is my colleague and me in guild chatting.. I'm not too addicted to this luckily.. At least when asked to choose between watching a show with a friend or play game, i will choose to watch show.. ^_^
I've got my PDL liao.. I haven't make appointment with Uncle Tommy(Deyuan's mum's friend as well as Deyuan's class 3 instructor).. Heh.. I intend to book my practical every sunday.. Dunno when can i get my license.. One-time-pass for all my theory tests, hope i can do the same for the last one juz like how i fared during army when taking class 3.. hehe.. Alright, gotta go koon liao.. Exhausted.. =( Miina~ Oyasuminasai~! ^o^
Lately, there reveal the blogspot of Cassandra. o.O I saw the template: Catch a falling star. At 1st i thot my colleague was reading Cel's blog. =.= Same template mah.. hehe.. Saw more of her pics in there. The more i see, the more she looks familiar.. Check the DOB, same yr as us(the ksps, my pri sch). Check the profile - Student/freelance model. Check the interest - she like Warcraft. The next moment i thot of is Jinlun.. =.= I open another browser and go into friendster, check out JL's friends and found her. I'm right abt it. She is the one from our pri sch.. Now i know why JL like WC3 that much.. hehe. Yea, Cassandra WAS JL's all-time-fave but i THINK it was in the past. Maybe.. heheeheheheheeheheh~ =P But anyway, not my prob. ^^
Well well, she had gotten very very popular in HWZ. Lotsa guys were eyeing her.. haha.. She was the talk among the guys even till now.. Got a fan-club from them somemore.. lolx. But anyway, it's not my prob.. heh ^^
Someone suddenly asked me abt this online game called Ragnarok Online. A malaysia-server based online RPG game. I've been playing mRo ever since i left army and quit Elysium.. It was also this game which makes my colleague so addicted to it.. Juz like how i used to be when i played Elysium.. When in camp, my heart would have the urge to rush home to play. When i'm on the fone, i got no mood to talk as i'm playing it as well.. The game that nearly took up most of the place in my heart.. It's not the fun abt the gameplay but the community.. Haha.. Such great friends in there. Having lotsa fun chatting with them whenever i'm online. ^_^ As for mRo, not much toking in there and merely have few friends.. Main is my colleague and me in guild chatting.. I'm not too addicted to this luckily.. At least when asked to choose between watching a show with a friend or play game, i will choose to watch show.. ^_^
I've got my PDL liao.. I haven't make appointment with Uncle Tommy(Deyuan's mum's friend as well as Deyuan's class 3 instructor).. Heh.. I intend to book my practical every sunday.. Dunno when can i get my license.. One-time-pass for all my theory tests, hope i can do the same for the last one juz like how i fared during army when taking class 3.. hehe.. Alright, gotta go koon liao.. Exhausted.. =( Miina~ Oyasuminasai~! ^o^
02 April, 2005
Sad.. Juz got to know that one of Celena's friend's bf past away in an accident.. =( Sad case.. She muz has been heart-broken.. Losing someone so dearly.. This yr is a bad yr... So many sad things happened... My 2nd uncle's wife's father passed away, my 2nd auntie's hubby passed away, Irene's bf's father passed away, Celena's friend's bf passed away, my dog had not been eating much lately, my big uncle had been admitted to SGH EVERY MONTH since early this yr.. Oh man.. Wat's wrong with this yr..? I know life and death are predestined.. I know it's all fate.. I still can't let it off.. Life is so full of surprises and mysteries and unpredictations..
