Paper indeed unable to cover fire.. Neither can paper cover water.. Paper is so fragile.. Wat's expected to be are unexpected to be, wat's unexpected to be are expected to be.. It's not the end but a new beignning of a new life.. All good things eventually will come to an end. When there's a start, there'll be an end. When there's an end, there's a start. That's life cycle.. Follow the flow, follow the nature. Dun go against it. =)
It's so sudden, it's so sadding.. Whenever something ended, I always feel sad even though it may not concern me nor matter to me at all.. She's only 27 and such fate had to bestow upon her.. =( Though not close to her at all but afterall we used to be from one big family who shared the same dream.. Still dunno what exactly happened.. Happened to learn it from melissa.. A shocking news at the start of the day.. Humans are feeble creatures.. Life and death are common and inevitable.. My condelences to the family.. May, we will remember u even though u are gone.. Memories are what u left us with before u go.. May you rest in peace..
Darn I got stucked at 1.02 again.. Lolx... But this time I wasn't angry at all coz I know the prob lies in me.. My stopping is utterly awful.. Unable to step down fully to 1st gear, lost balance when stopping due to too much concentration being used on coordinating the steps.. =.= Yet to get myself to get used to the steps.. Sigh.. When can it become natural..? =( I hate myself..
Damn I hate it when ppl dun reply sms or dun ans call. Damn when there's a question, there bound to have an ans. Wat's so farking difficult to ans? Is ur farking game more impt? Is ur farking so exp that u dun even bother to sms/call back due to missed call? Why put ur farking in silent mode when u are not even restricted to use it at all? Fark you lah as well dun use a hp. Got a fone but uncontactable even though it rings. Got fone but uncontactable even though it beeps. Smashed it! Anyway it serve no purposes at all! Piece of sh!t. Even though a reply after 12hrs I also nevermind but not even 96hrs. Juz cancel the subscribtion. Waste money only anyway.
Sorry for my violent.. I juz can't stand such stupidity.
U said that he might had forgotten all abt u already.. Well, like u said, the situation is abt the same. It's not only hate that exists. Sorrow and pain still remains but not as strong as hate only.. It's indeed that he will not listen to any explainations at all.. His mind is totally shut at the moment.. Nothing all of us can do anything abt it de.. Juz hope time will let him accept and face the reality. Whatever happened had happened, there's no such thing as turn back time.. Even though u already withdrew but it's kinda too late.. Even though were to get back together, a broken vase is forever a broken vase no matter u see it or fix it..
Speaking of Alan case, it's indeed hard on u but well, it's over already.. Unable to blame is suffering.. Blaming self is suffering.. But well, there isn't really a need to blame.. So what if had a reason to blame..? Juz like me..? It doesn't change anything at all and it wun change anything at all.. It doesn't matters at all..
Pain is evil, it wun just go away.. It stays as long as it wish.. Only him got the power to help u force it to one corner to let the pain feels lonely instead of u.. I ain't have enuff strength.. I'm sorry but it's limited.. =( i'm useless after all.. Or maybe I do have.. But when one's lost, nothing seems to be able to get things done right.. Lolx.. Two lost ships will get to nowhere..
Remember one thing.. I might be the one who seems to always make u laugh heartily but I might be the one who will hurt u coz I did once before.. =) Memories still inside me.. I'm not wild at all like u seen me as.. I'm juz being hollow.. Try not to be swallowed by this hollowness.. It's a train with no return.. It's a bad train, dun board it even though it welcomes any passengers.. But anyway, no one predict the future.. That time I can made all of u laugh but I’m only able to share sorrow with one and u know who.. Even though it's a wrong path yet I still chose this path.. Dun be jealous of her.. Coz though chance was given, doesn't means it will be paid off.. Sometimes, I rather that doesn't happen at all.. Some things are always beyond control.. Happiness may not be happy afterall.. Coz happiness doesn’t stay..