I always tell myself this. Treat everyday as if it's the last day of my life.. So that i can really feel and treasure as much as i can.. Maybe that is why i'm always treating everyone so good.. No grudges, no tempers, etc.. =/ Whenever i see ppl feeling blue, my mood will definitely go blue too.. ppl feel sad, i will feel sad.. I'm so emotional.. Sometimes i really wish i'm cold-blooded.. =/ At least that way i wun be so uncomfy.. >_< But anyway, i'm born like that.. Need to ask my mum and ask her why she give birth to me like that.. =.=
I always tell myself this. Treat everyday as if it's the last day of my life.. So that i can really feel and treasure as much as i can.. Maybe that is why i'm always treating everyone so good.. No grudges, no tempers, etc.. =/ Whenever i see ppl feeling blue, my mood will definitely go blue too.. ppl feel sad, i will feel sad.. I'm so emotional.. Sometimes i really wish i'm cold-blooded.. =/ At least that way i wun be so uncomfy.. >_< But anyway, i'm born like that.. Need to ask my mum and ask her why she give birth to me like that.. =.=
Juz came back from NB(Newsroom Bar @ MS).. Not too shag, not too drunk.. Was juz right.. Those gals ah.. =.= Irene, Carisa and Jenny. The 3 sisters of my chiong group.. At NB, there are michael's friends. Michael is Irene's bf.. They indeed took good care of them.. Kept asking them to drink and drink and drink.. One of them even ask Irene up to the bartop and dance with him.. Haha.. Fierce sia.. Then also got quite a few unknown guys trying to chat up with them.. I heard a lot of them saying that the 3 of them doesn't look like sisters.. i agree.. lolx.. Jenny is the oldest, then come Carisa then Irene.. Of them all, Irene is the hottest. But still, a lot of attractions attention from those guys out there.. Haha.. However, too bad, Irene though the youngest but also the most fierce and also the most experienced in handling such guys and shoo them away.. Haha.. I indeed dare not to drink much.. If i really drunk ah, there might not be anyone else to take care of them, slightly at least. Not much of a great help, but still helped a bit lah.. =P Actually, i intend to go MW(Madam Wong) with Michael(One of my dealer in SLS) but i can't seems to get thru his hp.. Been calling since 8pm and gave up at abt 1am.. =.=" Haiz.. Tat's why i intend to join those gals.. Overall the music over there wasn't too bad.. Retro + some classics + some rocks.. Targetted age-group is those 20+ close to 30s.. I'm not too old but neither am i too young.. =P
Oh ya, met Sean(My DYS4 during my army days, my officer in-charge of Logistic). He had grown fatter.. As in more chubby lah.. heh.. His previous company closed down liao, now working at another company.. Same as me, my previous company also closed down and i'm working in another company.. lolx.. Life's so full of coincidence.. Or rather sad.. But anyway, life still goes on.. =)
I've been asked by someone why am i being so good to her as well as another gal.. I shld have been good to only one. Devoted to only one.. Then i came to realised.. I dun have any gf, tat's why my feelings can go around the gals and treating each and everyone of them good.. IE, i can tolerate Erica's unreasonable slaps and demands.. IE, i can put in effort to make virtual chocolates for shan as well as showering her with care and concern without asking anything in return.. IE, i can treat TPL good as if i'm very close to her. IE, i can go download animes for XH as if i'm really that free and be her anime-supplier.. IE, i can treat Celena as good as i can as a friend or maybe somehow slightly more than a friend. I can basically treat ANYONE good as long as no one step on my head and make me blow my top.. I can share all my care and concern among all my friends, equally regardless of gender.. Tat's becoz i dun have a special someone for me to put in all my efforts and give her everything.. So, i'm free to give wat i can without really asking for a return.. Maybe i'm not really that good. I can't say that for myself. I leave those to my friends.. I can't control their thinking nor can i mislead them.. But anyway, i'm tired liao.. Tml still gotta work.. Oyasuminasai..
Oh ya, met Sean(My DYS4 during my army days, my officer in-charge of Logistic). He had grown fatter.. As in more chubby lah.. heh.. His previous company closed down liao, now working at another company.. Same as me, my previous company also closed down and i'm working in another company.. lolx.. Life's so full of coincidence.. Or rather sad.. But anyway, life still goes on.. =)
I've been asked by someone why am i being so good to her as well as another gal.. I shld have been good to only one. Devoted to only one.. Then i came to realised.. I dun have any gf, tat's why my feelings can go around the gals and treating each and everyone of them good.. IE, i can tolerate Erica's unreasonable slaps and demands.. IE, i can put in effort to make virtual chocolates for shan as well as showering her with care and concern without asking anything in return.. IE, i can treat TPL good as if i'm very close to her. IE, i can go download animes for XH as if i'm really that free and be her anime-supplier.. IE, i can treat Celena as good as i can as a friend or maybe somehow slightly more than a friend. I can basically treat ANYONE good as long as no one step on my head and make me blow my top.. I can share all my care and concern among all my friends, equally regardless of gender.. Tat's becoz i dun have a special someone for me to put in all my efforts and give her everything.. So, i'm free to give wat i can without really asking for a return.. Maybe i'm not really that good. I can't say that for myself. I leave those to my friends.. I can't control their thinking nor can i mislead them.. But anyway, i'm tired liao.. Tml still gotta work.. Oyasuminasai..
31 March, 2005
Haiz.. Life is so full of ups and downs.. Bad times, good times, happy times, sad time, etc. Sometimes really dun understand life.. Y can it be so unfair..? Maybe i'm rite abt life.. We are borned to suffer in this world even though there's good times.. Sad of all, many good-life do not know wat's good for them.. Taking everything for granted.. Sigh..
I've got true life story.. Who cares, read on. If not, the 'close icon' is at top right. Thanks.
I've got a friend, X. Her family background is messy. As messy as mine but mine is much more jialat.. In her family are her parents and one elder brother and they live in a One-Room HDB Flat. She is 16 this yr and her bro i'm not sure but i know he is still studying, in a poly i think. She had quitted sch early this yr. Few factors detected.. 1stly, her mum is not working and she is not being normal. Pardon me for saying this but she told me that herself. Her dad is working though but i dunno as wat.. The father have to support the family with a peanut-pay. Everyday is trying to make ends meet. Her brother is studying with like not much concern as everything is covered.. No need to worry abt pocket-money, no need to worry abt sch fees, etc. X is sick of studying due to peer pressure.. Ancient ppl always think that for gals, they do not need to study much. Afterall, they got married off and live off their hubbies.. But in SG, it's diff.. Unless the guy is super rich. Any Average guy wun be able to support the high living standards.. Now, X quitted her sch to help out with the family burden.. Well, several things happened at these time.. X has to pay for the house utilities and give her parents a bit of money.. Despite that, her brother used the internet vigorously.. Well, that account was under her name.. So, she of coz have to pay for that.. Recently she lost her handphone and she did not manage to cut it off before the usage shot up.. The bill came and shows $500+.. To make things worst, her brother treated her very badly.. wat had she done to deserve such fate..? Now who can tell me?
When i knew her, she had got a bf and her bf is in DB(detention barrack). While she is staying at her bf's place with his parents.. Every mth, she would give his parents $100 for her staying or watsoever.. She doesn't like to go home due to those factors.. Even if it's me, i would do the same.. Now she had broken off with that bf and is with another. Same thing, she lives with him.. For any bad guys out will definitely seize the opportunity and advantage.. Well, all guys think alike. Maybe i'm wrong but 80% i'm right. Who got anything to say? Well, taking advantages of others misery to increase self happiness is something i hate. Coz this is wat i've been thru since i started work.. Ok i do not wish to talk abt my life. It may be nothing wrong for her but i juz can't stand it. I would always do wat i can to help her in the best of my ability.. However, my power is limited..
At 1st i was thinking of getting her a place to stay. At least she wun resort to find a guy to live with him in order to stay away from home.. Erica rent a room and she was paying abt $200 every mth for tat.. Tat was 25% of her monthly pay.. But she still can survive.. However, her character is diff from X. X is more demure and soft-spoken than Erica. As i had mention, Erica can slap me on the face for nothing. If u ask X to do the same to me, i dun think she would. Unless she is Very angry.. An introvert.. =.= So, this idea is also very dangerous.. 2nd idea, with some help, shld be able to rent a Ond-Room Flat for her but the procedure can be tedious and my side cannot help me at all.. Some more, who the hell will dare to rent a place in his/her name and let others stay..? =.= 3rd idea is hostel.. In SG, there are getting more and more FT(Foreign Talent) coming into SG. Some would rent a place to stay while some will go to hostel to stay.. Nearby my place had a new hostel set up.. But i dunno whether would she want.. But anyway, it will be extremely hard to contact her nowadays.. I can't possibly call her bf's place to look for her.. =.= Sigh..