PR is indeed essential, as well as networking.. It's not abt who u know but who know u. I know Mr Lee KY but he dunno me also no use.. Lolx.. It's a fact.. Well, one had to know how market himself/herself.. Yup machiam selling self.. I mean promote.. =)
It's drizzling and i'm so near to IMM.. Memories.. =( Felt like walking the path to rmb some memories.. Walking in the rain, alone.. It hits hard though small.. Suddenly feels like listening to 'can fei' coz the starting of the song is raining as well.. As i'm listening, suddenly thought of 'feng'.. The song that I said this to her, "i've always wanted to sing this song but never once I dare to.." then she immediately choose it and want me to sing.. It went awful.. Haha.. 2nd time at suntec kbox, said wanted to hear me sing this song and again I flung it.. The time when things turned sour for us, I went to ktv pub with her and my sis and again sang this song.. It was much better already.. Few days back at kbox, again this song and my lil sis said it was much much better than the time at ktv.. I was thinking, ya I finally able to sing it well.. But it was all too late already.. Then coincidence happens and this song is being played right after ‘can fei’ on my dopod as i'm approaching IMM... I'm outta control.. Damn.... I can't seems to hold back anymore.. I've been holding it back for so long and finally... Afterall hatred can't cover up everything.. Damn it.. Anyway, she wun care at all.. I might long been forgotten.. So, doesn't really matters anymore.. Really doesn't matter already.. Nothing's left but memories.. It's better that way I guess.. I'm too good to be true eh..? Ya, maybe u are rite.. No one deserved me.. I dun need to be deserved anyway.. I dun really belong to this world.. Bu zhi de..
When I heard u crying, u made me recall her.. "Is that how she felt at that time..?" situation seems the same as well.. But feelings told me it's not. Totally different.. Entirely different.. U know ur limit and withdraw.. The problem lies on you or him..? Well, share the fault. Both equally wrong.. If not u wun have been delusional.. Wat makes u delusional..? He's entirely opposite of the previous him.. If not, both zw and me wun care at all abt u already.. Maybe even kel too.. So, dun shoulder it all by urself.. We are all there for u.. I know it's not enuff at all but there's always a limit to what we can do.. U still gotta use ur own strength to stand up.. Never once I see u as a weakling. Even though it meant to keep on the mask. Can't help it then juz do it. Fake it till u make it. No confidence? Fake it! Eventually it will become a xi guan to have confidence. Unable to put it down? Fake it! Eventually u will still see him on the streets de. What kind of you do u wish to be seen? U shld know the answer.. We will still be here for ya till u can stand up.. There's no way u can fall, unless u wasn't even trying at all urself.. U must stand up, u must survive this.. Dun let our efforts gone to waste ah.. Pain, may not seems as painful as it seems to be.. Juz like tattoo. Looks painful and felt painful but when it's over, u will be like "eh? What's the pain..?" =) i'm not asking u to go put the tattoo ah.. =.= it will only reminds u more of him, for life that is.. So dun do it. Let me be the one to go thru the pain instead.. Anyway, I longed wanting to put. Not for anyone but for self coz it's my name char symbols. To keep reminding myself of the pain of this cruel world.. Lolx.. That's wat I thought.. So that I wun take things for granted, and to learn to appreciate..
I always wanted to take care of u.. Since few yrs back.. Maybe she is right, this is not love. Maybe I never love u before.. Juz pure wanting to take care of u.. More like a sis.. Even my own sis I also din treat her this well.. Lolx.. Dun beat me.. =X I'm already treating u better liao lor.. Hehe.. It's a grave mistake from the beginning I guess.. But anyway, I tried.. I still tried my best.. Yes I know u hate that 'try'.. But this is the truth of 'try'.. Another unspoken truth.. I really dunno how to love u.. Sigh..
Seriously afraid that my mask would be teared down one day.. I need to stand up asap.. Haha.. If not wun be able to carry on as per normal.. I hate that.. It's so fake and tiring.. The violet light seems to be calling me again.. Feels like going there yet dun wanna go.. As contradicting as I can be.. Well, that's me. Ya lah it's me again... Oops! Heng ah, it's still remain a secret. I promised I wun reveal means I will never reveal.. =) cannot break promises to gals one.. Will get very jialat one.. I dun wanna be inside that ‘hate book’.. Haha.. So I wun commit again.. No one will get the key... Oh the sky is still dark.. Purr.. Sibei cold lor.. Sigh.. =(
Monday’s approaching.. Actually I’m very scared of Monday.. I’m afraid that I might outta control again… Coz there are songs that I wanted to sing.. Yup the feelings inside that’s being brought out in those.. I’m afraid it might not be just only the feelings but emotions as well.. Slap me pls if I’m outta control myself.. Give me the pain to remind me I shouldn’t be that way.. I dun wanna let it happened again especially when kelvin gonna be around again.. But some things are hard to say de.. Easy said than done.. Somemore it’s Aili’s bday.. Dun wanna spoilt the mood of all too.. Haha.. I’ll try my best de.. =) I know I can do it. So can you..