Went to watch HITCH yesterday nite. It was quite a good show.. Lucky still manage to catch it before it is lifted.. Quite a good plot and story.. Few things realised after watching.. IE, a gal will not be attracted or will not notice an ugly guy if there's no created opportunities.. People only look at the pretty side. People is often blind by pretty stuffs. It's human nature. No one is to be blamed.. Ugly ppl do not wish to be born ugly. Well, it's their fate.. If ppl can't accept, so be it but dun discriminate.. It's bad. If really wanna say, juz say it in a joking matter.. Like wat i always used to suan ppl.. No hard feelings after bad words being spilled.. But still dun go too far, there's always a limit in everything..
I've got true life story.. Who cares, read on. If not, the 'close icon' is at top right. Thanks.
I've got a friend, X. Her family background is messy. As messy as mine but mine is much more jialat.. In her family are her parents and one elder brother and they live in a One-Room HDB Flat. She is 16 this yr and her bro i'm not sure but i know he is still studying, in a poly i think. She had quitted sch early this yr. Few factors detected.. 1stly, her mum is not working and she is not being normal. Pardon me for saying this but she told me that herself. Her dad is working though but i dunno as wat.. The father have to support the family with a peanut-pay. Everyday is trying to make ends meet. Her brother is studying with like not much concern as everything is covered.. No need to worry abt pocket-money, no need to worry abt sch fees, etc. X is sick of studying due to peer pressure.. Ancient ppl always think that for gals, they do not need to study much. Afterall, they got married off and live off their hubbies.. But in SG, it's diff.. Unless the guy is super rich. Any Average guy wun be able to support the high living standards.. Now, X quitted her sch to help out with the family burden.. Well, several things happened at these time.. X has to pay for the house utilities and give her parents a bit of money.. Despite that, her brother used the internet vigorously.. Well, that account was under her name.. So, she of coz have to pay for that.. Recently she lost her handphone and she did not manage to cut it off before the usage shot up.. The bill came and shows $500+.. To make things worst, her brother treated her very badly.. wat had she done to deserve such fate..? Now who can tell me?
When i knew her, she had got a bf and her bf is in DB(detention barrack). While she is staying at her bf's place with his parents.. Every mth, she would give his parents $100 for her staying or watsoever.. She doesn't like to go home due to those factors.. Even if it's me, i would do the same.. Now she had broken off with that bf and is with another. Same thing, she lives with him.. For any bad guys out will definitely seize the opportunity and advantage.. Well, all guys think alike. Maybe i'm wrong but 80% i'm right. Who got anything to say? Well, taking advantages of others misery to increase self happiness is something i hate. Coz this is wat i've been thru since i started work.. Ok i do not wish to talk abt my life. It may be nothing wrong for her but i juz can't stand it. I would always do wat i can to help her in the best of my ability.. However, my power is limited..
At 1st i was thinking of getting her a place to stay. At least she wun resort to find a guy to live with him in order to stay away from home.. Erica rent a room and she was paying abt $200 every mth for tat.. Tat was 25% of her monthly pay.. But she still can survive.. However, her character is diff from X. X is more demure and soft-spoken than Erica. As i had mention, Erica can slap me on the face for nothing. If u ask X to do the same to me, i dun think she would. Unless she is Very angry.. An introvert.. =.= So, this idea is also very dangerous.. 2nd idea, with some help, shld be able to rent a Ond-Room Flat for her but the procedure can be tedious and my side cannot help me at all.. Some more, who the hell will dare to rent a place in his/her name and let others stay..? =.= 3rd idea is hostel.. In SG, there are getting more and more FT(Foreign Talent) coming into SG. Some would rent a place to stay while some will go to hostel to stay.. Nearby my place had a new hostel set up.. But i dunno whether would she want.. But anyway, it will be extremely hard to contact her nowadays.. I can't possibly call her bf's place to look for her.. =.= Sigh..
Went to watch HITCH yesterday nite. It was quite a good show.. Lucky still manage to catch it before it is lifted.. Quite a good plot and story.. Few things realised after watching.. IE, a gal will not be attracted or will not notice an ugly guy if there's no created opportunities.. People only look at the pretty side. People is often blind by pretty stuffs. It's human nature. No one is to be blamed.. Ugly ppl do not wish to be born ugly. Well, it's their fate.. If ppl can't accept, so be it but dun discriminate.. It's bad. If really wanna say, juz say it in a joking matter.. Like wat i always used to suan ppl.. No hard feelings after bad words being spilled.. But still dun go too far, there's always a limit in everything..
26 March, 2005
I've got quite a few stuffs to blog.. But somehow after going thru wat Xuehui is going thru, my mind is in a blank and forgotten wat am i supposed to blog.. Feeling real tired now due to lack of sleep due to going clubbing yesterday and this morning still have to work... I go turn on my music player... Jay's songs.. =.= But ok lah.. Not too bad now..
Yesterday met up with Erica and i was late.. Got screamed off my head when i reach.. Her friend and her had been waiting for me for abt 20min. =P Oh, wat's her friend's name? *scratch head* Erm.. I dunno.. =.= Erica din intro and i din ask.. haha.. Afterall, i am a shy person. =P Her friend looks quite cute. Height abt 155+, weight abt 45+, long silky hair slight coloured in brown/gold, jeans with black spaghetti-stripe, slightly glossy small lips, natural-polish nails and decent-looking. When i was asked by Erica to guess how old is she, i reply 15.. lol.. Meant to be a joke, my actual guess was around 26. Wrong. She was 29. Well, she looks young, i mean her look. ^^ She was juz like another Sharon(Ruyou's friend). Look almost the same, as in the way they wear and walk. A bit ah lian but not exact. A bit Anti-social looking but friendly. When Erica and her were cracking some joke when we are on our way walking to Parklane, their laughters are scary.. haha.. Juz like some 'siao char bo'.. haha.. =P Sad to say, though she is abit scary but much better than Erica. At least i feel that i wun get slapped on the face for nothing. =.= Ya, Erica slapped me on the face that day at Devil's Bar for nothing.. Basically she's abit tipsy and down.. Oh my, it's been a long time since i last got slapped on the face.. That was abt 10 yrs ago when i misbehaved..
Me and Erica intend to go Plaza Singapura to catch a show at abt 9pm+.. We wanna watch Miss Congeniality 2 but somehow din managed to get the tickets.. =.= Then we went back to the lan shop at Parklane then after that decided to go Music Underground. Erica's friend's friend is working at there and we can have free entry.. Haha.. When we reach there i saw my two friends.. 1st time seeing these 2 husband and wife go clubbing.. Haha.. The music there damn sian lor.. PLaying 90's techno.. Super turn-off.. =.= But got quite a few gals with nice looking moves.. And a few pretty gals.. Overall, boredom. If i knew i rather go Devils.. sigh.. Then got slapped again. and this time i'm pissed. A pity i dun beat gals. darn. But anyway, to prevent any further conflicts, i better not stay so close to her from now onwards.. If i really cannot stand it anymore i scared i might do something against my will..
Rarely i see good gals being single.. =.= Some normal gals that i came across have showed me how good they can be.. Haiz.. But anyway, not that i really care.. heh.. =P Anyway i need to go get some slp liao.. tired..
Yesterday met up with Erica and i was late.. Got screamed off my head when i reach.. Her friend and her had been waiting for me for abt 20min. =P Oh, wat's her friend's name? *scratch head* Erm.. I dunno.. =.= Erica din intro and i din ask.. haha.. Afterall, i am a shy person. =P Her friend looks quite cute. Height abt 155+, weight abt 45+, long silky hair slight coloured in brown/gold, jeans with black spaghetti-stripe, slightly glossy small lips, natural-polish nails and decent-looking. When i was asked by Erica to guess how old is she, i reply 15.. lol.. Meant to be a joke, my actual guess was around 26. Wrong. She was 29. Well, she looks young, i mean her look. ^^ She was juz like another Sharon(Ruyou's friend). Look almost the same, as in the way they wear and walk. A bit ah lian but not exact. A bit Anti-social looking but friendly. When Erica and her were cracking some joke when we are on our way walking to Parklane, their laughters are scary.. haha.. Juz like some 'siao char bo'.. haha.. =P Sad to say, though she is abit scary but much better than Erica. At least i feel that i wun get slapped on the face for nothing. =.= Ya, Erica slapped me on the face that day at Devil's Bar for nothing.. Basically she's abit tipsy and down.. Oh my, it's been a long time since i last got slapped on the face.. That was abt 10 yrs ago when i misbehaved..
Me and Erica intend to go Plaza Singapura to catch a show at abt 9pm+.. We wanna watch Miss Congeniality 2 but somehow din managed to get the tickets.. =.= Then we went back to the lan shop at Parklane then after that decided to go Music Underground. Erica's friend's friend is working at there and we can have free entry.. Haha.. When we reach there i saw my two friends.. 1st time seeing these 2 husband and wife go clubbing.. Haha.. The music there damn sian lor.. PLaying 90's techno.. Super turn-off.. =.= But got quite a few gals with nice looking moves.. And a few pretty gals.. Overall, boredom. If i knew i rather go Devils.. sigh.. Then got slapped again. and this time i'm pissed. A pity i dun beat gals. darn. But anyway, to prevent any further conflicts, i better not stay so close to her from now onwards.. If i really cannot stand it anymore i scared i might do something against my will..
Rarely i see good gals being single.. =.= Some normal gals that i came across have showed me how good they can be.. Haiz.. But anyway, not that i really care.. heh.. =P Anyway i need to go get some slp liao.. tired..
22 March, 2005
For Xuehui if she were to see..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, i told ya. i can't juz regard any1 as my close friend. Somemore we aren't really that close anymore.. =P Likewise, am i your close friend? Have you ask urself this? =D But anyway, i'm really a bad guy.
"When you are born, u cried while the world rejoiced. When you died, u smile while the world cried.."
I'm really that sure whether am i that kind of person or izzit the other way round. It no longer matters to me. I've been bad for the past 23 yrs. Some seen me as bad, some seen me as good. Bad guys dun live long. But most of the bad guys i seen live real long. One classic example is my dad. This i have not mentioned in my blog and i WILL NOT mentioned in my blog..
U dunno much abt my background. I also dunno how or shld i ever said these. There's only one phrase to describe..
"When he's born, he cried and the world rejoiced. When he died, he cried and the rejoiced".
Sad to say. 95% of the ppl who know him think this way.
Shutting myself up to ponder all these? No way, i rather get myself drunk and feel the headaches than to think abt it. My case is too complicated. Sometimes i would rather end my sufferings than to live with the sufferings but i'm not yet to give up. I've got 7 more yrs if possible. Hopefully less than that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I mention this not to gain any sympathy nor pity. I dun need any. Any who give it me, get ready to face some unsightful. I'm strict abt this. =)
Enuff liao. I'm deadbeat from work.. =.= gonna go eat then go enjoy liao. BB
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, i told ya. i can't juz regard any1 as my close friend. Somemore we aren't really that close anymore.. =P Likewise, am i your close friend? Have you ask urself this? =D But anyway, i'm really a bad guy.
"When you are born, u cried while the world rejoiced. When you died, u smile while the world cried.."
I'm really that sure whether am i that kind of person or izzit the other way round. It no longer matters to me. I've been bad for the past 23 yrs. Some seen me as bad, some seen me as good. Bad guys dun live long. But most of the bad guys i seen live real long. One classic example is my dad. This i have not mentioned in my blog and i WILL NOT mentioned in my blog..
U dunno much abt my background. I also dunno how or shld i ever said these. There's only one phrase to describe..
"When he's born, he cried and the world rejoiced. When he died, he cried and the rejoiced".
Sad to say. 95% of the ppl who know him think this way.
Shutting myself up to ponder all these? No way, i rather get myself drunk and feel the headaches than to think abt it. My case is too complicated. Sometimes i would rather end my sufferings than to live with the sufferings but i'm not yet to give up. I've got 7 more yrs if possible. Hopefully less than that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I mention this not to gain any sympathy nor pity. I dun need any. Any who give it me, get ready to face some unsightful. I'm strict abt this. =)
Enuff liao. I'm deadbeat from work.. =.= gonna go eat then go enjoy liao. BB
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